ILLINOIS  HISTORICAL  SURVEY 


)  ^l<l 


TWENTY 
YEARS  OF  HUS'LING 


J.   p.   JOHNSTO^ 


Adthob   of    "The    Adctionbbr's    Goidb." 


PORTRAYING  THE  PECULIAR  INCIDENTS, 
COMIC  SITUATIONS,  FAILURES  AND  SUC- 
CESSES OP  A  MAN  WHO  TRIES  ALMOST 
EVERY  KIND  OF  BUSINESS  AND  FINALLY 

WINS.  a  a  0  0  0 


FORTY-EIGHT  ILLUSTRATIONS 


BZ 

DENSLOW 


THOIMPSON  &  THOMAS 

CHICAGO 


COPYKIGHT    1887, 
BY 

J.  P.  JOHNSTON. 

ALL   RIGHTS    RESERVED. 


COPTBIGHT   1900, 
BY 

^Ho^rpsoN  &  thomas. 


C'opyrif-'ht 

THOMPSON  &  THOBlAfl 

1906 


"Y)  fb  THB   *   H[US-1.4iXS  "   OF   /lB&KM.iCA,  OR  THOSE  WHO  ARE  UBTSft' 

'N.  UfBD  iw  "^HEiR  Efforts  to  bTRiKs  for  Independbnch 

<H  .  .<in>  Secure  Success  by  Energy,  Persistbncv; 

■^  AHD  Honesty  of  Purpose,  I  Respect 

%«n**  Dedicate  this  Volut 


I  I  79400 


MY  APOLOGY. 


ASter  finishing  all  tliat  I  had  intended  for  pul> 
lication  in  my  book  entitled  "The  Auctioneer's 
Guide,"  I  was  advised  by  a  few  of  my  most  inti- 
mate friends  to  add  a  sketch  of  my  own  life  to 
illustrate  what  had  been  set  forth  in  its  pages. 

This  for  the  sole  purpose  of  stimulating  those 
who  may  have  been  for  years  "pulling  nard 
against  the  stream,"  unable,  perhaps,  to  ascertain 
where  they  properly  belong,  and  possibly  on  ihe 
verge  of  giving  up  all  hope,  because  of  failure, 
after  making  repeated  honest  efforts  to  succeed. 

The  sketch  when  prepared  proved  of  such 
magnitude  that  it  was  deemed  advisable  to  make 
it  a  separate  volume.  Hence,  the  "TwENT\ 
Years  of  Hus'ling." 

J.  P.  Johnston 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 
Date  and  place  of  birth — My  Llother's  second  marriage — A  kind 
step-father — Raising  a  flock  of  sheep  from  a  pet  lamb — An  es- 
tablished reputation — Anxious  to  speculate — Frequent  combit* 
at  home— How  I  conquered  a  foe — What  a  phrenologist  said — 
A  reconciliation — Breaking  steers — Mysterious  disappearance 
of  a  new  fence — My  confession — My  trip  to  New  York — The 
transformation  scene — My  return  home  with  my  fiddle. 

CHAPTER  II. 
My  mother  wishes  me  to  learn  a  trade — My  burning  desire  to  be  a 
live-stock  dealer — Employed  by  a  deaf  drover  to  do  his  hearing 
— How  I  amused  myself  at  his  expense  and  misfortune . 

CHAPTER  III. 

Selling  and  trading  off  my  flock  of  sheep — Co-partnership  formed 
with  a  neighbor  boy — Our  dissolution — My  continuance  in  busi- 
ness— Collapse  of  a  chicken  deal — Destruction  of  a  wagon  load 
of  eggs — Arrested  and  fined  my  last  dollar — Arrived  home 
"broke." 

CHAPTER  IV. 

Borrowing  money  from  Mr.  Keefer — Buying  and  selling  sheep  pelts 
— How  I  succeeded — A  co-partnership  in  the  restaurant  business 
—Buying  out  my  partner— Collapsed  —  More  help  from  Mr. 
Keefer — Horses  and  Patent  rights. 

CHAPTER  V. 
Swindled  out  of  a  horse  and  watch — More  help  from  Mr.  Keefer— 
How  I  got  even  in  the  watch  trade — My  patent  right  trip  to 
Michigan  and  Indiana — Its  results — How  a  would-be  sharper 
got  come  up  with. 

CHAPTER  VI. 
My  new  acquaintance  and  our  co-partnership — Three  weeks'  expe- 
rience manufacturing  soap — The  collapse— How  it  happened — 
Broke  again — More  help  from  Mr.  Keefer — A  trip  to  Indiana — 
Selling  prize  soap  with  a  circus — Arrested  and  fined  for  conduct- 
ing a  gift  enterprise — Broke  again. 


CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  VII 
Eleven  days  on  a  farm — How  I  fooled  the  farmer — Arrived  at  Chi- 
cago— Running  a  fruit  stand — Collapsed — My  return  home — 
Broke  again — A  lucky  trade. 

CHAPTER  VIII. 
Three  dollars  well  invested — Learning  telegraphy — Getting  in  debt 
— A  full-fledged  operator — My  first  telegraph  office — Buying  and 
selling  ducks  and  frogs  while  employed  as  operator — My  resig- 
nation— Co-partnership  in  the  jewelry  and  spectacle  business — 
How  we  succeeded — Our  dissolution. 

CHAPTER  IX. 

Continuing  the  jewelry  and  spect:.cle  businesss  alone — Trading  a 
watch  chain  for  a  horse — Peddling  on  horseback  —  Trading 
jewelry  for  a  harness  and  buggy — Selling  at  wholesale — Retiring 
from  the  jewelry  business. 

CHAPTER  X. 
Great  success  as  an  insurance  agent — Sold  out — Arrived  at  Chicago 
— Selling  government  goods — Acquiring  dissipated  habits — En- 
gaged to  be  married — Broke  among  strangers — How  I  made/  a 
raise — My  arrival  home. 

CHAPTER  XI. 
More  help  from  Mr.  Keefer — Off  to  see  my  girl — Embarked  in  tht 
Agricultural-implement  business  without  capital  -  Married — 
Sold  out — In  ihe  grocery  businesss — Collapsed — Running  a  bil- 
liard hall — Collapsed  again — Newspaper  reporter  for  a  myste- 
rious murder. 

CHAPTER  XII. 
More  help  from  Mr.  Keefer— Six  weeks  as  a  horse-trainer — A  mys- 
terious partner — Collapsed — How  I  made  a  raise — Home  again 
— Father  to  a  bouncing  boy. 

CHAPTER  XIII. 
Engaged  in  the  Patent-right  business — My  trade  with  Brother  Long 
—The  compromise — My  second  trade  with  a  deacon  —His  Sun- 
day honesty  and  week-day  economy -A  new  partner  The 
landlord  and  his  cream  biscuits— How  we  headed  him  off — A 
trade  for  a  balky  horse — How  we  persuaded  him  to  go — Qui 
final  settlement  with  the  landlord. 


tOfilTENTS. 

CHAPTER  'XIV. 
Our  trip  through  Indiana — How  I  fooled  a  telegraph  operator — ^The 

old  landlord  sends  recipe  for  cream  biscuit — Our  return  to  Ohio 
—Becoming  agents  for  a  new  patent — Our  valise  stolen — Return 
to  Ft.  Wayne — Waiting  six  weeks  for  Patent-right  papers — 
Busted— Sta\ang  off  the  washerwoman  for  five  weeks — "The 
Kid"  and  'de  exchange  act' — How  the  laundry  woman  got 
even  with  us — The  landlord  on  the  borrow — How  we  borrowed 
of  him— Replenishing  our  wavdrobe — Paying  up  the  hotel  bill. 

CHAPTER  XV. 
Our  visit  to  La  Grange,  Ind. — Traded  for  a  horse — Followed  by  an 
officer,  wth  a  writ  of  replevin — Putting  him  on  the  wrong 
scent —His  return  to  the  hotel — ^The   horse   captured — Broke 
again — How  I  made  a  raise. 

CHAPTER  XVI. 
Arriving  at  Elmore,  Ohio,  stranded — Receiving  eight  dollars  on  a 
Patent  right  sale— Dunned  in  advance  by  the  landlord — Chang- 
ing hotels — My  visit  to  Fremont —  Meeting  Mr.  Keefer  and 
borrowing  money  — Our  visit  to  P'indlay — A  big  deal — Losing 
money  in  wheat — Followed  by  officers  with  a  writ  of  reple\'in — 
Outwitting  them — A  four-mile  chase — Hiding  our  rig  in  a  cel- 
lar. 

CHAPTER  XVII. 
Visiting  my  family  at  Elmore— How  we  fooled  a  detective — A  friend 
in  need- -Arriving  at  Swanton,  Ohio,  broke — How  I  made  a 
raise —  Disguising  my  horse  with  a  coat  of  paint — Captured  at 
Toledo — Selling  my  horse— Arrived  home  broke. 

CHAPTER  XVIII. 
Mr.  Keefer  called  from  home — My  mother  refuses  me  a  loan 
— Peddling  furniture  polish  on  foot — Having  my  fortune  loUl 
— My  trip  through  Michigan — Arrested  for  selling  without 
license — "It  never  rains  but  it  pours" — Collapsed — A  good 
moral — Making  a  raise. 

CHAPTER  XIX. 
My  co-partnership  with  a  Clairvoyant  doctor — Our  lively  trip  from 
Ypsilanti  to  Pontiac,  Michigan — Poor  success — The  doctor  and 
his  Irish  patient— My  prescription  for  the  deaf  woman — Col- 
lapse<l.  and  in  debt  for  board. 


^•ONTENT*. 

CHAPTER  XX. 
^igmged  to  manage  the  hotel — The  doctor  my  star  boarder— Dis- 
charging all  the  help— Hiring  them  over  again — ^The  doctor  as 
table  waiter — The  landlady  and  the  doctor  collide — The  airiva! 
of  two  hus'lers — How  I  managed  them — The  landlady  goes  \ns- 
iting — I  re-modeled  the  house — My  chambermaid  elopes — 
Hiring  a  Dutchman  to  take  her  place — Dutchy  in  disguise — I 
fooled  the  doctor — Dutchy  and  the  Irish  shoemaker. 


OHAFTEBL 


I  was  bom  near  Ottawa,  Illinois,  January  6tli, 
1852,  of  Scotch-Irish  descent.  My  great-great- 
grandfather Johnston  was  a  Presbyterian  clergy- 
man, who  graduated  from  the  University  of 
Edinburg,  Scotland.  My  mother's  name  was 
Finch.  The  family  originally  came  from  New 
England  and  were  typical  Yankees  as  far  as  I 
have  been  able  to  trace  them.  My  father,  whose 
full  name  I  bear,  died  six  months  previous  to 
my  birth.  When  two  years  of  age  my  mother 
Was  married  to  a  Mr.  Keefer,  of  Ohio^  a  miller 


14  TWENTY   YEARS   OF   HUS'UNG. 

by  trade  and  farmer  by  occupation.  Had  my 
own  father  lived  be  could  not  possibly  bave  been 
more  generous,  affectionate,  kind-hearted  and  in- 
dulgent than  this  step-father. 

And  until  the  day  of  his  death,  which  occurred 
on  the  loth  of  July,  1887,  he  was  always  the 
same.  This  tribute  is  due  him  from  one  who 
reveres  his  memory. 

He  had  a  family  of  children  by  his  "former 
wife,  the  youngest  being  a  year  or  two  older 
than  myself  Two  daughters  were  bom  of  this 
marriage. 

A  mixed  family  like  the  Keefer  household 
naturally  occasioned  more  or  less  contention. 
Mere  especially  as  the  neighborhood  contained 
*"hose  who  took  it  upon  themselves  to  regulate 
their  neighbors*  domestic  affairs  in  preference  to 
their  own. 

Consequently,  in  a  few  years,  Mr.  Keefer  was 
severely  criticised  for  not  compelling  me  to  do 
more  work  on  the  farm,  and  for  the  interest  he 
took  in  schooling  me. 

As  for  myself,  had  I  been  hanged  or  impris- 
oned as  often  as  those  neighbors  prophesied  I 
would  be,  I  would  have  suffered  death  and  loss 
of  freedom  manv  times. 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'UNG  V$ 

Vhe  farm  life  was  distasteful  to  me  from  my 
earliest  recollection.  I  cannot  remember  ever 
having  done  an  hour's  work  in  this  capacity 
except  under  protest. 

From  this  fact  I  naturally  gained  the  reputa- 
tion lor  miles  around,  of  being  the  laziest  boy  in 
che  country,  with  no  possible  or  probable  prospect 
of  ever  amounting  to  anything. 

But  they  failed  to  give  me  credit  for  the  energy 
required  to  walk  three  miles  night  and  morning 
to  attend  the  village  school,  which  afforded  better 
advantages  than  the  district  school. 

When  but  a  small  lad  my  step-father  gave  me 
a  cosset  lamb  which  I  raised  with  a  promise  from 
him  to  give  me  half  the  wool  and  all  of  the 
increase. 

This,  in  a  few  years,  amounted  to  a  flock  of 
over  one  hunared  sheep.  The  sale  of  my  share 
of  the  wool,  together  with  the  yield  from  a  potato 
patch,  which  was  a  yearly  gift  from  Mr.  Keefer, 
was  almost  sufficient  to  clothe  me  and  pay  my 
school  expenses. 

I  should  here  add,  that  the  potatoes  above 
mentioned  were  the  product  of  the  old  gentle- 
man^s  labor  in  plowing,  planting,  cultivating, 
digging  and  marketing. 


t6  TWENTY    YEARS   CF   HUS'LING. 

While  I  was  expected  to  do  this  work,  I  was 
seldom  on  hand  except  on  the  day  of  planting  to 
superintend  the  job  and  see  that  the  potatoes 
were  actually  put  into  the  ground,  and  again  on 
market  day  to  receive  the  proceeds.  During  al' 
my  life  on  the  farm,  one  great  source  of  annoy- 
ance and  trouble  to  my  step-father  was  m}'  con 
stant  desire  to  have  him  purchase  everything 
that  was  brought  along  for  sale,  and  to  sell 
ever3rthing  from  the  farm  that  was  salable. 

In  other  words,  I  was  always  anxious  to  have 
him  go  into  speculation.  I  could  not  be  too 
eager  for  a  horse  trade  or  the  purchase  of  an\' 
new  invention  or  farm  implement  that  had  the 
appearance  of  being  a  labor-saving  machine. 

Even  the  advent  of  a  lightning-rod  or  insur- 
ance man  delighted  me,  for  it  broke  the  monot- 
ony and  gave  me  some  of  the  variety  of  life. 

The  rapid  growth  and  development  of  my 
flock  of  sheep  were  partially  due  to  ni}''  specula- 
tive desires.  I  was  persistent  in  having  them 
gratified,  and  succeeded,  by  being  allowed  the 
privilege  of  selling  off  the  fat  wethers  whenever 
they  became  marketable,  and  replacing  them 
with  young  ewes,  which  increased  rapidly 
These  could  be  bought  for  much  less  than  the 
wethers  would  sell 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'lING.  1 7 

My  Step-father  was  a  man  oi  more  than  ordi- 
nary common  sense,  and  often  suggested  splen- 
did ideas,  but  was  altogether  too  cautious  for  His 
own  good,  and  too  slow  to  act  in  carrying  them^ 
out. 

While  he  and  I  got  along  harmoniousiy'j 
together,  I  am  forced  to  admit  that  my  mother 
and  myself  had  frequent  combats. 

There,  perhaps,  was  never  a  more  affectionate, 
kind-hearted  mother  than  she,  and  I  dare  say  but 
few  who  ever  possessed  a  higher-strung  temper 
or  a  stronger  belief  in  the  "spare  the  rod  and 
spoil  the  child"  doctrine.  At  least,  this  was  my 
candid,  unprejudiced  belief  during  those  stormy 
days.  Why,  I  had  become  so  accustomed  to 
receiving  my  daily  chastisement,  as  to  feel  that 
the  day  had  been  broken,  or  something  unusual 
had  happened,  should  I  by  chance  miss  a  day. 

The  principle  difficulty  was,  that  I  had  inheri- 
ted a  high-strung,  passionate  temper  from  my 
mother,  and  a  strong  self-will  from  my  father, 
which  made  a  combination  hard  to  subdue.  In 
my  later  days  I  have  come  to  realize  that  I  must 
have  tantalized  and  pestered  my  mother  beyond 
all  reason,  and  too  often,  no  doubt,  at  times  when 


1 8  TWENTY   YEARS   OF  HUSTLING. 

her  life  was  harassed,  aud  her  patience  severely 
tried  by  the  misconduct  of  one  or  more  of  her 
step-children,  who,  by  the  way,  I  never  thought 
were  blessed  with  the  sweetest  of  all  sweet  temp- 
ers, themselves.  At  any  rate,  whenever  I  got  on 
the  war  path,  I  seldom  experienced  any  serious 
difficulty  in  finding  some  one  of  the  family  to 
accommodate  me.  Notwithstanding,  I  usually 
"  trimmed"  them,  as  I  used  to  term  it,  to  my 
entire  satisfacdon,  and  no  matter  whether  they, 
or  I  were  to  blame,  it  was  no  trouble  for  them  to 
satisfy  my  mother  that  I  was  the  guilty  one, 
despite  my  efforts  to  prove  an  *' alibi."  For  this 
I  was  sure  to  be  punished,  as  I  was  also  for  every 
fight  I  got  into  with  the  neighbor  boys,  whose 
great  stronghold  was  to  twit  me  of  being  "lazy 
and  red-headed." 

I  was,  however,  successful  at  last  in  convinc- 
ing my  mother  that  those  lads  whom  I  was 
frequently  fighting  and  quarreling  vnth,  were 
taking  every  advantage  of  her  action  in  flogging 
me  'every  time  I  had  difficulty  with  them.  The3' 
could  readily  see  and  understand  that  I  was  more 
afraid  of  the  "home  rule"  than  I  was  of  them, 
and  would  lose  no  opportunity  to  say  and  do 
rhiuofs  to  provoKc  me. 


I 

\ 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUS'LING.  1 9 

One  day  I  came  home  from  school  at  recess  in 
che  afternoon,  all  out  of  sorts,  and  greatly 
incensed  at  one  of  the  boys  who  was  two  years 
.older  than  myself,  and  who  had  been,  as  I 
•thought,  imposing  upon  me.  I  met  Mr.  Keefer 
at  the  barn,  and  declared  right  there  and  then 
that  I  would  n«^vei  attend  school  another  day, 
unless  I  could  receive  my  parents'  full  and  free 
consent  to  protect  myself,  and  to  go  out  and  fight 
that  fellow  as  he  passed  by  from  school  that 
evening. 

"Do  you  think  you  can  get  satisfaction?"  he 
asked. 

"I  am  sure  I  can,"  I  answered, 

"Well,  then,"  he  said,  "I  want  you  to  go  out 
and  flog  him  good  this  evening,  and  I'll  go  along 
and  see  that  you  have  fair  play." 

"All  right,  I'll  show  you  how  I'll  fix  him,"  I 
answered. 

About  fifteen  or  twenty  minutes  later  Henry 
and  one  of  his  chums  came  from  school  to  our 
barn-yard  well  for  a  pail  of  water. 

I  came  to  the  bam  door  just  in  time  to  see 
them  coming  through  the  gate.  Mr  Reefer's  con. 
sent  that  I  should  "do  him  up"  gave  me  courage 


70  TWBNTY    YEARS   OF   HUS*WNG. 

to  begin   at  once.     I   went   to   the  pump,  and 
throwing  my  cap  on  the  ground,  said : 

"  See  here,  m}'  father  tells  me  to  trim  every 
mother's  son  of  you  that  twits  me  of  being  lazy 
and  red-headed.  Now,  I'm  going  to  finish  you 
first." 

He  was  as  much  scared  as  he  was  surprised. 

I  buckled  into  him,  and  kick,  bite,  scratch, 
gouge,  pull  hair,  twist  noses,  and  strike  from  the 
shoulder  were  the  order  of  the  day.  I  felt  all 
confident  and  sailed  in  for  all  I  was  worth,  and 
finished  him  in  less  than  three  minutes,  to  the 
evident  satisfaction  of  Mr.  Keefer,  whom,  when 
the  fight  was  waxing  hot,  I  espied  standing  on  the 
dunghill  with  a  broad  smile  taking  in  the  combat 
I  had  nearly  stnpped  my  opponent  of  his 
clothing,  held  a  large  wad  of  hair  in  each  hand ; 
his  nose  flattened  all  over  his  face,  two  teeth 
knocked  do\\Ti  his  throat,  his  shins  skinned  and 
bleeding,  and  both  eyes  closed.  After  getting 
himself  together  he  started  down  our  lane, 
appearing  dazed  and  bewildered.  I  first  thought 
he  was  going  to  a  stone  pile  near  by,  but  as  he 
passed  it  1  began  to  realize  his  i-eal  condition 
wiien  1  burned  to  his  rescue  and  l<^d  bim  bacii 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'LINO.  2) 

CO  the  water  trough,  and  there  helped  to  soak 
him  out  and  renovate  him.  After  which  his  com- 
rade returned  to  school  alone  with  the  water,  and 
he  proceeded  homeward. 

After  that  I  had  no  serious  trouble  with 
those  near  my  own  age,  as  it  was  generally 
understood  and  considered  that  I  had  a  license 
to  fight  and  a  disposition  to  do  so  when  necessary 
to  protect  my  own  rights. 

When  my  mother  heard  of  this  she  said  I  was 
A  regular  "tough." 

Mr.  Keefer  said  I  could  whip  my  weight  in 
"wild  cats  anyhow. 

She  said  I  deserved  a  good  trouncing. 

He  said  I  deserved  a  medal  and  ought  to 
have  it. 

My  mother  never  seemed  to  understand  me  or 
my  nature  until  the  timely  arrival  of  an  agent 
selling  patent  hay-forks,  who  professed  to  have  a 
knowledge  of  Phrenology,  Physiognomy,  and 
human  nature  in  general.  In  course  of  a  con- 
versation relative  to  family  aflfairs,  my  mother 
remarked  that,  with  but  one  exception,  she  had 
no  trouble  in  managing  and  controling  her 
children.  He  turned  suddenly  to  me  and  said, 
"I  see,  this  is  the  one." 


•i2  TWKNTY   TBARS  O?  ETUS'UNO. 

At  this  he  called  me  to  him  and  began  a  delin- 
eation of  my  character.'  The  very  first  thing  he 
said  was: 

"  You  can  put  this  boy  on  a  lone  island  with 
nothing  but  a  pocket  knife,  and  he  will  manage 
to  whittle  himself  away." 

From  this,  he  went  on  to  say  many  more  good 
things  for  me  than  bad  ones^  which,  of  course, 
gratified  me  exceedingly. 

But  it  was  hot  shot  for  others  of  the  family 
who  were  present,  and  who  had  never  lost  an 
opportunity  to  remind  me  of  my  future  destiny. 

This  gentleman  said  to  my  mother,  that  the 
principle  trouble  was  her  lack  of  knowledge  of 
my  disposition.  That  if  she  would  shame  me  at 
times  when  I  was  unruly,  and  make  requests 
instead  of  demands  when  she  wanted  favors  from 
me,  and  above  all,  never  to  chastise  me,  she 
would  see  quite  a  change  for  the  better. 

He  also  ventured  the  remark  that  some  day, 
under  the  present  management,  the  boy  would 
pack  up  his  clothes,  leave  home,  and  never  let 
his  whereabouts  be  known. 

This  opened  my  mother's  eyes  more  than  all 
else  he  had  said,  for  I  had  often  threatened  to  do 
this  very  thing.    In  fact  I  had  once  been  thwarte^^ 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUS'LING.  23 

by  her  in  an  effort  to  make  my  escape,  which 
would  have  been  accomplished  but  for  my 
anxiety  to  get  possession  of  "the  old  shot  gun," 
which  I  felt  I  would  need  in  my  encounter  with 
Indians,  and  killing  bear  and  wild  game.  I  might 
add  that  one  of  our  neighbor  boys  was  to  decamp 
with  me,  and  the  dime  novel  had  been  our  guide. 

From  this  time  on  there  was  a  general  refor- 
mation and  reconciliation,  and  my  only  regrets 
were  that  "hay  forks"  hadn't  been  invented  sev- 
eral years  before,  or  at  least,  that  this  glorious 
good  man  with  his  stock  of  information  hadn't 
made  his  appearance  earlier. 

The  greatest  pleasure  of  my  farm  life  and 
boyhood  days  was  in  squiiTel  hunting  and  break- 
ing colts  and  3''0ung  steers. 

I^.Iy  step-father  always  said  he  hardly  knew 
what  it  was  to  break  a  colt,  as  I  always  had  them 
under  good  control  and  first-class  training  by  the 
time  they  were  old  enough  to  begin  work. 

Whenever  I  was  able  to  match  up  a  pair  of 
steer  calves,  I  would  begin  yoking  them  together 
before  they  v/ere  weaned.  I  broke  and  raised  one 
pair  until  they  were  four  years  old,  whe^  Mr, 
Keefer  sold  them  for  a  good  round  sum.  I  shall 
uever  ^org-et  an  incident  that  occurred,  about  the 


TWENT\    VEAliS  OF    riUS'LINO. 

lime  this  yoke  ol  steers  were  three  years  old,  anci 
when  I  was  about  twelve  years  of  age. 

One  of  my  school  mates  and  I  had  plaj-ed 
iruaut  one  afternoon,  and  concluded  to  have  a  bt- 
tie  fun  with  the  steers,  as  my  parents  were  away 
from  home  that  day.  We  yoked  them  together, 
and  I  thought  it  a  clever  idea  to  hitch  them  to  a 
large  gate  post  which  divided  the  lane  and  barn- 
yard, and  see  them  pull.  From  this  post  Mr. 
Keefer  had  just  completed  the  building  of  a 
fence,  running  to  the  bam,  and  had  nailed  the 
rails  at  one  end,  to  this  large  post  and  had  like- 
wise fastened  the  ends  of  all  the  rails  together, 
by  standing  small  posts  up  where  the  ends  met, 
and  nailing  them  together,  which  made  a 
straight  fence  of  about  four  or  five  rods,  all  quito 
securely  fastened  together. 

T  hitched  the  steers  to  it,  stepped  back,  swung 
my  whip,  and  yelled^  '  0-ee  there,"  and  they  did 
''gee."  Away  they  went,  gate  post  and  fence 
following  after.  1  ran  after  them,  yelling  "  whoa," 
at  the  top  of  my  voice,  but  they  didn't  ''whoa," 
and  seemed  bent  on  scattering  fence-rails  over  the 
whole  farm.  One  after  another  dropped  oft  as 
they  ran  several  rods  down  the  lane,  before  I  was 
able  to  overtake  and  stop  them      Realizinjr  ih-^y 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF  HUSXING. 


"•^F    FOR    NEW  _YPJMt«r— PAGK     ^T, 


UNiVERSi. 

URBANA 


TWENTV    YEARS   OF   HUS'UNG.  27 

we  were  liable  to  be  caught  in  the  act,  we 
unhitciied  them  on  the  spot,  and  after  can  ying 
the  yoke  back  to  the  bam,  went  immediately  to 
school  so  as  to  be  able  to  divert  suspicion  from 
ourselves. 

On  the  arrival  home  of  my  folks,  which 
occuiTed  just  as  school  was  out,  Mr.  Keefer  drove 
to  the  bam,  and  at  once  discovered  that  his  new 
fence  had  been  moved  and  scattered  down  the 
lane — which  was  the  most  mysterious  of  any- 
thing that  had  ever  occurred  in  our  family.  He 
looked  the  ground  all  over,  but  as  we  had  left  no 
clue  he  failed  to  suspect  me. 

The  case  was  argued  by  all  members  of  the 
family  and  many  theories  advanced,  and  even 
some  of  the  neighbors  showed  their  usual  inter- 
est in  trying  to  solve  the  mystery. 

Of  course  it  was  the  generally  accepted  belief 
that  it  was  the  spite-work  of  some  one,  but  who 
could  it  be,  and  how  on  earth  could  anyone  have 
done  such  a  dare-devil  thing  in  broad  day  light, 
when  from  every  appearance  it  was  no  small  task 
to  perform,  was  the  wonder  of  all.  The  more 
curious  they  became  the  more  fear  I  had  of 
exposure. 

A  I'ew  dav-^  later  while  Mr.  Keefer  and  T  were 


28  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HITS'LING 

in  the  baru,  he  remarked,  that  he  would  like  to 
know  who  tore  that  fence  down. 

I  then  acknowledged  to  him  that  I  knew  who 
did  it,  and  if  he  would  agree  to  buy  me  a 
*'  fiddle,"  I  would  tell  him  all  about  it.  He  had 
for  years  refused  to  allow  the  "noisy  thing  in 
the  house,"  as  he  expressed  it,  but  thinking  to 
clear  up  the  mysteiy,  he  agreed,  and  I  made  a 
frank  confession. 

After  this,  he  said  he  would  buy  me  the  fiddle 
when  I  became  of  age,  and  as  I  had  failed  to 
make  any  specifications  in  my  compromise  with 
him,  he  of  course  had  the  best  of  me. 

I  was  not  long,  however,  in  getting  even  with 
him.  I  had  a  well-to-do  uncle  (my  own  father's 
brother)  J.  H.  Johnston,  in  the  retail  jewelry 
business,  at  150  Bowery,  N.  Y.,  (at  which  place 
he  is  still  located) .  I  wrote  him  a  letter  explain- 
ing my  great  ambition  to  become  a  fiddler,  and 
how  my  folks  wouldn't  be  bothered  with  the 
noise.  I  very  shortly  received  an  answer  saying. 
'"Come  to  New  York  at  once  at  my  expense; 
iiave  bought  you  a  violin^  and  want  ^-ou  to  liv<^ 
with  me  until  you  are  of  age.  You  can  attend 
^hool,  and  fid<lj<*  to  vour  hear^'^  (-oTiient' 


iwivTWG  Ai    TVKW  vnn^^ — PAGS    '' 


Lw. 


TWENTY    YBARS  OF   HUS'UNG,  3; 

He  also  said,  that  after  I  had  attended  scnool 
rfight  years  there,  he  would  give  me  my  choice  oj! 
three  things;  to  graduate  at  West  Point,  learn 
the  jewelry  business,  or  be  a  preacher 

When  this  letter  was  read  aloud  by  mj^  mother 
m  the  presence  of  the  family  and  a  couple  ^.i 
neighbor  boys,  who  had  called  that  evening,  it 
created  a  great  deal  of  laughter. 

One  the  boys  asked  if  my  uncle  was  much 
acquainted  with  me,  and  when  informed  he  had 
not  se«u  me  since  I  was  two  years  old,  he  said 
chat  was  what  he  thought. 

My  mother  fixed  me  up  in  the  finest  array  pos- 
sible, and  with  a  large  carpet  bag  full  of  clothes, 
boots,  shoes,  hats,  caps  and  every  thing  suitable^ 
as  she  supposed,  for  almost  every  occasion  imag- 
inable. After  bidding  adieu  forever  to  every  one 
for  miles  around,  I  started  for  my  new  home. 

On  arriving  at  my  uncle's  store,  he  greeted  me 
kindly,  and  immediately  hustled  me  off  to  a 
clothing  establishment,  where  a  grand  lightning 
change  and  transformation  scene  took  place.  1 
was  then  nin  into  a  barber  shop  for  the  first  time 
in  my  life,  and  there  relieved  of  a  majut  porticfir 
of  my  cr>:>p  ox  iair.. 


32  TWENTY    YEAKa  OF  HUS'UNO. 

"WTien  we  reached  his  residence  I  was  pie 
sented  to  the  family,  and  then  with  the  fiddle,  a 
box  of  shoe  blacking  and  brush,  a  tooth  brushy 
clothes  brush,  hair  brush  and  comb,  the  New 
Testament  and  a  book  of  etiquette. 

I  was  homesick  in  less  than  twenty -four  hours 

I  would  have  given  ten  years  of  my  life,  could 
I  have  taken  just  one  look  at  my  yoke  of  steers, 
or  visited  my  old  quail  trap,  down  in  the  woods, 
which  I  had  not  failed  to  keep  baited  for  several 
winters  in  succession  and  had  never  yet  caught  a 
quail. 

Whenever  I  stood  before  the  looking  glass,  the 
very  sight  of  myself,  wdth  the  wonderful  change 
in  appearance,  made  me  feel  that  I  was  in  a  far* 
off  land  among  a  strange  class  of  people. 

Then  I  would  think  of  how  I  must  blacicen 
my  shoes,  brush  my  clothes,  comb  my  hair,  live 
up  to  the  rules  of  etiquette  and  possibly  turn  out 
to  be  a  preacher. 

I  kept  my  trouble  to  myself  as  much  as  possi- 
ble, but  life  was  a  great  burden  to  me. 

My  uncle  was  as  kind  to  me  as  an  own  father, 
and  gave  me  to  understand,  that  whenever  I 
needed  money  I  had  only  to  ask  for  it.  This 
was  a  new  phase  of  life,  and  it  was  hard  foi   me 


IWENTY    YKARS   OF    HUS'LING  33 

•o  understand  how  he  could  afford  to  allow  me  to 
spend  money  so  freely.  But  when  he  actually 
reprimanded  me  one  day  for  being  stingy,  and 
said  I  ought  to  be  ashamed  to  stand  around  on 
tile  outside  of  a  circus  tent  and  stare  at  the 
advertising  bills  when  I  had  plenty  of  money 
in  my  pocket,  I  thought  then  he  must  be  "a 
little  off  in  his  upper  story."  Of  course  I  didn't 
tell  him  so,  but  I  really  think  for  the  time. being 
he  lowered  himself  considerably  in  my  estima- 
tion, by  trying  to  make  a  spendthrift  of  me.  I 
had  been  taught  that  economy  was  wealth,  and 
the  only  road  to  success.  I  thought  how  easily 
[  could  have  filled  my  iron  bank  at  home,  in 
which  I  had  for  years  been  saving  my  pennies, 
had  my  folks  been  like  my  uncle. 

Altogether  it  was  a  question  hard  to  solve, 
whether  I  should  remain  there  and  take  my 
chances  of  being  a  preacher  and  possibly  die  of 
home-sickness,  with  plenty  of  money  in  my 
pockets,  or  return  to  Ohio,  where  I  had  but  a  few 
days  before  bidden  farewell  forever  to  the  whole 
country,  and  where  I  knew  hard  work  on  the  farm 
awaited  me,  and  economy  stared  me  in  the  face, 
vithout  a  dollar  m  mv  pocket 


34  TWENTY     YEARS   OP   HUS  LINt 

Of  the  i.'wo  1  chose  the  latter  and  returned 
home  in  less  than  three  weeks  a  full  fledged  New 
Yorker.  I  brought  my  fiddle  along  and  suc- 
ceeded in  making  life  a  burden  to  ]\Ir.  Keefer, 
who  "never  it'as  fond  of  music,  anyhow,"  and 
uho  never  failed  to  show  a  look  of  disgust  when- 
ever I  struck  up  my  tune. 

Before  I  left  New  York,  my  uncle  very  kindl}' 
told   me   that   if  I  would    attend   school    regB 
larly  after  getting   home,  he  would   assist   me 
financially. 

He  kept  his  promise,  and  for  that  I  now  hold 
him  in  grateful  remembrance. 

I  made  rather  an  uneventful  trip  homeward, 
beguiling  the  time  by  playing  my  only  tune 
which  I  had  learned  while  in  New  York — "The 
girl  I  left  behind  me."  It  proved  to  be  a  very 
appropriate  piece,  especially  after  I  explained 
what  tune  it  was,  as  there  were  some  soldiers  on 
board  the  cars  who  were  returning  home  from 
the  war.  They  were  profuse  in  their  compli- 
ments, and  said  I  was  a  devilish  good  fiddler,  and 
would  probably  some  day  make  m}''  mark  at  it. 

I  felt  that  I  had  been  away  from  home  foi 
ages,  and  wondered  if  my  folks  looked  natural 
ii"  they  would  know  me  at  first  sight,  and  if  tlif 
\c\    n  had  changed  my  absence 


lUliiN'lV    VliAkS   OF    HUSXING. 


r~ 


JO 


«E'»'URNTVG    H'' 


'■       -PAG-R    ^A. 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'LING.  37 

When  I  alighted  from  the  train  at  Clyde,  I  met 
several  acquaintances  who  simply  said,  "How 
are  you  Perr}'-?     How  are  the  folks?" 

Finally  I  met  one  man  who  said,  "  How  did  it 
happen  you  didn't  go  to  New  York?" 

Another  one  said: 

"When  you  going  to  start  on  your  trip, 
t'erry?     Where'd  you  get  your  fiddle?" 

I  then  started  for  the  farm,  and  on  my  arrival 
found  no  change  in  the  appearance  of  any  of  the 
family. 

My  mother  said  I  looked  like  a  corpse. 

Mr.  Keefer  said  he  was  glad  to  see  me,  oti? 
sorry  about  that  cussed  old  fiddle. 


\S  TWENTY    YEARS   Oh    HUSXiNG. 


CHAPTER  n. 

liy  MOTHER  WISHES  ME  TO  LEARN  A  TRADE- 
MY  BURNING  DESIRE  TO  BE  A  LIVE-STOCK 
DEALER — EMPLOYED  BY  A  DEAF  DROVER  TO 
DO  HIS  HEARING — HOW  I  AMUSED  MY'SELF 
AT   HIS   EXPENSE  AND   MISFORTUNE. 

I  then  began  attending  school  at  Clyde,  Ohio, 
boarding  at  home  and  walking  the  distance  — 
three  miles  -during  the  early  fall  and  late  spring, 
and  boarding  in  town  at  my  uncle's  expense  dur- 
ing the  cold  weather. 

At  the  age  of  sixteen  I  felt  that  my  school 
education  was  sufficient  to  carry  me  through  life 
and  my  thoughts  were  at  once  turned  to  business. 

My  mother  frequently  counseled  with  me  and 
suggested  the  learning  of  a  trade,  or  book-keep- 
ing, or  that  I  take  a  position  as  clerk  in  some 
mercantile  establishment,  all  of  which  I  stub 
bornly  rebelled  against. 

She  then  insisted  that  I  should  settle  my  mind 
:)n  some  om  things  which  I  was  unable  to  do. 

My  gref:le?t  desire  was  to  become  a  dealer  in 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF   KUS'LING.  30 

Mve  stock,  which  necessitated  large  capil:?!  iv^d 
yer.rs  v     practical  experience  for  assured  success. 

This  desire    no   doubt    had   gro\vn   upon    me 
through  having  been  frequently  employed  by  a 
old  friend  of  the  family,  Lucius    Smith,   who 
was  in  that  business. 

He  was  one  of  the  most  profane  ui2n  in  the 

ountry,  as  well  as  one  of  the  most  honorable, 

and  so  very  deaf  as  to  be  obliged  to  have  some 

one  constantly  with  nim  to  do  the  hearing  for 

him. 

He  became  so  accustomed  to  conversing  with 
me  as  to  enable  him  to  understand  almost  ever^^ 
thing  I  said  by  the  motion  of  my  lips.  For  these 
services  he  paid  me  one  dollar  per  day  and  ex- 
penses. I ;  sed  to  amuse  myself  a  great  deal  at 
his  expense  and  misfortune.  He  owned  and 
drove  an  old  black  mare  with  the  "  string-halt " 
and  so  high-spirited  that  the  least  urging  wou'd 
set  her  going  like  a  whirlwind. 

Whenever  we  came  to  a  rough  piece  of  road  I 
would  sit  back  in  my  seat  and  cluck  and  urg'- 
her  on  in  an  undertone,  when  she  would  lay  her 
ears  back  and  dash  ahead  at  lightning  speed. 

Mr.  Smith  u:^able  to  hear  me  or  to  understand 
J.c  reasoii  for  t'lis,  would  bang  on  to  the  reins 


40  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'LINO 

as  she  dashed  ahead,  and  say :    "See  ergo!     bet- 

'er  go!     The old  fool,  see  'er  go!     Did 

you  ever  see  such  a  crazy     old  fool  as  she 

is?     See  'er  go!     See  'er  go!     Every  lime  she 
comes  to  a  rough  piece  of  road  she  lighls  out  as 

if  the  d 1  was  after  her.     See  'er  go!     The 

crazy  old  fool.     See  'er  go! '' 

It  was  alone  laughable  to  see  the  old  marc 
travel  at  a  high  rate  of  speed  on  account  of  lift- 
ing her  hind  feet  so  very  high  in  consequence  of 
her  "string-halt"  affliction. 

As  soon  as  the  rough  road  was  passed  over  I 
would  quit  urging  her,  and  she  would  quiet  down 
to  her  usual  gait. 

Then  Lute,  with  a  look  of  disgust,  would  de- 
clare that  he  would  trade  the    crazj^  old  fool 

off  the  very  first  chance  he  had  "  if  he  had  to 
take  a  goat  even  up  for  her." 

One  day  we  drove  up  to  a  fanner  who  was  work- 
ing in  the  garden,  and  Lute  inquired  at  the  to] 
of  his  voice  if  he  had  any  sheep  to  sell. 

The  man  said  he  did  not,  and  never  had  owned 
a  sheep  in  his  life.  I  waited  until  Mr.  Smith 
looked  at  me  for  the  man's  answer  when  I  said: 

"Yes,  he  has  some  for  sale." 

Then  a  conversation  about  as  follows  ensuec^ 


TWENTY     VKAKS    <  >!•     HUS'UING. 


4* 


V^vTI, 


rWfcNTV    YEARS   OF    M US  LINO.  4.' 

Smith — "Are  they  wethers  or  ewes?" 
Farmer — "I  told  you  I  had  none  for  sale." 
Interpreter— \n  undertone,  ''  Wethers." 
S7mtfi~'' Kr^  they  fat?" 
Farmer—'''  Fat  nothing.     I  tell  you  I  have  nc 

sheep." 

Interpreter — "Very  fleshy." 
S?mtk — "About  how  much  will  they  weigh?'' 
Farmer— t'^  Oh ^  go  on  about  your  business." 
Interpreter — "Six  hundred  pounds  each." 
Smith — "Great  Heavens!     Do   you  claim  to 

own  a  flock  of  sheep  that  r.verage  that  we'ght?'' 
Interpreter — "  He  says  tliat's  Vvhat  he  claims." 
Smith — "  Where  are  they  ?     I  v/ould  like  to  see 

just  one  sheep  of  that  v/eight.'' 

/Y/rw^r— Disgusted    and    fighting    mad— "O, 

you  are  too  gosh  darn  smart  for  this  country." 
Interpreter — "He  says  you  had  better  not  call 

him  a  liar." 

Smith — "Who  in  thunder  called  you  a  liar?' 
Farmer — "Well,  you  had  better  7iot  call  me  a 

liar,  either." 

Interpreter — "He  says  you  can't  beat  him  out 

of  any  sheep." 

S?nith — "WTio  wants  to  heat  you  out  of  you^ 

>heep,  3''0u  chump?     I  cari  pay  for  all  I  buy." 


44  TWKNTY    YEARS    OF    HUS'LINO 

Farmer — looking  silly — "Well  that's  all  right. 
When  did  you  get  out  of  the  insane  asylum?" 

Interpreter — "He  says  he  wouldn't  think  so 
judging  from  your  horse  and  buggy." 

5w////— "Well,  I'll  bet  five  hundred  dollars 
you  haven't  a  horse  on  youi  cussed  old  farm  thai 
can  trot  with  her.". 

Farmer — "Who  said  anything  about  a  horse, 
you  lunatic?" 

Interpreter — "He  says  if  3'ou  have  so  much 
money  you'd  better  pay  your  debts." 

Smith — "  You  uncultivated  denizen  of  this  God- 
forsaken country,  I  want  you  to  distinctly  under- 
stand I  do  pay  my  debts  and  I  dare  say  that  is 
more  \}^2,\\yoii  do." 

Farmer — "Well,  you  are  absolutely  the  crank- 
iest old  fool  I  ever  saw.'' 

Interpreter — "He  says  3'ou  don't  bear  thai 
reptttation." 

Smith —  'The  dickens  1  don''  I  don't  owe  vou 
nor  any  oth^r  man  a  cent  that  I  can't  pay  in  nve 
seconds." 

Far^ner — to  his  wife — "  Great  Heavens !  What 
io  vou  suppose  ails  that  'ere  man  ?  '^ 

.nterprctcr — "He  say^  he  ^-nows  you,  aud  yor^ 
lan't  «?\vnndle  hini'" 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'LING.  45 

Smith  (driving  off) — "I  think  you  are  a  crazy 
old  liar  anyhow,  and  I'll  bet  you  never  owned  a 
sheep  in  3'our  life." 

The  leader  will  be  able  to  form  a  better  idea  of 
the  ridiculousness  of  this  controversy  as  it 
sounded  to  me,  by  simply  reading  the  conversa- 
tion bet^veeu  Smith  and  the  farmer,  omitting 
what  I  had  to  S2,y. 

The  need  of  capital  would  of  course  have  pre- 
vented me  from  going  into  the  live  stock  busi- 
ness, and  the  very  thought  of  my  being  com- 
pe.lid  to  work  for  and  under  some  one  else  in 
learning  a  trade  or  business,  was  enough  to  de- 
stroy all  pleasure  or  satistaction  in  doing  business. 
This  caused  m},  mother  much  anxiety,  as  ir  wa,« 
?»  question  what  vOnrse  I  would  pursue. 


i6  rWENTV    VF^RS   Oh'   HUS'LING 


CHAPTER  III. 

SELLING  AND  TRADING  OFF  MY  FLOCK  OF  SHEEP 
— COPARTNERSHIP  FORMED  WITH  A  NEIGH- 
BOR BO\--OUR  DISSOLUTION — MY  CONTIN. 
UANCF  I>7  BUSINESS — COLLAPSE  OF  A  CHICK- 
FN  DEAL — DESTRUCTION  OF  A  WAGON  LOAD 
CF  EGGS— ARRESTED  AND  FINED  MY  LAST 
DOLLAR— ARRIVED   HOME  "BROKE." 

1  became  very  ai)xi:.:is  to  sell  my  sheep  in  or- 
der to  invest  the  money  in  business  of  some  kind, 
but  could  not  find  a  buyer  for  more  than  twenty- 
five  head.  This  sale  brought  me  seventy-five 
dollars  in  cash,  and  I  traded  thirty-five  head  for 
a  horse  a  nd  ^vagon. 

Thus  equipped,  I  concluded  to  engage  in  buy- 
ing and  selling  butter,  eggs,  chickens  and  sheep 
pelts.  Not  quite  satisfied  that  I  would  succeed 
alone,  I  decided  to  take  in  one  of  our  neighbor 
boys  as  a  partner. 

He  furnished  a  horse  to  drive  \v\ih  mine,  and 
we  started  out,  each  having  the  utmost  confidence 
in  the  other's  ability,  but  very  little  coiifidencc 
in  himself 


TWENTY    VEARS  OF  HUS'UNG.  47 

We  made  a  two  weeks*  trip,  and  after  selling 
jVLt  entirely  and  counting  our  cash,  found  we  had 
eighteen  cents  more  than  when  we  started.  We 
had  each  succeeded  in  ruining  our  only  respecta- 
ble suit  of  clothes,  and  our  team  looked  as  if  it 
had  been  through  a  six  months'  war  campaign. 

My- partner  said  he  didn't  think  there  was  any 
money  in  the  business,'  so  we  diss*  ^  ed  partner- 
ship. 

I  then  decided  to  make  the  chicken  business  a 
specialty,  believing  that  the  profits  were  large 
enough  to  pay  well.  Mr,  Keefer  loaned  me  a 
horse,  and  after  building  a  chicken-rack  on  my 
wagon,  I  started  out  on  my  new  mission. 

There  was  no  trouble  in  buying  what  I  con- 
sidered a  sufficient  number  to  give  it  a  fair  trial, 
which  netted  me  a  total  cost  of  thirty-five  dollars. 

Sandusky  City,  twenty  miles  firom  home,  was 
the  point  designed  for  marketing  them. 

I  made  calculations  on  leaving  home  at  out 
o'clock  on  the  coming  Wednesday  morning,  in 
order  to  arrive  there  early  on  regular  market  day. 

The  night  before  I  was  to  start,  a  young  ac- 
quaintance and  distant  relative  came  to  visit  me. 
He  was  delighted  with  the  idea  of  accompanying 
:»ie  to  the  city  when  T  in  vited  him  to  do  so 


48  TWENTY    VEARS   OF    HUS'UNG 

During  the  fore  part  of  the  night  a  verj'  severt 
rain  storm  visited  us.  I  had  left  the  loaded  wagon 
standing  in  the  yard. 

Little  suspecting  the  damage  the  storm  had 
done  me,  we  drove  off  in  high  spirits,  entering 
the  suburbs  of  the  city  at  day-break. 

Then  Rollin  happened  to  raise  the  lid  -on  top 
of  the  rack,  and  discovei-ed  very  little  signs  of 
life. 

We  made  an  immediate  investigation  and  found 
we  were  hauling  dead  chickens  to  market,  there 
being  but  ten  live  ones  among  the  lot,  and  the}* 
were  in  a  frightful  condition.  Their  feathers 
were  turned  in  all  directions,  and  their  eyes  roll- 
ing backwards  as  if  in  the  agonies  of  death.  This 
trouble  had  been  caused  by  the  deluge  of  water 
from  the  rain  of  the  night  before,  as  I  had  neg- 
lected to  pro\nde  a  way  for  the  water  to  pass 
through  the  box.  The  chickens  that  escaped 
drowTiing  had  been  suffocated.  We  threw  the 
dead  ones  into  a  side  ditch,  and  hastened  to  the 
cit}'.  1^0  time  was  lost  in  disposing  of  the  ten 
dying  fowls  at  about  half  their  original  cost. 

We  held  a  consultation  and  agreed  that  the 
chicken  business  was  disagreeable  and  unpleas- 
ant anyhow      Then  and  there  we  decided  to  with 


TWENTY     VHAKb   UP    HLb  LING  4C, 

draw  from  it  in  favor  of  almost  any  other  scheme 
either  might  suggest.  While  speculating  ou 
what  to  try  next,  the  grocer  to  whom  we  had  sold 
the  chickens  remarked  that  he  would  give  eight- 
een cents  per  dozen  for  eggs  delivered  in  quanti- 
ties of  not  less  than  one  hundred  dozen.  I  felt 
certain  I  could  buy  them  in  the  country  so  as  to 
realize  a  fair  profit.  After  demolishing  the  chicken 
rack  and  loading  our  wagon  with  a  lot  of  boxes 
and  baiTels,  we  started  on  our  hunt  for  eggs.  We 
soon  learned  that  by  driving  several  miles  away 
to  small  villages,  we  could  buy  them  from  coun- 
try merchants  for  twelve  cents  per  dozen. 

We  bought  over  three  hundred  dozen  and 
started  back  with  only  one  dollar  in  cash  left  to 
defray  expenses. 

On  the  way  our  team  became  frightened  at  a 
steam  engine  and  ran  fully  two  miles  at  the  top 
of  their  speed  over  a  stone  pike  road.  We  were 
unable  to  manage  them,  but  at  last  succeeded  in 
reining  them  into  a  fence  comer,  where  we 
landed  with  a  crash,  knocking  down  about  three 
rods  of  fence,  and  coming  to  a  sudden  halt  wdth 
one  horse  and  half  of  the  wagon  on  the  opposite 
side,  and  the  eggs  flying  about,  scattered  in  al) 
directions 


50  rwENTV    vbAKs  xji*  au:   ^ing. 

I  landed  on  my  head  in  a  ditch,  while  the 
wagon-seat  landed  ''right  side  up  with  care"  on 
the  road  side,  with  Rollin  sitting  squarely  in  it 
as  if  unmolested.  The  mishap  caused  no  more 
damage  to  horses  and  wagon  than  a  slight  break 
of  the  wagon  pole  and  a  bad  scare  for  the  horses. 

But  it  was  a  sight  to  behold !  The  yelks  were 
streaming  down  through  the  cracks  of  the  wagon 
box. 

I  felt  that  my  last  and  only  hopes  were  blasted 
as  I  gazed  on  that  mixture  of  bran  and  eggs. 

We  were  but  a  short  distance  from  the  city, 
whither  we  hastened  and  drove  immediately  to 
the  bay  shore. 

There  we  unloaded  the  boxes  and  barrels  and 
began  sorting  out  the  whole  eggs  and  cracked 
ones.  After  washing  them  we  invoiced  about 
twenty-six  dozen  whole,  and  four  dozen  cracked. 
The  latter  we  sold  to  a  boarding  house  near  by, 
and  the  former  we  peddled  out  from  house  to 
house.  We  counted  our  money,  which  amounted 
to  five  dollars  and  seventy-two  cents.  We  then 
held  another  consultation,  and  decided  that  "  luck 
had  been  against  us."  We  also  decided  that  we 
had  better  start  at  once  for  home,  if  we  expected 
V)  reach  there  before  our  last  dollar  was  lost.     In 


M'^W 


^! 


our  confusion  and  excitement  we  prepared  to  do 
so  but  happened  to  think  we  ought  to  feed  our 
team  before  making  so  long  a  journey. 

We  returned  to  a  grocery  store,  and  after  buy- 
ing fifteen  cents'  worth  of  oats,  drove  to  a  sida 
street,  unhitched  our  horses,  and  turned  thein 
heads  to  the  wagon  to  feed,  after  which  we  weir 
to  a  baker}'  and  ate  bologna  sausage  and  crackers 
for  dinner. 

On  returning  to  the  wagon  we  found  a  large 
flesh)^  gentleman  awaiting  us.  He  wore  a  long 
ulster  coat  and  a  broad-brimmed  hat,  and  carried 
a  large  cane.  After  making  several  inquiries  of 
to  the  ownership  of  the  team,  where  we  hailed 
from,  and  what  our  business  was,  he  politely  in- 
formed us  that  he  was  an  officer  of  the  law,  and 
would  be  obliged  to  take  us  before  the  Mayor  of 
the  city.  We  asked  what  we  had  done  that  we 
should  be  arrested. 

He  simply  informed  us  that  we  would  find  ou* 
when  we  got  there. 

We  protested  against  any  such  proceedings, 
when  he  threw  back  his  coat-collar,  exposing  his 
"star"  to  full  view,  and  sternly  commanded  us  to 
follow  him.  On  our  way  to  the  Mayor's  office  1 
urged  him  to  tell  us  the  trouble,  but  in  vain  1 
ihou^nit  of  eveiy^imr'f  ^^"^  ^^'er  done,  and  vu 


^A  TWENTY    VEARS   OF    HUS'LING. 

dered  if  there  were  any  law  against  accidentally 
breaking  eggs  or  having  chickens  die  on  out 
hands.  We  arrived  there  only  to  find  that  the 
Mayor  was  at  dinner. 

The  suspense  was  terrible  1 

The  more  I  thought  about  it,  the  more  guilty. 
I  thought  I  was. 

In  a  few  moments  he  returned,  and  I  am  cer- 
tain I  looked  and  acted  as  though  I  had  b^en  car- 
rying oflf  a  bank. 

When  his  Majesty  took  his  seat,  the  officer  in- 
formed him  that  we  had  b^en  violating  the  city 
ordinance  by  feeding  our  horses  on  the  streets. 
The  Executive  asked  what  we  had  to  say  for  our- 
selves. 

We  acknowledged  the  truth  of  the  statement, 
but  undertook  to  explain  our  ignorance  of  the 
law. 

He  reminded  us  that  ignorance  of  law  excused 
no  one,  and  our  fine  would  be  five  dollars  and 
costs,  the  whole  amount  of  which  would  be  seven 
dollars  and  fifty  cents. 

At  this  juncture  we  saw  the  necessity  for  im-> 
mediate  action  towards  our  defense,  as  the  jail 
was  staring  us  iu  the  face. 

Rollin,  who  was  older  and  more  experienced 


i-WKNTY     VEARS   Ol'    aUSXlNG  ^S 

Chan  myself,  and  withal  a  bnlliant  sort  of  lad, 
took  our  case  in  iiand  and  made  a  plea  that  would 
have  done  credit  to  a  country  lawyer. 

It  resulted  iu  a  partial  verdict  in  our  favor,  fo^ 
after  explaining  our  misfortunes  and  that  all  the 
money  we  hf».d  left  was  five  dollars  'and  thirty* 
seven  cents,  and  as  proof  of  our  statement 
ciounted  it  out  on  his  desk,  he  remitted  what  we 
lacked,  but  said  as  he  raked  in  the  pile,  "Well, 
boys,  I  am  very  sorry  for  your  misfortunes  and 
will  let  you  down  easy  this  time,  but  you  must  be 
more  careful  hereafter." 

I  replied  that  he  needn't  have  any  fears  of  oui 
ever  viol?, dug  their  city  ordinance  again,  as  it 
wa-,  my  impression  that  would  be  our  last  visit 
there. 

We  kft  for  home  without  any  further  cere- 
mony, neither  seeming  to  have  anything  particu- 
iar  ^.o  say.  I  don't  believe  half  a,  dozen  words 
riassed  between  us  during  the  whole  twenty  miles 
ride. 

On  arriving  home  my  mother  anxiously  in* 
■quired  how  I  came  out  with  my  chicken  deal. 

"Well,  I  came  out  alive,"  I  replied. 

"How  much  money  did  you  make?"  she 
asked. 


^O  TWEN'IN     S  HARS    OF    HUS'UW^^ 

"How  much  money  did  I  make?  Well,  when 
I  got  to  Sandusk}^  I  discovered  all  my  chickens 
were  dead  but  ten,"  and  explained  the  cause. 

''Where  have  you  been  that  you  did  not  return 
home  sooner?"  she  asked  next. 

I  explained  my  Qgg  contract  and  my  trip  in 
the  country  to  procure  them. 

"Well,  how  was  that  speculation?"  she  asked. 

"About  the  same  as  with  the  chickens,"  was 
my  answer  When  I  entered  into  particulars 
concerning  the  wreck  she  became  greatly  dis- 
gusted, and  sarcastically  remarked: 

"I  am  really  surprised  ihat  you  had  sense 
enough  to  come  home  before  losing  your  last 
dollar." 

"  Well,"  I  replied,  "  I  am  gratified  to  know  that 
such  a  condition  of  affairs  would  be  no  surprise 
to  you,  as  it  is  an  absolute  fact  that  I  have  been 
cleaned.,  out  oif  not  only  my  last  dollar  but  my 
last  penu}'." 

I  then  rehearsed  the  visit  to  the  Mayor  and 
its  results. 

She  gave  me  an  infonnal  notice  tli-'t  my  ser\ 
ices  were  required  in  the  potato  patch,  and  tt>  fill 
the  position  creditably  I  slionld  rise  at  five  o'clock 
ou  the  following  morniu:.^ 


TWENTY    YHARS   OF    HUS'LING,  57 


CHAPTER   IV. 

BORROWING  MONEY  FROM  MR.  KEEPER— BUYING 
AND  SELLING  SHEEP  PELTS  —  HOW  I  SUC- 
CEEDED— A  COPARTNERSHIP  IN  THE  RES- 
TAURANT BUSINESS — BUYING  OUT  MY  PART. 
NER — COLLAPSED — MORE  HELP  FROM  MR. 
KEEPER — HORSES   AND   PATENT   RIGHTS. 

I  hardly  complied  with  my  mother's  five  o'clock 
order.  When  I  did  arise  I  sought  Mr.  Keefer,  to 
whom  I  told  the  story  of  my  misfortunes.  He 
listened  attentively  and  said  he  could  easily  see 
that  it  was  bad  luck,  and  he  believed  I  would  3'et 
be  successful.  I  explained  to  him  that  if  he 
would  lend  me  fifteen  dollars,  I  could  engage  in 
buying  sheep  pelts,  which  could  neither  drown, 
suffocate  nor  break. 

He  complied  with  my  request,  and  I  started  out 
that  morning  with  only  my  own  horse  hitched  to 
a  light  wagon. 

Rollin,  having  finished  his  \'isit,  left  for  home 
the  same  da};:. 

r  bought  several  pelts  during  the  day,  and  sold 


58  TWENTY    YEARS   Ol'    HUS'LING. 

them  to  a  dealer  before  returning  home,  making 
a  profit  of  three  dollars. 

This  was  the  first  success  I  had  met  with  dur- 
ing my  three  weeks'  experience,  and  was  cer- 
tainly very  encouraging.  I  continued  in  the 
business  until  cold  weather,  when  I  had  cleared 
one  hundred  dollars. 

I  then  began  looking  about  for  a  chance  to  in- 
vest what  I  had  made,  as  the  weather  w*as  too 
cold  to  continue  traveling  in  the  country. 

I  was  not  long  in  finding  an  opportunit}^  to 
invest  with  an  old  school  mate  in  a  restaurant. 

It  took  about  sixty  days  to  learn  that  the  busi- 
ness would  not  support  two  persons.  As  he  was 
unable  to  buy  me  out,  I  made  him  an  offer  of  my 
horse  for  his  share,  I  to  assume  all  liabilities  of 
the  firm,  which  amounted  to  about  one  hundred 
dollars. 

He  accepted  my  proposition.  I  sold  the  re- 
mainder of  my  flock  of  sheep,  and  paid  the  debts. 
1  kept  on  with  the  business,  meeting  M'ith  splen- 
did success  in  selling  cigars  and  confectionery 
and  feeding  any  iiumber  of  my  acquaintances, 
for  which  I  received  promises  to  pay,  and  which 
lip  to  the  presf^nt  writing  have  never  been  col- 
lected. 


TWENTY    YP:ARS    OF    HUS'UNG.  59 

When  spring  came,  my  liabilities  were  two 
hundred  and  fifty  dollars,  and  no  stock  in  trade. 
My  available  assets  were  a  lot  of  marred  and 
broken  furniture  which  I  peddled  out  in  pieces, 
receiving  in  cash  about  one  hundred  dollars  which 
I  applied  on  my  debts. 

X  called  on  Mr.  Keefer  with  a  full  explanation 
of  "just  how  it  all  happened,"  and  he  said  he 
could  see  how  it  occurred,  and  without  hesitation 
endorsed  a  note  wnth  me  to  raise  the  balance  of 
my  indebtedness. 

Now  X  began  looking  for  something  else  to  en- 
gage in.    - 

It  was  the  wrong  time  of  year  for  buying  sheep 
pelts.  My  funds  exhausted  and  in  debt  besides, 
I  felt  anxious  to  strike  something  very  soon. 

My  mother  still  insisted  that  I  should  learn  a 
trade  or  get  steady  employment  somewhere.  I 
told  her  there  was  nothing  in  it.  She  claimed 
there  Avas  a  living  in  it,  which  I  admitted,  But 
declared  if  I  kept  "hustling"  I  would  accomplish 
i-liat  much  anyhow. 

She  gave  me  to  distinctly  understand  that  Mr. 
tCeefer  would  sign  no  more  notes  nor  loan  me  a' 
dollar  in  money  thereafter.     Mr.  Keefer  held  a 
note  of  fifty  dollar'^   ngfp.inst  a    mati,  rxit  vpt  dnr. 


•30  iWENVV    )?KARS  Ol    HUS'LING. 

wHcli  he  liandeS  tc  me  that  same  morning,  sry- 
jig  if  I  could  use  it  I  could  have  it. 

A  young  man  in  our  village  had  just  patented 
an  invention  for  closing  gates  and  doors.  He 
offered  me  the  right  for  the  State  of  Illinois  foi 
this  note,  which  I  readily  accepted. 

In  a  few  days  I  traded  my  right  in  this  patent 
for  six  counties  iu  Michigan  and  Indiana  in  a 
patent  p*""^niug  shears,  an  old  buck  sheep,  a  knit- 
ting machine,  an  old  dulcimer,  a  shot-gun  and  a 
watch. 

I  traded  all  of  the  truck  except  the  w^tch,  for 
an  old  gray  mare.  Then  commenced  a  business 
of  trading  horses  and  watches. 

In  this  I  was  quite  successful  during  the  sum- 
mer and  fall.  I  had  paid  my  board  and  clothed 
myself  comfortably,  and  was  the  owner  of  a  h«Tsc 
which  I  had  refused  a  large  sum  for,  besides  an 
elegant  watch  which  I  valued  highly. 

My  mother  said  it  was  a  regular  starA^cd-U) 
•    -,t£i  business. 

T.  Keefer  said  he  knew  1  would  mak?  it  'k^v 


TWJiWTy     Yl'.AKti    UK    HUS'UNG.  6i 


CHAPTER  V. 

DWINDLED  OUT  OF  A  HORSE  AND  WATCH — MOR'^ 
HELP  FROM  MR.  KEEFER — HOW  I  GOT  EVEN 
IN  THE  WATCH  TRADE — MY  PATENT  RIGHT 
TRIP  TO  MICHIGAN  AND  INDIANA — ITS  RE- 
SULTS—  HOW  A  WOULD-BE  SHARPER  GOT 
COME  UP  WITH. 

One  daj^  as  I  was  passing  the  house  of  a  neigi 
)oring  farmer  he  came  out  and  hailed  me. 

"  How's  business  ?  "  he  asked. 

"O,  first-class,"  I  answered. 
'  Don't  you  want  to  trade  your  horse  and  watc* 
for  a  very  line  gold  watch?"  he  asked,  coufiden 
tidily, 

"Why,  I  don't  know.'* 

"Well,"  he  remarked,  "I  have  owned  such  a 
watch  for  three  years,  and  have  no  use  for  one  oi 
so  much  value.  A  cheaper  one  will  do  me  jusj. 
as  well,  and  I  am  ready  to  give  you  a  good  trade. ** 

I  entered  the  house  with  him,  and  he  said- 
'Wife,  bring  me  that  gold  watch  from  the  otnej 
room." 


9^  TWENTY    YEARS    OF    HUS'UNa 

"All  right,"  she  said,  and  brought  the  watch 
and  handed  it  to  me,  saying  as  she  did  so,  *'i 
have  been  in  constant  fear  for  three  years  of  ha\ 
ing  that  watch  stolen  from  us,  and  I  hope  my 
husband  will  trade  it  o''',  and  relieve  me  of  sc 
much  anxiety.'" 

I  took  it,  examined  it  and  discovered  a  small 
rusty  spot  in  the  inside  of  one  of  the  cases.  J 
called  their  attention  to  it  and  said,  "I  don't 
really  like  the  looks  of  that  spot." 

"Well,  sir,"  said  he,  "if  you  don't  like  the 
looks  of  that  rusty  spot,  just  leave  it  right  where 
it  is.  But  if  you  like  it  well  enough  to  give  me 
your  horse  and  watch  and  chain  for  it,  all  right 
If  not,  there  will  be  no  harm  done." 

His  inde  jendence  caught  me,  and  I  traded  at 
once. 

I  walked  back  home  with  much  pride,  and 

* 
showed  my  new  watch  to  the  folks. 

My  mother  looked  at  it  suspiciously  and  said 
in  rather  a  sneering  tone,  "Why,  it  looks  like  a 
cheap  brass  watch,  and  I  believe  it  is." 

"  O,  I  think  that  watch  u  all  right, "  said  Mr 
Keefer,  in  an  assuring  manner,   "and  I  believe 
he  has  made  a  good  tradfe      We'll  hitch  up  the 
team  and  go  down  to  Geo.  Ramsey  (the  jeweler) 
and  see  what  he  has  to  c-^*'  ^hoi^t  it." 


TWENTY    YEARS    OP    HL US  LING.  6j 

So  we  Started  oflf  and  handed  the  watch  to  Mr 
Ramsey.     He  looked  it  over  carefull}^  and  said 

"Well,  Perry,  it  is  so  badly  out  of  repair  thai 
it  would  not  pay  you  to  have  it  fixed." 

"  What  would  be  the  expense?" 

"About  five  dollars." 

"  After  being  put  in  good  order  what  would  it 
be  worth  ?  "  I  confidently  asked  again 

"Well,  Mr.  Close,  the  auctioneer  down  street, 
has  been  selling  them  for  three  dollars  and  a  half 
%piece." 

I  put  the  watch  in  my  pocket,  and  thanking 
him,  left  the  store,  and  explained  to  Mr.  Keefe^: 
"just  how  it  all  happened." 

He  said  he  thought  "it  was  enough  to  fool  any 
one." 

I  then  borrowed  fifteen  dollars  of  him,  to  "sort 
of  bridge  me  over,"  until  I  could  get  on  my  feet 
again. 

I  kept  quiet  about  my  trade.  In  fact,  /  had 
nothmg  to  say.  I  simply  told  two  or  three  of  my 
acquaintances  who  I  thought  might  help  me  out, 

A  few  days  after  this  a  gentleman  from  Ken  / 
tucky  made  his  appearance  on  the  streets  with  a 
patent  rat  trap. 

One  of  Ihe  men  to  whom  I  had  shown  ihe 


64  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    H US  LING. 

ivatch,  happened  to  be  talking  to  him  as  i  passed 
f^y,  and  remarked: 

''That  red-headed  fellow  owns  a  watch  which  he 
traded  a  horse  and  nice  watch  for  a  few  days  ago, 
and  I  believe  you  can  trade  him  territory  in  your 
patent  for  it." 

"I'll  give  3^ou  ten  dollars  if  you  ^vill  help  me 
put  it  through,"  said  the  rat  trap  man. 

"All  right,  I'll  help  you,"  said  my  friend. 

It  was  not  long  before  I  was  found  and  induced 
to  look  at  the  rat  trap. 

I  was  immensely  pleased  with  it,  and  felt  cer- 
tain I  could  sell  a  rat  trap  to  every  farmer  in  the 
country,  if  I  had  the  right  to  do  so. 

"What  is  the  price  of  Sandusky  County?'' 

"One  hundred  dollars." 

"  Well,  I  guess  the  price  is  reasonable  enoutrh  '• 
I  said,  "but  I  haven't  got  the  money.'' 

"What  have  you  got  to  'swap'?" 

"I  don't  think  I  have  anything,"  I  answered. 

"Haven't  you  got  a  horse,  town  lot  or  watch ^ 
1  am  in  need  of  a  good  watch  and  I  would  give 
some  one  an  extra  good  trade  for  one." 

I  replied:  "  I  have  a  watch,  but  I  don't  care  to 
trade  it  off." 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUS'UNG.  65 

''  Let  me  see  it,"  said  he.  After  looking  it 
jver,  he  said: 

"  It  suits  me  first-rate.     How  will  yot?  trade  ?  '" 

"  I'll  trade  for  one  hundred  dollars  and  San 
dusky  County." 

"No,"  he  said,  "I'll  give  you  fifty  dollars  in 
cash,  and  the  County. 

"I  won't  take  that,"  I.  said,  "but  I'll  tell  yot 
what  I  will  do.     I'll  take  seventy-five  dollars." 

"  I'll  split  the  difference  with  you," 

"  All  right,  make  out  the  papers," 

He  did  so,  and  handed  me  over  sixty-two  dol 
lars  and  fifty  cents  and  the  patent,  (which  I  still 
own),  for  my  watch. 

An  hour  afterwards  I  met  the  Kentuckian  whc 
excitedly  informed  me  that  the  watch  was  noi 
gold.  I  frankly  admitted  that  I  knew  it  was  not. 
and  that  I  didn't  remember  of  ever  saying  it  was. 
He  had  paid  my  friend  five  dollars  of  the  ten  he 
had  promised,  and  his  reason  for  not  paying  the 
balance  was  because  he  had  been  obliged  to  pay 
cash  difference  to  make  the  trade. 

He  looked  crestfallen  and  discouraged  and  took 
the  first  train  out  of  town,  "  a  sadder  and  a  wiser 
man." 

With  tnv  Jiixtv  'vid  dollar«i  and  3  sample  pa*^? 


6b  rWENTV     ViiAKb    Of    ilUi*  JuxJNCk 

of  pruning  shears,  I  left  for  Michigan,  lo  takt 
orders,  and  if  possible,  to  sell  some  portion  or  aU 
of  my  six  counties.  In  that  invention  I  o"UTied 
.Branch,  Hillsdale  and  Leneway  Counties  in  Mich- 
igan, and  Steuben,  La  Grange  and  St  Joseph  ia 
•Indiana. 

I  arrived  at  Bronson, 'Michigan,  from  which 
point  I  started  out  taking  orders.  My  success 
was  immense,  but  I  was  somewhat  handicapped 
for  the  reason  that  none  of  the  farmers  wanted 
the  shears  delivered  to  them  before  the  coming 
spring. 

At  last  1  found  a  customer  for  the  Michigan 
counties,  and  traded  them  for  a  handsome  bay 
horse  which  I  bought  a  saddle  for,  and  rode 
through  to  Ohio.  On  arriving  home  I  explained 
my  success  in  taking  orders. 

My  mother  said  I  was  a  goose  for  not  sta3ang 
there  and  working  up  a  nice  business,  instead  of 
fooling  away  the  territory  for  a  horse. 

Mr.  Keefer  said  he  would  rather  have  the  horse 
than  all  the  territor}-  in  the  United  States. 

I  traded  the  horse  to  one  of  our  neighbors  ioi 
a  flock  of  sheep,  and  sold  them  for  one  hundred 
and  twenty-five  dollars.  I  then  started  toj  I  a 
Grange.  Indiana,  fo  dispose  nf    tay  ntiicT  c^r&c 


TWENTv    /Ears  of  h us' ling.  67 

counties.     I  took  several  orders  on  the  following 
Saturda}^,  as  many  farmers  were  in  town  that  day. 

The  next  Monday  I  received  word  from  one  of 
the  wealthiest  men  of  the  town  that  he  would 
buy  some  territoiy  in  my  patent  if  satisfactory- 
terms  could  be  made.  I  called  upon  him  and  we 
were  not  long  in  striking  a  bargain. 

He  agreed  to  give  his  note  payable  in  one  year 
for  three  hundred  dollars,  for  my  three  counties. 

We  made  out  the  papers,  and  as  he  was  about 
to  sign  the  note  he  demanded  that  I  write  on  the 
face  of  it  the  following:  "This  note  was  given 
for  a  patent  right"  I  refused  at  first,  but  when 
informed  it  was  according  to  law  I  complied. 

When  I  called  upon  a  money  loaner  he  laughed 
and  said  he  wouldn't  give  me  one  dollar  for  such 
a  note,  as  he  wouldn't  care  to  buy  a  lawsuit.  He 
said  when  the  note  came  due  it  would  be  easier 
for  the  maker  of  it  to  prove  the  worthlessness  of 
the  patent  than  it  would  for  him  to  prove  it  was 
valuable. 

I  saw  the  point,  and  realized  that  I  had  been 
duped. 

I  made  preparations  to  leave  for  home  on  the 
morning  train.  During  the  night  I  conceived 
an  idea  which  I  thought  if  properly  manipulated 
vow  Id  H'-iti^  mr  out  v^^itr 


6b  TWENTY    YEAKb  Ob    HUS'UNG. 

The  next  morning  I  called  on  my  customer  a: 
his  office,  and  in  the  presence  of  his  clerks  said: 

"Mr. ,  I  have  been  thinking  over  my  af- 
fairs, and  find  I  will  be  very  much  in  need  of 
money  six  months  from  now,  and  if  you  will 
draw  up  a  new  note,  making  it  come  due  at  that 
time,  I  will  throw  off  twenty-five  dollars,  and 
give  you  back  this  note." 

He  agreed,  and  after  I  drew  up  the  note  for 
two  hundred  and  seventy-five  dollars  I  handed  it 
to  him  to  sign,  and  then  stepped  back  out  of  rea 
sonable  reach  of  him,  when  he  looked  up  and  said : 

"Well,  here,  you  want  to  add  that  clause." 

"Thafs  all  right,"  said  I,  *'go  on  and  sign  it. 
It  can  be  added  just  as  well  afterwards." 

He  did  so  and  I  picked  it  up,  folded  it  and  put 
it  into  my  pocket,  as  I  passed  the  old  note  to  him. 

*But  you  must  add  that  clause,"  he  remarked. 

"O,  no,"  said  I,  "I  guess  I  must  not.  This 
last  note  was  not  given  for  a  patent  right.  T 
was  given  for  the  old  note,  the  same  as  if  yor 
had  discounted  it 

Then  he  saw  the  point,  and  I  had  the  pleasu  •  - 
of  receiving  two  handred  and  sixty-five  dollars 
cash  from  him  for  his  paper.  With  this  I  starte** 
fbr  home,  hiehlv  plan-''  '»"'  ',vf^c^ 


TWENT  .    YliAKS  OF  HUS'UNG.  C^ 


CHAPTER  VI. 

\IY  NEW  ACQUAINTANCE  AND  OUR  COPARTNER- 
SHIP—THREE weeks'  experience  manu- 
facturing SOAP — THE  COLLAPSE — HOW  IT 
HAPPENED  —  BROKE  AGAIN  —  MORE  HELP 
FROM  MR.  KEEPER— -A  TRIP  TO  INDIANA- 
SELLING  PRIZE  SOAP  WITH  A  CIRCUS — AR- 
RESTED AND  FINED  FOR  CONDUCTING  A  GIFT 
ENTERPRISE—BROKE  AGAIN. 

On  my  way  "home,  I  formed  the  acquaintance 
of  a  young  man,  Fleming  by  name,  who  had 
been  employed  in  a  soap  factory  in  Chicago,  and 
was  on  his  way  to  Toledo,  where  his  parents  re- 
sided. He  said  he  had  a  new  recipe  for  making 
a  splendid  toilet  soap,  which  could  be  put  on  the 
market  for  less  money  aud  with  a  larger  profit 
•than  any  other  ever  manufactured. 

With  a  little  capital  aud  an  enterprising  sales- 
man on  the  road,  a  fortune  could  be  made  very 
soon. 

I  stated  the  amount  of  my  cash  capital,  and 
assured  him  of  my  ability  as  a  salesman,  anr 
my  desire  to  eti  ;>;tviiiK^'-^!>iiie!?5 


;0  TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUSTLING. 

When  we  arrived  at  Toledo,  and  before  we  sep 
arated,  we  had  nearly  completed  arrangement' 
for  forming  a  co-partnership,  I  agreeing  to  returr 
in  a  few  days  for  that  purpose.  I  hastened  home 
and  notified  my  folks  of  my  success. 

My  mother  said  ''it  was  merely  a  streak  of 
good  luck."  Mr.  Keefer  said  "  he  didn't  know 
about  that." 

She  said  I  had  better  leave  enough  with  them 
to  pay  that  note  of  one  hundred  and  fifty  dollars, 
which  would  soon  come  due,  but  Mr.  Keefer  said 
it  wasn't  due  yet  and  there  was  no  hurry  abou' 
it  anyhow,  and  that  I  had  better  invest  it  in  tha- 
soap  business. 

I  returned  to  Toledo,  where  I  met  Mr.  Fleni 
ing,  who  had  rented  a  building  and  contractec 
for  materials  and  utensils.  We  started  our  busi 
ness  under  the  firm  name  of  "Johnston  oc  Flem 
ing.  Manufacturers  of  Fine  Toilet  Soap." 

I  advanced  the  necessary  money  to  meet  oui 
obligations,  after  which  ;ve  made  up  a  sample 
Jot,  and  I  started  on  the  road. 

Mv  orders  were  taken  on  condition  that  the 
goods  were  to  be  paid  for  promptly  in  ten  days. 

I  sold  to  druggists  and  grocers,  and  made 
enough    sales   in  one  \v^ek  to  keep  our  factoiT 


rWENTY    VliARS   OF   HUS'LING. 


**BTTT  YOU    MUST  ADD  THAT  CLAUSE.' 
'•oh,  XO.    •    'iUESS  I  •'' "        -"■.** — PA'^.K    !  ? 


iWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'LING  73 

r'lnniug  to  its  "fullest  capacity"  for  at  least  foui 
weeks.  1  then  returned  to  Toledo  and  began 
filling  orders. 

As  soon  as  ten  days  had  expired,  after  having 
^ent  out  our  first  orders,  we  began  sending  out 
statements,  asking  for  remittances. 

We  received  but  two  small  payments,  when 
letters  began  pouring  in  from  our  customers  con- 
demning us  and  our  soap. 

The  general  complaint  was  that  it  had  all  dried 
or  shriveled  up,  and  as  some  claimed,  evaporated. 

One  druggist  wrote  in,  saying  the  soap  was 
there,  or  what  there  was  left  of  it,  subject  to  our 
orders.  He  was  thankful  he  had  not  sold  any  of 
nt,  and  was  glad  he  had  discovered  the  fraud  be- 
fore it  had  entirely  disappeared  and  before  he 
had  paid  his  bill! 

'Another  druggist  stated  that  he  had  analyzed 
it  and  would  swear  that  it  was  made  of  "  wind 
and  water;"  while  still  another  declared  that  his 
wife  had  attempted  to  wash  with  a  cake  of  it,  and 
was  obliged  to  send  down  town  for  some  "  soap  " 
to  remove  the  grease  from  her  hands. 

After  reading  a  few  of  these  letters,  1  opened 
my  traveling  case,  took  out  my  original  sample 

Hov     iv^  rlisicovereH  oi   ..tu-o  ih  ^^    m  cInaVinj?"  it,  it 


/4  CSibJSXV     VtAKS    Oi:     tiUS'LxWi* 

rattled  like  a  rattle-box  i  raised  the  cover  anc 
found  my  twelve  sweet-scented,  pretty  cakes  of 
soap  had  almost  entirely  withered  away,  and  the 
odor  was  more  like  a  glue  factory  than  a  crack 
toilet  soap.  We  made  strenuous  efforts  to  satisfy 
them,  by  making  all  manner  of  excuses  and 
apologies  but  to  no  purpose.  In  every  instance 
'■'the  soap  was  there  subject  to  our  orders." 

My  partner  was  much  chagrined  at  the  out- 
come and  sudden  collapse  of  our  firm,  and  no 
doubt  felt  the  situation  more  deeply  than  myself, 
although  I  was  the  loser  financially. 

After  borrowing  monej^  enough  from  an  old 
schoolmate,  I  paid  my  board  bill  and  bought  a 
ticket  for  home.  I  had  been  away  less  than  four, 
weeks. 

I  fin.t  met  Mr.  Keefer  at  the  bam  and  explained 
to  hiri  ''just  how  it  all  happened,"  and  how  the 
soap  dried  up,  and  how  I  had  become  stranded 
at  Toledo  and  borrowed  money  to  get  home  with. 

He  said  he  guessed  he  would  have  to  let  me 
h'jLve  the  money  to  pay  the  fellow  back,  as  I  had 
promised,  which  he  did,  and  a  few  dollars  besides. 

I  then  went  to  the  house  and  explained  matters 
,o  my  mother. 

She  said  T  mij^h';   iu..-c  known  just  how  that 


TWENTY    YEARvS   OF    HUS'UNG.  75 

soap  business  would  end,  and  reminded  me  of  the 
request  she  made  about  leaving  money  enougli 
to  pay  the  note  and  informed  me  that  I  needn't 
expect  any  help  from  Mr.  Keefer,  for  he  should 
not  give  me  a  penny. 

The  next  day  while  in  towTi,  I  met  and  got  into 
conversation  with  a  friend  who  was  on  his  May 
to  Huntington,  Ind.,  to  take  a  position  as  an  agent 
for  selling  fruit  tree  He  showed  me  a  lettei 
from  the  General  agent  of  an  Eastern  nursery,  whc 
stated  that  there  were  vacancies  at  Huntingtor, 
for  half  a  dozen  live,  enterprising  young  men 
I  had  just  about  cash  enough  to  pay  my  fart 
there,  and  decided  to  go. 

We  arrived  there  the  next  day,  only  to  iind 
that  the  fruit  tree  men  had  gone  to  the  southern 
part  of  the  State. 

I  explained  to  Charlie  that  I  was  lath.er  low 
financially,  when  he  informed  me  that  he  was  a 
little  short  himself,  but  that  I  could  rest  assured 
that  so  long  as  he  had  any  money  he  would 
divide. 

Forepaugh's  Menagerie  was  advertised  to  h^ 
at  Huntington  two  days  later,  and  we  decided  to 
await  its  arrival  and  see  Vvhat  might  tuin  up  in 
our  favor. 


76  TWENTY    VKARvS    OF    KUS'UNG* 

* 

Tlic  inenageHe  ai-Hved  and  dre-w^  an  Immense 

crowd  of  peo]iU- 

I  had  frccjnently  seen  men  sell  prize  packages 
nt  fairs,  and  condncting  almost  all  kinds  of 
?-.chenies  to  make  money,  and  it  occnrred  to  me 
that  ^vitll  such  a  large  crowd,  and  so  few  street 
salesmen,  there  was  a  good  opportunity  for  mak- 
ing money,  if  one  could  strike  the  right  thing. 

1  consulted  with  Charlie,  who  said  he  would 
be  able  to  raise  about  two  dollars  after  paying  our 
board. 

I  suggested  my  plan,  which  he  considered 
fa\'orabl3\ 

We  purchased  a  tin  box  and  three  large  cakes 
of  James  S.  Kirk's  lauiidr}'-  soap,  and  some  tin- 
foil. 

We  cut  the  sonp  into  small,  equal  sized  cakes 
about  three  inches  long,  and  a  half  inch  square 
at  the  ends.  We  then  cut  small  strips  of  writing 
paper,  and  after  marking  25c  on  some  of  them 
and  50c,  75c,  and  $1.00  and  $2.00  on  an  occa 
sional  one,  we  pasted  a  strip  of  this  paper  on 
each  cake  of  soap,  some  prizes  and  many  blanks. 
We  then  cut  the  tinfoil  ar.d  wrapped  it  nicely 
around  the  soap  and  ])\\(  it  into  the  tin  box. 
Then   after  horrowinpj  ^^       '     '  '  -'f  boxes  and 


TWENTY    VBAkS  OF  HUSXINS. 


WILL    REMOVE    TAR,    PITCH,    PAJNT,    OIL    OR    VARNX8F 
I- ROM     JfOUH    VJLOTHING PAGE    76. 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'UNG.  79 

barrel  from  a  merchant,  put  them  out  on  the  street 
and  turned  the  barrel  bottom  side  up  on  top  of 
one  of  the  boxes. 

I  then  mounted  the  other  box,  and  soon  gath 
■ered  an  immense  crowd  by  crying  out,  at  the  top 
of  my  voice: 

"Oh  yes!  oh  yes!  oh  yes!  Gentlemen,  every 
one  of  3^ou  come  right  this  way;  come  a  running; 
come  a  running,  everybody  come  right  this  way ' 

"  I  have  here,  gentlemen,  the  erasive  soap  for 
removing  tar,  pitch,  paint,  oil  or  varnish  from 
your  clothing.  Every  other  cake  contains  a  prize: 
from  twenty-five  cents  to  a  two-dollar  note." 

We  found  no  trouble  in  making  sales  and  but 
little  trouble  in  paying  off  those  who  were  lucky. 
Our  profits  were  sixteen  dollars  that  day. 

The  next  day  we  opened  at  Fort  Wayne,  Ind., 
where  the  show  attracted  a  large  crowd,  and  our 
profits  were  thirty-six  dollars. 

From  there  we  went  to  Columbia  City,  where 
our  profits  were  twenty-two  dollars.  Our  fourth 
and  last  sale  was  made  at  Warsaw,  where  we  were 
having  excellent  success,  when  a  large,  portly 
gentleman  (whom  I  afterwards  learned  was  Mr. 
Wood,  the  prosecuting  attorney) ,  came  up  to  our 
stand,  and  after  listening  awhile  and  watching 


8o  TWENTY    ^1^AKS    Oh    HUS'LING. 

the  results,  went  awa}-,  and  in  a  few  moments 
returned  with  the  city  marshal,  who  placed  me 
under  arrest  for  violating  a  new  law  just  passed, 
to  prohibit  the  running  of  gift  enterprises.  They 
look  me  before  the  Mayor,  who  read  the  charges 
against  me,  and  asked  what  I  had  to  say. 

I  informed  him  I  had  taken  out  citv  license, 
which  I  supposed  entitled  me  to  the  privilege  of 
selling. 

He  then  read  the  new  law  to  me.  I  plead  ig- 
norance, and  asked  the  Mayor  to  be  lenient.  He 
imposed  a  fine  of  twenty-five  dollars  and  costs, 
which  altogether  amounted  to  thirty-t\vo  dollars 
and  fifty  cents,  which  we  paid. 

The  prosecuting  attorney  then  explained  to 
me,  that  such  a  law  had  recently  been  passed  in 
almost  everj'  State. 

This  satisfied  me  that  there  was  absolutely  no 
mone}''  in  the  soap  business.  I^Iy  partner  and  I 
divided  up  what  little  money  we  had  left  and 
there  separated.  He  returned  to  Ohio  and  I  xis- 
ited  a  daughter  of  Mr.  Keefer's,  who  had  married 
a  wealthy  farmer,  Smith  by  name,  and  was  re 
siding  in  Branch  Countv,  Michigan 


TWENTY    YEARS  uh    HUS'LING.  8l 


CHAPTER  VIl. 

ELF.VEN  DAYS  OX  A  FARM — HOW  I  FOOLED  THE 

FARMER  — ARRIVED  AT  CHICAGO RUNNING 

A  FRUIT  STAND — COLLAPSED — MY  RETURN 
HOME— BROKE  AGAIN — A  LUCKY  TRADE. 

I  was  anxious  to  go  to  Chicago,  but  was  a  "lit- 
tle short"  financially,  and  asked  jVIr.  Smith  to 
give^me  a  job  on  the  farm.  He  asked  if  I  could 
plow.  I  assured  him  that  I  was  a  practical 
farmer,  and  he  then  hired  me  at  one  dollar  per 
day. 

He  had  a  sixty  acre  field,  in  which  his  men 
had  been  plowing,  and  after  hitching  up  a  pair 
of  mules  instructed  me  to  go  over  in  the  field 
and  go  to  "back  furrowing." 

I  wondered  what  the  difference  could  be  be- 
tween back  furrowing  or  any  other  furrowing, 
but  rather  than  expose  my  ignorance,  said  noth- 
ing, preferring  to  trust  to  luck  and  the  "mules.** 
As  there  was  no  fault  found,  I  must  have  struck 
it  right. 

Mr.  Smith  made  a  pmrti'-r  af  vi.«;iting  bts  men 


82  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'LING. 

and  inspecting  their  work,  always  once  and  often 
t\vice  a  day. 

He  gave  ine  orders  to  go  to  breaking  up  a  new 
piece  of  ground,  which  he  had  recently  finished 
clearing;  and  which  of  course  was  a  hard  task. 

One  day  he  came  to  the  field  at  noon,  and  after 
looking  the  work  over,  instructed  me  to  take  the 
"coulter"  off  before  I  commenced  work  again  in 
the  afternoon,  adding  that  it  would  be  easier  for 
the  mules  as  well  as  myself. 

I  looked  the  plow  over  carefully  and  wondered 
what  the  "coulter"  was.  After  dinner  I  began 
work,  hoping  that  some  one  might  come  along 
who  could  post  me.  In  this  I  was  disappointed. 
Realizing  that  there  must  be  something  done  be- 
fore Smith  visited  me  in  the  evening,  I  decided 
he  must  have  meant  the  wheel  at  the  end  of  the 
beam,  and  consequently  took  it  off  and  waited 
his  coming. 

When  he  arrived  he  looked  at  the  plow  a  mo- 
ment and  said,  in  an  impetuous  manner: 

"Where  is  that  wheel?  I  thought  I  told  you< 
to  take  the  coulter  off." 

"Well,  I  did,"  I  quickly  replied.  "I  did  take 
the  coulter  off,  and  as  it  didn't  work  well  I  put  it 
back  on,  and  thouj^ht  I  would  take  the  wheel  o&. 


i/NIVERSITV  Of- 


rWENTV    YKAKt>   OK    HUJS'LING. 


•'O 


'Where  is  the  wheel?"  he  asked.  I  pointed 
£0  a  stump  some  distance  away,  and  said: 

''It's  over  there." 

He  said:  ''You  take  ///^/ coulter  off  and  I'll 
get  the  wheel." 

"No,"  I  said,  "you  take  the  coulter  off;  I  am 
younger  than  3^ou  and  will  go  after  the  wheel." 
And  before  getting  the  words  out  of  my  mouth 
was  half  way  there.  When  I  returned  he  was 
taking  the  coulter  off. 

I  worked  eleven  days,  and  after  receiving  that 
many  dollars  left  for  Chicago,  where  I  had  an 
uncle  residing. 

He  gave  me  a  cordial  welcome  and  said  1  was 
just  the  lad  he  wanted  to  see,  as  he  had  traded 
for  a  fruit  stand  the  day  before,  and  wanted  me 
to  take  charge  of  it. 

The  next  morning  he  took  me  to  the  stand, 
which  was  a  small  frame  building — size,  about 
eight  by  ten — which  stood  on  the  northwest  cor- 
ner of  Halsted  and  Harrison  Streets. 

This  was  a  very  slow  business,  and  too  slow  to 
suit  me,  yet  I  continued  to  run  it  about  three 
months,  when  by  repeated  losses  on  decayed 
fruit,  and  the  too  frequent  visits  of  relatives  and 
friends,  we  found  the  business  in  an  unhealthy 


86  TWENTY   YEARS  OF   PK^s'LING. 

condition  and  lodt  no  time  in  looking  up  a  buyer, 
whicH  we  were  fortunate  in  finding  and  success 
ful  in  getting  a  good  price  from. 

After  receiving  my  share  of  the  profits,  which 
was  about  enough  to  pay  my  expenses  back  to 
Ohio,  I  decided  to  go  there. 

On  arriving  home,  my  mother  said  she  hoped 
I  was  satisfied  now  that  I  couldn't  make  money, 
and  that  I  was  only  fooling  my  time  away.  She 
said  she  had  told  Mr.  Keefer  lust  how  that  fruit 
business  would  end. 

I  took  Mr.  Keefer  to  one  side  and  explained 
just  "how  it  all  happened"  and  how  the  fruit  all 
rotted,  and  how  my  relatives  and  friends  helped 
themselves.  He  said  they  ought  to  be  ashamed 
and  it  was  too  bad. 

I  borrowed  a  few  dollars  from  him  for  incidental 
expenses,  until  I  could  "strike  something." 

My  mother  wanted  to  know  what  I  expected  to 
do,  and  said  I  needn't  ask  Mr.  Keefer  for  money, 
because  he  shouldn't  give  me  a  penny. 

Of  course  I  could  give  her  no  satisfaction.  Shei 
finally  said  she  was  going  to  take  me  to  a  jew- 
eler, with  whom  she  had  talked,  and  have  me 
learn  the  jeweler's  trade.  I  disliked  the  idea  and 
rebelled  against  it.  She  wi  s  determined,  how- 
ever, and  compelled  pany  her. 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF  HUS'UNG.  8^ 

The  jeweler  had  a  talk  with  me  and  told  my 
mother  he  thought  he  could  make  quite  a  me- 
chanic out  of  me. 

I  thought  I  was  destined  to  stay  with  him,  ui> 
til  my  mother  happened  to  leave  the  store  for  a 
few  minutes,  when  he  asked  me  if  I  thought  I 
would  like  the  business.  I  told  him  no,  I  knew 
I  would  dislike  it.  He  said  he  wouldn't  fool  his 
time  away  with  a  boy  who  had  no  taste  for  the 
business,  and  so  informed  my  mother. 

I  returned  home  with  her,  and  that  evening 
she  and  Mr.  Keefer  and  myi,elf  had  a  long  con- 
ference. 

We  talked  about  the  past,  and  my  mother  sug- 
gested all  kinds  of  trades,  professions  and  clerk- 
ships, all  of  which  I  objected  to,  because  1  would 
not  work  for  some  one  else» 

Mr.  Keefer  said  he  believed  I  would  strike 
something  "yet"  that  I  wouid  make  money 
out  of. 

My  mother  said  she  couldn't  understand  why 
he  should  think  so;  everything  had  been  a  fail- 
ure thus  far.  ^ 

He  explained  his  reasons  by  reminding  her 
that  with  all  my  misfortunes,  not  one  dollar 
had  been  spent  in  dissipation  or  erambling,  but 


88  iw  I  N  1  >    \  ivRS  OF  hus'ling. 

invariably  in  trying  to  make  money,  and  with 
no  lack  of  energy. 

I  remained  idle  a  few  days  until  the  few  dol- 
lars Mr.  Keefer  had  loaned  me  were  spent,  when 
one  day  I  called  upon  a  friend  in  town,  Kintz  by 
name,  who  was  engaged  in  the  bakery  business. 

In  conversation  witli  him  I  learned  that  he 
owned  two  watches  and  wanted  to  exchange  one 
of  them  (a  small  lady's  gold  watch)  for  something 
else.  I  asked  him  to  let  me  carry  it  and  try  and 
find  a  customer  for  it. 

^  called  that  evening  on  the  night  telegraph 
operator,  Andy  Clock,  and  bantered  him  to  trade 
watches.  He  owned  a  large  silver  watch  and 
gold  chain. 

"How  will  you  trade.''"  1  asked,  showing  him 
the  lad3''s  gold  watch. 

"Oh,  ril  leave  it  with  you." 

"You  ought  to  give  your  watch  and  chain  and 
ten  dollars,"  I  said. 

"I'll  make  it  five." 

"Let  me  take  your  watch  and  chain  a  few 
minutes.'" 

"All  right, '^  he  answered. 

I  immediately  called  on  Mr.  Kintz  and  said. 
"Joh'i,  :\.v    \  nu  w  il'inj-    t  >  \rnr    <S'^\'^    vit'':: 


TWENTY    YEARS    OF    HUS  LING.  89 

and  five  dollars  for  Mr.  Clock's  silver  watch  and 
•^old  chain?  " 

He  replied  by  simply  handing  me  five  dollars. 
1  then  returned  to  Mr.  Clock,  made  the  trade  and 
mIso  received  from  him  five  dollars. 

Although  the  amount  I  made  was  small,  it 
came  in  a  very  opportune  time,  and  afforded  me 
much  satisfaction,  as  I  argued  in  my  own  mind, 
that  if  I  was  able  to  drive  those  kind  of  trades 
in  a  small  way,  while  young,  I  might  be  able 
some  day  to  make  similar  deals  on  a  larger  scale. 

The  next  day,  when  I  met  Mr.  Keefer,  I  ex- 
plained how  I  had  made  ten  dollars.  He  laughed 
and  said.  "Well,  if  they  are  both  satisfied  I 
suppose  you  ouglit  to  be." 

The  next  Sunday  after  I  had  made  the  trade, 
several  of  the  boys,  including  Mr.  Kintz,  Clock 
and  myself,  were  sitting  in  the  hotel.  I  was  read- 
ing a  paper  when  Mr.  Kintz  and  Clock  began  a 
conversation  about  the  wjitch  trade,  when  Kintz 
remarked: 

"If  that  gold  watch  had  not  been  a  lady's  size 
I  never  would  have  paid  any  difference  on  the 
trade." 

"Did  you  give  any  boot?"  quickly  asked  Clock. 

''Why,  I  gave  five  dollars,'' answered  Kinu 


9».'  TWENTY    YEARS   OP    HITS  LING. 

"The  d i  you  did;  so  did  I,"  replied  Clock. 

They  immediately  demanded  an  explanation, 
which  I  gave,  by  declaring  as  the  "middleman" 
I  vvas  entitled  to  all  I  could  make ;  and  this  was 
the  universal  opinion  of  every  one  there,  includ- 
ing tne  landlord,  who  insisted  that  it  was  a  good 
joKe  and  well  played. 


-««- 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUSTLING. 


CHAPTER  Vin. 

THREE  DOLLARS  WELL  INVESTED  —  LEARNING 
TELEGRAPHY — GETTING  IN  DEBT — A  FULL- 
FLEDGED  OPERATOR — MY  FIRST  TELEGRAPH 
OFFICE — BUYING  AND  SELLING  DUCKS  AND 
FROGS  WHILE  EMPLOYED  AS  OPERATOR  — 
MY  RESIGNATION — CO-PARTNERSHIP  IN  THE 
JEWELRY  AND  SPECTACLE  BUSINESS  —  HOW 
WE  SUCCEEDED — OUR  DISSOLUTION. 

The  next  day  after  making  this  trade  and  pro- 
curing the  ten  dollars,  I  bought  an  old  silvei 
watch  from  a  stranger  who  had  become  stranded, 
paying  him  three  dollars  for  it.  This  I  traded 
for  another  watch  and  received  five  dollars  as  a 
difference.  From  this  I  continued  .to  make  trades 
until  I  was  the  owner  of  ten  head  of  fine  sheep, 
three  pigs,  a  shot-gun,  violin,  watch,  and  a  few 
dollars  in  money,  besides  having  paid  my  board 
at  the  hotel  and  bought  necessary  clothing. 

When  I  found  a  buyer  for  my  sheep  and  pigs, 
lU}^  mother  said  of  course  I  couldn't  be  contentcl 
'intH    T   <5oM  them   ^vri   lo«;t   the  mowev       r  ^-v 


92  rWENTV    VEAKS   OF    HUS  X^XiVt 

pl.'iiiied  to  her  that,  in  order  to  speculate,  it  waj 
necessary  to  keep  re-investing  and  turning  my 
mone}''  often. 

Islv.  Keefer  said  1  was  right,  but  advised  me  to 
be  very  careful,  now  that  I  had  quite  a  nice  staii 
from  simply  nothing. 

After  selling  out,  I  one  day  galled  on  the  day 
telegraph  operator,  Will  Witmer,  and  while  sit- 
ting in  his  office,  asked  him  to  explain  the  m3's- 
teries  of  telegraphy.  He  did  so,  and  I  then  asked 
him*  to  furnish  me  with  the  telegraph  alphabet, 
which  he  did.  I  studied  it  that  night,  and  the 
next  day  called  at  his  office  again,  and  began 
practicing  making  the  letters  on  the  instrument. 

He  paid  me  a  ver}'  higli  compliment  for  my 
aptness,  and  said  I  was  foolish  for  not  learning* 
the  business. 

I  asked  what  the  expense  would  be. 

He  said  his  charges  would  be  fifteen  dollars 
and  it  would  take  four  months  anyhow,  and  pos- 
sibly six,  before  I  would  be  able  to  take  an  office. 

Two  days  later,  after  giving  special  attention 
to  the  business,  I  had  become  quite  infatuated 
-\  itli  it,  and  paid  over  the  fifteen  dollars  to  hiir 
iiid  two  weeks'  bo^.rd  at  the  hotel 


•  TWENTY    VHARS   Ol'    HUS'LING.  93 

05^  speculating  and  trafficking,  but  I  very  soon 
became  so  absorbed  in  my  new  undertaking  as  to 
be  unfit  for  that  business. 

My  mother  was  immensely  pleased  at  the  turn 
affairs  had  taken.  Mr.  Keefer  was  both  surprised 
and  pleased,  and  said  he  would  help  ine  pay  my 
board,  although  he  couldn't  see  how  I  ever  hap- 
pened to  take  a  liking  to  that  business. 

During  this  winter,  my  associates  and  habits 
of  life  differing  wholly  from  those  of  formei 
y^ars,  I  became  what  Mould  now  be  considered 
"quite  a  dude."  And  havir.i^  no  income  from 
business,  and  a  limited  one  from  ^Ir.  Keefer,  with 
a  fair  future  prospect,  I  took  advantage  of  my 
good  credit  in  town,  and  bought  clothes,  boots, 
shoes  and  furnishing  goods,  and  borrowed  money 
occasionally  from  my  friends,  who  never  refused 
me. 

Three  months  from  the  very  day  I  began  learn- 
ing the' alphabet,  through  the  advice  and  recom- 
mendation of  Ml.  Witmer,  I  called  on.Wm.  Kline. 
Jr.,  General  Superintendent  of  Telegraph,  and 
ma,de  application  for  an  office.  He  sent  me  to 
Whiting,  Indiana,  sixteen  miles  from  Chicago, 
with  instructions  to  take  charge  of  the  nigh< 
office,  at  a  salary  of  fort3'  dollars  per  month- 


^  TWENTY     YEARS   Oh    HL'F  UNG.  , 

Oil  eirriving  there  I  found  only  a  amall  station, 
and  one  family,  w-ith  whom  I  was  to  take  board, 
und  who  were  living  in  an  old  abandoned  water- 
fcruk. 

The  young  man  whom  1  relieved  from  night 
duty  was  promoted  to  day  operator,  and  as  he 
was  thoroughly  disgusted  with  the  place  he  kept 
:ontiuually  writing  to  the  Superintendent's  secre- 
Lary,  who  was  a  friend  of  his,  to  get  him  a  bettei 
Dlfice,  which  he  did  in  just  six  weeks  afterwards. 

I  was  then  promoted  to  his  position,  \\-ith  no 
raise  of  salary,  but  which  I  gladl}^  accepted. 

There  was  plenty  of  duck  hunting  and  irog 
:atchlng  among  the  settlers  there,  but  they  didn't 
seem  to  understand  how  to  find  a  market  for  them. 
[  at  once  took  advantage  of  this  by  getting  a  day 
off  and  a  pass  to  Chicago,  Avhere  I  bargained  with 
a  commission  merchant  to  handle  all  I  could  send 
him,  I  then  returned  to  Whiting  and  arranged 
to  have  the  settlers  consign  all  their  game' to  me, 
which  1  in  turn  consigned  to  the  commission  mer- 
chant I  had  plenty  of  business  and  made  mone}- 
fast. 

One  day  the  Division  Superintendent  happened 
to  get  off  the  train,  as  we  were  loading  on  a  lot 
of  fTV)g^s,  when  be  asked  me  who  was  shipping 


TVVHMTY      YeAi<.6     O"      HU3L,lN». 


fHlfe,    M  ATI  AM       '-     THE    STiiltiiOSCCPlC    T.KVS.  —  PAft^     roi 


XfMOiS 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUS'UNG,  97 

from  that  point.     I  told  him  I  was.     He  looked 
at  me  a  moment  and  asked,  in  a  gruff  tone ; 

"Does  this  R.  R.  Co.  pay  you  to  buy  frogs?" 

I  answered:  "No,  they  pay  my  board  to 
watch  the  station,  and  I  buy  and  sell  frogs  to 
make  my  salary." 

The  conductor  and  other  employees  who  heard 
our  remarks  laughed  heartily,  and  the  Superin- 
tendent returned  to  his  car  with  a  broad  grin. 

As  soon  as  the  frog  and  duck  season  was  ovei 
I  began  urging  Mr.  Kline  to  give  me  a  bettei 
paying  office.  I  also  wTote  home  expressing  my 
dissatisfaction  wdth  the  business,  and  my  con- 
tempt for  the  small  salary  it  paid,  and  closed  by 
saying  I  could  make  more  money  swapping  jack 
knives  than  I  could  telegraphing,  and  that  1 
never  would  be  able  to  pay  my  debts  were  I  to 
continue  at  it. 

My  mother  answered,  sa5dng,  that  if  I  threw 
up  that  position  and  came  back  home  she  would 
leave  the  country. 

In  a  few  days  1  was  transferred  from  Whiting 
to  Swanton,  Ohiu,  with  no  raise  of  salary,  but 
better  facilities  for  spending  what  I  did  get. 

I  remained  there  until  the  following  spring, 
and  managed  to  spare  about  five  dollars  per  moni)^ 


98  TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUS'LINO. 

towards  reducing  my  home  liabilities,  and  tight 
squeezing  at  that. 

While  there  I  made  frequent  visits  to  Toledo, 
where  Mr.  Kline's  office  was  located,  and  never 
failed  to  call  on  him  or  his  secretary,  with  a  re- 
quest for  a  better  position.  One  day  I  wanted  to 
be  extra  operator,  and  another  day  I  would  insist 
upon  being  placed  in  the  train  dispatcher's  office, 
and  again  thought  I  would  like  the  general  freight 
office,  either  of  which  was  considered  a  fine  posi- 
tion. 

Finally  the  secretary  asked,  one  day,  how  I 
would  like  to  have  Mr.  Kline  resign  in  my  favor. 

I  told  him  I  would  like  it  first-rate  if  the  salary 
was  sufficient. 

As  soon  as  the  green  grass  and  flowers  of 
spring  commenced  to  show  themselves,  I  began 
to  get  nervous  and  anxious  to  make  a  change. 

One  day  while  several  people  were  sitting  in 
the  depot  waiting  for  a  train,  a  young  enterprising 
looking  fellow  came  in  with  a  small  sample-case 
in  his  hand,  and  began  talking  to  an  old  gentle- 
man about  spectacles,  and  ver>^  soon  made  a  sale 
for  which  he  received  two  dollars  and  fifty  cents, 
tpot  cash. 

After  the  train   had  conic  and  c^one.  carrying 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF  HUS'UNG.  99 

with  it  the  old  gentleman,  I  entered  into  conver- 
sation with  the  young  man,  and  finally  asked 
him,  confidentially,  what  that  pair  of  spectacles 
cost  him.  He  laughed  and  said  they  could  be 
bought  for  one  dollar  per  dozen. 

"That  settles  it  right  here,"  I  said,  andadded:^ 

"  That  settles  the  telegraph  business  with  me. 
I'll  send  my  resignation  to  Mr.  Kline  forthwith, 
by  telegraph."     And  I  did  so. 

After  about  ten  days  he  accepted  it  and  sent 
me  a  pass  for  home  and  the  amount  due  me, 
which  was  sixty-five  dollars. 

On  my  arrival  home  a  stormy  scene  ensued. 

My  mother  said  it  was  just  like  me  to  leave  a 
sure  thing  and  traffic  around  over  the  country, 
with  no  future  prospects  whatever. 

Mr.  Keefer  said  the  business  was  too  slow  for 
me,  anyhow,  and  he  had  thought  so  from,  the  be- 
ginning. I  explained  that  the  experience  was 
worth  a  great  deal  to  me. 

My  mother  replied  that  I  had  for  years  been 
getting  nothing  but  experience. 

Mr.  Keefer  said  he'd  bet  I  would  come  out  all 
right  yet. 

"Yes,"  my  mother  said,  "he  will  come  out  in 
the  poorhouse,  and  drag  you  and  me  with  him." 


lOO  TWENTY    YEARS  OF    HUS'LING. 

She  then  asked  what  I  expected  to  do  next, 
and  I  told  her  about  the  immense  profits  made  in 
the  spectacle  business. 

She  laughed,  and  ^vith  much  sarcasm  remarked, 
that  a  dozen  pair  of  spectacles  and  an  old  tin  box 
to  carry  them  in,  would  probably  be  the  height 
of  my  ambition. 

I  told  her  that  remained  to  be  seen;  but  I 
would  some  day  convince  her  differently,  and 
show  her  how  to  make  money  fast. 

The  next  day  I  received  a  letter  from  an  ac- 
quaintance residing  at  Kirkersville,  Ohio,  in  an- 
swer to  one  I  had  written  him,  in  which  I  stated 
my  intention  of  going  into  the  spectacle  business. 

He  informed  me  that  he  was  the  owner  of  a 
fine  hotse  and  carriage,  and  suggested  that  I  take 
him  in  partnership  with  me;  he  to  furnish  the 
traveling  conveyance  and  I  the  money.  This  I 
agreed  to,  and  \vrote  him  my  intentions  to  start 
for  Kirkersville  on  a  certain  day,  where  I  would 
expect  to  meet  him,  and  we  would  drive  to  Co- 
lumbus, a  distance  of  twenty  miles,  and  bii}-  oui 
stock. 

On  my  arrival  at  Kirkersville  I  found  him 
ready  to  start.  We  drove  to  Columbus  and  called 
on  a  wholesale  jewelry  firm 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF  HUSTLING.  lOI 

After  looking  their  stock  over  I  decided  that 
•c^  tre  was  more  money  in  cheap  jewelry  than 
spectacles.  I  had  about  forty  dollars  in  cash, 
and  after  buying  one  dozen  pairs  of  spectacles, 
for  one  dollar,  invested  the  balance  in  jewelry, 
after  which  I  prevailed  on  the  firm  to  give  me  a 
traveling  sample  case.  In  this  we  displayed 
our  jewelry  nicely  and  started  down  the 
Portsmouth  pike. 

My  first  effort  to  make  a  sale  was  at  the  toll- 
gate,  a  short  distance  from  the  city.  Finding  an 
old  lady  in  attendance,  I  introduced  the  spec- 
tacles. She  declared  she  never  would  buy  another 
thing  from  a  peddler. 

I  told  her  I  had  not  asked  her  to  buy,  and  said  : 
*' Madam,  I  have  here  a  stereoscopic  lens." 

"A  stereo — what?"  she  quickly  asked. 

"  A  stereoscopic  lens,"  I  repeated. 

''Well,  myl"  she  ejaculated,  "they  ought  to 
be  good  ones,  if  the  name  has  anything  to  do 
with  them,"  and  began  trying  them  on. 

She  very  soon  found  a  pair  which  suited  hei 
and  pleased  her  exceedingly. 

While  she  was  looking  my  glasses  over,  I 
picked  up  her  old  ones,  •  and  while  examining 
them   the  thought  occurred  to  me,  that  as  my 


I02  TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'LING. 

Stock  of  spectacles  consisted  only  of  a  dozen 
pairs  it  would  be  a  good  idea  to  try  and  trade 
spectacles  each  time  instead  of  selling  cutright, 
and  by  so  doing  always  keep  my  stock  up  to  the 
onginal  number. 

Acting  on  the  suggestion,  I  remarked  to  the 
old  lady  that  her  glasses  must  have  cost  ^t  least 
three  dollars,  and  if  she  so  desired  I  would  give 
her  a  trade. 

She  asked  the  price  of  my  glasses. 

"Four  dollars,"  ^vas  my  reply. 

She  said  she  didn't  just  remember  how  much 
she  did  pay  for  hers,  but  it  was  about  the  price  I 
had  mentioned. 

She  then  asked  me  "how  I  would  trade.  I  of- 
ferred  to  allow  her  two  dollars  for  her  glasses  on 
the  deal. 

She  said  she  would  if  she  had  the  money.  On 
counting  it  she  found  but  one  dollar  and  thirty- 
two  cents,  all  in  pennies.  We  made  the  trade, 
as  I  had  a  great  deal  of  sympathy  (?)  for  her^ 
and  knew  she  had  never  before  found  a  pair  of 
glasses  so  well  suited  to  her  eyes. 

The  third  house  we' stopped  at  I  found  a  young 
ladv  who  was  very  anxious  to  see  m}''  jewelry. 

After   opening  my   f^ase   she   selected  a  very 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'UNG.  103 

showy  set,  ear-drops  and  pin,  wliicli  I  sold  her 
for  one  dollar.  When  she  paid  me  I  noticed  she 
had  more  mone}''  left,  and  said  to  her: 

"See  here,  niy  young  miss,  I  hardly  think  the 
set  3^ou  have  selected  is  good  enough  for  you. 
Let  me  show  you  a  handsome  set  of  jewelr}'  sucli 
as  you  would  be  proud  to  wear  at  a  fashionable 
ball,  or  entertainment  of  any  kind.  It  will  of 
course  cost  you  more  money,  but  I  know  it  will 
please  you  better." 

I  then  took  from  the  bottom  of  the  case  a  set 
which  was  nicely  put  up  in  a  small  pasteboard 
box  (although  they  all  cost  the  same) ,  and  offered 
it  for  inspection.  She  was  at  once  infatuated 
with  it,  and  after  asking  the  price  (which  was 
five  dollars),  expressed  her  regret  that  she  had 
made  her  purchase  before  taking  notice  of  that 
particular  set.  I  then  very  kindly  offered  to  ex- 
change for  the  set  she  had  just  bought,  and  allow 
her  the  same  as  she  paid,  when  she  remarked, 
after  reflecting  a  moment,  that  she  couldn't  do 
that  as  she  hadn't  money  enough  within  one  dol- 
lar to  pay  the  difference.  But  when  I  offered  to 
trust  her  for  the  other  dollar  until  J.  came  around 
again,  she  traded,  remarking,  as  she  counted  out 
her  last  three  dollars; 


I04  TWENTV    YEARS  OF    HUS'UN<- 

"All  right,  I'll  do  it,  and  if  you  never  come 
again  I'll  have  a  dollar  the  best  of  yon  anyhow.'' 

We  had  excellent  success  during  the  first  ten 
days,  after  which  we  experienced  four  daj's  of 
probably  as  poor  success  as  ever  attended  a  "'  Yan- 
kee peddler." 

We  stopped  at  every  house,  and  never  -sold  a 
dollar's  worth  during  the  four  days.  Doors  were 
slammed  in  my  face,  and  dogs  were  set  upon  us. 
Yet  I  insisted  that  success  must  necessarily  fol- 
low, sooner  or  later. 

My  partner,  however,  was  not  so  hopeful.  He 
became  impatient  and  disagreeable  in  the  ex- 
treme. At  every  house  we  would  come  to  he 
would  sullenly  remark  that  there  was  no  use 
stopping,  they  didn't  want  to  buy  an3-thing;  and 
finally  went  so  far  as  to  insist  that  we  make  no 
more  stops. 

As  I  considered  myself  the  senior  member  of 
the  firm,  I  ordered  a  stop  made  at  ever}'  house. 

This  led  to  unpleasantness,  and  brought  out  a 
few  personal  characteristics  of  his  which  induced 
me  to  think  he  had  been  raised  a  "pet"  and  was 
accustomed  to  having  his  own  wav  in  every- 
thing. 

But  a«  I  was  not  one  of  the  "  petting"  kitUv 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'LING.  IO5 

and  rather  inclined  to  have  my  way  about  things 
in  general,  we  gradually  grew  into  a  controversy. 

He  declared  the  horse  and  carriage  was  his, 
and  he  had  a  right  to  stop  when  and  where  he 
pleased. 

I  gave  him  that  privilege,  but  also  gave  him 
notice  that  I  owned  the  goods  and  carried  the 
money,  and  as  "the  walking  was  not  all  taken 
up"  he  could  drive  as  fast  and  as  far  as  he  pleased, 
but  I  was  going  to  stop  at  every  house,  even 
though  I  might  lose  a  piece  of  my  unmention- 
ables by  every  dog  on  the  road. 

At  last  I  was  successful  in  trading  spectacles 
with  an  old  lady,  receiving  two  pairs  of  old  glasses 
and  two  dollars  in  cash  for  the  pair  I  let  her 
have.     . 

This  enlivened  things  up  for  a  while,  but  only 
temporarily.  We  drove  back  to  his  home  at 
Kirkersville,  where,  after  invoicing  and  dividing 
profits,  we  dissolved  partnership. 


I06  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'UNG." 


CHAPTER  IX. 

CONTINUING  THE  JEWELRY  AND  SPECTACLE  BUSI- 
NESS ALONE — TRADING  A  WATCH  CHAIN  FOR 
A  HORSE — PEDDLING  ON  HORSEBACK — TRAD- 
ING JEWELRY  FOR  A  HARNESS  AND  BUGGY — 
SELLING  AT  WHOLESALE — RETIRING  FROM 
THE  JEWELRY   BUSINESS. 

After  dissolving  partnership  I  returned  to  Co- 
lumbus, replenished  my  stock,  and  started  out 
alone.  I  took  the  first  train  out  from  the  city 
and  stopped  about  ten  miles  distant,  at  a  small 
country  village,  and  commenced  operations.  My 
success  was  gratifying.  I  walked  through  the 
country,  peddling  from  house  to  house. 

After  my  third  day  out,  I  came  to  a  spacious 
looking  farm  house  just  at  nightfall,  and  asked 
the  lady  if  she  would  keep  me  over  night.  She 
said  she  had  no  objections,  but  her  husband  was 
prejudiced  against  keeping  peddlers  or  agents, 
and  she  was  sure  he  would  object.  I  asked  where 
he  was,  and  she  said  he  was  away  on  a  horse 
trade. 


TWENTY    VEARS   OF    HUS'LING.  IO7 

While  we  were  talking  he  drove  up  with  a 
handsome  bay  mare,  and  called  his  wife  out  tts 
show  her  what  a  ''''bang  tip''''  trade  he  had  made, 
adding  with  much  ardor  and  excitement  that  if 
the  fellow  he  had  traded  with  was  horseman 
enough  to  get  the  other  horse  to  pull  a  pound  he 
would  do  more  than  any  one  else  had  ever  done. 

I  asked  him  to  keep  me  over  night,  when  he 
turned  on  me  with  a  volley  of  oaths  sufficient  to 
color  the  atmosphere  blue  for  some  distance 
around. 

I  assured  him,  in  the  blandest  manner  possi- 
ble, that  I  was  no  horse  thief  nor  burglar,  and 
that  I  had  plenty  of  money  and  expected  to  pay 
my  bills. 

His  wife  reminded  him  that  the}^  had  plenty 
of  room,  and  as  it  was  late  he  had  better  let  me 
stay. 

He  then  consented,  asking  at  the  same  time  if 
I  was  a  good  "  story  teller."  This  of  course  gave 
me  an  "inkling"  as  to  the  best  means  of  getting 
in  his  good  graces.  During  the  evening  I  lost 
no  time  in  arriving  at  a  point  in  our  conversa- 
tion where  I  could  relate  a  few  of  my  latest  sto- 
ries, which  pleased  him  greatly.  He  became  so 
much   interested   in    me   and   ray  business  as  to 


rob  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'UNG. 

propose  to  go  into  partnership  with  me,  he  to 
furnish  the  traveling  conveyance  and  half  ^he 
money,  and  I  to  do  the  selling. 

His  wife  ridiculed  the  idea  and  laughed  at  his 
foolishness. 

He  then  leaned  forward  in  a  very  familiar, 
friendly  manner,  and  took  hold  of  a  long  neck 
chain  I  was  wearing,  and  asked  what  I  would 
take  for  that  chain. 

"Oh,"  I  answered,  "I  don't  want  to  sell  it." 

"Well,  but  you  would  sell  it,  wouldn't  you?" 
he  asked. 

"A  man  would  be  a  fool  to  refuse  to  sell  any- 
thing he  owned,  if  he  got  enough  for  it,"  I  re- 
plied, "but  I  have  no  desire  to  sell  this  particular 
chain." 

The  next  morning,  while  I  was  trading  with 
his  wife,  he -again  mentioned  the  chain,  and  re- 
marked that  he  would  rather  have  that  than  all 
the  jewelry  in  the  box. 

I  said:  "I  should  think  yo*  would." 

He  then  said:  "Look  here,  young  feller,  I'll 
tell  you  what  I'll  do.  I'll  give  you  that  baj'  mare 
I  traded  for  last  night,  even  up,  for  that  chain." 

I  asked  if  she  was  sound.  He  assured  me  that 
she  was 


TWENTY    YEARS     OI*     HUSLING. 


•^L^^^^ 


THOSB    KTND    COST    Mk  .^^TO.OO    PEK    DOZ. PAGE    III 


URdAMA 


•    TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'UNG.  Ill 

"Well,  then,"  said  I,  "oughtn't  she  to  fetch 
two  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  ?  " 

"  Yes  sir,  3^ou  can  bet  on  that,"  he  answered, 
excitedly. 

"Well  then,"  said  I,  "if  you  will  throw  in  a 
saddle  and  bridle  I'll  trade." 

"I  have  no  saddle,"  said  he.  "but  I  Ti;'ill  gfve 
you  a  blanket  and  bridle." 

"All  right,  it's  a  trade." 

We  bridled  and  blanketed  the  mare,  I  deliv- 
ered the  chain  to  him  and  mounted,  ready  for  a 
start. 

"Now,  young  feller,"  said  he,  "the  trade  is 
made  and  there  must  be  no  'kicking'  on  either 
side.     You  agree  to  that  do  you  ?" 

"Yes  sir,"  I  answered,"  I'll  never  kick  if  the 
old  mare  dies  in  five  minutes  from  now." 

"That's  right,  said  he,  "you're  a  daudy,  and 
just  the  sort  of  feller  I  like  to  deal  with." 

"Well,  I'll  bid  y6u  good  day" — tipping  m3-hat. 

"See  here,  one  moment,"  he  yelled,  as  I  ha(? 
gotten  well  on  my  way.  "Say!  the  trade  is 
made  and  no  squealing  on  either  side.  How 
much  is  this  chain  actually  worth?" 

"Well,"  I  answered,  in  a  loud  tone,  "those 


n2  TWENTY    YE..RS  OF    HUS  LING. 

» 

kind  cost  me  ten  dol-  irs  per  dozen,  or  eighty-odd 
cents  each." 

He  staggered  and  fell  back  against  the  fence. 
His  wife  yelled  in  a  high  pitched  voice : 

"Well  there,  John,  joii  have  been  taken  in  for 
once  in  your  life."  I  raised  my  hat  and  cantered 
away. 

I  traveled  on  horse-back  all  day,  and  found  it 
up-hill  business,  as  it  was  difficult  to  mount  and 
dismount,  and  very  hard  to  carry  my  sample  case 
and  valise  on  horse  back. 

That  evening  I  arrived  in  a  small  burg  where 
I  put  up,  and  determined  to  turn  my  horse  out  to 
pasture,  until  I  could  deal  for  a  buggy  and 
harness. 

That  night  while  in  conversation  with  some 
men  at  the  hotel,  I  learned  that  one  of  them  was 
a  carriage  and  wagon  maker.  I  asked  if  he  had 
anything  in  the  way  of  a  light  second-handed 
buggy,  which  he  could  sell  at  j.  low  price. 

He  said  that  he  had  one  that  he  had  just  been 
repairing  and  it  was  all  ready  to  run  out.  I  pre- 
vailed upon  him  to  take  me  to  his  shop  and  show 
it  by  the  light  of  a  lantern. 

I  asked  his  ^   ^ce  which  was  forty-five  dollars. 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'UNG.  I  13 

On  re-entering  the  hotel,  I  took  him  into  the 
sitting  room  and  showed  him  my  jewelry.  He 
was  pleased  with  it,  and  I  asked  him  how  he 
would  like  to  trade  his  buggy  for  some  of  it.  He 
said  he  wouldn't  care  to  take  it  all  in  jewelry,) 
but  if  I  had  any  good  watches  he  would  take 
one,  and  some  jewelry  on  a  trade. 

I  then  showed  him  the  watch  I  was  carrying, 
and  was  not  long  in  making  a  trade.  I  gave 
him  a  bill  of  sale  for  the  watch  and  jewelry,  and 
took  one  from  him  for  the  buggy. 

I  retired  that  night  feeling  that  I  had  made 
fair  progress  towards  procuring  a  traveling  con- 
veyance of  my  own.  When  morning  came,  my 
only  desire  was  to  deal  for  a  harness.  As  soon 
as  breakfast  was  over,  I  took  my  jewelry  case 
and  "  hus'led"  around  among  the  business  men, 
as  well  as  at  different  residences  in  the  town.  I 
gave  but  little  thought  to  selling  goods,  but  in- 
quired, wherever  I  called,  if  they  knew  of  an}) 
one  who  had  a  harness  for  sale. 

At  last  I  called  upon  an  old  couple  who  were 
in  need  of  spectacles.  I  succeeded  in  fitting  both 
of  them,  when  I  suggested  the  idea  of  taking 
their  old  glasses  in  exchange  for  mine,  and  let 


114  TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUS'LING. 

ting  them  pay  the  difference.  The  old  gentleman 
said  I  would  have  to  trust  them  for  the  difiference, 
as  they  had  just  paid  out  the  last  money  they 
had. 

Almost  the  last  thing  I  thought  of,  was  to  ask 
them  if  they  knew  of  any  one  who  had  a  harness 
for  sale,  4s  I  had  become  so  interested  in  the 
spectacle  deal. 

"Why  bless  you,"  the  old  man  replied,  "1 
have  got  a  nice  single  harness  up  stairs  that  I 
will  seU  cheap."  He  brought  it  down,  and  I 
traded  the  spectacles,  a  very  nice  pair  of  sleeve- 
buttons,  and  a  handsome  set  of  jewelry  for  it. 

I  was  now  read}  to  start  with  my  newly  com- 
pleted torn-out,  which  I  lost  no  time  in  doing. 

I  traveled  in  the  direction  of  Kirkersville,  where 
I  arrived  a  few  days  later  and  promptly  exhib- 
ited my  horse,  harness  and  buggy  to  my  late 
partner  and  his  acquaintances. 

After  a  careful  scrutiny  of  the  turn-out,  and  a 
look  at  the  goods  I  had  left  in  stock  he  remarked 
that  "some  one  must  have  been  taken  in." 

I  continued  peddling  for  some  time,  meeting 
with  splendid  success  on  the  average,  with  occa- 
sionally a  poor  day. 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'lING.  II5 

I  never  lost  an  opportunity  of  trading  horses, 
and  as  a  rule,  preferred  to  keep  trading  for  a  bet- 
ter one  each  time  where  I  would  be  obliged  to 
Day  boot,  which  I  invariably  manipulated  so  as 
to  pay  the  difference  in  jewelry,  instead  of  the 
^cash.  I  also  traded  buggies  frequently  in  this 
way,  and  in  a  very  short  time  I  was  driving  a 
first-class  turn-out. 

My  early  boyhood  experience  with  horses  had 
given  me  a  fair  knowledge  of  them,  and  the 
blemishes  they  were  subjected  to,  which  enabled 
me  to  pass  reasonable  judgment  on  them,  when 
making  trades. 

My  best  deals  were  always  made  with  profes- 
sional horse-men,  who  generally  seemed  to  think 
they  had  a  "soft  snap,"  and  I  never  attempted  to 
convince  them  differently,  except  when  I  could 
do  so  at  their  expense. 

Peddling  jewelry  and  spectacles  was  the  busi- 
ness I  gave  my  special  attention  to  for  sometime, 
and  it  proved  a  very  satisfactory  one.  With  the 
exception  of  a  few  disagreeable  features  which 
are  sure  to  attend  any  business  of  that  nature,  I 
found  it  very  pleasant. 

One  day  I  drove  into  a  small  country  village 
and  stopped  at  a   blaelc^mitb'c  shop  to  have  my 


Il6  TWENTY   YEARS  OF  HUS'LING. 

horse  shod.  While  waiting,  I  happened  to  drop 
into  a  large  general  store,  and  very  soon  entered 
into  conversation  with  the  proprietor,  who  was  a 
jovial,  good-natured  fellow.  He  told  me  his 
latest  story,  when  I  tliought  to  try  and  amuse 
him  mth  one  or  two  of  mine,  which  I  was  very 
successfiil  in  doing. 

In  a  few  moments  I  mentioned  that  I  was  n 
the  jewelry  business,  and  before  I  had  time  x> 
ask  him  to  look  at  my  goods,  he  said:  "Bring  n 
your  truck,  let's  see  what  you've  got,  anyhow." 

I  brought  them  in  and  began  quoting  prices. 
He  began  picking  out  and  laying  to  one  side.  I 
was  worried  to  know  whether  he  expected  to  buj 
on  credit  or  pay  cash. 

He  kept  picking  out  and  I  told  another  story. 
He  laughed  heartily  and  said  that  was  "the 
boss"  and  laid  out  more  goods. 

Finally  he  said:  "  What  are  your  terms  anjrway 
or  haven't  you  got  any." 

I  answered:  "No,  I  have  no  terms,  everjrthing 
ret  spot  cash." 

"What?    Don't  yon  give  any  cash  discount?" 

*  I  never  have  given  any  yet,"  was  my  reply. 

"  Well  then,  J  suppose  there  is  no  use  in  my 
^rviijjf^  ^n  g^f'f  any  " 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'UNG.  II7 

In  a  few  moments  he  directed  me  to  make  out 
my  bill,  which  I  did  on  a  piece  of  brown  paper. 
It  amounted  to  a  little  over  eighty-two  dollars. 

I  threw  off  the  extra  few  cents  and  he  paid  me 
the  cash,  after  which  I  receipted  the  bill. 

This  particular  sale  was  the  ruination  of  my 
jewelry  business  for  the  time  being,  but  as  will 
be  seen,  proved  to  be  the  key-note  to  a  very  suc- 
cessful business  in  after  years. 

Having  turned  wholesaler,  I  was  wholly  and 
entirely  unfitted  for  the  business  of  peddling.  My 
thoughts  were  completely  turned  from  the  lattei 
and  absorbed  in  the  former. 

Although  I  readily  understood  that  it  must 
necessarily  take  large  capital  to  conduct  such  a 
business,  I  yet  determined  to  give  it  a  trial  with 
my  little  stock. 

I  therefore  telegraphed  for  more  goods,  and 
began  driving  from  town  to  town  making  a  few 
sales  to  the  merchants,  but  none  equal  to  my  first 
one.  I  never  found  another  merchant  rq  anxious 
to  look  at  my  goods,  nor  so  ready  to  buy.  How- 
ever, I  readily  understood  that  I  must  be  persist- 
ent in  showing  to  them  the  same  as  I  had  always 
been  at  private  houses,  and  in  many  cases  more 
«o.  f  came  in  contact  with  one  merchant  whom 
T  (ailed  to  understand  Derfectlv  well. 


Il8  TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'LING. 

I  called  at  his  store  and  found  him  reading  the 
paper.  After  introducing  myself  and  explaining 
my  business,  he  simply  said  he  didn't  want  any 
jewelry. 

"Well,"  said  I,  *'I  don't  suppose  you  will  ob- 
ject to  looking  at  it,  will  you?"  He  made  no 
reply.  I  then  began  laying  my  trays  out  on  his 
counter. 

After  displaying  them  nicely,  I  stepped  back 
to  where  he  was  sitting  and  still  reading,  and 
said  to  him:  "I  have  them  ready  now,  sir." 

He  stepped  behind  the  counter,  gathered  up 
the  trays,  piled  them  in  a  heap,  stepped  to  the 
front  door,  pitched  the  entire  outfit  into  the  mid- 
dle of  the  street,  and  returned  to  his  newspaper 
without  a  word. 

My  first  impulse  was  to  "have  it  out  with 
him,  then  and  there,"  but  I  suddenly  thought  of 
my  stock  in  trade  lying  in  the  middle  of  the 
street,  and  "hushed"  to  gather  it  up. 

It  took  me  a  whole  day  to  clean  and  re-card 
and  get  it  in  good  shape,  which  work  I  did  at  the 
hotel,  in  the  same  town.  I  remained  there  over 
aight  and  prepared  for  a  new  start  tlie  following 
tcoming. 

The  more  I  thought  of  the  treatmenc  I  had 


TWENTY   YEARS   OF   HUS'UNG.  1  ly 

received  at  his  hands,  the  more  I  felt  like  having 
the  matter  settled  before  leaving.  So  after  mak- 
ing all  preparations  for  a  start,  I  drove  to  his 
store,  and  just  as  I  stepped  from  my  buggy,  he 
came  around  the  corner  from  his  residence  and 
was  about  to  enter  the  door. 

I  headed  him  off  and  said,  "  Mr.  ,  I  am 

about  to  leave  this  town,  and  before  doing  so,  I 
propose  to  have  a  little  settlement  with  you. 
Now,  sir,  you  can  have  your  choice  of  three 
things.  Either  make  an  apology  for  your 
beastly  conduct  yesterday,  take  a  good  thrashing 
or  look  my  goods  over  in  a  gentlemanly  manner. 
Now  which  do  you  prefer?" 

At  this 'I  began  la3dng  off  my  coat. 

He  said  he  had  no  desire  to  look  at  my  goods 
and  didn't  crave  a  thrashing,  and  guessed  he 
would  rather  apologize,  which  he  did,  and  I  went 
on  my  way  rejoicing,  and  I  dare  say  in  much 
better  shape  than  I  might  have  been  in,  had  he 
shown  as  much  fight  as  he  did  meanness  the  day 
before. 

On  account  of  my  extremely  small  stock  ] 
found  it  up-hill  work  to  succeed  as  a  wholesaler. 
My  first  large  sale  had  so  completely  turned 
my  head^  that    T   was  unable   to  return    to    my 


I20  TWENTY    YKARS   OF    HUS'lING. 

former  successful  plan  of  peddling  from  house  to 
house  and  continued  on  as  a  wholesaler,  wending 
ray  way  homeward. 

On  arriving  there  I  drove  to  the  old  farm,  and 
with  much  pride  related  my  experience  and  suc- 
cess to  the  folks. 

My  mother  said  she  wouldn't  give  fifty  cents 
for  all  the  jewelry  in  the  box,  and  in  all  proba- 
bility the  horse  would  die  or  something  happen 
to  him  sooner  or  later. 

Mr.  Keefer  said  he  didn't  know  about  the  jew- 
elry, but  one  thing  was  sure,  the  horse  and 
buggy  were  fine. 

I  saw  the  utter  foolishness  of  trying  to  be  a 
wholesaler,  and  began  searching  about  for  a  cus- 
tomer for  my  entire  lot  of  jewelry,  whom  I  soon 
found  in  the  person  of  a  young  man,  whose  note 
I  took  for  two  hundred  and  fifty  dollars,  and  his 
father  as  signer,  payable  six  months  after  date. 

The  next  day  I  drove  down  town,  and  as  was 
my  custom  after  arriving  home  from  a  trip,  my 
creditors  were  the  very  first  persons  I  called  on, 
and  as  usual,  assured  them  that  I  was  still  alive 
and  "hus'ling." 

I  also  showed  them  the  note  I  had  and  offered 
to  turn  it  over  to  either  of  them  who  would  pay 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'LING.  12^ 

me  the  difference  between  its  face  value  and  what 
I  owed  them. 

They  said  they  wouH  rather  take  my  individual 
note  for  the  amount  of  my  indebtedness,  which 
I  gave,  drawing  interest  at  eight  per  cent.,  all  ot 
which  footed  up  to  several  hundred  dollars.  Now 
I  was  ready  for  other  business. 


122  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    H US  LING. 


CHAPTER  X. 

GREAT  SUCCESS  AS  AN  INSURANCE  AGENT — SOLD 
OUT — ARRIVED  AT  CHICAGO — SELLING  GOV- 
ERNMENT GOODS — ACQUIRING  DISSIPATED 
HABITS — ENGAGED  TO  BE  MARRIED — BROKE 
AMONG  STRANGERS — HOW  I  MADE  A  RAISE 
— MY   ARRIVAL   HOME. 

One  day  I  met  James  Forster,  an  old  ac- 
quaintance, who  was  engaged  in  tHe  insurance 
business.  He  asked  me  if  I  didn't  think  I 
would  make  a  good  insurance  agent. 

I  told  him  I  had  never  tried  it,  but  I  knew  I 
would. 

He  asked  how  I  knew  so  much,  if  I  had  never 
tried  it.  ' 

"Because  I  am  no  good  at  anything  else,"  I 
answered. 

He  asked  how  I  would  like  it.  I  assured  him 
I  was  ready  to  try  it,  and  that  I  owned  a  nice 
horse  and  buggy  to  travel  over  the  country  with. 

He  then  took  me  to  his  ojffice  and  after  giving 
me  a  few  instructions,  gave  me  the  necessar; 
papers  and  sent  me  out. 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'UNG.  1 23 

The  very  first  day  I  took  three  applications. 
The  company  insured  on  the  installment  plan,  by 
issuing  a  policy  for  five  years,  the  first  payment 
of  forty  cents  a  hundred  per  year,  was  to  be  paid 
when  the  application  was  taken,  and  the  balance 
made  payable  in  equal  annual  installments. 

The  agent's' commission  was  the  first  install- 
ment, or  twenty  per  cent,  of  the  gross  amount. 

I  was  not  long  in  learning  that  the  rate 
charged  by  this  company  was  just  double  that  of 
any  other  in  existence,  but  the  people  readily  fell 
in  with  the  idea  of  paying  their  insurance  by 
installments. 

I  gave  it  a  week's  trial  and  was  immensely  sue 
cessful,  and  turned  my  applications  over  to  Mr. 
Forster,  but  was  careful  to  sign  my  name  to 
them  in  full,  as  sub-agent. 

He  made  an  equal  division  of  commission  with 
me,  which  I  was  not  satisfied  with.  I  then  quit, 
when  Mr.  Forster  called  in  about  a  week  to  see 
why  I  didn't  keep  "hus'ling,"  as  I  had  been  do- 
ing so  nicely. 

"Well,"  said  I,  "Mr.  Forster,  it's  against  my 
principles  to  steal  and  give  some  one  else  half.  I 
can't  afford  to  go  out  and  rob  my  neighbors  and 
acquaintances,  and  ^ive  you  any  part  of  it" 


124  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'LING. 

He  had  no  more  to  saj'.  A  few  days  later,  1 
received  a  letter  from  the  secretary  of  this  com- 
pany, asking  if  I  would  like  to  become  their 
agent.  I  answered  that  I  would,  and  on  receipt 
of  my  certificate  went  to  work  in  earnest 

Before  two  weeks  had  elapsed,  I  was  the  agent 
for  three  other  first-class  fire  companies,  whose 
rates  were  as  low  as  the  lowest.  I  also  had  a 
first-class  life  and  accident  company.  I  com- 
menced in  the  morning,  and  worked  until  late  at 
night. 

The  first  intimation  I  had  that  I  was  doing  an 
extra  good  business,  was  when  I  received  a  letter 
from  the  secretary  of  one  of  the  companies  say- 
ing: "Go  for  them,  Johnston,  you  have  sent  in 
more  applications  under  one  date,  and  made  a 
larger  thirty  days'  average,  than  has  ever  been 
made  by  any  agent  of  our  company,"  and  added 
that  I  might  consider  that  as  a  compliment,  as 
they  always  had  hundreds  of  agents,  and  in  all 
parts  of  the  United  States.  This  letter  was  re- 
ceived from  him  after  I  had  been  working  at  the 
business  some  months.  And  I  decided  at  once 
to  quit  the  business  forthwith. 

As  soon  as  I  read  it  I  said  to  myself: 

"Now  it   i<;  certain   I  cnv   nevcT  gfet  rich  work- 


TWENTY    VKAKS   OF   HUS'LING.  125 

lAg  at  the  insurance  business."  At  least,  I  could 
not  recall  to  my  mind  a  single  instance,  where 
anyone  had  ever  made  more  than  a  living,  espec- 
ially in  a  country  town,  and  I  argued,  that  if  I 
had  proved  myself  so  far  superior  to  all  other  in- 
^surance  agents,  I  couldn't  see  why  it  wasn't  pos- 
sible for  me  also  to  excel  in  a  better  paying 
business. 

I  therefore  desired  to  sell  out,  the  first  chance 
I  got,  which  I  soon  did,  receiving  five  hundred 
dollars  for  my  business,  horse  and  buggy. 

I  also  had  four  hundred  dollars'  worth  of 
notes  I  had  taken  for  insurance,  which  belonged 
to  me  as  commissions.  These  I  got  discounted, 
receiving  in  cash  three  hundred  and  twenty-five 
dollars.  I  then  collected  my  note  against  the 
man  to  whom  I  had  sold  the  jewelry. 

Now  I  had  over  one  thousand  dollars  in  cash, 
and  was  ready  to  start  for  Chicago.  I  called  on 
those  creditors  who  held  my  notes,  which  were 
not  yet  due,  and  assured  them  I  v.-^as  on  the  right 
road  to  success,  and  that  with  the  use  of  the 
money  I  then  had,  I  was  certain  to  win,  as  I 
thought  of  investing  in  jewelry  as  a  jobber,  which 
business,  I  had  from  my  first  experience,  always 
determined  to  tiy  agair  it"  ^  ever  succeeded  in 
fifettingf  money  enour"^ 


<a6  TWExrv  vhaks  of  hus'ung. 

During  this  same  summer,  Mr.  Keefer  traded 
his  fine  farm  three  miles  f!-om  town  for  a  house 
and  lot  in  town,  and  a  small  fruit  farm  one  mile 
out,  and  received  some  cash  besides.  They  had 
moved  in  town  about  the  time  I  was  ready  to 
start  for  Chicago. 

My  mother  .said,  that  while  I  had  sc  rrnch 
money,  it  would  be  a  good  time  to  pay  back  some 
I  had  borrowed  of  them,  before  I  lost  it  all. 

Mr.  Keefer  said  there  was  no  hurry  about 
that,  he  knew  I  would  pay  it  all  back  some  day, 
because  I  had  always  told  him  I  would,  and  ho 
believed  now  I  was  going  to  make  lots  of  mone}'. 

I  bade  them  good-bye,  and  left  for  Chicago, 
where  I  arrived  the  following  morning,  when  I 
immediately  set  out  to  investigate  the  jewelry 
business.  I  very  soon  became  satisfied  that  the 
few  wholesalers  I  had  called  upon  were  "wolves," 
and  convinced  that  there  was  a  wolf  for  every 
lamb,  I  "hus'led"  away  "to  tr}-  the  jewelry  an- 
other day." 

1  then  began  scanning  the  "wants"  and  "busi- 
ness chances"  in  the  different  daily  papers, 
when  I  noticed  an  advertisement  from  Colonel  O. 
Lippencott,  who  was  the  United  States  agent  for 
the   sale  of  government   g^oods.   such    as   guns 


TWENTY   YEARS   OF    HUS'LING.  tXj 

saddles,  harnesses,  blankets,  soldiers'  clothing 
etc.,  which  had  been  left  over  after  the  late  war 

I  called  on  him,  and  he  convinced  me  that  with 
a  stock  of  twenty-five  hundred  dollars,  I  coul« 
make  money  fast. 

I  asked  how  about  one  thotisand  dollars'  worth* 
He  said  it  wouldn't  pay  with  so  small  a  stock, 
and  said  I  could  pay  one  thousand  dollars  down, 
and  give  a  bond  for  the  other  fifteen  hundred 
dollars.  I  told  him  about  Mr,  Keefer,  and  he 
very  soon  ascertained  that  his  bond  would  be 
good.  He  then  filled  one  out  and  I  sent  it  to 
him  marked  "confidential,"  along  with  a  le^ 
tei  explaining  "just  how  it  was." 

It  was  promptly  returned  to  me  with  his 
signature  attached. 

The  goods  were  soon  packed  and  shipped  to  e 
point  in  Michigan.  I  hired  a  young  man  to  gc 
with  me  as  clerk. 

Our  success  was  better  than  I  anticipated. 

I  would  rent  a  room  in  a  fair-sized  town 
and  advertise  extensively,  and  remain  three  or 
four  weeks. 

The  young  man  I  had  with  me  was  about  my 
own  age,  a  jolly  good  fellow,  a  sharp  salesmar 
and  hard  \/oiker,  but  he  had  many  extravatra'". 
habit"  which  I  h&d  'np■^Tf^ir  vet  iaileti  intr* 


128  TWENTY    YEARS  OP    HUS'LIXG. 

He  was  fond  of  billiards,  and  insisted  that  i 
should  learn  the  game,  which  I  was  foolish 
enough  to  do.  In  less  than  one  week  I  was 
dreaming  every  night  of  ivory  balls  of  all  sizes 
and  colors,  of  billiard  cues  of  all  weights  and 
shapes,  and  tables  of  all  styles.  My  clerk  de 
clared  I  had  gotten  up  in  the  night  and  walked 
round  and  round  our  bed,  with  an  old  broom  in 
my  hand,  trying  to  play  billiards  and  talking  in 
my  sleep  about  carrom  and  masse  shots  and 
pocketing  balls. 

I  had  no  reason  to  doubt  his  statement,  for  it 
was  a  fact  that  I  had  become  so  infatuated  with 
the  game  that  it  was  almost  impossible  to  resist 
it,  and  in  fact  I  had  no  desire  to  do  so. 

I  enjoyed  it  greatly,  so  much  so  that  I  gc*^  into 
the  habit  of  leaving  the  store  during  business 
hours  to  indulge  in  it.  And  there  never  was  an 
evening  that  we  were  not  in  the  billiard  room  till 
it  closed  for  the  night.  My  clerk  was  a  good 
player,  and  enjoyed  playing  with  me  no  doubt 
because  he  could  easily  beat  me,  and  because  - 1 
had  plenty  of  money  with  which  to  pay  the  bills 

He  was  fond  of  balls  and  parties,  and  like  my- 
self, enjoyed  ladies'  society, and  we  were  both  sus- 
ceptible to  their  influence.     We  soon  fell  in  with 


TWKNTV    YKAKS  Ob    HUS  UNO.  I29 

the  "jolly  good  fellows"  of  every  town,  man}''  oi 
whom  were  able  to  indulge  in  a  lavish  expendi- 
ture of  money,  while  by  rights  neither  of  us 
could  afford  anything  better  than  a  plain,  com- 
fortable living;  but  as  we  had  joined  them,  we 
must  be  "  good  fellows"  also.  Consequently  I 
very  soon  found  my  business  running  behind. 

There  was  no  day  when  the  profits  were  not 
large,  but  my  expenses  were  enormous.  I 
realized  that  the  billiard  game  was  dragging  me 
down,  and  every  night  after  settling  my  bills  I 
would  say  that  I  didn't  think  I  would  ever  play 
any  more.  I  was  very  careful  however,  not  tc 
declare  myself  against  it  entirely,  because  I  loved 
it  too  well. 

We  traveled  from  town  to  town  constantly 
running  behind.  Towards  spring  we  made  a 
stop  at  Bronson,  Michigan,  where  we  continued 
to  "fly  high,"  as  we  used  to  express  it,  and  at 
this  place  while  attending  a  ball,  I  met  a  young 
lady  who  afterwards  became  my  wife.  We  re- 
mained there  six  weeks,  when  my  clerk  left  for 
home. 

As  my  contract  with  Colonel  Lippencott  would 
expire  on  March  first,  at-  which  time  I  was  to  re- 
Gurij  all  unsold  ijoods,  for  which  I  would  receive 


•  30  TWENTY    yKAKS   OF    HUS'UNG, 

credit,  or  cash  refunded,  I  packed  and  shipped 
my  remaining  stock  to  him,  with  instructions  to 
send  me  a  statement  of  account  to  White  Pigeon, 
Michigan.  There  I  went  with  a  view  to  meeting 
an  old  friend,  who  I  found  had  left  for  the  West 
a  few  days  prior  to  m}''  arrival.  Finding,  however, 
a  comfortable  stopping  place,  I  remained  there 
to  await  the  statement  from  Colonel  Lippencott. 

I  of  course  realized,  from  m}^  rude  system  of 
book-keeping,  and  the  way  the  goods  invoiced, 
that  I  was  a  considerable  loser.  The  waj^  I  fig- 
ured it,  I  would  have  at  least  one  hundred  dol- 
lars my  due  on  settlement.  But  imagine  my 
surprise,  when  I  received  a  statement  showing  a 
shortage  of  seventy-five  dollars,  which  Mr. 
Keefer  would  be  obliged  to  pay.  I  was  then 
owing  a  week's  board  bill,  and  had  not  a  cent  to 
my  name. 

After  carefully  examining  Colonel  Lippencott's 
statement,  I  was  satisfied  that  he  was  coiTect. 

I  saw  where  I  had  failed  to  charge  myself  up 
and  credit  him  wath  nearly  two  hundred  dollars' 
worth  of  goods,  at  a  time,  no  doubt,  when  I 
had  an  engagement  with  some  '\1:k1c"  to  play 
billiards. 

T  '.nimediat  )te  Ciolonel  Linpencott  that  I 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'LING.  131 

would  return  home  soon,  when  the  deficit  would 
be  made  good. 

I  was  now  at  a  loss  to  know  how  to  "  make  a 
raise."  While  sitting  in  the  hotel  office  one 
afternoon  contemplating  matters  most  seriously, 
and  feeling  silly  and  fovolisli  over  my  winters  ex- 
ploit, a  3-oung,  despondent-looking  chap  came 
into  the  office  carrying  a  valise  and  bag,  about 
half  filled  with  something.  He  registered,  and 
after  making  rates  with  the  landlord,  took  a  seat 
near  me.  He  had  a  woe-begone  look,  and  seemed 
nervous  and  anxious. 

I  immediately  opened  up  conversation  with 
him,  and  learned  he  was  from  a  small  town  in 
Illinois,  whence  he  had  started  as  a  canvasser, 
selling  nutmeg-graters. 

I  asked  how  he  was  doing.  He  said  he  had 
been  out  three  days,  and  hadn't  sold  a  grater. 

I  asked  if  he  had  worked  hard,  and  he  said 
yes,  but  he  hadn't  "nerve"  enough  for  that  busi- 
ness. 

I  asked  him  to  show  me  one,  which  he  did. 

They  were  a  very  novel,  ingenious  thing,  and 
I  asked  him  about  the  price. 

He  said  he  could  sell  them  for  twenty-five 
cents,  and  make  money.    I  told  him  he  could  sell 


132  TWENTY    YEARS   01<    HUS'j.ING. 

more  at- fifty  cents  each,  than  he  could  at  twenty- 
five. 

He  said  he  couldn't  see  how  that  could  be,  and 
I  reminded  him  of  what  Barnum  said  about  the 
American  people. 

To  this  he  replied:  "By  gol,  I'll  be  gosh  durn 
glad  to  sell  all  I  have  fer  just  what  they  cost 
me." 

"How  much  would  that  be?" 

"One  dollar  and  fifty  cents  per  dozen,"  he 
answered. 

"How  many  have  you?" 

"Twenty  dozen." 

I  took  the  one  he  was  showing  me  and  putting 
it  into  my  pocket,  started  out.  I  called  at  a  gen- 
eral store  and  enquired  for  the  proprietor,  and 
when  pointed  out  to  me,  stepped  up  to  him 
briskly,  and  said: 

"  Mr. ,  do  you  want  to  make  some  money?' 

"Why  yes,  that's  what  I  am  here  for." 

"Well  then,  sir,"  producing  the  novelty,  "how 
would  you  like  the  exclusive  sale  of  this,  one  of 
the  fastest-selling  and  most  useful  articles  ever 
manufactured.  I  have  only  twenty  dozen  left, 
and  some  one  in  this  town  is  going  to  have 
them.     You    can    put    a   basket    full    on    your 


TWENTY    YEARS    OE    HL'vSLlNG.  133 

counter,  sir,  and  sell  one  or  more  to  every  lady 
visiting  your  store." 

"What  do  they  retail  at?"  he  asked. 

"Fifty  cents  each." 

"What  is  the  wholesale  price?" 

"Three  dollars  a  dozen,  but  as  I  have  only 
twenty  dozen  left,  you  can  have  them  at  two 
dollars  and  seventy-five  cents  per  dozen." 

"  I'll  give  you  fifty  dollars  spot  cash  for  the 
lot,"  he  said,  after  figuring  a  moment. 

"All  right,  I  guess  you  can  have  them."  And 
I  quickly  delivered  them  and  received  the  cash. 

Thirt}'  dollars  of  this  the  young  man  received 
with  much  satisfaction,  while  with  the  other 
twenty  I  felt  quite  comfortable  myself. 

After  paying  my  hotel  bill  I  departed  for 
Ohio. 

On  my  arrival  home  I  explained  to  my  folks 
"just  how  it  all  happened."  My  mother  said 
"  she  always  thought  I  would  turn  out  a  gambler 
anyhow,  and  didn't  expect  anything  else  when  I 
left  home,  only  that  I  would  lose  all  I  had  before 
getting  back." 

Mr.  Keefer  said  "it  was  too  bad,  and  I 
ought  to  have  knocked  the  whole  top  of  that 
clerk's  head  off  for  getting  me  into  such  habits  " 


7  34  TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'LING. 


CHAPTER  XI. 

MORE  HELP  FROM  MR.  KEEPER — OFF  TO  SEE  MY 
GIRL — EMBARKED  IN  THE  AGRICULTURAL- 
IMPLEMENT  BUSINESS  WITHOUT  CAPITAL — 
MARRIED  —  SOLD  OUT — IN  THE  GROCERY 
BUSINESS  —  COLLAPSED — RUNNING  A  BIL- 
LIARD HALL — COLLAPSED  AGAIN — NEWSPA- 
PER REPORTER  FOR  A  MYSTERIOUS  MURDER. 

The  uext  da}^  I  called  Mr.  Keefer  to  one  side, 
informed  him — on  the  quiet — about  ray  shortage 
of  seventy-five  dollars  and  suggested  going  to 
the  bank  and  borrowing  about  a  hundred  dollars, 
as  it  would  be  necessary  for  me  to  have  a  few 
dollars  to  "sort  of  bridge  me  over"  till  I  could 
get  on  my  feet  again.  He  said  he  guessed  that 
would  be  all  right,  so  we  borrowed  the  money. 

The  next  day  I  received  a  ver}'  afifectionatc 
better  from  my  girl  and  started  forthwith  for 
Michigan,  amving  there  in  time  to  escort  her  to 
the  last  and  grandest  ball  of  the  season,  at  an 
expense  of  more  than  half  the  amount  of  mv 
iasl  loan. 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'LIN'^. 


35 


«.   DUSTV 


i^B    SALE' 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'LING.  137 

I  was  very  anxious  to  get  married  at  once,  but 
being  a  little  short  financially,  concluded  to  post- 
pone it  a  few  days  at  least.  A  couple  of  days 
later  I  received  a  letter  from  my  uncle',  A.  S. 
[ohnston,  who  was  then  living  at  Three  Rivers, 
Michigan,  and  who  had  previously  started  me  in 
the  fruit  business  in  Chicago.  He  informed  me 
that  he  was  general  agent  in  Southern  Michigan 
for  C.  H.  &  L.  J.  McCormick's  reapers  and 
jQowers,  and  if  I  would  come  there  he  would 
make  me  their  local  agent  at  that  place. 

Bidding  my  girl  an  affectionate  farewell  I  de- 
parted, and  arrived  at  my  uncle's  with  forty  cents 
in  cash  and  six  dirty  shirts. 

On  my  way  there  I  fell  in  company  with  two 
gentlemen  traveling  together,  oneof  whom  was  sel- 
ling horse-rakes  and  the  other  threshing-machines. 

I  explained  to  them  that  I  was  on  my  way  to 
Three  Rivers,  where  I  expected  to  become  an 
agent  for  my  uncle.  They  then  remembered 
having  met  him  somewhere  on  the  road,  and  one 
of  them,  suggested  that  I  might  also  be  able  to 
sell  horse-rakes  and  threshing-machines.  I  told 
them  I  had  thought  some  of  putting  in  a  few 
later  on.  They  then  became  anxious  to  have  me 
take  the  agreticy  for  their  implement*;,  but  a«;  ] 


138  TWENTY    YEARS    OF    HUS'LING, 

had  in  my  mind  the  goods  of  other  manufactnr 
ers  which  I  believed  had  a  better  reputation,  I 
hesitated  about  handling  theirs. 

They  became  very  much  interested  and  urged 
me  to  let  them  send  on  consignment  a  car-load 
of  horse-rakes  and  four  threshing-machines.  I 
finally  consented  on  condition  that  they  prepay 
the  freight,  which  they  agreed  to  do. 

I  informed  my  uncle  of  my  intentions  of  starting 
in  the  agricultural -implement  business,'  He 
asked  howl  expected  to  do  so  on  forty  cents  capital. 

I  answered  that  all  I  needed  was  a  sign  over 
some  good  shed,  and  a  boarding  house  where 
they  woulf'  be  willing  to  wai)  tili  ^fler  harvest 
for  their  pay. 

Sign-painting  had  been  hi  3  trade,  so  he  said  he 
would  furnish  the  sign,  and  I  could  live  with 
them  until  I  got  returns. 

That  afternoon  I  arranged  to  have  the  use  of 
a  vacant  lot  which  was  in  a  good  locality,  and  as 
soon  as  possible  erected  a  sign  as  large  as  the 
broad-side  of  a  bam,  which  read  as  follows: 

"J.  P.  JOHNSTON,  DEALER  IN  ALL 
KINDS  OF  AGRICULTURAL  IMPLE- 
MENTS. C.  H.  &  L.  J.  McCORMICK'S 
REAPERS   AND   MOWERS    FOR    ^^^^-^^ 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'LINO.  1 39 

In  less  than  two  months  I  had  several  thous- 
and dollars'  worth  of  all  kinds  of  implements. 
which  had  been  consigned  to  me,  freight 
prepaid. 

I  very  soon  made  the  acquaintance  of  a  young 
man  who  owned  a  good  horse,  which  he  kindh- 
offered  to  loan  me  to  canvass  the  farmers  with.  I 
then  began  looking  about  to  find  some  one  who 
would  loan  me  a  harness  and  carriage,  when  my 
attention  wae  called  to  the  advertisement  of  a  lot 
of  carriages  to  be  sold  at  auction  that  very  day. 
I  called  on  the  owner  and  told  him  I  needed  a 
carriage,  and  asked  what  the  terms  of  the  sale 
would  be. 

He  said  a  note  payable  in  one  year,  would  be 
acceptable  from  responsible  parties,  and  then 
asked  my  name.  I  said:  "I  am  J.  P.Johnston, 
the  agricultural  man." 

"What!  the  man  with  the  big  sign  across  the 
street  ?" 

I  replied:  "The  same." 

"O,  well,"  he  said^  "your  note  is  good." 

I  bid  in  a  fine  carriage,  giving  my  note, 
which,  by  the  way,  was  paid  in  less  than  six 
months.  I  then  borrowed  a  harness  and  began 
a  general  raid  on  the  farmers-  and  succeeded 
fairly  vvell 


i40  TWENTV    Vi:ARS   OF    liUS  LING, 

The  only  unpleasantness  I  expenenced  in  thi 
sale  of  implements  \vas  that  of  a  check-row  corn 
planter,  which  was  new  to  the  farmers  in  that 
section  as  well  as  to  myself  I,  of  course,  as- 
sumed to  know  all  about  it,  when  in  fact,  I  was 
unable  to  in  the  least  comprehend  the  method  of 
operating  it,  even  after  studying  the  directions 
carefully,  and  committing  them  to  memory  so  as 
to  give  a  glowing  description  of  it  and  its  great 
advantages. 

One  day  a  farmer  came  dri\'ing  up  to  m}' 
"office"  in  a  great  hurry  and  informed  me  of  his 
intention  to  buy  a  corn-planter,  and  stated  that 
he  had  a  piece  of  ground  all  prepared,  ^nd  asked 
me  to  go  and  show  him  "how  the  thing 
worked."  Of  course  there  was  nothing  else  for 
me  to  do  but  to  go.  So  we  loaded  one  on  to  the 
wagon  and  started. 

Arriving  at  the  farm  we  hitched  one  of  the 
old  mares  on  and  started  for  the  field,  when  1 
very  soon  learned  that  the  farmer  had  a  much 
better  idea  of  the  "machine"  than  I  did.  But  in 
order  to  make  him  conscious  of  my  importance 
it  was  necessary  for  me  to  oppose  him  in  many 
things,  some  of  which  were  no  doubt  injurious  ^c 
the  job. 


uiBRAR> 
UNIVERSITY  OF  ILuwu;^ 


r^'EH^Y    YEARS    OF    HUSXING.  I43 

Alter  he  had  set  the  stakes  and  drawn  the  line 
across  the  field,  we  were  ready  for  a  start.  I 
was  to  hold  the  "machine,"  and  he  to  drive  the 
horse.  As  we  were  about  to  start  he  suggested 
that  I  had  better  take  off  my  coat,  vest,  boots 
and  stockings,  and  roll  up  my  pants.     I  did  so. 

The  wisdom  of  this  move  will  be  seen  later. 
The  old  mare  started  on  a  gait  equal  to  that  of 
the  "deaf  drover  "  over  the  rough  roads.  I  held 
tight  to  the  handles,  making  lofty  jumps  from 
one  step  to  another,  sinking  into  the  plowed 
ground  almost  to  my  knees  each  time.  Before 
we  were  half  through  the  field  I  was  in  a  profuse 
perspiration,  and  had  succeeded  in  knocking  one 
of  my  great  toe-nails  entirely  off,  which  after- 
wards laid  me  up  for  two  weeks.  When  we 
reached  the  other  end  he  looked  solemnly  at  me 
and  said:  "By  gosh!  you  can  run  like  a  race- 
horse can't  you?" 

"Yes,"  I  replied,  almost  out  of  breath,  "and 
you  are  no  slouch  yourself" 

I  then  took  a  comfortable  seat  on  a  fence-rail 
and  asked  him  if  that  was  the  fastest  horse  he 
owned.  He  answered:  "No,  by  gosh, I  own  one 
that  can  out-trot  this  one." 

*  Yes,"  I  said,  "but  trotters  won't  do  here.  Wfe 
raus+  have  a  ruuiiiiig;  hoar^^  iocln  tV.if-  riorlii-.'' 


l^%  TWENTY    VEARS   OF    HUS'UNG. 

After  skimming  over  a  couple  of  acres  which 
took  but  a  few  minutes,  we  concluded  to  make 
an  investigation  to  see  how  evenly  the  kernels 
were  being  distributed. 

Although  it  seemed  to  us  that  we  were  using 
jip  a  large  quantity  of  corn  we  found  but  few 
hills  containing  more  than  the  average  number 
of  kernels. 

Of  course  we  only  examined  along  the  line 
opposite  each  check,  having  no  thought  of  find- 
ing any  com  between  them. 

I  then  suggested  that  he  finish  it  alone,  as 
I  must  return  to  town  to  attend  to  important 
business. 

This  he  agreed  to  and  I  left  at  once.  In  about 
ten  days  he  drove  up  in  front  of  the  oflBce  and 
beckoned  me  out,  when  he  said: 

"  Get  in  here  young  man,  I  want  to  show  you 
something." 

I  climbed  in  the  wagon  and  he  started  for  home. 

On  the  way  he  asked  me  how  long  I  had  been 
in  that  business,  adding  that  he  "didn't  suppose 
1  had  ever  worked  in  a  shop  where  they  made 
■jorn-planters." 

I  assured  him  that  my  time  had  always  beeff 
too  valuable  for  that. 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'LING.  I4.5 

He  said  he  "  supposed  so." 

When  we  arrived  at  the  corn-field  he  drew  a 
long  breath  and  said : 

''  Now  sir,  you  have  done  a  deal  of  blowing 
about  your  old  check-row  corn-planters.  As  you^ 
see,  this  corn  is  high  enough  to  judge,  and  i^ 
you  can  find  a  single  row  in  this  whole  field,  I'll 
buy  you  out." 

I  admitted  that  there  were  no  rows,  and  said 
to  him  in  a  confidential  way :  "  My  dear  sir,  I 
supposed  you  understood  that  this  machine  was 
intended  to  sow  broadcast." 

"  Broadcast  the  d 1 !"   he  replied,  and  flew 

into  a  rage,  declaring  he  would  sue  me  for  dama- 
ges. I  then  said  to  him,  as  I  motioned  towards 
the  house :  "  Come  inside,  I  want  to  show  you 
something." 

He  followed  me  in,  and  I  took  an  old  slippei 
and  a  woolen  sock  off  my  foot,  and  without  un- 
wrapping the  toe,  said,  pointing  to  it :  "  Sir,  if  I 
have  that  toe  taken  off,  I  shall  be  obliged  to  com- 
pel you  to  pay  for  it." 

His  wife,  a  silly-looking  mortal,  stared  vacantly 
for  a  moment  and  then  said :  "  I  can't  see  what 
use  he  would  have  for  the  toe,  if  you  did  have  iv 
taken  off." 


146  TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUS'LING. 

We  then  compromised,  he  agreeing  to  stand 
the  results  of  the  com  crop,  and  I  the  consequen- 
ces of  the  sore  tde.  As  soon  as  a  new  nail  grew 
out,  I  made  a  trip  through  the  country,  and 
brought  up  one  Saturday  evening  at  Bronson, 
where  "  my  girl  "  lived. 

I  couldn't  give  up  the  idea  of  getting  married, 
and  as  my  prospective  mother-in-law  quite  agreed 
with  me  that  it  would  be  the  best  thing  to  do, 
we  lost  no  time  in  arranging  matters.  The  mar- 
riage took  place  the  following  week,  and  I  imme- 
diately retured  to  Three  Rivers  with  my  bride. 

We  remained  but  a  short  time,  until  my  uncle 
expressed  a  desire  to  become  interested  in  the 
business.  I  then  turned  it  all  over  to  him,  as  I 
felt  it  was  too  slow  to  suit  me.  I  had  been  there 
six  months,  and  left  wdth  about  that  many 
hundred  dollars. 

We  proceeded  to  Ohio,  and  explained  to  my 
folks  "just  how  it  all  happened."  ^ly  mother 
said  "  she  couldn't  see  how  I  had  managed  to  live 
so  long  without  a  wife."  Mr.  Keefer  said  "  he'd 
bet  it  was  the  best  thing  that  ever  happened  to 
me." 

My  mother  wanted  to  know  what  next,  and 
how  T  expected   to   support  a  wife  and  pay  my 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'LING.  I47 

debts,  when  I  had  never  yet  shown  enough  abili- 
ty to  support  myself? 

I  frankl}^  confessed  that  during  my  courtship 
I  absolutely  forgot  that  I  owed  any  one,  and  that 
,^it  seemed  to  have  been  a  secondary  consideration 
^with  me. 

However,  I  called  on  all  my  creditors,  and,  af- 
ter showing  them  a  nice  roll  of  money  as  evidence 
that  I  had  been  "  hus'ling,"  I  received  their  sanc- 
tion to  my  investing  the  money  in  jewelry,  and 
going  on  the  road  as  a  wholesaler.  I  then  opened 
correspondence  with  a  firm  in  Chicago  who  had 
been  recommended  to  me  as  headquarters  on  jew- 
elry, arranging  to  call  on  them  in  a  few  days. 
They  informed  me  that  five  hundred  dollars 
would  buy  a  fair  stock,  to  start  with. 

We  returned  to  the  home  of  my  \vife's  pa- 
rents ;  and  the  day  before  I  was  to  start  for  Chi- 
cago, her  father,  who  was  engaged  in  the  grocery 
business,  called  me  one  side  and  explained  that 
he  had  become  involved,  and  that  the  money  I 
had  would  bridge  him  over ;  and  if  I  would  put 
it  in  his  business  and  help  him  run  it  he  would 
give  me  half  the  profits  and  board  myself  and  wife. 

This  I  consented  to  do,  and  had  no  sooner  set 
tied  down  to  business  than  his  crec  rao 


148  TWENTY    YEARS  OF  HUSTLING. 

crowding  him,  and  in  a  very  short  time  the  busi- 
ness *'  collapsed."  The  only  thing  I  had  from 
the  wreck  was  an  old  billiard-table  which  he 
turned  over  to  me.  As  I  had  had  quite  a  sad  ex- 
perience in  the  billiard  business  only  a  year  be- 
fore, I  now  thought  I  saw  my  only  chance  to  get 
even.  I  therefore  rented  a  room  and  opened  a 
billiard  hall. 

This  was  a  regular  bonanza,  for  about  three 
weeks.  Indeed,  too  much  so,  for  then,  to  my  regret, 
the  '*  City  dads"  passed  an  ordinance  prohibiting 
the  running  of  billiard  rooms.  As  I  had  com- 
menced housekeeping  about  the  time  I  opened 
the  billiard  room,  and  had  gone  in  debt  for  my 
furniture,  I  found  myself  in  a  sad  plight.  The 
sale  of  the  out-fit  enabled  me  to  pay  but  a  small 
portion  of  my  indebtedness. 

I  was  now  stranded,  and  ready  for  something 
else,  but  was  completely  non-plussed  to  know 
what  to  do  next.  Of  course  I  realized  by  this 
time  that  I  had  a  wife,  and  a  "  mother-in-law,'' 
artd  it  began  to  look  as  though  there  must  be 
some  genuine  "  hus'ling  "  done. 

About  this  time  the  whole  country  thereabouts 
was  thrown  into  the  wildest  excitement  over  the 
-uppn.«u?d  mysterion^  'niirder  of  AltneHn  Davis,  foi 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS*UNG.  I49 

whicli  a  young  man  named  Bunnell  was  arrested, 
tried  and  acquitted.  Deputy-sheriff  Dennis,  who 
made  the  arrest,  came  to  me  the  next  day  after  the 
young  ladj^'s  death,  and  asked  me  to  write  it  up 
for  some  of  the  leading  City  Dailies.  I  agreed 
to  do  so,  and  to  always  give  him  a  good  "  send 
off,"  if  he  would  furnish  me  with  the  minutest 
facts  during  the  whole  case.  He  did  so,  and  I 
guess  would  be  surprised  to  learn  that  I  made 
more  money  out  of  that  trial  than  he  did,  if  it  was 
a  new  business  to  me.  But  it  made  us  a  comfort- 
able living  until  about  the  middle  of  winter,  when 
I  decided  to  move  back  to  Ohio.  Before  arrang- 
ing to  leave,  I  called  on  my  creditors  at  Bronson 
— there  were  five  of  them  -  -and  explained  my  po- 
sition. They  each  agreed  that  I  could  do  noth- 
ing there,  and  might  better  make  a  change, 
and  that  they  would  gladly  wait  till  I  could  make 
a  raise  before  asking  or  e  Kpecting  me  to  pay. 
^  .  We  then  proceeded  to  Ohio,  arriving  home 
"broke,"  where  I  explained  tc  my  folks  "just 
how  it  all  happened." 

My  mother  said  she  thought  I  had  done  spl{-.  tr 
didly  "  for  a  married  man." 

Mr.  Keefer  said  "  It  did  beat  the.  d- — -i!** 


itp  TW&NTY   YEAKS  OF   HUS'LING 


CHAPTER  Xn. 

MORE  HELP  FROM  MR.  KEEKER — SIX  WEEKS  \S 
A  HORSE-TRAINER — A  MYSTERIOUS  PART- 
NER— COLLAPSED — HOW  I  MADE  A  RAISE — 
HOME    AGAIN—  FATHER  TO  A  BOUNCING  BOY. 

Soon  after  my  arrival  home  I  received  a  letter 
from  a  horse-trainer  then  located  at  Springfield, 
Ohio,  saying  I  had  been  recommended  to  him  as 
a  splendid  horse-back  rider,  a  general  "hus'ler" 
in  business,  and  possibly  a  good  advertiser.  As 
these  were  the  requirements  needed  in  his  busi- 
ness, he  would  give  me  a  half  interest  in  the  same 
if  I  would  join  him.  He  then  went  on  to  state 
the  marvelous  works  he  could  do. 

When  I  read  this  letter  to  my  folks,  my  moth- 
er said  she  thought  it  a  splendid  chance  to  get 
my  neck  broke,  and  leave  a  young  widow. 

Mr.  Keefer  said  he'd  bet  I  could  ride  any  horse* 
the  fellow  had. 

I  then  gave  Mr.  Keefer  the  wink,  and  he  fol- 
lowed me  to  the  bam,  when  I  began  negotiations 
for  a  .small  loan  to  take  me  to  Springfield.  He 
*^hen  explained  to  me  for  the  first  time,  that  his 


TWUNTY    YEARS   OF    HrS'LmG. 


i5> 


Il 


TWENTY  YEARS  OF  HUS  LING.  1 53 

affairs  had  become  somewhat  embarrassed, 
through  a  bad  investment,  and  it  was  almost  im- 
possible for  him  to  make  both  ends  meet ;  "  but,' 
he  added,  "  I  have  never  yet  refused  you,  because 
1  have  always  had  faith  in  you ;  and  I  believe  in 
your  ability  to  some  day  make  lots  of  money,  and 
I  will  see  what  I  can  do  to  help  you  once  more." 

That  day  he  called  on  a  friend  who  loaned  him 
the  few  dollars 'I  needed,  and  as  he  handed  it  to 
me  he  said :  "I  know  it  will  all  come  right  some 
day." 

I  now  began  to  realize  what  a  pleasure  it  would 
be  could  I  embark  in  a  well-paying  business,  just 
at  the  time  when  Mr.  Keefer  was  in  adverse  cir- 
cumstances. 

As  there  was  no  other  opening  for  me,  I  imme- 
diately started  for  Springfield,  where  I  met  the 
young  horse-trainer.  Prof.  De  Voe,  with  whom  I 
at  once  proceeded  to  form  a  co-partnership.  He 
was  a  conundrum  to  me,  from  the  very  outset. 
A  short,  thick-set  young  man,  not  over  eighteen 
years  of  age,  with  bushy,  black  hair,  and  dark 
eyes,  a  large  Roman  nose,  and  extremely  small 
hands  and  feet. 

He  was  thoroughly  posted  in  the  science  of 
tlorse-training,  first-class  in  giving  instructions. 


i54  TWKNTV     YEARS  OF   HUS'LDSTG 

but  poor  in  execution.  I  immediately  wrote  some 
adveitising  matter,  and  after  ha\ing  it  printed  we 
started  on  our  trip. 

Our  plan  was  to  break  unruly  horses,  and 
teach  the  method  of  doing  it.  We  would  select 
one  of  the  handsomest  horses  in  the  town  where 
we  were  operating,  and  I  would  first  break  him 
to  ride  under  the  saddle  without  a  bridle ;  then 
we  would  teach  him  to  drive  to  the  carriage  with- 
out reins,  by  the  motion  of  the  whip. 

We  had  a  splendid  trade  for  about  two  weeks, 
and  worked  into  the  State  of  Kentucky.  We 
very  soon  learned  that  the  people  there  knew 
more  about  horses  than  we  ever  knew. 

My  partner  and  myself  were  frequentlj'  com- 
pelled to  occupy  the  same  room  at  the  hotels, 
and  he  would  often  frighten  me  half  out  of  my 
wits,  in  the  middle  of  the  night,  by  breaking  out 
with  a  beautiful  song,  in  a  sweet  soprano  voice ; 
and  at  other  times  would  get  up  in  his  sleep  and^ 
after  taking  his  position  on  a  foot-stool,  would 
strike  out  in  a  splendid  lecture  on  either  the  anat- 
omy of  the  horse,  or  the  art  of  training  him. 

I  would  frequently  wait  and  let  him  close  his 
speecli;  after  thanking  his  supposed  audience, 
fie  would   ac^aiti   retire,  witho'it   ever  wakiTig-.  o" 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'UNG.  1 55 

realizing  what  he  had  done.  There  was  no  time 
when  I  ever  heard  him  do  half  so  well  in  his  lec- 
tures as  when  asleep 

He  wore  a  boot  three  sizes  too  large,  and  gave 
'as  a  reason  for  this,  that  if  a  horse  happened  to 
step  on  his  feet  it  wouldn't  hurt  his  toes. 

I  often  laughed  at  this  foolish  whim,  and  failed 
to  quite  understand  him.  We  remained  together 
until  we  "  collapsed,"  at  Bowling  Green,  when 
we  decided  to  dissolve  partnership. 

He  pawned  a  small  lady's  gold  watch,  which 
he  said  his  deceased  wife  had  left  him,  and  with 
the  money  bought  a  ticket  for  Cincinnati.  I  was 
undecided  whether  to  continue  horse-training,  or 
try  and  strike  something  else. 

After  Prof.  De  Voe  left,  I  remained  at  the  ho- 
tel but  a  few  days,  when  a  gentleman  arrived 
there  from  the  East,  selling  County  rights  for  a 
patent  gate. 

I  remembered  having  had  a  conversation  with 
a  gentleman  the  day  before,  who  said  he  wanted 
to  invest  a  hundred  dollars  in  a  good  pa)ring  busi- 
ness. 

I  asked  the  patent-right  man  what  commission 
he  would  allow  if  I  would  find  a  customer.  He 
vventy-five  per  cent.    In  less  than  two  ho 


150  rWKNTV     VEARS   Ot    HUS  LING. 

1.  had  sold  a  county  for  one  hundred  dollars.  1 
received  the  tv\^enty-five  dollars,  and  after  settling 
my  board  bill,  started  foi  home. 

On  my  way  I  stopped  off  a  day  in  Cincinnati. 
While  passing  by  a  cheap  second-class  hotel,  a 
voice  came  from  an  upper  window:  "  Halloo,  John- 
ston !"  I  halted,  looked  up  and  "hallooed"  back. 
A  lad^^  with  her  head  projecting  out  of  the  window, 
said:  "Come  up  in  the  sitting-room."  I  did  as 
requested. 

As  I  opened  the  door,  she  stepped  forward  and 
extended  her  hand,  with  the  remark  :  "  How  are 
you,  Prof.  Johnston  ?  Where  did  you  leave  Prof. 
De  Voe?"  I  answered  the  question,  adding: 
"  Madam,  you  know  me,  but  I  can't  place  3'ou, 
although  your  countenance  looks  familiar." 

She  then  stepped  to  a  door  leading  into  a  bed- 
room, and  asked  me  to  look  inside  and  see  if  I 
saw  anything  that  looked  natural. 

The  very  first  article  my  eyes  fell  upon  was  a 
familiar-looking  valise,  with  the  name,  "  Prof.  De 
Voe,"  printed  on  it,  and  the  same  one  that  I  had 
frequentlv  canned  and  had  checked,  on  our  re- 
vent  horse-trainmg  trip. 

I  then  turned  to  the  lad}',  and  at  once  saw  ev- 
^TV  expression  of  tlic  Proro<;'~.or'«;  fncp  in  here;,  nnri 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUS'LING.  1 57 

realized  for  the  first  time  how  I  had  been  deceived. 
Standing  there  before  me,  with  the  form  and 
countenance  of  Prof  De  Voe,  was  one  of  the 
handsomest  and  most  graceful  young  ladies  I  had 
ever  met.  Instantly  there  came  to  mind  the 
small  feet,  and  the  flimsy  excuse  for  wearing 
large  boots.  I  also  called  to  mind  the  sweet  so- 
prano voice  while  singing,  the  lady's  gold  watch 
that  was  pawned,  the  fact  of  the  Professor  having 
always  persisted  in  looking  under  the  bed  before 
retiring,  and  the  timidity  shown  at  the  sudden 
appearance  of  a  mouse  in  the  room;  and  one 
time  in  particular,  when  the  landlord  where  we 
stopped  asked  if  we  would  occupy  the  same  room 
and  bed,  I  objected  seriously,  telling  him  that  I 
didn't  like  to  sleep  with  any  man. 

The  incident  just  related  is  very  unusual,  and 
far  from  the  range  of  most  people's  experience. 

The  old  adage,  ''Truth  is  stranger  than  fic- 
tion" is  ably  illustrated  here.  And  to  prove 
its  authenticity,  I  will  say  that  I  have  letters  in 
my  possesion  from  Prof  De  Voe,  who  is  living 
with  her  second  husband,  in  Cincinnati,  in  which 
mention  is  made  of  our  experience.        ^ 

I  of  course  felt  humiliated  that  I  had  traveled 
six  weeks  with  a  lady  as  partner  without  discov- 


158  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'UNG. 

ering  the  fact,  but  felt  nevertheless  that  it  wnus 
not  due  to  my  stupidity,  as  I  could  readily  see 
how  perfect  her  disguise  was. 

She  explained  to  me  that  her  husbaud — Prof. 
De  Voe — had  skipped  to  Canada,  through  having 
financial  trouble,  and  had  left  her  with  but  little 
money,  several  suits  of  clothes  which  fitted  her 
uicely,  and  a  fair  knowledge  of  horse-training, 
in  which  she  felt  certain  to  succeed.  I  will  here 
add  that  since  my  residence  in  Chicago  I  pur- 
chased a  very  handsome  balky  horse  for  ninet\' 
dollars,  which  I  succeeded  in  breaking  within  teu 
days  by  Prof.  De  Voe's  method,  and  afterwards 
sold  him  for  five  hundred  dollars. 

While  at  Cincinnati  I  received  a  message  sum- 
moning me  home,  where  I  arrived  the  following 
morning,  and  two  da^'s  later  became  the  father  of 
a  bouncing  eleven-pound  bo}-. 

On  my  arrival  home  I  explained  to  my  folks 
"just  how  it  all  happened." 

My  mother  said  it  showed  just  how  bright  I  was, 
to  travel  six  weeks  with  a  man  and  not  know  he 
was  a  woman. 

Mr.  Keefer  said  he  guessed  there  was  no  harm 
done. 


TWENTY    YKAKb   Oi<    HUSXiNG.  I59 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

fiNGAGED  IN  THE  PATENT-RIGHT  BUSINESS — MY 
TRADE  WITH  BROTHER  LONG — THE  COM* 
PROMISE — MY  SECOND  TRADE  WITH  A  DEA- 
CON— HIS  SUNDAY  HONESTY  AND  WEEK-DAY 
ECONOMY — A  NEW  PARTNER — THE  LAND- 
LORD AND  HIS  CREAM  BISCUITS — HOW  WE 
HEADED  HIM  OFF — A  TRADE  FOR  A  BALKY 
HORSE — HOW  WE  PERSUADED  HIM  TO  GO — 
OUR  FINAL  SETTLEMENT  WITH  THE  LAND- 
LORD. 

The  next  day  I  received  a  letter  from  an  old 
gentleman  living  at  Bronson,  Mich.,  who  had  just 
patented  a  dropper  for  a  reaping-machine,  and 
wanted  me  to  sell  County  rights  for  him,  and 
establish  agencies.  As  a  drowning  man  clutches 
at  a  straw,  so  did  I  embrace  this  opportunity,  and 
instructed  him  to  send  on  his  papers  at  once,  with  • 
the  model.  He  did  so.  On  the  day  I  received  it 
my  mother  and  myself  were  walking  down  street, 
when  I  noticed  her  bowing  to  an  elderly  gentle- 
man driving  a  handsome  pair  of  bay  horses.  I 
asked  his  name.    She  said  it  was  Brother  Long. 


ibO  TWENTY    YKARS   OF    HUS'LING. 

"  Brother  Long,"  said  I ;  "  and  who  is  Brothei 
Long?" 

"  Why,  he  is  a  deacon  in  our  church." 

"  Oh,  I  see.  I  wonder  if  he  wouldn't  like  to 
trade  those  horses  for  patent  rights  ?"  I  ventured 
to  remark. 

She  sarcastically  observed  that  she  would  like 
to  see  me  trade  him  out  of  those  beautiful  horses. 

That  afternoon  I  called  at  his  house  with  my 
model,  and  as  I  stepped  in,  said  :  "  How-do-3'ou- 
do.  Brother  Long  ?"  He  smiled  pleasantly,  and 
extending  his  hand  inquired  my  name.  "  Why," 
said  I,  "  I  am  a  son  of  your  sister  Keefer.  John- 
ston is  my  name.  Mr.  Keefer  is  my  step-father." 
"  O,  I  understand.  Take  a  chair ;  lay  off  your 
hat.  Aren't  you  the  young  man  who  led  in 
prayer  the  other  evening  ?" 

I  told  him  I  didn't  remember  just  what  evening 
I  did  attend  prayer-meeting  last,  but  didn't  think 
I  was  the  one  he  alluded  to. 

I  then  said :  "  Brother  Long,  I  am  represent- 
ing Warner's  patent  dropper  for  a  reaping-ma- 
chine, and  am  desirous  of  making  you  agent  for 
♦;his  County.  I  don't  ask  you  to  invest  anything, 
nor  to  give  your  signature  ;  neither  do  I  give  you 
mine.     I  simply  lea\e  voii  a  model,  and  3'ou  are 


TWENTY    VKARS   Oh    HUS'UING.  l6l 

to  sell  as  many  as  possible,  on  which  we  alloA* 
you  a  regular  commission  of  twenty-five  per  cent. 
Or,  if  yon  see  fit  to  buy  a  few  counties,  you  can 
then  make  fifty  per  cent,  on  all  you  sell  in  youi 
own  territory ;  and  should  you  sell  any  County 
rights  for  ug  we  would  allow  you  all  over  one 
hundred  dollars  that  you  got  for  them."  He  said 
he  wouldn't  care  to  invest  the  cash,  although  he 
would  like  to  own  enough  County  rights  to  make 
him  a  nice  business. 

I  then  told  him  I  would  trade  for  a  good  team 
of  horses.  He  said  he  owned  a  first-class  team, 
which  he  held  at  six  hundred  dollars. 

I  at  once  saw  that  he  wasn't  very  slow  himself 
in  dealing,  as  I  had  been  informed  that  he  had 
offered  his  team  for  three  hundred  dollars.  He 
said  he  didn't  think  he  would  care  to  let  the  team 
go  and  take  it  all  in  County  rights  ;  but  he  would 
take  two  counties  and  four  hundred  dollars  in  cash. 

I  looked  the  horses  over,  and  liked  them  first 
rate  ;  and  thought  they  would  make  a  fine  pair 
on  the  road.  I  then  said :  "  Brother  Long,  I  am 
anxious  to  get  you  interested  in  this  invention, 
and  I'll  make  you  an  offer,  although  I  may  not 
be  able  to  carry  out  my  part  of  the  contract :  but 
if  I  don't,  you  will  be  one  county  ahead  anyway. 


l62  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUSXlNG. 

He  asked  what  my  proposition  would  bf..  I 
told  him  I  '^ould  give  him  Sandusky  Count}^  and 
four  hundred  d  hilars,  provided  I  could  induce  Mr. 
Warner,  the  in  'entor,  to  advance  that  amount. 
And  as  evidence  of  my  good  faith  and  to  bind  the 
bargain,  I  would  deed  him  the  County  then  and 
there,  and  he  was  to  keep  the  team  till  the  fif- 
teenth of  the  next  month,  when,  if  I  d^'dn't  take 
them  and  pay  over  the  four  hundred  dollars,  we 
would  forfeit  the  County.  He  said  that  was  per- 
fectly satisfactory.  Before  leaving  him  I  re- 
marked that  I  felt  certain  that  just  as  soon  as  he 
saw  what  a  good  thing  he  had,  he  would  gladly 
take  County  rights  for  the  balance  due  on  the 
horses. 

He  said  :  "  Possibly." 

He  commenced  operations  at  once.  In  a  very 
few  days  he  came  rushing  up  to  Mr.  Keefer's 
house,  and  with  much  excitement  demanded  a 
deed  for  four  more  counties.  I  made  it  out  foi 
him,  and  asked  if  he  wanted  to  pay  currency  or 
give  a  check  for  it . " 

"  O,  no,"  he  said  ;  "  Neither.  I  wa.  to  sell 
them  to  a  customer  of  mine,  and  then  I'll  bring 
you  the  money." 

I  informed  him  that  sue"*    '   "        eding  would 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'UNG.  >  163 

be  contrary  to  my  orders  and  custom  of  doing 
business. 

He  then  suggested  that  I  take  the  horses  and 
give  him  the  deed,  as  I  had  bargained  for  them 
anyhow. 

I  agreed  to  this,  and  he  delivered  them  to  me 
on  presentation  of  the  deed. 

As  he  left  the  house  he  smiled  triumphantly, 
and  holding  up  the  deed,  said:  "I'll  clear  just 
five  hundred  dollars  on  this !" 

I  enjoyed  a  few  rides,  and  was  about  to  trade 
for  a  carriage  and  harness,  when  one  evening  a 
day  oi-  two  after  our  deal,  I  came  into  the  dining 
room  from  the  back  door  of  Mr.  Keefer's  house, 
and  heard  the  sound  of  a  familiar  voice  issuing 
from  the  sitting-room.  It  said  :  "  Sister  Keefer, 
I  have  made  a  great  mistake.  Will  you  induce 
your  son  to  trade  back  ?" 

I  stepped  inside,  and  Brother  Long  came  for- 
ward in  his  usual  solemn,  prayerful  manner,  and 
taking  me  by  the  hand,  said :  "  Brother  Johnston, 
may  the  Lord  have  mercy  upon  us." 

I  said  :  ''  Amen,  Brother  Long ;  what  can  I  do 
for  you  ?  How  many  counties  do  you  want  this 
time  ?" 

'"  My  dear  young  orother,  I  have  more  counties 
-hau  I  neecl.  more  tl;-''  T  ^^^-^  ^ise' 


164  TWENTY    YEARS    UF    HUSTLING. 

"  But,"  I  said,  "  you  haven't  any  more  than 
you  bargained  for." 

"  Indeed,  Brother  Johnston,  I  can  never  sell  il 
all.  Will  3'ou  please  trade  back  ?  This  is  my 
first  experience  in  the  patent-right  business,  and 
pray  to  the  Lord  it  shall  be  the  last." 

I  asked  what  had  become  of  his  customer,  and 
inquired  his  name. 

Brother  Long  went  on  then  to  explain  how  an 
Irishman,  living  neighbor  to  him,  had  called  at 
his  house  and,  after  seeing  the  model,  went  half 
crazy  over  it,  and  wanted  to  buy  ten  counties. 
He  agreed  to  pay  in  the  neighborhood  of  a  thou- 
sand dollars,  and  in  his  enthusiasm  made  a  de- 
posit of  "  tin  dollars,  as  ividence  of  me  good  faith." 
On  the  strength  of  that  sale  he  had  made  the 
trade. 

"  Well,  Great  Heavens !"  said  I,  "  aren't  you 
satisfied  with  five  or  six  hundred  dollars  profit, 
on  a  little  deal  like  that  ?" 

"  Yes,"  he  answered  ;  "  had  I  sold  the  countiei= 
the  profits  would  have  suited  all  right." 

"  But  you  just  told  me  you  had  sold  them,  and' 
the  Irishman  had  deposited  ten  dollars  to  bind 
the  bargain." 

"True,  he  did,"  said   brother  Long,  "but  he 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUS'LING.  165 

came  back  the  next  day  after  I  had  traded,  and 
said :  '  A  divil  a  bit  of  a  county  can  I  take  at  all, 
at  all.  Me  old  wife  threatens  to  scald  me,  if  I 
bring  even  one  county  into  the  house  !'" 

"  Well,  but  you  kept  his  ten  dollars,  didn't 
you  ?" 

"  Of  course  I  did,"  he  yelled  out. 

"  Well,  then,  you  ought  to  be  satisfied,"  I  ven- 
tured to  remark. 

"  What !    Satisfied  with  tendollars  ?" 

"  Yes  ;  with  all  these  County  rights  besides." 

"  Brother  Johnston,"  said  he,  "will  you  trade 
back,  and  give  me  the  team  for  the  counties  ?" 

I  answered :  "  I  am  not  trading  for  territory, 
Brother  Long.     I  am  selling  it." 

About  this  time  the  greater  portion  of  Brother 
Long's  family  appeared  on  the  scene,  and  were 
re-inforced  by  my  mother  in  their  entreaties  to 
me  to  trade  back.  She  said  it  was  too  bad  for 
Brother  Long,  and  I  must  do  it, 

Mr.  Keefer  said  :  "  It  did  beat  the  d 1 !" 

I  then  told  Brother  Long  that  I  was  like  him 
in  this  respect,  that  I  wasn't  doing  business  ex- 
clusively for  glory ;  and  that  a  few  dollars,  jur.t 
at  that  stage  of  the  game,  would  be  a  matter  ol 
great  consideration  with  me. 


1 66  TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUSTLING. 

He  then  offered  me  two  dollars  if  I  would 
trade  back. 

"Well,  Brother  Ivong,"  said  I,  "you  begin  to 
talk  now  as  I  want  to  hear  you,  except  that  your 
figures  are  a  little  below  my  idea  of  a  fair  com- 
pensation for  my  trouble." 

He  then  anxiously  inquired  what  my  ideas 
were  of  what  would  be  right. 

*'  About  one  hundred  and  fifty  dollars,"  I  ans- 
wered. 

"O,  Heavens!  what  shall  I  do?  Sister Keefer, 
what  shall  I  do  ?  Shall  we  engage  in  prayer  -* 
What  shall  I  do  ?     What  shall  I  do  ?" 

Then  they  surrounded  me,  and  made  a  general 
clamor  for  a  compromise. 

I  dropped  to  a  hundred  dollars. 

He  offered  twenty-five. 

I  fell  to  seventy-five. 

He  offered  to  split  the  difference,  and  he  to  re- 
turn all  the  territory  except  one  county. 

After  thinking  the  matter  all  over,  and  consid- 
ering that  he  was  a  nice  old  gentleman  and  a 
Methodist  brother,  I  concluded  to  trade  back. 

A  few  days  later  Brother  Long  and  I  met  in 
the  Post-office  just  when  the  mail  was  being  dis- 
tributed, and  the  place  crowded.     We  were  the 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'LING.  1 67 

He  smiled  grimly  at  me,  and  while  passing  by 
said :  "  The  fools  are  not  all  dead  yet,  are  they, 
Johnston  ?" 

"  No,  Brother  Long,''  I  answered  ;  "  and  there 
is  no  fool  like  an  old  fool." 

About  three  weeks  later  I  started  on  a  tour 
through  Ohio,  making  several  agents  and  selling 
a  few  Township  and  County  rights. 

Another  little  experience  with  a  Methodist  dea- 
con will  come  in  here,  and  I  will  tell  it.  He  was 
a  farmer,  living  a  few  miles  south  of  Marion, 
Ohio. 

I  had  hired  a  rig,  in  the  above  town,  to  drive 
into  the  country  to  meet  a  gentleman  with  whom 
[  had  previously  made  an  engagement.  When 
i.mr  business  was  finished  and  I  was  about  to 
leave,  he  bantered  me  to  call  on  his  neighbor. 

Deacon ,  who  had  a  notorious  reputation 

for  his  hatred  of  agents  and  peddlers. 

As  I  always  considered  it  good  practice  to  meet 
such  men,  I  was  glad  of  the  ehance  to  make  this 
particular  visit.  I  reached  the  house  just  as  the 
deacon  and  his  sons  came  in  for  dinner. 

I  hitched  my  horse,  and  when  about  to  pass 
through  the  gate  the  front  door  opened,  and  the 
man'^  voice,  -t  its  highest  pitch,  shouted  out: 


1 68  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    H US  LING. 

"  Stop  right  where  3^011   are  sir.     Stop ;  stop,  1 
tell  you.     Stop !" 

I  put  my  hand  to  my  eai ,  as  if  hard  of  hearing, 
and  imitating  as  nearly  as  I  could  the  tone  pe- 
culiar to  deaf  persons,  said  :  "  No,  no,  thank  you ;; 
1  don't  care  to  put  my  horse  out.  I  can  feed  her 
after  I  get  to  Marion.  No,  no  ;  never  mind  ;  just' 
as  much  obliged."  By  this  time  I  had  reached 
the  doer,  and  passed  directly  inside. 
I  had  the  floor. 

And  I  did  all  the  talking  for  the  first  half 
hour. 

The  old  gentleman  concluded  chat  I  was  an 
exception  to  the  general  run  of  agents.  He  then 
began  talking  religion,  as  soon  is  I  quit  talking 
Patent  rights.  He  said  I  ought  to  make  my 
peace  with  God  ;  and  when  I  replied  that  God  and 
I  had  always  been  on  splendid  term§,  he  became 
almost  frantic,  and  said  that  I  was  worse  than 
any  lightning-rod  agent,  and  added  that  there 
never  was  an  agent  of  any  kind  who  ever  pre- 
tended to  tell  the  truth,  and  he  wouldn't  believe 
any  of  them  under  oath.  I  then  said  I  wouldn't 
expect  him  to  believe  my  statements,  so  would 
leave  the  question  entirely  with  him  and  his  sons 
whether  they  would  deal  or  not.  '^hev  sor>^  be- 
gan talking  business 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUS'LING.  169 

I  figured  on  paper,  and  showed  how  one  son 
could  make  more  money  in  a  single  year,  with 
one  Counter  light,  than  they  could  all  make  on 
the  farm  in  two  years. 

My  price  for  the  County  was  one  hundred  dol- 
lars. 

^Th'ey  proposed  to  give  fifty,  and  I  offered  to  split 
the  difference  and  t^ke  seventy-five. 

This  v^as  satisfactory,  provided  I  would  take 
half  cash,  and  a  note  for  the  balance  payable  in 
one  year.  I  agreed  to  it,  if  the  old  gentleman 
would  go  to  Marion  with  me  and  help  negotiate 
the  note. 

He  said  he  had  got  to  go  to  town  anyhow,  and 
would  ride  with  me ;  and  the  boys  could  drive 
over  after  him  that  evening. 

After  making  out  the  necessary  papers  and 
receiving  my  cash,  we  started  on  the  turn-pike 
road  towards  Marion, 

While  riding  along,  the  old  gentleman  gave 
nie  some  very  wholesome  advice,  saying  he  didn't 
do  it  because  he  really  thought  me  to  be  a  very 
bad  fellow,  but  he  wanted  to  see  every  young 
man  grow  up  to  be  truthful,  moral,  honorable 
and  upright  T  thanked  him,  and  told  him  I  be 
iieved  he  was  a  raightv  nic«^  man.  He  sa:d  thaa 
«r%s  tiie  repn{<»tkr  eabouts 


I70  TWENTY    VE/^RS   OF    HIIS'LING 

While  driving  leisurely  along,  conversing  on 
different  topics,  we  came  to  a  blacksmith's  shop  on 
a  three-comers,  and  the  old  gentleman  remarked 
that  when  we  came  to  the  toll-gate,  if  I  would 
tell  the  old  lady  gate-keeper  that  I  came  in  at 
that  shop,  I  could  save  some  toll ;  adding,  that 
she  needn't  know  but  I  picked  him  up  somewhepe 
on  the  road. 

"Yes,  that's  so,"  I  answered.  ''That's  a 
mighty  good  scheme." 

He  seemed  to  feel  highly  elated  at  suggesting 
such  a  brilliant  idea. 

As  we  were  approaching  the  toll-gate,  I  said  : 
"  I  wish  you  would  pa}'  ni}''  toll,  and  when  we  get 
to  town  I  will  get  some  change  and  hand  it  back 
to  you." 

When  we  stopped  at  the  gate  he  asked  :  "  How 
much  ?" 

The  old  lady  says :  "  How  far  have  j^ou  come 
on  the  pike  ?" 

He  turned  to  me  as  if  expecting  me  to  answer  \^ 
but  I  was  suddenl}'  taken  with  a  severe  fit  of 
coughing. 

The  deacon  said  :  "  This  gentleman  came  in 
at  the  blacksmith  shop." 

"  Foi  "  said  the  gate-keeper.    We  drove 


rWKNTY    YEARS  OF   HUS*UNG.  171 

on,  and  when  I  began  to  laugh  he  asked  what 
was  up. 

"Well,  I'll  tell  you;  I  was  just  laughing  to 
think  how  much  more  I  am  like  Jim  Fisk  than 
you  are." 

"  How  so  ?" 

"  Well,  sir,  I  might  possibly  tell  eight  lies  for 
a  dollar,  but  I  wouldn't  tell  one  for  a  shilling." 

He  seemed  much  chagrined,  when  I  put  the 
matter  before  him  as  I  did.  He  said,  in  explan- 
ation^ that  he  never  believed  in  toll-gates,  anyhow, 
had  always  advocated  free  turn-pikes,  and  thought 
it  little  harm  to  economize  at  their  expense. 

After  discounting  his  note  at  the  bank,  I  re- 
turned home  to  see  how  "  the  boy"  was  getting 
on 

A  few  days  later  I  took  the  agency  for  another 
Patent,  and  gave  up  the  dropper,  which  was  too 
hard  to  sell.  An  acquaintance  joined  me,  when 
we  started  on  what  proved  to  be  a  red-hot  Patent- 
right  campaign,  and  with  the  usual  results  of  all 
Patent-right  schemes. 

When  ready  for  a  start,  we  had  just  about 
money  enough  to  pay  our  expenses  to  Napoleon, 
Ohio,  where  we  had  decided  to  go.  On  arriving 
there  we  took  quarters  at  a  first-class  hotel,  and 


•ji  vwENiy  ysars  of  husung. 

began  ''  hus'ling  "  to  find  a  customer.  When  we 
had  been  there  about  ten  days,  the  landlord,  a 
very-pleasant  little  gentleman,  called  my  partner 
one  side,  and  said  he  guessed  he  would  have  tv 
ask  us  for  a  little  money. 

"Well,"  said  Frank,  "all  right,  sir;  all  right, 
sir.  Make  out  your  cussed  old  bill.  I  am  not 
in  the  habit  of  being  asked  for  money  before  I 
am  ready  to  leave.  However,  you  can  make  out 
your  bill,  and  receipt  it  in  full,  sir !" 

"  Oh,  no,  no !"  he  remonstrated  ;  "  I'll  do  noth- 
ing of  the  kind,  sir.  It  was  not  my  intention  to 
insult  you.  Let  it  go.  Let  it  go.  It's  all  right 
I  meant  nothing  out  of  the  way." 

Frank  cooled  down ;  and  as  he  passed  by  me 
ejaid,  ^<?//(?  voce:  "I  guess  we  can  stay  all  summer 
now,  if  we  want  to." 

While  at  Napoleon,  we  had  been  in  corres- 
pondence with  several  parties  in  dififerent  towns, 
who  were  known  to  me  as  traders.  After  spend- 
ing two  weeks  there,  we  received  a  letter  request- 
ing us  to  visit  a  neighboring  town,  where  there 
was  a  prospect  for  a  good  trade.  We  had  suc- 
ceeded in  selling  one  Township  right,  which 
brought  us  cash  enough  for  incidental  expenses. 

Hence  we  were  unable  ^o  pav  nnr  hotel   hill, 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF  HUS'LING.  173 

and  as  the  landlord  was  not  in  the  office  when  we 
were  ready  to  go,  we  simply  left  a  note  sajdng 
we  would  return  later. 

We  were  gone  two  weeks,  barely  paying  ex- 
(penses,  and  returned  to  Napoleon.  Rushing  into 
the  hotel  office,  we  grasped  the  landlord  by  both 
hands,  saying :  "  Did. you  think  we  had  jumped 
our  board  bill,  landlord  ?" 

"  Well,  by  golly,  I  didn't  know  what  to  think 
of  it." 

"  Oh,  pshaw !  You  ought  t-^  know  us  by  this 
time.  How  are  the  nice  cream  biscuit  ?  Sup 
pose  you've  got  some  for  tea,  haven't  you  ? 
Guess  we'll  wash.  Put  us  down  for  a  good 
room,  landlord.     How  are  the  folks,  landlord  ?" 

He  said  he  had  thought  all  the  time  we  would 
turn  up  again,  some  day.  We  then  explained 
the  nature  of  our  business,  and  told  him  he 
needn't  be  surprised  if  we  left  suddenly  at  any 
time ;  but  he  could  always  look  for  us  back,  soon- 
er or  later.  We  remained  two  weeks  longer,  with 
about  the  same  success  that  had  attended  us  be- 
fore. 

One  day  the  landlord  pulled  a  chair  up  by  me, 
m  the  office,  and  said  very  mildly  and  pleasantly, 

"  Mr.  Johnston,  I  have  never  yet  asked  you  fot 
mouev,  and- 


174  TWENTY   YEARS  OF  HUS'LING. 

"  No,"  I  quickly  interrupted,  "  you  never  have, 
and  I  certain!}^  respect  you  for  it.  If  there  is  any- 
thing on  this  earth  I  dislike,  it  is  a  penurious, 
suspicious,  narrow-minded  landlord — always  dun- 
ning his  guests,  and  treating  them  like  tramps. 
And  I'd  leave  a  man's  house  as  soon  as  I  could 
settle  up  and  get  out,  if  I.  was  ever  dunned  by 
him." 

"  Well,  I  was  going  to  say,  I  never  make  a 
practice  of  dunning  gentlemen  who  stop  with  me, 
and " 

"Well,  that's  right,  landlord,  that's  right, 
and  you'll  make  friends,  in  the  long  run,  by  not 
doing  so.  When  I  get  ready  to  quit  a  hotel  for 
good,  I've  got  sense  enough  cO  ask  for  my  bill, 
and  then  settle  in  full — and  that  is  all  anj^one 
can  ask  for.  How  about  the  cream  biscuit  for 
supper,  landlord  ?" 

He  said  he  guessed  they  were  going  to  have 
some  ;  and  then  asked  how  business  was,  an}'- 
way. 

I  told  him  our  business  had  almost  frightened  us. 

He  said  that  was  good. 

Frank,  who  was  sitting  behind  the  stove  listen' 
ing  to  the  conversation,  said,  as  I  passed  by  him 
a  moment  later:  "  I  guess  he'll  lay  still  now  " 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF  HUS'LING.  1 75 

About  this  time  we  received  a  letter  from  a  sew- 
ing-machine agent  at  Hicksville,  saying  he  would 
trade  a  machine  for  a  County  right.  We  left 
forthwith,  without  even  bidding  the  landlord 
good-bye. 

It  took  us  four  days  to  trade  for  the  machine, 
and  money  enough  to  pay  our  expenses  for  that 
time. 

We  shipped  the  machine  to  Napoleon,  and  re- 
turned there  ourselves  on  the  first  train.  When 
we  entered  the  hotel,  we  both  rushed  for  the  pro- 
prietor, saying,  as  we  grasped  his  hands : 

"  How  are  you,  landlord  ?  How  is  everything  ? 
Did  you  think  we  had  left  for  good,  landlord  ? 
Hope  you  didn't  think  we  had  jumped  our  board- 
bill  ?  Guess  we'll  take  a  wash.  Put ,  us  down 
for  a  good  room,  landlord.  How  are  the  cream 
biscuit?  Suppose  we'll  have  some  for  supper. 
How  are  all  the  folks  ?" 

He  looked  a  little  woe-begone,  and  said  he  was 
glad  to  see  us  back ;  and  he  knew  we  would  turn 
up  soon. 

The  next  morning  we  had  the  sewing-machine 
set  up  in  the  hotel  office.  This  seemed  to  con- 
sole the  landlord  somewhat,  as  it  was  a  bran  new 

machine. 
1? 


176  TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'UNG 

However,  lie  appeared  crest-fallen,  a  aay  or  two 
later,  when  ^e  sold  it  for  forty  dollars  cash,  and 
pocVe^--'^  fh^  ■mone}'-,  saying  nothing. 

In  a  couple  of  days  we  took  another  sudden 
departure,  for  Brj'an,  Ohio,  where  we  traded  for 
an  old  horse,  harness  and  wagon. 

The  horse  proved  to  be  an  obstreperous,  balky 
thing,  and  as  contrarv  as  a  mule.  I  used  all  of  my 
knowledge  of  horse-training,-  with  no  effect.  One 
day,  just  when  he  had  balked,  we  met  some  boys 
near  a  corn-crib,  on  their  way*  home  from  fish- 
ing. One  of  them  had  a  long  fishing-rod  and  a 
stout  line.  I  gave  him  twenty-five  cents  for  it 
and  asked  him  to  bring  an  ear  of  corn  from  the 
field.  He  did  so,  and  after  tying  the  corn  to  the 
end  of  the  line,  I  held  the  pole  over  the  horse's 
head,  and  let  the  corn  hang  about  two  feet  from 
his  nose.  He  started  right  off,  and  we  had  no 
further  difficulty  in  persuading  him  to  go. 

If  we  failed  to  hold  the  corn  in  plain  sight  he 
would  stop  at  once. 

We  hacked  around  over  the  country,  first  one 
holding  the  pole  and  then  the  other,  becoming  so 
accustomed  to  it  that  we  often  wondered  what 
people  were  laughing  at,  as  we  passed  them. 

In  a  few  da3>s  we   arrived  at  Napoleon,  drove 


LIBRARY 
UNIVERSITY  OF  iLUMCli> 


TWENTY    VKARS  OP   HUSXING.  179 

up  in  front  of  the  hotel,  jumped  out,  ordered  oui 
horse  put  out,  rushed  in,  grabbed  the  proprietor 
by  the  hands,  with — "How  are  you,  landlord? 
kDid  you  think  we  had  jumped  our  board  bill  this 
time  ?  How  are  the  folks  ?  Guess  we'll  take  a 
^wash.  Put  us  down  for  a  good  room,  landlord. 
Any  cream  biscuit  for  supper  to-night  ?" 

He  said :  "  By  gol,  I  didn't  hardly  know  what 
to  think  of  it,  this  time ;  but  I  thought  perhaps 
you  would  turn  up,  after  a  while." 

He  seemed  delighted  that  we  had  brought  a 
horse  and  wagon  with  us,  and  we  tried  to  sell  it  to 
him.  He  would  lAve  bought,  only  that  the  fish- 
pole-and-corn  scheme  had  to  be  kept  up,  to  make 
the  horse  go. 

After  about  three  days  we  again  left ;  and  th^n 
succeeded  in  making  a  very  fair  trade,  coming 
into  possession  of  a  handsome  pair  of  horses,  har- 
ness and  carriage,  and  two  hundred  and  fifty  dol- 
lars in  cash,  for  six  County  rights. 

We  then  traded  the  old  horse  for  a  small  pony, 
which  we  sold  for  twenty  dollars,  an'^  started  for 
Napoleon,  arriving  there  after  an  absence  of  about 
ten  days. 

We  drove  up  to  the  hotel,  oidered  our  horses 
put  out,  rushed  in  as  usual,  took  the  proj 
by  the  harn^.  nti*^ 


l8o  TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'LING. 

"  You  just  about  thought  we  had  quit  you  fbi 
good,  this  time,  didn't  you  ?  Guess  we'll  take  a 
wash,  landlord.  Put  us  down  for  a  good  room. 
How  about  the  cream  biscuit  ?  Folks  all  well  ? 
Landlord,  did  you  notice  our  team  ?  It's  the 
finest  in  the  land.  Have  'em  taken  good  care  of. 
By  Jove !  We're  glad  to  get  home  once  more. 
You're  looking  fine,  landlord.     Have  a  cigar  ?" 

He  put  on  a  sickly  smile,  and  after  lighting  a 
cigar,  said  he  knew  we  would  come  back  ;  and 
asked  how  our  business  was. 

We  told  him  it  had  been  a  little  slack,  on  ac- 
count of  its  being  so  hard  tcf  get  money.  We 
staid  there  a  week  longer,  and  tried  every  con- 
ceivable plan  to  force  the  landlord  to  ask  us  for 
money,  but  he  never  mentioned  it  during  our 
stay.  We  sold  our  team  and  carriage  for  three 
hundred  dollars  cash,  and  put  the  money  in  our 
pockets,  without  ever  mentioning  our  hotel  bill, 
or  acting  as  though  we  considered  ourselves  his 
debtors. 

Then  we  made  returns  to  the  patentees  for 
their  share  of  the  profits  on  the  sales  we  had 
made. 

The  landlord  proved  himself  the  *'  sort  of  met- 
tle "  for  our  business ;  and  nt  Inst  otic  dny  T  step- 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'LING.  i8i 

ped  up  to  him,  reached  out  my  hand,  and  said ; 
"  Well,  landlord,  I  guess  we'll  have  to  leave  you 
for  good." 

He  shook  my  hand  warmly,  but  looked  uneasv 
and  bewildered. 

He  talked,  undertaking  to  let  his  conversation 
drift  towards  the  matter  of  our  indebtedness.  Fi- 
nally I  got  the  floor,  and  talked  at  lightning 
speod,  paying  him  so  many  compliments,  in  the 
presence  of  his  guests,  that  he  was  completely 
nonplussed,  and  at  a  loss  to  know  how  to  act. 

Suddenly,  seeming  to  realize  that  something 
of  much  importance  had  escaped  my  memory,  I 
said :  "  By  the  way,  landlord,  we  haven't  settled 
our  bill,  yet.  How  much  do  we  owe  you  ?  Make 
out  the  bill.     Mighty  lucky  I  thought  of  it." 

"  By  gracious,  that's  so !  That's  a  fact.  You 
haven't  paid  your  bill  yet,  have  you  ?  Oh,  well, 
I  knew  it  would  be  all  right,  anyhow." 

After  paying  up  in  full,  we  received  loud 
praise  from  him,  and  his  assurance  that  the  best 
his  house  afforded  would  never  be  too  good  for  usy 
whenever  we  saw  fit  to  stop  with  him  ;  and  said 
if  we  would  stay  a  week  longer  he  would  have 
^ream  biscuit  every  meal. 


l82  TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'LING. 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

OUK  TRIP  THROUGH  INDIANA — HOW  I  FOOLED  n 
TELEGRAPH  OPERATOR — THE  OLD  LANDLORD 
SENDS  RECIPE  FOR  CREAM  BISCUIT — OTTR  RE- 
'^URN  TO  OHIO — BECOMING  AGENTS  '  .  A 
NEW  PATENT — OUR  VALISE  STOLEN— RE- 
TURN TO  FT.  WAYNE — WAITING  SIX  WEEKS 
FOR  PATENT-RIGHT  PAPERS — BUSTED — f  I  AV- 
ING  OFF  THE  WASHERWOMAN  FOR  FFt/E 
WEEKS — "the  kid"  and  '  DE  EXCHANGE 
act' — HOW  THE  LAUNDRY  WOMAN  GOT 
EVEN  WITH  US-^THE  LANDLORD  ON  THE 
BORROW — HOW  WE  BORROWED  OF  HIM^— RE- 
PLENISHING OUR  WARDROBE — PAYING  UP 
THE  HOTEL  BILL. 

We  then  made  a  trip  through  Indiana,  and 
met  with  virtually  no  success  at  all ;  and  very 
soon  paid  out  almost  our .  last  dollar  for  actual 
expenses. 

One  day  we  had  occasion  to  go  to  a  small  sta- 
tion to  take  the  cars  for  Fort  Wayne,  when  the 
telegraph  operator  left  his  office  for  a  few  minutes 
to  go  after  the  mail  , 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'UNG.  1 83 

I  stepped  to  the  instrument,  called  the  Toledo 
office,  and  sent  a  message  to  our  late  landlord  at 
Napoleon,  as  follows : 

"  Send  to  my  partner  and  me  two  4ozen  cream 
biscuit  to  Fort  Wayne,  express  prepaid.  We 
need  them." 

After  checking  the  message  dead  head^  signed 
my  name,  and  returned  to  the  waiting-room. 

When  the  operator  returned,  the  Toledo  office, 
whose  duty  it  was  to  transfer  the  message  to  Na- 
poleon, called  him  up  and  asked  who  Johnston 
was  ;  and  wanted  to  know  further,  why  his  mes- 
sage should  be  dead-headed.  The  operator  an- 
swered that  he  knew  nothing  about  it,  and  didn't 
think  it  was  his  business  to  inquire  into  other- 
people's  affairs.  They  told  him  he  had  better 
wake  up  and  know  what  he  was  doing ;  and  said 
it  was  his  duty  to  collect  pay  for  messages,  and 
not  send  them  for  nothing.  I  listened  attentively 
to  what  passed '  between  them ;  but  finally  our 
jside  won  by  his  saying  that  he  wanted  them  to 
junderstand  he  was  running  that  office  himself, 
and  needed  no  advice. 

The  next  day  after  reaching  Fort  Wayne,  we 
received  a  letter  from  the  landlord,  in,  which  he 
stated  that  it  would  be  impossible  for  him  to  send 


f84  rWENTV    /fiAXb  o^  ausxiKG. 

cream  biscuit  by  express,  but  said '  "  Please  fico 
enclosed  the  recipe  for  making  them."  We  glad- 
ly accepted  it,  and  often  had  the  pastry  cooks  at 
different  hotels  make  them  for  us,  which  greatlj 
pleased  every  one  else  who  partook  of  them,  be- 
sides ourselves.  Later  on,  I  made  use  of  the  re 
cipe  by  presenting  it  to  m}'  aunt,  Mrs.  Frances 
E.  Owens,  and  it  has  long  been  one  of  the  favor- 
ite recipes  of  Mrs.  Owens'  Cook  Book. 

From  Fort  Wayne  we  went  back  through  Ohio 
and  stopped  at  Findla}',  where,  just  as  we  were 
about  to  close  a  trade,  I  received  a  letter  from  the 
patentee  saying  he  had  bargained  to  sell  out  all 
his  right  to  one  man,  and  requested  me  to  return 
the  papers  at  once,  and  not  to  make  another  salt 
under  any  circumstances. 

I  complied  with  his  request.  The  next  day 
we  met  on  the  streets  of  Findlay  a  gentleman 
having  a  sample  band-cutter — an  attachment  for 
a  two-tined  fork,  to  be  used  when  threshing. 

The  man  who  pitched  the  bundles  from  the 
stack  to  the  machine  cut  the  bands  on  each  bun- 
dle at  the  same  time  he  pitched  them.  This  had 
just  been  patented,  and  he  was  anxious  to  have 
us  take  the  agency  for  the  United  States.  Wc 
concluded  to  do  so,  and  went  to  a  lawyers  (^thc^ 


rvVENTV     YEARS    OK     HUS'UNG.  x8.S 

and  fixed  up  a  Power  of  Attorney  for  the  whole 
United  States  from  him  to  me. 

Profiting  from  my  experience  in  losing  a  good 
sale,  as  just  related,  I  had  the  following  clause 
added  :  "  This  Power  of  Attorney  is  revocable 
upon  thirty  days  notice  from  the  said  patentee." 

The  attorney  then  informed  me  that  according 
to  the  United  States  laws  we  would  be  compelled 
to  have  our  Power  of  Attorney  recorded  at  Wash- 
ington, D.  C.  We  therefore  sent  it  on  for  that 
purpose,  with  instructions  to  the  Recorder  to  mail 
It  to  Fort  Wayne,  Ind.,  as  soon  as  possible. 

On  our  way  back  to  Fort  Wayne  we  stopped  otf 
at  Lima  one  day,  and  at  that  place  had  our  valise 
stolen  from  the  depot.  It  contained  all  the  shirts 
and  collars  and  cuffs  belonging  to  both  of  us,  ex- 
cept  those  we  had  on,  besides  other  articles  o! 
value  to  us. 

This  left  us  in  hard  luck,  as  we  had  only  about 
money  enough  to  buy  each  of  us  another  shirt, 
a  box  of  paper  collars  and  cuffs,  and  some  cheap 
socks  upon  arrival  at  Fort  Wayne. 

It  was  economy  to  wear  paper,  so  as  to  lighten 
our  laundry  bills. 

Another  exceedingly  bad  feature  of  *our  loss 
was  the  absence  of  a  piece  of  baggage  to  helj^ 

■>nvince  the  Inndlo-^'^  ponsibility. 


m6         twenty  years  of  hus  ling. 

However,  we  ventured  to  a  ver>-  respectable 
artel,  wheic  we  engaged  a  first-class  room,  and 
«»^'Uted  patiently  tor  the  return  of  our  Power  of 
Attorney  from  Washington.  The  landlord  was 
a  very  pleasant,  agreeable  gentleman,  quite  suit- 
able, to  our  convenience.  We  made  it  as  pleasant 
as  possible  for  him.  A  stranger  might  easily 
have  mistaken  one  of  ui.  or  the  proprietor  and 
b:m  for  the  guest. 

By  telling  innumerable  good  stories,  and  con 
stantly  reminding  him  of  his  excellent  qualities 
a  s  a  hotel-keeper,  and  the  wdde  reputation  he  bore 
as  such,  we  managed  to  'hold  him  down,"  as  we 
firmed  it,  very  satisfactorily. 

In  the  meantime  we  were  constantly  on  the 
alert  for  some  one  who  would  like  to  speculate, 
so  we  could  make  a  deal  without  delay,  after  the 
arrival  of  our  papers  from  Washington.  After 
being  there  about  three  days,  we  concluded  to 
change  shirts,  which  brought  our  new  ones  into 
requisition.  We  then  sent  the  ones  we  took  off 
to  a  washenvoman,  a  few  doors  away.  These  we 
left  with  her  until  obliged  to  make  another  change. 
When  that  time  came,  three  or  four  days  later, 
»'e  were  kt  our  wits*  end  to  know  how  to  get  pos- 
session of  the  clear   ones,  as  we  were  completely 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'UNG 


UNIV. 


TWENTY    VEARS   Ot    HUS'LiNG,  .  »C, 

We  held  a  (  )nsultation,  and  almost  every  im- 
aginable scheme  suggested  itself.  At  last  we  hrt 
upon  one  that  seemed  feasible. 

A  bright  young  boot-black  frequented  the  ho- 
tel comer,  and  had  taken  quite  a  fancy  to  us,  and 
given  us  an  occasional  complimentary  shine. 

We  asked  him  to  our  room,  and  informing  him- 
ii'ct  we  had  a  great  plot  that  needed  his  assist- 
mce,  we  required  him  to  make  an  oath  never  to 
**give  it  away,"  nor  to  betray  us  in  any  way, 
shape,  form  or  manner.     He  agreed  to  swear. 

I  then  procured  a  Bible  from  the  landlord,  and 
*'  the  kid,"  as  we  called  him,  placed  his  left  hand 
on  the  Book,  and  raised  his  right,  as  I  adminis- 
tered the  oath. 

He  swore  by  all  the  Gods  in  Israel,  and  all  the 
people  in  Indiana,  that  he  would  be  true  to  his 
trust. 

Frank  and  I  then  took  off  our  shirts,  ana  wrap- 
ping them  in  paper,  informed  "  the  kid  "  of  oui 
predicament,  and  of  the  fact  that  we  would  be 
obliged  to  remain  shirtless  in  our  room  while, 
he  took  the  bundle  to  the  washerwoman  and  left 
them  as  security  for  the  laundered,  without  mon- 
ey and  without  price. 

We  gave  him  special  instructions,  just  how  ' 
Jianipulate  matters  in  ^uccessfal 


190  TWENTY    V^EARS   OF    HUS'LiNG 

He  said ;  "  Oh,  what  cher  giv'n  us  ?  non'\ 
yer  s'pose  I  know  how  to  '  fake  de  ole  hen  '  ?" 

He  scampered  off,  and  returned  very  shortly 
with  our  laundry,  when  we  hastened  to  make  our 
toilet  for  the  six  o'clock  dinner. 

We  expected  our  papers  trom  Washington  in- 
side of  ten  days  from  the  time  we  sent  them.  In 
this  we  were  disappointed,  and  were  compelled  to 
use  "  the  kid  "  several  times  to  carr}'-  out  "  de  ex- 
change act "  ''  \\dd  d^  ole  hen,"  as  he  called  it. 

After  repeating  it  several  times,  he  came  in  one 
evening  very  much  excited,  and  said : 

"  Yer  can  bet  yer  life  it  was  by  de  skin  o'  my 
teeth  I  ever  collar'd  der  wash  dis  time.  De  ole 
gal's  gittin'  dead  on,  an'  says  if  de  gemmen  are 
such  big-bugs  dey  better  settle;  but  I  gin'  her  a 
great  song  an'  dance,  an'  squeared  her  up." 

We  asked  if  he  had  any  idea  she  would  stand 
another  deal  of  that  kind. 

"  Yer  can  bet  I'll  fix  'er,"  he  replied. 

Frank  then  said :  "  Well,  3^ou  young  rascal, 
you  can  bet  youd  better  '  fix  'er.'  Don't  you 
ever  be  guilty  of  leaving  the  dirty  shirts  unless 
you  get  the  clean  ones  in  their  stead.  If  you 
ever  come  back  here  without  any  shirts,  I'll  throw 
you  out  this  window,  as  sure  as  you're  a  live  kid ,'' 


TWENTV    YEARS  OF    HUS'LING.  I9J 

The  next  Saturday,  late  in  the  afternoon,  we 
called  "  the  kid  "  in  to  do  "  the  exchange  act " 
again.  We  gave  him  some  special  instructions, 
desiring  him  to  distinctly  understand  that  it 
wouldn't  be  healthy  for  him  10  venture  back  to 
us  without  two  shirts  of  some  kind. 

He  didn't  seem  to  have  the  same  assurance  and 
confidence  as  usual,  but  said  "  he'd  fix  'er."  We 
remained  in  our  room,  sitting  on  the  bed  without 
sliirts  about  the  usual  length  of  time,  when,  "  the 
kid  "  not  returning,  we  began  to  feel  a  little  shaky. 

Directly  the  door  flew  open,  and  in  came  the 
chamber-maid,  and  rushed  to  the  commode  with 
clean  towels.  We  had  forgotten  to  lock  the  door, 
Frank,  with  his  fund  of  ready  wit,  instantly 
jumped  to  the  floor,  and  sang  out :  "  Well,  put  on 
your  gloves  again  ;  I'll  try  you  one  more  round 
before  supper !" 

When  the  door  closed  on  us  we  had  a  good 
laugh,  as  we  had  frequently  indulged  in,  when 
sitting  there  in  that  awkward,  shirtless,  expect- 
ant predicament. 

Our  laugh,  although  hearty,  was  of  short  du« 
ration,  for  we  suddenly  became  serious  and  anx- 
ious about  the  return  of  "  the  kid."  An  hour 
passed  and  no  kid.  and — ^still  worse — no  shirts. 

IS 


i92  l'WENT\    VEARS   Oi^    HUS'LING. 

We  walked  the  floor,  opened  the  door  and 
looked  towards  the  stair-way,  then  raised  the 
window  curtain  and  peeked  out  upon  the  street, 
hoping  to  get  a  glimpse  of  him. 

Another  half  hour  passed,  and  no  "  kid."  \\ \. 
imagined  everything  that  could  have  befallen  him. 

Two  hours  passed ;  another  half  hour — and 
we  had  been  imprisoned  two  hours  and-a-half — 
and  it  was  now  about  supper  time. 

A  few  moments  later  I  opened  the  door,  and 
looking  towards  the  stair-way,  discovered  "  the 
kid,"  leaning  over  the  bannister,  gazing  vacantly 
-*n  the  direction  of  our  room. 

I  yelled : 

*'  Come  here,  kid  I  For  Heaven's  sake,  what's 
up?" 

"  Yer  never'll  git  me  inter  de  room,  ter  be 
pitched  out  de  winder,"  he  replied. 

"  No,  no,"  we  said,  "  come  in  ;  come  in  and 
explain.     We  won't  harm  you.     Come  in." 

He  then  ventured  in,  very  cautiously,  and  ex- 
plained : 

'  Well,  sir  gemmetf,  de  ole  gal  nailed  'em  all. 
spite  of  eb'ry  ting  I  could  do ;  she  got  de  whok 
.shootin'  match,  and  I  didn't  know  whedder  tc 
:ome  back  or  not  " 


TWENTY    YKAkS   OF    HUS'UNG.  193 

"Heavens  and  earth!  Frank;  what  aie  we 
going  to  do  now  ?"  I  asked. 

"  Well,'^  said  he,  "  this  has  been  a  great  scheme 
of  yours.  That's  a  great  head,  yours.  Guess 
we're  stuck  for  good,  this  time." 

"  The  kid  "  said  he  guessed  he'd  have  to  go  to 
supper. 

We  told. him  we  guessed  he'd  not  go  to  supper 
till  he  got  us  out  of  that  shirt  scrape.  "  Remem- 
ber your  oath,  you  young  hyena,"  I  said. 

He  answered  :  "  That's  so  ;  guess  I'll  have  to 
go  without  my  supper,  to-night." 

At  last,  after  many  schemes  had  been  devised 
and  rejected,  we  hit  upon  one  that  helped  us  out. 
We  demanded  of  "  the  kid  "  that  he  take  ofif  his 
shirt ;  and  after  donning  his  coat  and  vest,  in- 
structed him  to  throw  back  his  coat-collar,  and 
go  down  street  to  some  fumishing-goods  dealer, 
and  either  beg,  or  buy  on  credit,  a  shirt.  We 
began  telling  him  what  to  say,  when  he  headed 
us  off  with : 

'' Oh,  whatcher  givin'  us?  I  guess  I  know  how 
ter  give  'em  der  stiff,"  and  started. 

He  called  on  several  dealers ;  and  after  giving 
"  De  song  and  dance,"  finally  made  a  raise  of  » 
new  shirt. 


194  TWKNTY    YEARS   OF   HUS'LING. 

We  asked  what  the  man  said  when  he  called 
for  such  a  large  size  ? 

"  Oh,  de  ole  hoosier  neber  tumbled  at  all,  but 
j  ust  planked  'er  out,  and  said :  '  If  yer  eber  git 
any  money,  come  an'  pay  fer  it.'  " 

We  asked  if  he  thought  he  could  manage  to 
get  another  one  in  the  same  way. 

He  said  he  was  afraid  to  tr}^,  because  an  officer 
was  going  to  run  him  in  "  'cause  he  hadn't  any 
shirt  on,  and  looked  so  tough." 

I  then  donned  the  shirt,  also  a  paper  collar  and 
cuffs,  and  went  down  to  supper,  leaving  Frank  to 
silent  meditation. 

Aft'^r  eating,  I  returned  to  the  room,  took  oS 
the  shirt,  and  Frank  put  it  on  and  went  to  sup- 
per, while  I  remained  and.  did  the  meditation  act. 

He  staid  away  more  than  two  hours,  which 
wonied  me  considerably. 

I  wondered  what  upon  earth  had  become  of  him, 
but  felt  certain  he  was  too  true  a  friend  to  abscond 
with  my  half  of  the  shirt. 

Even  if  it  wasn't  paid  for,  I  knew  by  right  thai 
I  owned  half  of  that  shirt. 

When  he  did  return  he  brought  good  news. 

He  had  spent  over  an  hour  with  a  furnishma- 
goods  dealer,  "squaring  him  up"  so  as  txj  bu^ 
vome  things  oi» 


TWENTY    YEARS   OK    liUS'LING.  I95 

When  asked  with  what  luck,  he  answered : 

"Well,  I  ordered  six  shirts,  six  pairs  of  socks, 
two  dozen  linen  collars,  one  dozen  pairs  linen 
cuffs,  and  one  dozen  handkerchiefs,  with  instruc- 
tions to  send  them  to  the  hotel  office,  and  Mr. 
Johnston  would  send  them  a  check  in  a  day  or 
two,"  and  added  that  the  goods  would  be  delivered 
that  evening, 

"  But,  Prank,"  I  said,  "  you  will  get  us  into 
trouble.  How  can  we  fix  the  check  business  ? 
You  know  I  can't  send  them  one.  It'll  make  us 
trouble,  sure." 

"  Very  well,  it  can't  make  us  an^^  worse  trouble 
than  we  are  having.  As  for  myself,  I'd  rather  go  to 
jail  with  a  shirt  on,  than  to  sit  here  in  this  dingy, 
gloomy  old  room  half  of  my  time  mthout  any." 

"  Yes,"  I  said,  "  that's  so.  I'd  rather  go  on  the 
chain-gang  for  thirty  days,  than  go  through  an- 
other such  an  ordeal  as  this." 

The  goods  were  not  sent  as  promised,  and  we 
spent  a  very  restless  night. 

I  dreamed  of  arriving  horue  without  any  shirt 
on,  and  in  my  dream  heard  my  mother's  voice 
saying :  "  Well,  I  am  really  glad  you  reached 
home  with  your  pants  on,"  while  Mr.  Keefei 
remarked  :  "  It  does  beat  the  d 1 !" 


196  TWENTY    YKARS  (*P    HUS'UNG. 

Frank  dreamed  he  was  in  attendance  at  a  swell 
entertainment,  and  suddenly  discovered  the  ab- 
sence of  his  shirt. 

I  insisted  that  Frank  should  not  sleep  in  the 
shirt,  in  order  to  keep  it  clean  as  long  as  possible, 
and  to  keep  peace  he  laid  it  off  when  retiring. 
In  the  morning  I  was  the  first  one  up,  and  pro- 
ceeded to  put  it  on. 

As  I  was  passing  through  the  hall  on  my  way 
to  breakfast,  I  met  the  chambermaid.  She  smiled 
and  asked  if  we  made  a  practice  of  sparring  every 
day. 

I  replied :  "  We  always  take  our  regular  exer- 
cises." 

She  said :  "  How  nice  it  is  to  be  rich.  Just  see 
liow  much  pleasure  you  gentlemen  take  in  your 
every-day  amusements,  while  people  like  us  have 
to  work  hard,  and  never  have  any  pleasure." 

I  told  her  that  we  always  had  great  times, 
wherever  we  were.  She  said  she  guessed  thai 
was  so. 

After  breakfast  I  returned  to  the  room,  and  let 
Frank  have  the  shirt  to  wear  to  breakfast ;  aftci 
which  he  came  in  with  a  large  package  contain- 
ing his  order. 

1  lost  no  time  in  getting  into  a  shirt,  and.  in 


TWENTV    YEARS  OF   HUS'LING.  197 

fact,  to  tell  the  truth,  we  each  put  on  three  shirts, 
for  fear  that  some  unforeseen  accident  might  oc- 
cur. I  might  also  add  that  we  resolved  when  we 
put  those  shirts  on,  that  no  outside  one  should 
ever  be  taken  off  unless  it  was  actually  soiled. 

The  old  adage,  "  Misfortunes  never  come  sin- 
gly," was  well  illustrated  in  our  case ;  for  before 
night  I  was  interviewed  by  the  landlord  in  quite 
an  unexpected  manner.  While  standing  near 
the  wash-room  he  came  rushing  up  to  me,  and 
calling  me  to  one  side,  said : 

"Johnston,  1  want  to  ask  a  little  favor  of  you." 

"  Very  well,  landlord ;  I'll  be  glad  to  grant  it, 
if  I  can.     What  is  it  ?" 

"  Well,  I  want  to  ask  you  to  loan  me  twent}'- 
five  dollars  for  just  two  days,  and  I  will " 

"  Well,  landlord,"  I  interrupted,  "  I'd  let  you 
have  it,  but " 

"  Well,  now,  look  here,  Johnston,  don't  think  I 
am  dunning  you, — don't  think  I  am  afraid  of 
you,"  he  hurriedly  explained. 

"  Oh,  no,"  said  I.  "  I  understand  that,  land- 
lord, but  I'll  tell  you  how  it  is  ;  you  see " 

"  Don't  think  I  am  dunning  you,  Johnston, 
don't  think  that,  for  I'll  hand  it  right  back  to  you 
in  a  day  or  two,"  he  again  assured  me 


I9»  TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'LING. 

"  1 ;  It's  all  right,  landlord,"  I  said,  "  that's  all 
nght.  I  was  going  to  say,  I'd  let  you  have  it  in 
a  minv^te,  if  I  had  it ;  but  I  haven't  got  it." 

"  Well !  how  much  have  you  ?"  He  asked  in  a 
much-surprised  manner. 

"I'll  tell  you  all  about  it,"  I  answered.  "  When 
we  arrived  here,  nearly  six  weeks  ago,  we  had 
about  two  dollars  left,  after  buying  each  of  us  a 
shirt ;  and  I  don't  think  we  have  over  tv/enty 
cents  between  us,  just  at  present." 

He  gazed  at  me  in  silence  for  a  moment,  and 
then  said : 

''  What  on  earth  am  I  going  to  do  ?" 
"  Well,  indeed,  I  don't  know ;  but  perhaps  you 
car),  borrow  it  from  some  friend  of  yours ;  at  an}^ 
rate,  it  won't  do  any  harm  to  try." 

"  No,  but,  I  mean  what  am  I  going  to  do  about 
your  board  bill  ?" 

"  Oh,  I  see.  Oh,  well,  landlord,  you  needn't 
worry  about  that.  We  are  well  pleased  ^\^th 
your  accommodations,  and  haven't  the  slightest 
thought  of  quitting  you." 

"  Yes  ;  but  the  longer  you  stay  the  worse  1  am 
off,"  said  he. 

"  Well,  I  can't  see  how  j^ou  make  that  out. 
The  longer  we  stay  the  more  we  will  owe  you." 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'LING.  1 99 

"  Exactly  so,  and  that's  where  the  trouble  lies." 

"  Well,  the  more  we  owe  you  the  more  you  will 
have  coming,"  I  suggested;  "and  I'll  just  say 
this :  That  we  have  been  traveling  over  a  large 
scope  of  country,  and  yours  is  one  of  the  best  ho- 
tels we  have  ever  stopped  at ;  and  I'll  give  you 
my  word  as  a  gentleman  that  we'll  never  leave 
till  our  bill  is  settled." 

"  But,  —  it !"  He  ejaculated.  "  I  tell  you  the 
longer  you  stay  the  worse  I  am  off,  and  the 
harder  it  will  be  to  settle." 

"  But,"  said  I,  "you  don't  understand  the  na 
ture  of  our  business.  If  you  did  you  would  know 
that  it  would  be  as  easy  for  us  to  pay  a  large  bill 
as  a  small  one."     I  then  added  : 

"  Rest  assured,  landlord,  that  until  this  bill  is 
paid  in  full — one  hundred  cents  on  the  dollar — 
you  can  always  count  on  two  Star  boarders." 

We  then  stared  at  each  other  for  about  two 
minutes,  when  he  began  to  laugh,  and  said : 

"  Well,  you're  a  dandy !  Come  and  take  a 
drink." 

"  No,  thank  you ;  I  never  drink." 

"  Take  a  cigar,  then." 

"  I  never  smoke,  landlord." 

"  "Well,  what  on  earth  do  yor.  do  ?     I'd  like  t( 


20r  TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'LING. 

show  my  appreciation  of  the  style  of  man  you 
are,  by  treating  or  doing  something  to  please 
you." 

"  Then  I'll  tell  you  what  you  can  do,  landlord; 
while  you  are  out  borrowing  the  t^venty-five  dol- 
lars, suppose  you  make  it  about  forty,  and  let  us 
have  the  fifteen  to  settle  up  our  wash  bill,  and 
pay  a  little  bill  we  owe  across  the  road." 

And  to  show  him  the  necessity  of  helping  us 
out,  I  plainly  told  him  the  facts  about  how  we  had 
been  getting  our  laundry,  and  our  experience 
of  the  previous  day. 

He  laughed  till  he  fell  on  the  floor ;  and  then 
took  me  to  his  wife's  apartments  and  asked  me 
to  relate  the  circumstances  to  her  and  two  lady 
friends. 

He  borrowed  the  fifteen  dollars  for  us,  and 
said  we  should  make  ourselves  comfortable,  which 
we  were  glad  to  do.  We  then  relieved  ourselves 
of  the  two  extra  shirts  each,  and  again  settled 
down  to  business. 

Our  papers  at  last  arrived  from  Washington, 
and  we  began  closing  up  a  few  trades  we  had  been 
working  up.  They  were  mostiy  small  ones,  how- 
ever, and  usually  for  collaterals  which  we  were 
obliged  to  convert  into  money  at  a  sacrifice. 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'UNG.  20s 

Finally  we  dealt  for  a  horse  and  carriage, 
which  was  turned  over  to  the  landlord  as  settle- 
ment for  board,  and  which  he  was  just  then  in 
need  of  After  paying  back  the  fifteen  dollars 
'he  had  loaned  us,  we  took  our  departure. 


2Ui  TWENTY    Vfc,AkS  ur    HUSLUMG 


CHAPTR"R  XV. 

OUR  VISIT  TO  LA  GRANGE,  IND. — TRADED  FOR  A 
HORSE — FOLLOWED  BY  AN  OFFICER,  WITH  A 
WRIT  OF  REPLEVIN — PUTTING  HIM  ON  THE 
WRONG  SCENT — HIS  RETURN  TO  THE  HOTEL — 
THE  HORSE  CAPTURED — BROKE  AGAIN — HOW 
I  MADE  A  RAISE. 

Our  next  trade  was  made  near  La  Grange, 
Ind.,  with  a  man  by  tlie  name  of  Dodge.  I  re- 
member the  Oiame  on  account  of  having  read  an 
article  in  a  Sturgis,  Mich.,  paper,  wherein  it 
stated  that  two  patent-right  men  had  recently 
dodged  into  La  Grange,  and  after  dodging  around 
Mr.  Dodge  had  dodged  him  out  of  a  valuable  horse, 
with  which  they  dodged  over  to  Alichigan.  This 
statement  was  perhaps  correct  enough,  with  the 
exception  of  its  reference  to  our  dodging  over  into 
Michigan,  as  though  we  did  it  to  evade  the  Indi- 
ana laws.  This  was  by  no  means  the  case,  for 
we  were  authorized  agents  for  the  patentee,  and 
always  did  a  strictly  legitimate  business,  even  if 
^Kt  were,  at  times,  "  a  little  short  6nancially-** 


TWBNTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'LiNO  10 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUSTLING.  205 

We  took  the  horse  over  to  Sturgis  to  try  and 
sell  him,  stopping  at  the  Elliott  House.  Mr.  El- 
liott, Proprietor,  has  since  become  one  of  my  most 
intimate  friends,  and  is  now  running  a  hotel  at 
Ludington,  Michigan. 

As  we  were  sitting  out  in  front  of  the  Hotel, 
talking,  one  morning,  I  noticed  a -stranger  com- 
ing towards  us,  carrying  a  pitch-fork  and  band- 
cutter  in  one  hand,  and  in  the  other  a  large 
paper. 

Mr.  Elliott  remarked : 

"  There  comes  Mr.  Dodge's  son,  now.  Guess 
^e  is  going  out  peddling  your  patent." 

I  "  supposed  so." 

This  was  not  the  case,  however,  for  as  he  step- 
ped up  to  Mr.  Elliott  he  inquired  for  Johnston, 
and  when  I  was  pointed  out  to  him  he  made  a 
tender  of  the  deed  and  model,  and  demanded  the 
horse  in  turn. 

I  of  course  refused,  whereupon  he  threatened 
to  replevy,  and  at  once  returned  to  his  lawyer's 
office. 

At  that  moment  a  lawyer  came  up  where  we 
v.ere,  and  Mr.  Elliott  helped  me  to  lay  the  case 
before  him  as  quick  I}-  and  plainly  as  possible, 
when  he  advised  that  the  best  way  for  me,  was  to 


?o6 

get  t!ie  norse'dut  of  tBe  county,  tvnere  their  pa- 
pers would  be  of  no  avail.  I  immediately  sad- 
dled the  animal  and  started  towards  Branch 
County,  taking  a  rather  circuitous  route  for  Burr 
'Oak.  I  took  dinner  at  Fawn  River,  with  a  Mr. 
Buck,  an  old  acquaintance  of  my  "  mother-in- 
law.    " 

Of  course  "mother-in-law"  acquaintances  were 
just  as  good  as  any,  at  this  stage  of  the  game. 
I  rode  into  Burr  Oak  just  at  dark,  supposing  it 
to  be  in  Branch  County.  After  registering  at 
the  hotel  and  putting  my  horse  out,  I  took 
supper;  and  then  began  looking  about  for  a 
buyer.  I  very  soon  discovered  that  I  was  being 
shadowed,  by  a  gentleman  wearing  a  wooden  leg. 

Upon  inquiry,  I  learned  that  he  was  the  Hon- 
orable Marshal  of  the  town.  To  tiote  his  man- 
ner one  would  have  thought  th.'it  he  had  corralled 
a  Jesse  James.  I  didn't  wor>v  much,  however, 
because  I  knew  I  could  out-n^u  any  wooden-leg- 
ged man  in  Michigan. 

I  then  went  over  to  the  telegraph  oflSce  and  in- 
troduced myself  to  its  occupant  as  a  brother  ope- 
rator. He  invited  me  inside  the  office,  and  asker? 
me  to  make  myself  at  home. 

A  few  moments  later  the  ten-o'clock  train  ar- 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUS'LING.  207 

rived  from  the  west,  and  immediately  after  its  de- 
parture the  operator  said  he  would  have  to  go 
dow^n  the  track  and  attend  to  his  switch-light, 
and  requested  me  to  remain  there  till  he  returned. 

During  his  absence  a  gentleman  came  to  the 
office  window,  and  very  excitedly  inquired  if  I 
was  the  operator.     I  said : 

''  Don't  I  look  like  one?  What  can  I  do  foi 
you,  sir?" 

"  Well,  see  here :  Has  there  been  a  young  fel- 
low here  this  evening  by  the  name  of  Johnston, 
sending  messages  to  his  wife,  or  to  any  one  else?" 

"  Yes,  sir,  he  was  telling  me  about  a  patent- 
right  trade  he  had  made  for  a  horse.  Guess  he 
told  me  all  about  it." 

"  Where  is  he  now,  I  wonder?"  was  his  next 
query. 

"  Come  with  me.  I'll  show  you  right  where  to 
find  him." 

I  then  led  the  way  up  street,  and  in  the  mean- 
time questioned  him  as  to  his  business.  He  said 
he  wanted  to  serve  a  writ  of  replevin  and  take  the 
horse.  I  then  asked  if  he  had  papers  that  would 
do  for  Branch  County.  He  said  he  didn't  need 
Branch  County  papers,  as  Burr  Oak  was  in  St 
Joseph  County, 


2o8  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'LING. 

This  was  most  depressing  uews  to  me ;  but  i 
walked  along  till  I  came  to  a  street  running 
north,  when  I  stopped,  and  pointing  in  that  di- 
rection, said : 

"  Now  you  go  to  the  very  last  house  on  the 
left-hand  side  of  this  street,  and  inquire  for  John- 
ston. If  they  say  he  isn't  there,  you  force  your 
way  into  the  house.  Don't  leave  till  you  get  in  ; 
and  there's  no  one  here  who  wouldn't  be  only  too 
glad  to  see  that  family  come  up  with  by  a  good 
sharp  detective.  Now  don't  fail  to  get  in,  for 
there  you  will  find  your  man." 

He  thanked  me  several  times,  and  after  shaking 
hands  with  me,  started  on  the  run. 

I  then  hurried  to  the  hotel  and  ordered  my 
horse,  which  the  landlord  refused  to  let  me  have, 
saying  that  notice  had  been  served  on  him  to 
keep  it  locked  up. 

I  sat  down  to  await  the  coming  of  the  great  de- 
tective. 

He  soon  made  his  appearance,  and  more  resem- 
bled a  tramp  than  the  polished  official  of  a  few 
moments  before.  It  was  plainly  evident  to  me 
that  he  had  made  a  desperate  attempt  to  follow 
my  instructions.  One-half  of  the  skirt  of  his 
Prince  Albert  coat  was  entirely'  missing;  no  hat, 


TWiiJSITV    YEAKS  OF    UUS'LING. 


209 


UMVr 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUS'LING.  JIl 

a  piece  torn  from  the  seat  of  his  pants,  only  half 
of  his  linen  collar  left  to  grace  his  neck,  and  a 
single  linen  cuff  to  decorate  his  two  wrists ;  one 
sleeve  of  his  coat  in  rags,  one  of  his  pant  legs 
fringed  out,  the  perspiration  running  off  him  like 
rain-water,  and  one  eye  closed.  He  came  in  pant- 
ing and  puffing  and  roaring  like  a  lion. 

"  Find  me  a  Justice  of  the  Peace,  at  once !  I'll 
aiTest  the  whole  gang  ! " 

"  Arrest  what  gang?  Who  are  you  alluding 
to  ?"  asked  the  landlord. 

"Why,  that  gang  up  north  here.  Ill  arrest 
the  whole  mob,  and  shoot  that  dog  if  I  get 
killed  for  it!" 

'  'Well,  I  supposed  you  were  looking  for  John- 
ston?" 

"Well,  so  I  am;  but  they  have  him  down 
there  stowed  away,  and  a  whole  regiment  of 
soldiers  wouldn't  be  able  to  get  in,  unless  that 
dog  is  put  out  of  the  way.  And  that  pesky 
old  woman  looks  more  like  the  devil  than  % 
human  being.  I  wouldn't  venture  bi^ck  there 
alone  for  the  whole  north  half  of  Michigan  I" 

"  But  isn't  this  the  man  you  want?"  pointing 
to  me. 

**  The  devil,  no.     What  do  I  want  of  the  tele- 


212  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'lING. 

graph  operator?     I  want  Johnston,  but  I'd  give 

more  for  that    old  woman's  scalp  and  that 

dog's  life  than  I  would  for  a  dozen  Johnstons 
and  all  the  horses  in  the  state,  and  I " 

"But,"  interrupted  the  landlord,  "this  isn't 
the  operator ;  this  is  Johnston, — or  at  least,  he's 
the  man  who  rode  the  horse  Jiere." 

"The  dickens  he  is!"  shrieked  the  officer. 
"  This  is  the  man  who  sent  me  up  there,  and  — " 

"  Did  3'ou  get  in  ?"  I  asked,  insinuatingly. 

•  'Get  in  ?  I  want  you  to  understand  this 
is  no  joke,  sir! "said  he,  as  he  came  towards 
Die  in  a  threatening  manner.  "And  if  you're 
Johnston  you  ought  to  have  your  heart  cut 
out.  Look  at  me,  look  at  me,  sir:  Do  you 
think  there  is  anj^thing  funny  about  this  ?" 

"  Well,  I  thought  I'd  give  you  a  little  sharp 
detective  work  to  do  before  capturing  my  horse, 
so  you  would  have  something  wonderful  to  relate 
when  3'ou  arrived  home." 

"  Then  yovi're  the  man  I  want,  are  you  ?" 

"Yes,  sir,  I  suppose  I  am;  but  really,  my 
friend,  I  didn't  suppose  3^ou  were  going  to  lose 
all  your  clothes,  and  get  completel}'  knocked  out 
nnd  so  thoroughly  demoralized.  How  did  it  aU 
happen  ?" 


fWENTV    YEARS   OF   HUS'LING.  il$ 

"  Oh,  you're  too     funny !     It's  none  of 

your    business  laow  it  all  happened.    I'll  get 

even  with  you.  I'm  sorry  I  haven't  a  warrant 
for  your  arrest,  instead  of  a  writ  of  replevin  for  a 
horse,    you !" 

"  See  here ;   don't  you     me,  sir,  or  I'll, 

finish  you  up  right  here, in  less  than  one  minute!" 

He  then  quieted  down,  and  after  serving  the 
writ,  took  possession  of  the  horse,  before  leaving 
for  Sturgis.  However,  he  spent  nearly  an  hour 
in  mending  his  clothes,  patching  up  his  nose  and 
face,  and  dressing  the  slight  flesh-wounds  on  his 
hands  and  arms,  after  which  he  borrowed  a  hat, 
and  as  I  supposed,  returned  to  Sturgis  with  the 
horse. 

I  remained  over  night  at  the  hotel,  although  I 
was  completely  stranded,  and  wondered  what  I 
should  do  to  make  a  raise.  I  realized  fully  that 
I  would  be  obliged  to  lose  several  days'  valuable 
time  were  I  to  remain  there  to  contest  the  owner- 
ship of  the  horse,  as  return  day  had  been  set  six 
days  ahead.  Hence  I  considered  it  folly  to  lose 
so  much  time  for  the  value  of  a  horse. 

The  next  morning  I  arose  early,  and  after 
breakfast  began  to  search  for  an  opportunity  to 
make  a  few  dollars. 


214  TWENTY  YEARS  OF  HUS'LING 

I  happened  into  a  drug  store  and  entering  mm 
conversation  with  the  proprietor  found  him  a 
very  agreeable  gentleman  and  -explained  to  him 
that  I  was  a  "little  short,"  and  inquired  if  he 
had  any  patent  medicines,  pills,  or  anything  in 
that  line  that  a  good  salesman  could  handL^. 
He  replied  that  the  only  thing  he  had  was  atfout 
a  gallon  of  lemon  extract  which  he  had  made 
himself  from  a  recipe  he  had  been  foolish 
enough  to  pay  ten  dollars  for,  and  had  never  yet 
sold  ten  cents'  worth  of  the  stuff. 

I  asked  to  see  it  and  on  tasting  it  found  an  ex- 
cellent article.  I  then  asked  if  he  would  let  me 
take  the  glass  jar  and  a  small  graduate  to  meas- 
ure it  with,  and  he  said  :  "Certainly." 

With  the  flavoring  extract  and  measure  I 
started  for  a  general  canvass,  going  from  house 
to  house  and  introducing  "  The  finest  grade  of 
lemon  extract,  twenty-five  cents  per  ounce,  or 
five  ounces  for  one  dollar." 

Each  purchaser  must  furnish  her  own  bottle 
to  hold  it. 

I  returned  at  noon  -with  seven  dollars  and 
sixty  cents,  when  I  took  the  balance  of  the  dope 
back  to  the  druggist  and  asked  how  much  I  ov»^ 
him.     He  said: 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'LING.  215 

"Well,  I'll  tell  you,  I'd  like  to  sell  the  whole 
of  it  out  to  you.  I'll  take  fifty  cents  and  you 
can  own  all  the  flavoring  extract  there  is  left, 
and  I'll  sell  you  the  jar  and  graduate  cheap  if 
you  want  them." 

"All  right  sir,"  handing  over  the  fifty  cents, 
"  I'll  return  after  dinner  and  try  it  again." 

This  little  experience  about  convinced  me  that 
there  was  more  money  in  that  business  than  in 
patent  rights. 

As  I  was  on  my  way  to  the  hotel  I  met  a  man 
with  a  small  flour-sifter  for  the  sale  of  which  he 
was  acting  as  general  agent  in  appointing 
sub-agents. 

I  asked  his  terms. 

He  said  he  required  each  new  agent  to  buy 
four  hundred  sifters  at  twenty-five  cents  each, 
which  he  could  retail  for  fifty  cents.  Unless  a 
man  could  buy  this  number  he  could  not  have 
the  agency. 

After  dinner  I  started  out  again  with  the  flav- 
oring extract.  At  the  third  house  I  entered,  an 
old  gentleman  asked  if  I  could  get  him  the 
agency  for  it.  He  said  it  wasn't  necessary  for 
him  to  do  anything  of  the  kind,  as  he  owned  a 
nice  home  and  a  small  farm  and  had  some  money 


2l6  TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUS'LING. 

on  interest,  but  he  didn't  like  to  spend  his  time 
in  idleness.  I  told  him  that  our  house  had  no 
vacancies,  but  I  could  intercede  in  his  behalf  in 
making  him  an  agent  for  a  patent  flour-sifter. 

He  asked  what  terms  he  could  make.  I  told 
Jiim  the}^  retailed  for  fifty  cents  each,  but  in 
order  to  secure  the  exclusive  sale  in  his  town  he 
would  have  to  pa}'^  the  regular  retail  price  for  the 
first  four  hundred,  after  which  he  could  have  all 
he  wanted  at  half  that  price. 

He  said  he  wouldn't  care  to  invest  more  than 
one  hundred  dollars  an3'how,  and  expressed  a  de- 
sire to  see  one  of  them. 

"Well,"  said  I,  "  I  am  always  glad  to  do  a  man 
a  favor,  and  I  will  run  down  town  and  bring  one 
up  to  you." 

I  went  Immediately  to  where  the  gentleman 
was  unpacking  his  sifters,  and  asked  if  he  would 
be  willing  to  sell  two  hundred  and  give  the  ex- 
clusive sale. 

He  refused  to  do  so,  and  I  saw  there  was  little 
use  in  trying  to  persuade  him,  when  I  explained 
the  nature  of  my  case. 

He  said  it  wouldn't  pay  him  to  sell  so  few. 

"Then  I'll  tell  you  what  I'll  do,"  said  I.  'You 
:ee  if  T  was  to  sell  two  hundred  at  the  pric^"  T 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'UNG.  217 

have  quoted,  I'd  make  fifty  dollars.  Now  if  you 
will  let  me  make  the  sale  I'll  give  you  half  of 
my  profits." 

He  agreed,  and  I  returned  to  my  victim  and 
put  the  deal  through  in  less  than  an  hour,  and 
pocketed  twenty-five  dollars — my  share  of  the 
profits.  I  then  returned  at  once  to  my  flavoring 
extract  and  sold  over  three  dollars'  worth  that 
afternoon,  making  a  clear  profit  of  thirty-five 
dollars  for  my  day's  work. 

I  then  joined  Frank  at  Sturgis,  and  after  set- 
tling up  our  affairs  there,  he  left  for  Ohio  with 
the  understanding  that  I  would  meet  him  at 
Elmore  three  days  later. 


^^^^^^^^if.^^ 


2l8  TWENTY    iEAKS  Of    HUS'UNG. 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

ARRIVING  AT  ELMORE,  OHIO,  STRANDED — REr 
CEIVING  EIGHT  DOLLARS  ON  A  PATENT- 
RIGHT  SALE — DUNNED  IN  ADVANCE  BY  THE 
LANDLORD  —  CHANGING  HOTELS — MY  VISIT 
TO  FREMONT — MEETING  MR.  KEEPER  AND 
BORROWING  MONEY — OUR  VISIT  TO  FIND- 
LAY —  A  BIG  DEAL — LOSING  MONEY  IN 
WHEAT  —  FOLLOWED  BY  OFFICERS  WITH  A 
WRIT  OF  REPLEVIN — OUTWITTING  THEM- - 
A  FOUR-MILE  CHA«iE — HIDING  OUR  RIG  IN  A 
CELLAR. 

I  Stopped  at  Broivwn,  where  my  \\'ife  and  boy 
were  visiting  her  people  and  in  a  couple  of  da3's 
we  ail  started  for  Blmore,  where  we  arrived  bag 
and  baggage  wiOj'jut  a  cent. 

My  wife  said  she  couldn't  see  why  I  should 
want  her  to  accompany  me  when  I  was  meeting^ 
with  such  poor  success.  I  explained  that  it 
would  possibly  come  very  handy  to  have  her 
Saratoga  trunk  along  occasionally  to  help  satisfy 
fbe  landlords  of  ov^  responsibilitv. 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'UNG.  219 

"O,  1  see  you  want  to  sort  of  pawn  us,  occa 

sionally  for  hotel  bills,  don't  you?'' 

"Well,  yes,"  I  answered,  "it  might  be  con- 
venient to  do  so  should  we  get  cornered." 

She  said  she  didn't  think  she  cared  to  be  de- 
tained for  hotel  bills. 

"Well,  you  wouldn't  see  a  fellow  starve  would 
you?" 

"No,"  she  replied,  "but  if  ever  we  are  pawned 
I  want  you  to  try  and  redeem  us  as  soon  as 
possible." 

We  took  quarters  at  one  of  the  best  hotels, 
and  the  next  day  after  our  arrival  a  young  man 
came  there  selling  ornamental  stove-pipe  hole 
covers  made  of  plaster  of  paris. 

I  made  his  acquaintance  at  once  and  learned 
that  he  was  from  Battle  Creek,  Mich.,  where  his 
father  resided  and  owned  a  good  property. 

I  asked  his  reason  for  engaging  in  that  busi- 
ness. He  said  his  father  suggested  it  so  that  he 
would  gain  experience. 

"Oh,  I  see,  you  are  looking  for  experience." 

"Yes,  that's  what  I  want." 

"Well  sir,"  I  said,  "you  are  in  a  poor  business 
to  get  experience.  You  ought  to  get  into  th*? 
business  I  am  iii  if  yon  want  experience." 


220  TWENTY    VEARS  OF   HUS  UlNG. 

"What  is  your  business?  lie  asked.  I  then 
introduced  my  model  and  explained  its  merits. 

He  said  he  would  like  Calhoun  County,  Mich., 
and  asked  the  price.  I  looked  the  map  over  and 
set  the  price  at  one  hundred  and  fifty  dollars.  He 
said  he  would  like  it,  but  hadn't  money  enough. 

I  asked  how  much  he  had. 

After  counting  what  he  had  he  said  eight  dol- 
lars was  all  he  could  spare. 

"  Well,  I  will  take  the  eight  dollars  and  your 
note  for  one  hundred  and  forty-two  dollars,  paj'-a- 
ble  three  months  after  date." 

He  agreed,  and  I  made  out  the  papers,  receiv- 
ing the  cash  and  note. 

This  amount  of  money,  though  small,  came 
just  in  the  nick  of  time,  because  of  the  Saratoga- 
trunk  scheme  not  proving  a  success.  In  less 
than  one  hour  after  I  had  made  the  deal,  the  land- 
lord asked  me  to  pay  in  advance.  I  immediately 
flew  into  a  rage  and  demanded  him  to  make  out 
my  bill  for  what  w^e  had  had  and  receipt  it  in 
full,  which  he  did,  and  I  paid  it  with  a  flourish 
and  with  the  air  of  a  millionaire  ! 

There  was  another  hotel  just  across  the  street, 
and  when  our  landlord  happened  to  step  out  in 
front  of  his  house  aud  T  noticed  the  landlord  oi 


TWKNT\\VKAkS   Ol-    HUSI,iNG.  221 

the  opposite  house  also  standing  outside  of  his 
door  I  at  once  took  advantage  of  the  situation 
and  began  to  abuse  my  landlord  at  a  terrible  rate 
for  his  impertinence  and  cussed  meanness  and 
gave  him  to  distinctly  understand  that  he  would 
lose  boarders  by  the  means. 

I  then  called  on  the  other  landlord  and  ex- 
plained how  his  competitor  had  shown  his  nar- 
row ideas  of  running  a  hotel  and  how  quickly  he 
secured  his  pay  after  demanding  it  and  then 
asked  if  he  could  give  us  accommodations.  He 
said  he  could,  and  we  moved  at  once. 

The  new  proprietor  proved  to  be  our  kind  of  a 
landlord.  The  next  day  Frank,  who  had  stopped 
off"  at  Toledo,  came  on  and  joined  us. 

We  left  m}^  family  there  and  went  over  to 
Fremont,  where  by  accident  we  met  Mr.  Keefer 
and  my  mother. 

They  asked  how  we  were  progressing. 

I  explained  everything  and  "just  how  it  all 
happened." 

My  mother  said  she  thought  we  had  done 
splendidly.  Mr.  Keefer  said:  "It  did  beat  the 
d ^1." 

I  then  called  him  one  side  and  began  negotia* 
tions  for  a  hundred-dollar  loan 


222  TWENTY     VEARS    OF    jiUS'UNG. 

He  explained  that  he  was  absolutely  hard  up 
but  would  be  glad  to  help  me  if  he  could. 

I  then  reminded  him  that  his  signature  at  the 
bank  would  be  all  that  was  needed. 

"Well,"  said  he,  "I  believe  you  will  come  out 
all  right  some  day,  and  I  guess  I'll  sign  with 
you  if  you  think  you  can  meet  it.'' 

We  stepped  into  the  bank  and  procured  the 
money. 

The  next  da}-  Frank  and  I  went  over  to  Find- 
lay  where  we  met  a  man  selling  a  patent  washing 
machine.  We  there  succeeded  in  ::72ctin5'  a  trade 
in  our  patent,  and  also  found  a  customer  for  a 
large  sale  on  the  washing  machine,  for  which  the 
agent  paid  us  liberally. 

The  two  trades  netted  us  thirteen  hundred  dol- 
lars in  cash  and  a  fine  horse,  harness  and 
carriage. 

We  then  drove  over  to  Elmore,  where  I  had 
left  my  wife  and  boy.  After  leaving  her  money 
enough  to  convince  her  that  she  would  not  be 
pawned  that  w^eek  we  started  the  next  day  east- 
ward, stopping  at  Fremont  for  supper  about  six 
o'clock. 

We  had  traded  the  State  of  Illinois  in  our 
patent  to  a  gentleman  in  the  lightning-rod  busi- 


TWENTY   YEARS   oh    HUS  LING.  '  2?  \ 

ness,  and  that  night  while  walking  up  street  \\  t 
noticed  a  large  crowd  of  men  standing  on  the 
comer  talking. 

We  stepped  across  the  street  to  see  what  the 
excitement  was. 

On  looking  over  the  shoulders  of  the  men  we 
saw  our  customer,  the  lightning-rod  man,  stand- 
ing there  holding  his  pitchfork  in  one  hand  and 
valise  in  the  other.  We  were  about  to  crowd  in 
when  we  heard  him  say : 

"Well,  if  I  can  find  them  I  shall  have  them 
arrested  and  replevin  the  horse." 

Frauk  and  I  then  held  a  short  consultation. 
Our  first  idea  was  to  go  to  him  and  ascertain 
what  he  meant  by  sajdng  he  would  arrest  us. 
We  felt  certain  we  had  violated  no  law,  or  at 
least  had  no  intention  of  doing  so.  But  after  re- 
considering the  matter  we  concluded  that  he  was 
simply  a  "squealer,"  and  as  we  had  made  a 
square,  fair  trade  with  him  we  decided  to  let  him 
find  us  instead  of  our  looking  for  him. 

Our  experience  of  a  few  days  before  with  the 
writ  of  replevin  had  been  a  very  good  lesson. 
We  didn't  consider  it  worth  while  to  deliberately 
turn  our  stock  over  to  "squealers,"  when  they 
w^ere  taking  so  much  pains  to  hunt  us  up,  and 


■l:S^  TWENTY    VKARS   Oh    HUS'LING. 

especially  when  we  stopped  to  realize  that  in 
dealing  with  a  lightning-rod  man  it  was  simply  a 
case  of  "  diamond  cut  diamond."  We  therefore 
started  East  that  evening,  arriving  at  Cleveland 
a  few  days  later.   • 

On  reading  the  late  daily  papers  which  we 
always  made  a  practice  of  doing,  we  found  sev- 
eral long  articles  about  two  men  visiting  Findlay 
with  a  patent  right  and  how  they  had  taken  a 
handsome  horse  and  carriage  and  several  thous- 
and dollars  in  cash  for  which  they  gave  worthless 
deeds. 

We  also  read  a  full  description  of  ourselves 
and  the  horse  and  buggy  and  that  a  liberal 
reward  would  be  paid  for  our  capture  and  return 
to  Findlay. 

We  were  at  a  loss  to  understand  the  meaning 
of  all  this,  and  called  on  one  of  the  best  lawyers 
in  Cleveland  and  paid  him  ten  dollars  to  examine 
our  Power  of  Attorney. 

He  pronounced  it  perfect,  and  said  we  had  com- 
plied with  the  law  in  having  it  recorded,  in  oiu 
method  of  deeding,  and  in  every  other  respect ; 
and  said  that  the  patentee  was  powerless  toanm-'. 
the  Power  of  Attorney,  except  by  giving  nic 
thirty  days'  notice 


225 

We  then  concluded  to  give  them  a  good  chase, 
before  riving  up  the  horse  and  carriage ;  for 
though  they  had  spent  considerable  money  in 
trying  to  capture  us,  we  realized  that  the  horse 
and  baggy  were  all  we  had  to  look  out  for,  so  far 
as  concerned  any  loss. 

We  stopped  at  a  first-class  hotel,  and  enjoyed 
life  hugel}^ 

While  there,  wc  xuet  an  acquaintance  who  had 
been  speculating  in  wheat,  and  had  made  a  lot  of 
money  in  a  very  short  time. 

He  assured  us  that  if  we  would  let  him  invest 
a  portion  of  our  cash  the  same  as  he  was  intend- 
ing to  invest  his  own,  we  would  leave  Cleveland 
with  a  barrel  of  money.  Of  course  we  hadn't 
thought  of  scooping  it  in  bv  the  barrel,  and  the 
idea  rather  caught  us. 

Neither  Frank  nor  myself  had  the  slightest 
conception  of  the  method  of  speculating  in  that 
way.  And  to  this  day,  I  am  still  as  ignorant  as 
then  regarding  it,  and  have  no  desire  to  learn  it. 

Well,  we  let  our  friend  invest  five  hundred  dol- 
lars, and  in  less  than  three  days  he  called  on  us 
for  three  hundred  more,  saying  he  vtust  have  it 
to  tide  us  over.  Two  days  later  he  announced 
to  us  the  crushing  fact  that  all  was  lost !  His 
cash  as  we^l  ^- 


226  TWENTY     yiiAkS    OF    HUS'LING. 

He  then  began  urging  us  to  try  it  once  more. 
Anxious  to  get  back  what  we  had  lost,  we  needed 
but  little  persuasion  ;  and  in  less  than  one  week 
found  ourselves  about  cleaned  out.  We  had  spec- 
ulated all  we  cared  to  ;  and  after  settling  up  with 
the  landlord,  started  west  again  with  the  horse 
and  bugg}',  to  continue  our  patent-right  business. 

Wherever  we  stopped,  we  imagined  every  time 
we  saw  a  person  approaching  us,  that  it  was  an 
officer  with  papers  for  our  arrest,  or  a  writ  of  re- 
plevin for  the  horse  and  carriage.  We  cared 
more  for  the  writ  than  we  did  for  the  arrest,  as 
we  had  by  this  time  posted  ourselves  as  to  the 
trouble  and  annoyance  it  would  cause  us  to  allow 
them  to  get  possession  of  the  rig.  Besides,  it  had 
alread}^  become  a  question  whether  we  would  out- 
general them  or  they  us. 

We  realized  that  their  reasons,  whatever  they 
were,  for  demanding  our  arrest,  were  groundless. 
So  our  only  desire  was  to  sell  the  whole  outfit  at 
a  good  figure. 

It  would  have  paid  us  better  in  every  way  to 
have  turned  it  over  to  the  men  we  had  traded  with, 
and  to  have  come  to  an  understanding  with  them ; 
but  we  were  too  anxious  to  win,  in  the  race  we 
had  begun 


VT^-iY    V..ARS    ui-     rlPS'UNCS. 


"KICKER   AKO.eQtrEAl.HR.'' 


UNIVEKSI!^ 


I 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF  HUS'LING.  229 

We  had  a  great  scare  and  narrow  escape,  at  a 
small  inland  town  where  we  stopped  just  at  dusk, 
intending  to  remain  over  night. 

While  sitting  in  front  of  the  hotel,  about  nine 
o'clock  that  evening,  several  gentlemen  scrutin- 
ized us  very  sharply  as  they  passed  by.  Among 
them  happened  to  be  an  old  friend  whom  we  had 
known  at  Clyde.  He  asked  what  we  had  been 
doing  that  the  authorities  had  a  right  to  arrest 
us,  adding  that  two  men  were  at  that  very  moment 
looking  up  an  officer  for  that  purpose. 

We  gave  immediate  orders  for  our  horse  to  be 
hitched  up,  and  hastily  informed  our  friend  of  the 
facts.  He  said  there  must  be  soix'^e  reason  for 
the  Findlay  authorities  wanting  us,  as  they  had 
offered  a  reward  of  a  hundred  dollars  for  us,  and 
twenty-five  for  the  horse  and  buggy. 

We  started  west  at  a  rapid  gait. 

It  was  a  beautiful  moonlight  night,  and  we  had 
not  traveled  far  till  we  saw  coming  after  us  two 
men  on  horseback,  riding  rapidly.  We  drove 
but  a  few  rods  farther  when  we  came  to  a  steep 
hill,  at  the  bottom  of  which  was  a  cross-road  ex- 
tending in  both  directions  through  the  woods, 
and  a  larg»  bridge  crossing  a  river  just  west  of 
the  road-crossing.     We  dro^e  do-v^nn  the  embanV. 


230  TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'UNG. 

ment  and  under  the  bridge  into  the  river,  and 
there  awaited  the  coming  of  the  two  men.  They 
stopped  on  the  bridge,  and  there  held  a  consulta- 
tion.    We  heard  one  of  them  say : 

"  I  wonder  which  way  the  devils  went,  au}'- 
how?" 

"  Well,"  the  other  remarked,  "  they  are  travel- 
ing west,  and  it's  quite  likely  they  have  crossed 
the  bridge." 

Just  as  they  were  about  to  start  again  our  horse 
pawed  ill  the  water,  and  at  once  attracted  their 
attention 

One  of  them  stopped,  and  said :  "  Wait  a  min- 
ute.    I  heard  a  noise  under  the  bridge." 

At  this  they  both  stopped,  and,  as  we  supposed, 
were  about  to  make  ai?  investigation,  when  I 
dropped  the  reins,  and  raising  ni}-  hands  to  my 
mouth,  made  a  noise  like  the  bellowing  of  a 
"critter."     One  of  them  said : 

"  Oh,  come  on.     It's  nothing  but   a   old 

«ow!" 

They  then  started  across  the  bridge,  greatl}'  to 
our  relief  and  satisfaction. 

After  a  few  moments'  delay  we  returned  to  the 
cross-roads,  and  started  south,  traveling  but  & 
stiort  distance  when  we  again  turned  west 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF  HUS'LING.  23 T 

We  now  began  to  realize  that  they  were  mak 
ing  it  quite  lively  for  us,  and  decided  to  sell  the 
whole  rig  at  any  price. 

We  drove  to  within  about  a  mile  of  Norwalk, 
when  I  alighted  and  walked  into  the  town  for  the 
purpose  of  finding  a  buyer. 

Frank  drove  to  a  small  inland  town  eight 
miles  south  of  Norwalk,  where  I  agreed  to  meet 
him  the  next  day. 

The  following  morning  I  met  a  middle-aged 
gentleman  on  the  streets,  and  asked  him  if  there 
were  any  horse-buyers  in  town.  He  asked  what 
kind  of  horses  I  had  for  sale.  I  told  him  I  only 
had  one,  and  gave  a  description  of  the  animal. 

He  said  he  was  buying  horses,  and  would  drive 
out  with  me  and  see  if  we  could  deal. 

He  hitched  up  a  pair  of  horses,  and  taking  an- 
other gentleman  with  us,  started  south.  Upon 
arriving  at  our  destination,  we  found  Frank 
quartered  at  a  nice  country  hotel. 

The  two  men  looked  our  whole  outfit  over,  scru- 
tinizing it  very  closely,  and  showed  no  signs  of 
wanting  to  buy,  and  did  not  even  ask  our  price. 

I  then  said : 

"  Gentlemen,  we  will  sell  you  this  whole  rig 
cheap,  if  you  wish  it.'" 


232  TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'LINO. 

Finally,  after  I  had  repeated  several  times  that 
I  would  sell  it  dirt-cheap,  the  old  gentleman  ven- 
tured to  ask  what  I  considered  cheap  ? 

''  Well,  sir,"  said  I,  "  you  can  have  the  whole 
outfit  for  twelve  hundred  dollars." 

"  Great  Heavens  !"  he  exclaimed.  "  Do  you 
call  that  cheap  ?" 

"  Well,"  I  answered,  "  you  needn't  buy  unless 
you  want  to." 

They  then  drove  ofiF,  when  I  said : 

"  Frank,  those  men  have  had  a  full  description 
of  us  and  our  rig,  and  we'd  better  skip." 

Frank  said  he  had  a  trade  about  worked  up 
with  the  landlord's  father,  who  lived  three  miles 
from  there.  He  wanted  to  trade  a  fine  horse  for 
our  carriage,  and  thought  it  best  to  take  our 
chances  of  staying  to  close  it  up. 

After  dinner  the  landlord  accompanied  us  to 
his  father's  farm.  We  had  to  travel  one  mile 
west  and  two  north.  On  our  way  there,  and 
about  a  half  mile  from  town,  we  had  a  conversa- 
tion with  a  young  farmer  acquaintance  of  the 
landlord,  who  said  if  we  didn't  make  a  deal  as 
we  expected,  he  would  give  us  a  trade  of  some 
kind  on  our  way  back.  On  reaching  <he  farm 
we  found  a  handsome  four-year-old  colt,  unbrokf^ti, 
Wt  as  we  could  see. 


TWKNTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'UNG.  233 

We  traded  our  carriage  for  it  and  a  cheap 
saddle  and  bridle.  When  we  came  to  look  the 
carriage  over  we  found  an  iron  brace  broken,  and 
the  bargain  was,  that  we  were  to  take  it  back  to 
town  and  pay  for  getting  it  repaired,  and  then 
leave  it  in  care  of  the  landlord. 

We  started  back,  the  landlord  and  myself  walk- 
ing and  leading  the  colt,  while  Frank  drove  our 
horse  and  buggy. 

When  we  reached  the  young  farmer's  place 
above-mentioned,  he  came  out  to  the  gate ;  and 
after  we  were  several  rods  past  the  house,  called 
to  the  landlord,  w^ho  went  back. 

I  noticed  that  the  farmer  talked  in  a  very  loud 
tone  till  the  landlord  got  close  to  him,  when  he 
then  spoke  very  low. 

Just  then  Frank  came  driving  up,  when  I  said: 

"  There's  something  in  the  wind.  I'll  bet  that 
farmer  has  talked  with  some  one  since  we  went 
up  there,  who  has  told  him  about  the  patent-right 
deal." 

I  then  explained  the  actions  of  the  farmer. 
Frank  said  it  did  look  a  little  suspicious,  but 
thought  it  might  possibly  be  a  mistake.  As  a 
matter  of  caution  Frank  drove  on  to  the  hotel, 
where  he  unhitchptd  the   r.orso,  and  prepared  to 


234  TWENTY    YEARS  OF    HUS'LING. 

start  on  horseback  as  soon  as  we  arrived  with  the 
colt,  which  I  was  to  ride. 

As  soon  as  the  landlord  returned  to  where  I 
was,  he  showed  considerable  anxiety  and  nervous- 
ness, which  convinced  me  more  than  ever  that  I 
was  correct  in  my  surmises. 

He  talked  but  little,  on  our  way  to  the  hotel. 
When  we  arrived  there  his  wife  came  out  and  had 
a  private  talk  with  him.     I  then  said : 

"  Well,  landlord,  we  will  allow  you  one  dollar 
for  the  carriage  repairs  and  you  can  have  it  done 
yourself." 

At  that  I  reached  out  for  the  halter-strap,  to 
take  possession  of  the  colt. 

"  Well,  see  here,"  said  he,  excitedly,  "  there  is 
something  wrong.  Two  men  have  been  here 
lodidng  for  you." 

**  Where  are  they  ?"  I  asked. 
*  "  Well,"  said  he,  "  they  have  no  doubt  gone 
one  mile  too  far  west,  in  trying  to  get  to  my  fa- 
ther's farm,  and  have  missed  us." 

I  stepped  to  the  middle  of  the  road,  and  look- 
ing west,  saw  in  the  distance  a  team  with  two 
men  coming.  I  called  for  Frank  to  hitch  up 
again,  at  once,  fully  realizing  the  uselessness  of 
trying  to  take  the  colt  and  leave  the  buggy,  and 


TWBNTY    YBAK«  OF   HUS'LINO 


m 


URBANA 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'LING.  237 

that  there  was  no  time  to  argue  or  explain  mat- 
ters to  the  satisfaction  of  the  landlord. 

When  I  had  paid  our  hotel  bill,  and  gotten  the 
valise  containing  our  sJiiris — (v.hich  we  clung  to 
v;ith  a  bull-dog  tenacity,  owing  to  our  late  shirt- 
less experience) — I  hurried  to  the  barn,  where 
I  found  Frank  had  the  horse  between  the  shafts, 
'ami  we  hitched  him  up  in  a  space  of  time  that 
would  have  done  credit  to  an  expert  Fire-engine 
Company. 

Only  one  side  of  the  shafts  was  supported  by 
the  harness,  and  we  did  not  stop  to  fasten  the 
hold-back  straps,  nor  to  put  the  lines  through  the 
terret,  nor  tie  the  hitching  strap.  But  the  instant 
the  traces  were  fastened  and  the  lines  were  in  the 
buggy,  we  jumped  in,  and  none  too  soon,  either, 
for  j  ust  as  we  turned  our  horse  in  the  road  the 
two  men  came  driving  around  the  comer.  We 
started  sou'h,  with  our  horse  on  a  dead  run  and 
under  the  whip,  followed  by  them  with  their 
ihorses  under  full  speed,  and  also  under  the  whip. 

The  race  was  indeed  exciting,  on  a  Macadam- 
ized road  as  smooth  and  hard  as  a  floor.  I  drove, 
using  the  whip  freely,  while  Frank  stood  up  in 
the  carriage,  facing  the  men,  swinging  his  hat 
and  veiling'  like  a  \v\\(\  Tndiar..     They  kept  up 


238  TWENTY  YEARS  OF  HUS'UNG. 

the  chase  for  about  four  miles,  we  making  a  tni*n 
at  every  cross-road,  first  west  then  south,  and  kept 
it  up  till  we  saw  they  were  slacking  their  gait, 
jB^hen  we  ako  gave  our  horse  a  rest. 

We  then  proceeded  west,  driving  till  very  late 
ihat  night,  and  arriving  at  the  house  of  a  farmer 
acquaintance  of  mine,  five  miles  from  Clyde, 
about  midnight.  I  called  him  up  and  explained 
matters.  He  said  we  should  put  the  horse  in  the 
bam,  and  stay  with  him  two  or  three  days,  till 
we  saw  how  things  were. 

We  told  him  that  his  neighbors  would 
very  soon  learn  that  he  had  a  horse  and  carriage 
there,  and  would  necessarily  have  to  have  an  ex- 
planation as  to  the  ownership. 

We  then  suggested  putting  the  whole  rig> 
horse  and  all,  into  the  cellar,  which  we  did ;  and 
then  lemained  there  three  days,  eating  spring 
chickens  and  new  potatoes.  We  paid  our  friend's 
w'St  three  dcilars  per  day  for  keeping  us  and  our 
hcise.  besides  fifty  cents  apiece  for  young  chick- 
f.ns  "'liirh  were  about  one-third  grown.  This 
was  twenty -five  cent^  more  than  she  could  have 
'/,Qtr.^.u  for  them  had  she  kept  them  till  they  were 
f ■  11  gTCvTU.  Yet  she  worried  a  great  deal  about 
killing  off  her  yc^un^  .^liukens       Kvery  tim^  sh€» 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'UNG. 


239 


cooKed  one  for  us  she  would  declare  that  she 
didn't  believe  it  paid,  and  she  wouldn't  kill  any 
more  till  they  grew  to  full  size. 

We  undertook  to  argue  her  out  of  the  idea,  by 
showing  how  many  bushels  of  corn  each  chicken 
would  eat  before  fall,  and  the  low  price  it  would 
bring  at  that  time. 

She  said :  "  It  didn't  make  any  difference.  Com- 
mon sense  taught  her  that  a  chicken  wasn't  worth 
as  much  when  it  was  one-third  grown  as  when 
full  grown,  and  she  didn't  care  to  sell  us  any 


more.' 


<4i» 


240  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'LING. 


CHAPTER   XVII. 

•^'ISITING  MY  FAMILY  AT  ELMORE — HOW  Wfij 
FOOLED  A  DETECTIVE — A  FRIEND  IN  NEED 
— ARRIVING  AT  SWANTON,  OHIO,  BROKE — 
HOW  I  MADE  A  RAISE — DISGUISING  MV 
HORSE  WITH  A  COAT  OF  PAINT — CAPTURED 
AT  TOLEDO — SELLING  MY  HORSE — ARRIVED 
HOME    BROKE. 

Three  days  later  I  borrowed  a  saddle  and 
started  on  horseback  toward  the  west,  leaving 
Frank  to  dispose  of  the  bugg}^  and  harness. 

I  returned  to  Elmore  the  second  night  out. 
about  nine  o'clo^*  After  putting  my  horse  out, 
called  at  tne  hotel  to  vit,it  m}''  wife  and  see  the 
boy. 

The  next  day,  while  we  were   sitting  in  our 
room,  the  landlord,  Mr.  Hineline,  came  up,  say- 
ing that  a  detective  was  down  in  the  office,  or  at 
least  a  man  claiming  to  be  one,  making  all  sort 
of  inquiries  about  us. 

I   instructed   tlie   landlord,  who  was  a  sharp, 
<;hrewd  h'ttle  sfentleman,  bow  fo  act   nnd  what  to 


TWENTY    \EAKS  OF   HUS'LING.  24: 

say,  and  instructed  my  wife  to  enclose  a  letter  in 
an  envelope,  and,  after  addressing  it." J.  P.John- 
ston, Mt.  Vernon,  O.  If  not  called  for  in  5  days 
ftrvvard  to  Columbus ;  if  not  called  for  in  5  days 
forward  to  Dayton,"  she  slipped  down  to  the  officei 
and  asked  the  landlord  to  please  mail  it  for  herj 
He  carelessly  laid  it  down  on  the  desk  near  the 
detective,  who  lost  no  time  in  jotting  down  the 
full  directions. 

The  last  we  saw  of  him  he  had  bought  a  tick^* 
and  \/as  taking  the  first  train  for  Mt.  Vernon 

In  a  couple  of  days  I  started  towards  the  west. 

I  came  very  near  making  two  or  three  ht)rse- 
trades,  und  no  doubt  would  hav  succeeded,  if  I 
hadn't  felt  every  minute  that  some  one  was  going 
to  swoop  down  upon  me,  and  capture  me  and  my 
horse. 

I  didn't  feel  as  if  I  ought  to  stop  a  minute  any- 
where. I  could  look  ahead  to  certain  places 
where  I  thought  no  detective  on  earth  could  dis- 
cover me  till  I  could  make  a  deal ;  but  when  I 
would  reach  there  I  invariably  felt  the  same  as 
at  all  other  places,  and  was  constantly  on  the 
aler"  watching  the  comers,  which  alone  waa 
gr'>ugh  for  any  one  man  to  busy  himself  at. 

T  arrived  the  following  Snndav  at  Oranr!  Rap- 


242  TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUSXING. 

ids,  Ohio,  a  small  town  on  the  Maumee  River, 
and  also  on  a  canal.  I  put  my  horse  up,  and  took 
dinner  at  the  hotel ;  after  which  a  very  hard-look- 
ing character,  claiming  to  have  lost  all  his 
money  gambling  with  his  chums,  the  river  men.; 
stepped  up  to  me  in  the  barn  and  asked  if  I  would 
give  him  money  to  pay  for  his  dinner. 

"  Certainly,"  I  said,  handing  him  twenty-five 
cents,  saying,  as  I  did  so,  *'  I'll  give  you  half  of 
all  I  possess."     He  thanked  me,  and  said : 

"  Say,  you're  a  gentleman,  and  I'll  give  you  a 
pointer:  There's  an  officer  here  after  you." 
That  was  all  he  had  to  say.     I  then  said : 
"  Here,  help  saddle  and  bridle  my  horse,  quick  I" 
He  did  so,  and  helped  me  to  mount,  and  with 
a  long  stick  which  he  picked  up,  struck  my  horse 
across  the  hip  and  yelled : 

"  Now  you're  all  right  I"  as  I  passed  out  on  a 
full  gallop.  Just  as  I  was  leaving  the  bam  I 
heard  a  voice  cry  out : 

"  Stop  that  man  !     Stop  that  man !'" 
"  Go   it,   you   son-of-a-gun !"   my   new   friendi 
yelled;  audi  did  "go  it." 

I  steered  my  course  toward  Swanton,  arriving 
there  that  nig^ht.  with  just  twenty-five  cents  in 
111  \    pocket 


TWENTY    YEARS  OP   HUS'LING.  243 

I  had  an  old  friend  living  there  who  was  a 
painter  by  trade,  besides  numerous  acquaintan- 
ces. It  will  be  remembered  that  it  was  at  this 
same  town  I  had  resigned  my  position  as  Tele- 
graph operator  a  few  years  before. 

I  very  soon  called  on  my  old  landlord,  who 
gave  me  a  hearty  welcome.  After  putting  my 
horse  out,  I  settled  down  for  the  night 

The  next  morning  I  called  on  my  friend,  who 
had  just  finished  a  job  of  painting,  but  could  not 
collect  his  bill  at  once,  and  being  a  little  short 
himself,  was  unable  to  assist  me. 

I  asked  if  he  had  a  good  credit  there,  and  he 
replied  that  he  could  buy  anything  he  wanted  on 
time. 

I  then  asked  if  he  could  hire  a  horse  and  buggy 
on  those  terms,  and  he  said  he  could. 

"  Well  then,  you  come  to  a  drug  store  with  me 
and  we  will  buy  some  patent  medicine,  or  some- 
thing that  we  can  sell  to  the  fanners,  and  we  will 
travel  through  the  country  with  your  hired  rig, 
leading  my  horse  behind,  and  peddle  from  house 
to  house  on  our  way  to  Adrian,  Mich.,  where  I 
can  possibly  sell  my  horse,  and  you  can  then  re- 
turn home." 

He  then  suggested  that  it  would  be  a  jSTOod 


944  rWENTV    YEARb  OF    HUS'LING. 

scheme  to  take  a  pot  of  copal  varnisli  and  bmsb 
along,  and  take  jobs  of  the  farmers  to  vaniish 
pieces  of  furniture,  charging  a  certain  price  for 
each  piece. 

"Well,"  said  I,  "why  not  sell  them  the  var- 
nish, and  let  them  do  the  work  themselves  ?" 

"  But  they  can  buy  all  the  varnish  they  want 
right  here  where  we  buy  it." 

*'  That's  true,"  I  answered,  "  but  they  can't 
buy  our  kind  at  any  drug  store." 

He  laughed,  and  said  he  guessed  I'd  find  peo- 
ple in  that  country  up  to  the  times. 

"  Very  well,  then,  so  much  the  better,  if  they 
are,  for  they'll  want  something  new ;  and  I  don't 
think  there  has  been  any  one  along  selling  them 
ounce  bottles  of  copal  varnish  for  fifty  cents !" 

No,  he  said  he  hadn't  heard  of  any  one  doing 
so,  and  didn't  think  it  could  be  done. 

I  insisted  it  could  be  done. 

We  then  called  on  the  druggist,  who  had  plenty 
©f  varnish,  but  only  four  empty  bottles  in  stock. 

We  got  a  tin  pail,  and  bought  one  gallon  of 
varnish  and  the  four  bottles. 

The  druggist  exhibited  some  brushes,  saying 
AC  would  have  to  use  'Mie  to  applv  the  varnish 
\^/hile  rsboxving  it  up 


TWENTY     VEAKS   Ot    HUSXINO.  iJ45 

"'  No,  thank  you,"  I  replied.  "  All  I  want  is  a 
piece  of  Canton  flannel.  It  won't  do  to  apply  it 
with  a  brush.  I  understand  your  people  here  are 
up  with  the  times.  If  so,  they  want  something 
new." 

He  said  he  thought  it  extremely  new  to  apply 
varnish  wich  a  cloth. 

We  started  immediately  after  dinner,  and 
commenced  operations  one  mile  out  of  town. 

The  very  first  house  we  stopped  at — and  an 
old  log  one,  at  that — I  sold  the  lady  three  bottles 
for  one  dollar,  one  each  for  herself,  her  mother 
and  her  sister. 

When  I  delivered  them  out  of  my  coat  pocket 
(we  had  no  valise  or  sample  case),  I  said  to  her : 

"  Madam,  I  put  up  this  preparation  myself, 
and  I  have  run  short  of  bottles.  Can't  you  empty 
the  polish  into  something  else  and  let  me  retain 
these  ?" 

"  Certainly,"  she  answered,  and  stepping  to  the 
pantry,  she  opened  the  door,  when  I  noticed  sev- 
eral bottles  on  the  shelf 

"  Now,  I'll  tell  you  what  I'll  do.  I  will  trade 
you  some  more  of  my  preparation  for  a  few  of 
those  bottles." 

•*  All  right.     It's  a  trade.-* 


246  TWENTY    YEaRS   Ob    HUS'LING. 

I  returned  to  the  buggy  loaded  down  with  hot 
ties  of  all  sizes,  shapes  and  colors,  and  a  dollar 
bill,  which  looked  the  size  of  a  barn  door  to  both 
of  us. 

I  then  carried  our  pail  of  varnish  into  the 
house  and  paid  her  liberally  for  the  bottles. 

I  called  at  every  house  thereafter,  and  never 
missed  making  a  sale  till  the  eighth  was  reached, 
when  the  old  lady  declared  emphatically  that  she 
didn't  have  fifty  cents  in  the  house. 

Then  I  asked  if  she  had  any  eggs.  She  said 
she  had. 

"Very  well;  I'll  allow  you  twenty  cents  per 
dozen  for  them,  but  you  must  give  me  an  old  box 
of  some  kind  to  put  them  in." 

She  was  anxious  to  trade,  and  when  I  started 
off  with  two  and  one-half  dozen,  she  said  she  be- 
lieved I  might  have  the  other  five  dozen  if  I'd 
give  her  two  more  bottles.  I  accommodated  her, 
and  as  I  left  she  said  she  was  sorry  John  hadn't 
gathered  the  eggs  the  night  before,  so  she  could 
let  me  have  more  of  them,  as  I  was  pacing  more 
than  they  had  been  getting. 

I  told  her  I'd  wait  while  she  gathered  them. 

She  started  to  do  so,  but  suddenly  changed  her 
mind,  sa3'iiig  she  thought  I  had  sold  her  enonorb 
of  mv  T'lteiit  stuff,  a-j 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'LING  24'; 

When  I  rejoined  my  new  partner  and  friend 
iie  was  delighted,  and  asked  why  I  didn't  trade 
for  the  chickens. 

We  met  with  flattering  success,  making  fre 
quent  trades  as  well  as  many  cash  sales.  Among 
other  trades  was  one  I  made  with  a  lady  for  a 
sheep-pelt.  Although  I  had  not  dealt  in  them 
since  my  early  experience,  I  ventured  to  make 
an  offer  of  one  bottle  of  my  preparation,  which 
was  accepted. 

We  staid  that  night  with  a  German  farmer, 
who  looked  suspiciously  at  our  extra  horse ;  and 
when  we  retired  to  a  little  six-by-eight  room,  way 
up  in  the  garret,  he  took  the  pains  to  lock  us  in. 

My  partner  said  he  guessed  the  old  Dutchman 
took  us  for  horse-thieves. 

"Well,"  I  answered,  "I  guess  he  will  take  us 
for  wholesale  varnish  peddlers  before  I  get 
through  with  him." 

The  next  morning,  after  we  were  liberated,  I 
began  at  once  to  ingratiate  myself  in  the  confi- 
dence of  the  old  lady,  in  order  to  effect  a  sale. 

Immediately  after  breakfast  I  introduced  the 
patent  furniture  lustre,  and  before  I  had  half  nxkr 
ished  my  story  the  old  lady  cried  out  .* 

"  I  take  'em,  I  take  'em  :  how  much  ?'*. 


248  rWENr\     YKAKb   Oi-    HUS  UHtt. 

I  then  said : 

"  How  much  do  I  owe  you  ?" 

•'  How  many  oats  did  your  horses  eat  ?** 

*'Oh,  about  a  bushel." 

"One  dollar,"  she  said. 

"Very  well,"  said  I,  "my  price  is  one  dollar, 
but  you  have  been  very  kind  to  lock  us  up  foi' 
the  night,  and  I'll  give  you  two  bottles  for  your 
trouble." 

Before  leaving,  I  traded  her  some  extra  lustre 
for  some  empty  bottles ;  and  this  plan  I  kept  up 
during  the  day. 

We  arrived  at  Blissfield,  Mich.,  where  we  dis- 
posed of  our  eggs  at  ten  cents  per  dozen,  and  re- 
alized forty  cents  for*  the  sheep-pelt,  after  which 
we  replenished  our  stock  of  varnish. 

I  had  now  become  more  inteiested  in  my  new 
business  than  in  the  sale  of  my  horse ;  and  con- 
cluded to  abandon  the  trip  to  Adrian,  and  return 
to  Swanton,  where  I  could  dissolve  partnership 
with  my  friend,  and  continue  the  business  alone^ 
on  horseback  if  necessary. 

On  our  return  trip  to  Swanton  I  continued  to 
trade  for  eggs,  where  customers  were  short  of 
cash  ;  and  one  lady  said  she  couldn't  understano 
how  I  c<nild  afford  to  pay  twenty  cents  per  (\07.cu 
when  ilu"  nifirUo^  tr-i  oent*- 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'UNG.  249 

"  Well,  niadaHn,  you  see,  that's  the  trick  of  the 
trade." 

"  But."  said  she,  "  the  merchant  we  deal  with 
is  as  tnck}^  as  any  one ;  but  he  won't  pay  only 
ten  cents  a  dozen  for  eggs." 

"  Yes,"  T  answered,  "  and  he  makes  you  take, 
groceries  and  dry  goods  for  them,  too,  while  I 
give  3'on  something  you  need  in  exchange  for 
them." 

She  said,  "  That's  so." 

When  we  returned  to  S wanton  we  had  nearly 
twenty  dollars  in  cash,  and  that  many  dollars' 
worth  of  stock  on  hand  at  retail  price. 

I  now  felt  very  anxious  to  sell  my  horse,  as 
my  patent-right  experience  was  quite  sufficient 
to  convince  me  that  such  a  business  was  no  busi- 
ness at  all. 

My  horse  was  a  handsome  dapple  grey,  and- 
my  friend  said  he  could  paint  him  a  dark  color, 
and  so  completely  disguise  him  that  no  man 
could  detect  him. 

I  suggested  that  it  might  also  be  a  good  idea 
to  paint  me,  or  at  least  my  auburn  hair. 

He  said  he  wouldn't  undertake  that  job,  but 
he  knew  he  could  fix  the  horse.  ' 

"  Very  well,"  said  I,  "gfo  ahead  and  paint  him." 


250  TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'LIN"". 

He  did  so,  and  a  first-class  job»it  was. 

I  then  started  for  Toledo  on  horse-back,  i.i  r 
before  I  had  traveled  far,  was  caught  in  a  hea\-y 
rain-storm.  I  hitched  my  horse  in  front  of  a 
school-house  and  went  inside  for  shelter,  by  per- 
mission of  the  teacher. 

The  rain  continued  for  about  two  hours,  and 
when  I  returned  to  my  horse  he  was  absolutely 
the  homeliest  and  oddest-colored  brute  I  ever  saw. 
The  paint  had  run  down  his  legs  in  streaks,  and 
had  formed  a  combination  of  colors  more  easily 
imagined  than  described.  On  arriving  at  Toledo 
I  put  my  horse  in  a  sale  stable  and  ordered  him 
to  be  sold. 

The  proprietor  looked  us  both  over  with  much 
suspicion,  and  asked  from  which  direction  I  had 
come. 

"  From  the  west,  sir,"  I  answered. 

"  From  the  far  west  ?"  he  still  further  inquired. 

**  You'd  think  so,  if  you'd  followed  me,"  I  re- 
plied. 

"  Well,  what  in  the  d 1  ails  your  horse  ?" 

"  Well,  sir,  he  fell  in  the  Chicago  River,'*  was 
my  answer. 

Stepping  to  the  animal,  he  rubbed  his  fingers 
.>ver  the  rough,  sticky  hmr.  and  then  placing: 
iieni  In  his  nose. 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF    HUSXINO 


*5' 


Ur;iVLUi>;i 


UR^. 


TWENTY    VKAK;i   UK    HUS  UNG.  253 

"  Don't  smell  bad, — looks  's  tliougli  he'd  been 
dyed." 

''  Well,  I  wish  to  he'd  died  before  I  ever 

saw  him." 

Upon  registering  at  a  hotel  to  await  results,  I 
met  an  old  acquaintance  who  was  boarding  there, 
and  explained  to  him  my  predicament. 

He  said  he  didn't  think  I  would  ever  be  able 
to  sell  my  horse  with  all  that  daub  on  him,  un- 
less I  explained  just  how  I  had  traded  for  him. 
I  replied  that  to  make  a  full  statement  would 
surely  result  in  a  writ  of  replevin  being  served 
and  the  horse  being  taken  from  me. 

A  couple  of  days  later,  my  friend  came  rushing 
into  the  hotel  and  informed  me  that  two  men, 
one  a  policeman,  were  at  the  bam  carefully  scru- 
tinizing the  horse. 

I  waited  a  few  moments,  when  I  walked  leis- 
urel}'  to  the  bam,  and  after  paying  for  his  keep- 
ing, ordered  him  saddled,  and  immediately  started 
out  on  the  jump.  Just  as  I  passed  from  the  barn 
I  noticed  a  man  coming  on  the  run  towards  me. 
I  put  spurs  to  the  animal,  when  the  man  yelled, 
"Halt !  haltl"  but  I  wasn't  halting,  and  kept  on 
down  the  street,  looking  back  at  the  gentleman 
as  my  horse  sped  rapidly  along. 


254  TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'LINO. 

He  then  yelled :  "  Stop  that  man  I  stop  that 
man '" 

f  kept  looking  back,  and  had  just  begun  to 
congratulate  myself  on  my  success,  when  sud- 
denly my  horse  came  to  a  full  stop,  and  I  landed 
forward  astride  his  neck,  hanging  on  by  his 
mane.  I  then  discovered  a  large  policeman  hold- 
ing him  by  the  bit. 

I  dismounted,  and  as  the  gentleman  who  had 
been  running  behind  came  up  to  where  we  were, 
the  police  officer  said  to  him : 

"  Mr.  Cavanaugh,  what  shall  I  do  with  the 
horse?" 

"  Take  him  back  to  the  stable,  for  the  time  be- 
ing," was  the  answer. 

I  then  said : 

*'  I  now  recognize  you  as  the  gentleman  and 
detective  whom  I  was  introduced  to  a  few  weeks 
ago  by  an  acquaintance  from  Bronson,  Mich.,  at 
which  place  I  believe  you  formerly  resided,  and 
where  I  married  my  wife." 

"  Sure  enough,"  lie  answered.  "  Your  wife  and 
I  were  school  childreii  together.  Johnston  is 
your  name." 

"Yes,  sir." 

"  Well,  great  Heavens  1  you'i-e  no  horse-thief! 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUS  LING.  255 

*'  Well,  who  in  thunder  said  I  was?  I  am  sure 
I  never  said  so,"  was  my  reply. 

"  What  have  you  painted  this  horse  for  ?"  he 
inquired. 

"  Well,  I  guess  I'll  have  to  tell  you  privately," 

I  answered. 

We  then  walked  along  together,  and  I  ex- 
plained everything. 

"  Well,  this  case,"  said  he,  "  has  been  reported 
to  the  Captain  of  Police  ;  and  I  guess  you'd  bet- 
ter go  over  to  his  office  and  explain  matters,  and 
a- note  from  him  to  the  proprietor  of  the  sale-sta- 
ble will  help  you  to  dispose  of  the  horse." 

"  We  visited  the  Captain,  to  whom  I  explained, 
and  as  proof  of  my  statement  produced  my  papers 
and  some  newspaper  clippings. 

The  Captain  said  if  I  was  sleek  enough  to 
trade  a  lightning-rod  agent  out  of  a  horse  with  a 
patent  right,  I  ought  to  be  pensioned.  He  said 
he'd  send  word  to  the  stable-man  that  it  was  all 
right,  which  I  suppose  he  did.  At  any  rate,  I 
sold  out  to  the  proprietor  inside  of  an  hour. 

I  then  decided  to  go  immediately  to  Findlay 
md  see  what  grounds  they  had  for  wanting  to 

II  rest  us. 

On  arriving  there  I  spent  about  three  hours  in 


256  TWENTY    VLAKb    Oi     HL'S'lINO. 

trying  to  find  an  officer  who  would  recx)gnize  me, 
and  possibly  place  me  under  arrest.  Not  success- 
ful in  this,  I  looked  for  and  found  an  officer,  with 
whom  1  managed  to  get  into  conversation,  and 
was  obliged  to  tell  him  plainly  who  I  was,  before 
he  would  "  take  a  tumble,"  as  the  saying  is. 

He  then  said  he  knew  all  about  the  trade,  and 
was  acquainted  with  the  men,  and  the  circum- 
stances of  their  offering  the  reward. 

"Well,  now,"  said  I,  "you  arrest  me,  and  we'll 
get  the  reward." 

"But,"  said  he,  "the  men  you  traded  with 
have  left  town." 

I  asked  if  he  knew  why  they  had  offered  a 
reward  for  us. 

He  said  it  was  because  the  Patentee  had  ar- 
rived on  the  scene  the  day  after  our  trade,  and 
had  remarked  that  Johnston  had  no  authority  to 
deed  away  territory  in  his  patent,  for  the  reason 
that  the  Power  of  Attorney  had  a  clause  in  it 
which  read  as  follows :  "This  Power  of  Attome\ 
IS  revocable  in  thirty  days  from  the  day  it  is  gW- 
en  by  the  said  Patentee."  They  then  concludec- 
to  try  and  arrest  us,  and  if  successful  possibly 
make  us  pay  handsomely,  or  prosecute  us. 

This  bit  of  information  was  relished  by  me. 


TVVKNTY    YKAk.S    Ol-    HCS  LING.  ^57 

for  I  at  once  saw  that  the  Patentee  had  gotttrj 
things  badly  mixed.  The  clause  he  referred  t\ 
which  was  the  one  mentioned  in  another  chapter, 
read  as  follows  :  "  This  Power  of  Attorney  is  re- 
vocable on  thirty  days'  notice  from  the  said  Pat- 
entee." 

Having  satisfied  myself,  and  several  acquaint- 
ances of  the  men  we  had  dealt  with,  that  we  had 
not  violated  the  law,  I  returned  to  Toledo,  where 
I  met  Frank,  who  had  disposed  of  the  carriage 
and  harness. 

He  left  me  there ;  and  one  evening  at  the  sup- 
per table  I  entered  into  conversation  with  several 
gentlemen,  one  of  whom  related  a  few  incidents 
of  his  experience,  when  I  also  related  my  late  ex- 
perience in  selling  copal  varnish. 

An  old  gentleman  across  the  table  from  me 
^then  said  that  he  had  a  recipe  for  making  a  fur- 
niture and  piano  polish  that  was  immense.  He 
said  it  would  leave  a  beautiful  hard  lustre,  was 
not  sticky  or  gummy  to  the  fingers,  and  would 
remove  all  white  stains  from  furniture,  and  be- 
come perfectly  dry  in  less  than  one  minute  from 
the  time  it  was  applied. 

"  Well,  sir,"  I  said,  "  I  am  looking  for  some 
thin^  of  that  kind,  .-aid  " 


258  TWENTY     VhARb   Ob    HUS'LIMG 

''  Very  well,"  he  interrupted ;  "it  will  cost  you 
twenty -five  dollars." 

I  said :  "I'll  give  you  five  dollars  before  test- 
ing it." 

"  No,  sir ;  not  one  dollar  less  than  my  price." 

But  he  would  make  up  a  small  bottle,  and  show 
me  how  it  worked.  He  did  so,  and  I  was  at  once 
convinced. 

I  then  dickered  a  while  with  him,  and  after 
satisfying  myself  that  I  could  buy  it  for  no  less 
than  his  price,  purchased  it ;  and  have  always 
considered  it  a  good  investment.  An  Incorpora- 
ted Manufacturing  Company  of  this  cit}-  now  use 
the  same  recipe,  supplying  agents  in  all  parts  of 
the  country. 

I  immediately  visited  Elmore,  where  my  wife 
and  boy  still  remained.  After  paying  their  board 
and  a  doctor's  bill  for  the  boy,  I  took  a  run  down 
to  Clyde,  arriving  there  "  broke." 

I  had  a  long  talk  with  my  folks,  and  explained 
"just  how  it  all  happened." 

My  mother  said  she  thought  I  had  made  a 
splendid  record  for  a  boy  with  a  family. 

Mr.  Keefer  said,  "  It  did  beat  the  devi^  '"* 


TWBNTY    YivA^KS  Ot   H US  UNO.  85^ 


CHAPTER  XVni. 

MR.  KEEPER  CALLED  FROM  HOME — MY  MOTHER 
REFUSES  ME  A  LOAN — PEDDLING  FURNITURE 
POLISH  ON  FOOT — HAVING  MY  FORTUNE 
TOLD — MY  TRIP  THROUGH  MICHIGAN — AR- 
RESTED FOR  SELLING  WITHOUT  LICENSE — 
"it  never  RAINS  BUT  IT  POURS " — COL- 
LAPSED— A  GOOD   MORAL — MAKING  A  RAISE. 

I  remained  at  home  but  a  day  or  two,  during 
which  time  Mr.  Keefer  was  called  away  on  busi- 
ness, leaving  my  mother  and  myself  to  discuss 
the  future  together.  I  told  her  of  my  varnish 
experience,  and  about  my  recipe  for  the  piano 
and  furniture  polish,  and  assured  her  that  I  had 
made  a  firm  resolution  never  to  sell  another  pat- 
ent right. 

She  said  she  was  glad  to  hear  that,  as  it  had 
worried  her  night  and  day  during  the  whole  time 
I  was  in  that  business. 

I  then  suggested  that  she  loan  me  money 
enough  to  invest  in  a  few  bottles  of  polish. 

"  Not  one  cent,  sir." 

"  Well,"  said  I,  *'  it  ^vQ^^'t  mke  but  about  — "* 


200  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUSXINC. 

''  Nq  matter,"  she  inten-upted,  "  if  it  won't  take 
but  ten  cents  you  will  not  get  it  from  me.  You 
have  had  the  last  cent  from  us  you  will  ever  get." 

I  remarked  that  I  was  sorry  pa  had  gone  away. 

She  said  it  wouldn't .  matter,  anyhow,  lor  she 
had  laid  down  the  law  to  him,  and  he  would 
never  let  me  have  another  dollar. 

"  Well,"  I  asked,  "  won't  you  give  me  money 
enough  to  get  out  of  town  ?" 

"  No,  sir;  if  five  cents  would  take  you  to  Cali- 
fornia, you  should  walk  it  before  I'd  give  you 
that  amount." 

I  then  asked  if  she  didn't  think  I  was  getting 
in  rather  close  quarters  ?        , 

"  Well,"  she  exclaimed,  "  you  have  always  been 
determined  to  '  hus'le,'  so  now  keep  'hus'ling.'  " 

I  then  called  on  an  old  friend  whom  I  had 
been  owing  for  several  years,  and  after  explain- 
ing my  circumstances,  borrowed  three  dollar'^, 
with  which  I  repaired  to  a  drug  store  and  pn 
cured  a  stock  of  ingredients  and  bottles  requirctl 
for  my  Furniture  and  Piano  Polish. 

I  then  returned  home,  and  after  explaining-  to 
my  mother  that  it  would  take  till  the  next  day 
to  prepare  it,  asked  her  if  she  would  care  if  I 
staid  at  her  house  one  more  nig^lit 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUS'UNG.  i6l 

She  laughed,  and  said  she  guessed  she  could 
staud  it  that  long. 

I  then  said ; 

"  By  gracious,  you  will  have  to  give  me 
■money  enough  to  get  to  the  next  town,  for  I 
won't  dare  commence  peddling  polish  where  I  am 
acquainted." 

"  Indeed  I'll  not  give  you  a  penny,  even  though 
you  have  to  commence  at  our  next-door  neigh- 
bor's," she  answered. 

The  next  day,  when  my  bottles  were  filled 
ready  for  a  sturt.  I  discovered  that  I  had  no  va- 
lise. 

My  mother  said  I  could  have  that  old  carpet- 
bag that  I  took  to  New  York  when  I  was  a  bo}^,  ^ 
and  which  had  been  expressed  back  to  me  with 
my  old  clothes.  I  told  her  T  thought  it  would 
be  about  what  I  needed,  but  if  she  had  the 
slightest  idea  she  could  sell  it,  or  would  ever 
need  it  to  make  me  a  visit  in  the  far  west  when  1 
got  rich,  that  I  might  possibly  get  along  without 
it. 

She  said  I  could  rest  assured  that  she  wasn't 
quite  so  hard  up  as  to  be  obliged  to  sell  it,  and  if 
she  had  to  wait  for  me  to  get  rich  before  using  it. 
she  probaVy  would  never  liave  occasion  to  do  so 


262  TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'UNG 

I  then  visited  the  garret,  where  mj'  mother 
said  I  would  find  the  old  carpet  bag. 

As  I  entered  the  dark,  gloomy  place,  my  vis- 
ion encountered  innumerable  relics  of  my  past 
life,  in  the  shape  of  t03'S,  books,  papers,  skates, 
cart-wheels,  pieces  of  hobby-horses,  and  remnants 
of  garments  made  by  my  mother  and  worn  b}' 
me  years  before. 

I  thought  of  the  days  gone  by,  and  the  many 
pleasant  hours  I  had  spent  at  the  old  farm  house. 
While  I  was  occupied  with  play  and  enjoyment 
m}^  mother  was  busying  herself  with  family 
cares,  and  endeavoring  to  draw  from  me  my  ideas 
of  the  business  or  profession  I  would  adopt  when 
I  reached  manhood. 

There  flitted  through  my  mind  the  many  kind 
things  she  had  said  and  done  for  me,  in  trjdng 
to  gratify  mj'  desires  and  boyish  whims.  I  was 
reminded  that  although  she  had  often  opposed 
me  in  my  ideas  of  "  hus'iing,"  and  was  at  that 
ver}'-  time  refusing  to  aid  me,  she  had  always 
been  a  devoted  mother,  with  a  kind  and  forgiving- 
disposition,  and  had  never  ceased  to  show  her 
anxiety  for  my  welfare. 

I  realized  that  there  must  be  a  reason,  best 
known  to  her.self,  for  ^\•ithholding  aid  from  me  at 
this  time. 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'UNG.  263 

1  then  began  rummaging  about  for  the  old  car 
pet-bag,  which  I  found  hanging  in  a  remote  cor- 
ner, amongst  cobwebs  and  bunches  of  balm  and 
sage.  As  I  gazed  on  the  companion  of  my  first 
**ailroad  tiip,  there  flashed  through  my  mind, 
with  lightning-like  rapidity,  the  three  weeks  of 
joys  and  sorrows  we  had  shared  together  while  in 
New  York.  The  many  ups  and  downs  I  had  ex- 
perienced since  that  time,  forced  themselves  upon 
my  memory,  while  it  had  been  silently  resting 
and  apparently  awaiting  my  return  to  accompany 
me  on  another  search  for  fortune. 

Among  other  things  I  saw  hanging  there  was  a 
half-worn-out,  dried-up  bunch  of  blue-beech 
switches. 

How  many  times  had  they  tickled  my  young 
hide  for  a  breach  of  home  discipline! 

I  took  them  in  my  hand,  and  as  I  gazed  upon 
those  silent  reminders  of  the  past,  I  said  tri- 
umphantly : 

*'  You  clung  to  me  like  a  brother.  Your  reign 
is  over.  Your  day  is  past,  while  mine  is  just 
dawning.  Farewell ;  I  cherish  you  not.  No  fond 
memories  cling  around  my  recollections  of  you. 
The  lessons  you  endeavored  to  convey  were  uo 
doubt  good,  but,  alas  I    they  fef  on  barren  s'^-V 


264  TWENTY    VEAkS  OF   SUS'Lii^G 

And  heaviag  a  heavy  sigh,  I  hung  them  on 
the  nail,  picked  up  my  caipet-bag.  and  descended 
from  the  garret. 

After  packing  the  old  carpet-bag  'A'ith  bottles^ 
!l  announced  my  readiness  for  the  grand  start. 
My  mother  commenced  crying,  and  asked  if  I 
didn't  think  I'd  better  take  a  lunch  along,  in  case 
of  necessity.  I  said  I  guessed  not,  as  she  might 
be  robbing  herself  to  give  me  so  much  all  at  one 
time. 

I  bade  her  good  bye,  and  when  I  had  gotten  to 
the  front  gate  she  called  me  back,  and  said  if  I 
would  hitch  one  of  the  horses  to  the  carriage  she 
would  take  me  to  Green  Creek  bridge,  five  miles 
outj  where  I  could  begin  operations  among 
strangers. 

This  pleased  me  iramenselyj  and  I  lost  no  lime 
in    arrying  out  her  suggestion. 

She  drove  west  on  the  pike  to  the  bridge, 
when  I  announced  my  readiness  and  anxiety  tc 
commence  business,  as  it  was  then  four  o'clock 
and  I  must  make  a  raise  of  a  few  shiMings  for 
expenses  for  the  night. 

I  shall  never  forget  the  exprer.sion  of  solicitude 
and  determination  shown  iu  her  face  as  she  bade 
me  good  bye„and  turned  to  leave  me ;  and  I  have 
siwce  con^atulated  firai,  decisi>« 


TWENTY  YEARS  OF  HUS'UNG.  26j 

Stand  she  took.  I  have  often  related  this  inci- 
dent as  one  of  the  best  things  that  ever  happened 
tome. 

As  soon  as  she  started  homeward  I  took  the 
other  direction. 

I  was  mad ;  and  the  more  I  thought  of  her 
treatment  of  me  the  madder  I  got,  and  the  more 
I'hus'led.' 

At  the  first  house  I  called,  the  old  lady  said 
she  hadn't  any  raoney,  but  would  tell  my  fortune 
for  a  bottle  of  polish. 

"  Well,  great  Heavens  I"  I  yelled,  "  go  ahead. 
you  never  can  tell  my  fortune  at  a  better  time." 

She  shuffled  the  cards,  and  said  I'd  never  do 
manual  labor,  and  I  was  going  to  be  rich.  I 
would  have  two  wives,  and  no  telling  how  many 
children.  I  had  had  a  great  many  ups  and  downs, 
and  would  have  some  more ;  but  would  eventu- 
ally settle  down.  I  asked  if  I  would  ever  be  hung. 
She  said,  "  No,  sir.** 

During  the  interview  she  learned  from  me  of 
my  father's  dying  before  I  was  bom.  That,  she 
said,  was  always  a  sure  sign  of  good  fortune,  and 
a  bright  future  was  always  in  store  for  a  child 
bom  under  such  circumstances. 

T   finally  asked  her  if  <;hf»  •♦on^^   ^ell  -vhere  I 


iO>^  TWENTY    VB,A».S   OF    HUS'LING 

was  goinj^  to  stay  that  night.  She  said  she 
couldn't,  but  would  wager  that  I  wouldn't  sleep 
in  a  freight  car,  nor  go  without  my  supper. 

I  gave  her  a  bottle  of  polish,  and  made  another 
start,  calling  at  the  next  house  just  as  the  family 
were  about  to  take  supper. 

I  rushed  in,  set  my  carpet-bag  down,  and  lay- 
ing off  my  hat,  said  in  a  jocular  manner : 

"  By  gracious,  I'm  just  in  time,  for  once." 

*'  Yes,  you  are,"  said  the  gentleman,  as  he  was 
about  to  take  his  seat  at  the  table.  "  Take  that 
seat  right  over  there,"  pointing  to  the  opposite 
side  of  the  table. 

I  thanked  him  and  accepted  his  kind  invita- 
tion. After  supper  I  showed  them  my  prepara- 
tion, which  pleased  them  much 

His  wife  asked  the  price.  I  told  her  fifty  cents, 
and  said : 

"  I  want  to  allow  you  half  that  amount  for  my 
supper,  therefore  you  will  owe  me  but  twenty-five 
cents." 

She  paid  me,  and  I  started  on,  much  elated 
with  my  success,  and  convinced  that  the  old  for- 
tune-teller knew  her  business,  as  the  supper  par^ 
had  already  come  true. 

I  called  at  evevy  house  iinti)  too  dark  tc»  ope- 
rate.  mnViTig  ^  sale  i«  rv  •  «i*' 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'lING.  269 

I  walked  on  to  Fremont,  reaching  tiere  in  time 
for  the  seven-thirty  train  bound  west. 

After  buying  a  ticket  for  Lindsay,  I  had  three 
dollars  and  fifty  cents  in  cash,  and  plenty  of 
stock  on  hand. 

I  remained  there  over  night,  and  am  almost 
certain  there  wasn't  a  housekeeper  in  that  burgh 
who  didn't  get  a  bottle  of  my  polish  the  next  day^. 

After  finishing  the  town,  I  learned  that  the  west- 
bound train  was  not  due  for  an  hour.  As  life 
was  short,  business  brisk  and  time  valuable,  I 
started  out  on  foot,  walking  to  the  next  town, 
(meeting  with  fair  success),  where  I  took  the 
train  for  Adrian,  Michigan,  arriving  there  the 
next  day.  A  very  impressive  fact,  to  me,  con- 
nected with  this  particular  trip,  was  my  traveling 
over  five  miles  of  road,  peddling  furniture  polish 
at  twenty-f.ve  and  fifty  cents  per  bottle,  that  a 
few  weeks  before  I  had  driven  over  with  the 
horse  and  buggy,  and  several  hundred  dollars  in 
my  pocket,  during  our  patent-right  experience. 

Before  leaving  the  subject  of  Patent  Rights.  I 
want  to  say  a  few  words  for  the  benefit  of  those 
who  may  be  inclined  to  speculate  in  them.  Al- 
though the  selling  of  territory  or  State  and 
T^onnfv  rights  may  be  ronsiMere^  legfitiuiatr.  it  is- 


270  TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'LING. 

by  no  means  a  suitable  business  for  a  reputable 
person  to  follow.  The  deeding  of  territory  in  a 
Patent  Right  is  about  equivalent  to  giving  a 
deed  to  so  much  blue  sky.  At  least,  the  pur- 
chaser usually  realizes  as  much  from  the  former 
as  he  would  from  the  latter. 

Those  who  invest  in  Patent  Rights  invariably 
do  so  at  a  time  when  their  imagination  is  aroused 
to  a  point  where  all  is  sunshine  and  brightness. 

But  as  soon  as  their  ardor  cools  off  their  ener- 
gies become  dormant,  and  by  the  time  they  are 
ready  to  commence  business  they  are  as  unfit  to 
do  so  as  they  were  visionary  in  making  the  pur- 
chase. 

An  invention  of  merit  will  never  be  sold  by 
County  or  State  rights.  There  are  any  number  of 
capitalists  ready  and  willing  to  invest  in  the  man- 
ufacture of  an  invention  of  practical  use.  In 
such  cases  any  territory  would  be  considered  too 
valuable  to  dispose  of. 

Hence  it  should  be  borne  in  mind  that,  as  a 
rule,  to  invest  in  specified  territory  is  to  purchase 
an  absolutely  worthless  invention. 

The  man  who  consummates  the  sale  \rill  sel- 
dom have  the  satisfaction  of  reali:?ing  that  he  nas 
Cfi^'frt  vail  IP  r'^rpn'e'l 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF  HUS'UNG.  27 1 

And  \ntliout  giving  value  received,  under  all 
circumstances,  (whether  in  Patent  Rights  or  any 
other  business),  no  man  need  look  for  or  expect 
success. 

As  experience  is  a  dear  teacher,  let  the  inexpe- 
rienced take  heed  from  one  who  knows ^  and  give 
all  business  of  this  character  a  wide  berth. 

Upon  reaching  Adrian,  I  discarded  the  carpet- 
bag and  bought  a  small  valise,  with  which  I  at 
once  began  business;  and  that  night  prepared 
more  stock  for  the  next  day. 

I  commenced  by  taking  the  most  aristocratic 
portion  of  the  city,  canvassing  every  street  and 
number  systematically,  with  good  success. 

One  day,  after  I  had  succeeded  in  making 
enough  money  to  buy  a  baby  carriage,  which  I 
forwarded  to  my  wife,  and  had  a  few  dollars  left, 
I  was  arrested  for  selling  from  house  to  house 
without  a  license.  I  explained  to  the  officer  that 
I  hadn't  the  slightest  idea  that  I  was  obliged  to 
have  one.  He  said  I  must  go  before. the  city 
magistrate,  and  demanded  that  I  should  accom- 
pany him,  which  I  did. 

The  old  wolf  lectured  me  as  if  I  had  been  a 
regular  boodler,  and  then  imposed  a  fine  which 
exceeded  the  amount  in  my  possession  by  about 


?.72  TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'LING. 

I  asked  what  the  penalty  would  be  if  I  didn't 
pay. 

He  said  I  would  have  to  go  to  jail. 
"  Well,"  said  I,  "  I  haven't  money  enough  to 
»)ay  my  fine,  and  guess  you  might  as  well  lock 
me  up  for  the  whole  thing  as  a  part  of  it." 

In  answer  to  the  query  "  how  much  cash  I 
had,"  I  laid  it  all  on  his  desk  ;  and  as  he  counted 
and  raked  it  in,  he  said : 

"  Very  well,  J  will  suspend  your  sentence." 
I  then  asked  if  I  could  have  the  privilege  of 
selling  the  balance  of  the  day,  so  as  to  take  in 
money  enough  to  get  out  of  town  with. 
He  said  I  could. 

I  invoiced  my  stock  in  trade  and  found  I  had 
just  thirteen  bottles  of  polish  on  hand,  and  im- 
mediately went  to  work. 

The  second  house  at  which  I  called  was  a  new 
and  unfinished  one,  and  I  was  obliged  to  enter 
from  the  back  way.  I  found  three  or  four  very 
polite  and  pleasant  ladies,  to  whom  I  showed  my 
polish, — without  efiecting  a  sale,  however. 

When  ready  to  leave  the  house  I  noticed  three 
doors  in  a  row,  exactly  alike.  I  was  certain  that 
the  middle  one  was  the  one  through  which  I  had 
entered       Accordintrlv,  facing  the  ladies  and  po- 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'UNG.  273 

litely  thanking  them  for  their  kind  attention,  and 
when  just  about  saying  good-bye,  I  opened  the 
door  and  stepped  back  to  close  it  after  me,  when 
I  heard  one  of  the  ladies  scream  at  the  top  of  her 
voice. 

It  was  too  late. 

I  had  disappeared — gone  out  of  sight — where, 
I  didn't  know.  But  I  realized  when  I  struck  that 
I  had  alighted  full  weight  on  my  valise  of  furniture 
polish.  It  was  total  darkness,  and  I  heard  voices 
saying : 

"  What  a  pity !  What  a  shame  1  Do  send  for 
some  one." 

Then  the  outside  cellar  door  opened,  letting  in 
daylight  as  well  as  a  little  light  on  the  situation. 

The  lady  of  the  house  had  quickly  come  to  my 
rescue  by  this  entrance. 

She  hastily  explained  that  the  house  was  un- 
finished, and  that  they  had  not  yet  put  stairs  in 
their  cellar-way,  from  the  inside. 

I  thanked  her  for  the  kind  information,  but  re- 
minded her  that  it  was  unnecessarj  io  explain, 
as  I  fully  comprehended  the  situation. 

I  then  picked  up  a  shovel  standing  by,  and 
after  digging  a  deep  hole  in  the  very  spot  where 
I  had  struck  in  a  sitting  posture,  I  emptied  the 


274  TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'LING. 

broken  bottles  and  polish  into  it.  After  covering 
it  up,  and  shaping  and  rounding  the  top  dirt  like 
a  grave,  I  said  to  the  ladies,  as  they  stood  by 
watching  the  proceedings : 

"  Not  dead,  but  busted.  Here  lie  the  remains 
of  my  last  fortune.  If  you  wish  to  erect  a  mon- 
ument to  the  memory  of  this  particular  incident 
you  have  my  consent  to  do  so.  Good  da}?-,  ladies, 
good  day." 

With  my  empty  valise  I  then  returned  to  Mr. 
Hart's  drug  store,  where  I  had  previously  bought 
my  stock,  and  at  once  ordered  a  small  lot  put  up, 
to  be  ready  the  next  morning. 

From  there  I  w^nt  to  the  hotel,  and  in  conver- 
sation with  a  scholarly  looking  gentleman,  learned 
that  he  was  a  lawyer.  I  told  him  of  my  arrest, 
and  the  reasons  assigned  for  it,  when  he  informed 
me  that  no  town  in  the  United  States  had  any  le- 
gal right  to  exact  a  license  from  me,  if  I  manu- 
factured my  own  goods. 

I  then  decided  to  remain  there  as  long  as  I 
could  do  well.  The  lawyer  said  if  I  would  do  so 
he  would  defend  me  gratuitously  if  I  were  mo- 
lested again. 

I  thanked  him,  and  said : 

"  Mv  dear   mV,  it   ic   vprv  Vind  of  ynn   to  nffei 


TWENTY    YEARS   Ob    HUS'LING.  275 

your  services  should  I  need  them — very  kind  in- 
deed; and  as  one  good  turn  deserves  another, 
suppose  you  loan  me  two  dollars  to  pay  the  drug- 
gist for  my  stock  in  trade  ?" 

"  Certainly,  sir,  certainly.  Glad  to  do  so,"  he 
answered,  as  he  handed  me  a  two-dollar  bill. 

He  then  asked  me  to  "  take  something." 

"  No,  thank  you  ;  I  never  drink." 

"  Well,  take  a  cigar  won't  you  ?" 

"  I  never  smoke,  either,"  I  answered. 

"The  devil  you  don't!  Well,  this  certainly 
isn't  your  first  experience  in  business,  is  it?"  was 
his  next  query. 

"  Hardly ;  but  why  should  a  man  drink  or 
smoke  just  because  he  may  have  been  in  busi- 
ness for  some  time?" 

"  True  enough,"  said  he,  "  and  had  I  always 
let  drink  alone  I  could  have  been  a  rich  man ;  and 
I'll  never  take  another  drop." 

"  I  hope  you  won't,"  I  replied. 

He  then  stepped  forward,  and  taking  me  by 
the  hand,  said : 

"  Young  man,  I  can't  remember  of  ever  before 
asking  a  man  to  drink  with  me  who  abruptly  re- 
fused; and  I  consider  yours  an  exceptionally 
rare  case,  considering^  tlia.T  T  had  just  done  y<^u  a 


^70  TWENTY    VEAkS   (JP    HUS'LING 

favor,  and  would  hardly  expect  3'ou  to  refuse. 
Now,  sir,  although  you  are  a  much  yo.unger  man 
than  I  am,  your  conduct  in  this  particular  in- 
stance will  do  me  a  world  of  good  ;  and  although 
you  are  not  worth  a  single  dollar  to-day,  if  you 
will  always  refrain  from  drinking,  keep  your 
head  level  and  attend  to  business,  you  will  be  a  rich 
man  some  day.  Now,  remember  what  I  tell  you." 
I  told  him  if  I  met  with  the  same  success  in 
the  future  as  in  the  past,  I  felt  certain  of  the 
need  of  a  level  head  to  manage  my  business. 

He  assured  me  that  no  matter  what  the  past 
had  been, — the  more  rocky  it  had  been,  the 
smoother  the  future  would  be. 

I  worked  in  Adrian  about  two  weeks,  meeting 
with  splendid  success,  which  of  course  enabled 
me  to  return  the  two  dollars  to  my  newly-made 
friend.  From  there  I  M-ent  to  Hillsdale,  and  at  a 
drug  store  kept  b}^  French  &  Son,  I  bought  the 
ingredients  for  the  manufacture  of  my  polish. 

It  was  my  custom  to  take  down  the  names  of 
every  housekeeper  who  patronized  me,  and  read 
them  to  the  next  person  I  called  upon. 

When  I  started  out  in  the  morning,  on  my  '.rst 
day's  work,  Mr.  Frencli's  son  laughed  at  me,  aihi 
said  he  guessed  T  wouldn't  scT;  nmch  o^  my  ■ 


TWENTY    VEaKS  of    HUS'LING.  277 

Oil  returning  to  the  store  at  noon  he  inquired 
with  considerable  interest  how  business  was. 

I  reported  the  sale  of  over  a  dozen  bottles, — 
small  ones  at  fift}''  cents  and  large  ones  at  one 
dollar.  He  seemed  to  doubt  my  word,  and  asked 
to  see  my  list  of  names.  I  read  them  to  him, 
and  as  we  came  to  the  name  of  Mrs.  French  he 
threw  up  both  hands  and  said : 

''  I'll  bet  you  never  sold  her  a  bottle.  Why, 
she  is  my  mother!" 

"  No  matter  if  she  is  your  grandmother ;  I  sold 
her  one  of  the  dollar  bottles."  "  - 

He  cried  out : 

"  Great  Heavens !  father,  come  here  and  see 
W'hat  this  man  has  done.  He  has  sold  mother  a 
four-ounce  bottle  of  dope  for  a  dollar,  that  he 
buys  fi-om  us  by  the  gallon !" 

Mr.  French,  Sr.  said  he  guessed  there  must  be 
some  mistake  about  that.  I  assured  him  it  was  true. 

Then  the  3^ouug  man  suddenl}^  exclaimed : 

"  See  here,  I  wish  you  would  go  to  my  house 
aud  see  if  you  can  sell  my  wife  a  bottle.  She 
always  prides  herself  on  getting  rid  of  agents." 

"  Well,  I  wonder  if  your  mother  doesn't  think 
she  can  'fire  them  out'  pretty  well,  too?"  inquired 
the  father. 


278  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'UNG. 

"  Yes,  but  ni  bet  be  can't  sell  to  my  wife," 
ejaculated  tbe  young  man. 

"  Tell  me  where  you  live." 

He  pointed  out  the  house,  and  said  he  would 
not  go  to  dinner  till  I  reported. 

I  made  the  call,  and  returned  in  about  thirty 
minutes  with  two  dollars  of  his  wife's  money. 
She  had  taken  one  bottle  for  herself  and  one  foi 
her  mother-in-law,  Mrs.  French. 

This  greatly  pleased  both  the  young  man  and 
his  father ;  and  the  latter  said  it  was  worth  ten 
times  the  price  to  them,  as  they  would  now  have 
a  case  to  present  to  their  wives  that  would  ever 
after  cure  them  of  patronizing  agents. 

I  assured  them  that  their  wives  had  actually 
purchased  an  article  superior  to  anything  they 
could  produce.  They  said  it  didn't  matter — it 
had  all  come  from  their  store,  if  they  didn't  know 
bow  to  make  it. 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUS'UNG.  279 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

MY  COPARTNERSHIP  WITH  A  CLAIRVOYANT  DOC- 
TOR —  OUR  LIVELY  TRIP  FROM  YPSILANTI 
TO  PONTIAC,  MICHIGAN  —  POOR  SUCCESS — 
THE  DOCTOR  AND  HIS  IRISH  PATIENT — MY 
PRESCRIPTION  FOR  THE  DEAF  WOMAN — COL- 
LAPSED, AND.  IN   DEBT   FOR   BOARD. 

I  remained  at  this  town  about  a  fortnight,  when 
I  received  a  letter  from  an  old  acquaintance  then 
in  Toledo,  Ohio,  but  who  had  formerly  practiced 
medicine  in  Bronson,  Michigan. 

He  urged  me  to  join  him  at  once,  to  take  an  in- 
terest in  the  most  gigantic  scheme  ever  conceived. 

The  Doctor  was  a  veritable  Colonel  Sellers. 

His  hair  and  moustache  were  snowy  white. 

He  wore  a  pair  of  gold  spectacles,  and  carried  a 
gold-headed  cane ;  and  altogether,  was  quite  a 
distinguished-looking  individual. 

He  was  of  a  nervous  temperament — quick  in  ac- 
tion and  speech ;  and  would  swear  like  a  pirate, 
and  spin  around  like  a  jumping-jack  when  agi- 
tated in  the  least. 


28o  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'LING. 

I  took  the  first  train  for  Toledo,  and  was  soon 
ushered  into  the  Doctor's  private  room  at  the  ho- 
tel.    Without  any  preliminaries  he  said  to  me : 

''  Well  sir,  Johnston,  I'm  a  Clairvoyant — a 
Clair\^oyant,  sir.  By  laying  my  hands  on  the 
table,  in  this  manner,  I  can  tell  a  lad}'  just  how- 
old  she  is,  how  long  she  has  been  married,  how 
many  children  she  has,  and  if  she  is  ailing  I  can 
tell  just  what  her  complaint  is,  and  how  long  she 
has  been  sick,  and  all  about  her." 

"  Can't  you  tell  as  much  about  a  man  as  you 
can  about  a  woman?" 

"  Well,    it,  I   s'pose   I   can,  all  but  the 

children  part  of  it." 

He  wanted  me  to  act  as  his  agent,  and  I  should 
have  half  the  profits. 

We  decided  to  go  through  Michigan.  I  wrote 
up  a  circular,  and  sent  a  notice  fo  a  couple  of 
towns  to  be  printed  in  their  local  papers. 

The  Doctor  said  he  would  pay  all  expenses  till 
we  got  started  ;  consequently  I  sent  what  money 
I  liad  to  my  wife. 

We  visited  several  towns,  meeting  with  no  suc- 
cess and  constantly  running  behind- -principall}' 
on  account  of  the  Doctor's  lack  of  proficiency  as 
a   Clairvoyant. 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF  HUS'LING.  28 1 

I  was  anxious  to  return  to  my  furniture  polisli 
but  tlie  Doctor  would  have  nothing  of  the  kind 
He  declared  himself  a  gentleman  of  too  much  re- 
finement and  dignity  to  allow  a  man  in  his  com- 
pany to  descend  to  peddling  from  house  to  house. 

I  concluded  to  stay  with  him  till  his  money 
gave  out. 

At  Ypsilanti  our  business,  as  usual,  was  a  total 
failure.  The  Doctor  said  he  knew  of  a  town 
where  we  would  be  sure  to  meet  with  the  grand- 
est success.     The  name  of  the  town  was  Pontiac. 

I  at  once  sent  notices  to  the  papers  there,  and 
some  circulars  to  the  landlord  of  one  of  the  ho- 
tels, announcing  the  early  arrival  of  the  celebra- 
ted Clairvoyant  physician,  Doctor . 

The  Doctor  was  so  very  sanguine  of  success  in 
this  particular  town,  that  we  built  our  hopes  on 
making  a  small  fortune  in  a  very  short  time. 
Consequently  we  talked  about  it  a  great  deal. 

Whenever  it  became  necessary  to  speak  of  Pon- 
tiac, I  found  it  almost  impossible  to  remember 
the  name  ;  but  the  name  Pocahontas  would  inva- 
riably come  to  my  mind  in  its  stead. 

This  caused  me  so  much  annoyance  that  I  pro- 
posed to  the  doctor  that  we  call  it  thus.  This  he 
agreed  to.  nnd  thereafter  Pontinr  was  dead  to  us, 


282  TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUSXING 

and  Pocahontas  arose  from  its  ashes.  We  very 
soon  became  so  accustomed  to  the  change  as  to 
be  unable  to  think  of  the  right  name  when  neces 
sary  to  do  so. 

When  we  were  ready  to  leave  Ypsilanti  we 
walked  to  the  depot,  not,  of  course,  because  it  was 
expensive  to  ride,  but  just  for  exercise,  "  you 
know." 

On  our  way,  the  Doctor  happened  to  think  that 
we  must  leave  orders  at  the  post  office  to  have 
our  mail  forwarded. 

I  accompanied  him  there.  He  stepped  up  to 
the  delivery  window  and  said : 

"  My  name   is    Doctor .     If  any   mail 

comes  for  me  here,  please  forward  it  to  Pocahor- 
tas." 

"  Pocahontas  ?"  the  clerk  queried. 

*'  Yes  sir,  Pocahontas,  I^Iichigan."  ^ 

"  I  guess  you're  mistaken.  Doctor, — at  leasi 
I " 

"  Not  by  a  dang  sight !  I  guess  I  know  where 
I  am  going,"  was  the  Doctor's  answer. 

I  began  laughing,  and  started  to  lesve,  when 
the  Doctor  saw  his  blunder  and  said,  excitedly : 

"  No,  nc  '  My  mistake ;  my  miptake,  Mr. 
clerk.  "^  n:  an — I  mean — dang  it! — Dod  blast 
',{]     \\h::\     M  '    T    U)e«n  ?      "W^— -o    am     )     ^nii'  '? 


TWENTTf    YEARS   OF    HUS'LING.  283 

Where  the  devil  is  it  ?  Why  you  kuow,  don't 
you?  Dang  it!  where  is  it?  Johnston,  you 
devilish  fool !  come  and  tell  this  man  the  name 
of  that  cussed  town.  Why  it's  Poca — no,  no ; 
here,  Johnston,  I  knew  you  would  make  consum- 
mate fools  of  us.     I  knew  it  all  the  time." 

By  this,  time  several  people  had  gathered  about, 
and  were  interested  listeners,  while  the  clerk 
gazed  through  the  window  \vith  a  look  of  sympa- 
thy for  the  man  he  no  doubt  thought  insane. 

I  couldn't,  to  save  me,  think  of  the  right  name, 
and  immediately  started  towards  the  depot,  leav- 
ing the  Doctor  to  settle  the  mail  matter. 

Directly  he  came  tearing  down  the  street,  up 
to  where  I  stood. 

I  was  laughing  immoderately  at  his  blunder. 
He  threw  down  his  old  valise,  and  said : 

"  You  are  a smart  man,  you  are !    Just 

see  what  a  cussed  fool  you  made  of  yourself 
and -' 

"  Well,"  I  interrupted,  "  never  mind  me,  Doc- 
tor, how  did  it  happen  that  you  didn't  make  a 
fool  oi yourself  T'' 

*'  I  did ;  I  did,  sir,  until  I  explained  what  an 
infernal  fool  you  were. 


284  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'LING. 

"  Think  of  it  ?  No !  Of  course  I  didu't  think 
of  it,  you  idiot.  I  have  no  idea  of  ever  getting  it 
right  again." 

We  had  to  go  to  Detrbit,  and  there  change 
cars  for  our  destination.  On  our  way  there  the 
Doctor  took  matters  very  seriously,  and  said  I 
was  j  ust  one  of  that  kind  that  was  always  doing 
something  to  make  an  everlasting  fool  of  myself 
and  every  one  else. 

When  we  arrived  at  Detroit  he  handed  me  the 
money  for  our  fare. 

We  walked  to  the  ticket  office,  and  I  laid  down 
the  money  and  said:  "  Two  tickets  to  Pocahontas." 

"  Poca — what?"  said  the  agent.  "Where  in 
the  deuce  is  that  ?" 

I  turned  to  the  Doctor  and  said : 

"  Great  Heavens!  Where  are  we  going?  Tell 
me  the  name." 

"  Oh,  you  cussed  fool,  you  ought  to  be  dumped 
into  the  Detroit  River  1  See  what  j^ou  have  done !" 

At  this  he  began  to  prance  around,  tearing 
backwards  and  forwards  and  swearing  at  the  top 
of  his  voice,  calling  me  all  manner  of  names,  and 
at  last  said  to  the  agent : 

"  We  are  both  infernal  fools,  and  don't  know 
where  we  are  going:  but  ii(">  one  ir.  to  bl'^rnf  bu> 
^l);lt  irliot  o-ver  tb  nu 


TWKNTV    YEARS  OF   HUS'UNO.  Z6^ 

I  then  said  to  the  people  gathered  around, 
looking  on  with  a  mixture  of  surprise  and  curi* 
osity: 

"  Gentlemen,  we  are  on  our  way  to  some  towD 
with  an  Indian  name.'"' 

One  mau  suggested  Ypsilanti. 
"Oh,  Ypsilanti!"  the  Doctor shrieke 
where  we  came  from." 

Another  said  Pontiac. 

"There,  there,  that's  it!"  the  Doctoi  cried. 
"  Now  buy  your  tickets,  and  let's  go  aboard  the 
train  before  we  get  locked  up!" 

I  secured  the  tickets,  making  sure  that  they 
read  Pontiac,  and  we  boarded  the  train. 

The  Doctor  took  a  seat  by  himself,  and  while 
sitting  there,  looked  at  me  over  his  spectacles, 
ivith  his  plug  hat  on  the  back  of  his  head,  and 
nis  chin  resting  on  his  cane.  He  continued  to 
make  the  atmosphere  blue,  in  a  quiet  way,  and 
repeatedly  referred  to  the  fact  that  we  must  cer- 
tainly have  appeared  like  two  very  brilliant  trav- 
eling men. 

I  was  beginning  to  feel  that  I  had  caused  con- 
siderable trouble  and  humiliation. 

Suddenl}^  the  Doctor  jumped  to  his  feet,  and 
starting  from  the  car  on  a  Vun,  cried  out: 


286  TWENTY    YEARS   Ob    HUS*UNO. 

"Good    —   II  haven't  re-checked  my  trunk .' 

I  ran  after  him.  He  made  a  bee  line  for  the 
baggage  room,  and  rushing  up  to  the  founterj 
threw  down  his  check  and  yelled  : 

"  For  —  's  sake,  hurry  up  and  re-check  my 
trunk  before  the  train  leaves."  * 

"  Where  to  ?"  asked  the  baggage-man. 

"To  Pocahontas  I"  screamed  the  Doctor. 

"  Poca-the-devil !"  said  the  agent. 

Then  began  a  genuine  circus.  Neither  of  us 
could  think  of  the  right  -**'je,  and  the  train  waa 
to  leave  in  less  than  three  minutes. 

The  Doctor  began  to  hop  up  and  down,  swear- 
ing like  a  trooper,  swinging  his  cane  and  looking 
at  me,  and  cried  out  at  the  very  top  of  his  voice . 

"  Tell  the  man  where  we're  going,  you  idiotic 
fool  I  You're  to  blame,  and  you  ought  to  have 
your  infernal  neck  broken.  Why  dou't  you  tell 
the  man  ?  Tell  him — tell  him,  you  idiot  I  Great 
I  if  that  train  leaves  us,  I'll " 

The  threat  was  interrupted  by  the  baggageman 
putting  his  head  through  the  window  and  saying*. 

"There's  an  Insane  Asylum  being  biiilt  at 
Pontiac.     Perhaps  that's  where '* 

"  That's  the  place — that's  where  we  want  to  ga 
Check  'er.  c\>eck  'er.  check  'er  quick  f  tb*=  ^^"oc 
ID/Vcllef'       r»-  teaid- 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUSTLING  2S7 

"There I  you  infernal  fool,  now  1  hope  you 
feel  satisfied,"  and  in  a  low  tone  said : 

*'  Look  at  this  crowd  of  people  you  have 
attracted  here." 

"  Well,  what's  the  difference  ?  They'll  think 
1  am  taking  you  to  the  Insane  Asylum,  so  that 
lets  us  out." 

"The  devil  they  will!  They'll  think  it's 
you  that's  crazy.  Didn't  I  tell  them  you  were 
a  fool  ? 

The  trunk  was  put  on  none  too  soon,  and 
the  Doctor  continued  to  abuse  me  to  his 
heart's  content  during  nearly  the  whole 
distance, 

I  was  too  much  pleased  to  do  anything  but 
laugh ;  and  what  made  it  more  ridiculous  to 
me,  was  that  the  Doctor  could  see  nothing  funny 
about  it,  and  never  cracked  a  smile.  He  kept 
harping  on  the  undignified  position  it  had  placed 
him  in.  I  remained  quiet,  and  let  him  cuss,  till 
at  last  he  quieted  down.  A  few  moments  later 
the  conductor  passed  through  the  car,  and  the 
Doctor,  looking  up  over  his  spectacles,  said : 

"  Conductor,  aren't  we  almost  to  Poca- 
hantas ?" 

"  Almost  where  ?" 

"  I  mean — I  mean,  well  dang  itl  never  mind, 

never  mind,"  he  stammered. 

At  this,  h'^   iumped   to  his  feet,  starting  for 
'9 


288  TWENTY     YEARS   Or    HUS'LING. 

the  front  car,  turned  and  looked  at  me,  and  while 
shaking  his  cane,  yelled  as  he  passed  out : 

"Laugh!  you  infernal  fool,  laugh!"  And 
the  door  slammed. 

On  arriving  at  Pontiac,  just  as  the  train  was 
stopping  T  looked  into  the  front  car  and  saw  the 
Doctor  rising  from  his  seat.  I  opened  the  door, 
and  changing  the  tone  of  my  voice,  sang  out, 
''Pocahontas!"  and  dodged  back  into  the  car 
and  took  my  seat. 

The  Doctor  came  out  onto  the  platform,  and 
looking  in,  saw  me  sitting  there,  apparently  asleep. 

He  opened  jtlie  door  and  said : 

"  Come  on,  Johnston ;  we  are  at  Poca — come 
on — come  on,  you  dang  fool ;  don't  you  know 
ivhere  we  are  ?" 

I  jumped  to  my  feet  and  went  out  sleepiU'.  rub- 
bing my  eyes,  and  told  him  I  was  glad  he  woke 
me  up. 

*'  Yes,  I  should  think  you  would  be ;  but  I  was 
a  fool  that  I  didn't  let  3-ou  stay  there.  The  devil 
Knows  where  you  would  have  landed." 

I  suggested  that  I  might  have  brought  up  at 
Pocahontas. 

"Great  Heavens!  don't  mention  that  name  tc 
mo  agaic." 


TWENTY    YEARS  Oh    HUb  l.iNG.  289 

After  registering  at  the  hotel  and  settling  in  a 
room  we  began  discussing  our  prospects.  But  in 
a  few  minutes  the  Doctor  said : 

"Johnston,  we  have  simply  raised  the  devil." 

"How  so?" 

"  Why,  do  you  know,  the  whole  dang  Railroad 
company  have  got  to  calling  this  town  Pocahon- 
tas !" 

"  I  guess  not." 

"  But,  by  the  Eternal  Gods !  I  know  it  is  so. 
When  our  train  stopped  at  the  depot,  the  brake 
man  opened  the  door  and  yelled,  '  Pocahontas !' 
at  the  top  of  his  voice." 

"  O,  thunder!  Doctor;  you  have  been  so  ex- 
cited all  night  that  you  couldn't  tell  what  he 
called." 

"  I  couldn't  ?  "he  thundered  out.  "  Don't  you 
s'pose  I  could  tell  the  difference  between  Poca- 
hontas and — and — well,  Johnston,  you  cussed 
fool,  I'll  never  be  able  to  call  this  infernal  town 
by  its  right  name  again.     I  am  going  to  retire." 

We  remained  at  that  hotel  but  one  day,  not  be- 
ing able  to  make  satisfactory  rates,  besides  being 
dunned  for  our  board  in  advance. 

We  then  called  on  an  elderly  widow  lady  who 
was  mnninjE:  a  fourth-class  hotel.     She  seemed 


290  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'LING. 

favorably  impressed  with  the  Doctor,  which  fact 
made  us  feel  quite  comfortable,  for  the  time  be- 

I  "  hus'led  '*  out  with  a  lot  of  handbills,  which 
I  scattert-d  over  the  town,  and  returned  to  the  ho- 
tel to  await  results. 

The  first  afternoon  there  came  a  middle-aged 
Irish  woman  to  consult  the  doctor  while  in  a 
Clairvoyant  state.  He  seated  her  opposite  him- 
self, put  his  hands  on  the  table,  lookecj  ^vise,  and 
began  : 

"  Madam  you  have  been  married  several  years^ 
and  have  three  children.  You  are  forty-six  years 
of  age,  have  been  afflicted  several  years,  and  have 
a  cancer  in  the  stomach.  It  will  cost  you  twenty 
dollars  for  medicine  enough  to  last  you " 

"  To  last  me  a  life-time,  I  s'pose,"  she  cried 
out,  and  continued:  **Docther,  me  dear  old 
man,  you're  an  old  jackass!  a  hombug,  a  hyp- 
ocrite and  an  imposcher!  Sure,  I  niver  had  a 
married  husband,  and  a  divil  of  a  choild  am  I  the 
mither  of  I  am  liss  than  thirty-foive,  and  a 
healthier,  more  robust  picture  of  humanity  niver 
stood  before  3^our  domm  miserable  gaze  I  The 
cancer  in  me  stomick  is  no  more  nor  h'ss  than  a 
pain  in  me  left  shoulder,  which  any  domn  fool  of 


TWKiNTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'LING 


5oOT>    DAV.  T-.-' EP 


-)OT)   '^AV PA  Or,    20^ 


TWENTY   YKi^RS  OF  HUS'UNG.  293 

a  docther  wud  know  was  the  rheumatics.  To  the 
divil  wid  yer  domned  impostorousness  and  highfa- 
lutin  hombuggery  !  Good  day,  Docther,  darlint ; 
good  day.  May  the  divil  transmogrify  you  into 
a  less  pretentious  individual,  wid  more  brains 
and  a  domm  sight  less  impecuniosity !" 

Our  landlady  had  converted  the  upstairs  sitting 
room  into  a  reception  room  and  private  office  for 
the  Doctor,  by  drawing  a  heavy  curtain  as  a  par- 
tition. It  was  my  duty  to  remain  in  the  recep- 
tion half  of  the  room  to  entertain  the  callers, 
while  the  Doctor  was  occupied  in  the  consulta- 
tion half,  with  the  patient.  Therefore  I  had  a 
grand  opportunity  to  witness  the  scene  with  our 
Celtic  patient,  by  peeking  between  the  curtains. 

The  Doctor  was  fairly  paralyzed,  and  had  a 
ghastly,  sickening  expression  of  countenance 
during  the  interview. 

He  made  no  attempt  to  speak  further. 

As  she  passed  out  and  slammed  the  door  be- 
'hind  ter,  I  opened  the  curtains  and  cried  out : 

"Change  Cars  for  Pocahontas  I" 

The  Doctor  began  to  rave  and  plunge  and 
swear  by  note. 

He  said  I  had  no  better  sense  than  to  try  to 
make  .a  ^^nriosity  of  him.  Rud   T  would   make  a 


^94  TWENTY  YEARS  OF   HUS'LING. 

-  sight  better  blower  for  a  side-show  than 
:raveling  agent  for  a  celebrated  physiciau ;  aud 
that  if  I  had  the  pluck  of  a  sick  kitten,  I  would 
have  thrown  that  old  Irish  woman  out,  rather 
than  sit  there  and  snicker  at  her  tirade  and  abuse 
of  him. 

In  a  few  minutes  a  lady  of  German  extraction 
called.  The  Doctor  was  in  no  very  fit  condition 
of  mind  to  go  into  a  state  of  Clairv^oyance. 

With  the  excuse  that  business  was  too  press- 
ing to  take  time  to  do  so,  he  asked  the  lady  to  ex- 
plain her  affliction.    In  broken  English  she  said: 

"  Obber  you  don't  kan  do  vat  you  vas  advertise- 
ment, I  go." 

"  Well,  dang  it,  sit  down,  then,"  growded  the 
Doctor ;  and  placing  a  chair  for  her,  came  to  the 
Dartition  and  said  to  me,  in  an  under-tone : 

"  Now,  you  blamed  fool,  if  you  can't  be  digni- 
fied you  had  better  leave." 

"  All  right,  Doctor ;  but  you  may  need  me  to 
throw  her  out,  so  Til  sta3\" 

He  rejoiced  his  patient  and  went  through  with 
bis  usual  mysterious  performances,  and  said  : 

"  Madam,  yoa  are  of  German  descent." 

"Yah,  yah,  das  ish  so,"  she  answered. 

*  Your  weight  is  about  two  hundred  pounds,'' 
was  his  next  ve 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'UNG.  295 

"  Yali,  yah  ;  das  ish  so  too,"  she  replied.  "  How 
you  vas  know  all  dem  tings  ?" 

"  You  are  not  married -" 

"  Vas?"  she  began,  almost  tenor-stricken. 

" ^long,"  he  interposed. 

"  Oh,  you  mean  not  married  long  time,  Doc« 
tor?     Das  ist  schust  right." 

"You  are  twenty-two  years  of  age,  and  the 
mother  of  one  child,"  he  next  ventured. 

"  How  you  vas  know  all  dot  ?"  she  asked,  ex- 
citedly. 

"  You  can  be  cured,  madam ;  but  it  will  take 
some  little  time  to  do  it,  and  you  must  take  my 
medicine  exactly  as  I  direct  you." 

"  How  mooch  costen  ?" 

"  Twenty  dollars  for  the  first  lot  of  medicine, 
and  when  that  is  gone  I'll  see  you  again." 

She  then  said : 

"  Vel,  Doctor,  I  youst  got  ten  dollar.  You  take 
dot,  und  I  pay  you  de  undter  ten  last  week." 

"  Not  much,"  said  the  Doctor,  firmly.  "  Twenty 
dollars  or  nothing." 

I  then  looked  in,  and  calling  him  to  me,  whis- 
pered : 

"  Great  Heavens !  don't  let  her  leave  with  that 
ten  dollars.     Take  it:  take  it  q  nick  I" 


296  TWENTY   YEARS  OF  HUS'LING. 

"  Well,  but  the  fool  wants  to  pay  the  balance 
last  week  instead  of  next  week." 

"  But  suppose  she  never  pays  ?  You  haven't 
even  told  her  what  her  complaint  is  yet ;  and  it's 
worth  ten  dollars  to  get  out  of  that." 

*^  Thunderation  I  haven't  I  told  her  that  yet?", 
he  asked,  in  great  excitement. 

I  assured  him  in  the  negative.  He  immedi- 
ately returned  to  the  patient  and  said : 

"  Well,  I  guess  I'll  let  you  pay  me  the  ten  dol- 
lars." 

"  But,  Doctor,"  she  ejaculated,  "  you  no  tell 
me  yet  where  am  I  sick." 

"  Indeed  I  did  tell  you,  and  I'll  not  tell  you 
again  unless  you  pa^^  me.'^ 

"  Nix,  Doctor ;  I  pays  no  monish  till  I  knows 
where  am  I  sick,"  and  she  abruptly  left  the  room. 

Then  ensued  another  stormy  scene.  The  Doe- 
tor  said  if  I  hadn't  called  him  to  me  and  com- 
menced whispering  around,  he  v/ould  have  get 
her  twenty  dollars,  sure, 

"  But  you  had  better  take  half  and  trust  for 
the  other  half  than  to  get  nothing  at  all,"  I  re- 
monstrated. 

"  Yes,"  said  the  Doctor,  still  unconvinced,  "and 
it   wouldn't   be   but   a   few    djys    till    eveijbody 


TWENTY    YEARS   OF   HUS'LING.  297 

would  be  owing  us  ;  and  we  never  could  collect  a 
cent." 

I  saw  the  utter  uselessness  and  foolishness  of 
an  argument  with  him,  and  said^no  more  and 
let  him  swear  it  out. 

Among  other  ills  that  the  Doctor  claimed  to  be 
an  expert  at  treating,  was  deafness,  and  we  so 
advertised. 

In  a  day  or  two  an  old  lady  called  while  the 
Professor  was  out. 

She  asked  if  I  were  the  Doctor,  and  turned  her 
left  ear  to  catch  my  reply. 

I  answered  in  a  professional  manner:  "Madam, 
you  are  deaf" 

"  Well,  you  are  right.  Doctor,  so  I  am ;  and  I 
thought  I  would  run  in  and  see  if  you  could  help 
me." 

I  stepped  to  the  Doctor's  instrument  case,  and 
picking  up  some  sort  of  a  weapon,  returned  to  the 
old  lady,  and  stretching  first  one  ear  open  and 
then  the  other,  after  making  sure  that  she  always 
turned  her  left  ear  to  me  to  hear,  I  said : 

Madam,  the  drum  of  your  right  ear  is  almost 
entirely  destroyed,  and  I  am  certain  there  is  no 
help  for  it .;  but  I  can  surely  help  your  left  ear." 

"  Well,  Doctor,  I  think   yon  know  your  busi- 


2gS  TWENTY    YEARS   OF    HUS'LING. 

ness,  for  I  certaiul}-  can  scarcely  hear  with 
my  light  ear.     How  much  will  it  cost  ? 

"Ten  dollars." 

"Well,  I  dgn't  want  to  pay  out  so  much 
now,  as  I  have  already  been  to  so  much  ex- 
pense with  it." 

"  Well,  you  pay  me  five  dollars,  and  owe 
me  the  balance,  to  be  paid  on  condition  that  I 
help  you." 

She  agreed  to  this,  and  handed  me  that  amount. 
I  was  at  a  loss  to  know  what  to  give  her, 
and  in  a  constant  fear  that  the  Doctor  would 
make  his  appearance  and  spoil  it  all. 

I  excused  myself,  and  stepping  back  to 
the  "  laboratory,"  began  searching  for  some- 
thing. At  last  I  happened  to  think  of  a 
French  moustache  wax  I  had  in  one  of  my 
pockets,  with  which  to  train  my  3'oung  and 
struggling  moustache.  I  quickly  brought 
forth  the  box,  soaked  the  paper  label,  and 
after  removing  itj  smoothed  the  top  of  the 
pomade  nicely  over,  wrapped  it  in  paper, 
and  gave  it  to  her  with  directions  for  use ; 
and  invited  her  to  call  again  and  let  me 
know  how  she  got  along.  ( As  1  recall  this 
experience,  my  only  cause  for  self-congratula- 
tion is,  that  what  1  gave  her  would  do  her  no 
harm,  if  it  did  no  good.) 


TWENTY   YKARS  OF  HUS'WJSw.  ^^ 


UTiivr.r.o. 


TWENir  YEARS  OF  HUS'LING.  30I 

She  had  no  sooner  made  her  exit  than  the  Doc- 
tor "  bobbed  up  serenely."  I  explained  to  him 
how  I  had  manipulated  things,  and  showed  him 
my  five  dollars. 

He  began  to  rip  and  tear  and  swear,  and  de- 
clared he  would  dissolve  partnership  with  me. 

He  said  I  would  ruin  his  reputation,  and  get 
us  both  in  jail. 

I  said :  "  Well,  Doctor,  I  of  course  wouldn't 
want  either  of  your  patients,  the  Irish  or  Dutch 
woman,  to  hear  of  this,  but  — — " 

"  Never  mind,  never  mind  about  my  patients. 
You  take  care  of  your  own,  and  1*11  do  the  same.'^ 

"  Oh,  thunder !  all  that  ails  you  is  that  you 
are  jealous  because  I  am  doing  more  business 
than  you  are." 

"  Holy  Moses !"  he  quickly  replied,  flying  into 
another  rage,  "  you  think  now,  you  know  more 
than  all  the  profession,  don't  you  ?" 

"  Well,  I  feel  that  I  have  something  to  be 
proud  of  We  have  been  out  nearly  three  weeks, 
and  I  have  taken  the  only  money  that  we  have 
received." 

He  then  wanted  to  know  if  I  didn't  expect  to 
turn  the  five  dollars  into  the  business.  I  tolci 
him  T  did,  but  thought  it  a  good  idea  for  n?  fet 


302  TWENTY   YEARS  OP   HUS'LING. 

get  out  some  special  circulars  advertising  myself, 
and  see  if  we  couldn't  raise  a  few  dollars. 

This  was  too  much  for  the  Doctor,  and  he  went 
off  "  like  shot  out  of  a  gun."  He  declared  me  a 
perfect  ass.     I  said  further : 

"  But,  Doctor,  I  think  I  am  superior  to  you  in 
one  respect." 

"In  what?" 

"  Well,  I  have  more  brains  than  impecuniosity, 
anyhow." 

This  was  the  signal  for  another  stampede. 

We  remained  there  several  days,  and  finally 
became  completely  stranded. 

The  Doctor  worried,  fretted,  stormed,  fumed, 
and  declared  that  I  was  to  blame  for  the  whole 
cussed  thing- 

I  then  began  to  talk  about  going  out  "  husH- 
ing  "  again. 

"Oh,  yes;  it's  well  enough  for  you  to  talk. 
You  can  '  hus'le,'  but  what  can  I  do  ?  I'd  look 
nice  running  around  peddling  your  cussed  old 
dope,  wouldu't  I  ?" 

I  remarked  that  I  thought  he  would  do  well 
among  the  Dutch  and  Irish,  if  he  didn't  use  too 
much  impecuniosity,  and  would  lear*»  to  take 
their  money  wheu  they  offered  i . ' 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF  HUS'LING.  303 

He  said  I  hadn't  the  sense  of  a  young  gosling, 
and  if  I  didn't  quit  twitting  him  of  those  things, 
he  would  pack  up  and  leave,  if  he  had  to  walk 
out  of  town.    I  said  to  him : 

"  Well,  Doctor,  if  you  do  start  out  on  foot,  I'd 
advise  you  to  take  a  few  bottles  of  my  Incompre- 
hensible Compound,  double-distilled  furniture 
and  piano  lustre." 

He  gszed  at  me  over  bis  spectacles  with  a 
sickly  smlie,  then  jumping  to  his  feet,  began  his 
customary  tirade,  and  pranced  back  and  forth 
like  a  caged  animal. 


304  TWBNTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'LINO. 


CHAPTER  XX. 

ENGAGED  TO  MANAGE  THE  HOTEL  —  THE  DOC- 
TOR MY  STAR  BOARDER — DISCHARGING  ALL 
THE  HELP  —  HIRING  THEM  OVER  AGAIN — 
THE  DOCTOR  AS  TABLE  WAITER — THE  LAND- 
LADY AND  THE  DOCTOR  COLLIDE — THE  AR- 
RIVAL OF  TWO  HUS'LERS — HOW  I  MANAGED 
THEM  —  THE  LANDLADY  GOES  VISITING— 
I  RE-MODELED  THE  HOUSE — MY  CHAMBER- 
MAID ELOPES  —  HIRING  A  DUTCHMAN  TO 
TAKE  HER  PLACE— DUTCHY  IN  DISGUISE— 
I  FOOLED  THE  DOCTOR — DUTCHY  AND  THE 
IRISH  SHOEMAKER. 

We  lield  frequent  consultations,  and  discussed 
the  situation  with  a  feeling  that  our  prospects 
were  not  the  brightest.  I  again  ventured  to  sug- 
gest that  I  ought  to  get  out  and  "  hus'le,"  as  win- 
ter would  soon  be  upon  \ir>,  and  my  family  would 
need  money. 

This  threw  him  into  a  frenzy  at  once,  and  he 
reminded  me  that  to  leave  him  there  in  that  pre- 
•licament  would  be  a  violation  of  faith  and  true 


TWENTY    YEARS  OK   HUS'UNG.  305 

business  principles.  He  seemed  determined  that 
we  should  live  or  die  together. 

One  day  I  said  to  him  : 

"  Doctor,  the  old  landlady  ought  to  have  some 
one  to  manage  her  business,  and " 

"  Well,"  he  quickly  answered,  "  I'd  make  d 
devilish  fine  appearance  trying  to  run  this  dizzy 
old  house,  wouldn't  I  ?" 

"  No,  but  why  couldn't  I  run  it,  and  you  be  my 
'star'  boarder?" 

"  Well,  that'll  do,  that'll  do ;  that's  different, 
quite  different." 

"  You  know.  Doctor,"  said  I,  "  we  are  in  debt 
^OT  board,  and  whatever  we  undertake  must  be 
done  with  much  care  and  precision.  Now,  you 
go  to  the  old  landlady  and  tell  her  I  am  a  practi- 
cal hotel  man,  and  the  most  trustworthy,  ener- 
getic, economical  and  pushing  sort  of  fellow  you 
ever  knew ;  and  that  she  ought  to  hire  me  to 
take  full  charge  of  the  house." 

This  idea  pleased  him  mightily,  and  he  said 
"le  believed  he  could  fix  it,  and  would  try. 

'  Yes,  I  believe  you  can,  if  it  can  be  done,  for 
I  know  the  old  lady  is  a  little  bit  gone  on  you, 
any  how.  I  remember  of  seeing  you  and  her  in 
the  up-stairs  hall,  the  other  day,  talking  in  a  wa^ 
thnt  =ihowed  pretf*''  '♦'hingfs  siano. 


3i06  TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'LING. 

"  Well  there !"  lie  screamed,  "  that's  the  latest 
Now  you'll  have  something  else  to  harp  on,  you 
young  scapegrace,  and  without  the  slightest  foun- 
dation for  it.  Do  you  think  I  am  a  fool  ?  Do 
you  think  I'd  recommend  j^ou  to  that  old  lady, 
when  you  are  on  the  verge  of  scandalizing  both 
her  and  myself?  Not  much — not  much,  sir ;  and 
I'll  sue  you  for  slander  if  you  ever  hint  such  a 
thing;  and  I'll  get  judgment,  too,  and " 

"  Yes,"  I  interrupted,  "  and  I  suppose  you 
would  attach  my  dozen  bottles  of  Incomprehensi- 
ble Compound  to  satisfy  the  judgment." 

I  then  convinced  him  that  I  was  only  joking. 
Shortly  afterwards  he  called  on  the  old  lady,  and 
did  as  I  requested. 

She  called  me  into  the  sitting-room  and  asked 
how  I  thought  I  would  like  to  take  charge  of  her 
house. 

I  told  her  I  would  take  the  position  provided  I 
could  have  full  charge  of  everything,  the  same 
as  if  I  owned  the  house. 

She  said  that  was  just  what  she  would  like,  and 
inquired  what  salary  I  wanted.  I  told  her  one 
hundred  dollars  per  month,  and  board  for  my 
family.  She  offered  me  seventy-five,  and  agreed 
fo  si^  papers 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'LING.  307 

I  accepted,  and  the  next  morning  took  posses- 
sion. 

My  first  move  was  to  call  the  help  all  together 
and  promptly  discharge  them.  The  old  lady 
tame  running  down  stairs,  as  soon  as  she  heard 
of  this,  and  demanded  an  explanation. 

I  reminded  her  that  I  was  landlord,  and  that  if 
she  would  retire  to  her  room  and  remain  there 
quietly,  all  would  come  out  right.  The  Doctor 
said  I  knew  less  about  running  a  hotel  than  I  did 
about  medicine,  or  I  never  would  have  done  such 
a  trick  as  that. 

I  waited  till  the  discharged  help  were  ready  to 
leave,  and  had  called  at  the  office  for  their  pay, 
when  I  began  a  compromise,  and  succeeded  in 
hiring  all  over  again  except  two  dining-room  girls, 
at  less  than  their  regular  wages.  But  I  promised 
an  increase  to  those  who  took  an  interest  and 
worked  for  an  advancement. 

The  Doctor  was  elated  with  the  prospects,  and 
fairly  danced  with  delight. 

"  And  now,  Johnston,  for  some  of  those  cream 
biscuit  you  have  told  us  about.  Now  you  have 
a  chance  to  see  how  it  is  yourself,  to  be  landlord." 

The  second  day  of  my  experience,  we  had  about 
^'ortv  extra  come  to  dinner—men  in  attendance 


3o8  TWENTY   YEARS   OF   HUS'UNG 

at  a  Convention.  I  was  short  of  help  in  the  din- 
ing room,  and  also  short  of  prepared  victuals 

I  immediately  visited  the  Doctor  in  his  apart- 
ment, explained  the  situation,  and  asked  why  he 
couldn't  come  into  the  dining  room  and  help  wait 
on  table.  He  protested  against  it,  but  I  gave 
him  to  understand  that  it  was  a  case  of  absolute 
necessity. 

He  swore  a  few  oaths,  and  said  it  showed  how 
much  sense  I  had,  to  discharge  my  help  the  first 
thing. 

As  an  incentive  for  him  to  act,  I  ventured  the 
remark  that  the  landlady  was  going  to  help,  and 
would  like  him  to  do  so  if  he  could. 

"  Is  she  going  to  help  ?  Well,  then,  all  right. 
I'll  help  you  out  this  one  time,  but  never  again.' 

I  took  him  to  the  dining  room,  and  after  he  took 
his  coat  off,  put  a  large  white  apron  on  him  and 
gave  him  a  few  instructions.  We  had  five  kinds  of 
meat,  and  I  posted  him  thoroughly  as  to  what  he 
should  say  to  the  guests. 

Directly  I  called  dinner,  and  the  tables  were 
soon  filled. 

The  Doctor  watched  from  the  kitchen  for  the 
cue  from  me  to  make  a  start.  When  I  gave  it  ho 
entered  in  his  shirt-sleeves,  with  the  large  apr  li 


TWENTY    YKAiltS   Ul'    HUS  LING. 


TWENTY   YEARS   OF   HUS'UNG.  3IJ 

on,  carrying  an  immense  tray  in  one  hand  and 
his  gold-headed  cane  in  the  other,  and  had 
forgotten  to  take  his  plug  hat  off.  It  was  setting 
ion  the  back  of  his  head,  and  his  appearance  was 
[grotesque  in  the  extreme. 

He  gave  me  a  look  of  disgust  as  he  marched 
in,  and  faltered  for  a  moment,  as  though  not  quite 
certain  where  to  commence.  Then-  he  made  an- 
other start,  and  stepping  up  to  the  nearest  man, 
rested  the  tray  on  the  back  of  his  chair,  and  stood 
partially  leaning  on  his  cane ;  and  looking  over 
his  glasses,  said : 

"  Roast  beef,  roast  mutton,  roast — well,  roast 

mutton,  roast  meat,  roast it!  we  have 

twenty-one  different  kinds  of  meat.  What'll  you 
have  ?" 

By  this  time  I  had  been  forced  to  leave  the 
room  for  laughter,  returning  as  soon  as  I  could 
command  myself.  The  Doctor  was  up  to  his 
ears  in  business.  Perspiring  profusely,  an6 
much  excited,  he  still  hung  to  his  cane  and  plug 
hat.  He  was  absolutely  the  most  comical  sight 
I  had  ever  witnessed. 

When  I  met  the  Doctor  at  the  kitchen  door, 
with  the  tray  piled  up  with  several  orders,  he  took 
time  to  sav  • 


312  TWKN'TV    VKAkS   OF    HUS'UNG. 

"     it !  I  thought  you  said  the  laudlaay 

was  going  to  help." 

For  fear  he  would  quit,  I  ran  to  the  stairway 
and  called  her.  She  came  down,  and  I  explained 
as  quickly  as  possible,  and  she  said  she  would 
help  ;  and  putting  on  an  apron,  began  work  ini- 
mediatel}'. 

We  had  Lijna  beans  for  dinner,  and  being  a 
little  short  on  them,  were  obliged  to  dish  them 
out  in  small  quantities.  The  Doctor  served  one 
man  who,  with  one  swoop,  took  into  his  mouth  all 
he  had,  in  one  spoonful,  and  immediatel}^  handed 
his  dish  back  to  the  Doctor,  saying: 

"  Here,  waiter,  bring  me  another  bean  !" 

The  Doctor  struck  a  dramatic  attitude,  and 
glared  over  his  spectacles — one  hand  clasped  the 
middle  of  his  cane,  and  his  plug  hat  poised  side- 
wise  on  the  back  of  his  head,  and  he  shouted  ex- 
citedly : 

"  vSir,  I  want  you  to  understand  wc  know  hozv 
many  beans  there  was  in  that  dish.    Besides,  I'm 

— I'm — I'm  no    table  waiter,  and  I  demand 

that  you  address  me  differentl3^     In  short,  I  de- 
mand satisfaction  for  your  cussed  insolence,  sir!" 

Every  man  in  the  dining  room  dropped  his 
knife  and  fork  and  looked  on  :n  astonishment. 


TWENTY    YEARS  OF   HUS'UNG,  7^1^ 

Tbe  gentleman  addressed  by  the  Doctor  apolo- 
gized to  his  entire  satisfaction,  and  matters  went 
on  smoothly  until  just  as  the  Doctor  was  making 
for  the  dining  room  with  a  tray  full  for  two  new- 
comers. The  landlady,  with  a  tray  full  of  dirty 
dishes,  met  him  at  the  kitchen'  door.  She  had 
attempted  to  pass  back  through  the  wrong  pass- 
age-way, and  a  general  collision  was  the  result. 
The  Doctor  had  gotten  just  far  enough  along  sc 
that  every  dish  on  his  tray  went  crashing  on  the 
dining-room  floor,  and  a  cup  of  hot  tea  went  intc 
the  top  of  one  shoe.  Before  he  fairly  realized 
*vhom  he  had  collided  with,  he  broke  out  with  a 
volley  of  oaths  sufficient  to  turn  the  old  lady's 
hair  white  in  a  few  seconds. 

I  hastened  to  the  rescue,  and  instantly  reminded 
him  of  the  awful  fact  that  he  was  cussing  the 
landlady.  He  lost  no  time  in  apologizing  po- 
litely, and  assured  her  that  he  alone  was  to  blame 
for  the  mishap. 

The  man  who  had  been  forced  to  make  an  apol- 
ogy to  the  Doctor  a  few  moments  before,  was  im- 
mensely pleased,  and  when  about  to  leave  the  ta- 
ble, cried  out : 

"  Professor,  had  j^ou  counted  those  beans  before 
you  dropped  the  divshes  ?'' 


^   4  TWENTV    YEARS  OF   HUS'UNG 

The  Doctor  then  said  he  guessed  the  rush 
was  over  now,  and  he  would  leave  It  for  us  to  fin- 
ish ;  after  which  he  repaired  to  his  room,  and  af- 
ter making  his  toilet  preparatory  to  eating  dinner, 
sent  for  me  and  requested  that  I  arrange  with  the 
landlady  to  dine  with  him,  which  of  course  I  did, 
and  also  promised  hira  that  I  would  have  my  fa- 
vorite cream  biscuit  for  tea  that  night. 

Matters  went  on  very  nicely,  with  the  excep- 
rion  of  experiencing  considerable  trouble  in  get- 
ting good  chambermaids  and  table-waiters.  The 
Doctor  declared  point  blank  that  he  would  never, 
under  any  circumstances,  wait  on  table  again ;  so  J 
saw  the  necessity  of  securing  suitable  help  at  once 
A  few  days  later,  two  young  men  came  to  the 
hotel,  registered,  and  began  hus'ling  around  in  a 
manner  that  reminded  me  of  my  late  patent-right 
partner  and  myself  in  Indiana. 

I  spotted  them  at  once  and  began  taking  notes 
on  their  manners.  We  had  had  cream  biscuit 
for  supper  twice ;  and  as  all  were  unanimous  in 
pronouncing  them  very  fine,  I  had  given  orders 
to  have  them  again  on  the  day  of  the  arrival  of 
my  two  hus'lers.  I  gave  my  opinion  of  them  to 
the  Doctor,  and  remarked  that  they  would  have  to 
settle  in  advance  before  I  would  give  them  a  room 


TWENTY   YEARS   OF   HUS'LING.  %l<t 

He  reminded  me  that  I  should  not  forget  how 
convenient  I  had  found  it  to  be  confided  in  by  the 
different  landlords,  and  that  I  should  not  be  too 
rough  on  them.  I  fully  agreed  with  him :  but  I 
iiad  experienced  the  truth  of  the  fact  that  only  a 
small  percentage  of  men  were  ever  able  to  pay 
such  bills,  after  getting  behind,  even  though  they 
had  a  disposition  to  do  so.  Consequently,  I  de- 
termined to  commence  right,  and  try  and  keep 
right. 

That  night,  while  the  Doctor  and  several  oth- 
ers were  in  the  office,  and  while  I  was  behind  the 
counter,  one  of  the  young  men  came  in  from  up 
town,  having  just  visited  the  barber  shop ;  and 
with  his  silk  hat  slightly  tipped  to  one  side  of  his 
head,  and  one  kid  glove  on,  stepped  over  near  me, 
and  after  telling  the  latest  story  in  his  blandest 
and  most  fascinating  manner,  turned  to  me  and 
said: 

'^  Landlord,  how  about  cream  biscnit  for  sup 
per  ?     I  hear  you  have  — " 

He  was  interrupted  right  then  and  there;  for 
laying  my  hand  gently  on  his  shotilder,  I  said  in 
a  firm  voice : 

"  You  have  got  to  pay  in  advance,  sir.'* 

"  What's  up  ?"  h*»  asked,  exritedly 


3lCr  TWENTY    YEARS  OF    HUS'LENG. 

"  There  is  notliiiig  ap,  sir,"  I  answered,  hn\ 
you  have  got  to  settle,  nght  off.  The  cream  bis- 
cuit racket  don't  go,  A^dth  me.  Pay  up,  oi  you 
can't  stay." 

He  said  he  would  pay  up  till  the  next  day, 
which  he  did,  and  then  went  in  to  supper. 

During  this  interview  the  Doctor  had  com- 
menced to  laugh,  and  almost  danced  the  High- 
land Fling  in  his  gleeful  excitement,  and  attempt 
to  leave  the  room.  As  soon  as  the  door  had 
closed  on  the  young  man,  he  returned,  and 
laughed  and  hopped  around  in  his  characteristic 
manner,  and  said : 

*'  Why  the  cussed  fool  might  have  known  that 
he  couldn't  have  said  a  thing  on  earth  that  would 
have  put  you  onto  him  as  quick  as  to  flatter  the 
cream  biscuit" 

In  less  than  three  minutes  the  other  hustler 
came  in,  and  rushed  up  to  the  wash-stand  to  make 
his  toilet.  The  Doctor  looked  at  him  over  his 
specs,  with  a  broad  grin  on  his  countenance. 

After  washing  and  combing  his  hair,  he  told  8 
funny  story,  and  said  : 

*'  Put  us  down  for  a  good  room,  landlord.  You 
have  a  nice  hotel,  landlord.  It's  everytbinjr  \r 
knowing"  hou*  to  mn  ?>  hoTist^  " 


rWENTY    VKAkS    Ui-    lltbLilvG, 


^7 


i'r 


URlA-.^ 


TWENTY   YEARS   OF   HUS'UNG.  3I9 

He  then  placed  his  hands  behind  him  and 
bfcked  up  to  the  stove. 

I  glanced  over  towards  the  Doctor,  who  by  this 
time  was  in  the  farther  corner  of  the  office,  witl> 
one  hand  over  his  mouth,  and  the  other  holding 
his  hat  and  cane ;  and  one  foot  in  the  air,  ready 
to  make  a  break  for  out  of  doors. 

I  answered  the  young  man  by  saying : 

"  Yes,  sir,  it's  everything  in  knowing  how  to 
run  a  hotel ;  and  you  have  got  to  pay  in  advance 
if  you  stay  here." 

"  Well,  I  am  surprised,  landlord ;  but  1  sup- 
posed you  were  a  good  enough  judge  of  character 
to  know  the  diflference  between  a  gentleman  and 
a  dead  beat." 

I  assured  him  that  I  didn't  doubt  his  honesty, 
but  I  was  willing  to  wager  that  he  hadn't  money 
enough  to  pay  one  week  in  advance.  And  as  it 
took  money  to  keep  things  running  and 

"  And  buy  cream  biscuit,"  shouted  the  Doc- 
tor,  

1  had  got  to  have  my  pay  in  advance. 

He  then  acknowledged  that  he  was  a  little 
short,  but  would  probably  be  able  to  pay  the  next 
aay.  I  told  him  he  could  have  his  supper,  lodg- 
ing and  breakfast,  but  uothiug  more. 

V, 


^UO  TWENTY    VEARS   Ol^    H'JS'LING. 

The  next  morning  they  both  came  to  me  and 
owned  up  that  they  were  "  broke." 

I  then  hired  one  of  them  for  hostler  and  the 
other  for  clerk. 

About  this  time  I  succeeded  in  getting  the  land 
lady's  consent  to  re-model  a  part  of  the  house. 
She  said  she  didn't  care  to  be  bothered  \\dth  it, 
nor  to  remain  there  and  listen  to  the  noise ;  so 
she  would  go  and  visit  her  friends  in  Detroit,  and 
leave  me  to  fix  things  to  suit  myself  She  said 
also  she  had  all  confidence  in  me,  and  felt  certain 
I  would  do  even  better  than  she  could. 

Before  leaving,  she  instructed  me  to  go  ahead 
and  get  what  I  wanted,  as  her  credit  was  good 
anywhere. 

By  the  time  she  had  fairly  reached  the  depot 
to  take  the  train,  I  had  engaged  several  carpen- 
ters, painters,  plasterers,  bricklayers,  and  teams 
to  do  our  hauling. 

I  very  soon  had  the  old  hotel  in  a  condition 
suitable  for  business,  by  tearing  do\vn  old  parti- 
tions, building  up  new  ones,  papering  and  paint- 
ing thoroughly,  and  adding  a  lot  of  new  furni- 
tui^  and  carpets. 

I  h^d  the  xvhole  outside  of  the  old  shell  painted, 
a  portiOii  of  which  I  orders.'  -v  ne  in  brick  '^o^u. 
jnd  oer^dled 


TWENTY   YEARS  OF   HUS'UNO.  321 

The  latter  part,  the  neighbors  claimed,  fooled 
the  landlady  so  badly,  when  she  returned  a  feu 
weeks  later,  that  she  didn't  know  when  she  ar- 
rived home,  and  kept  right  on  up  street,  making 
inquiries  and  looking  for  her  hotel.  How  much 
truth  there  was  in  this  statement  I  do  not  know, 
but  I  well  remember  the  expression  on  her  coun- 
tenance when  I  answered  her  query  of  how  much 
the  whole  thing  would  cost,  by  informing  her  that 
I  didn't  think  it  would  amount  to  over  fifteen 
hundred  dollars.  I  remember  how  she  fell  back 
on  the  sofa  in  a  sort  of  swoon,  and  when  she  re- 
covered herself,  faltered  out  that  she  was  ruined 
forever. 

I  very  soon  convinced  her,  however,  that  the 
improvements  had  greatly  enhanced  the  value  ol 
her  property ;  and  she  seemed  to  appreciate  ra}; 
services  more  than  ever. 

During  her  absence  of  several  weeks,  the  Doc- 
tor and  I  had  some  very  interesting  times. 

The  day  after  her  departure  our  chambermaid 
eloped  with  one  of  the  boarders.  I  advertised  foi 
help  immediately,  but  without  success. 

About  this  time  a  young  Teutonic  fellow  came 
along;  and  asked  for  something  to  eat.  After 
giving  him  his  dinner,  I  asked  if  he  was  looking 


322  TWENTY    Yh,AKb   OF    HUS'LING. 

for  work.      He   said   he  was,  and  would  work 
mighty  cheap. 

I  asked  if  he  would  like  to  be  a  chambermaid, 
end  make  up  beds,  and  sweep.     He  exclaimed : 

"  Oh,  yah,  yah ;  I  youst  so  goot  a  shamper 
mait  as  notting  else." 

"  Well  then,  Dutchy,  I'll  give  you  four  dollars 
per  week,  provided  I  can  find  a  coat  and  vest  for 
you  to  wear,  as  yours  is  too  rough-looking  for 
that  business." 

1  then  took  him  upstairs  and  made  a  vigorous 
search  for  second-hand  clothes,  but  found  none. 
I  next  entered  the  room  previously  occupied  by 
the  late  runaway  maid,  and  found  three"  old 
dresses  and  a  hoop  skirt  left  by  her.  I  took  a 
dress  from  the  nail,  and  picking  up  the  hoop  skirt 
said: 

"  Here,  Dutchy,  put  these  on." 

He  shook  his  head  slowly,  and  indicated  to  me 
that  he  wouldn't  do  it.  I  reminded  him  that  he 
■was  in  my  employ,  and  must  obey  me. 

Then  he  took  off  his  coat  and  vest,  and  was 

about  to  divest  himself  of  his  other  garments, 

A^hen  I  instructed  him  to  leave  them  on,  and  told 

im  how  nice  the  dress  would  be  to  keep  his  com* 

tively  new  pants  clean- 


TWENTY    ifiARb  OF   HUS*UNa  323 

After  donning  the  dress,  which  £tted  him  well 
md  was  quite  becoming  t9  him,  I  borrowed  the 
Doctor's  razor,  and  he  shaved  himself  clean,  and 
parted  his  fair,  bushy  hair  in  the  middle ;  and 
there,  before  me,  to  all  appearances  was  a  typical 
German  girl.  He  entered  upon  his  duties  at  once. 
The  Doctor  said  he  guessed  we  would  have  no 
more  serious  trouble  with  chambermaid  elope- 
ments. I  told  him  I  wasn't  so  certain  about  that, 
and  invited  him  up-stairs  to  see  Dutchy. 

When  we  came  to  the  room  where  I  had  left 
him,  I  said :  "  Go  right  in.  Doctor ;  you  will  find 
Dutchy  there.     I'll  be  back  in  a  minute." 

The  Doctor  bolted  in,  and  immediately  dodged 
back,  and  cried  out : 

"Johnston,  there  is  a  woman  in  there!" 

"  Oh,  thunder!  you  have  lost  your  head,  since 
the  landlady  left." 

This  was  enough  j  and  he  opened  up  on  me 
with  several  volleys  of  oaths,  and  offered  to  bet 
me  the  price  of  a  new  hat  that  there  was  a  woman 
in  that  room  making  up  beds.  I  took  the  bet  and 
entered  the  room,  the  Doctor  following,  and  im- 
mediately crying  out: 

"  There,  smarty,  there !  Guess  you  will  learn 
to  believe  what  I  tell  you,  once  in  a  while." 


3^4  TWENTY    y^EARS  Ot    UUS'UNG. 

"  But  I  have  won,  Doctor.'^ 

"Jolinston,  do  you  claim  now  that  you  bet 
there  was  a  woinau  in  here  ?" 

"  No,  sir  ;  but  I'll  bet  the  price  of  another  hat 
that  I  can  prove  to  you  that  I  have  won." 

"  All  right,  sir;  I'll  take  you." 

We  shook  hands  on  it,  and  I  said : 

"  Dutchy,  come  around  here  and  show  the  Doc- 
tor your  pants," 

He  did  so ;  and  the  Doctor  didn't  know  whether 
to  believe  his  own  eyes  or  not.  I  asked  when  he 
would  buy  me  the  two  hats.     He  said:  "Never! 

I'll   be     if   I  will  be  taken  in  on  any 

confidence  game." 

I  agreed  to  let  it  go,  if  he  would  keep  still  about 
Dutchy 's  dress,  and  furnish  a  razor  for  him  to 
shave  with  every  morning.  He  promised,  and 
we  had  a  hearty  laugh  over  the  matter. 

The  next  day,  as  I  was  passing  through  the 
hallway,  Dutchy  came  to  the  door  of  the  room 
where  he  was  working,  and  said : 

*'  Mr.  Johnston,  I  find  a  pair  of  pants  here 
youst  exactly  like  mine." 

I  stepped  in,  and  sure  enough,  there  hung  a 
pair  in  the  Irish  shoemaker's  room»  the  exact 
counterpart  of  Dutchy's. 


TWENTY  YEARS  OB   d^^'UNO. 


LIBRARY 

imivtRsavuF 

URBANP^ 


TWENTY   YEARS'  OF  HUS'UNG.  327 

I  explained  to  Dutchy  that  we  would  have  a 
little  fun  with  the  Irishman,  and  told  him  to  wait 
for  instructions  from  me  before  he  attempted  to 
play  his  part. 

I  then  took  the  pants  down  to  the  office,  and 
Jet  the  Doctor  into  the  secret. 

The  next  Saturday  the  Irishman  came  rushing 
down  stairs  in  great  excitement,  and  reported  the 
loss  of  his  pants.     I  said : 

"  Well,  Irish,  if  you  don't  find  them,  I'll  go 
with  you  to  pick  out  another  pair." 

"  But,  be  the  Howly  Moses !  will  yez  pay  foi 
thim  ?" 

I  told  him  I'd  see  that  he  paid  for  them.  He 
threatened  to  leave,  but  the  Doctor  helped  to  quiet 
him  down. 

I  then  found  Dutchy  and  told  him  to  try  and 
call  at  the  Irishman's  room  the  next  day  when 
he  was  in,  and  manage  in  some  way  to  raise  his 
dress,  so  that  the  Irishman  would  get  a  glimpse 
of  his  pants.  He  assured  me  he  would  fix  that 
all  right. 

On  Sunday  morning,  about  ten  o'clock,  Irish 
came  rushing  down  stairs  on  the  jump,  rushed 
up  to  me,  and  said  : 


328  TWENTY  YEARS  OF  HUS'LING. 

"  Be  the  Howly  St.  Crispin  and  Moses  in  tlie 
bulrushes  1  May  the  divil  fly  away  wid  me  if  I 
haven't  found  moy  pants  I" 

"  Good !     Good  I     Where  were  they  ?" 

"  Howly  Moses !  come  wid  me  to  wan  side.  I'll 
tell  yez  on  the  quiet." 

"  Never  mind  about  the  quiet,  Irish.  Sing  out ; 
tell  everybody." 

"  Oh,  be  jabers !  ye'd  laste  expect  to  find  thiui 
where  I  seed  thim." 

"Well,  tell  us." 

"  Yes,  tell  us,"  said  the  Doctor. 

'*  Well,"  he  hesitatingly  said,  "b*».  the  howiy 
shmoke,  the  ouid  chambermaid  has  thim  on,  as 
.cure  as  I'm  a  loive  Irishman !" 

"  Oh,  nonsense !"  I  replied.  "Yrn  ofght  to 
be  ashamed  of  yourself,  to  come  down  here  in  the 
presence  of  these  men  and  try  to  injure  th«  char- 
acter of  that  poor  chambermaid." 

'By  the  great  homed  spoon!  but  she  hj^s  the 
pants  on,  and  OI'll  have  thim,  charackthr  *  or  m 
;iaarackther,  Misther  Landlord! " 

"  Well,  now,  see  here,  Irish,  I'll  bet  the  cigars 
*w  the  crowd,  that  she  hasn't  got  your  panls  on." 

"  All  right,  sir.  all  right,  sir ;  I'll  take  that  bet" 


TWENTV   YEARS   OF  HUS'LING.  329 

While  we  were  shaking  hands  on  the  bet,  the 
Doctor  took  a  bundle  from  under  the  counter  con- 
taining the  pants  and  ran  up  to  the  Irishman's 
{room,  and  hung  them  up. 

We  then  went  up-stairs,  accompanied  by  sev- 
eral bystanders,  and  after  reaching  the  Irishman's 
room,  I  called  to  the  chambermaid  to  come  in. 

Irish  stood  waiting  for  me  to  introduce  the  sub- 
ject to  the  maid,  and  I  waited  for  him.  I  then 
turned  to  him  and  said : 

"  Well,  Irish,  prove  your  case." 

"  Well,  be  jabers !  d'ye  s'pose  I  am  going  to 
insult  this  lady  ?  Not  by  a  dang  sight,  pants  or 
no  pants."  .», 

I  turned  to  Dutchy  and  said : 

"  Have  you  got  Irish's  pants  on?" 

"  Nix  ;   I  youst  got  my  ow^n  pants." 

"  Well,  come  around  here,  Dutchy,  and  show 
Irish  your  pants." 

Obeying  my  order,  the  dress  was  raised,  expos- 
'Hng  the  pants  to  view. 

Irish  straightened  himself  up,  and  in  a  very 
triumphant  manner,  said : 

"  Well,  there,  Misther  Landlord,  I  giss  yez  are 
quite  well  satisfied.  I'll  take  the  cigars,  and  the 
pay  for  thim  pants,  if  yez  plaise." 


;^30  TWENTY   YEARS  OF  HUS'LING. 

I  turned  round  and  said : 

*'  Whose  pants  are  these  hanging  here,  Irish  ? 
Did  you  have  two  pair  alike  ?" 

He  looked  at  them  and  said : 

"  Be  gobs !  she  took  thim  off  while  me  back 
^as  turned." 

I  then  offered  to  bet  him  the  cigars  that  she 
didn't. 

He  said  he'd  bet  no  more,  but  he  knew  there 
was  some  chicanery,  or  dom  hy-pocritical  prog- 
nostication, somewhere. 

I  then  asked  the  chambermaid  to  raise  the 
dress  again,  which  was  done,  and  Irish  left  the 
room  disgusted,  and  -Jiiuttering  a  few  oaths  to 
himself.  Afterwards  he  paid  the  cigars  for  the 
crowd. 

He  then  asked  if  I  wud  explain  what  the  divil 
right  any  chambermaid  had  to  wear  pants,  any- 
how. 

I  answered  that  it  was  none  of  my  business, 
and  I  hoped  I  was  too  much  of  a  gentleman  to 
meddle  with  other  people's  private  affairs. 

This  last  assertion  offended  him  very  much, 
and  he  quickly  gave  me  to  understand  that  he 
was  as  much  of  a  gintleman  as  I  was  and  niver 
failed  to  moind  his  own  businessc 


TWENTY  YEARS  OF  HUS'UNG. 


33J 


I  told  him  that  might  be,  but  it  was  very 
strange  to  me  how  he  should  make  such  singular 
discoveries. 

He  then  made  a  full  explanation,  and  I  over- 
looked it  all. 


More  Hus'ling 


BY 

J.  P.  JOHNSTON, 

AUTHOR  OF 

•TWENTY  YEARS  OF  HUS'LING,"  "WHAT  HAP- 

PENED  TO  JOHNSTON,"  "GRAFTERS."  "HOW 

TO  HUSTLE."  ETC.,  ETC 


ILLUSTRATED 
BY 

DENSLOW 


Thompson  &  Thomas 

CHICAGO 


Copyright 

THOMPSON   &   THOMAS 

1908 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  XXI, 

The  doctor  swindled — How  we  got  even — Diamond  cut  diamond— 
The  doctor  peddling  stove-pipe  brackets-- His  first  customer — 
His  mishap  and  demoralized  condition — The  doctor  and  myself 
invited  to  a  country  dance — He  the  center  of  alti-action — The 
doctor  in  love  with  a  cross-eyed  girl — Engaged  to  take  hei 
home — His  plan  frustrated — He  gels  even  with  me — We  con- 
clude to  diet  bini — The  land'i&^Vf  return •.' — Coi'S  not  know  the 
house. 

CHAPTliR  XXII, 

Out  of  a  position— Moved  to  Ann  Arbor — How  I  made  a  raise— A 
return  to  furniture  polish — Selling  experience— Hauling  coke 
— :id.y  summer  clothes  in  a  snow-storm — A  gloomy  Christmas 
-~An  attack  of  bilious  fever — Establishing  an  enforced  credit — 
The  photograph  I  sent  my  mother— Engaged  as  an  auctioneer 
at  Toledo,  Ohio — My  first  sale, 

CHAPTER  XXIIL 

A  successful  auctioneer — Playing  a  double  role —Illustrating  an 
auction  sale. 

CHAPTER  XX I V, 

My  employer  called  home — I  continue  to  hus'le — ^An  auctioneering 
co-partnership —  till  in  a  double  role — A  neat,  tidy,  quiet 
boarding-house — We  move  to  a  hotel — A  practical  joke — Auc- 
tioneering for  merchants — Making  a  political  speech — Getting 
mixed. 

CHAPTER  XXV. 

I  continue  to  sell  for  merchants—  Well  prepared  for  vvinter— Trad- 
ing a  shot-gun  for  a  horse  and  wsgon — Auctioneering  for  myself 
— Mr^Keefer  needing  help — How  I  responded — Turning  my 
horse  out  to  pasture — Engaged  to  sell  on  commission — How  I 
succeeded — Out  of  a  job— Busted — How  I  made  a  raise — A 
return  to  tire  Incomprehensible — Peddling  with  a  horse  and 
wagon — Meeting  an  old  friend — Misery  likes  company — We 
hus'le  together — Performing  a  surgical  operation — A  pugilistic 
encounter — Our  Wild- west  stories — Broke  again — Aharictta* 
tomer—  Aii-.th'-r  raisCt    ' 


CONIENTS. 

CHAfTER  XXVI. 
Helping  a  tramp-~We  dissolve  partnership — My  auction  sale  for 
the  farmer—  How  I  settled  with  him — I  resume  the  auction 
business  for  myself— My  horse  trade — I  start  for  Michigan. 

CHAPTER  XXVII. 
*  uctioneering  at  the  Michigan  State  Fair — Three  days'  co-partner- 
ship with  a  showman — My  partner's  famUy  on  exhibition — Our 
success — Traveling  northward — Business  increases — Frequent 
trades  in  horses  and  wagons — The  possessor  of  a  fine  turn-out 
'~Mr.  Keefer  again  asks  assistance — How  I  responded — Trav- 
eling with  an  ox-team  and  cart — A  great  attraction — Sold  out 
— ^Traveling  by  rail — My  return  to  Ohio — Meeting  the  clairvoy- 
ant doctor — How  I  fooled  him — Quail,  twelve  dollars  a  dozen— 
'  The  doctor  loses  his  appetite. 

CHAPTER  XXVIIi. 
A  eo-partnership  formed  in  the  auction  business^How  it  ended — 
A  new  friend — His  generosity — Exhibiting  a  talking  machine — 
It  failed  to  talk — How  I  entertained  the  audience — In  the  role 
of  a  Phrenologist. 

CHAPTER  XXIX. 
ua  the  auction  business  again — A  new  conveyance  for  street  sales 
-  'My  trip  through  the  lumber  regions — A  successful  summer 
campaign — A  winter's  trip  through  the  south — My  return  to 
Grand  Rapids,  Mich. — A  trip  to  Lake  Superior — Selling  need- 
les  as  a  side  issue — How  I  did  it — State  license  demanded  by  an 
officer — How  I  turned  the  tables  on  him — Buying  out  a  country 
store — A  great  sale  of  paper-cambric  dress  patterns — A  com- 
promise with  the  buyers — My  return  to  Chicago— Flush  and 
fifing  high. 

CHAPTER  XXX. 
Paying  out  a  large  stock  of  merchandise — On  thd  road  again— .Sii 
weeks  in  each  town — Muddy  roads  and  poor  trade — Closing 
out  at  auction — Saved  my  credit  but  collapsed — Peddling  pol- 
ish and  jewelry — Wholesaling  jewelry — Fifty  dollars  and  lot* 
of  experience  my  stock  in  trade — Tall  "hus'ling"  and  gre^t 
success — An  offer  from  a  wholesale  jewelry  finn—DeclilMf^ 
mth  thanks — Hus'liiig  agai" — Great  success. 


CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  XXXI. 
Robbed  of  a  trunk  of  je^pelry — Only  a  small  stock  left — A  ternble 
calamity — Collapsed-- An  empty  sample-case  my  sole  posses- 
sion— Peddling  polish  again — Making  a  raise  -Unintentional 
generosity  breaks  me  up — Meeting  an  old  partner — The  whole- 
saler siipi^lies  me  with  jewelry — Hus'liug  again  with  great  suc- 
cess— Making  six  hundred  dollars  in  one  day — My  health  fails 
me — I  return  to  Ohio — A  physician  gives  me  but  two  years  to 
live — How  I  fooled  him. 

CHAPTER  XXXII. 
a  friend  loans  me  twentj'-five  dollars — My  arrival  iu  Chicago 
— Forty  dollars'  worth  of  goods  on  credit — I  leave  for  Michi- 
gan— Effecting  a  sale  by  stratagem — Great  success  during  the 
summer — Enforcing  a  credit — Continued  success — Opening  an 
office  in  the  city — Paying  my  old  debts,  with  interest — My  trip 
to  New  York — Buying  goods  from  the  manufacturers — My  re- 
turn to  Chicago — Now  I  do  hus'le — Immense  success 

CHAPTER  XXXIII. 

Employing  traveling  salesmen — Depresssiou  in  trade — Hea\nly  in 
debt — How  I  preserved  my  credit — -I  take  to  the  road  again 
— Traveling  by  team — Deciding  a  horse-trade — My  book-keeper 
proposes  an  assignment — I  reject  the  proposition — Collecting 
old  debts  by  stratagem. 

CHAPTER  XXXIV. 
inother  horse  trade — A  heavy  loss — Playing  detective — My  visit 
home — A  retrospect — Calling  in  my  agents — A  new  scheme 
—It's  a  winner — ?,Ir.  Keefer  and  my  mother  visit  Chicago — His 
verdict,  ' '  it  does  beat  the  deviL ' ' 


lO  MORE    HUS'LING. 


CHAPTER  XXI. 

^HB  DOCTOR  SWINDLED — HOW  WE  GOT  EVEN — DIA« 
MOND  CUT  DIAMOND  —  THE  DOCTOR  PEDD^INCJ 
STOVE-PIPE  BRACKETS — HIS  FIRST  CUSTOMER— 
HIS  MISHAP  AND  DEMORALIZED  CONDITION  — 
THE  DOCTOR  AND  MYSELF  INVITED  TO  A  COLTST- 
TRY  DANCE — HE  THE  CENTER  OF  ATTRACTION — 
THE  DOCTOR  IN  LOVE  WITH  A  CROSS-EYED  GIRL 
— ENGAGED  TO  TAKE  HER  HOME  —  HIS  PLAN 
FRUSTRATED — HE  GETS  EVEN  WITH  ME  —  WE 
CONCLUDE  TO  DIET  HIM — THE  LANDLADY  RE- 
TURNS— DOES  NOT  KNOW  THE  HOUSE. 

One  day  while  I  was  up-town,  marketing,  the 
Doctor  traded  his  old  English  gold  watch  and 
chain  to  a  professional  horse-trader,  for  another 
watch  with  all  modern  improvements.  Immedi- 
ately on  my  return  he  called  me  up-stairs,  and' 
said: 

"Johnston,  I  have  made  enough  on  a  single 
trade  to  pay  me  a  good  month's  salary'*     And 


MORE    HUS'LING.  H 

handing  me  the  watch,  said:  "Look  and  see 
what  an  elegant  thing  it  is.  It  cost  the  infernal 
fool  three  hundred  and  fifty  dollars,  and  I  got  it 
even-up  for  my  old-fashioned  gold  watch  and 
?hain." 

I  asked  him  what  he  valued  his  old  watch  and 
chain  at.  He  said  the  chain  would  bring  sixty 
dollars  for  old  gold,  and  he  didn't  know  what 
value  to  put  on  the  watch.  After  examining  it, 
I  said: 

"  Well,  Doctor,  you  made  a  big  hit." 

"  Well,  that's  what  I  think,"  he  shouted,  as  he 
hopped  about  in  his   usual   frisky  manner. 

I  again  remarked : 

"  Yes  sir,  you  did  well.  I  once  traded  a  horse 
and  watch  for  a  twin  brother  to  this  very  watch, 
and  mighty  soon  discovered  that  the  auction 
price  on  them  was  three  dollars  and  fifty  cents 
each !" 

He  then  flew  into  a  rage,  and  cussed  me  and 
my  judgment.  I  prevailed  on  him  to  accompany 
me  to  a  jeweler,  who  placed  the  retail  price  at  five 
dollars,  and  said  it  was  a  brass  watch. 

The  Doctor  declared  he  would  have  the  fellow 
arrested ;  but  I  urged  that  the  best  way  was  to 
keep  still,  and  not  even  let  him  know  that  he  was 


12  MORE    HUS'LING. 

sick  of  his  bargain.  He  agreed  to  thii,  provided  I 
•vould  help  him  to  get  even  with  him  in  some 
way. 

T  promised  I  would. 

The  horse-trader  didn't  come  near  the  hotel  for 
8  few  days,  and  not  until  the  Doctor  had  met  him 
and  treated  him  very  nicely,  thus  entirely  disarm- 
ing him  of  suspicion. 

One  day  a  circus  came  to  town,  and  with  it  a 
street-salesman  carrying  a  stock  of  the  very  cheap- 
est jewelry  manufactured.  He  was  unable  to  pro- 
cure a  license,  and  made  no  sales  there.  I 
bought  from  him  twenty-five  cents'  worth  of  his 
goods.  The  Doctor  took  about  half  of  my  pur- 
chase, and  wrapping  them  in  tissue  paper,  put 
them  carefully  in  his  valise ;  and  we  awaited  the 
arrival  of  our  friend  Sam,  the  horse-trader. 

One  evening*  we  saw  him  hitching  his  horse 
outside,  and  made  ready  for  him  by  beginning  a 
very  heated  discussion  concerning  a  deal  we  had 
been  having  in  jewelry.  As  he  entered  we  were 
in  the  hottest  of  it.  The  Doctor  abused  me,  and 
I  accused  him  of  not  living  up  to  his  agreement, 
and  peremptorily  demanded  one  hundred  and 
nxt3'  dollars  in  cash,  or  the  return  of  the  jeweln' 

The  Doctor  said  he  couldn't  pay  the  money  uxi- 


MORE    HUS'MNO.  I  3 

der  ten  days,  and  refused  to  return  the  jewelry. 
Then  I  declared  there  would  be  a  fight,  unless  he 
did  one  thing  or  the  other  on  the  spot.  The  Doc- 
tor then  said  he  wouldn't  disgrace  himself  by 
.fighting,  if  he  had  to  turn  all  the  jewelry  over  to 
me,  and  got  his  valise  at  once  and  produced  it, 
and  m}'-  original  bill  to  him.  Sam  stepped  for- 
ward to  examine  it  as  I  was  taking  a  careful  in- 
ventory to  make  sure  it  was  all  there. 

I  then  casually  remarked  that  I  was  going  to 
see  a  certain  man  the  next  day,  and  trade  it  for  a 
horse  and  buggy.     Sam  said  : 

"  I'll  trade  you  a  nice  horse  and  buggy  for  it.'' 

"  Where  is  your  rig  ?"  I  asked. 

"Outside  here." 

I  stepped  out,  and  after  looking  the  horse  and 
wagon  over,  said : 

"  I  think  that  whole  rig  is  worth  one  hundred 
and  fifty  dollars,  and  I'll  trade  for  ten  dollars 
boot." 

Sam  said  he  would  look  the  jewelry  over  again, 
which  he  did.     He  then  offered  to  trade  even. 

I  refused  to  do  that,  but  told  him  I  would  trade 
if  he  would  let  me  keep  two  of  the  rings.  He  of- 
fered to  let  me  keep  one  ring.  The  trade  hung 
for  a  few  moments,  and  at  'iasif.  seeing-  hi««  dcteir. 


14 


MORE   TTUS'LINO. 


mination,  we  consummated  tlie  ^rade,  and  I  drove 
the  outfit  to  tlie  barr. 

The  Doctor  didn't  sleep  a  vrLuk  that  night, 
and  the  next  morning  wanted  me  to  sell  out  at 
once,  and  divide  the  money. 

But,  seeing  a  chance  to  tantalize  him,  I  said : 

"  Doctor,  who  do  you  want  oie  to  divide  with  ?" 

"  With  me,"  he  shouted.  ''  Whom  do  you  sup- 
pose ?" 

*'  Well,  thunderation  I  Doctor ;  it  v/as  my  prop- 
erty we  traded  off.  Why  should  I  give  you  half 
the  profits  ?" 

"  Great  Heavens !"  he  screamed.  '  Thinli  of 
it !     One  shilling's  worth  of  property !' 

Then  he  sizzled  around  for  av/hile,  and  said  I 
was  worse  than  Sam,  the  horse- shark ;  because 
Sam  didn't  practice  beating  his  friends,  and  I  did, 
according  to  that  deal. 

I  offered  the  harness  to  the  Doctor  as  his  share 
of  the  deal.  He  refused,  and  abused  nie  roundly,, 
till  I  took  him  in  as  full  partner  on  the  whole 
thing. 

The  next  day  Sam  came  in  the  hotel,  and  hand- 
ing me  one  of  the  rings  that  had  turned  perfectly 
black,  asked  me  if  that  was  one  I  traded  him.  J 
told  him  it  looked  like  it  in   shape,  but  not  iti 


MORE    HUS'LING.  I5 

color.  He  asked  if  I  had  any  more  like  it,  but 
assured  me  that  he  was  no  squealer,  and  would 
never  "  kick  "  if  I  had  traded  him  brass  jewelry 
for  his  farm,  only  he  simply  wanted  to  know  how 
badly  he  had  been  "done  up."  I  showed  him 
what  I  had,  and  gave  them  to  him.  He  said  he 
would  take  better  care  of  that  lot  than  he  did 
the  first,  and  would  try  and  get  even  in  some  way. 

A  day  or  two  later  he  came  in,  and  asked 
what  I  had  to  trade.  I  told  him  I  had  a  note  of 
one  hundred  and  forty-two  dollars,  past  due, 
against  a  young  man  in  Battle  Creek,  Michigan, 
which  I  had  traded  patent  rights  for,  and  I  would 
trade  it  for  a  horse.  He  looked  it  over,  and  said 
he  would  think  of  it.  A  few  days  later  he  came 
in  again  and  asked  how  I  would  trade  the  note 
for  his  horse  standing  outside.  After  looking 
the  animal  over,  I  offered  to  trade  for  twenty-five 
dollars.  He  said  he  would  trade  even,  and  a  few 
minutes  later  we  made  the  deal,  and  I  took  the 
animal  to  the  stable. 

The  Doctor  was  more  pleased  over  this  trade 
than  I  was,  and  so  much  so  that  I  began  to  think 
he  expected  a  half  interest  in  it,  and  asked  him 
if  he  did. 


1 6  MORE  HUS'LING. 

He  said  he  did  not ;  but  it  pleased  Him  to  see 
me  get  the  best  of  Sam,  the  horse-shark. 

About  ten  days  later,  as  the  Doctor  and  I  were 
going  into  the  post  office  together,  we  met  Sam 
Just  as  he  had  opened  a  letter  from  Battle  Creek, 
containing  a  draft  for  the  full  amount  of  the  note 
with  interest,  all  amounting  to  something  near 
one  hundred  and  fifty  dollars.  Sam  said  he  had 
written  to  a  banker  there  before  he  traded  for  the 
note,  and  ascertained  it  was  all  right. 

The  Doctor  turned  ghastly  pale,  and  I  came 
near  fainting.  To  think  that  I  had  traded  such 
a  note  for  an  old  plug  of  a  horse  was  sickening, 
especially  when  considering  our  circumstances. 

One. day  a  gentleman  stopped  at  the  hotel  sell- 
ing w^ire  stove-pipe  brackets.  They  were  so  con- 
structed as  to  fasten  around  the  pipe  of  the  cook- 
stove,  and  make  a  very  convenient  shelf  to  set 
the  cooking  utensils  on. 

The  Doctor  took  a  particular  liking  to  the  man 
selling  them,  and  lost  no  opportunity  to  speak  a' 
good  word  for  the  invention.  One  4ay  he  ven* 
tured  the  assertion  that  he  could  sell  six  dozen  a 
day  to  the  housekeepers  of  that  town.  I  sug 
jested  that  he  start  out  at  once. 

He  was  insulted,  and  said  he  was  in  other  busi- 


MORE   HUS'LING.  17 

aess.  I  said  a  poor  excuse  was  better  than  none 
and  offered  to  wager  the  price  of  a  new  hat  that 
he  couldn't  sell  one  in  a  week.  He  then  offered 
to  bet  the  cigars  for  the  crowd  that  he  could  sel] 
lone  to  his  washerwoman. 

"  Yes,"  I  replied,  "  I  suppose  she  would  be  glad 
to  take  cats  and  dogs  for  what  you  owe  her." 

That  settled  it,  and  he  raked  me  right  and  left. 
He  said  I  needn't  judge  him  from  my  shirtless 
experience  at  Fort  Wayne  (which  I  had  related 
to  him),  and  that  he  always  paid  his  wash  bill. 
He  then  reminded  me  that  only  for  him  and  his 
money  a  few  weeks  before,  I  would  have  gone 
without  laundered  shirts  many  a  day. 

"  Yes,"  said  I,  "  and  only  for  me  where  would 
you  be  eating  now  ?'* 

"Great !"  he  ejaculated.     "You  cussed, 

impudent  Arab !     Who  got  you  this  job  ?" 

"  You  did,"  I  replied  ;  "  but  only  for  your  beau- 
tiful figure  and  winning  ways  catching  the  eye  of 
the  land -" 

"  Shut  up !  shut  up !"  he  yelled.  "  Don't  you. 
jpen  your  infernal  head  again." 

Then  I  apologized,  and  said : 

"  Well,  Doctor,  you  have  satisfied  me  that  you 
ion't  owe  your  washerwoman,  so  1*11  take  the  bet 


l8  IMORE    HUS'LING. 

you  offered  to  make.  And."  I  added,  "I'll  b® 
another  cigar  she  won't  let  you  in  the  house  un- 
less you  have  a  bundle  of  washing  along,  and 
show  her  that  you  have  a  legitimate  right  to  call 
on  her." 

This  exasperated  him  again,  and  made  him 
more  determined  than  ever  tjo  show  us  what  he 
could  do. 

He  selected  a  bracket,  3,nd  started  for  the  wash- 
erwomaUj  who  lived  directly  back  of  the  hotel, 
on  another  street.  It  was  fifteen  minutes  to 
twelve  O'clock  when  he  started. 

About  noon  one  of  the  kitchen  girls  came  mn^ 
uing  to  the  office,  and  called  me  to  come  quick  to 
the  back  door.  I  hastened,  and  to  my  astonish- 
ment found  the  Doctor,  under  the  greatest  excite- 
meet.  No  spectacles  on,  his  hat  gone,  a  large 
piece  torn  from  his  fine  swallow-tailed  coat,  and 
to  all  appearances  he  had  just  emerged  from  th? 
sewer. 

"  Great  Heavens  i  Doctor ,  what  is  up  ?"  J 
asked. 

"  Don't  say  a  word !  don't  say  a  word  i  he  cried. 
'  Get  me  to  my  roo2n,  qoick,  before  any  one  s^^ 

"  W)i«re  is  yotit  hat  ?"  1  askeo. 


:\IORE    IIUS'LING.  19 

**  Over  to  the  washerwoman's,"  he  gasped. 

"  And  your  cane — ^what  has  become " 

"  Great  Heavens !  sure  enough,"  he  interrup- 
ted. "I  forgot  that.  It's  on  her  table.  And 
my  spectacles — the  Lord  knows  where  they  are ! 
But  get  me  out  of  this,  quick ;  and  hurry  over 
there  and  and  fix  it." 

"Fix  what?"  I  asked.  "What  did  she  say, 
Doctor  ?" 

*  'Good !  all  I  heard  her  say  was :  'What 
will  my  poor  Mike  do  for  his  dinner  ?'  and  then 
she — never  mind  what  she  said^  but  hurry  up." 

I  then  said  to  him  : 

"  Doctor,  you  go  right  through  the  dining 
room  liid  on  up-stairs  to  your  room,  and  I'll  go 
over  and  see  if  I  can  find  what  there  is  left  of 
you." 

He  asked  if  there  were  no  back  stairs.  I  said 
yes,  but  they  were  very  dark.  I  then  led  him  to 
the  back  stair-way,  and  offered  to  accompany  him 
!o  his  room.  But  he  said  I  should  hurry  over 
ihere  aad  fix  things.  So,  after  explaining  to  him 
ihe  back- stair  route  to  his  room,  I  was  about  to 
close  the  door  on  him,  when  he  placed  his  hand 
on  his  head  and  said: 

*'My !    just    feel     of     this     bunch.       And   i 


20  MORE    HUS'LING. 

gruess  my  hat  is  ruiiaed.     Hurry  Qvcr  and  see 
about  it,  quick." 

I  closed  the  stair-way  door  and  started  across 
ihe  back  yard.  When  not  more  than  six  or  eight 
Tods  away,  I  heard  a  noise  at  the  house  that  start- 
led me.  One  of  the  girls  came  running  out,  and 
screamed  for  me  to  come  back,  quick. 

By  the  time  I  arrived  there  they  had  succeeded 
in  hauling  the  Doctor  out  from  the  entrance  to 
the  stair-way ,  and  he  was  completely  deluged  with 
slops. 

He  began  swearing  and  cursing  the  chamber- 
maid, and  cursed  me  for  hiring  a  Dutchman  to 
do  the  work. 

He  then  explained  that  after  getting  about  two- 
thirds  up  the  stairs,  he  had  concluded  to  give  it 
up  and  go  the  front  way ;  and  while  descending 
he  had  come  on  the  opposite  side  from  that  which 
he  had  ascended,  and  had  stepped  on  a  bucket 
filled  wich  slops ;  and  as  a  result  he  had  landed 
at  the  very  bottom  of  the  stairs,  with  the  contents 
all  over  him. 

"Well,  Doctor,*'  said  I,  leading  him  to  his 
room,  "  you  are  the  most  horrible-looking  sight  I 
ever  beheld.  It  will  be  terrible,  if  the  landlady 
•omsa  home  on  the  booh  trait*." 


MORE    HUS'LING.  21 

"  Good 1"  he  faltered,  *'  do  you  expect  hei 

home  on  this  traiu  ?     Here,  let  me   go  alone. 

You  hurry  over  there. that  lazy  Dutch- 

fman  I     Why  didn't  he  empty  the  slops  ?** 

I  then  made  a,fresh  start  for  the  Doctor's  wash- 
erwoman. On  the  way  I  found  his  spectacles  in 
a  ditch,  which  had  no  water  in,  but  plenty  of  mud. 
He  had  gotten  out  of  the  regular  path,  and  in  his 
excitement  had  waded  into  the  ditch. 

Upon  reaching  the  house,  I  found  the  old  lady    • 
under  a  high  pressure  of  exasperation  and  excite- 
ment.    When  I  asked  if  Doctor had  been 

/^here, 

"  Howly  Moses !"  she  shrieked,  **  I  shud  think 
he  had  been  here,  wid  his  dommed  old  stove-pipe 
demolisher.  Be  jabbers!  he  got  a  good  whack 
over  the  head  wid  me  mop-stick  to  pay  for  his 
flabbergasted  stubbornness.  And  I  think  he'll 
have  to  sell  more  nor  wan  of  thim  pesky  wire 
flumadoodles  before  he  can  replace  the  ould  plug 
hat,  which  yez'U  foind  layin'  theer  in  the  wud* 
box." 

I  asked  for  an  explanation. 

She  showed  me  how  the  Doctor  had  come  in 
without  any  authority,  and  insisted  on  putting 
"  wan  of  thim  dom  things  on  her  stove  poipe." 


2  2  MORE    HUS'LING. 

After  fastening  it  on  and  explainiiig  its  purpose 
he  asked  her  to  set  her  kettle  of  boiled  dinner  on, 
and  see  how  stout  and  strong  it  was.  This  she 
refused  to  do,  not  believing  it  to  be  safe. 

But  the  Doctor,  "wid  his  doq;^  jackass  stub^ 
bornness,"  as  she  termed  it,  had  forcibly  taken 
the  kettle  from  her  hands  and  lifted  it  to  the 
bracket. 

No  sooner  was  it  done  than  the  whole  thing, 
bracket,  stove  pipe,  and  kettle  of  dinner  weni 
crashing  to  the  floor ;  and  without  further  cere 
mony  she  grabbed  the  nearest  weapon  to  her, 
which  happened  to  be  the  mop-stick,  and  assailed 
the  intruder.  She  first  struck  his  hat,  knocking 
it  off  and,  bruising  it  badly,  and  next  gave  him  a 
good  whack  over  the  head. 

I  asked  how  he  tore  his  coat.  She  said,  as  he 
passed  out  on  the  jump  his  coat  caught  on  a  nail, 
but  it  didn't  lessen  his  speed  one  bit. 

I  returned  to  the  hotel  with  the  Doctor's  hat, 
cane,  spectacles,  and  the  wire  bracket,  which  the 
irate  woman  declared  she  wouldn't  give  house- 
room  to. 

The  Doctor  was  in  quite  a  critical  condition. 
His  head  was  badly  swollen,  several  bruises  were 
on  his  body  from  the  fall  down  stairs,  and  a  higb 


MORE    HUS'LING.  23 

fever  liad  set  in,  compelling  him  to  take  tc  his 
bed. 

His  first  question,  when  I  entered  his  room, 
was:  "What  did  she  say?"  and  the  second  was: 
•'  Did  the  landlady  come  on  the  train  ?" 

I  answered  both,  and  gave  him  all  the  aid  and 
consolation  in  my  power.  Among  other  things, 
r  promised  if  he  ever  recovered  we  would  have 
his  favorite  pie  and  coffee  every  meal  for  two 
weeks.  This  pleased  him  greatly,  for  his  appe- 
tite for  apple  pie  and  lava  ^ofF^e  was  seldom  if 
ever  satisfied. 

He  recovered  in  a  few  days,  and  said  he  was 
glad  the  landlady  didn't  return  in  the  midst  of 
that  fracas. 

A  few  daj^s  later  he  came  rushing  into  the  ho 
rel  from  up  town,  and  said : 

'*  I  just  met  an  old  friend  and  former  patron, 
who  used  to  live  in  the  southern  part  of  the 
State.  He  now  lives  five  miles  from  here,  and 
ihey  are  going  to  have  a  dance  at  his  house  next 
Friday  night.  He  wants  me  to  come  out,  and 
bring  you  with  me,  as  I  told  him  all  about  you, 
and  whose  daugjter  you  married.  He  h^s 
qlway^.  "known  John  Higgins,  your  father-in-law. 


24  MORE    IIUS'LING. 

T  told  Wm  we  would  be  there,  so  you  must  make 
calculations  to  go." 

"  All  riglit,  Doctor ;  we'll  drive  our  horse  out.'^ 

"That's  what  we'll  do,  that's  what  we'll  do," 
he  laughingly  remarked. 

If  there  was  any  one  thing  the  Doctor  prided 
himself  in  more  than  another,  it  was  his  grace- 
fulness in  "  tripping  the  light  fantastic  toe." 

He  talked  of  nothing  else  from  that  time  till 
Friday,  and  made  more  preparations  for  the  oc- 
casion than  the  average  person  would  for  his  own 
wedding. 

When  the  hostler  drove  our  rig  to  the  front 
door,  the  Doctor  with  his  highly  polished  boots, 
his  heavy-checked  skin-tight  pants  (then  the 
height  of  fashion) ,  his  swallow-tailed  coat — reno- 
vated and  mended  for  the  occasion,  his  low-cut 
vest,  and  his  immaculate  shirt-front  with  a  large 
flaming  red  neck-tie,  his  face  cleanly  shaven,  his 
ivory-white  moustache  waxed  and  twisted,  his 
gold-headed  cane  and  gold  spectacles,  and  lasth', 
his  newly  ironed  hat, — standing  there,  as  de- 
scribed, he  certainly  made  a  very  striking  ap- 
pearance. 

On  our  way  out  he  became  very  impatient  tc 
make  faster  time,  and  declared  that  we  got  cheated 


MORE    HUS'LING.  25 

ivhen  we  traded  the  jewelry  for  such  an  infernal 
horse,  and  wanted  to  sell  his  half  to  me.  I  told 
Iiim  I  would  buy  him  out  if  he  would  take  his 
pay  in  board.  He  became  excited  at  once,  and 
said  he  would  be  an  idiot  to  do  that,  as  it  was 
just  the  same  as  understood  that  I  was  to  board 
him,  if  I  got  the  hotel  to  run. 

"  But  suppose  I  should  remain  here  for  five 
years,"  said  I,  "  what  then  ?" 

"What  then?"  he  quickly  ejaculated,  "why 
then  I  suppose  you'd  find  me  here  to  the  end  of 
that  time.  I  started  out  with  you,  and  I  intend 
to  stay  with  you." 

We  were  royally  received  at  the  farmer's  resi- 
dence, and  the  Doctor  at  once  became  the  centei 
of  attraction  for  those  already  assembled,  and 
continued  so  during  the  evening.  He  told  hiF 
latest  stories,  and  I  told  one  occasionally,  bring- 
ing in  "  Pocahontas,"  "  Stove-pipe  bracket," 
"  Irish  patient,"  "  Brass  watches,"  etc.,  etc.,  any 
one  of  which  had  the  tendency  to  keep  the  Doc- 
tor "  riled  up,"  and  in  constant  fear  lest  I  should 
dwell  on  facts  or  go  into  particulars. 

At  last  he  called  me  out  on  the  porch,  and 
said: 

"  No-vr  sir,    you,  I  am  among  aristocratic 


26  MORE    JiUS'LING. 

friends,  wlio  liave  always  honored  and  respected 
me ;  and  you  liave  come  about  as  ^ear  telling 
some  of  your  cussed  miserable  stories  about  me 
as  I  want  you  to  to-night.  So  now  be  guarded, 
'sir.  Remember  I  am  among  my  friends,  and  not 
yours ;  so  I  warn  you  to  be  careful." 

I  assured  him  that  I  meant  no  reflection  on 
him,  and  would  be  guarded. 

Directly  the  musicians  came,  and  all  was 
ready  to  begin.  The  Doctor  was  one  of  the  first 
to  lead  out,  with  the  hostess  for  a  partner. 

E^verything  went  on  smoothly.  Hard  cider 
fiowed  freely,  and  the  Doctor  indulged  often. 
The  gentlemen  all  kept  their  hats  on,  including 
the  Doctor  and  myself,  as  etiquette  didn't  seem 
to  require  their  removal. 

More  cider,  plenty  of  music  and  constant  danc- 
ing, warmed  up  everybody ;  and  very  soon  the 
gentlemen  removed  their  coats,  the  Doctor  and 
myself  following  suit.  The  more  we  danced,  the 
more  we  wanted  to  dance ;  and  the  Doctor  never 
missed  a  single  set. 

We  were  both  introduced  to  the  belles  of  the 
neighborhood.  The  Doctor  was  a  general  favor- 
ite with  them,  which  fact  caused  considerable 


UHSVU^o^ 


MORE    TTUS'LING.  29 

jieaiousy  among  not  a  few  of  the  young  gentle- 
men present. 

Taking  in  the  situation,  I  took  special  pains 
to  say  to  all  the  boys  that  the  Doctor  was  a  nice 
old  fellow,  and  meant  no  harm. 

Finally,  about  ten  o'clock,  the  Simon-pure  aris- 
tocracy appeared  on  the  scene.  This  was  a  young 
lady  who  had  a  verj  handsome  face  and  a  beau- 
tiful figure.  Tut  she  was  very  crpss-eyed.  In 
spite^of  this  defect  she  was  very  attractive,  and 
being  a  graceful  dancer,  had  no  lack  of  offers  to 
dance.  I  received  an  introduction  to  her,  and 
soon  after,  the  Doctor  was  introduced  as  per  his 
request. 

He  became  much  infatuated  with  her,  and  she 
didn't  seem  to  dislike  him  very  much.  At  any 
rate,  they  danced  nearly  every  set  together. 
When  supper  was  announced  he  waited  upon 
her.  It  so  happened  that  the  Doctor  sat  at  the 
end  of  the  table,  she  to  his  left  at  the  side  of  the 
table,  and  I  to  his  right,  opposite  her. 

The  first  thing  I  said  was : 

"  All  I  care  for  is  pie  and  coffee." 

The  Doctor  looked  sober  and  enraged. 

After  all  were  nicely  seated,  I  told  one  or  twi 

2ii 


30  MORE    HUS'LING. 

old  chestnuts,  wlien  the  Doctor  ventured  on  one 
of  his  latest.     Then  I  said : 

''  Doctor,  we  are  all  alike.  It  simply  shows 
our  *  impecuniosity'  to  sit  here  and  tell  stories, 
when  we  ought  to  finish  our  meal  and  make  room 
for  others." 

Nobody  laughed,  so  I  told  another.  It  was 
about  an  old  gentleman  going  out  to  sell  stove- 
pipe brackets.  Everybody  laughed  but  the 
Doctor.    I  then  said : 

"  Doctor,  let's  hear  from  you,  now." 

He  was  too  full  for  utterance,  and  as  I  very 
well  knew,  would  have  given  considerable  for  a 
chance  to  express  himself. 

After  supper  he  called  me  out  on  the  porch  and 
said  he  just  expected  every  minute  that  I  was 
going  to  mention  his  name  in  connection  with 
that  peddling  stor^^,  and  it  was  well  I  didn't. 

"  Well,  Doctor,  I  didn't  mean  you  at  all." 

"  The  d 1  you  didn't !     I  wonder  who  you 

meant,  if  not  me." 

I  then  spid : 

"  I  see  you  are  having  a  nice  time.  Nice  girl, 
you  have  taken  a  fancy  to ;  but  I  was  introduced 
to  her  before  you  were." 

'*  Well,  it  doesn't  make  any  difference  about 


MORE   HUS'LTNG.  -^j 

that,"  he  answered  "  She  will  have  nothing  to 
do  with  you." 

"Whj^not?" 

"  Because  I  told  her  you  were  a  married  man, 
and  that  settled  it." 

"  Oh,  ho !  I  see,  Doctor.  I  see  you  were  afraid 
I  would  out-shine  you,  weren't  you  ?" 

"  Not  much,  sir ;  not  much.  I  know  what  she 
thinks  of  me,  and  just  how  well  I  stand  in  her 
estimation.     She  is  a  rich  man's  daugh " 

"  Yes,"  I  interrupted, "  and  she  will  never  speak 
to  you,  after  to-night." 

"  She  will,  unless  you  tell  some  of  your  infer- 
aal  yams  and  connect  me  with  thtm ;  and  if  you 
do,  I'll— I'll " 

"  But,  Doctor,"  I  said,  hastily,  *'  what  will  the 
landlady  say,  when  she  gets  hom«£  and  sees  hor 
things  are  going  ?" 

"  Oh,  you  cussed  idiot !"  he  screamed.  "  Do 
you  think  she  has  a  string  tied  to  me  ?  What 
do  you  s'pose  I  care  for  her  ?  Is  she  any  com- 
parison to  this  young  lady  ?" 

"No,  I  suppose  not;  but,  Doctor,  you  are 
fooled  in  this  girl ;  and  I'll  bet  you  didn't  tel' 
her  about  my  being  married  till  after  supper." 

"  What  mckes  you  think  that  >" 


22  J.rORE    IIUS'LING. 

"  Well,  I  noticed  that  she  kept  looking  at  me 
all  the  time  we  were  eating." 

"  No  suck  a     thing.     /  know  she  was 

looking  at  me.  I  know  she  was.  And  another 
thing  I  know  • " 

"  Yes,"  I  put  in,  "  and  another  thing  /  know." 

"What's  that?" 

"Well,  sir,  while  we  were  at  the  table  she 
kept  her  feet  pressing  against  my  feet  all  the 
time." 

"  Oh,  you  idiot !  Those  were  my  feet  that  were 
pressing  against  yours." 

"  Then  if  you  knew  they  were  mine,  why  did 
you  keep  pushing  yours  against  them  all  the 
time  ?" 

Under  much  excitement  he  answered  : 

"  Because— because,  sir,  I — I — I  thought  I 
would  have  a  little  fun  with  you.     That's  why." 

"  Yes ;  because  you  thought  the}^  were  the  girl's 
feet.     That's  why." 

Then  assuming  his  usual  dramatic  attitude, 
and  striking  his  breast  with  his  clinched  fist,  he 
cried  out : 

"Johnston,  if  you  cast  any  imputation  against 
the  character  of  this  young  lady,  you  will  have 
to  answer  to  me,  sir.  Now  remember  what  1  tell 
you." 


More  hus'lino.  33 

**  Well,  Doctor,  y<m  had  better  go  in  and  re- 
sume dancing/   You  are  losing  lots  of  fhn." 

"  Yes,"  he  quickly  answered.  **  I  know  I  am ; 
I  know  I  ato  This  is  what  /  get  for  introducing 
you  into  society '' 

We  then  returned  to  the  dancing  room,  and 
the  Doctor  found  no  difficulty  in  getting  the  at- 
tention of  the  cross-eyed  belle. 

By  this  time  the  boys  were  jealous,  anjrway, 
and  would  have  nothing  to  do  with  her. 

About  two  o'clock  in  the  morning  the  Doctor 
came  to  me  and  said  : 

"Johnston,  I  am  going  to  take  this  young  lady 
home." 

"  How  far  does  she  reside  from  here  ?' 

"  About  six  miles." 

"  Have  you  ordered  a  livery  team  ?" 

"  Not  by  a  dang  sight.  Why  should  I?  Can't 
I  use  our  horse  and  buggy  ?" 

I  replied  that  I  thought  not. 

"  I  think  I  can,  I  know  I  can,  and  I  know  I 
will.  The  half  of  that  rig  belongs  to  me.  I  have 
agreed  to  take  her,  and  I  must  do  it." 

*'Well,  I  should  think  you  had  better  be 
starting,  if  you  are  going  with  our  horse,  and 
expect  to  return  before  mornins'" 


34  MORE   HUS'LING. 

"  We  will  not  start  till  tlie  dance  breaks  up, 
Mr.  Jolinston,"  was  his  defiant  answer. 

"  Where  am  I  to  stay  ?"  I  asked.  "  What  am  I 
going  to  do  while  you  are  traveling  six  miles  and 
back,  with  that  old  plug  of  a  horse,  after  every- 
body has  gone  home  ?" 

"  That,  sir,  is  a  matter  of  no  concern  to  me ; 
but  that  young  lady  must  be  taken  home  by  me 
to-night^  and  no  disappointment." 

Then  he  and  the  cross-eyed  girl  took  their 
places  for  another  quadrille. 

By  this  time  I  was  not  in  the  best  of  humor 
myself,  and  began  to  feel  that  the  Doctor  was 
getting  the  best  of  me. 

My  first  thought  was  to  hitch  up  and  drive 
home,  leaving  him  in  the  lurch.  But  while  con- 
sidering the  matter,  my  opportunity  came  ;  and 
I  was  not  slow  to  take  advantage  of  it. 

During  the  progress  of  the  dance,  when  "  Gents 
to  the  right  and  balance"  was  called,  the  Doctor 
left  his  cross-eyed  partner  to  make  the  round  of 
the  set.  I  rushed  up  to  her  immediately  and  said 
as  quickly  as  possible : 

"  My  dear  Miss,  you  must  not  dance  the  Doc- 
tor so  hard.  He  has  fits,  and  is  liable  to  fall  oi^er 
m  one  at  any  moment.    Why,  in  driving  along  in 


MORE   HUS'LING.  35 

a  carriage  lie  is  liable  to  drop  right  out  in  the 
middle  of  the  road,  leaving  the  horse  to  go  to  de- 
struction." 

"  Thank  you,  thank  you,"  she  said. 

I  then  stepped  back  to  await  results. 

While  talking  with  her,  I  noticed  the  Doctor 
eying  me  with  suspicion,  but  my  interview  was 
so  very  short  that  he  appeared  relieved  on  my 
leaving  her. 

By  this  time  he  came  balancing  around,  with 
his  plug  hat  on  the  back  of  his  head,  his  specta- 
cles hanging  over  his  nose,  and  grasping  his 
gold-headed  cane  about  the  center  with  his  left 
hand,  and  still  retaining  in  his  right  hand  a 
soiled  napkin  which  he  had  brought  from  the 
table  and  mistaken  for  his  handkerchief,  he  came 
balancing  up  to  his  partner  with  a  regular  High- 
land-fling step,  a  most  fascinating  and  bewitch- 
ing smile  on  his  countenance,  and  looked  her 
straight  in  the  face. 

She  looked  completely  dumbfounded,  seemed 
to  have  instantly  lost  interest  in  all  worldly  af- 
fairs, and  stood  stock  still,  staring  cross-eyed  at 
the  Doctor,  as  if  expecting  to  see  him  frothing 
and  foaming  at  the  mouth. 

He   then   seized   her   about  the  waist,   fairly 


36  MORE    HUS'LING. 

lifting  Her  from  the  floor ;  after  swinging  ner  tw(^ 
or  three  times  aronnd,  again  stood  her  up  where 
he  found  her,  when  he  seemed  to  suddenly  com- 
prehend that  something  was  wrong:,  and  instantly 
rchanged  countenance. 

The  young  lady  then  turned  to  him  and  said 
very  reluctantly: 

"  Doctor,  I  wish  to  ask  you  to  excuse  me  from 
our  engagement  this  evening." 

Suddenly  remembering  my  interview  with  her, 
he  said : 

"  What  did  that    red-headed  hyena  say  to 

you  ?  What  diS  he  say  ?  What  did  he  say  ? 
Tell  me ;  tell  me,  quick !  What  di'^  he  say  ?  I 
must  know — I  must  know." 

"  Oh,  nothing  much,  Doctor." 

"  I  demand  to  know  immediately.  Tell  me 
—tell  me  now." 

"  Well,  Doctor,  he  says  you  have  fits." 

"Fits?  fits?  What!  I  have  fits?  Gracious 
Heavens  !  What — when — how — where  is  he  ? 
Where  is  the  infernal  red-headed  liar  ?  Bring 
him  to  me  and  let  me  paralyze  him." 

While  saying  this  he  was  plunging  and  spin- 
lUr  ;  around  in  his  usual  jumping-jack  manner, 
swinging  his  cane  in  one  hand  and  slamming  his 
plug- hat  on  the  ot^^sr. 


MORE    TIUS-LING.  ^^I 

The  floor-manager  stepped  up  and  asked  what 
the  matter  was.     The  Doctor  shrieked  out : 

"  Good !    do  I  look  like  a  man  who  has 

fits  ?     Would  you   think,  to  look  at  me,  that  I 
ever  had  fits  ?"- 

The  floor-manager  placed  his  hands  on  his 
shoulders,  and  said,  sympathetically: 

"  Never  mind,  Doctor,  you  are  not  going  to 
have  a  fit.     Keep  cool.  Doctor.     Keep  perfectly 
quiet.     You  will  soon  get  over  it.     Step  outside 
into  the  cool  air,  and  you  will  soon  get  over  it." 

"  Get  over  what  ?"  said  the  exasperated  man. 
"  You  infernal  fool,  what  are  you  talking  about? 
Do  you  think  I  don't  know  enough  to  take  care 
of  myself?" 

About  a  second  later  I  stepped  into  an  adjoin- 
ing room,  and  there  met  the  cross-eyed  girl  with 
her  things  on  ready  to  leave.  She  said  she  didn't 
know  how  she  would  get  home,  as  her  friends 
had  gone  and  left  her,  expecting  the  Doctor  to 
act  as  her  escort 

I  confessed  that  I  was  only  joking,  and  we  had, 
better  fix  it  up  and  let  the  Doctor  take  her  home. 

She  nearly  went  into  spasms  when  I  suggested 
it,  and  said  she  wouldn't  dare  ride  a  rod  with  such 
a  man. 


38  MORE   HUS'LING. 

The  Doctor's  farmer  friend,  our  host,  came  to 
me  and  said  I  had  better  take  the  young  lady 
home,  and  let  the  Doctor  remain  with  them  all 
night,  and  he  would  take  him  to  town  the  next 
afternoon.  This  was  satisfactory  to  the  young 
miss,  so  we  immediately  slipped  away,  without 
consulting  the  Doctor,  or  even  bidding  him  good 
night. 

On  our  way,  I  asked  her  if  she  would  be  will- 
ing to  consent  to  a  meeting  with  the  Doctor,  or 
open  a  correspondence  with  him.  She  refused 
emphatically  to  do  either,  despite  the  fact  that  I 
declared  the  whole  thing  a  joke. 

She  said  his  actions  at  the  last  were  enough  to 
convince  her  that  it  was  no  joking  affair.  I  was 
anxious  to  do  something  in  the  Doctor's  behalf 
to  atone  for  the  injury  to  his  feelings  that  I  was 
the  cause  of,  but  the  matter  had  gone  too  far. 

I  certainly  had  every  reason  to  regret  that 
things  had  turned  out  as  they  had,  for  the  seven- 
teen miles  of  travel  in  taking  the  girl  home  and 
returning  to  town  proved  too  much  for  the  old 
nag,  and  I  did  not  reach  my  hotel  until  after  nine 
o'clock  that  morning.  I  was  at  a  loss  to  know 
how  to  fix  things  with  the  Doctor  so  as  to  make 
matters  srhooth,  and  have  him  cherish  no  hard 
feelings. 


MORK    HUS'LING.  39 

I  had  decided  that  my  moustache  was  a  failure, 
and  had  concluded  to  have  it  cut  off.  A  plan  came 
into  my  mind  by  which  I  felt  certain  I  could  man- 
age to  please  the  Doctor  so  well  as  to  be  able  to 
bring  about  a  feeling  of  harmony. 

I  arranged  with  my  clerk  that  when  we  saw 
the  Doctor  coming  I  would  lean  back  in  one  of 
the  office  chairs,  apparently  asleep,  and  when  he 
came  in  the  clerk  should  pick  up  a  pair  of  shears 
from  the  window-sill  and  suggest  that  he  (the 
Doctor)  should  clip  one  side  of  my  moustache  off, 
and  let  me  run  around  during  the  evening  a 
laughing-stock  to  every  one. 

It  worked  to  a  charm.  The  Doctor  jumped  at 
the  chance,  and  cut  one  side  close  to  my  lip,  after 
which  I  was  routed  up,  and  was  received  by  him 
with  much  coolness. 

The  clerk  had  posted  every  one  to  say  nothing 
to  me  ;  and  as  I  appeared  as  ridiculous  as  possi- 
ble, and  everybody  laughed  heartily,  the  Doctor 
felt  that  he  had  perpetrated  a  huge  joke  on  me. 

He  was  more  than  pleased  when  I  happened  to 
glance  in  the  mirror,  and  discovered  my  predica- 
ment, as  he  was  sitting  in  the  office. 

x*he  cross-eyed  girl  was  not  referred  to  for  sev- 
eral days  ;  and  when  I  did  mention  her,  the  Doc 


40  MORE    HUS'LING. 

tor  ehaaged  eolcr,  an£  immediately  became  de« 
jected.  Everything-  moved  along  smoothly  for 
several  days  thereafter. 

The  Doctor,  as  before  stated,  was  very  fond  of 
pie  and  coffee,  especially  apple  pie,  and  generally 
■preferred  them  the  first  thing  before  his  regular 
meal,  instead  of  waiting  to  have  them  served 
as  a  dessert. 

Becoming  dissatisfied  with  my  dining-room 
and  kitchen  help,  I  had  discharged  them  and  hired 
an  entire  new  force.  When  giving  them  instruc- 
tions I  gave  the  dining-room  girls  a  description 
of  the  Doctor,  and  pointed  out  the  seat  he 
usually  occupied ;  and  cautioned  them  in  partic- 
ular not  under  any  circumstances  to  give  him  pie 
or  coffee. 

They  seemed  curious  to  know  the  reason,  and 
I  explained  that  he  was  crazy,  and  the  very  mo 
ment  he  drank  a  swallow  of  coffee  or  ate  a  mouth- 
ful of  pie  he  became  raving  at  once,  and  would  be 
liable  to  murder  the  whole  lot  of  them  ;  and  the 
doctors  had  given  strict  orders  never  to  let  him 
have  either. 

That  day  we  had  apple  pie  for  dinner,  and  I 
managed  to  have  one  of  the  boarders,  who  always 
sat  at  the  same  table  with  the  Doctor,  get  into  thf 


MORE    HUS'LING.  '4I 

dining  room  a  little  ahead  of  him,  and  to  have 
some  apple  pie  and  a  cup  of  coflfee  by  his  plate. 
The  Doctor  entered  as  usual,  and  after  looking 
over  the  table,  said : 

"  Bring  me  some  apple  pie  and  coffee." 

"  We  have  no  pie  or  coffee,  Doctor,"  was  the 
girl's  weak  and  trembling  reply. 

"  Do  you  claim  you  have  none  at  all  ?"  was  his 
quick  inquiry. 

"  None  at  all.  Doctor,"  she  answered. 

"  And  haven't  you  had  any  for  dinner  ?"  was 
his  next  question. 

"  No,  sir,"  she  replied. 

"The   d 1   you    say!     What's    that    over 

there?"  he  asked,  pointing  to  his  neighbor's 
plate.     The  girl  stammered  a  moment,  and  said: 

"  Doctor,  we  are  instructed  not  to  give  you  pie 
or  coffee." 

.  "  Who  the  d ^1  gave  you  such  instructions?" 

demanded  he. 

"  Well,"  said  she,  evidently  wishing  not  to 
compromise  me,  "  the  doctor  says  you  mustn't 
have  either." 

"  Great 1  what  doctor  said  so  ?    Who  told 

you  the  doctor  said  so  ?  Why  did  he  say  I  should 
not  have  pie  or  coffee  ?"  he  shouted. 


42  MORE    HUS'LING. 

"  Because  lie  says  you  are  crazy,"  slie  hesitat- 
ingly answered. 

"  Great  Heavens !  girl ;  it's  you  that's  crazy  !" 
and  slamming  his  iist  on  the  table,  and  jumping 
to  his  feet,  he  demanded  an  explanation  in- 
stantly. 

The  girl  ran  to  the  kitchen,  and  the  Doctor  af- 
ter her.  The  rest  fled  for  their  lives,  screaming 
at  the  top  of  their  voices  and  scattering  in  all  di- 
rections. Some  ran  into  the  yard,  some  up  stairs, 
and  the  poor  frightened  girl  who  had  attempted 
to  take  his  order  took  refuge  in  the  cellar,  the 
Doctor  after  her,  yelling  at  the  top  of  his  voice, 
still  demanding  an  explanation.  He  barricaded 
the  cellar-way  by  swinging  his  cane  and  banging 
it  against  a  tin  wash-boiler  near  the  entrance,  and 
declared  that  the  girl  never  should  see  daylight 
again  unless  she  revealed  the  source  of  her  infor- 
mation. 

It  was  now  about  one  o'clock,  and  the  landlady 
had  arrived  on  the  noon  train ;  and,  after  locat- 
ing her  newly  painted  hotel,  came  in  just  in  tima 
to  catch  us  in  the  heat  of  the  excitement,  and  th^ 
Doctor  in  the  cellar  in  the  midst  of  his  contro- 
versy. 

She  demanded  an  explanation,  and  became  very 


MORE    HUSLING.  43 

nervous  when  the  cook  excitedly  told  her  that 
the  Doctor  had  gone  raving  crazy,  and  had  driven 
one  of  the  girls  down  cellar. 

She  asked  me  why  I  didn't  go  down  after  him. 
I  told  her  I  didn't  dare  to. 

Directly  he  came  stamping  up  the  stairs, 
swearing  at  the  top  of  his  voice,  and  said  he  just 
expected  it  was  the  work  of  that  cussed  red- 
headed d 1. 

As  he  emerged  from  the  cellar-way,  with  hb' 
wild  defiant  look  and  an  oath  on  his  lips,  and  saw 
the  landlady  standing  in  the  doorway,  he  looked 
the  picture  of  despair. 

He  faltered  for  a  moment,  during  which  time 
there  was  another  general  stampede.  I  was  the 
first  to  start  on  the  run,  with  the  old  lady  follow- 
ing after,  leaving  the  Doctor  by  himself.  He 
tried  to  find  some  one  to  listen  to  him,  but  the 
moment  he  would  venture  near  any  one  about 
the  house,  they  would  fly  away  at  lightning 
speed. 

The  landlady  asked  how  long  he  had  been  so 
and  suggested  calling  a  physician,  or  having  bin; 
sent  to  an  asylum. 

After  the  matter  had  gone  as  far  as  I  thought 
it  should,  and  farther  than  T  bad  any  idea  it  evet 


44  '  MORE    HUS'LING. 

would  go,  I  began  te  explain  that  it  was  only  a 
joke.  But  again  the  thing  had  gone  too  far.  M}' 
dining-room  girls  immediately  quit  work,  declar- 
ing that  I  couldn't  fool  them,  as  they  had  seen 
enough. 

With  considerable  difficulty  I  satisfied  the 
landlady  that  it  was  only  a  joke. 

It  then  became  necessary  to  satisfy  her  that 
the  extensive  improvements  on  the  house  had 
been  a  good  investment.  While  up  stairs  show 
ing  her  the  changes  I  had  made,  I  noticed  the 
Doctor's  door  was  opened,  and  that  he  was  inside 

Suddenly  we  came  to  a  room  directly  opposite 
his,  which  I  had  had  papered  and  re-furnished, 
and  she  remarked  that  it  suited  her  exactly,  and 
that  it  showed  good  taste.    I  said,  in  a  loud  tone . 

"  Well,  landlady,  the  Doctor  suggested  this, 
and  I  have  depended  largely  on  his  taste  and 
iudgment." 

We  then  stepped  to  the  Doctor's  door,  and  were 
invited  in.  She  aided  me  as  much  as  possible 
in  keeping  up  a  conversation,  and  complimented 
the  Doctor  on  his  exquisite  taste. 

He  was  immensely  plea.sed,  and  after  she  k6 
I  remained  with  him  a  few  moments 

He  lumped  up  and   closed   the  nooi    ^.nc5  wa* 


MORE    HUS'LING.  45 

aoout  to  give  me  a  tongue-lasMng.  when  I  an- 
ticipated him  by  saying : 

"  Doctor,  don't  it  beat  thunder  about  that  girl  ? 
Great  Heavens  !  Had  I  known  she  was  just  out 
of  the  Asylum  I  never  would  have  hired  her. 
And  isn't  it  strange  that  she  twits  every  one  else 
of  being  crazy  ?  I  wouldn't  have  her  around  ten 
days  for  the  price  of  the  hotel.  But  you  will  not 
be  bothered  any  more,  Doctor,  for  she  is  gone." 

He  gave  me  a  very  searching  look,  and  said : 

"Johnston,  was  it  she  or  I  that  was  considered 
crazy  ?'* 

"  Well  Doctor,  I  understand  that  she  was  crazy 
and  you  followed  her  down  cellar  to  prevent  her 
from  committing  suicide.  At  least  that  is  the 
way  the  matter  has  been  represented  to  the  land- 
lady and  me." 

"  Well,  I  understood,"  said  lie  seeming  much 
relieved,  "  that  they  considered  me  crazy." 

"  O,  my !  Doctor  I  the  landlady  considers  you 
one  of  the  bravest  and  most  courageous  men  she 
ever  saw,  to  follow  a  raving  maniac  down  cellar 
the  way  you  did." 

He  said  he  was  really  surprised  to  learn  that 
such  was  the  case,  as  he  had  gotten  quite  a 
different  idea. 

2i 


46  MORE  HUS'LING. 

A  few  days  later  my  wife  and  boy  arrived,  as 
I  had  sent  for  them  some  days  before. 

The  Doctor  and  I  sold  off  our  personal  prop- 
rty  and  things  moved  on  very  harmoniously. 

One  day  a  lady  called  to  consult  him  profes- 
sionally and  paid  him  five  dollars  in  cash.  This 
gave  him  renewed  courage  and  he  declared  his 
intention  of  locating  there  permanently,  as  he 
not  only  believed  it  to  be  a  good  point,  but  he 
was  rapidly  becoming  known  and  could  very 
soon  establish  himself  in  a  lucrative  practice. 

The  business  of  the  hotel  increased,  and  to  the 
landlady's  astonishment,  was  making  money. 
She  could  not  understand  how  it  had  cleared  so 
much,  till  I  explained  to  her  that  I  had  raised 
the  rates  from  one  dollar  to  one  dollar  fifty  and 
two  dollars  per  day.  She  became  much  fright- 
ened and  declared  I  would  ruin  her  business. 

I  declared  it  would  be  run  on  those  terms,  or 
act  at  all  if  I  run  it.  She  became  reconciled,  and 
in  a  few  weeks  found  a  responsible  party  who 
paid  her  a  good  rental  for  the  house  and  fumi- 
nuet  ftnd  leased  it  for  a  term  of  years. 


MORK    HUS'LING.  47 


CHAPTER  XXn. 

OUT  OF  A  POSITION — MOVED    TO    ANN  ARBO*^. 

HOW  I  MADE  A  RAISE — A  RETURN  TO  FUR 
NITURE  POLISH — SELLING  EXPERIENCE  - 
HAULING  COKE — MY  SUMMER  CLOTHES  IN 
A  SNOV/-STORM  —  A  GLOOMY  CHRISTMAS  - 
AN  ATTACK  OF  BILIOUS  FEVER — F^TABLISH- 
ING  AN  ENFORCED  CREDIT  —  THE  PHOTO- 
GRAPH I  SENT  MY  MOTHER — ENGAGED  AS 
AN  AUCTIONEER  AT  TOLEDO,  OHIO — M\ 
FIRST   SALE. 

The  leasing  of  the  hotel  by  the  landlady 
threw  me  out  of  a  position,  and  at  a  time 
when  cold  weather  had  set  in,  and  I  had  spent 
all  the  money  I  had  received  for  the  horses,  be- 
sides the  salary  I  had  drawn,  in  clothing  my  wift 
and  boy  comfortably.  I  had  intended  to  piovide 
myself  with  winter  clothing  with  my  next 
month's  salary,  but  the  change  came  too  sud- 
denly for  me.  Consequently  I  was  left  with  my 
summer  clothes,  and  a  dozen  bottles  of  Furniture 
and  Piano  Polish  as  stock  \n  trade- 


48  MORE   HUS'LING. 

As  soon  as  I  saw  there  was  going  to  be  a 
change  in  the  hotel,  I  wrote  to  an  old  lady  in  Ann 
Arbor,  whose  name  was  given  me  by  a  medical 
student,  making  inquiries  about  furnished  rooms 
for  light  housekeeping. 

She  wrote  in  reply  that  she  could  rent  me  one 
room  suitable  for  that  purpose,  at  one  dollar  pei 
week.  We  decided  to  go  there,  as  we  could  not 
procure  furnished  rooms  in  Pontiac  for  light 
housekeeping,  besides  I  considered  Ann  Arbor 
a  good  town  to  operate  in. 

I  had  just  money  enough  to  pay  our  traveling 
expenses,  and  explained  to  my  wife  that  we  had 
better  leave  on  the  morning  train,  which  would 
get  us  into  Ann  Arbor  at  two  o'clock  in  the  aftei  - 
noon.  And  as  that  day  would  be  Saturday,  I  could 
"  hus'le  "  out  and  sell  polish  enough  to  pay  our 
rent  and  buy  provisions  for  over  Sunday. 

She  agreed  with  me  and  we  started  accord- 
ingly. But  our  train  was  belated  by  a  freight 
train  being  ditched,  so  we  did  not  reach  our  desti- 
nation till  six  o'clock  that  night  without  a  single 
cent  in  our  pockets. 

The  night  was  dark  and  gloomy  and  the  snow 
flying,  while  I  hus'led  around  in  my  low-cut 
shoes,  high-water  pants,  summer    ulster  and  a 


MORE    HUS'LING.  49 

straw  hat.  We  walked  nearly  all  over  the  town 
following  directions  given  by  first  one  fool  and 
then  another,  lugging  the  boy  and  our  baggage, 
searching  for  Mrs.  Hcgan,  corner  of  Second  and 
Ann  streets.  At  last  we  reached  the  place  and  I 
introduced  myself  as  the  one  who  had  engaged  a 
room  of  her  by  letter.  After  explaining  to  the 
old  lady  that  we  had  just  arrived  from  Pontiac, 
she  looked  us  over  carefully  and  remarked : 

"You  didn't  walk  did  you?" 
.    I  replied  that  we  had  come  part  of  the  way  on 
the  cars,  and  then  I  told  her  of  our  march  around 
town. 

I  noticed  at  once  that  she  was  anxious  about 
her  rent,  as  we  had  taken  possession.  So  I  said 
to  my  wife : 

"  Well  I  must  go  out  instantly  to  find  those 
parties,  or  I  wont  be  able  to  see  them  till  Mofl' 
day.  I  will  be  back  just  as  soon  as  I  possibly 
can,  so  you  must  not  worry.  Mrs.  Hogan  will 
you  direct  me  to  a  wood  yard  ?" 

"  Never  mind  the  wood  Mr.  Johnston.  It  will 
be  impossible  to  get  a  load  delivered  to-night.  I 
will  let  you  have  enough  to  last  over  Sundaj^" 

We  thanked  her  and  she  left  the  room. 

Then   my  wife  said  she   had   often  told  her 


50  MORE    HUS'LING. 

parents  that  she  was  sure  of  three  meals  a  day  as 
long  as  I  lived,  but  she  guessed  I  was  cornered 
for  once  in  my  life. 

"  But,"  said  I  "  if  it  were  only  one  meal  that 
we  were  liable  to  miss  it  would  not  be  so  terrible, 
but  here  it  is  late  Saturday  and  if  I  can't  raise 
enough  for  supper,  I  certainly  can't  for  over 
Sunday.  But  this  is  what  the  preacher  termed 
a  *  wood-chuck  case '  and  something  must  be 
done  at  once." 

She  didn't  understand  what  the  wood-chuck 
case  meant,  till  I  told  her  that  it  simply  meant 
we  were  "  out  of  meat." 

1  picked  up  my  little  valise,  containing  twelve 
bottles  of  Furniture  Polish  and  started  out.  I 
walked  down  town,  not  knowing  what  to  do. 
The  snow  was  flpng  through  my  straw  hat  and 
the  wind  whistling  around  me  at  a  terrible  rate 
as  I  stood  on  the  comer  wondering  where  to  go 
next.  I  looked  up  street  and  saw  a  meat  market 
to  which  I  was  naturally  attracted.  Although 
the  gentleman  in  attendance  was  very  busy,  I 
rushed  in  with : 

"  How  are  you  this  evening  sir  ?  I  am  glad  to 
find  you  when  you  have  time  to  look  at  my 
wonderful  preparation  for  renovating  furniture^ 


MORE    HUS'LING.  5 1 

I'll  show  you  how  nicely  it  operates  nght  here 
on  your  desk." 

Then  as  I  began  polishing  it  up,  I  rattled 
on  at  lightning  speed,  explaining  how  per- 
fectly dr}^  it  would  become  in  less  than  a 
minute  from  the  time  it  was  applied  leaving  no 
chance  for  dust  or  dirt  to  settle  and  stick  upon 
the  furniture  it  was  not  in  the  least  sticky  or 
gummy  to  the  fingers  giving  no  displeasure  in 
using  a  cloth — any  lady  could  apply  it  and  easi- 
ly renovate  her  own  furniture  it  would  remove  all 
fly  specks  from  picture  frames  and  brackets  as 
well  as  stained  furniture  caused  by  hot  dishes 
hot  water  cologne  camphor  or  medicine  and -" 

"  And  for  goodness  sake,  what  else  ?"  cried  he. 
"  Will  it  make  you  stop  talking  if  I'll  take  a 
ottle?" 

"  Yes  sir,  I  always  stop  then.** 

"  How  much  is  it  a  bottle  ?"  he  asked. 

"  One  dollar,  and  I  want  but  fifty  cents  iu  cash 
dnd  the  balance  in  steak." 

He  was  about  to  say  he  would  take  it,  when 
he  asked  who  in  thunder  I  was,  anyhow,  and  if 
I  had  ever  patronized  him,  and  stated  that  he 
didn't  remember  ever  seeing  me  before. 

I  now  realized  that  the  inoment  had  arrived 


T.2  MORE    HUS'LING. 

when  to  decide  the  meat  question  i  had  got  to 
be  equal  to  the  occasion.  Looking  n^p  at  him,  I 
confidentl}^  said : 

"  Well,  for  Heaven's  sake  !  Don't  you  remem- 
ber my  little,  red-headed  brothei  that  comes  in 
here  after  meat  ever}'  day  ?" 

"Oh,  yes,  that  little  hair-Hpped  cuss," said  he. 
I  laughed,  and  said: 

"  Well,  lie  isn^t  a  bad  sort  of  a  lad,  when  you 
get  acquainted  with  him." 

He  then  cut  oflf  four  pounds  of  steak  and  gave 
me,  with  fifty  cents  cash,  and  I  departed  in  much 
better  spirits  than  when  I  called.  I  then  made 
a  bee-line  for  the  nearest  grocery  store ;  and  al- 
though I  found  the  proprietor  very  busy  I  man- 
aged to  get  his  attention,  and  after  showing  him 
my  preparation  on  one  of  his  show-cases,  suc- 
::eeded  in  selling  him  a  bottle  for  one  dollar. 

I  offered  to  take  it  in  groceries,  but  he  said  he 
preferred  to  pay  cash,  and  let  me  do  the  same 
when  I  patronized  him.  I  invested  seventy-five 
cents  in  potatoes,  coffee,  sugar,  etc.,  and  then 
started  for  a  bakery,  where  I  came  in  con- 
tact with  a  lady.  She  fought  me  very  hard,  bat 
I  needed  bread,  and  worked  like  a  trooper  to  ge» 
,.t  without  parting  with  the  few  shillings  I  had 


MORE.  HUS'LING.  53 

I  ai  last  succeeded  in  getting  her  so  far  inter- 
ested as  to  ask  the  price. 

Realizing  that  her  intuitive  qviickness  and 
shrewdness  surpassed  that  of  my  two  gentlemen 
patrons,  and  that  she  evinced  but  little  interest 
anyhow,  I  reduced  the  price  to  fifty  cents,  and 
offered  to  take  half  in  trade  and  the  balance  in 
cash.  This  she  agreed  to,  and  I  very  soon  de- 
parted with  my  arms  full  of  provisions,  and  one 
dollar  in  cash. 

I  then  visited  Tremain's  drug  store,  and  or-' 
dered  more  Polish  put  up,  to  be  ready  the  fol- 
lowing Monday. 

I  went  directly  home,  n.ore  pleased  with  my 
success  than  anything  I  had  ever  before  accom- 
plished. Nor  can  I  now  remember  of  ever  suc- 
ceeding in  anything  since  that  gave  me  more 
satisfaction.  As  I  entered  the  room,  about  nine 
o'clock,  with  my  arms  loaded  with  packages, 
my  wife  sang  out : 

''Little  late,  but  still  in  the  ring." 

With  grim  irony  I  replied:  "And  the  villain 
At  ill  pursued  her." 

However,  I  appreciated  the  joke  as  much  as 
she  did ;  and  we  were  but  a  few  moments  in  pre- 
paring a  meal  that  each  pronounced  the  best 
we  had  ever  partaken  of. 


5^_  MORE    HUS'LING. 

Our  landlady  looked  in  upon  us  again  that 
uigBt,  when  I  handed  her  the  dollar  due  for  rent, 
saying  as  I  did  so,  that  I  might  as  well  pay  it 
then  as  to  wait  till  Monday. 

We  felt  quite  comfortable,  and  congratulated 
ourselves  on  our  success  in  pulling  through,  and 
making  such  a  narrow  escape. 

My  wife's  faith  in  the  three-meals-a-day  theory 
was  strengthened  more  than  ever  after  this  ;  and 
I  felt  myself  that  I  had  come  about  as  near  miss- 
ing a  meal  as  I  would  probably  ever  again  expe- 
rience. 

•  When  Monday  morning  came  I  was  ready  for 
business  with  my  nine  bottles  of  Polish. 

The  first  house  I  visited  was  a  large  stone 
front,  showing  the  owner  to  be  a  man  of  wealth. 
I  noticed  the  front  window  blinds  were  closed,  and 
as  it  was  Monday  morning  I  concluded  that  the 
lady  of  the  house  would  likely  be  found  at  the 
side  door,  or  possibly  overseeing  in  the  laundry. 
The  latter  I  found  to  be  the  case,  and  when  I 
rang  the  bell  she  answered  it  herself.  Upon  see- 
ing me  with  my  valise,  she  slammed  the  door  in 
my  face,  and  I  heard  the  bolt  shove,  as  though 
expecting  me  to  attempt  to  break  in. 

This  exasperated  me   more  than  the  rebuff. 


MORE    UT^S'LINO.  55 

and  I  could  feel  my  hair  standing  straight  up 
almost  piercing  my  straw  hat.  I  started  around 
toward  the  front  of  the  house,  expecting  to  tr^' 
the  next  neighbor.  When  I  neared  the  fron. 
steps,  I  was  siezed  with  a  determination  to  either 
get  into  that  house  or  make  the  old  lady  some 
trouble  for  her  impudence.  So  I  ran  up  and 
pulled  the  bell  vigorously  several  times.  Directl}' 
I  heard  the  doors  opening  and  closing  and  a  gen- 
eral rustling  about  through  the  rooms,  when 
suddenly  the  front  door  opened  just  far  enough 
to  admit  me  and  I  landed  in  the  hall- way  with 
a  single  bound.  The  lady  recognized  me  and 
said : 

"  Here  you  are  again." 

"  Yes'm  here  I  am  and  I  am  here  to  convince 
you  that  I  am  no  house-burglar  nor  highway 
robber  I  am  here  with  a  valuable  article  which 
you  can  not  afford  to  be  without  nor  can  any 
other  house-keeper  and  were  I  to  leave  without 
showing  it  you  would  always  pride  yourself  on 
getting  rid  of  one  impostor  I  must  insist  on 
showing  you  the  value  of  my  preparation  which 
I  can  do  on  the  hat-tree  here  in  the  hall." 

I  then  began  polishing,  and  kept  up  a  cease- 
less  run  of  talk,  much  to  the  disgust  of  hei  high 


56  MORI-:    IIUS'LING. 

ness,  wlio  insisted  that  all  peddlers  and  agents 
were  tramps,  virtually  speaking.  I  managed  how- 
ever, to  do  most  of  the  talking  and  at  last  con- 
vinced her  from  its  rapid  drying  qualities  that  it 
was  almost  indispensable.  I  then  closed  a  sale 
Math  her,  and  as  she  had  been  so  very  courteous 
and  complimentary  in  her  opinion  of  agents  and 
peddlers,  I  let  her  have  two  bottles  for  three 
dollars. 

The  third  house  I  visited  was  that  of  a  mid- 
dle-aged gentleman  who,  after  purchasing  a 
bottle  of  my  renovator,  expressed  a  desire  to 
become  an  agent  for  its  sale.  I  informed  him 
that  I  was  sole  proprietor  and  could  give  him  a 
very  good  chance.  He  asked  what  I  would  take 
for  Washtenaw  County,  Michigan.  I  saw  at 
once  that  he  was  anxious  to  invest  in  territory, 
and  as  my  preparation  was  not  patented,  I 
decided  to  accommodate  him  by  letting  him  have 
the  exclusive  sale  of  it  in  that  county  for  a  rea- 
sonable consideration.  I  proposed  to  let  him 
have  the  agency  for  that  county  for  fifty  dollars. 
The  idea  pleased  him,  but  he  thought  the  price 
rather  high.  He  had  raised  a  very  fine  garden 
and  had  a  nice  lot  of  vegetables  in  his  cellar, 
which  he  showed  me  with  a  good  deal  of  pride. 


I 


MORE    HUS'LING.  5  7 

While  looking  them  over  I  took  a  careful  iinen 
tory  of  every  thing  and  became  satisfied  that  he 
had  enough  stowed  away  for  two  families,  and  as 
soon  as  we  returned  from  the  cellar  I  began 
piegotiating  for  a  portion  of  each  kind.  His 
wife  as  well  as  himself  was  elated  with  the 
prospect  of  trading  some  of  the  products  of 
their  garden  for  a  good  paying  business,  and  in 
less  than  an  hour  I  closed  a  deal,  immediately 
ordered  a  team  and  after  loading  up  with  pota- 
toes, beets,  turnips,  apples,  cabbage,  etc.,  and 
receiving  ten  dollars  in  cash  drove  home  with 
x'^egetables  enough  to  last  us  several  weeks. 

I  gave  the  gentleman  a  written  agreement  that 
he  could  have  the  exclusive  sale  for  the  polist 
in  the  said  County.  After  the  trade  was  made 
he  asked  me  where  he  was  going  to  get  the  pol- 
ish, and  wanted  me  to  give  him  the  recipe  for 
making  it.  This  I  refused  to  do  but  explained 
that  I  could  furnish  it  to  him  at  a  certain  price 
per"  dozen.  He  then  wanted  to  know  if  I  had 
any  other  agents  traveling.  I  told  him  I  had 
not. 

He  then  asked  if  I  cared  if  he  sold  in  other 

Counties.     I  answered  him  that  I  did  not. 
"Well,"  he  next  asked,  "what  in  Heaven's 

lame  have  T  beea  .      qnyhow?" 


58  MORZ    IIUS'LING. 

"  Experience,"  I  answered. 

He  became  excited,  and  said  he  didn't  need  ex- 
perience. 

I  told  him  I  thought  he  did,  and  that  I  consid- 
ered the  price  very  low  for  the  amount  I  had  let 
him  have. 

After  chaffing  him  a  few  moments  and  getting 
him  exceedingly  nervous,  I  gave  him  the  recipe 
with  full  instructions  in  the  manner  of  making 
sales.  This  pleased  him,  and  he  began  prepar- 
ations for  canvassing  outside  of  town. 

I  then  visited  a  wood-yard  with  a  view  to  pur- 
chasing a  load,  but  found  it  would  cost  about  as 
much  for  a  cord  of  wood  in  Ann  Arbor  as  it 
would  for  a  farm  in  Dakota.  I  then  inquired  of 
the  proprietor  how  other  poor  devils  managed  to 
keep  warm  in  the  town. 

I  was  told  that  many  of  them  used  coke  at  ten 
cents  per  bushel,  procured  at  the  gas  works. 

My  landlady  informed  me  that  she  could 
furnish  us  with  a  stove  (in  place  of  the  one  we 
were  using)  that  would  bum  coke.  I  consented 
to  allow  her  to  make  the  exchange,  and  borrow- 
ing a  wheel-barrow  started  for  the  gas  factory 
where  I  bought  a  bushel. 

When  I  returned  the  new  stov/e  was  ready  and 
I  began  starting  a  fire.     It  fooV  ihont  t^vo  hours 


MORE   HUS'LING.  59 

time  and  the  whole  bushel  of  coke  to  start  it^ 
and  I  was  obliged  to  "hus'le  "  back  after  another 
load  forthwith.  We  were  successful  in  getting 
a  good  fire  started,  but  very  soon  discovered  that 
it  required  a  full  bushel  of  coke  at  a  time  in  the 
fire-box  to  keep  it  up,  even  during  moderate 
weather. 

We  were  quite  well  satisfied,  however,  for 
several  days,  or  until  the  extreme  cold  weather 
set  in,  when  by  being  obliged  to  open  the  drafts 
of  our  stove  to  get  sufficient  heat,  we  discovered 
it  took  obout  two  bushels  at  a  time  constantly  in 
the  stove  to  keep  it  running,  and  to  my  disgust  I 
found  at  such  times  that  the  old  stove  would 
bum  about  a  bushel  a  minute.  Thus  I  had  the 
poor  satisfaction  of  seeing  my  money  float  up 
the  chimney  at  the  rate  of  about  ten  cents  a 
minute.  I  didn't  even  have  the  satisfaction  of 
enjoying  this  expensive  luxury,  as  I  was  com- 
pelled to  divide  my  time  between  hauling  coke 
with  the  old  wheel-barrow  and  "  hus'ling"  out  with 
the  polish  to  raise  money  to  pay  for  it  and  our 
provisions.  However  I  was  not  a  continual  suf- 
ferer from  cold,  although  still  wearing  my  summer 
clothes,  as  this  constant  "hus'ling  kept  me  in 
a  sultry  condition  both  mentally  and  physically 


6o  MOKE    HUS'LING. 

Time  passed  on  bringing  very  little  change  tt 
my  straitened  circumstances.  1  was  illy  pre- 
pared to  withstand  the  severity  of  a  Michigan 
wintet.  I  had  no  hose  except  half  worn  cotton 
ones,  no  warm  underwear  or  over-shoes  which  I 
sorely  needed  in  my  endless  tramping  from  house 
to  house,  and  no  overcoat  until  February.  The 
only  articles  of  winter  apparel  I  had  were  a  pair 
of  woolen  mittens  and  a  pair  of  ear  mufflers,  both 
of  which  I  got  from  an  old  lady  in  exchange  for 
furniture  polish,  and  which  will  be  seen  illus- 
trated in  the  photograph  I  sent  to  my  mother 
while  in  this  sorry  condition. 

It  was  the  night  before  Christmas,  and  the 
contents  of  my  pocket-book  were  meager  indeed. 
Pedestrians  were  hurrying  to  and  fro,  arms  and 
pockets  filled  with  packages  to  gladden  the 
hearts  of  the  lovecl  ones  at  home.  My  naturally 
buoyant  spirits  fell  to  zero  as  I  thought  of  mj 
wife  and  baby-boy  and  realized  that  I  had  noth- 
ing for  them  with  which  to  make  merry  on  the 
morrow. 

I  turned  my  steps  homeward  well-nigh  dis 
heartened.  My  sales  had  been  slow  that  day 
owing  to  the  universal  purchasing  of  holiday 
goods  and  the  scarcity  of  money  left  in  the  fajnily 


MORE   HUS'LING.  6 1 

purse.  However,  I  suddenly  determiued  to  make 
one  more  effort,  and  see  what  miglit  be  my  suc- 
cess in  effecting  anotlier  sale  before  going  home. 
I  therefore  called  at  a  spacious  stone  front  man- 
sion, was  admitted  by  the  servant  and  ushered 
into  the  handsomely  furnished  parlor  to  await 
the  coming  of  the  mistress. 

It  was  a  home  of  luxury,  evidenced  by  the 
rich  carpets,  elegant  pieces  of  furniture,  paint- 
ings of  well-known  artists  and  beautiful  bric-a- 
brac  in  an  expensive  cabinet. 

There  was  no  biting  chill  from  Jack  Frost  in 
this  home.  In  the  short  time  I  sat  there  I 
wondered  if  the  occupants  appreciated  the  good 
things  around  them.  How  could  they,  if  they 
had  never  known  hunger  and  cold  and  discom- 
fort? 

These  queries  kept  entering  my  mind : 

"Will  such  furniture  as  this  ever  be  mine? 
Will  I  ever  be  the  owner  of  a  stove  as  nice  as 
that  base-burner  ?  Will  carpets  as  luxurious  as 
these  ever  belong  to  me  ?  Will  I  ever  be  able  t<i 
dress  comfortably  and  genteelly  ?" 

It  would  be  a  very  difficult  matter  to  describe 
to  the  reader  my  thoughts  on  that  occasion. 
(I  will  add  that  I  made  a  sale.) 


62  MORE    HUS'LING. 

In  these  later  years  when  my  income  has  been 
sufficient  to  warrant  me  in  buying  any  thing  I 
desire  for  personal  comfort,  1  often  think  of 
the  cheerless  experiences  of  that  winter.  And  I 
can  truthfully  say  that  my  heart  goes  out  to  the 
homeless  and  destitute,  and  I  am  always  willing 
to  extend  a  helping  hand  to  those  who  show  a 
willingness  to  help  themselves. 

That  was  a  long  winter,  take  it  all  in  all;  but 
we  managed  to  get  three  meals  a  day,  notwith- 
standing I  had  an  attack  of  bilious  fever  which 
made  matters  look  very  gloomy. 

For  several  years  I  had  never  failed  to  have 
one  of  these  attacks  in  the  winter. 

Realizing  what  to  expect  when  the  usual 
symptoms — chills — began  to  overpower  me,  1 
decided  at  once  to  make  some  sort  of  provision 
for  my  family, 

I  called  at  a  butcher  shop,  and  after  ordering 
twenty  pounds  of  beef-steak  and  getting  it  in  my 
possession  I  asked  the  butcher  to  charge  it.  He 
said  he  didn't  care  to  do  business  in  that  way. 
I  told  him  I  didn't  care  to  either  but 

"  But,"  he  interrupted  *'  /  don't  have  to  do 
business  that  way." 

''  Well  sir,  I  do.     So  you  see  that's  the  differ' 


MORE    HUS'LING.  63 

ence  between  you  and  me,  and  as  possession  is 
about  ten  points  of  law  I  guess  you  will  do  bette: 
and  will  no  doubt  get  your  pay  more  quickly  if 
you  will  quietly  submit  to  my  proposition." 

I  then  explained  to  him  my  circumstances. 

He  asked  why  I  didn't  explain  in  the  first 
place. 

I  replied  "  because  I  needed  the  meat." 

Then  he  asked  my  name  and  said  he  hoped  I 
would  be  honest  with  him. 

I  next  called  at  a  grocery  and  gave  quite  an 
extensive  order  to  be  delivered  at  our  room. 

In  about  an  hour  the  groceries  and  a  sack  of 
flour  were  brought  to  the  door.  I  ordered  them 
inside,  and  then  the  bill  was  presented.  I  folded 
it  and  put  it  my  pocket,  saying: 

*' Just  tell  Mr. to  charge  this." 

"All  right  sir,"  the  boy  replied  and  drove  off. 

In  less  than  twenty  minutes  the  proprietor 
came  rushing  down  fairly  frothing  at  the  mouth, 
and  in  a  high  state  of  exasperation  rapped  at  the 
door,  and  when  admitted  asked  excitedly  what  in 
thunder  I  meant. 

I  coolly  explained  that  we  simply  meant  to  try 
and  exist  another  day  or  two  if  buckwheat  flouj 
q.nd  coffee  and  sugar  would  keep  us  alive. 


64  MORE   HUS'LING. 

He  said  I  couldn't  live  on  his  flour  and  coffee. 

I  politely  informed  him  that  I  had  no  use  foi 
his,  as  I  had  plenty  of  my  own  just  then. 

"  Well,  why  in  thunder  did  3^ou  come  anci 
*  stand  me  off'  in  this  way  if  you  had  plenty  of 
your  own  ?" 

"  But  my  dear  sir,  I  had  none  of  my  own 
before  I  called  on  you." 

"The  devil  you  hadn't.  And  do  you  claim  sir, 
that  you  own  the  things  just  delivered  from  my 
store?"  • 

''  Of  course  I  do,  but  I  don't  deny  that  I  owe 
you,  and  am  willing  to  confess  judgment  if  you 
wish  me  to  do  so." 

After  he  had  cooled  off  a  little  I  stated  my 
condition,  when  he  too  asked  why  I  didn't  ex- 
plain in  the  beginning. 

I  answered  that  I  had  been  on  earth  too  long 
to  take  any  such  chances. 

I  had  a  siege  of  about  ten  days'  sickness,  aftei 
which  I  "  hus'led "  out,  and  by  extra  exertion 
managed  to  accumulate  money  enough  to  pay  up 
my  grocery  and  butcher  bills.  This  greatly 
pleased  the  proprietors,  and  proved  the  means  of 
making  them  my  best  friends,  and  just  such  as 
might  come  very  convenient  *o  have,  in  case  of 

oliite  necessi^^ 


MORK    HUS'LING.  65 

During  my  several  months'  absence  from 
home  my  correspondence  with  my  mother  had 
been  more  limited  than  usual.  I  felt  that  during 
my  entire  career  I  had  never  shown  2  disposition 
to  loaf  or  to  sponge  my  living.  While  I  had  fre- 
quently been  assisted,  I  had  kept  a  strict  account 
of  every  dollar,  and  had  regarded  it,  in  each  in- 
stance, as  a  business  loan,  expecting  to  pay  it 
back  some  day ;  and  had  never  asked  for  assist- 
ance except  when  I  actually  needed  it..  It  was 
impossible  at  that  time  for  me  to  understand  my 
mother's  policy  in  abruptly  refusing  me  aid,  when 
I  felt  that  she  was  at  least  able  to  assist  me  a 
little. 

A-t  any  rate,  I  was  immensely  "  red-headed  " 
all  the  time,  and  declared  that  I  would  fight  it 
out  on  that  line,  if  I  had  to  wear  my  summer 
clothes  all  "-'iter,  I  had  declared  that  I  would 
never  return  home  till  I  was  comfortably  weH 
fixed,  or  at  least  in  a  fair  way  to  prosper.  How 
well  I  kept  my  word  will  be  sfeen  farther  on. 

I  remember  during  that  siege,  a  coal  and  wood- 
dealer  offered  me  a  position  in  his  office  at  fifteen 
dollars  per  week,  which  I  declined  with  thanks, 
explaining  that  I  had  started  out  in  life  to 
"  hus'le."  and  try  and  accomplish  something  of 


66  MORE   HUS'LING. 

my  own  accord;  and  to  go  to  work  in  a  stupid, 
quiet  business  on  a  salary,  at  that  late  day,  would 
be  a  disgrace  to  the  profession.  He  argued  that 
I  would  be  sure  of  a  comfortable  living,  anyhow. 
I  agreed  with  him,  but  declared  that  I  would 
never  be  sure  of  anything  beyond  that ;  and  I 
would  rather  live  from  hand  to  mouth  till  such 
time  as  I  could  better  my  condition  and  possibly 
make  money  rapidly. 

I  felt  that  to  settle  down  on  a  salary  in  such  a 
business  would  be  the  means  of  falling  into  a 
certain  rut,  from  which  it  would  be  hard  to  extri- 
cate myself.  And  I  have  thus  far  never  had  oc- 
casion to  regret  having  taken  that  position. 

About  this  time  I  received  a  letter  from  mj- 
mother  anxiousl}'  inquiring  what  business  I  had 
engaged  in  after  quitting  the  hotel^  and  if  we 
were  all  comfortably  fixed  for  the  winter. 

She  closed  by  saying  that  as  she  had  no  pic- 
ture of  me  since  I  was  eighteen  years  of  age  she 
wished  I  would  have  my  photograph  taken  and 
send  to  her. 

On  reading  this  letter  I  remarked  to  my  wife 
that  I  would  send  her  a  likeness  that  would  make 
her  sick.  I  replied  to  her,  agreeing  to  send  it  as 
soon  «i55  I  could  have  some  taken      I  also  an- 


MORE    HUSLING 


mi\ 


MORE    HUS'LING.  69 

swered  her  questions  as  to  my  I  isiness  engage- 
ments  and  how  we  were  situated,  by  saying  that 
I  occasionally  fell  back  on  the  furniture  polish 
and  did  considerable  canvassing  with  it,  but  my 
principal  business  was  hauling  coke,  and  had 
been  all  winter  ;  and  as  for  comfort,  we  had  never 
before  experienced  any  thing  equal  to  it. 

After  mailing  my  letter  to  her  I  wrote  to  the 
landlord  at  Adrian,  where  I  had  left  the  old  car- 
pet-bag which  had  been  my  companion  to  New 
York  as  well  as  on  my  first  polish  tour,  and 
asked  him  to  get  it  from  the  attic  of  his  hotel, 
and  forward  to  me  by  express.  T'^e  did  so  im- 
mediately. 

I  then  bonowcd  a  long  linen  di.sl  ir  about  three 
sizes  too  small  for  me  from  the  "  man  Friday"  em- 
ployed in  the  drug  store,  and  repaired  to  a 
photograph  gallery.  I  pulled  my  suspenders  up 
as  much  as  possible  in  order  to  make  my  pants 
ridiculously  short.  I  donned  the  linen  duster 
and  with  tight  squeezing  managed  to  button  it 
around  me,  and  turning  up  the  collar  pinned  it 
over  with  a  long  black  shawl-pin.  I  put  on  my 
straw  hat,  ear  muffs,  and  heavy  woolen  mittens, 
struck  as  awkward  an  attitude  as  possible  with 
my  toes  turned  in,  and  with  the  oM  carpet-bao"iia 
h^tid  was  duly  photop^rr'^"''"^ 


70  MORE   HUS'LING. 

While  tHey  were  being  printed  I  received 
another  letter  from  my  mother  congratulating  us 
on  our  splendid  success  in  making  ourselves 
comfortable  during  such  a  hard  winter,  and  said 
we  ought  to  be  thankful  that  the  Lord  had 
blessed  us  with  so  many  comforts.  But  one 
thing  in  my  letter  puzzled  them  all,  and  that 
was,  what  in  the  world  I  meant  by  saying  that 
my  principal  business  was  hauling  coke.  They 
couldn't  imagine  that  I  had  hired  out  as  a  team- 
ster, and  if  I  had,  they  couldn't  see  how  I  could 
work  for  some  one  else  and  sell  polish  too.  She 
said  when  she  read  my  letter  Mr.  Keefer  declared 
that  "that  boy  would  keep  hustling  and  die  with 
his  boots  on  before  he  would  ever  hire  out  as  a 
teamster  or  any  thing  else."  And  he  wanted  her 
to  find  out  at  once  what  on  earth  it  meant.  I 
answered  in  a  few  days,  stating  that  I  had  spent 
the  greater  portion  of  the  winter  hauling  coke  a 
distance  of  about  a  mile  in  a  wheel-barrow  for 
our  own  nse  and  that  it  took  about  a  bushel  a 
minute  to  keep  us  comfortable.  I  enclosed  my 
photograph,  saying  that  I  had  stopped  on  my 
way  home  from  canvassing  one  afternoon  and 
had  it  taken  just  as  I  appeared  on  the  street. 

T  also  explaine<^  that  at  the  last  house  where  I 


MORE    IIUS'LING.  7 1 

had  stopped  they  had  set  the  dog  on  me  and  he 
had  torn  a  piece  out  of  my  linen  nlster  and  I 
hadn't  noticed  it  till  after  the  picture  was  taken. 

I  received  an  immediate  reply  to  this  letter 
acknowledging  the  receipt  of  the  photograph  and 
making  a  few  comments. 

About  the  first  thing  she  said  was  that  her  ad- 
vice to  me  would  be  never  to  let  another  winter 
catch  me  in  Michigan,  but  to  start  South  and 
try  to  reach  a  locality  where  linen  ulsters  and 
straw  hats  were  more  adapted  to  the  climate. 

She  said  she  thought  the  mittens  and  ear 
mufflers  were  very  becoming  and  her  first  im- 
pulse was  to  send  me  a  pair  of  Mr.  Keefer's  old 
rubber  boots,  but  on  second  thought  had  made 
up  her  mind  that  the  tops  would  hardly  reach  the 
bottom  of  my  pants  and  had  concluded  that  the 
shoes  I  was  wearing  would  be  more  becoming 
and  much  easier  to  walk  in. 

She  concluded  her^remarks  by  saying  she 
didn't  see  what  objection  I  had  to  burning  wood 
or  nice  hard  coal,  instead  of  hauling  coke  so  far 
in  a  wheelbarrow ;  and  asked  how  I  liked  "  hus- 
'ling  "  by  this  time.  She  also  said  that  I  had 
carried  the  old  carpet-bag  so  long  that  it  bore  a 
strong  resemblance  to  myself;  and  advised  me  to 


72  MORK    HrS'LFNG. 

hang  to  it,  as  it  miglit  some  day  be  considered  a 
valuable  relic,  especially  if  I  should  ever  get  rich 
by  "  hus'ling,"  or  become  a  member  of  Congress. 

Although  I  felt  that  she  had  shown  herself 
equal  to  the  occasion,  by  replying  as  she  did,  my 
answer  to  this  letter  was  sufficient  to  let  her 
know  that  I  asked  no  favors,  and  had  no  inten- 
tion of  doing  so. 

As  soon  as  spring  opened  and  moving  and 
house-cleaning  became  the  order  of  the  day,  my 
business  began  to  improve,  and  I  made  money 
fast.  I  bought  myself  a  nice  suit  of  clothes,  and 
other  necessary  wearing  apparel ;  and  I  moved 
my  family  back  to  Bronson,  where  I  paid  their 
board  and  left  them  sufficient  means  to  procure 
clothing  and  pay  incidental  expenses. 

I  went  to  Toledo,  expecting  to  canvass  with  my 
polish,  and  very  soon  called  on  an  old  acquaint- 
ance who  was  telegraphing.  While  chatting  wdth 
him  a  gentleman  came  in  and  wrote  a  message 
to  be  sent  to  an  auctioneer  at  Cleveland,  asking 
him  to  come  to  Toledo  and  travel  with  him.  The 
operator  asked  me  if  I  would  like  to  send  the 
message,  for  a  little  practice.  I  told  him  I 
would,  and  stepped  inside  the  office  to  do  so.  Af- 
ter reading  it,  I  stepped  forward  and  accosted  the 


MORE    HUS'LING.  73 

stranger  with  :  "  "What  kind  of  an  auctioneer  do 
you  wish  to  employ,  sir  ?" 

He  replied  that  he  was  traveling  with  a  large 
wagon  that  cost  him  fifteen  hundred  dollars, 
drove  four  fine  horses,  employed  two  musicians,' 
was  selling  Yankee  Notions,  and  needed  a  good 
man  who  could  sell  goods  on  the  down-hill  plan, 
or  "  Dutch  Auction,"  as  some  termed  it.  I  told 
him  that  I  was  an  auctioneer,  and  would  engage 
with  him. 

He  asked  me  to  step  out  and  take  a  drink.  I 
said :  "  Thank  you,  I  don't  care  for  an3^hing  to 
drink." 

"  Well,  come  and  take  a  cigar." 

"  Thank  you.     I  never  smoke,  either." 

He  asked  if  there  was  anything  I  did  to  pass 
the  time  pleasantly.     I  said : 

"  Yes,  sir.  I  attend  to  business,  when  I  have 
any  to  attend  to." 

He  inquired  what  I  was  engaged  in  at  the  pres- 
ent time.  I  opened  njy  valise  and  showed  him, 
and  several  others  standing  by,  what  I  was  sell- 
ing, and  polished  up  an  office  desk  to  show  its 
superior  qualities.  He  asked  the  price,  and  on 
being  told,  handed  me  a  dollar  and  took  two  bot- 
♦■les,  after  which  I  sold  three  more  bottles  to  dif* 
Jprenr  g"ent1emeil  ii?  tli« 


74  MORE   HUS'LING. 

The  auction  man  looked  at  me  a  moment,  and 
then  laughingly  inquired  if  I  could  talk  as  well 
on  Yankee  Notions  as  I  could  on  polish.  Then 
he  added  that  he  couldn't  understand  how  any 
man  could  make  a  living  with  such  a  thing,  and 
foolishly  asked  if  I  ever  sold  any  of  it. 

I  answered  his  question  by  asking  if  I  had  not 
sold  him  two  bottles,  as  well  as  three  other  men 
in  his  presence ;  and  asked  if  he  was  in  the  habit 
of  buying  everything  he  saw,  whether  he  needed 
it  or  not.  He  said  he  bought  it  because  h^ 
thought  it  a  valuable  article  to  have  in  the  house, 
and  was  going  to  send  it  to  his  wife. 

He  asked  what  my  price  would  be  per  week  to 
work  for  him.  I  told  him  it  was  strictly  against 
my  principles  to  work  on  a  salary  and  would 
prefer  to  engage  on  commission  even  if  I  didn't 
make  as  much  money. 

He  explained  that  he  usually  remained  in  a 
town  from  three  days  to  a  week  and  sold  on  the 
street  during  the  evening  and  Saturda}^  afcer- 
noons.  He  oflfered  me  twenty-five  dollars  pei 
week  and  all  expenses,  or  five  per  cent,  on  all  m 
gross  sales  and  all  expenses.  I  accepted  the 
latter,  provided  he  would  not  expect  me  to  do 
anything  but  sell  goods  at  the  times  specified. 


MORE    HUS'LING,  75 

This  suited  him  and  I  started  with  him  that 
afternoon  for  the  West.  He  informed  me  that 
the  auctioneer  he  had  been  employing  drank  too 
much  liquor  and  was  in  consequence  unfit  for 
tiuty  half  the  time.  I  assured  him  that  he  would 
Experience  no  such  trouble  with  me. 

He  said  that  was  one  reason  why  he  concluded 
to  take  me,  and  confessed  that  had  I  accepted 
his  invitation  to  take  a  drink  he  would  never 
have  given  me  the  position. 

D  iring  our  first  ten  miles'  ride  I  was  racking 
my  brain  for  something  to  say  when  I  should 
jump  up  to  make  my  first  sale.  I  had  never  sold 
a  dollars'  worth  of  goods  of  any  kind  at  auction, 
and  the  only  experience  of  a  similar  nature  that  I 
had  ever  had  was  the  four  days'  sale  of  prize 
soap. 

However,  I  valued  that  four  days'  experience 
very  highly  at  tliat  juncture  as  I  felt  that  it  was 
experience,  at  any  rate,  and  would  no  doubt  help 
me  in  the  way  of  giving  me  self-confidence. 

Fr  rtunately  for  me,  the  first  town  we  stopped 
at  had  the  license  so  very  high  that  we  could  not 
a£F#rd  to  pay  it,  and  decided  to  continue  west- 
ward and  postpone  our  first  sale  till  the  next 
^:ght.     This  gave  me  an  opportunity  for  furiher 


76  MORE    IIUS'LTNG. 

I  slept  but  little  that  night,  but  spent  the 
time  in  manufacturing  a  line  of  talk  on  tlie 
different  kinds  of  goods  bandied  by  my  employer, 
and  tbe  preparation  of  a  suitaole  opening  speech. 

At  any  rate,  the  next  evening  when  we  drove 
into  Blissfield,  Michigan,  I  determined  that  it 
should  be  a  success,  although  I  dreaded  the 
opening  of  my  first  sale. 

After  supper  we  seated  our  musicians  at  the 
rear  end  of  the  wagon-box  and  started  on  our 
parade  around  town. 

Loud  singing  and  the  sweet  strains  of  music 
routed  every  body  in  town. 

I  remember  one  song  they  used  to  sing  that 
always  took  immensely.  It  was  to  the  tune  of 
"  Marching  Through  Georgia."  The  chorus 
was : 

'•Come  out,  come  out,  you  hungry  wearied  souls. 

Come  out,  come  out,  we're  here  to  do  you  good. 

We've  marched  from  East  to  West,  and  North,  and  now  we're 

going  South, 
To  supply  the  wants  of  those  way  down  in  Georgia." 

When  we  drove  back  to  a  convenient  comer 
j&nd  lighted  our  immense  torches  it  seemed  to  me 
that  the  towns-people  had  turned  out  en  masse 
md  gathered  around  us. 

After  one  or  t^tjo-  more  piece?  bv  thf"  nnisiHanr 


MORE  ursi.iNc;.  ']'; 

my  proprietor  handed  me  the  keys  and  directed 
me  to  open  up.  I  removed  the  covers  from  the 
top  of  the  goods  and  then  began  sorting  them  over 
carefully.  I  then  laid  ofif  my  coat  and  again 
went  through  the  goods. 

Next  I  threw  off  my  vest  and  sorted  over  more 
goods,  till  at  last  realizing  that  the  time  had 
come  when  something  must  be  said,  I  looked 
knowingly  over  the  vast  concourse  of  people  and 
then  removed  m}''  hat. 

A  death-like  stillness  prevailed. 

The  cold  perspiration  stood  out  on  my  forehead 
In  big  drops. 

vSomething  about  the  size  of  a  watermelon  ap- 
peared to  be  in  my  throat. 

1  feared  the  sound  of  my  own  voice.  My  knees 
weie  weak,  and  knocking  together. 

I  looked  over  my  audience  the  second  time, 
^nd  was  about  to  venture  to  say  something,  when 
I  happened  to  think  that  I  hadn't  taken  off  my 
cuffs  and  collar,  and  proceeded  to  do  so,  when 
to  my  horror  I  heard  a  young  man  in  the  audi' 
once  say,  in  a  tone  loud  enough  for  all  to  hear: 

"  You  bet  yer  life  he  is  fixing  to  give  us  the 
biggest  game  of  talk  we  ever  heard." 

It  was  then  I  realized  that  the  great  prepara- 


78  MORE   HUS'LING. 

tions  I  had  been  making,  and  the  knowing  looks 
I  had  been  giving,  had  only  confirmed  their  sup- 
position that  I  was  certainly  capable  of  doing 
credit  to  such  a  complete  and  pretentious  tum- 
iout. 

Could  I  have  lassoed  and  hung  that  fellow  to 
the  nearest  tree,  I  would  gladly  have  done  so ; 
for  it  seemed  to  almost  completely  demoralize  me 
and  unfit  me  for  the  occasion.  And  I  would  have 
given  ten  times  the  price  of  the  whole  outfit 
could  I  have  been  spirited  away  forty  miles. 

I  again  discovered  myself  perspiring  more 
freely  than  ever.  I  had  fixed  the  torches  several 
times,  had  gone  through  the  entire  stock  of  goods 
three  or  four  times,  and  had  taken  ofif  every  article 
of  clothing  that  I  dared  to,  all  with  the  vain  hope 
that  something  would  occur  to  break  the  horricf 
stillness.  Such  was  not  the  case,  however.  The 
eyes  of  every  one  were  centered  upon  me — those  of 
the  proprietor  and  musicians  as  well  as  th^ 
audience. 

When  finally  ready  to  begin  my  speech,  I  sud- 
denly discovered  that  I  couldn't  recall  a  single 
ATord  that  I  had  so  carefully  prepared  for  the  oc- 
casion. 

At  all  events  the  very  last  moment  had  arrived 


H 

> 

c: 

o 

:^ 
to 
> 

W 
> 

w 
r 


•^ 


■-'\0SM\kK\^l 


i   i^. 


;^2weMeI^ 


I 


i^ 


UNiVthc 


MORE    HUS'LING.  8  I 

when  I  had  got  to  either  open  up  and  say  some- 
thing, or  desert  the  whole  paraphernalia. 

At  last  I  broke  out  in  a  low  husky  voice  ;  and 
in  less  than  two  minutes  I  was  rattling  away  with 
an  introductory  speech,  which  my  employer  after- 
wards complimented  me  on,  and  said  that  from 
it,  alone,  my  sale  was  half  made  before  offering 
a  single  dollar's  worth  of  goods  for  sale. 

I  continued  to  use  that  same  speech  for  years, 
with  an  occasional  slight  variation,  but  was  never 
able  to  improve  on  it  very  much. 

I  then  began  my  sale,  and  very  soon  felt  per- 
fectly at  home,  and  made  a  great  hit,  much  to 
the  evident  satisfaction  of  my  eniployer,  and  en- 
tirely so  to  myself. 


g>.j=^ 


-^ifeiS^ 


82  MORE    JiUblJNG. 


CHAPTER  XXIII. 

^  SUCCESSFUL  AUCTIONEER — PLAYING  A  DOUBLE 
ROLE — ILLUSTRATING   AN   AUCTION   SALE. 

My  success  as  an  auctioneer  was  assured 
from  the  result  of  my  first  sale.  I  soon  learned 
tliat  it  required  only  hard  study  and  close  appli- 
cation to  make  it  a  profitable  business. 

I  did  not  give  up  my  furniture  polish,  but  as 
soon  as  possible  bought  an  extra  suit  of  clothes, 
a  silk  hat  and  a  wig  with  which  to  change  my 
appearance  from  a  polish-vender  to  an  auctioneer. 
I  would  peddle  from  house  to  house  during  the 
day  in  a  dark  suit  and  Derby  hat,  with  my  hair 
clipped  close  to  my  head,  while  in  the  evening  I 
would  appear  on  the  auction-wagon  attired  in  a 
flashy,  plaid  suit,  a  blonde  wig  and  silk  hat.  In 
DO  instance  was  my  identity  ever  discovered. 

We  used  to  have  a  great  deal  of  sport  at  the 
hotels,  where  I  invariably  registered  and  repre- 
sented myself  ais  a  polish  vender,  and  never  inti- 
mated that  I  was  connecte<^  with  the  auction 
Ofirtv 


MORE    IIUS'LING.  83 

As  soon  as  the  time  drew  near  to  open  the  sale 
I  would  go  to  my  room,  dress  for  the  occasion 
and  suddenly  appear  at  the  hotel  office  ready  for 
business ;  and  as  soon  as  the  wagon  was  driven  to 
the  door  ready  for  the  parade,  I  would  climb  in 
and  perform  my  part  of  the  programme. 

It  was  usually  a  query  with  hotel  clerks  and 
porters,  who  the  auctioneer  could  be  and  where  he 
slept  and  took  his  meals. 

My  reason  for  thus  disguising  myself  was  to 
satisfy  my  employer,  who  feared  that  the  polish 
business  would  in  some  degree  injure  the 
auction  sales. 

I  made  auctioneering  my  constant  study, 
jotting  down  every  saying  that  suggested  itself 
to  me,  and  giving  it  a  great  deal  of  thought  at 
odd  times.  In  the  morning,  at  noon,  and  while 
walking  from  house  to  house  I  conjured  up  all 
sorts  of  expressions. 

Consequently  I  manufactured  a  large  variety 
of  comical  descriptive  talk  on  all  lines  of  goods 
we  handled,  besides  an  endless  variety  of  funny 
sayings  and  jokes  with  which  to  hold  and  enter- 
tain my  audiences. 

By  reading  a  good  deal  and  carefully  listening 
to  every  thing  that  vas  said  in  my  presence  I 


84  MORE    HUS'LING. 

was  constantly  catching  on  to  something  ne\^ 
which  I  combined  with  something  oiiginal.  1 
very  soon  found  myself  not  only  rated  equal 
to  the  average  auctioneer,  but  almost  invariably 
on  my  daily  trips  selling  polish  I  would  be 
asked  if  I  "  had  heard  that  auctioneer  the  night 
before,"  and  then  would  follow  the  highest  com- 
mendation of  his  ability. 

This  of  course  had  a  tendency  to  elevate  me  in 
my  own  estimation,  and  was  no  doubt  a  motive 
power  to  urge  me  on  to  success.  But  under  the 
circumstances  of  not  daring  to  make  my  identity 
known,  I  was  unable  to-  share  in  the  glory  that 
my  egotism  would  naturally  crave  for. 

I  became  satisfied,  at  any  rate,  that  I  had 
"  struck  my  gait,"  and  at  once  became  wrapped  up 
soul  and  body  in  the  business, 

In  a  few  weeks  my  employer  suggested  that 
we  let  the  musicians  go,  as  he  was  convinced 
that  I  was  able  to  entertain  my  audiences  suffi- 
ciently without  them.  I  agreed  with  him  and  we 
very  soon  learned  that  our  sales  were  better  than 
with  them. 

The  music  seemed  to  divide  the  attention  of 
the  people,  besides  suggesting  more  pleasure 
than  business 


MORE    IIISLIXG.  85 

My  commission  was  increased  from  five  to 
seven  per  cent,  as  soon  as  this  fact  was  demon- 
strated. 

Before  quitting  the  business  I  was  successful 
in  acquiring  a  general  line  of  talk  on  suspenders, 
shoe-laces,  combs,  brushes,  handkerchiefs,  hose, 
pocket-knives,  razors,  pencils,  pins,  stationery, 
towels,  table-cloths,  and  in  fact  everything  be* 
longing  to  this  line  of  goods,  together  with  an 
endless  variety  of  jokes  and  sayings  used  during 
and  immediately  after  each  sale. 

My  sales  were  made  on  what  is  termed  the 
down-hill  plan,  or  Dutch  Auction,  instead  of  to 
the  highest  bidder,  as  is  common  in  selling  farm 
implements  and  stock.  I  would  first  describe  the 
quality  of  the  article  for  sale,  and  after  placing 
its  price  as  high  as  it  usually  sold  at,  would  then 
run  it  down  to  our  lowest  bottom  price,  and  as 
soon  as  a  sale  was  made,  proceed  to  duplicate  and 
sell  off  as  many  of  them  as  possible  in  a  single 
run  ;  and  then  introduce  something  else. 

To  give  the  reader  a  more  definite  knowledge 
of  the  manner  of  conducting  this  business  and 
describing  the  goods,  I  will  give  an  illustration ' 
on  one  or  two  articles,  including  a  few  sayiT".gs 
frequently   used   between   sales.      It  should  be 


g6  MORE    HUS'LING. 

borne  in  mind  that  as  soon  as  I  opened  my  sale 
I  began  talking  at  lightning  speed,  and  talked 
incessantly  from  that  moment  till  its  final  close, 
fvhich  usually  lasted  from  two  to  four  hours.  I 
have  talked  six  hours,  incessantly,  but  it  is  very 
exhausting  and  wearing,  and  could  not  be  kept 
up. 

To  hold  the  people  and  keep  them  buying,  it 
^as  necessary  to  entertain  them  with  a  variety  of 
:alk.  Whenever  a  sale  was  made,  I  would  cry 
out  at  the  top  of  my  voice : 

"  Sold  again ;"  and  would  not  lose  a  chance  then 
to  add  some  joke  or  saying  that  would  be  likely 
' ')  amuse  the  crowd,  before  offering  another  lot. 

I  will  now  illustrate  a  sale  on  "  Soap :" 

"  My  friends,  the  next  article  I  will  offer  foi 
irour  inspection  is  the  homa  jona,  radical,  trag- 
cal,  incomprehensible  compound  extract  of  the 
louble-distilled  rute-te4ute  toilet  soap. 

"  T-a-l-k  about  your  astronomical  calculation 
and  scientific  investigation,  but  the  man  who  in- 
vented this  soap,  studied  for  one  hundred  years. 
As  he  d-o-v-e  into  the  deep,  d-a-r-k  mysteries  zi 
chemical  analysis,  he  solved  the  problem  that  n-a 
man  bom  could  be  an  honest  Christian  without 
t^e  use  of  soap. 

"  Take  a  smell  of  it,  gentlemen,  eat  a  cake  of 
it,  and  if  you  don't  like  it,  spit  it  out.  I'll  guar- 
antee it  to  remove  tar,  pitch,  paint,  oil  or  varnish 
from  your  clothfrr  '  ^  fiiU^jexTiov    stains  from 


MORE    i-IUS'LlNG.  87 

your  conscience,  pimples  from  your  face,  dandruff 
from  your  head,  and  whiskey  from  your  stomach  ; 
it  will  enamel  your  teeth,  strengthen  your  nerves, 
purif}'-  your  blood,  curl  your  hair,  relax  your 
muscles  and  put  a  smile  on  your  face  an  inch 
and-a-half  thick  ;  time  will  never  wear  it  away  ; 
it's  a  sure  cure  for  bald  heads,  scald  heads,  bloody 
nc/Ses,  chapped  hands,  or  dirty  feet.  *       *       * 

"  Now,  gentlemen,  I  have  here  an  extra  fine 
to!let  soap  that  you  can't  buy  in  your  city  for  less 
than  ten  cents  a  cake.  But  I'm  here  my  friends, 
to  give  you  bargains."  (Then  counting  them  out, 
one  cake  at  a  time): 

"  I'll  give  you  one  cake  for  ten,  two  for 
twenty,  three  of  'em  for  thirty,  four  for  forty,  five 
for  fifty  and  six  for  sixty  cents.  Yes,  you  lucky 
cusses,  I'll  see  if  there's  a  God  in  Israel.  Here, 
I'll  wrap  them  up  for  fifty-five — fifty — forty-five 
— forty — thirty-five,  thirty.  There  !  I  hope  never 
to  see  my  AJary  Ann  or  the  back  of  my  neck  if  a 
quarter  of  a  dollar  don't  buy  the  whole  lot.  Re- 
member, twenty-five  cents  ;  two  dimes  and-a-half 
will  neither  make  nor  break  you,  buy  you  a  farm, 
set  you  up  in  business  or  take  you  out  of  the 
poor-house. 

"Is  there  a  gentleman  in  the  crowd  now  who 
will  take  this  lot  for  twenty-five  cents  ?  " 

(When  some  one  cries  out,   "  I'll  take  'em,) — 

"  Take  'em,  I  should  think  you  would  take  'em. 
I  took  'em,  too;  but  I  took  'em  when  the  man 
was  asleep,  or  I  never  could  sell  'em  for  the 
money.  Will  it  make  any  difference  to  you,  sir, 
if  I  give  you  six  more  cakes  in  the  bargain  ? — 
(throwing  in  six  more.)  All  right,  my  friends. 
'    '^Yon  can't   gi^'e  ir    vain    to   a   gooa   cause 


88  MOKK    HUS'LING. 

Remeraber,  *  God  loveth  a  cheerful  giver.'  Now 
gentlemen,  who'll  have  the  next,  last,  and  onl^ 
remaining  lot  for  the  money  ?  Here's  one,  an- 
other makes  two,  one  more  are  three,  another 
makes  four,  one  more  are  five  and  one  are  six, 
and  six  more  added  make  another  dozen,  the 
only  remaining  lot  for  the  money.  And  sold  again. 

"  Not  sold,  but  morally  and  Christianly  given 
away ;  where  Christians  dwell  blessings  freely 
How ;  I'm  here  to  dispense  blessings  with  a  free 
and  liberal  hand.  Ah,  you  lucky  sinners,  I  have 
just  one  more  lot — the  last  and  only  remaining 
one.  Who'll  have  it  ?  And  sold  again.  The 
fountains  of  joy  still  come  rushing  along,  the 
deeper  we  go  the  sweeter  we  get  and  the  next 
song  will  be  a  dance.  Well,  dog  my  riggin',  if 
here  aint  another  dozen  cakes.  And  who'll  take 
them  along  for  the  same  money  ?  Sold  again  1 
Not  sold,  but  given  away.  He  xhat  giveth  to  the 
poor  lendeth  to  the  Lord  and  when  he  dies  he'll 
go  to  Georgetown  by  the  short-line. 

**  Well,  there,  gentlemen,  I've  soaped  you  to 
death.  The  next  article  I'll  call  your  attention 
to  is  a  fine  Eagle  rubber-tipped  pencil  with  the 
lead  running  all  the  way  through  it  and  half 
way  back  again,  and  a  pencil  you  can't  buy  in 
the  regular  way  for  less  than  ten  cents.  Now, 
gentlemen,  after  sharpening  this  pencil  to  a  fine 
point,  I  propose  to  give  you  a  specimen  of  my 
penmanship.  I  presume  I'm  the  finest  penman 
who  ever  visited  your  city. 

"  And  I  will  wager  one  hundred  dollars  to  fifty 
that  I  can  beat  any  man  in  your  town  writing 
two  different  and  distinct  hands."  (Then  hold 
up  a  piece  of  paper  or  paste-board  and  or  nn'ence 
vriting  '^n  it 


MORE    HUS'LING.  89 

"  You  will  notice,  my  friends,  that  I  write  one 
hand  that  no  man  in  the  world  can  read  but  my- 
self, and  another  hand  that  myself  nor  any  other 
man  can  read.  Now,  gentlemen,  I'm  going  to 
ipupply  the  wants  of  yourself  and  family,  and  all 
your  relatives."  (Then  picking  them  up  one  at 
fi  time,  and  exposing  them  to  view) : 

"  Here  is  one  for  dad  and  one  for  mam, 
Two  for  the  cook  and  the  hired  man, 
One  for  your  daughter  and  one  for  your  son. 
As  true  as  I  tell  you,  I  have  only  begun. 
For  there  is  one  for  your  wife  and  one  for  yourself; 
I'll  give  you  another  to  lay  on  the  shelf. 
Here's  one  for  your  sister  and  one  for  your  brother. 
For  fear  they'll  need  three  I'll  throw  in  another. 
Here  is  one  for  your  uncle  and  one  for  your  aunt. 
I  would  give  them  another,  but  I  know  that  I  can't. 
For  there's  just  two  left  for  grandfather  and  grandmother. 
If  you'll  take  them  along  and  make  me  no  bother, 
You  may  have  the  whole  lot  for  a  quarter  of  a  dollar. 

"And  who'll  have  the  entire  lot  for  the 
money  ? 

"And  sold  right  here.  This  gentleman  takes 
them.  I  should  think  he  would  take  'em.  Any 
man  that  Avouldn't  take  'em,  wouldn't  take 
sugar  at  a  cent  a  pound.  He'd  want  to  taste  off 
the  top,  taste  from  the  bottom  and  eat  out  the 
middle  and  then  he'd  swear  it  wasn't  sugar.  And 
who'll  have  the  next,  last,  and  only  remaining 
lot  for  the  money  ?  And  sold  again.  Luck  is  a 
fortune  gentlemen.  The  man  that  is  here  to- 
night is  bound  to  be  a  winner.  And  who'll  have 
the  next  lot  for  the  money?" 


go 


MORE   HUS'LING. 


The  foregoing  will  give  tlie  reader  a  sliglit  idea 
of  tlie  variety  of  talk  tliat  it  was  necessary  for  me 
to  keep  conjuring  up  and  manufacturing  in  order 
to  entertain  my  buyers,  and  to  continually 
spring^  something  new  on  them. 


MORE   PIUS'LING.  9 1 


CHAPTER  XXIV. 

MV  EMPLOYER  CALLED  HOME — I  CONTINUE  TO 
HUS'LE — ^AN  AUCTIONEERING  CO-PARTNg-R- 
SHIP — STILL  IN  A  DOUBLE  ROLE—A  NEAT, 
TIDY,  QUIET  BOARDING  HOUSE — WE  MOVE 
TO  A  HOTEL — A  PRACTICAL  JOKE  —  AUC- 
TIONEERING FOR  MERCHANTS — MAKING  A 
POLITICAL  SPEECH — GETTING  MIXED. 

I  remained  with  my  late  employer  several 
weeks,  having  almost  uninterrupted  success, 
when  he  was  notified  of  his  wife's  serious  illness 
and  was  obliged  to  leave  his  horses  and  wagon 
with  a  liveryman  and  return  at  once  to  his  home 
in  Ohio. 

I  continued  selling  furniture  polish  as  though 
nothing  had  happened,  but  never  ceased  making 
auctioneering  a  continual  study. 

Shortly  after  this  I  received  a  le'ic  rom  an 
old  acquaintance  who  had  recently  married  a 
widow  about  forty  years  older  thaii  /j.imcelf,  ex- 
pressing a  desire  to  go  into  the  auction  business 
«nth  mc. 


92  MORE    HUS'LING. 

He  said  lie  was  well  fixed  now  (or  at  least  his 
wife  was)  and  if  I  would  do  the  auctioneering  he 
would  furnish  the  capital  and  we  would  travel 
together  and  divide  the  profits. 

I  telegraphed  him  to  have  his  money  ready,  as 
1  was  coming. 

On  my  arrival  Johnny  showed  me  a  large  roll 
of  bills  and  said  "there  was  plenty  more  where 
that  come  from." 

We  ordered  a  nice  stock  of  goods  ana  started 
at  once  taking  in  the  Western  and  Southwestern 
States. 

Johnny  was  exceedingly  gay  and  chipper  from 
the  start  and  seemed  possessed  with  the  idea  that 
he  had  found  a  gold  mine. 

He  led  about  the  same  life  I  did  the  winter  I 
was  selling  government  goods — only  a  little  more 
so,  and  I  frequently  reminded  him  of  the  results 
of  my  experience  and  tried  hard  to  convince  him 
that  his  would  result  the  same,  but  without 
success. 

He  was  a  jolly,  good  natured  fellow,  a  true 
friend,  kind  and  generous  to  a  fault,  which  with 
his  expensive  habits  made  serious  inroads  on  his 
capital  and  it  diminished  rapidly. 

I  saw  how  things  were  shaping,  and  lost  no 


MORE    H  US 'LING.  9^^ 

time  in  making  a  new  contract  with  him,  ^A^hich 
gave  me  a  certain  commission,  and  required  him 
to  defray  all  hotel  bills. 

I  kept  up  the  sale  of  polish  as  usual,  during 
the  time  when  we  were  not  selling  at  auction, 
and  by  so  doing  was  steadily  gaining  ground. 

I  suggested  to  Johnny  when  we  first  started 
out  that  he  also  sell  polish. 

He  laughed  at  the  idea  and  said  he  "  didn't 
have  to." 

After  we  had  been  out  a  few  weeks  I  asked 
him  one  day  if  he  didn't  think  we  had  bettei  in- 
voice. He  thought  we  had,  and  we  did  so.  He 
seemed  less  gay  after  this  and  showed  frequent 
signs  of  having  the  blues. 

We  could  show  good  sales,  but  he  couldn't 
show  where  the  money  had  gone,  although  he 
had  had  the  exclusive  handling  of  it  himself 

He  began  to  show  an  inclination  to  make  im- 
provements, but  still  clung  to  a  few  expensive 
notions,  so  much  so  that  his  expenses  far  ex^ 
ceeded  his  profits. 

In  a  few  weeks  I  suggested  another  inventory, 
to  which  he  submitted,  and  was  fairly  paralyzed 
at  the  result. 

We  then  decided  to  go  to  Kansas  City,  M\^ 

77 


94  MORE    HUS'LINO. 

souri.     On   our    way   there  Johnny   asked   '.^ 
what  I  thought  of  going  to   some  nice,   quiet 
boarding-house  instead  of  paying  the  usual  high 
rates  at  hotels. 

I  agreed,  and  again  suggested  that  he  go  to 
selling  polish,  which  he  was  almost  tempted  to 
do,  but  finally  said  he  guessed  he  wouldn't  yet  a 
while. 

When  we  got  to  Kansas  City  I  said : 

"  Now  Johnny,  I  will  stay  at  the  depot  while 
you  'hustle'  up  town  and  find  a  boP"»-ding 
house." 

He  started  on  the  hunt  immediately. 

In  about  two  hours  he  came  rushing  back  -with 
a  broad  grin  on  his  countenance,  and  inforir  ed 
me  that  he  had  found  one  of  the  nicest  placet;  in 
town,  where  every  thing  was  neat  and  clean,  aid 
nice  and  tidy,  the  old  lady  was  a  good  conversa- 
tionalist, she  had  a  nice  family  of  well-bred 
children,  and  it  was  so  home-like,  and  at  a  cost 
of  only  two  dollars  and  a  half  each. 

"  But  Johnny,  two  dollars  and  a  half  a  day) 
a-piece  at  a  boarding-house  is  too  much." 

"  Good  Johnston,  I  don't  mean  hy  the 

day.     1  mean  by  the  week. 

At  this   he  grabbed  a  piece  of  baggag'e  and 
Sounded  aw.iv,  I  follov^"--  r^osel'''. 


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URBMNa 


MORE    HVS'F.lXr..  97 

On  our  arrival  at  the  boarding-liouse  we  found 
the  landlady  to  be  a  widow  with  seven  children 
The  house  was  furnished  with  the  very  common- 
est of  furniture,  no  carpets  on  any  of  the  floors, 
no  paper  on  the  walls,  and  the  plastering  off  in 
many  places. 

We  were  both  very  hearty  eaters,  and  were  in 
the  habit  of  taking  our  heartiest  meal  at  six 
o'clock  in  the  evening. 

When  supper  was  called  we  went  in  to  the 
dining-room,  took  seats  and  waited  to  be  served. 

In  about  two  minutes  the  children  began  flock- 
ing in.  The  majority  of  them  took  their  position 
along  one  side  of  the  room  and  stared  at  us  with 
half-starved  looks,  while 4:he  others  were  climbing 
over  the  backs  of  our  chairs,  and  turning  sum- 
mersaults under  the  table  and  in  the  middle  o,^ 
the  floor. 

Directly  the  old  lady  came  in  with  a  cup  of  tea 
for  each  of  us,  and  then  brought  in  a  molasses 
:ake,  with  a  couple  of  slices  of  bread  and  a  small 
piece  of  butter. 

Johnny  glanced  at  me  as  if  expecting  a  grand 
^'  kick  ;"  but,  although  I  had  no  fondness  for  mo- 
iasses  cake,  I  took  hold  and  ate  with  as  much 
relish  as  if  it  had  been  roast  turkey.     I  kept  up 


98  MORE    HUS'LING. 

a  pleasant  conversation  with  the  old  lady,  and 
never  failed  to  laugh  heartily  v/henever  one  of 
the  older  boys  happened  to  kick  a  cat  up  the 
chimney  or  break  a  lamp  or  two. 

When  bed-time  came,  the  old  lady  snowed  us 
to  the  spare-room,  which  contained  nothing  but  a 
small  stand  and  an  old-fashioned  bedstead  with  a 
straw  tick  resting  on  ropes  instead  of  slats.  The 
straw  was  nearlj^  all  on  one  side,  which  discov- 
ery I  happened  to  make  before  retiring,  and  forth- 
with took  advantage  of  it  by  hurrying  to  bed  first, 
and  occupying  that  side. 

Although  I  had  always  before  insisted  on  sleep- 
ing alone,  I  didn't  in  this  instance  raise  any  ob- 
jection, but  on  tlie  contrary,  appeared  as  happy 
as  could  be. 

As  soon  as  Jonnny  struck  the  bed  he  sgan  to 
roll  and  tumble,  and  in  a  very  short  time  suc- 
ceeded in  breaking  the  rope  on  his  side,  making 
it  very  uncomfortable  for  both  of  us.  We  kept 
sinking  gradually,  till  at  last  our  oodies  were 
resting  on  the  floor,  with  our  feet  and  heads  con- 
siderably elevated. 

I  felt  the  consciousness  of  getting  the  best  ot 
it.  as  the  straw  still  remained  on  my  side ;  and 
n  j-de  up  my  minJ  )  find  no  fault,  but  wait  and 
see  wha.  Joh- •  y  say. 


MORE    HUS'LING. 


Q9 


Hardly  a  word  had  passed  between  us  since 
supper.  Finally,  discovering  that  I  was  awake, 
he  asked  me  if  I  was  comfortable.  I  assured 
ifiim  that  I  was  resting  splendidly. 

He  then  asked,  in  a  low  tone,  how  I  liked  the 
jsupper,  and  what  I  thought  of  the  boarding 
house. 

I  replied  that  I  thought  the  supper  was  fine, 
and  that  everything  was  neat  and  clean  and  nice 
and  tidy,  the  old  lady  a  splendid  cook,  a  good 
conversationalist,  and  had  a  nice  family  of  well- 
bred  children ;  and  as  for  myself,  /  liked  it^  it 
was  so  home-like.  Johnny  made  no  reply,  but  as 
I  could  see,  was  doing  considerable  thinking. 

For  breakfast  we  had  hominy  and  cojQfee.  If 
there  was  ever  one  thing  I  detested  more  than 
another,  it  was  hominy.  But  I  partook  of  it 
heartily,  and  conversed  as  pleasantly  as  possible 
with  Johnny  and  the  old  lady. 

For  dinner  we  had  a  small  piece  of  tainted 
beef-steak  with  some  warmed  over  sour  potatoes 
and  warm  biscuit  and  butter. 

I  praised  the  dinner  and  especially  the  bis- 
cuit. The  children  never  failed  to  occupy  their 
customary  places  nor  to  perform  their  usua? 
evolutions. 


fOO  MORE    HUS'LING. 

For  supper  tlie  cup  of  tea  and  molasses  cake 
were  again  brought  out. 

The  third  day  Johnny  once  more  asked  me 
how  I  liked  the  boarding-house.     I  said : 

"  Well,  Johnny,  I  think  it  is  nice.  Every 
thing  is  neat  and  clean  and  nice  and  tidy.  The 
old  lady  is  a  splendid  cook,  a  good  conversation- 
alist and  has  a  nice  family  of  well-bred  children, 
and  as  for  myself  /  like  it^  tfs  so  hojne-likey 

We  made  several  successful  auction  sales,  and 
I  kept  canvassing  with  the  polish. 

Johnny  found  considerable  difficulty  in  pass- 
ing the  time  pleasantly  at  the  boarding-house. 
Having  previously  stopped  at  first-class  hotek, 
the  contrast  was  far  from  agreeable,  and  I  could 
see  he  was  getting  restive  and  dissatisfied. 

I  had  determined  to  use  every  effort  in  trj'ing 
to  keep  him  there  as  long  as  possible.  My  ex- 
perience had  taught  me  that  a  cheap  boarding- 
house  was  no  place  to  stop  at,  and  I  thought  the 
sooner  he  learned  the  lesson  the  better  it  would 
be  for  him. 

On  the  fifth  day,  when  he  asked  how  I  liked  it 
by  that  time,  I  again  repeated : 

"  Why,  Johnny,  I  think  it's  nice.  Everything 
is  neat  and  clean  and  nice  and  tidy,  the  old  lady 


MORE    HUS'LING.  lOT 

Is  a  splendid  cook  and  a  good  conversationalist, 
and  nas  a  nice  family  of  well-bred  children ;  and 
as  for  myself,  /  like  it^  it^s  so  home- like, ^'' 

I  noticed  he  eyed  me  very  closely  this  time, 
but  as  I  managed  to  get  through  without  a  smile, 
and  appeared  thoroughly  in  earnest,  he  seemed 
tc  consider  it  best  not  to  express  his  opinion ; 
and  as  I  asked  no  questions  he  said  nothing,  but 
looked  pale  and  haggard,  and  appeared  nervous 
and  anxious. 

Matters  went  on  as  usual,  with  no  improve- 
ment at  the  boarding-house,  except  on  Sunday 
for  dinner  we  had  flour  gravy,  which  I  was  very 
fond  of,  and  complimented  the  old  lady  on  her 
way  of  making  it. 

Johnny  had  nothing  to  say ;  and  as  he  cared 
nothing  for  gravy,  ate  but  little,  and  looked  silly. 

As  we  passed  into  the  sitting-room  together  I 
remarked : 

"  That's  the  kind  of  a  dinner  I  like ;  ifs  so  home- 
like:' 

He  eyed  me  closely,  said  nothing,  but  looked 
bewildered. 

On  the  seventh  day  at  noon,  as  I  was  coming 
in  from  canvassing,  T  met  him  down  town.  He 
looked  haggard  and  hungry      When  1  rame  up 


I02  MORE   HUS'LING. 

and  said  "it's  about  dinner-time,  isn't  it?"  he 
answered  :  "  Great  Caesar  !  it's  about  time  to  eat, 
anybo-w,  and  I  have  got  to  have  a  square  meal 
once  more." 

"  Well,  come  with  me,  Johnny,  I'll  take  you  to 
a  nice  place." 

He  followed,  and  as  we  passed  into  the  restau- 
rant the  cashier  said : 

"  How  are  you  to-day  Mr.  Johnston  ?" 

We  took  a  seat  at  one  of  the  tables,  when  Johnny 
began  watching  me  closely.  Directly  one  of  the 
waiters  came  to  us  and  said : 

*'  Mr.  Johnston,  we  have  your  favorite  dish,  to- 
day, and  it's  very  fine." 

"  Very  well,  then  bring  me  a  New  England 
dinner." 

At  this  Johnny's  eyes  fairly  glistened,  and  he 
iumed  ghastly  pale.  Then  jumping  to  his  feet 
and  pounding  the  table  with  his  fist,  he  cried 
out: 

"Johnston,   you're   a  fraud!   and  have 

nearly  succeeded  in  starving  me  to  death,  and 
me  if  I " 

"  But,  sit  down — sit  down ;  let  me  explain — ^let 
me  explain." 

He  resumed  his  seat,  when  I  began  with : 


MORE    HUS'LING.  103 

'*  Yon  see,  Johnny,  I  thouglit  you  were  partial 
'O  boarding-houses,  and  as  everything  was  neat 
and  clean  and  nice  and  tid " 

"  Oh,  tidy  be !     Cuss  your  nice  old  lady, 

and  her  good  conversation,  and  all  the well- 
bred  kids.  I'll  be  cussed  if  you'll  ever  come  any 
such  smart  tricks  on  me  again.  The  best  will  be 
none  too  good  for  me,  hereafter.  I  thought  all 
the  while  that  you  were  feeling  mighty  gay  for 
a  man  living  on  wind  and  water,  and  sleeping  on 
a  bunch  of  straw.  And  I  suppose,  if  the  truth 
were  known,  you  slipped  oflf  up  to  some  hotel 
every  night  after  I  got  to  sleep,  and  staid  till  five 
o'clock  in  the  morning,  and  then  returned  in  time 

to  make  a  ■  fool  of  me.     But  look  out  for 

breakers  hereafter.  No  more  clean,  nice,  tidy 
boarding-houses  for  me,  no  matter  how  home-like 
it  is,  nor  how  good  a  talker  the  old  woman  is.  I 
am  through — through  forever,  even  though  al^ 
the  well-bred  children  in  Missouri  starve  for  the 
want  of  income  from  boarders,  I  am  going  to 
move  to-day." 

We  then  moved  to  i  respectable  hotel,  where 
both  were  delighted  with  the  wonderful  change. 

After    leaving    Kansas     City    we    remained 
together  for  some  time,  but  Johnny  made  no  im 


I04  MORE   HUS'LING. 

provement  in  his  manner  of  living  till  finally 
his  money  was  gone  and  his  stock  was  reduced 
to  a  mere  handful  of  goods.  At  last  one  Satur- 
day afternoon  we  went  out  to  make  a  sale  and  I 
cleaned  out  the  last  dollars'  worth  and  then  sold 
the  trunks  and  declared  the  business  defunct. 

Johnny  protested,  but  I  argued  with  him  that 
the  sooner  he  sold  out  entirely  and  spent  the 
money  the  sooner  he  could  call  on  his  wife  for  more. 

He  said  that  was  so,  and  he  guessed  he  would 
telegraph  her  to  sell  another  house  and  lot  and 
send  him  the  proceeds  immediately,  with  which 
he  would  purchase  more  goods. 

I  laughed  at  the  idea  and  little  thought  he 
would  do  so  till  about  two  weeks  later  he  opened 
a  letter  one  day  containing  a  draft  for  several 
hundred  dollars,  and  said : 

"Johnston  there  is  nothing  like  striking  it 
rich;"  and  then  queried  in  an  under  tone:  "If  a 
man  has  nothing  and  his  wife  has  plenty  who 
does  the  property  belong  to?" 

He  liked  the  auction  business  and  immedi- 
•itely  ordered  more  goods  and  also  began  show- 
ing more  extravagance  than  ever  in  buying 
clothing  and  a  disposition  to  go  out  with  "the 
boys  "  at  every  town  we  visited. 


MORE    IIUS'LING.  I05 

I  kept  "  hus'ling "  with  my  polish  and  let 
Johnny  pay  my  hotel  bills  and  the  commission 
due  me  on  auction  sales. 

I  soon  saw  that  all  arguments  were  lost  on 
him  so  long  as  his  wife  owned  another  house 
and  lot,  so  concluded  to  stay  with  him  as  long  as 
there  was  anything  in  it. 

He  was  not  long,  however,  in  again  bringing 
the  business  to  a  focus.  It  happened  in  this 
way:  One  afternoon  while  I  was  out  selling 
polish  he  engaged  in  a  quiet  game  of  cards 
"with  just  enough  at  stake  to  make  it  interest- 
ing," and  when  the  game  ended  he  had  not  only 
lost  all  his  ready  cash,  but  had  borrowed  about 
twice  as  much  on  the  goods  as  they  were  worth, 
and  had  also  lost  that. 

He  then  asked  me  to  loan  him  some  money 
which  I  refused  to  do,  but  assared  him  that  I 
would  not  see  him  want  for  the  necessaries  of  life  as 
long  as  he  was  with  me. 

I  now  thought  it  a  good  time  to  urge  him  to 
try  to  sell  polish,  and  lost  no  time  in  doing  so. 
When  pressed  he  declared  he  wouldn't  be  caught 
going  to  a  house  with  a  valise  in  his  hand  for 
fifty  dollars  a  day. 

But  he  wSaid  he  had  often  wished  he  could  be 


lo6  MORE   HUS'LING. 

sitting  in  some  one's  house  some  time  when  I 
entered  and  see  how  I  managed. 

I  then  proposed  that  he  should  make  some 
plausible  excuse  for  visiting  a  certain  house 
that  we  should  agree  upon,  and  I  would  call 
while  he  was  there. 

The  next  day  was  Sunday,  and  when  we  were 
out  walking  he  located  a  house,  and  we  fixed  the 
next  day  as  the  time. 

I  asked  him  what  excuse  he  would  make  fo! 
calling. 

He  said  he  would  make  believe  he  wanted  to 
buy  their  house  and  lot,  and  the  lots  adjoining 
them,  and  that  his  intentions  were  to  build  a 
stave  and  barrel  factory.  He  had  been  foreman 
in  such  a  factory,  and  could  talk  it  right  to  the 
point. 

The  next  day,  after  dinner,  I  asked  him  if  he 
was  going  t*^  make  that  call  and  hear  me  sell 
polish. 

He  said  yes,  he  was  ready  to  start  then. 

He  started,  and  I  followed  closely  after  hijui 
and  in  a  very  few  minutes  after  he  was  admitted 
I  rang  the  bell  and  was  also  admitted  by  the 
servant,  and  ushered  into  the  parlor  where 
Johnny  was  sitting  alone.  The  girl  informe<^ 
me  that  her  ft^^stress  w^^ftr^  '■  -  ^own  very  soon 


MORE    HUS'LING.  J07 

\  asked  Johnny,  in  a  low  tone,  if  he  had  met 
tb:;  lady  of  the  house  yet.  He  said  he  had  not, 
but  she  had  sent  word  that  she  would  see  him  in 
a  few  moments. 

I  stepped  across  the  room  near  him  and  began 
looking  at  some  pictures,  then  carelessly  set  my 
valise  down  by  his  chair,  and  after  looking  at  a 
few  more  pictures,  returned  to  my  own  chair, 
near  the  hall  door,  and  awaited  the  lady's  com- 
ing. 

She  soon  entered  the  parlor,  her  two  grown 
daughters  accompanying  her.  As  they  glanced 
from  one  of  us  to  the  other,  I  arose  and  said : 

'  Madam,  I  am  informed  that  you  have  offered 
your  property  here  for  sale.  I  am  desirous  of 
purchasing  a  property  of  this  description,  as  I 
want  a  house  with  several  vacant  lots  adjoining 
on  which  to  build  a  stave  and  barrel  factory." 

She  said  they  had  often  spoken  about  selling 
out  if  they  had  a  good  chance ;  but  didn't  know 
that  their  neighbors,  or  any  one  else,  had  ever 
been  informed  of  it.  I  then  asked  her  if  she 
would  show  me  the  house.  She  said  she  would, 
and  as  we  were  about  to  leave  the  room  I  turned 
to  her  and  said : 

"Madam  perhaps  this  gentleman  would  like 


I08  '         MORE    HUS'LING. 

youi'  attention  before  we  leave  the  room.  I  see 
he  has  something  for  sale  in  his  valise." 

She  turned  to  him  and  said : 

"Whatisitsir?r 

Johnny  sat  there  deathly  pale,  his  eyes  fairly 
f)opping  out  of  his  head  and  his  whole  body 
shaking  like  a  poplar  leaf  He  first  glanced  at 
the  valise,  then  at  the  lady,  and  after  giving  me 
a  wistful,  weary,  woe-begone  look,  carefully 
picked  up  the  valise  and  rising  from  his  chair 
faltered  out : 

"  Madam,  you  don't  want  to  buy  any  varnish, 
do  you  ?" 

"  No  sir,  indeed  I  do  not  and " 

"  Well  that  is  what  I  thought.  I'll  bid  you 
good  day,  ladies,"  and  he  bowed  himself  out. 

After  being  shown  through  the  house  and  an- 
swering innumerable  questions  about  stave  and 
barrel-making,  and  where  I  had  formerly  been  in 
business,  I  left  for  the  hotel  where  I  found 
Johnny  patiently  waiting  my  return. 

As  I  entered  the  hotel  office  he  met  me  near 
the  door  and  said : 

"Johnston  I'd  rather  have  been  caught  stealing 
chickens  than  in  that  horrible  predicament;  don't 
you  ever  do  it  again," 


MORE    HUS'LING.  IO9 

I  assured  him  I  had  no  idea  of  ever  being  able 
to  do  it  again,  or  to  perpetrate  a  similar  joke  on 
him,  even  though  I  were  ever  so  anxious  to  do 
so. 

After  it  was  all  over  he  seemed  to  appreciate 
fthe  joke,  but  made  me  all  sorts  of  offers  if  I 
would  not  tell  it  to  his  wife  when  we  got  home. 

I  asked  for  the  valise  and  he  said  he  had  paid 
a  small  boy  to  bring  it  to  the  hotel,  and  he  sup- 
posed it  was  at  the  office,  for  he  wouldn't  carry 
it  through  town  under  any  circumstances,  and  if 
those  people  where  he  called  would  deed  him 
their  house  and  lot  he  wouldn't  again  go  through 
what  he  did  during  those  few  awful  seconds. 
He  said  that  when  I  began  talking  about  the 
house  and  lot  he  thought  at  first  I  had  either  got 
things  badly  mixed  up  or  had  gone  crazy ;  and 
then  when  he  suddenly  thought  of  himself  and 
the  predicament  it  had  left  him  in,  he  thought 
he  would  go  crazy.  The  very  first  thing  he 
thought  of  was  that  I  had  up  and  told  the  same 
identical  story  that  he  was  to  tell,  and  that  he 
was  actually  left  without  a  sign  of  an  excuse  for 
calling  on  those  people.  It  never  occurred  to 
him  that  he  could  possibly  introduce  himself  as 
a  polish  vender  although  he  fully  realized  that 

'IS 


I  lO  MORE    HUS'LING. 

the  valise  had  been  saddled  on  to  him;  and  he 
was  sitting  there  in  a  dazed  condition  wondering 
how  he  should  get  out  of  such  a  scrape  when  J 
called  the  lady's  attention  to  him.  And  only  for 
the  fact  that  I  mentioned  him  as  a  man  with 
something  for  sale  he  possibly  never  would  have 
came  to  his  senses  again,  and  would  no  doubt 
have  been  arrested  or  kicked  out  of  the  house. 

I  asked  him  why  he  didn't  ask  the  lady  if  she 
didn't  wish  to  buy  instead  of  saying,  "Madam, 
you  don't  want  to  buy  do  you  ?" 

"  Great  Heavens,  I  was  afraid  as  it  was  that 
she  would  say  that  she  wanted  to  buy  and  if  she 
had  I  would  have  fainted  dead  away." 

This  satisfied  me  that  Johnny  would  never 
make  a  polish  vender  and  I  advised  him  to  return 
home,  which  he  did. 

I  then  went  to  Clyde,  Ohio,  where  my  family 
were  keeping  house.  I  had  sent  them  there  from 
Bronson,  Michigan  a  few  weeks  before.  It  had 
taken  the  greater  portion  of  the  money  I  had 
been  making  to  get  them  comfortably  settled  at 
house-keeping  and  to  buy  necessary  clothing  fot 
them.  I  had  now  begun  to  hand  over  a  few  dol- 
lars to  Mr.  Keefer  occasionally  to  help  him  out 
at  times  when  he  was  badly  in  need  of  money. 


MORE    HUS'LING.  I  i  I 

1  lost  no  time  in  getting  out  canvassing  again 
and  had  set  my  mind  on  some  day  having  a  nice 
stock  of  auction  goods. 

It  occurred  to  me  about  this  time  that  I  might 
possibly  prevail  upon  merchants  doing  business 
in  country  towns  to  advertise  and  make  an 
auction  sale  and  clean  out  their  old  hard  stock. 
I  suggested  the  idea  to  one  of  the  leading  mer- 
chants of  a  town  where  I  was  canvassing.  He 
readily  fell  in  with  it,  and  after  I  convinced  him 
of  my  "ability  to  sell  the  goods,  he  advertised  a 
sale  which  brought  large  crowds  of  people  from 
all  directions,  and  our  success  was  more  than 
gratifying. 

He  acknowledged  that  we  had  converted  hun- 
dreds of  dollars'  worth  of  goods  into  money  that 
had  been  in  his  store  for  years  and  probably 
would  have  remained  there  for  years  to  co^e. 

With  a  strong  letter  of  recommendation  from 
this  merchant,  I  found  no  trouble  in  persuading 
the  leading  merchant  in  each  and  every  town  I 
visited  to  make  an  auction  sale.  I  was  to  receive 
a  regular  commission  on  all  sales  made,  and  to 
sell  only  during  the  evenings  and  Saturday  after- 
noons. This  afforded  me  a  very  nice  income,  but 
I  still  clung  to  my  polisl),  and  kept  hus'linp 
when  I  vvH:.Trt  sellin?*' 


t 


1  12  MORE    HUS'LING. 

It  is  not  generally  known  by  auctioneers  that 
this  plan  of  operating  is  a  practical  one.  Never- 
theless it  is,  and  there  is  not  only  a  wide  field  for 
[them,  but  it  is  a  fact  that  the  average  merchant 
an  well  afford  to  and  wi7l  give  a  good  live  auc- 
tioneer a  large  percentage  for  clearing  out  his 
odds  and  ends,  as  often  as  once  a~  year,  and  this 
can  be  continued  from  place  to  place  the  year 
■^ound. 

Many  a  young  man,  who  has  the  ability  and 
might  easily  learn  the  profession  and  adapt  him- 
self to  it,  could  as  easily  establish  himself  in  a 
well-paying  business  in  that  way  as  to  plod  along 
in  the  same  old  rut  year  in  and  year  out,  without 
any  future  prospect  for  obtaining  either  money 
or  experience. 

As  for  the  latter,  I  have  always  considered 
every  year's  experience  I  had  as  an  auctioneer 
equal  to  any  three  years  of  other  business. 

On  my  new  plan  of  operating,  I  at  once  saw 
that  success,  especially  during  the  fall  and  win- 
ter season,  was  assured  me. 

This  was  in  the  fall  of  1876,  when  Hayes  and 
Tilden  were  candidates  for  the  Presidency.  I 
hg-d  never  interested  myself  in  politics  in  the 
least,  up  to  this  time,  and  nardly  "knew  which  side 


MORE    HUS'LINO.  II3 

either  man  was  running  on.  But  Mr.  Hayes  be- 
ing from  my  own  county,  and  I  might  add  the 
fact  that  I  then  had  in  my  possession  a  history- 
of  one  branch  of  my  father's  family  which  con- 
tained his  name,  and  enabled  me  to  prove  him  at 
least  a  fourteenth  cousin,  I  at  once  became  inter- 
ested in  him  and  anxious  to  see  him  in  the  Pres- 
idential chair. 
:   I  likewise  began  reading  up  on  politics ;  and 

seeing  the  necessity  of  familiarizing  myself  with 
the  party  platforms,  so  as  to  be  able  to  score  every 
Democrat  I  met  in  good  shape,  I  took  the  precau- 
tion to  preserve  every  good  Republican  speech  I 
read,  and  at  my  leisure  cut  such  extracts  from 
them  as  I  considered  good. 

After  getting  a  lot  of  these  together  I  arranged 
them  so  as  to  read  smoothly,  and  pasted  in  a 
scrap  book  ;  and  discovered  that  I  had  a  "  bang 
up  "  political  speech.  I  lost  no  time  in  commit- 
ting it  to  memory,  and  was  thereby  successful  in 
carrying  everything  by  storm. 

As  I  conld  talk  louder,  longer  and  faster  than 
the  average  person,  I  usually  experienced  little 
trouble  in  making  the  Democrats  "lay  still" 

At  last,  however,  x  came  in  contact  with  one 
landlord  who  was  a  Democrat  and  who  made  it 


114  MORE   HUS'LING. 

SO  very  unpleasant  for  me  that  I  concluded  to 
manufacture  a  Democratic  speech  also,  in  ordei 
to  be  prepared  for  another  such  occasion. 

Therefore  I  did  the  same  as  I  did  with  the  Re- 
publican speech ;  and  although  I  rather  preferred 
Hayes,  I  didn't  think  my  own  prospects  for  a 
post  office  were  so  flattering  but  that,  when  I  con- 
sidered it  a  matter  of  policy,  I  could  deliver  a 
Democratic  speech  as  well.  This  I  often  did, 
with  as  much  success  as  with  the  Republican. 

Whenever  I  registered  at  a  strange  hotel,  the 
first  inquiry  I  made  was  about  the  landlord's  pol- 
itics ;  and  he  always  found  me  with  him. 

Before  the  campaign  was  over  I  had  argued 
about  equally  for  both  parties,  and  the  day  before 
election  I  felt  that  I  ought  to  go  into  mourning, 
because  whichever  was  elected  I  knew  I  would 
be  sorry  it  wasn't  the  other. 

I  had  been  a  red  hot  Democrat  at  Gallion, 
Ohio,  and  had  made  a  great  many  hotel-office 
speeches  there,  greatly  to  the  satisfaction  of  the 
landlord  and  his  friends. 

From  there  I  went  to  Crestline,  where  I  felt 
obliged  to  be  a  Republican,  and  immediately  made 
the  acquaintance  of  two  professional  men,  one  a 
doctor  and  the  other  a  lawyer.     Both  were  Re 


MORE    HUS'LING.  II5 

publicans,  and  frequented  the  hotel  where  I 
boarded.  Neither  of  them  could  read  very  easily, 
on  account  of  having  what  I  used  to  call  "  slivers 
in  their  eyes,"  caused  by  excessive  drinking. 
They  enjoyed  politics,  however,  and  used  to  ask 
me  to  read  aloud  to  them.  In  order  to  flatter  me 
and  keep  me  interested  in  the  reading,  every 
time  I  would  finish  an  article  the  old  lawyer 
would  jump  up  and  down  in  his  chair,  and  say: 

'*Hes   a   ^ood   reader,  a  Jim-dandy  reader." 

"  Damfeain't,  damfeain't,"  the  doctor  would 
chime  in,  also  jumping  up  and  down  in  his 
chair. 

'  'Read  some  more,  Johnston;  read  some  more* 
you're  a  bully  good  reader. " 

I  of  course  had  frequent  occasions  to  deliver 
my  Republican  speech  while  there,  or  at  least  ex- 
tracts from  it ;  and  as  I  also  established  quite  a 
reputation  as  an  auctioneer,  the  two  professional 
gentlemen  said  I  ought  to  have  been  making  po- 
litical speeches  during  the  entire  campaign. 

The  lawyer  said  he  frequently  went  out  to  dif- 
ferent points  and  made  speeches,  and  wanted  me 
to  go  along  the  next  time  he  went. 

In  a  few  days  he  asked  me  to  accompany  h\m 
Qfteen  miles  to  a  cross-roads  school  house  the  fol- 


I  l6  ■  MORE    IIUS'LIXG. 

lowing  evening.  He  was  to  make  a  speech,  and 
expected  to  meet  a  man  there  from  Gallion  who 
would  also  speak ;  and  he  wanted  me  to  go  with 
him,  and  get  up  and  bury  the  Democratic  party 
forever,  in  that  part  of  the  country. 

I  at  first  hesitated,  on  account  of  having  been 
a  Democrat  while  at  Gallion,  as  I  feared  that  the 
gentleman  from  there  might  have  heard  me  ar- 
guing at  the  hotel,  and  would  give  me  away. 

Fortunately,  however,  he  failed  to  put  in  an 
appearance.  The  lawyer  delivered  his  speech, 
and  after  informing  his  audience  that  the  Gallion 
man  was  unable  to  come,  introduced  me  as  a  sub- 
stitute sent  by  him,  and  represented  me  as  a  very 
promising  young  lawyer  from  Fremont,  Ohio, 
the  very  town  where  Mr.  Hayes  had  always  re- 
sided. I  could  tell  them  more  of  his  personal 
characteristics  than  any  politician  in  the  field. 

I  opened  up  on  them  like  a  thunderbolt,  and 
succeeded  in  fairly  mopping  the  floor  with  the 
Democratic  party. 

After  talking  a  full  half  hour,  and  relating 
many  a  little  story  which  I  had  picked  up  for  the 
occasion,  and  was  carrying  my  audience  along 
under  full  sail,  with  almost  a  full  string  counted 
np  for  the  Republican  party,  the  old  lawyer  who 


I 

6,' 

12; 

Oi 

y 

<! 

^; 
u 

M 

w 

•J 
<! 
u 


•J 
Q 


ijNlVtksin 


MORE    HUS'LING.  II9 

sat  behind  me,  pulled  my  coat-tail,  and  began  to 
laugh  slightly.  I  noticed  also  a  few  intelligent- 
looking  gentlemen  looking  suspiciously  at  one 
another  and  laughing  immoderately. 

I  became  conscious  that  something  was  wrong, 
and  suddenly  realized  that  I  had  unconsciously 
switched  off  onto  my  Democratic  speech. 

I  hesitated  a  moment,  and  on  a  second's  reflec- 
tion realized  that  I  had  been  talking  Democracy 
several  minutes,  and  had  said  several  things  that 
I  couldn't  take  back.  I  became  flustered,  and 
hesitated  and  stumbled  more  or  less  till  I  heard 
the  lawyer  say,  in  a  low  voice  : 

"  Dang  it,  get  out  of  it  the  best  yo"  can,  and 
close  'er  up — close  'er  up  quick." 

I  then  said : 

"  Gentlemen,  I  am  compelled  to  make  an  hon- 
est, frank  confession  to  you.  In  the  first  place  I 
must  admit  that  my  politics  have  become  some- 
what tangled  up  in  this  particular  speech ;  and 
as  an  apology  for  it  must  honestly  confess  that  J. 
am  a  Democrat,  and  have  been  traveling  all  over 
the  country  making  Democratic  speeches. 

"  But  I  was  paid  an  extra  stipulated  price  this 
evening  to  come  over  here  as  a  substitute  and 
make  a  Republican  speech ;  and  dang  me  if  ) 


I20  MORE    HUS'LING. 

haven^t  got  fogged  up.  So,  gentlemen  foa  mus? 
take  the  will  for  the  deed ;  and  if  you  are  able  tf 
unravel  my  speech,  you  are  welcome  to  whicb- 
ever  portion  pleases  you  best." 

Everybody  laughed  and  yelled,  and  the  major- 
ity of  the^n  wanted  to  shake  me  by  the  hand  an-i 
congratulate  me. 

The  old  lawyer  said  one  good  thing  about  it 
was,  that  the  biggest  part  of  my  speech  was  Re- 
publican, anyhow ;  and  that  I  told  them  a  good 
many  plain  truths,  too,  while  I  was  at  it. 

I  asked  how  about  tHe  Democratic  part. 
Weren't  they  facts,  too? 

"  Well,  yes,  I  guess  they  were ;  but,  thank 
God,  there  wasn't  much  of  it." 

He  said  he  couldn't  see  how  on  earth  I  could 
have  gotten  my  politics  so  badly  mixed,  and  only 
for  the  fact  that  he  positively  knew  me  to  be  en- 
gaged iu  selling  polish  and  auctionering  he  would 
surely  take  my  word  for  it  that  I  was  a  Democratic 
stump  speaker.  He  said  further,  if  I  had  politics 
down  a  little  bit  finer,  he  couldn't  see  anything  to 
prevent  me  from  striking  a  job  in  almost  any  town , 
as  I  would  be  sure  to  find  either  a  Democratic  05 
Republican  meeting  v^herever  I  went 


MORE    HUS'LIXG.  121 


CHAPTER  XXV. 

."ONTINUE   TO   SELL   FOR   MERCHANTS — WELL   PRE- 
PARED FOR  WINTER TRADING  A  SHOT-GUK  FOR 

A  HORSE  AND  WAGON — AUCTIONEERING  FOR  MY- 
SELF— MR.  KEEFER  NEEDING  HELP — HOW  I  RE- 
SPONDED— TURNING  MY  HORSE  OUT  TO  PASTURE 
— ENGAGED  TO  SELL  ON  COMMISSION — HOW  I 
SLVCEEDED  —  OUT  OF  A  JOL  —  BUSTED  —  HOW  I 
MADE  A  RAISE — A  RETURN  TO  THE  INCOMPRE- 
HENSIBLE— PEDDLING  WITH  A  HORSE  AND  WAGON 
—MEETING  AN  OLD  FRIEND — MISERY  LIKES  COM- 
PAI^ — WE  HUS'LE  rOGETHER — PERFORMING  A 
SURGICAL  OPERATION — A  ^UGILISTIC  ENCOUN- 
fER— -OUR  .VILD-WEST  31  DRIES — BROKE  AGAIN 
—A  HARD  CUSTX)MER — ANOTHER  RAISE. 

I  kept  Up  my  plan  of  enga^ng  with  merchants 
o  sell  ORt  their  accumulated  hard  stocks,  and 
aever  lost  2.n  :T3r)ortunity  to  DUt  in  my  SDare 
time  selling  Dclish.  I  was  determined  that  old 
Jack  Fiost  shoulc  not  catch  m?  again  with  my 
nunmer  clothes  on  and  no  coal  in  the  bin ;  and 
'\^isn   fvinter  2amc%  ray  family  ^nd  myself  were 


122  MORE   IIUS'LING. 

arell  providec!  for.  We  had  plenty  of  coa*  and 
wood,  a  cellar  well  ailed  with  all  kinds  of  V/intei 
v'egetables,  a  half  barrel  of  corned  beef,  p  rarrel 
of  flour,  a  tub  of  butter,  and  1  was  still  "hr.-?'ling." 
Snow  storms  could  not  be  severe  enouf.h  to  keep 
me  from  peddling;  and  although  I  called  on 
many  ladies  who  plainly  showed  their  disgust  at 
me  for  tracking  the  snow  over  their  carpets,  I 
knew  I  was  working  for  a  good  cause,  and  that 
they  had  only  to  see  to  be  convinced. 

I  was  obliged  to  spend,  considerable  money  foi 
additional  furniture  for '  housekeeping  and  the 
general  comforts  of  life ;  and  when  spring  came 
again  I  was  a  little  short  financially,  but  deter- 
mined, now  that  my  family  were  comfortably  sit- 
uated, to  make  an  earnest  effort  to  procure  a  stock 
of  auction  goods  for  myself 

One  day  while  canvassing  with  the  polish,  a 
young  man  wanted  to  trade  for  the  recipe  so  he 
could  travel  with  it.  I  soon  struck  a  deal  with 
him  and  received  seventeen  dollars  in  cash  and 
an  old  shot-gun.  I  laid  the  money  away  carefully, 
thinking  I  would  try  and  sell  the  gun  and  have 
that  much  towards  a  stock  of  goods,  I  did  not  suc- 
ceed, however,  in  making  this  sale,  and  so  took 
It  home  with  me 


More  h us- lino.  123 

One  day  as  I  was  walking  down  town  I  met  two 
men  leading  a  poor,  old,  bony  horse  out  of  town 
and  carrying  a  gun. 

I  learned  from  their  conversation  that  they  were 
going  to  kill  the  old  nag.  I  asked  the  reason  and 
the}^  said  he  was  so  old  he  couldn't  eat  and  was 
starving  to  death.  I  examined  his  mouth  and  foun<3 
his  front  teeth  vrere  so  very  long  that  when  the 
mouth  was  closed  there  was  a  considerable  space 
between  the  back  teeth,  which  of  course,  would 
prevent  him  from  grinding  the  feed. 

I  inquired  of  the  owner  if  he  also  owned  a  wagon 
or  harness.  He  said  he  did.  I  next  asked  what 
he  would  take  for  the  whole  rig,  horse,  harness 
and  wagon. 

He  wanted  twenty-five  dollars.  I  told  him  about 
my  shot-gun  and  offered  to  trade  with  him.  He 
accompanied  me  to  my  house  and  I  very  quickly 
closed  a  trade,  receiving  the  whole  outfit  for  the 
gun. 

I  was  not  long  in  filing  the  old  horse's  front 
ceeth  down,  by  which  he  was  enabled  to  eat,  much 
to  his  satisfaction  and  to  my  gain. 

I  then  ordered  seventeen  dollars'  worth  of 
notions,  bought  an  old  second  hand  trunk,  had  a 
couple  of  tin  lamps  made  to  use  for  stjeet  illu- 


124 


Murk  uisunc.. 


mination,  and  started  on  my  first  trip  as  pr^-prir 
tor  and  auctioneetv 

The  old  horse  I  think  meant  ali  right  enough, 
that  is  if  he  meant  any  thing  at  all,  but  he  wasn't 
much  good.  He  couldn't  have  been  built  righ* 
m  the  first  place,  for  though  he  could  eat  more 
than  three  ordinary  horses  and  seemed  willing 
enough  to  make  a  good  showing,  yet  I  was  always 
obliged  to  get  out  and  push  whenever  we  came 
to  the  least  incline ;  and  at  the  slightest  noise 
sounding  like  the  word  "whoa"  he  would  stop 
'  instantly.  But  with  him,  stopping  was  one  thing 
and  starting  another. 

I  made  a  practice  of  commencing  early  in  the 
morning  and  selling  polish  among  the  farmers 
during  the  day-time,  and  driving  into  some  coun 
try  town  just  at  night-fall  and  making  an  auctioi 
sale  on  the  street  by  torch  light. 

I  had  small  packages  of  notions  sent  on  ahead 
C.  O.  D.  from  the  wholesale  house  with  which  \ 
was  dealing.  In  this  way  I  was  able:  to  carrj^  on 
quite  a  business. 

I  bantered  every  one  I  met  to  trade  horses,  but 
no  one  seemed  to  take  a  particular  fancy  to  my 
animal. 

I  kept  up  this  system  of  auctioneering  and  sell 


MORE    HUS'LIXG.  I  2  ^ 

ing  polisli  till  into  the  summer,  and,  had  suc- 
ceeded in  getting  a  trunk  full  of  goods,  and  begar 
to  feel  that  I  was  in  a  fair  way  to  make  monev 
'apidly. 

One  day  I  received  a  letter  from  Mr.  Keefei 
saying  he  must  have  help  from  some  source,  Hifb 
note  was  coming  due  at  the  bank  besides  other 
obligations  which  he  must  meet,  and  if  it  were 
possible  for  me  to  assist  him  in  any  way  he 
wished  I  would  do  so. 

This  was  the  first  time  he  had  ever  asked  me  foi 
assistance,  and  not  once  could  I  remember  that 
he  had  ever  refused  me  aid  when  I  asked  it  of  him. 

It  was  not  necessary  for  him  to  make  any  ex- 
planations to  convince  me  that  he  really  needed 
help,  for  the  many  times  he  had  so  generou  sly 
handed  out  to  me  was  sufficient  proof  that  he 
would  more  willingly  give  to,  than  take  from  me. 
Consequently  I  was  not  long  in  deciding  to  close 
Dut  my  goods  at  once  and  send  him  the  proceeds. 

The  next  morning  after  making  my  evening 
sale  I  sent  him  what  money  I  had,  with  a  prom 
ise  of  more  as  soon  as  I  could  sell  cut.  I  mad^ 
two  more  sales  before  I  was  able  to  close  oui:  the 
last  of  my  stock,  and  sent  him  the  money. 

T  je  next  tC'Wii  1  stopped  at  waji  Bodkins  ;  anc 


128  Mr,::]-.  nrs-LiXG. 

the  landlord  of  the  aotel,  Mr.  Lehman,  informed 
me  that'his  father,  living  in  another  town,  owned 
a  large  stock  of  general  merchandise,  and  wanted 
to  sell  it  out ;  and  asked  what  I  thought  about 
selling  it  at  auction.  I  explained  that  it  would 
be  the  proper  caper.  He  telegraphed  for  his 
father,  Avho  came  up,  and  they  wanted  to  hire  me 
by  the  day  or  week. 

I  told  them  it  was  against  my  principles  to 
work  on  salary,  but  I  would  take  ten  per  cent, 
and  all  my  expenses.  This  they  agreed  on.  Af- 
ter turning  the  old  horse  out  to  pasture,  we 
started  for  the  old  gentleman's  home,  and  began 
making  arrangements  for  an  auction  sale  there, 
preparatory  to  starting  out  on  the  road. 

We  advertised  extensively ;  and  as  the  stock 
consisted  of  almost  everything,  including  a  lot  of 
ready-made  clothing,  we  drew  an  immense  crowd, 
and  made  a  sale  of  over  twelve  hundred  dollars 
on  Saturday  afternoon  and  e\'ening. 

I  remember  when  Sunday  morning  came  I  was 
unable  to  speak  above  a  whisper ;  but  I  had  one 
hundred  and  twenty  dollars  m  cash  as  ni}-  com- 
mission, ready  to  send  to  Mr.  Keefer  on  Monday 
morning. 

We  moved  the  balance  of  the  stock  to  anothei 


MORE    HUS'LING.  I  29 

town,  where  our  sales  ran  from  one  to  three  hun- 
dred doHars  per  da}^  I  had  a  settlement  every 
night,  as  soon  as  the  receipts  were  counted,  and 
on  the  following  morning  sent  the  money  to 
Mr.  Keefer,  reserving  only  enough  -to  pay  my 
family  expenses,  which  I  practiced  sending^ 
home  every  Friday 

We  succeeded  in  closing  out  the  bulk  of  this 
large  stock  of  goods,  when  one  day,  at  St.Mary's, 
Ohio,  after  I  had  sent  my  last  dollar  to  Mr, Keef- 
er, the  proprietor  made  a  trade  with  a  real-estate 
agent,  receiving  a  farm  for  the  remainder  of  the 
stock.  I  was  notified  that  my  services  were  no 
longer  required.  My  board  was  paid  up  to  the 
following  day,  but  I  hadn't  a  dollar  to  my  name. 

Of  course,  the  first  thing  that  entered  my 
mind  was  the  'Incomprehensible,"  and  the  only 
thing  needed  was  a  dollar  or  two  with  which  to 
invest  in  a  few  bottles. 

That  day  at  noon,  when  I  came  out  f  f  the  din- 
ing-room from  dinner,  my  light-colored  Derby 
hat  was  missing;  and  as  another  one  was  there 
which  resembled  mine  very  closely,  and  fitted  me 
exactly,  I  put  it  on,  keeping  a  look-out  for  the. 
wearer  of  my  own.  As  it  had  a  large  grease-spot 
on  one  side,  from  the  dripping  of  oil  from  m^' 
street  lamps,  I  kr,  3w  I  coulci  tell  it  easily 


r30  MORE    IIUS'LING. 

Directly  in  came  a  drummer  for  a  grocery 
house,  and  began  telling  how  much  his  sales  had 
been  in  that  town :  To  one  grocer  a  car-load  each 
of  rice,  nutmegs,  cinnamon  and  pepper,  besides 
several  hundred  barrels  of  flour  and  as  many 
chests  of  tea.  I  told  him  I  didn't  doubt  his  word, 
but  would  thank  him  to  give  me  back  my  hat. 
He  discovered  his  mistake,  and  was  about  to 
trade  back,  when  I  happened  to  think  of  what  a 
splendid  chance  I  had  for  making  a  little  raise. 
As  he  handed  me  my  hat  I  said : 

"  Thunderation !  Do  you  suppose  I  am  going 
to  let  you  give  me  back  my  hat  with  that  big 
grease-spot  on  it  ?  Not  much,  sir.  Have  you 
been  down  in  some  grocer's  cellar  with  my  hat 
on  ?  Now,  sir,  you  can  either  give  me  five  dol- 
lars to  buy  a  new  hat,  or  give  me  one  dollar  and 
we'll  trade  hats." 

He  willingly  handed  over  the  dollar,  and  after 
apologizing,  offered  to  treat  in  order  to  quiet  me 
down. 

I  then  made  a  bee-line  for  the  nearest  drug- 
store, where  I  ordered  a  half  gallon  of  the"  Incom^ 
prehensible"  to  be  prepared  for  the  next  day. 

The  old  valise  I  had  v/as  a  large-sized  one,  in 
which  I  carried  my  clothing;  but  I  made  room 


MORE    HUS'LING.  13I 

for  the  polish,  and  started  out  the  next  day  on 
foot,  arriving  at  a  small  towi  late  that  night, 
with  four  dollars  ^n  cash,  B.n<.  some  stock  on 
hand. 

The  following  moi-ning  I  started  back  to 
where  I  had  left  the  old  hoi  se  and  wagon.  Ar- 
riving there,  I  hitched  up  and  itarted  through 
the  country,  selling  polish  to  ihe  farmers.  It 
took  about  all  I  could  rake  and  scrape  to  keep 
ray  family,  myself  and  the  old  horse  eating. 

While  on  this  trip  as  I  was  passing  througt 
Wapakanetta,  Ohio,  a  familiar  voice  came  from 
a  crowd  of  lookers-on  saying : 

"  Halloo,  Johnston,  where  you  going  "? 

And  an  old  acquaintance  of  mine  came  run- 
ning to  the  wagon  and  hastily  explained  that  he 
had  the  agency  of  a  valuable  patent  which  he  was 
then  trying  to  sell  County  and  State  rights  in 
and  wanted  me  to  join.  him.  I  told  him  that  I 
had  promised  my  mother  never  to  sell  another 
Patent  right,  and  then  asked  what  success  he  had 
met  with.     He  said  not  any  yet,  but 

"  But,  "  I  interrupted,"  I  suppose  you  have  suc- 
ceeded in  spending  what  money  you  had,  and  are 
now  broke." 

"  Yes,  that's  it  exactly." 


132  MORI-:    IIUS'LING 

"  Well,  Frank,  misery  likes  company.  Get  id 
here  and  we'll  travel  together." 

He  did  so  and  we  had  quite  a  siege  of  it.  We 
bought  another  valise  and  I  immediately  began 
educating  him  in  selling  polish.  He  made  a 
i^ery  fair  salesman  and  as  I  was  to  furnish  him 
mth  the  polish  at  a  stipulated  sum,  I  felt  that  1 
_oul(?  ■'^ery  soon  be  deriving  an  income  from  his  ser- 
/ ices.  My  idea  was  to  keep  him  with  me  till  he 
•  ould  get  acquainted  with  the  business  and  then 
arrang  with  some  drug  house  to  ship  him  what 
,  le  wanted  and  pay  me  my  profits. 

Out  .ixird  day  out  we  drove  into  a  small  ham- 
let, and  after  hitching  the  old  nag  to  a  post  began 
operations.  I  called  at  a  house  where  there  was 
considerable  excitement  and  learned  that  an  old 
lady  had  fallen  down  stairs  and  either  broken  or 
badly  sprained  her  ankle.  The  principal  cause 
tor  excitement  was  the -fact  that  no  Doctor  could 
be  found.  As  I  passed  from  the  house  I  saw 
Frank  »>  rossing  the  street  a  block  or  two  away 
and  called  to  him.  He  came  right  up  and  I  ex- 
plained to  him  the  critical  condition  of  the  old 
bay  and  suggested  that  he  should  go  in  and 
play  surgeon  as  they  were  unable  to  find  a  doc- 
toi  at  home.     He  consented  and  we  went  in  to- 


MORE    HUS'LIXG. 


^33 


MORE    liUS'LlNG.  I  35 

gether.  Frank  looked  wise,  and  I  did  the  talking. 
Finally  one  of  the  Vv'omeu  in  attendance  beckoned 
us  to  the  bedside.  F'rank  made  a  hasty  examin- 
ation,  and  with  my  assistance  helped  her  to  a 
cnair  and  began  pnlling  the  viction  around  the 
pom  by  her  crippled  leg.  She  yelled  and  kept 
yellingj  we  pulled  and  kept  pulling,  her  son 
swore  and  kept  swearing,  while  the  dog  barked  and 
kept  barking.  Everything  was  in  a  hubbub  and 
every  one  excited.  The  neighboring  women  soon 
left  in  disgust.  The  more  we  pulled  the  mere  ex- 
cited we  all  became  and  the  more  assurance  Frank 
seemed  to  have  that  pulling  was  the  only  remed}'-. 
We  were  very  soon  rewarded  with  success,  for  a 
moment  later  the  joint  went  back  into  place, 
snapping  like  a  pistol,  which  gave  the  old  lady 
immediate  relief.  Then  Frank  dz'd  look  wise 
and  I  dubbed  him  Doctor  Frank  at  once. 

They  inquired  where  he  was  practicing,  and  he 
told  them  he  was  a  traveling  Doctor.  I  suddenly 
spoke  up  and  said : 

"  Why.  ladies,  this  gentleman  graduated  at 
Whiting,  Indiana.  You've  all  heard  of  rhat 
place  ?" 

"  O,  yes,  we've  all  read  of  it  J'  they  answered 
in  chorus 


136  MORE    HISLIXC;. 

When  asked  what  his  charges  would  be  he 
glanced  at  me  as  if  undecided  what  to  make  it. 
I  raised  both  hands  intimating  ten  dollars  as  the 
proper  figure.     He  said : 

"  Well,  the  usual  charge  for  a  case  of  this  kind 
is  twenty  dollars,  but  I'll  charge  you  only  ten." 

They  hesitated,  and  grudgingly  paid  the  price, 
but  were  well  satisfied  with  the  operation.  We 
had  many  a  hearty  laugh  over  the  ridiculous 
manner  in  which  the  ten  dollars  was  obtained. 

We  continued  to  peddle  around  over  the  coun- 
try, taking  in  small  inland  towns. 

The  old  horse  was  an  elephant  on  my  hands^ 
but  he  was  all  I  possessed  in  the  world  ;  and  being 
unable  to  find  a  buyer,  I  could  do  no  better  than 
to  stick  by  him  unless  I  chose  to  give  him  away, 
which  I  hardly  considered  business-like.  But  I 
would  have  made  money  and  saved  trouble  had  I 
done  so,  for  he  was  the  means  of  getting  me  into 
two  or  three  little  fights.  One  in  particular  I 
will  relate. 

Doctor  Frank  and  myself  were  ariving  into 
New  Baltimore  one  Saturday  evening,  and  as  the 
old  horse  went  heaving  and  crippling  along  we 
seemed  to  be  the  attraction  for  every  one  on  the 
street.     Suddenl}-  a  young  man  who  was  sitting 


MORE    HUS'LING.  13; 

out  in  front  of  a  store  on  the  cross-railing  between 
two  hitching  posts  cried  out  at  the  very  top  of 
his  voice : 

''Whoa!" 

The  old  nag,  as  usual,  came  to  a  sudden  halt, 
=^nd  every  one  of  a  large  crov/d  of  men  standing 
near  by  began  to  laugh. 

I  realized  that  if  their  risibilities  were  so  easily 
aroused  at  seeing  him  stop,  it  would  be  a  regular 
circus  for  them  to  see  me  get  him  in  motion 
again ;  so  I  coolly  lianded  the  lines  to  Doctor 
Frank,  and  said : 

"  Here,  hold  these,  and  I'll  make  believe  I  have 
business  in  that  store ;  and  after  this  crowd  has 
dispersed,  I'll  come  out  and  we'll  try  and  make 
another  start." 

I  climbed  out  and  walked  toward  the  store. 
As  I  got  even  with  the  young  chap  who  had 
stopped  us,  and  noticed  him  still  sitting  there, 
with  his  feet  swinging  backward  and  forward 
and  a  look  of  triumph  on  his  face,  I  suddenly 
changed  my  course,  and  stepping  up  to  him, 
quickly  dealt  him  a  right-hander  straight  from 
the  shoulder.  He  received  the  blow  directly  un- 
der the  chin,  and  it  set  him  spinning  around  the 
rail  like  a  trapeze  performer  on  a  horizontal  bai. 


138  '  MORE    HUS'LING. 

1  then  returned  to  the  wagon,  climbed  in,  picked 
up  my  club  and  made  preparations  for  another 
move. 

Before  making  the  start  we  had  the  pleasure 
of  witnessing  several  revolutions  by  the  young 
gentleman,  after  which  he  was  helped  to  the 
ground  by  some  friends  ;  and  as  we  were  moving 
away,  under  the  strong  pressure  of  m}'  club  and 
the  hard  pushing  of  the  lines  by  Doctor  Frank, 
our  smart  youth  looked  more  silly  and  terror- 
stricken  than  he  did  gay  and  frisky  a  few  mo- 
ments before,  when  the  laugh  was  all  on  his  side. 

As  we  passed  along  down  street  everything 
was  as  quiet  as  a  funeral ;  and  although  every  man 
may  have  wanted  to  laugh,  they  all  looked  sober 
and  sanctimonious,  and  as  we  imagined,  took  ex- 
tra precautions  to  look  sorrowful  and  sympathetic, 
as- we  rode  along;  looking  savagely  at  them,  appar- 
ently ready  to  spring  from  the  wagon  and  pounce 
upon  them  at  a  second's  warning. 

We  then  drove  to  the  hotel,  where  we  took 
quarters. 

The  next  day,  Sunday,  while  we  were  standing 
out  in  front,  a  man  came  up  and  began  interrupt- 
ing us  in  our  conversation,  and  became  rather 
abusive,  when  we  asked  him  to  go  away  and  not 


-MORE    HUS'LING.  139 

interfere  with  our  affairs.  He  then  said  he  was 
a  lawyer  and  a  gentleman,  if  he  had  been  drink- 
ing a  little,  and  he  could  whip  half-a-dozen  such 
men  as  we  were  ;  and  so  saying  he  shook  his  fist 
nn'der  Doctor  Frank's  nose.  He  soon  discovered 
his  mistake,  for  no  sooner  had  he  done  so  than 
he  received  a  straight  left-hander  from  Frank, 
right  on  his  big  red  nose.  I  shall  never  forget 
his  looks,  as  he  began  backing  up,  in  a  dazed 
condition,  and  kept  backing  round  and  round  in 
a  circle,  with  the  blood  spurting  and  his  nose 
flattened  all  over  his  face,  and  finally,  not  being 
able  to  keep  on  his  feet  any  longer,  landed 
squarely,  in  a  sitting  posture,  right  in  the  mid- 
dle of  a  puddle  of  water  that  had  been  made  by  a 
severe  rain-storm  that  morning. 

He  had  no  sooner  landed  in  the  water,  than 
not  less  than  two  dozen  men  came  running  from 
a  saloon  across  the  street ;  and  the  leader  of  the 
mob,  a  man  about  as  large  again  as  either  of  us, 
and  who,  we  afterwards  learned,  was  the  pugilist 
of  the  town,  came  rushing  up  to  us  and  said : 

"  Any  man  that  will  strike  a  drunken  man  is 
a  coward." 

From  this  we  inferred  that  the  whole  thing 
was  a  put-up  job,  and  f  ;;r  .^-.ily  way  out  was  to 
assert  on*  i:;/;'"^  ^-''T  ^Mi^  '    ''     ay  thr'>no:b. 


140  More  hus'ling. 

He  was  coolly  informed  that  we  were  not  look* 
ing  for  fights,  but  we  had  never  been  placed  on 
the  list  of  cowards  yet.     He  said  : 

"  Well,  I  am  here  to  clean  both  you  fellows- 
out." 

"  Very  well,  I  guess  you  can  commence  on 
me,"  said  Doctor  Frank  and  they  opened  up. 
The  crowd  gathered  closely  around,  and  I  be- 
came a  little  excited,  and  fearful  lest  some  one 
should  assist  the  stranger  by  kicking  or  hitting 
Frank.  While  they  were  scufHing  on  the  ground 
I  stuck  close  by  them,  and  realizing  that  my  lit- 
tle escapade  of  the  day  before  would  have  a  ten- 
dency to  give  me  considerable  prestige,  I  contin- 
ued to  cry  out,  at  the  top  of  my  voice : 

"  Gentlemen,  stand  back,  stand  back  ;  the  first 
man  who  interferes  here  to-day  will  get  knocked 
out  in  less  than  a  second,  and  I'm  the  boy  that 
can  do  it." 

Every  one  was  yelling  for  the  pugilist  but  my- 
self;  and  I  continued  talking  encouragingly  to 
Frank  at  the  very  top  of  my  voice  : 

"  Stay  by  him.  Doctor,  old  boy,  stay  by  him, 
Slav'  by  him,  never  give  up,  sta}^  by  him,  make 
liim  lay  still.  I  can  whip  any  man  that  dares 
to  interfere." 


MORE    HUS'LI-XG.  141 

fully  realized  how  easy  it  \\  .is  to  become  involved 

in  trouble  through   such  a  fracas.     But  at  this 

particular  time  I  was  really  anxious  to  show  fight 

and  willing  to  take  a  whipping  if  I  couldn't  hold 

) 

my  own.     We  were  not  molested  in  that  town 

again. 

I  remember  that  Sunday  night  the  oiHce  of  the 
hotel  was  filled  with  men  who  came  ii'  and  ex- 
pressed themselves  as  in  sympathy  with  us  ;  and 
I  well  remember,  too,  the  number  of  Wild  West 
stories  we  related  of  our  experience  on  the  frontier 
with  wild  Indians  and  Polar  bears,  and  -w  hen  we 
finished  relating  them,  how  surprised  many 
seemed  to  be  that  they  had  all  escaped  wit  h  their 
lives  during  the  late  combat. 

I  remember  one  very  exciting  story  I  told  about 
an  encounter  I  had  with  seven  Indians  and  how 
I  killed  five  of  them  and  took  the  other  two  pris- 
oners after  receiving  thirteen  wounds,  and  as  evi- 
dence of  my  assertion  took  off  my  coat  and  vest, 
and  was  about  to  remove  my  shirt,  to  show  the 
scars  when  Frank  and  the  landlord  stopped  me 
and  said : 

"  Never  mind,  Johnston,  you  showed  us  those 
scars  last  night,  and  remember  this  is  Sunday 
night  and  people  are  passing  by  going  to  church 


142  MOIv'.E    H,US'L1NG. 

For  a  few  moments  when  the  pugilist  was  on 
top  of  the  Doctor  it  looked  rather  dubious,  but  I 
knew  the  sort  of  stuff  Frank  was  made  of  and 
kept  yelling : 

"  Never  quit,  Frank,  die  on  the  spot.  Stay 
by  him." 

A  second  later  the  pugilist  had  not  only  been 
turned,  but  the  fight  had  also  turned,  for  Frank 
was  on  top  and  it  was  not  long  till  the  pugilist 
screamed  : 

"  Take  him  off,  take  him  off." 

I  said  to  Frank  :  "  Let  the  poor  devil  up  now, 
he  has  enough." 

Frank  raised  up,  looking  a  little  the  worse  for 
the  battle,  but  \dctory  was  plainly  written  in  his 
countenance.  When  he  went  into  the  hotel  office 
to  wash,  the  landlord  informed  him  that  he  had 
whipped  the  bully  of  the  town.  About  this  time  I 
felt  considerably  like  having  a  little  brush  my- 
self, with  some  one,  and  stepping  outside  I  asked 
in  a  loud  tone  of  voice  if  there  M^as  any  one  there 
who  was  not  quite  satisfied,  and  if  there  was  I 
would  like  to  try  any  one  of  them  a  round  or  two 
just  to  accommodate  them.     No  one  responded. 

During  my  several  years'  experience  1  had 
learned  to  avoid  any  such  scenes  as  this  one,  and 


MORE    HUS'LIVr,.  j^^ 

and  will  see  you ;  wait  till  tomorrow  night  an<' 
then  show  them." 

Of  course  I  took  their  advice  and  put  my 
coat  and  vest  on  again,  and  was  amused  to  heai 
three  or  four  old  I-told-you-so-fellows  say :  "  i 
knew  it,  I  knew  you  fellows  were  good  ones^  1 
knew  no  common  ordinary  fellows  had  any  busi- 
ness with  you  men." 

Doctor  Frank  and  I  were  sworn  friends  from 
this  time  on  and  continued  with  the  polish  fo:' 
some  time. 

One  day  I  received  a  letter  from  my  wife  de 
manding  an  extra  amount  of  money  from  what 
I  had  been  accustomed  to  sending  her,  and  I  bor- 
rowed all  Frank  had,  and  with  it  sent  all  I  had, 
lea\ing  us  without  a  cent,  but  with  plenty  of 
polish.  As  we  had  from  three  o'clock  in  the  after- 
noon till  sundown  to  operate,  we  hadn't  the  slight- 
est doubt  of  being  able  to  make  at  least  enough 
sales  to  procure  money  sufficient  to  pay  expenses 
over  night ;  but  in  spite  of  every  effort  we  were 
unable  to  even  sell  a  single  bottle,  and  when  dark-j 
ness  came  we  made  arrangements  with  a  farmer, 
for  supper,  lodging  and  breakfast. 

In  the  morning  of  course  ^he  only  thing  we 
could  do  was  to  trade  hira  Polish   and  I  begptj 


144  Moki-:  Hus'ijxr.. 

negotiations  witli  him,  but  in  vain,  I  had  pol- 
ished up  two  or  three  pieces  of  furniture,  but 
neither  himself  nor  his  wife  seemed  to  care  for  it 
at  all,  and  as  we  could  plainly  see  were  bent  on 
receiving  a  little  pin-money  from  us.  I  then  pol- 
ished up  another  piece  of  furniture  and  kept  talk- 
ing it  up,  perspiring  freely,  and  noticed  great 
drops  of  perspiration  standing  out  on  Frank's 
forehead.  Then  I  polished  more  furniture  and 
gave  a  more  elaborate  explanation  of  the  merits 
of  the  polish,  Doctor  Frank  of  course  putting  in  a 
word  now  and  then.  But  we  had  struck  a  Tartar 
— in  fact,  two  Tartars.  They  were  as  firm  as  ad- 
amant. 

We  were  at  last  cornered  and  looked  at  each 
other  as  though  we  had  an  idea  that  a  private 
consultation  would  be  the  thing  to  hold  about 
that  time. 

I  felt  that  I  would  rather  forfeit  the  old  horse 
and  wagon  than  acknowledge  that  we  had  no 
mone}^     I  then  said  : 

"  Mr. ,  is  the  gentleman  living  in  the  sec« 

ond  house  south  of  here  a  responsible  and  entei 
prising  man  ?" 

He  answered  that  he  was,  and  asked  wh3^ 

"Well  I  have  been  thiulcing-  of  making  him  a 


MORE    HUS'LING.  1 45 

Geueral  Agent  in  this  Cot.  ity  for  my  polish." 

The  lady  of  the  house  thei   said : 

'*  John,  why  don't  you  tak»i  the  agency  ?  you 
'have  always  wanted  to  travel." 

He  asked  what  kind  of  a  show  I'd  give  him. 

I  told  him  we  charged  ten  dollars  for  the 
General  Agency  for  each  county  and  we  would 
supply  him  with  the  polish,  or  he  could  have  the 
recipe  for  making  it  by  paying  twenty-five  dollars. 
He  said  he  had  no  money  and  there  was  no  use 
talking. 

I  asked  how  much  our  bill  would  be  for  stay- 
ing over  night. 

"  Two  dollars,"  was  his  reply. 

"  Very  well,  then,  we  can  fix  the  money  part. 
Which  do  you  prefer,  the  General  Agency  or  the 
recipe  ?" 

He  said  he  wanted  the  recipe. 

"  You  can  just  give  us  credit  then,  for  the 
two  dollars  and  pay  us  fifty  cents  in  cash  and 
you  will  owe  us  twenty-two  and  one-half  dollars 
which  you  can  pay  after  you  have  made  it." 

His  wife  said  that  was  fair.  He  said  he  hadn't 
the  fifty  cents,  but  they  would  give  us  a  chicken 
for  the  difference. 

As  we  had  been  accustomed   to  trading  any 


146 


MOKE    liUS'LlNG. 


thing  and  everything  we  explained  that  the  fowi 
was  right  in  our  line,  and  immediately  closed  the 
deal  and  left  with  it.  The  reader  may  be  assured 
that  we  congratulated  ourselves  on  our  narrow 
escape.  The  man  still  owes  the  balance, — in 
fact  I  forgot  to  leave  him  my  address,  so  he 
could  send  it. 

We  had  consumed  nearly  a  half  day  wrestling 
with  our  farmer  friend  to  effect  a  deal,  and  im- 
mediately started  out  with  renewed  vigor  and  the 
chicken  with  its  legs  securely  tied  and  under  the 
wagon  seat 


MORE    HUS'LING.  I  4; 


CHAPTER  XXVI 

HELPING  A  TRAMP — WE  DIS.SOL\'E  PARTNERSHIP 
— MY  AUCTION  SALE  FOR  THE  FARMER — 
.HOW  I  SETTLED  WITH  KIM — I  RESUME  THE 
AUCTION  BUSINESS  FOR  ?»IYSELF — MY  HORSE 
TRADE — I    START   FOR   MICHIGAN. 

We  were  then  but  a  short  distance  from  Fos- 
toria,  to  which  place  we  drove,  arriving  there  at 
noon  with  seventy-five  cents  and  the  chicken, 
\viiich  Ave  sold  for  twenty-five  cents.  When  we 
received  the  cash  for  it,  a  rather  seedy-looking  in- 
dividual stepped  up  and  asked  us  if  we  couldn't 
give  him  money  enough  to  buy  his  dinner,  as  he 
iiad  had  nothing  to  eat  for  several  da37s.  We 
figured  that  as  we  had  a  dollar  we  could  afford  to 
give  the  fellow  twenty-five  cents,  and  have  the 
same  amount  left  for  dinner  for  each  of  us,  in- 
cluding the  old  horse.  When  we  handed  the  tramp 
his  quarter,  I  remarked  : 

"  We  will  divide  equally  with  you,  which  is 
the  best  we  can  do." 

He  thanked  us,  and  passed  out  of  the  store, 
when  a  very  sony-looking  individual  with  a  dea* 
con-fied  appearance  who  stood  by  said : 


148  MORE    HUS'LING. 

"  Young  man,  I  think  yon  make  a  mistake  by 
giving  sucli  characters  money.  How  do  you 
know  what  he  will  do  with  it  ?  He  may  spend 
it  for  liquor,  and  may  hoard  it  up ;  there  is  nc 
telling  what  he  will  do  with  it.  I  believe  in  char- 
ity, but  I  believe  prayers  are  better  than  money 
for  such  people." 

"  Well,  if  you  believe  in  prayers  you  believe  in 
God?" 

"Of  course  I  do.'' 

"  Then,  sir,  you  must  admit  that  God  keeps 
the  books  ;  and  if  the  tramp  is  an  impostor  this 
little  transaction  will  be  recorded  against  him, 
and  in  our  favor — especially  if  His  system  of 
book-keeping  is  double  entry." 

The  old  gentleman  laughed  and  said  he  didn't 
know  but  I  was  right,  and  that  he  would  give  the 
matter  a  little  extra  thought.  We  then  left  the 
store  and  immediately  satisfied  ourselves  that 
the  old  gentleman  was  right,  iu  this  particular 
instance,  for  we  saw  the  tramp  across  the  street 
going  into  a  saloon  and  followed  him,  reaching 
there  just  in  time  to  hear  him  order  a  glass  of 
beer.  I  stepped  up  to  him  and  said :  "  Are  yoti 
hungry?" 

'  No.  sir,  T  am  not ;  but  I  am  thirsty." 


"  Well,  sir,  you've  got  to  eat  anyhow  ;  we  gave 
you  twenty-five  cents  a  few  moments  ago  to  eat 
with,  and,  dang  you,  you  have  got  to  eat,  and  eat 
twenty-five  cents'  worth,  too,  or  be  kicked  out  of 
town.     Which  do  you  prefer  ?" 

He  thought  he'd  rather  eat. 

I  took  him  by  the  neck  and  marched  him 
forthwith  to  a  restaurant,  and  demanded  of  him 
that  he  order  twenty-five  cents'  worth  and  eat  every 
mouthful  of  it,  and  assured  him  of  our  inten- 
tion of  returning  a  few  minutes  later  to  see  that 
he  followed  our  instructions. 

In  about  twenty  minutes  we  passed  by  the 
restaurant  and  saw  him  sitting  at  a  table  facing 
the  door  eating  with  as  much  energy  and  vigor 
as  a  harvest  ha!:  J.  We  turned  back,  and  drop- 
ping in,  explained  the  facts  to  the  restaurant- 
keeper,  who  informed  us  that  he  had  ordered 
twenty-five  cents'  worth.  He  soon  finished  the 
meal  and  came  to  the  cashier  to  settle.  I  asked 
if  he  had  eaten  everything  brought  him.  He 
said  not  everything,  but  all  he  wanted. 

*' Then,  sir,"  said  I,  '' 3^ou  march  back  there 
and  finish  .ating  everythaig,  to  the  ver}^  last 
morsel." 

He  obeyed,  but  with  c  '  '^'ffort,  as  was  plainly 


150  MORE    I-JLSLiNG. 

seen,  for  eating  seemed  to  be  out  of  his  line. 
But  we  felt  satisfied.  At  any  rate  we  didn't  feel 
that  we  had  been  absolutely  swindled  out  of  our 
money ;  so,  after  giving  the  fellow  a  good  sound 
(lecturing,  we  let  him  go. 

Doctor  Frank  and  I  kept  together  several 
weeks,  and,  although  we  worked  like  troopers, 
were  unable  to  lay  up  any  money. 

Finally  he  received  a. letter  from  an  acquaint- 
ance in  Northern  Michigan,  wanting  him  to  come 
there  and  engage  in  business  with  him.  Stocked 
with  a  valise  full  of  polish,  he  bade  me  good-bye 
and  started. 

I  continued  on  as  usual  until  one  night  I 
stopped  with  a  farmer  who  had  sold  his  farm  and 
advertised  an  auction  sale  of  his  live  stock  and 
farming  utensils  to  take  place  the  following  day. 
I  was  anxious  to  remain  and  hear  his  auctioneer, 
(who,!he  said,  was  a  good  one,) and  concluded  to 
do  so. 

About  ten  o'clock  the  next  forenoon  a  large 
crowd  had  gathered,  and  a  few  moments  later  the 
Euctioneer,  in  company  with  three  other  men,  ar- 
rived on  the  scene,  all  so  intoxicated  as  to  be 
scarcely  able  to  sit  in  their  wagons. 

The  farmer  was  very  indignant,  and  came  to 


MORE    HUS'LING.  1^! 

me  and  asked  if  I  had  an  idea  I  could  sell  off  liis 
property.  I  had  spoken  of  my  experience  in  that 
line  the  night  before,  and  now  told  him  I  thought 
I  could  do  as  well  as  a  drunken  man,  any  how. 
In  answer  to  his  question  of  salary  I  told  him  I 
never  worked  on  salary,  but  sold  on  commission. 
He  said  the  other  fellow  had  agreed  to  make  the 
sale  for  ten  dollars,  and  asked  what  commis- 
sion I  would  want,  I  told  him  I  had  always  re- 
ceived from  ten  to  twenty  per  cent,  on  merchan- 
dise, but  as  he  had  horses  and  cattle  which 
would  run  into  money  fast,  and  was  going  to  sell 
on  a  year's  time,  I  would  charge  him  five  pei 
cent.,  to  be  paid  in  cash  when  the  sale  was  over. 
He  agreed,  and  I  laid  off  my  coat  and  went  to 
work. 

I  saw  at  once  from  his  actions  that  he  was 
satisfied,  and  after  the  sale  had  progressed  a 
while  he  said : 

"  Young  man,  you  were  a  God-send  to  me  this 
day  sure,"  and  added:  "The  Lord  v/ill  provide." 

"  Yes,  either  that  or  the  devil  takes  care  of  his 
own,"  I  answered. 

"How  so?" 

"  Well,  while  the  Lord  has  taken  care  of  you 
in   furnishing  you  an   auctioneer.  I  have  been 


152  More  uls'lixg. 

favored  considerably  myself,  for  Heaven  knows 
I  needed  the  job,  and,  as  I  feel  I  am  one  of  the 
devil's  kind,  I  gness  I'll  have  to  give  him  the 
preference." 

He  said :  "  We'll  decide  that  matter  after  the 
sale." 

Every  thing  went  on  smoothly,  and,  as  the 
sale  was  large  it  took  till  late  in  the  evening  be- 
fore the  last  article  was  sold.  The  next  morn- 
ing we  footed  np  the  sales,  and,  to  the  farmer's 
utter  astonishment,  it  amounted  to  over  eleven 
hundred  dollars.    After  reflecting  a  wli.ik':  he  said : 

"  Why,  hang  it  all,  we  figured  in  the  first 
place  that  we  had  about  a  thousand  dollars' 
worth,  but  I  never  thought  of  that  j'csterday 
morning  when  I  offered  you  five  per  cent.  Why. 
great  guns,  young  man,  are  you  going  to  charge 
me  fifty-five  dollars  ?" 

"  Of  course  I  am,  and  I  think  I've  earned  it." 

"  What !  Earned  fifty-five  dollars  in  one  day? 
Gracious  Peter !  I  can  hire  good  men  07 1  my 
farm  for  seventeen  dollars  per  month." 

"  Yes,  but  I  didn't  see  any  of  them  an  und 
3'esterday  who  were  handy  enough  to  do  ^  our 
auctioneering." 

He   became    quite    excited,    and    declared    *■  e 


xMORE    HUSLUNG.  15; 

wouldn't  pay  me  more  than  fifteen  dollars.  1 
argued  with  him  till  about  ten  o'clock,  when  sev- 
eral men  had  come  to  take  away  their  purchases 
and  settle  for  them.  After  I  had  resorted  to  all 
sorts  of  methods  and  arguments  to  make  him 
paj'-  me,  I  said : 

"  Well,  sir,  I  am  going  to  spoil  all  the  sales 
made  to  these  men." 

He  anxiously  inquired  how  I  intended  to  do  it. 

"  Well,  I  don't  suppose  it  has  occurred  to  you 
that  I  am  not  a  licensed  auctioneer,  and  under 
the  laws  of  the  State  you  have  no  right  to  deliver 
or  give  a  bill  of  sale  for  goods  sold  by  an  auction- 
eer not  licensed." 

His  eyes  fairly  popped  out  of  his  head,  and 
turning  to  his  wife  with  much  excitement,  said : 

"  Mary,  give  him  fifty-five  dollars,  and  let  him 
go." 

After  receiving  the  money,  I  said : 

"  I  suppose  you  would  be  silly  enough  to  be- 
lieve me  if  I  should  tell  you  you  ought  to  have  a 
license  to  eat  when  you  are  hungry." 

As  his  boy  had  hitched  up  my  old  horse,  I  took 
my  departure  at  once  ;  and  driving  to  the  nearest 
town,  sent  the  money  to  a  wholesale  notion  house 
and  ordered  a  stock  of  auction  goods,  which  was 
promptly  sent. 


J  54  n;ore  Hi"sxiXG. 

I  began  business,  working  my  way  back  north 
with  a  view  to  striking  into  Michigan  in  time  for 
the  County  Fairs. 

During  the  whole  time  I  had  been  skirmishing 
around  with  m}''  old  horse,  after  dosing  out  m}^ 
stock  at  Bodkins,  I  had  clung  to  the  old  trunk 
and  my  street  lamps. 

The  second  day  after  receiving  my  goods, 
while  driving  along,  v/ondering  what  would  hap- 
pen next,  I  noticed  a  farmer  coming  from  his 
nouse  to  the  barn,  and  after  looking  down  the 
road  at  me  a  moment,  climbed  up  on  the  board 
fence  and  sat  there  apparently  waiting  my  com- 
ing.    As  I  drove  up,  he  yelled : 

"  Halloo,  stranger  whatcher  got  to  swap  ?" 

"  I'll  swap  anything  I've  got.  What  have  you 
to  trade  ?" 

"  Well,  sir,  I've  got  as  handsome  a  little  brown 
mare  as  you  ever  saw.  She  is  too  small  to  work 
on  a  farm,  and  as  you've  got  a  big  bony  cuss 
there  that  would  make  a  good  plow  hoss,  I'll 
give  you  a  big  trade." 

"  Bring  'er  out ;  let's  see  'er." 

"  Here,  boy,  lead  that  little  brown  mare  out 
and  let  the  gentleman  see  her.'^ 

As  the  boy  led  her  from  the  stable  she  came 


MoRH:    Hl'S'LlNG. 


155 


MORE    HUS'LING.  15; 

c 

out  with  her  ears  laying  back  and  her  short  tail 
switching ;  and  I  said  to  myself,  "  here  will  be 
a  job  breaking  a  kicker  and  balker." 

"  How  will  you  trade  ?"  I  asked,  not  leaving 
my  seat  in  the  wagon,  but  simply  looking  through 
and  over  the  fence  at  her. 

Without  leaving  his  seat  on  the  fence,  the  man 
s'\id: 

"  I'll  trade  for  five  dollars  to  boot." 

"  I'll  trade  even." 

"  No,  sir,"  he  said,  "  I'm  expecting  threshers 
to-morrow,  and  have  got  to  have  some  money 
to  buy  meat  and  groceries  with." 

"  Well,  then,  I'll  give  you  two  dollars  and  fifty 
cents,  and  no  more." 

"  All  right ;  it's  a  trade.  The  boy  will  change 
them  for  you.' 

The  lad  then  led  the  mare  araund,  and  aftei 
unhitching  the  old  horse,  changed  the  harness, 
and  after  hitching  the  mare  to  the  wagon  I 
handed  him  the  amount  agreed  upon,  and  started 
on. 

I  expected  to  have  a  little  **  circus  "  with  her, 
but  to  my  surprise  and  delight  she  started  off  on 
a  full  trot.  The  sensation  was  certainly  invigor- 
ating, as  it  was  the  fir^t  time  T  had  ;  Mden  fauste? 

fhan  f  wall?  in 
^1 


158  MORE    IlLS'LING. 

• 

The  ide-  of  our  inaking  the  trtie  withotJ: 
either  of  us  -aviiLg  our  seats,  or  asking  a  single 
question,  rather  amused  me,  and  seemed  likt 
trading  "  sight  unseen." 

I  felt  that  two  dollars  and-a-half  was  all  I  hac 
to  risk,  anyhow,  and  if  he  could  afiord  to  be  reck* 
less  just  because  he  was  out  of  meat,  I  could  ai 
ford  to  take  equal  chances  with  him. 

This,  I  think,  so  far  as  real  value  was  con 
cerned,  was  the  best  horse  trade  I  ever  made ;  the 
animal  was  not  only  sound  and  kind,  but  an  ex- 
tra good  roadster  and  a  good-looking  beast. 

The  next  day  when  I  drove  into  Pl^^mouth, 
Ohio,  to  my  surprise  I  met  Doctor  Frank.  He 
had  concluded  t^  stop  there  and  sell  polish  for  a 
few  days  before  going  to  Michigan,  and  in  the 
meantime  write  up  there  and  learn  more  about 
his  friend's  offer. 

I  shall  nevei  forget  his  looks  as  he  came  -vvalk- 
ing  up  to  the  'fragon  just  as  I  was  lighting  my 
lamps  to  open  a  sale.  He  had  been  attracted  by 
the  lights  and  the  gathering  crowd,  and  when  he 
saw  the  new  horse  and  discovered  me  with  p^ 
stock  of  g(>ods,  he  could  hardly  believe  his  own 
eyes. 

I  took  lime  to  explain  liow  T  hnd  made  a  raise, 
atul  about  llio  horse-trad'> 


MORE    IIL'S'LIXG. 


159 


He  was  as  much  pleased  as  I  was,  and  started 
OQt  wath  me  again  the  next  day.  We  kept  our 
course  towards  Michigan,  and  while  in  Ohio  vis- 
ited several  towns  in  which  we  had  previousl}' 
sold  polish,  and  where  we  now  made  auction 
sales.  In  a  few  days  he  again  left  me.  I  staid 
in  Ohio  several  weeks,  then  went  into  Michigan, 
meeting  with  good  success  and  making  monej; 
luite  fast 


l6o  MORE    IIUS'LIXG. 


CHAPTER  XXVII, 

'^  nCTTONEERING  AT  THE  MICHIGAN  STATE  FAIR- 
THREE  DAYS'  CO-PARTNERSHIP  WITH  A  SHOWMAN 
-~MY  PARTNER'S  FAMILY  ON  EXHIBITION — OUR 
SUCCESS  —  TRAVELING  NORTHWARD  —  BUSINESS 
INCREASES — FREQUENT  TRADES  IN  HORSES  AND 
WAGONS — THE  POSSESSOR  OF  A  FINE  TURN-OUT 
— MR.  KEEFER  AGAIN  ASKS  ASSISTANCE — HOW  J 
RESPONDED  —  TRAVELING  WITH  AN  OX-TEAM 
AND  CART — A  GREAT  ATTRACTION — SOLD  OUT — 
TRAVELING  BY  RAIL  —  MY  RETURN  TO  OHIO- 
MEETING  THE  CLAIRVOYANT  DOCTOR —  HOW  i 
FOOLED  HIM  -  -QUAIL,  TWELVE  DOLLARS  A  DOZEN 
— ^THE  DOCTOR  LOSES  HIS  APPETITE. 

The  Michigan  State  Fair  was  to  be  held  at 
Jackson  that  year,  and  I  managed  to  reach  there 
or  the  opening  day  and  commenced  business  at 
once.  I  sold  on  the  grounds  during  the  day,  and 
on  the  streets  down  town  in  the  evenings,  doing 
a  splendid  business. 


NfORE    HUS'LING.  I  r.  , 

On  the  second  day  of  the  Fail  a  gentleman 
came  up  to  my  wagon,  while  I  was  getting  ready 
to  make  a  sale,  and  remarked  that  he  had  heard 
me  down  town  the  evening  before,  and  was  glad 
to  see  me  doing  so  well ;  and  told  me  that  he  had 
a  business  that  he  could  make  lots  of  mone}^  at 
if  he  could  get  started ;  but  as  he  was  completely 
stranded,  he  was  unable  to  procure  a  license,  or 
anything  else. 

In  answer  to  my  inquiry  as  to  the  nature  of 
his  business,  he  said  he  had  a  side-show. 

I  didn't  ask  what  he  had  to  show,  but  as  I  had 
been  in  almost  every  other  business  but  that,  I 
concluded  to  venture,  and  asked  how  much  money 
he  would  need. 

"  Twent3'^-five  dollars." 

"  Anything  in  it  for  me,  if  I'll  furnish  the 
money  ?" 

"  Yes  ;  there  will  be  half  we  make  for  you,  af- 
ter paying  expenses." 

"  All  right,  sir ;  I'll  help  you  to  get  a  start." 

We  called  on  the  Secretary,  and  after  paying 
for  our  permit,  sent  for  his  canvas  and  very  soon 
had  it  up. 

I  accompanied  him  down  town  at  noon,  and  on 
^ur  way  asked  what  he  had  to  show.  He  an- 
swered : 


r^2  ::oR):  hus'LING. 

"  The  Fat  Woman,  the  Dwarf,  the  Albino  and 
the  Circassian  Girl." 

When  we  came  to  his  hotel  he  asked  me  in 
and  introduced  me  to  his  wife,  two  sons  and  a 
''aughter. 

I  asked  him  where  the  show  people  were. 

"  I  have  introduced  you  to  all  of  them." 

"  But  where  is  your  Fat  Woman  ?" 

He  pointed  to  his  wife. 

"  Why,  Great  Heavens,"  I  shouted,  '  she  is 
not  fat ;  she  is  as  thin  as  a  match  and  as  long  as 
a  wagon  track ;  how  are  you  going  to  make  her 
fat  ?    And  the  Circassian  Girl — where  is  she  ?" 

He  pointed  to  his  daughter,  whose  hair  was 
all  done  up  in  tins,  and  said  to  me : 

"  Never  mind  about  the  show.  Every  thing 
will  be  all  right.  You  get  there  by  one  o'clock, 
and  we'll  be  there  ready  for  business." 

Sure  enough,  they  were  there.  The  Fat 
Woman  in  her  long  silk  robe,  and  as  big  as  a 
hogshead. 

The    Dwarf    in   his   swallow-tailed   coat   and 
wearing  a  plug  hat,  and  his  face  deeply  furrowed 
with  wrinkles. 
The  Albino  boy  with  his  white  hair,  but  Igrlr- 

Ing  the  pink  eyes 


w  :^  S  ^l^ 


■Mb:&E' hus'ling?  165 

The  Circassian  Girl  with  her  dark  bushy  haif 
standing  out  in  all  directions  from  her  head. 

The  Albino  played  the  fife,  the  Dwarf  the 
snare  drum,  the  Circassian  lady  the  cymbals, 
and  the  Fat  Woman  the  base-drum. 

The  first  thing  to  be  done  was  to  erect  a  small 
stage  on  the  outside,  and  the  entire  party  came 
out,  and  after  stationing  themselves  in  proper 
order,  opened  up  with  music. 

While  this  unique  band  was  thus  engaged, 
my  new  partner  mounted  the  box  and  began 
talking  at  lightning  speed.  Crowds  of  people 
gathered,  and  after  viewing  the  pictures  of  the 
living  wonders  on  the  canvas,  and  listening  to 
the  glowing  description  given  of  the  "  GREAT- 
EST OF  LIVING  CURIOSITIES,"  they  began  pour- 
ing in  and  kept  it  up  till  the  tent  was  packed 
full.  Then  the  music  ceased  and  the  performers 
went  inside,  and  the  Professor  singled  them  out 
and  delivered  a  lecture  on  each  one,  telling  their 
age,  nationality,  etc.,  after  which  he  immediately 
announced  the  conclusion  of  the  performance 
and  motioned  every  one  out. 

As  soon  as  the  tent  was  cleared  the  band  again 
made  its  appearance  on  the  outside,  and  after  at* 
tracting  a  crowd  and  filling  the  tent  again,  would 


1 66  MORE    HUS'LING. 

step  inside  to  be  exhibited,  and  this  was  repeated 
with  immense  success  till  the  last  day  and  last 
hour  of  the  Fair. 

It  was  amusing  to  see  the  people  gather  around 
and  stare  at  the  band  of  musicians  while  they 
were  playing  on  the  outside,  and  then  step  up 
and  buy  tickets  to  go  inside  and  take  another 
look  at  them ;  and,  as  there  was  no  fault-finding, 
I  suppose  they  were  all  satisfied. 

I  drove  my  auction  wagon  as  close  to  the  tent 
as  possible,  and  as  fast  as  I  could  work  the  crowd 
with  my  goods  I  would  turn  them  over  to  my 
side-show  partner,  recommending  it  as  absolutely 
the  most  singular  and  remarkable  show  I  had 
ever  seen. 

I  took  the  precaution  to  hire  a  man  to  take  the 
tickets,  so  I  had  no  occasion  to  interfere  with  the 
show;  -but  the  last  day,  in  the  afternoon,  the 
Professor  becanie  almost  exhausted ;  and  leaving 
my  wagcn  I  tcok  the  blower's  stand  and  relieved 
him,  and  through  the  excitement,  soon  discovered 
myself  talking  Curiosities  w'th  as  much  earnest- 
ness as  if  Bamum's  whole  menagerie  had  been 
inside  the  tent. 

When  we  figured  up  and  had  deducted  all  ex- 
penses, we  found   ourselves  six-  Imndred  dollars 


MORE    IIUS'LIXG.  167 

ahead,  which  was  divided  between  us ;  but  I  had 
talked  so  much  that  I  couldn't  speak  above  a 
whisper. 

I  wrote  home  to  my  wife  narrating  my  success 
in  the  show  business  exhibiting  another  man's 
wife  and  children,  and  suggested  that  she  get 
herself  and  the  little  boy  ready  to  start  at  a  mo- 
ment's notice,  as  I  was  liable  to  send  for  them 
very  soon  and  start  a  circus  of  our  own. 

As  I  had  no  particular  taste  for  that  sort  of 
business,  however,  I  thought  it  best  to  quit  while 
T  was  ahead.  Consequently  I  stuck  to  auction- 
eering. 

My  business  increased  so  rapidly  as  to  render 
me  unable  to  do  any  thing  more  with  the  polish, 
for  which  I  was  very  glad.  I  made  several  horse 
and  wagon  trades,  paying  boot  whenever  it  was 
necessary,  as  I  made  it  a  practice  of  always  trad- 
ing for  someting  better,  till  at  last  a  nice  pair  of 
horses  and  carriage  became  my  property,  with 
two  trunks  of  goods. 

I  then  worked  north  through  Michigan,  and 
began  making  regular  street  parades  prior  to 
opening  my  sale.  I  would  drive  around  town 
ringing  an  auction  bell  and  crying : 


-1 68  MORE  HUS'LING. 

"  Auction,  auction  I  Everybody  turn  out 

UPON  THE  STREETS  TO -NIGHT  !     BARGAINS,  BAR- 
GAINS AND  NO  IMPOSITIONS  !" 

My  success  was  almost  invariably  splendid. 

Mr.  Keefer  wrote  me  about  this  time,  that  he 
was  in  need  of  assistance.  His  crops  had  been 
almost  a  total  failure  that  year,  through  which 
he  was  unable  to  meet  the  payments  due  on  a 
piece  of  land  he  had  purchased. 

I  began  an  immediate  search  for  a  buyer  for 
my  horses  and  carriage,  but  without  success,  till 
one  day  an  old  gentleman  bantered  me  to  trade 
the  entire  outfit  for  a  yoke  of  oxen  and  s  tx.-  > 
wheeled  cart,  and  was  somewhat  surprised  when 
I  showed  my  readiness  to  "  swap  "  for  five  hun- 
dred dollars  to  boot. 

He  offered  three  hundred. 

I  fell  to  four. 

He  offered  to  split  the  difference,  and  I  took 
him  up  before  he  had  time  to  draw  another 
breath. 

He  paid  me  three  hundred  and  fifty  dollars,  and 
I  transferred  my  trunks  of  goods  and  other  bag- 
gage to  the  cart.  When  I  did  so  the  old  gentle- 
man and  several  others  began  to  laugh,  and  said 
they  guessed   I'd  have  to  hire  a  teamster,  as  I 


DNiv 


MORE    HUS'LING.        -  I71 

\/ould  find  considerable  difference  between  horses 
and  oxen.  I  told  tliem  of  my  early  boyhood  ex- 
perience in  breaking  steers,  and  to  prove  the  truth 
of  my  assertion,  took  up  the  ox-whip  and  "gee-d" 
them  around  on  the  streets  several  times  before 
starting  out. 

I  remitted  to  Mr.  Keefer,  took  my  seat  in  the 
cart  and  continued  north,  reaching  a  small  vil- 
lage just  at  sundown,  where  I  made  my  usual 
parade,  ringing  the  bell  and  crying  out  for  every- 
body to  come  on  Main  street  and  witness  the 
great  performing  feats  of  trained  oxen.  I  think 
ever^'body  must  have  responded ;  at  any  rate  I 
actually  made  the  best  two  hours'  sale  I  had  ever 
made  in  the  auction  business. 

The  next  day  I  had  a  pair  of  blankets  made  fo/ 
my  team,  and  had  them  lettered,  "  Free  Exhibi 
tion  of  Trained  Oxen  on  the  Streets  this  Even- 
ing." 

On  arriving  at  the  next  town  I  hired  two 
small  boys  each  to  ride  an  ox,  and  ring  a  bell  and 
halloo  at  the  top  of  their  voices,  while  I  stood  up 
between  the  trunks  in  the  cart,  also  yelling  and 
ringing  a  bell. 

We  succeeded  in  getting  every  one  in  town 
out.  and  made  a  grand  sale. 


,  -r2  MORE    HIIS'LING. 

When  about  to  close  for  the  evening,  I  was 
asked  to  give  an  exhibition  of  my  oxen.  I  re- 
plied that  the  oxen  were  there  on  exhibition, 
and  no  charge  would  be  made  to  those  who 
wished  to  look  at  them. 

I  was  asked  what  they  were  trained  to  do. 

I  replied  that  among  other  things  they  were 
trained  to  stand  without  being  hitched  I 

The  fact  had  been  fairly  demonstrated  that  a 
yoke  of  trained  oxen  and  cart  paid  better  than  a 
five-hundred-dollar  team  of  horses  with  a  carriage ; 
but  as  winter  was  coming  on,  I  saw  the  necessity 
of  geting  rid  of  them  as  soon  as  possible,  and 
found  a  lumber-man  who  made  me  an  offer  which 
I  accepted. 

Then  I  began  traveling  by  rail,  and  hiring  a 
livery  team  in  each  town. 

A  few  weeks  later  I  returned  to  Ohio.  On  my 
way  there  I  had  to  change  cars  at  Jonesville, 
Michigan  ;  and  when  I  boarded  the  train  on  the 
Main  Line  I  noticed,  sitting  in  the  second  seat 
fiom  the  front  door,  my  old  friend  the  Clairvoy- 
ant Doctor.  He  looked  as  natural  as  the  day  I 
bade  him  good-bye  at  Pontiac,  and  was  wearing 
the  same  old  silk  hat,  swallow-tailed  coat  and 
plaid  pants.     There  he  sat,  in  his  usual  position, 


MORE    HUS'LING.  I  73 

chin  resting  on  his  gold-headed  cane,  the  plug 
hat  poised  on  the  back  of  his  head,  and  eyes 
staring  vacantly  over  his  gold  spectacles,  which 
as  usual  were  balancing  across  the  end  of  his 
nose. 

My  first  impulse  was  to  grasp  him  by  the 
hand,  but  on  second  thought  I  passed  on  to  the 
third  seat  behind  him,  and  settled  down. 

The  train  was  soon  under  head-way,  and  I  be- 
gan wondering  what  I  could  do  to  have  a  little 
tun  at  his  expense. 

Just  as  I  was  about  to  give  up  the  idea  for  the 
want  of  an  opportunity,  the  train  slackened  up 
at  the  next  station.  As  it  came  to  a  halt  and 
everything  was  quiet,  I  yelled  out  at  the  top  of 
my  voice:  "  Change  cars  for  Pocahontas." 

The  last  word  had  scarcely  left  my  lips  when 

the  old  Doctor  as  quick  as  lightning  jumped  to 

his  feet,  and  turning  routrd  with  the  speed  of  a 

cat,  placed  his  cane  on  his  seat,  and  with  both 

hands  resting  on  top  of  it  and  his  hat  on  the 

back  of  his  head,  gave  a  wild,  searching  look 

over  the  car  with  his  spectacles  still  hanging  on 

the  end  of  his  nose.     I  held  a  newspaper  up  in 

front  of  me  as  if  interested  in  reading.     A  great 

many  people  langhed,  but  of  course  they  could 
39 


174  MORE    HUS'LING. 

not  appreciate  tlie  joke  as  I  could.  Tlie  Doctoi 
then  resumed  his  seat,  when  I  said  in  a  loud  tone 
of  voice : 

"  If  the  majority  of  people  had  more  brains 
(and  less  impecuniosity  they  would  be  better  off 
'in  this  world." 

At  this  the  Doctor  instantly  jumped  to  his  feet 
again  and  cried  out : 

"Johnston,  you red-headed  hyena,  where 

are  you  ?" 

I  then  shook  him  by  the  hand,  and,  after 
quickly  relating  a  part  of  my  experience  since 
leaving  him,  was  informed  that  he  had  located 
in  a  thriving  town  in  Northern  Indiana  and  wa^ 
doing  well,  but  had  abandoned  Clairvoyance. 
As  he  was  on  his  way  to  Toledo  we  had  quite  a 
chat.  I  referred  to  our  late  experience  at  Poca- 
hontas, a  portion  of  which  he  enjoyed  immensely. 

When  we  arrived  at  Toledo  he  said  he  believed 
he  would  eat  his  supper  at  the  lunch-counter  in 
^he  depot.  Having  about  thirty  minutes'  time 
before  my  train  left,  and  being  a  little  hungry 
myself,  besides  wanting  to  prolong  my  visit  with 
the  Doctor,  I  decided  to  keep  him  company.  He 
was  very  hungry  and  ordered  a  cold  roasted  quail 
with  dressing,  cold  boiled  eggs,  biscuit,  buttei 


MORE    HUS'LING.  I  75 

and  coffee ;  while  I  ordered  a  ham  sandwich  and 
coffee. 

He  ate  with  a  relish  and  spoke  several  times 
about  the  quail  being  so  very  jGne,  and  suggested 
ihat  I  try  one. 

I  told  him  I  wasn't  veiy  hungry  and  didn't 
care  for  it. 

When  we  had  about  half  finished  our  meal 
another  gentleman  came  rushing  up  to  the 
counter,  and  noticing  several  nicely  roasted 
whole  quail  ready  to  serve  said : 

'*  Give  me  one  of  those  quail." 

As  the  ^\•aiter  handed  it  over  he  produced  some 
change  and  asked  how  much  it  was. 

"  One  dollar,  sir,"  replied  the  waiter. 

*'  Don't  want  it,  don't  want  it,  sir.  I'll  go  up 
town  and  eat,"  and  off"  he  went. 

"  Great !"  screamed  the  Doctor,  hopping 

about  in  his  customary  frisky,  jumping-jack 
style,  and  dropping  the  piece  of  quail  he  held  in 
his  fingers.     "  I  shouldn't  think  he  would  want 

it.     Why,  Great  Heavens!     Great !     Who 

ever  heard  of  such  a outrage.     Think  of  it, 

Johnston,  a  dollar  for  one  -of  those little 

quail,  and  they  are  liardly  fit  to  eat.  See  here, 
waiter,  do  you  i-hink  T  ^.m   g^oing  to  pay  one  dol- 


I  76  More  hus'ling. 

tar  for  a  quail  ?  I  want  you  to  understand  I  am 
from  Indiana,  and />^«<?ze/ what  quail  are  worth 
by  the  dozen.  Why,  you  infernal  lobbers,  they 
can  be  bought  not  a  hundred  miles  from  here  for 
one  dollar  a  dozen,  and  they  won't  have  been 
dead  three  months,  either.  Gentlemen,  you  have 
struck  the  wrong  man  for  once,  indeed  j'-ou  have. 
I  am  no fool ;  besides " 

"  Yes,"  I  interrupted,  addressing  the  waiter, 
"  besides,  this  gentleman  used  to  wait  on  table 
himself  in  a  hotel  in  Michi^dn,  didn't  you, 
Doctor  ?" 

By  this  time  several  people  had  gathered 
around.  He  looked  somewhat  embarrassed  for  a 
moment,  but  instantly  recovering  himself  and 
striking  the  lunch-counter  with  his  fist,  very  ex- 
citedly cried  out : 

"  No,  sir ;  not  by  a sight  I  don't  have  to 

wait  table ;  and  if  I  did  I'd  not  work  for  a  man 
who  would  dish  up  a  tainted  old  quail  worth 
eight  cents   and  charge  a  dollar  for  it.     Why, 

it,  Johnston,  just  think  of   it — a  dollar  a 

dozen  in  Indiana  and  a  dollar  apiece  here." 

"  But,  Doctor,  go  on  and  finish  your  meal. 
You  seemed  to  be  enjo3ang  it  a  little  while  ago, 
and  spoke  of  the  quail  being  very  nice ;    and   I 


MORE    IIUS'LING.  l  -j^ 

«m  certain  you  haven^t  more  than  half  finished. 
Go  ahead  and  eat" 

"  Oh,  eat  be  !     I'm  not  hungry,  and  if  I 

^weie  I'd  eat  something  besides  quail,  at  twelve 

^dollars  a  dozen.     Good !     If  a  quail  comes 

to  a  dollar  what  in  nation  do  you  suppose 

they'll  charge  for  a  full  meal  ?    It's robbery, 

and  I'll  not  be  robbed  by  them.  I'll  go  down 
town  and  eat,  as  that  other  man  did." 

"  But,  Doctor,  what  are  you  going  to  do  ?  You 
have  eaten  about  half  of  that  quail,  and  I  can't 
see  how  you  expect  to  fix  it." 

"  Well,  if  quail  are  in  such  great  demand  as  to 
be  worth  a  dollar  apiece,  they  will  surely  have 
use  for  any  part  of  one,  and  if  they  wish  to  take 
back  what  I  have  not  eaten,  and  give  me  credit 
for  it,  I'll  settle  for  the  balance.     Otherwise  I'll 

stand  a  law-suit;  for,  it,  Johnston,  I  tell 

you  I  can  buy  them  by  the  car-load  in  Indiana 
for  one  dollar  a " 

"  All  aboard  going  east  I  "  shouted  the  conduc* 
tor,  and,  quickly  settling  my  bill  and  bidding  the 
Doctor  good-bye,  I  left  him  and  the  waiter  to  set- 
tle the  quail  questioa. 


J  78  MORE    HUS'LING. 


CHAPTER  XXVin. 

(ft.  CO-PARTNERSHIP  FORMED    IN    THE    AUCTION    BUSI- 
NESS— HOW   IT    ENDED A    NEW    FRIEND HI3 

GENEROSITY EXHIBITING  A  TALKING  MACHINE 

— IT     FAILED    TO    TALK HOW    I    ENTERTAINED 

THE  AUDIENCE-^ — IN   THE  ROLE  OF  A  PHRENOL- 
OGIST. 

On  my  return  home  I  met  an  old  acquaintance 
who  had  just  sold  out  his  grocery  and  was  anx- 
ious to  invest  with  me  in  the  auction  business. 
We  very  soon  formed  a  co-partnership,  he  fur- 
nishing one  thousand  dollars  and  I  five  hundred. 

We  opened  at  Upper  Sandusky,  in  a  store 
room,  with  a  stock  of  notions,  hosiery  and 
underwear,  but  from  the  very  first  began  losing 
money.  The  roads  were  very  muddy,  and  it 
rained  day  in  and  day  out.  The  weather  was 
warm  and  there  was  no  demand  for  our  goods. 
We  moved  from  one  town  to  another  with  but 
poor  success,  hoping  for  cold  weather  and  a  de- 
mand for  SOX  and  underwear.  However,  "  luck," 
as  we  called  it,  was  against  us,  and  when  spring 


MORE    IIUSLING.  I  79 

iame  we  invoiced  and  found  ourselves  with  about 
«ix  hundred  dollars'  worth  of  stock  on  hand. 

I  then  made  clear  to  iiim  that  at  the  rate  we 
had  been  losing  money,  we  would  probably  have 
about  five  hundred  dollars  cash  after  winding  up 
provided  we  commenced  at  once  and  sold  out  as 
soon  as  possible.  I  suggested  that  we  do  so, 
and  1  would  turn  that  amount  over  to  him,  which 
would  leave  us  each  just  five  hundred  dollars 
out  of  pocket  for  the  winter's  work. 

Hank  said  he  was  perfectly  satisfied,  and  I 
should  go  on  and  close  out,  and  he  would  go 
home  and  attend  to  other  business. 

I  worked  into  Indiana,  and  succeeded  in  fin- 
ishing just  about  as  we  had  figured  on,  for 
after  sending  him  the  last  remittance  to  make 
up  the  five  hundred  dollars,  I  had  about  four  dol- 
lars in  cash  and  an  old  trunk  left. 

£)lkhart,  Indiana,  was  the  town  I  closed  out  in, 
and  while  stopping  there  at  the  hotel  I  became 
acquainted  with  a  physician  and  surgeon  from 
Chicago,  Dr.  S.  W.  Ingraham,  whose  office  is  now 
on  South  Clark  Street 

He  had  been  called  there  to  perform  a  surgical 
operation,  and  being  obliged  to  spend  an  hour  or 
^wo  111   the  hotel  office  before  taking  a  return 


l8o  MORE   HUS'LING. 

train,  lie  became  an  interested  listener  to  several 
stories  told  by  a  couple  of  drammers  and  myself. 
He  finally  told  one  or  two  wbicli  convinced  us 
that  we  bad  struck  an  old-timer.  After  we  bad 
related  some  personal  experiences  I  learned,  to 
my  great  deligbt,  that  the  Doctor's  experience 
bad  been  almost  as  varied  as  my  own.  He  began 
by  relating  the  different  kinds  of  business  be 
bad  engaged  in  while  a  young  man ;  but  he  was 
unable  to  mention  a  single  thing  that  I  hadn't 
embarked  in  and  of  which  I  could  show  up  a 
smattering  of  knowledge. 

Finally  he  said : 

"  Now,  Johnston,  I  am  going  to  head  you  off 
right  here." 

"  What  is  it,  Doctor?  I  am  anxious  to  know 
what  it  is." 

"Well  sir,  I'll  bet  you  never  made  a  political 
speech,  and  I  stumped  Ohio  during  one  cam- 
paign and  made  one  speech  a  night  for  ten  con- 
secutive weeks." 

"  I  can  beat  that.  I  stumped  Ohio  for  Hayes 
and  Tilden,  and  made  two  speeches  on  the  same 
platform  for  one  consecutive  night." 

"  But  how  could  you  speak  for  Hayes  and 
rilden?  One  was  a  Democrat  and  the  other  a 
Ropnblicaii." 


MORE    IIUS'LING.  l8l 

"  No  matter,  I  did  it  anybov  ,  and  all  in  the 
same  speech,  too." 

And  to  prove  the  correctr  ^si  'f  my  statement, 
as  the  Doctor  seemed  a  little  incredulous,  I 
jumped  to  my  feet  and  delivered  a  part  of  my 
Republican  speech  and  the:  i  a  part  of  the  Dem- 
ocratic, and  then  headed  hii.  i  off  by  relating  my 
experience  running  a  fruit  atanJ,  the  three  days 
with  a  side-show,  besides  one  or  two  other  ven- 
tures. When  I  told  him  I  was  an  auctioneer  he 
at  once  became  interested  in  me,  as  he  had  been 
one  himself  in  his  younger  da3^s.  I  quickly  satis- 
fied him  that  I  could  sell  at  auction,  and  he  like- 
wise convinced  me  that  he  "  had  been  there."  I 
then  narrated  the  ups  and  downs  I  had  had,  and 
showed  up  ni}'-  books  for  the  winter's  losses,  and. 
how  I  had  just  sent  my  late  partner  about  all 
the  money  I  had.  He  asked  my  plans  for  the 
future.  I  told  him  about  my  furniture  polish, 
and  that  it  was  alwa3\s  a  sure  thing.  He  listened 
attentivel}'',  and  after  a  moment's  reflection  said  ; 

"  But  the  time  of  year  is  just  coming  when 
you  could  make  money  fast  if  you  had  a  nice 
auction  stock." 

"  I  know  that ;  and  another  thing  I  know  is 
just  liow  to  do  it  now,  as  I  have  paid  well  for  my 
experience  '* 


1 82  MORE    HUS'LING. 

"  Well,"  said  the  Doctor,  surprising  me  as  he 
reached  down  into  his  pocket  and  produced  a 
roll  of  bills,  "  I  am  going  to  loan  you  one  hun- 
dred dollars,  and  I  know  you  will  ray  it  back 
before  three  months." 

I  thanked  him,  but  tcld  him  fifty  dollars  would 
answer,  as  I  could  get  along  nicel}^  and  would 
prefer  to  commence  as  low  down  as  I  dared.  He 
insisted  that  a  hundred  would  be  none  too  much, 
but  I  declined  to  accept  more  than  fifty,  and 
immediately  sent  to  Chicago  for  a  stock  of  just 
such  goods  as  I  felt  certain  would  sell  well  and 
not  be  too  bulky. 

I  assured  the  Doctor  that  if  I  were  successful 
I  would  pay  him  back,  and  if  I  was  not  I  would 
never  cross  the  street  to  shun  him  when  I  cara( 
to  Chicago,  but  would  surely  call  on  him  and 
acknowledge  the  debt,  anyhow. 

I  had  heard  and  read  of  men  like  Doctot 
Ingraham,  but  he  was  the  first  of  his  kind  thai;  I 
had  ever  metj  and  realizing  tbat  such  friend- 
ship could  not  be  valued  too  iiighly,  I  deter- 
mined to  not  onl}'-  repay  him,  but  to  let  him  have 
the  satisfaction  of  knowing  sooner  or  later  thai 
the  start  he  gave  me  had  developed  into  some- 
tbing  of  consequence. 


MORE    HUS'LING.  1 8 


J 


After  lie  bade  me  farewell  and  started  for 
home,  I  was  at  a  loss  to  know  what  to  do  while 
waiting  for  my  goods,  and  had  almost  concluded 
to  have  a  few  bottles  of  polish  made  up  with 
which  to  make  a  few  dollars,  when  a  young  man 
appeared  at  the  hotel  with  a  very  peculiar-look- 
ing cylindrical  instrument  in  a  box.  I  was 
curious  to  know  what  it  was,  and  as  he  looked 
rather  tired  and  sorry,  I  ventured  to  inquire  what 
he  had  in  there.     He  answered: 

"  Oh,  it's  nothing  but  a  '  talking  machine.'  " 

I  was  fairly  dumfounded,  and  thought  perhaps 
he  was  casting  a  slur,  as  I  had  been  doing  con- 
siderable talking.  At  any  rate  I  felt  that 
whether  he  was  telling  the  truth  or  not,  I  had  a 
right  to  take  exceptions. 

If  he  had  meant  to  slur  me,  I  would  be  in- 
sulted. 

If  he  had  told  the  truth,  I  had  a  right  to 
oppose  unfair  competition. 

I  then  demanded  an  explanation,  and  assured 
him  that  I  did  nothing  else  but  talk,  and  consid- 
ered I  had  a  perfect  right  to  investigate  any  sort 
of  a  machine  that  would  be  at  all  likely  to  mo- 
nopolize the  business. 

He  then  took  the  cover  oF  the  box  and  showed 


184  MuRE    HUs'Li.XG. 

rae  an  Edison  plionograpli,  which  he  had  gotten 
in  exchange  for  a  horse.  He  had  come  on  there 
expecting  to  meet  his  cousin,  who  was  to  furnish 
the  money,  and  they  were  going  to  travel  and 
exhibit  it. 

I  asked  him  to  "  set  'er  going "  and  let  me 
hear  it  spout  an  hour  or  two.  He  said  it  would 
take  several  minutes  to  arrange  it,  besides  he 
didn't  like  to  use  up  any  more  tin  foil  than  was 
necessary,  as  he  hadn't  much  on  hand. 

I  asked  him  what  he  thought  of  doing.  He 
said  he  didn't  know,  but  guessed  he'd  go  back 
home  if  his  cousin  didn't  come. 

*'  Why  can't  you  and  I  give  an  exhibition  ?  "  I 
asked. 

"  Where  will  we  give  it  ?  " 

"  Suppose  we  go  to  some  country  school-house 
a  few  miles  out  and  give  a  show  to-morrow  even- 
ing?" -  - 

"  All  right,  I'm  willing.  I  have  plenty  of 
small  hand-bills." 

"'  Then  we'll  hire  a  team  to-mon-ow  morning 
and  drive  out  to  some  thickly-settled  neighbor 
hood  and  advertise  it.  You're  sure  it'll  talk,  an 
you?" 

''Talk?     You  bet  it'll  tnik'" 


MORE    HUS'LING.  185 

The  next  morning  we  were  up  and  ready  for 
business,  and,  after  hiring  a  horse  and  wagon, 
started  out. 

After  driving  several  miles,  we  found  a  place 
where  we  thought  it  would  pay  to  stop,  and  upon 
inquiring  for  the  school  directors,  were  referred 
to  a  farmer  living  near  by. 

We  called  on  him,  and  after  stating  our  busi- 
ness and  promising  himself  and  family  passes, 
were  given  an  order  on  the  school-teacher  for  the 
key,  when  she  had  locked  up  for  the  day.  We 
drove  directly  there,  where  we  found  nearly  forty 
scholars  in  attendance. 

After  making  the  teacher's  acquaintance  and 
explaining  our  business,  she  gave  us  permission 
to  deliver  a  circular  to  each  one  present,  and  to 
make  an  announcement. 

This  I  managed  to  do,  and  stated  to  them  that 
if  I  had  time  after  the  performance  with  the 
talking  machine,  I  would  deliver  a  lecture  on 
Telegraphy,  and  explain  the  manner  of  sending 
messages,  and  how  batteries  were  made,  and  how 
long  it  would  take  a  message  to  travel  from  New 
York  to  San  Francisco. 

My  idea,  of  course,  was  to  represent  as  much 
of  an  attraction  as  possible,  as  I  felt  certain  thai 


I  86  MORE   HUS'LING. 

if  we  ever  got  them  there,  and  got  the  macliine 
to  talking  once,  they  would  forget  all  about  Teleg 
raphy. 

On  our  way  out  my  partner  had  drilled  me  on 
what  to  say  to  the  Phonograph  in  order  to  have 
the  words  reproduced  distinctly.  He  said  it  was 
necessary  to  use  a  certain  set  of  words  that  I 
could  speak  very  distinctly,  and  that  would  be 
penetrating,  and  recommended  the  following : 

"  Dickery-dickery-dock, 
The-mouse-ran-up-the-clock, 
The-clock-struck-one, 
Ahd  the-mouse-ran-down. 
Dickery-dickery-dock." 

After  making  arrangements  at  this  school- 
house,  we  started  out  and  visited  two  other  dis- 
tricts and  advertised  our  performance.  The  re- 
sult was  that  people  came  from  all  directions,*  in 
carriage  and  wagon  loads.  They  had  all  heard 
or  read  of  Edison's  talking  machine,  and  were 
anxious  to  see  and  hear  it. 

The  house  was  packed,  and  we  took  in  over 
forty  dollars  at  the  door. 

At  eight  o'clock  I  announced  everything  ready 
for  the  exhibition,  and  requested  ail  to  remain  as 
quiet  as  possible  throughout  the  performance. 

Of  course  I  was  as  ignorant  of  the  manner  of 


MORE    HUSLING.  187 

manipulating  the  talking  machine  as  any  one  of 
the  audience. 

I  didn't  know  whether  the  thing  had  to  be 
"  blowed  up"  or  "wound  up,"  and  was  obliged  to 
leave  it  all  with  my  partner,  who  seemed  per- 
fectly confidlent  of  its  success. 

After  arranging  the  tin  foil  he  took  hold  of  the 
crank,  began  turning,  and  instructed  me  to  place 
my  mouth  over  the  instrument  and  speak  my 
little  piece  about  the  mouse  and  clock.  After 
finishing,  I  stepped  back  to  await  results. 

He  turned  the  crank,  and  the  thing  gave  just, 
one  unearthly,  agonizing  groan  and,  I  imagined, 
rolled  its  eyes  back,  and  gasping  for  breath,  died 
a  natural  death. 

The  audience  showed  a  look  of  disappoint- 
ment. I  endeavored  to  convince  them  by  my 
careless,  indifferent  manner  that  it  was  only  a 
common  occurrence,  and  that  all  would  soon  be 
right. 

My  partner  tried  to  laugh  it  off  and  make  be- 
lieve it  was  a  good  joke,  but  I  noticed  very 
quickly  large  drops  of  perspiration  standing  on 
his  forehead  as  he  busied  himself  in  trying  to  fix 
the  machine. 

At  last  he  was  ready  to  try  it  again,  and  in* 


1 88  MORE    IIUS'LING. 

Rtrticted  me  to  speak  louder  and  more  distinctl^^ 
ihati  I  did  "before.  I  was  determined  that  •' 
should  not  lay  the  tlame  to  me  for  not  talking 
loud  enough,  and  therefore  used  all  the  strength 
and  power  of  lungs  and  voice  that  I  could  0011- 
juand.  The  result  was  less  satisfactory  than 
before,  for  not  p  sound  could  v/e  get  from  it. 

The  audience  began  to  show  impatience,  and 
from  different  words  and  expressions  that  came 
from  them  we  were  convinced  that  they  were  not 
going  to  submit  easily  to  anything  but  an  exlii- 
bition  of  some  kind. 

By  this  time  my  partner  Had  taken  oif  his 
Coat  and  vest,  although  it  was  really  cold  enough 
for  an  overcoat,  and  the  perspiration  was  fairly 
drippiug  from  him.  He  was  much  excited  and  1 
wasn't  feeling  any  too  ga}^  myself. 

We  began  working  on  the  machine  together, 
which  gave  us  a  chance  to  converse  in  an  under- 
tone. I  asked  if  he  had  ever  tried  to  run  it  be 
fore.  He  said  no,  but  he  was  certain  he  knew 
how, 

I  told  him  it  really  looked  as  though  he  must 
have  boarded  and  roomed  with  Edison  when  he 
conceived  the  idea  of  making  the  thing. 

"  Are  you  positively  certain  it  ever  did  talk  ?  ' 


MORE    HUS'LING.  IQI 

"  I  know  it  has  talked." 

"  Did  you  ever  hear  it  ?  " 

"  No,  but  my  cousin  did." 

"  Great  Scott,  man !  you  don't  know  whether 
this  is  a  Phonograph  or  a  washing-machine ;  and 
I  am  certain  it  looks  more  like  the  latter.  What 
are  we  going  to  do  ?  " 

He  said  he  guessed  we'd  better  give  back  the 
money  and  let  them  go. 

"  Yes,  that  would  be  a  bright  thing !  Do  you 
^appose  I'd  give  back  this  money?    Not  much." 

"Well,  but  we'll  have  to.    What  can  we  do  ?  " 

"  What  can  we*do  ?  Well  sir,  we've  got  to  do 
something  to  entertain  these  people  and  hold 
their  money,  if  you  and  I  have  to  give  them  a 
double  song  and  dance." 

"  My  gracious,  Johnston,  i  can't  dance  !  " 

"  But  you  have  got  to  dance.  I  can't  dance 
either,  but  this  is  a  *  ground-hog  case,'  and  we've 
got  to  dance  and  sing  too." 

"I  guess  I'll  announce  to  them  that  you  will 
favor  them  with  a  song  and  single  clog,  and  ther? 
we  will  appear  together." 

As  I  stepped  to  the  table  I  heard  him  say : 

"  I'll  take  my  hat  and  run  I  " 

Then,  stepping  to  the  front;  I  said : 


192  MORE    HUS'LIXG. 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen,  I  liope  you  will  be 
patient  with  us  a  few  moments.  Tlie  trouble  is 
j  ust  this :  We  brought  the  Phonograph  over 
here  in  an  open  wagon,  and  as  the  weather  has 
been  cold  and  damp,  and  we  forgot  to  keep  the 
thing  blanketed,  it  took  a  severe  cold,  \yhich 
seems  to  have  settled  on  its  lungs,  rendering 
it  iinable  to  speak  above  a  whisper.  But  with 
your  kind  indulgence  we  hope  to  doctor  it  up 
and  be  ready  to  give  you  a  nice  exhibition  in  a 
few  moments." 

Of  course  I  expected  our  audience  to  laugh  at 
and  ridicule  the  idea  of  its  taking  cold,  and  was 
surprised  that  not  a  single  person  cracked  a 
smile,  but,  on  the  contrary,  every  one  seemed  to 
gaze  at  the  instrument  with  a  look  of  S3''mpathy. 

When  I  returned  to  my  partner,  who  was  still 
trying  to  fix  it,  he  was  nervous  and  showed  much 
agitation,  and  said : 

"  Oh,  what  a  relief  I  w^ould  ha^^e  sunk 
through  the  floor  if  you  had  announced  what 
you  said  you  were  going  to." 

"  Do  you  think  you  can  fix  it  ?  " 

"  It  don't  look  like  it.  Say,  Johnston,  suppose 
you  deliver  that  lecture  on  Photography  ?  " 

**  On  Telegraphy,  3?'ou  mean." 


MORE    HUS'LING.  I93 

''  Oh  yes,  Telegraphy.     Go  ahead." 

"  But  it  won't  take  three  minutes  to  tell  all  I 
know  about  that." 

"  Well  then,  by  Jove,  we've  got  to  give  back 
the  money." 

"  Not  much  !  No  giving  back  the  money  with 
me  ;  and  as  I  sold  the  tickets  and  have  the  cash, 
you  can  rely  on  that.  You  have  got  to  do  some- 
thing to  entertain  these  people.  You  can  sing 
can't  you  ?  " 

"Indeed  I  can  not." 

"  Can  you  whistle  ?  " 

"  No,  sir." 

"  Can  you  do  anything  ?  Can  you  speak  a 
piece  ?  " 

Johnston,  if  my  life  was  at  stake  I  couldn't 
do  a  thing !  the  old  talking  machine  any- 
how !     I  wish —  " 

"Say,  I'll  tell  you  what  we'll  do.  I'll  an- 
nounce to  them  that  the  Phonograph  is  too  sick 
to  talk,  and  will  give  them  a  choice  of  three 
things  :  Either  a  lecture  on  Phrenology  or  Te- 
legraphy, or  an  imitation  of  a  Yankee  peddler 
selling  his  wares  at  auction  ;  and  the  moment  I 
say '  auction '  you  look  up  and  begin  to  laugh  and 
clao  your  hands  and  say,  '  Johnston,  give  then? 
the. Yankee  peddler  ;  that's  Ul^best  of  all.'  " 


T94  MORE    HUS'LTNPt. 

He  agreed,  and  when  I  made  the  announce- 
ment 'he  had^  no  sooner  carried  out  my  instruc- 
tions than  the  whole  house  cried  as  with  one 
voice : 

"  Yes,  yes,  give  us  the  Yankee  peddler !  " 

Then  I  felt  relieved  and  knew  we  had  them, 
I  then  explained  that  Yankee  peddlers  usually 
carried  handkerchiefs,  sox,  hosiery,  shears,  shoe- 
laces, suspenders,  soap,  pencils,  pins,  razors, 
knives,  etc.,  and  if  some  one  of  the  crowd  would 
name  any  article,  I  would  go  through  the 
formality  of  selling  it  on  the  down  east  Dutch 
auction  style. 

A  lad  sitting  near  me  on  a  front  seat  cried 
out: 

"  Here,  Mister,  play  you  are  selling  my  knife," 
and  reaching  out  and  taking  it  in  my  hand,  after 
making  a  few  preliminary  remarks,  I  began  with 
the  twang  of  the  almost  extinct  down  east 
Yankee,  and  in  a  high-pitched  voice  and  at  light- 
ning speed,  rattled  off: 

"  Now,  ladies  and  gentlemen,  the  first  article 
I  am  going  to  offer  for  your  inspection  is  a  fine 
silver-steel  blade  knife  with  a  mother-of-pearl 
handle,  brass  lined,  round-joint  tapped  and  riv- 
eted   tip  top  and  bottom    a  knife    made    under 


MORE    HUS'LING.  195 

an  act  of  Congress  at  the  rate  of  thirty-six  dol- 
lars per  dozen  there  is  a  blade  for  every  day 
in  the  week  and  a  handle  for  your  wife  to  play 
with  on  Sunday  it  will  cut  cast-iron  steam 
steel  wind  or  bone  and  will  stick  a  hog  frog 
toad  or  the  devil  and  has  a  spring  on  it  like  a 
mule's  hind  leg  and  sells  in  the  regular  way 
for—" 

I  then  went  on  with  my  usual  plan  of  selling, 
and  introduced  the  endless  variety  of  sayings 
and  jokes  which  I  had  been  two  years  manufact- 
uring and  collecting,  and  then  went  on  through 
the  whole  list  of  Yankee  notions,  giving  my  full 
description  of  everything,  to  the  great  satisfac- 
tion of  my  audience  and  the  surprise  of  my  part- 
ner, who  was  in  ignorance  of  the  fact  of  my  evei 
having  been  in  the  auction  business. 

I  kept  this  up  for  over  two  hours  and  kept  the 
crowd  laughing  almost  constantly.  This,  I  con- 
sidered, was  about  as  much  as  any  show  could 
do,  and  felt  that  I  was  not  only  entitled  to  their 
money,  but  that  I  had  struck  quite  a  novel  way 
of  utilizing  my  knowledge  of  auctioneering. 

After  closing  the  entertainment  the  people 
gathered  around,  and  many  of  them  wanted  me 
to  stay  in  the  neighborhood  and  deliver  a  lecture 


196  MORE   HUS'LING. 

the  next  night  on  Phrenology.      But  as  we  were 

billed  at  Elkhart  for  that  date,  it  was  impossible 
to  do  so.  We  remained  over  night  with  the 
school  director,  and  the  next  morning  he  re- 
quested me  to  delineate  the  character  of  his  sou 
by  an  examination  of  his  head. 

I  had  always  been  interested  in  the  study  of 
human  nature,  and  consequently  had  taken  con- 
siderable pains  to  read  up  and~  post  myself  od 
Physiognomy.  I  had  a  fair  knowledge  of  tem- 
peraments, and  altogether  was  enabled  to  pass 
fair  judgment  on  the  lad.  While  I  hadn't  the 
slightest  knowledge  of  Phrenology,  I  was  more 
or  less  familiar  with  the  terms  used  by  them, 
such  as  benevolence,  veneration,  finnness,  self- 
esteem,  approbativeness,  caution,  combativeness, 
ideality,  etc.,  etc.,  and  began  at  once  to  delineate 
the  boy's  character. 

When  I  placed  my  fingers  on  the  front  part  of 
the  boy's  head  and  looked  wise,  saying  "  large 
combativeness,"  the  father  said  : 

"  Great  Caesar !  do  you  locate  combativeness 
in  the  front  of  the  head  ?  -' 

"  Who  in  thunder  said  it  was  in  the  front  qJ 
the  head  ?  " 

"  But  you  put  your  fingers  on  the  front  par* 
of  the  head/' 


MORE    HUS'LING.  1 97 

••  Yes,  possibly  so,  but  if  I  did  my  thumb  was 
At  the  same  time  resting  on  the  bump  of  com- 
bativeness.     My  gracious,  any  on^.  knows  where    , 
that  is  I  " 

This  satisfied  him,  and  the  whole  family  were 
delighted  with  the  boy's  prospects  when  I  had 
finished. 

We  were  then  ready  to  leave,  and  when  I 
asked  how  much  our  bill  would  be,  he  said  he 
guessed  two  dollars  would  be  about  right,  and 
then  inquired  what  my  charges  would  be  for  ex- 
amining the  boy's  head.  I  told  him  two  dollars 
and  a  half  was  the  usual  price,  but  we'd  call  it 
square  on  our  board  bill.  He  said  he  thought  it 
would  be  about  right  to  call  it  even. 

My  partner  thought  it  the  most  wonderful 
thing  he  had  ever  heard  of  that  I  should  be  able 
to  j  ump  up  before  that  large  crowd  of  people,  as 
I  did  the  night  before,  and  conjure  up  such  a  lot 
of  talk  on  notions,  and  he  couldn't  see  how  I  did 
it.     He  said  he  believed  I  was  inspired. 

On  our  return  to  Elkhart  we  divided  our 
cash  and  dissolved  partnership. 


MORE    HUS'LING. 


CHAPTER  XXIX. 

IN  THE  AUCTION  BUSINESS  AGAIN — A  NE\S  CONVEY- 
ANCE FOR  STREET  SALES — MY  TRIP  THROUGH 
THE  LUMBER  REGIONS — A  SUCCESSFUL  SUMMER 
CAMPAIGN —  A  WINTER'S  TRIP  THROUGH  THE 
SOUTH — MY  RETURN  TO  GRAND  RAPIDS,  MICH. 
»-A  TRIP  TO  LAKE  SUPERIOR — SELLING  NEEDLES 
AS  A  SIDE  ISSUE — HOW  I  DID  IT — STATE  LICENSE 
DEMANDED  BY  AN  OFFICER — HOW  I  TURNED 
THE  TABLES  ON  HIM — BUYING  OUT  A  COUNTRY 
STORE — ^A  GREAT  SALE  OF  PAPER-CAMBRIC  DRESS 
PATTERNS — A  COMPROMISE  WITH  THE  BUYERS 
—MY  RETURN  TO  CHICAGO — FLUSH  AND  FLYING 
HIGH. 

As  my  goods  had  arrived  at  Elkart,  I  started 
out  immediately,  selling  from  a  trunk,  and  met 
with  splendid  success.  I  concluded  to  make  a 
trip  north,  through  the  lumber  country.  As  my 
facilities  were  going  to  be  poor  for  hiring  livery 
teams  in  the  majority  of  those  towns,  with  which 


UNlVbKSlTY  OF  ilUNUiS 
UR8ANA 


MORE    MUS'UING.  20T 

to  diive  out  upon  the  streets  to  make  a  sale,  I 
began  trying  to  invent  something  to  take  with 
me  on  which  to  put  my  trunks  when  selling. 

One  day  I  saw  a  gentleman  pushing  a  two- 
wheeled  cart,  and  it  occurred  to  me  that  I  could 
put  end-boards  on  it,  and  after  placing  a  trunk 
on  each  end  I  could  stand  up  very  nicely  in  the 
center,  which  would  bring  me  at  just  about  the 
proper  height  above  my  audience. 

Acting  accordingly,  I  bought  the  cart,  and  af- 
ter having  the  end-boards  put  on  and  a  standard 
made  to  fasten  at  the  rear  end  of  the  box  to  keep 
the  thing  from  tipping  backward,  I  bought  an- 
other trunk  and  made  "  a  pitch  "  with  it. 

It  was  just  the  thing.  I  could  give  the  bag- 
gage-men on  the  trains  from  twenty-five  to  fifty 
cents  each  time  I  made  a  trip  and  when  I  arrived 
at  my  destination  it  would  be  thrown  off  with 
my  trunks.  I  was  there-after  troubled  no  more 
with  the  annoyance  of  procuing  a  suitable  con- 
veyance to  sell  from. 

I  traveled  through  the  lumber  country  in 
Michigan  and  very  soon  remitted  my  new  friend. 
Doctor  Ingraham,  the  full  amount  of  my  indebt- 
edness, and  explained  to  him  my  new  plan  which 
was  saving  me  lots  of  money  in  livery  hirt. 


202  MORE   HirS'LING. 

His  reply,  acknowledging  tlie  receipt  of  *Jie 
money,  did  me  more  good  than  the  making  of  a 
small  fortune  would  have  done.  He  assured  me 
that  if  I  ever  needed  assistance  I  could  always 
depend  on  him,  as  he  liked  a  good  "  hus'ler  "  and 
liked  to  favor  them  all  he  could,  when  he  knew 
they  were  square. 

My  wife  joined  me  a  few  weeks  later,  leaving 
little  Frankie  with  my  mother.  She  traveled 
with  me  all  summer  and  business  kept  fairly 
good.  We  continued  on  till  fall,  when  she  re- 
turned to  Ohio  and  I  went  South  to  the  climate 
my  mother  had  previously  recommended  as 
adapted  to  straw  hats  and  linen  dusters. 

I  remained  there  during  the  winter,  meeting 
with  fair  success,  and  returned  to  Grand  Rapids, 
Michigan,  where  I  remained  a  few  weeks. 

On  May  first  my  wife  met  me  there,  when  we 
started  on  a  trip  to  the  Lake  Superior  country, 
visiting  all  the  mining  towns  and  meeting  with 
unusually  good  success. 

During  the  entire  trip  I  paid  all  our  traveling 
expenses  with  the  sale  of  needles.  This  I  man- 
aged by  employing  four  small  boys  each  day  in 
every  town  to  peddle  them  for  me.  I  put  the 
needles  up   in   twenty-five  cent  packages,  and 


morf:  hus'ling.  20; 

gave  each  boy  five  cents  commission  ptr  pack- 
age on  his  sales,  and  always  made  it  a  p')int  to 
select  not  more  than  one  boy  from  any  partic- 
ular neighborhood  or  locality,  and  instructed  him 
to  call  on  every  relative  and  neighbor  he  had, 
and  if  possible  make  a  sale ;  and  for  every  ex*ra 
day  I  remained  in  town  I  would  employ  a  new 
set  of  boys.  In  this  way  I  managed  to  reach 
almost  every  house  in  every  town  I  visited,  and 
although  my  time  was  almost  wholly  occupied 
in  keeping  my  auction  stock  in  shape,  I  was  able 
to  manage  this  little  scheme  so  as  to  net  me  a 
regular  profit  of  from  three  to  ten  dollars  per 
day. 

I  still  kept  my  two-wheeled  cart,  which  I  could 
hardly  have  dispensed  with  in  a  country  where 
horses  and  carriages  were  scarce.  We  pushed 
our  way  toward  the  north,  with  but  few  incidents 
worthy  of  mention. 

At  Sault  St.  Marie  we  were  obliged  to  remain 
five  days  before  getting  a  boat  to  Marquette,  and 
the  first  night  I  opened  my  sale  there  was  called 
upon  by  an  officer  who  demanded  a  State  license. 
This  was  the  first  time  I  had  ever  been  asked  for 
State  license,  and  the  first  intimation  I  had  ever 
had  that  there  was  a  law  requiring  it.  But  as  Gov- 


204  MORE    HUS'LING. 

t^rnor  Crosswell  and  staff  were  then  visiting  the 
town  and  were  at  that  moment  sitting  on  the 
porch  of  the  hotel  witnessing  my  sale,  it  instantly 
occurred  to  me  that  the  gentleman  was  making 
himself  over-officious,  with  a  view  to  making  a 
favorable  impression  upon  the  State  officials. 

And  as  he  showed  considerable  awkwardness 
in  demanding  a  license  by  inquiring  if  I  had 
State  license  to  sell,  I  quickly  "  sized  him  up  " 
and  said : 

"  No  sir,  I  have  no  license  to  sell,  but  I  have 
soap  and  fine  tooth  combs  for  sale,  and  the  Lord 
knows  you  need  them  more  than  you  do  a  li- 


cense." 


He  appeared  considerably  offended  and  dis- 
playing his  star  said : 

"  I  demand  your  license,  sir  I  " 

"  Do  you  understand  the  laws  regarding  your 
duty  as  an  officer  ?  " 

"  I  think  I  do,  sir." 

■'  Then,  sir,  you  know  you  have  no  right,  un- 
der the  law,  to  ask  me  for  a  license.  Your  only 
course  is  to  make  inquiries  of  the  Secretary  of 
State,  and  as  that  official  is  sitting  right  there  on 
rhe  porch,  not  more  than  twenty  feet  from  here, 
I'll  refer  you  to  him :  but  unless  you  are  pre 


MORE    HUS'LING.  205 

pared  to  pay  damages  don't  you  interrupt  me 
again,  for  I  want  you  to  distinctly  understand 
that  my  license  entitles  me  to  the  privilege  of 
doing  all  the  talking  there  is  done  here  to-night, 
and  I  propose  to  do  it.  If  you  have  anything  to 
say,  you  must  go  outside  the  corporation." 

I  resumed  business  immediately,  when  I  heard 
the  officer  say  (as  he  passed  out,  amid  the  hisses 
and  laughter  of  my  audience)  : 

"  I'll  see  a  lawyer  about  this." 

The  next  day  I  interviewed  the  Governor  and 
the  State  Secretary  and  Treasurer,  and  was  in- 
formed that  there  was  a  law  requiring  the  pay- 
ment of  fifteen  dollars  per  annum  for  State  li- 
cense. 

I  prevailed  upon  them  to  allow  me  to  pay  the 
amount  to  them  and  receive  a  receipt  for  it  to 
show  I  had  acted  in  good  faith,  and  they  were  to 
forward  my  license  to  me  at  Marquette. 

The  next  night,  just  as  I  had  gotten  nicely 
started  with  my  sale,  the  same  officer  came  up 
again  and  demanded  my  license,  saying  he  had 
spent  some  time  with  a  good  lawyer  in  looking 
up  the  law,  and  he  knew  it  was  his  duty  to  de- 
mand a  license  of  me  direct.     I  said  : 

"  Well,  if  you'll  jump  up  here  and  hand  out 


206  MORE    HUS'LING. 

these  boxes  of  soap,  so  as  not  to  interfere  witb 
my  sale,  I'll  go  inside  and  get  my  license." 

He  a^eed,  and  climbed  into  the  cart,  when  I 
stepped  back  in  the  crowd  and  began  urging  ev- 
ery one  about  me  to  patronize  him  as  much  as 
possible,  and  explained  to  them  that  I  intended 
to  stay  away  and  let  him  worry  it  out  till  he  got 
tired.  He  made  several  sales  and  then  began  to 
look  anxious  and  silly.  I  still  kept  in  the  back- 
ground and  he  sent  a  boy  into  the  hotel  to  learn 
my  whereabouts.  The  lad  returned  with  the  in- 
formation that  I  had  not  been  there  since  1 
opened  my  sale. 

After  the  crowd  had  laughed  at  him  and  the 
small  boys  had  "  guyed  "  him  till  he  was  ready 
to  quit,  I  stepped  up  briskl}^  and  said  : 

"  Mister,  have  you  got  either  State  or  city  li- 
cense to  act  as  an  auctioneer,  or  to  hawk  goods 
upon  the  street  at  public  sale  ?  " 

He  said  he  didn't  need  any. 

"  Very  well,  sir,"  I  said  as  I  climbed  in  the 
cart  and  forced  him  out,  "  as  this  is  America, 
where  one  man's  rights  are  as  good  as  another's, 
I  guess  I  can  get  along  without  license  if  you 
can." 

The  crowd  laughed  again   and  he  stepped  off 


MORE    HUS'LING.  207 

without  molesting  me  further.  The  only  satis- 
faction I  experienced  was  that  of  beating  him  at 
his  own  game,  and  I  had  gotten  rid  of  him  with- 
out having  to  show  up  my  receipt. 

When  it  was  given  to  me  by  one  of  the  State 
officials,  he  remarked  that  while  he  didn't  think 
I  ivould  be  likely  to  get  into  any  difficulty  so 
long  as  I  could  show  it  up,  he  was  certain  that 
by  law  I  had  no  authority  to  sell  till  I  had  pro- 
cured the  license.  I  therefore  thought  best  to 
avoid  showing  my  receipt  till  the  very  last  re- 
sort. I  made  several  other  sales  there,  but  was 
not  molested  again. 

Our  next  town  was  Marquette,  where  our  suc- 
cess was  far  beyond  our  expectation.  I  remem- 
l>er  the  first  night  I  sold  there,  just  as  I  had 
started  in  and  was  having  a  big  run,  a  tall,  slim 
man  with  a  very  intelligent  face  and  a  large,  red 
nose,  but  rather  roughly  dressed,  came  nishing 
through  the  crowd,  swearing  at  the  top  of  his 
voice  and  calling  me  all  manner  of  names.  I 
shouted  at  the  very  top  of  my  voice  : 

"  Stop,  sir  I  Stop  right  w^here  ypu  are  !  "  And 
as  he  obeyed  me  I  said : 

«•  *^  Don't  you  advance  anocber  step,  sir!  If  you 
3pen  your  mouth  again  I'i^  ^ave  you  arrested  f  ^ 

'  Hic-hic   V  ' 


2o8  -MORE   liUS'LlNG. 

"  For  violating  the  revenue  law,"  I  quickly 
answered,  discovering  lie  was  intoxicated. 

"  Hic-for-hic-for  violating  the  revenue  law, 
did  you  say  ?  " 

"  Yes  sir,  that's  what ;  and  as  sure  as  you 
open  your  mouth  again  I'll  have  you  arrested. 
You  are  old  enough  and  have  had  experience 
enough  to  know  better  than  to  come  out  here  on 
Main  Street  and  open  a  rum-hole  without  paying 
license !  " 

The  crowd  yelled  and  screamed  and  whooped 
and  shouted  with  unusual  enthusiasm,  which  at 
once  convinced  me  that  I  had  struck  something 
different  from  the  ordinary,  and  my  opinion  was 
fully  confirmed  when  he  commenced  to  laugh, 
and  stepping  within  my  reach  began  buying  my 
goods  as  fast  as  I  could  hand  them  to  him.  He 
1'  ?ver  opened  his  mouth,  but  kept  reaching  for 
the  goods  as  fast  as  I  could  count  them  and  pass 
them  out,  and  handed  me  a  dollar  for  each  sale, 
as  I  was  selling  in  dollar  lots.  This  he  kept  up 
till  he  had  loaded  himself  and  several  friends, 
and  started  off,  saying  he  would  be  back  the  next 
night. 

After  he  left  I  was  informed  that  he  was  worth"^ 
several  millions,  which  he  hp.c]  made  in  iron  and 
copper  mines. 


MORE   HUS'LING.  209 

The  next  night  I  ^ent  out  witH  my  cart 
rather  early,  as  usual,  and  lighted  my  torches 
and  returned  to  the  hotel  to  await  the  regular 
time  for  opening.  When  I  came  out  again  I  was 
surprised  to  see  every  window  in  every  building 
around  me  occupied  by  nicely  dressed  ladies,  and 
the  streets  filled  with  handsome  horses  drawing 
cari'iages  occupied,  as  I  could  see,  by  a  well-to-do 
class  of  people. 

It  was  remarked  by  many  the  next  day  thai 
there  never  had  been  as  large  a  ci^wd  gathered 
on  the  street  at  one  time  before,  and  the  result  of 
ray  sale,  which  was  three  times  larger  than  any 
I  had  ever  before  had,  proved  to  me  what  a  little 
free  advertising  could  do. 

I  looked  in  vain,  as  did  also  many  of  my  audi- 
ence, for  the  rich  miner,  but  he  didn't  come. 

We  continued  on  towards  the  copper  country, 
working  the  iron  mining  towns  on  our  way,  ar- 
riving at  Houghton  the  middle  of  July. 

The  next  day  after  making  my  first  sale  there, 
I  was  walking  down  street,  and  when  passing  a 
store  room  a  gentleman  came  to  the  door  and 
said : 

"  You're  just  the  man  that  ought  to  buy  me 
out  and  sell  the  goods;  nt  iiTction." 


2  10  MORE   HUS'LING. 

What  have  you  got  ?  " 

^'  I  iiave  everything — ^boots,  shoes,  suits  ol 
clothes,  overcoats,  dishes,  notions  aud  I  don't 
know  what  I  haven't  got." 

I  asked  his  reason  for  selling.  He  replied  that 
it  was  a  stock  that  had  gone  through  a  fire,  and 
be  had  bought  it  for  a  few  hundred  dollars  and 
was  then  six  hundred  dollars  ahead,  and  would 
sell  the  balance  cheap.  I  stepped  inside  and 
after  glancing  ovei  the  stock  asked  his  price. 

"  Six  hundred  dollars." 

"I'll  give  you  just  twenty-five  per  cent,  ol 
that,  and  no  more,"  and  started  to  walk  out 

"  I'll  take  two  hundred  and  fifty." 

"No  sir,"  taking  a  roll  of  money  from  my 
pocket  and  showing  it  to  him,  "  one  hundred  and 
fifty,  and  your  cash  in  your  fingers." 

"  All  right,  count  it  out" 

"  But  step  to  the  Recorder's  office  and  assure 
me  that  there  is  no  mortgage  on  your  stock  and 
that  it  belongs  to  you,  and  after  giving  me  a  bill 
of  sale  your  money  is  ready." 

He  did  so,  and  I  made  the  purchasce 

In  this  stock  was  a  vast  quantity  of  paper 
cambric  of  all  colors,  and  when  the  firemen  were 
tnT-g"  to  pnt  out  the  £\ve  they  had  deluged  i% 


MORE    1 1  US  LING.  211 

and  the  result  was  that  the  water  had  soaked 
through  it  and  had  carried  with  it  all  the  colors, 
leaving  each  piece  variegated. 

I  was  at  a  loss  to  know  what  to  do  with  it,  and 
'aally  concluded  to  cut  it  up  into  dress  patterns 
■if  sixteen  and  two-tlii)*ds  yards  and  then  give 
one  pattern  away  with  each  dollar  sale  that  even- 
'xig  when  I  sold  at  auction. 

That  night,  before  opening  my  sale,  I  picked 
''p  one  of  the  pieces,  and  handing  one  end  of  it 
t^  a  boy,  requested  him  to  run  down  the  street 
i^'ith  it  till  he  got  it  all  straightened  out.  While 
*ie  boy  was  holding  to  one  end  and  I  to  the 
other,  I  went  on  and  explained  that  I  had  that 

day  bought  out  Mr. ,  and  as  I  had  no  knowl^ 

edge  of  the  dry-goods  business  and  couldn't  tell 
a  piece  of  calico  from  an  Irish  tarpaulin,  that  they 
must  not  blame  me  if  I  sold  them  silk  for  Canton 
flannel. 

Besides  the  paper  cambric  I  had  a  lot  of  other 
pieces  of  dress  goods,  which  were  in  good  shape 
and  which  I  intended  to  sell  to  the  highest 
bidder. 

Just  as  I  was  about  to  inaugurate  my  gift  ^' 
enterprise  scheme,  some  gentleman  of  German 
rleso^nt  cried  out  in  broken  English  * 


212  MORE    ilUo'LING. 

"  Swei  dollar." 

I  at  once  yelled  : 

"  Sold  ibr  two  dollaro,  and  wlio  will  have  tli^^ 
*iext  sixteen  and  two-thirds  yards  for  two  dol- 
lars ?  " 

^'I'U  take  'em,"  "I'll  take  'em,"  "Here," 
"  Here,"  "  Give  me  one,"  '  Give  me  one,"  they 
all  shouted  at  once,  and  the  two-dollars  were 
as  thick  as  hailstones  in  less  than  a  second.  I 
stood  there  and  tossed  out  the  dress  patterns  and 
caught  their  two-dollar  bills  and  silver  pieces 
like  a  Chinese  juggler.  After  I  had  cleaned  out 
everv  dollar's  worth  of  the  cambnc  I  said  : 

"  Gentlemen,  I  am  going  to  be  frank  with  you 
now,  and  advise  you  not  to  represent  to  yom 
wives  that  you  have  any  great  bargain  in  these 
dress  patterns,  for  they  may  be  better  posted 
than  anv  of  us  are.  But  I'll  tell  vou  what  I'll 
do,  boys.  If  you  are  dissatisfied  now  I'll  give 
you  two  dollars'  worth  of  any  other  goods  I  have, 
and  take  the  dress  patterns  back ;  or  if  yovui 
wives  are  not  satisfied  they  can  come  to  the  stor^ 
to-morrow  at  ten  o'clock  and  I'll  give  them  two 
dollars'  worth  of  any  tfoods  I  have  in  exchange 
for  the  pattej  ns." 
*niey  ag^reed  that  that  was  fair,  and  al)  .-'*<iAm^ 


MORE    IIIJS'LING.  213 

The  next  day,  at  two  o'clock,  I  went  down  to 
the  store  and  found  a  crowd  of  women  large 
enough  to  fill  a  small  circus  tent.  Each  one  had 
a  dress  pattern,  and  as  I  passed  by  to  unlock  the 
door  each  had  something  to  say.  The  crowd 
vvas  composed  of  all  classes — Polish,  No'wegian, 
Irish,  German,  Cornish,  etc.  The  Irish,  with 
their  sharp  tongues  ar.d  quick  wit,  were  predom- 
inant, and  all  together  they  had  considerably 
spoil  in  relating  what  their  husbands  had  to  say 
when  they  brought  home  the  dress  patterns  and 
learned  that  those  same  goods  had  been  offered 
for  one-fourth  of  a  cent  a  yard  ever  since  the  fire. 
1  took  every  piece  back  and  allowed  them  to 
trade  it  out.  I  employed  two  young  men  to  help 
me  that  afternoon  and  took  down  each  lady's 
name  and  then  jumped  up  and  made  an  auction 
sale  to  them.  We  kept  each  lady^s  purchase  by 
itself,  and  after  the  sale  had  a  final  settlement 
with  them,  many  of  whom  had  bought  enough  to 
bring  them  'considerably  in  my  debt. 

This  was  one  of  the  very  best  advertisements 
for  me,  as  it  convinced  the  people  that  I  would 
do  by  them  as  I  agreed;  and  they  all  consid- 
ered it  a  good  joke,  and  the  afternoon  sale  having 
made  Die   acqiiainter'    svirh   mnnv  -women,  T  had 


214  MORE    HUS'LING. 

no  tronble  in  getting  a  large  crowd  every  night 
who  bought  freely. 

After  making  several  sales  at  Houghton  I 
packed  up  and  went  over  to  Hancock  an!  Red 
Jacket,  where  I  met  with  flattering  success.  Lj 
nearly  as  I  could  estimate  it,  I  cleared  about 
twelve  hundred  dollars  on  my  investment  of  one 
hundred  and  fifty. 

I  sold  nearly  ever3rthing  at  an  advance  on  th^ 
regular  first  cost,  but  when  I  came  to  look  tnrougn 
the  boxes  and  drawers  and  sort  all  the  goods  con- 
tained in  my  new  stock,  I  was  much  surprised 
and  greatly  pleased. 

I  remained  at  Red  Jacket  six  weeks,  making 
sales  every  night. 

On  the  first  of  September,  as  it  had  begun 
to  get  cold  up  there,  and  in  fact  had  twice 
snowed  a  very  little  the  last  of  August,  we  re- 
turned to  Chicago,  when  I  immediately  called  on 
my  friend  Doctor  Ingraham.  He  didn't  recog- 
nize me  until  I  took  a  large  roll  of  bills,  contain- 
ing over  three  thousand  dollars,  from  my  pocket 
and  said : 

"Doctor,  I  would  be  pleased  to  loan  you  a 
hundred  dollars  and  I'll  bet  you  will  pay  it  back 
in  less  than  three  months.*' 


MORE    HUS'LING. 


215 


"  O-ho,  Johnston,  you  have  got  to  the  front 
haven't  you?  How  are  you? — ^how  are  yon?^ 
shaking  me  warmly  by  the  hand. 


2  I  O  .Uw.-,  i.    .j^^  1.  I  aO. 


CHAPTER  XXX 

-BUYING  OUT  A  LARGE  STV^^K  OF  BgERCHANDISF 
— ON  THE  ROAD  AGAIN— SIX  WEl^KS  IN  EACH 
TOWN — MUDDY  ROADS  AND  POOa  TRAD?:— 
CLOSING  OUT  AT  AUCTION — SVVED  M\ 
CREDIT  BUT  COLLAPSED— PEDDLII'G  POLISH 
AND  JEWELRY  —  WHOLESALING  JI VVELRY— 
FIFTY  DOLLARS  AND  LOTS  OF  EXl  ERIENCE 
MY  STOCK  IN  TRADE — TALL  "H^S'LING" 
AND  GREAT  SUCCESS — AN  OFFER  TROM  A 
WHOLESALE  JEWELRY  FIRM — DECLINi  D  WITH 
THANKS— HUS'LING  AGAIN — GREAT  SI  CCESS. 

Now  that  I  had  made  considerable  mont  y  and 
had  it  in  cash  I  determined  on  doing  two  tl  ings. 

The  first,  was  to  arrange  with  some  wholt'sale 
jewelry  house  to  furnish  me  with  what  stock  I 
needed,  It  a  small  advance  above  the  miinufat  tu- 
rers'  price,  to  travel  on  the  road  and  supply  tl^e 
retail  trade — as  I  had  never  given  up  the  i^^ea  ^./ 
some  day  becoming  a  wholesale  jeweler. 

The  second,  was  to  return  immediately  to  Tron 
son,  Michigan,  and  Clyde,  Ohio,  and  pay  all  ol  '-ny 
debts,  which   had   been    rimrjiuR    a  longr   tisx^. 


MORE    HUS'LING.  217 

With  the  first  object  in  view  I  set  out  to  find 
headquarters  for  purchasing  my  jewelry,  and  suc- 
ceeded in  finding  a  dealer  who  offered  me  satis- 
factory prices.  After  looking  his  goods  over  and 
coming  to  an  understanding  with  him,  I  informed 
him  that  I  was  going  east  for  a  few  days,  and  on 
my  return  would  select  a  stock  of  goods  and 
start  out. 

My  wife  and  I  then  packed  our  trunks,  and 
had  bought  our  tickets  ready  for  a  start,  when  I 
happened  to  pick  up  a  paper  and  read  an  adver 
tisement  offering  four  thousand  dollars'  worth  of 
goods  for  two  thousand  dollars.  I  thought  it  a 
good  idea  to  make  a  couple  of  thousand  more  be 
fore  starting  east,  if  I  could  just  as  well  as  not, 
and  called  on  the  advertiser. 

I  first  demanded  to  know  if  the  stock  was  clear 
of  incumbrance ;  and  when  convinced  that  it  was, 
I  looked  it  over,  and  although  it  looked  to  me 
like  ^en  thousand  dollars'  worth,  I  laughed  at 
the  fellow  for  having  cheek  enough  to  ask  two 
thousand  dollars  for  it. 

He  asked  how  much  I  thought  it  was  worth. 

I  offered  five  hundred  dollars. 

He  offered  to  take  eighteen  hundred. 

"  Well,  sir,  we  are  only  thirteen  hundred  dol 


2,1 8  MORE   HUS'LING. 

lars  apart,  and  I'll  split  the  difiference  with  you 
and  pay  the  cash." 

So  saying,  I  "  flashed"  my  roll  of  money,  when 
he  agreed  to  my  proposition. 

After  I  had  made  the  purchase  I  asked  the 
gentleman  (who  was  a  German)  why  he  had  sold 
so  cheap.  He  informed  me  that  his  uncle  had 
recently  died  in  Germany,  and  left  him  a  large 
fortune ;  and  he  was  anxious  to  go  there  and 
spend  the  balance  of  his  life. 

His  explanation  satisfied  me,  and  I  began  pack- 
ing up  the  goods  ready  for  shipment. 

We  gave  up  our  trip  east,  and  after  buying 
nearly  two  thousand  dollars'  worth  of  almost  all 
kinds  of  goods,  such  as  tin-ware,  glass-ware, 
crockery,  woolen  goods,  etc.,  to  put  with  the  mis- 
cellaneous line  I  had  just  bought,  we  started  out 
for  the  country  towns  with  a  large  stock,  and  ad- 
vertised to  sell  at  private  sale  only,  and  to  remain 
but  six  weeks  in  each  town.  My  reason  for  giv- 
ing up  the  auction  sales  was  this :  I  had  begun 
to  have  some  trouble  with  my  throat,  and  was 
advised  by  the  doctor  to  do  no  more  auctioneer- 
ing for  at  least  six  months. 

We  continued  on  with  our  large  stock  of  goods 
and  traveled  through  a  section  of  country  where 


MORE    Hr:VI.!>;   ,  2  10 

.he  mud  wasi  »o  deep  during  the  fall  and  ^\^nteT 
that  it  took  four  horses  to  haul  an  empty  lumber 
wagon. 

We  tried  to  get  into  a  country  where  the  farm- 
ers could  occasionally  get  to  town,  but  the  farther 
we  traveled  tlie  deeper  the  mud  kept  getting.  It 
usuall}''  took  about  all  the  money  I  could  take  in 
at  one  town  to  pay  freights  and  the  expense  of 
moving  to  the  next. 

I  had  established  a  very  good  commercial 
standing  with  several  wholesale  houses  in  Chicago 
with  whom  I  had  been  dealing,  and  felt  anxious 
to  make  a  success,  if  for  no  other  reason  than  to 
sustain  my  credit.  This  I  realized  was  an  impor- 
tant feature  in  building  up  a  business  of  any  kind. 

After  remaining  in  Illinois  and  Indiana  till 
spring,  I  decided  to  work  my  way  back  into  Mich- 
igan, where  I  felt  certain  of  finding  good  roads, 
if  nothing  else. 

The  first  day  of  April  found  us  at  Plainwell, 
Michigan,  with  a  very  light  stock  of  goods  and  a 
small  roll  of  money.  After  taking  a  careful  in- 
ventory of  my  stock,  and  figuring  up  my  liabili- 
ties, I  at  once  saw  that  if  I  could  sell  out  and  re- 
ceive one  hundred  cents  on  the  dollar  at  what  I 
bad  invoiced,  I  could  just  about  pay  my  debts  to 


220  MORE    HUS'LING. 

the  wholesale  houses,  and  I  decided  to  make  as 
auction  sale  and  close  out  immediately,  and  thus 
save  my  credit. 

By  the  first  of  May  I  had  succeeded  in  selling 
out  everything  I  possessed ;  and  after  paying  uj 
all  of  my  Chicago  debts,  had  but  a  few  dollars  left. 

Of  course  my  first  thought  was  Furniture  Pol- 
ish. But  on  the  very  day  when  I  was  about  to 
order  some  of  the  preparation  put  up,  I  happened 
into  the  express  office,  and  there  saw  on  the  shell 
a  package  of  jewelry  addressed  to  my  name. 

It  was  an  order  I  had  given  before  deciding  to 
close  out,  and  when  it  came  I  refused  to  take  it, 
instructing  the  agent  to  return  to  the  shipper. 
He  had  neglected  to  do  this,  and  when  I  asked 
him  why,  he  laughed  and  said  he  thought  best 
to  hold  it  awhile  and  see  if  I  wouldn't  conclude 
to  take  it. 

At  this  simrle  suggestion  it  instantly  occurred 
to  me  that  I  could  make  good  use  of  such  goods 
by  selling  to  the  people  about  the  hotels  where  I 
traveled.  I  therefore  accepted  the  package,  and 
after  looking  it  over,  which  in  all  amounted  to 
less  than  fifty  dollars'  worth,  I  hired  a  carpenter 
to  make  me  a  sample  case,  for  which  I  paid  him 
five  dollars.      A.fter  arrangfing  my  goods  nicely 


MORE    HUS'LING.  221 

in  the  trays,  we  started  on  the  road.  I  had  with 
me  also  two  dozen  bottles  of  the  *'  Incomprehen- 
sible "  as  a  sort  of  stand-by. 

We  visited  several  towns  where  I  "hus'led"  out 
with  the  polish,  meeting  with  fair  success  as 
usual,  and  managed  to  sell  a  piece  of  jewelry 
occasionally,  which  netted  a  fair  profit. 

At  White  Cloud,  Michigan,  I  called  at  the 
drug  store  of  A.  G.  Clark  &  Co.  to  make  a  small 
purchase.  When  in  conversation  with  Mr.  Clark 
I  mentioned  that  I  was  in  the  jewelry  business 
and  would  be  pleased  to  show  him  my  goods. 
He  said  he  had  never  handled  jewelry  in  connec- 
tion with  his  drugs,  and  had  no  idea  it  would  pay. 
I  persisted,  however,  in  showing  him  my  line, 
till  he  at  last  consented,  when  I  hastened  to  the 
hotel  for  my  sample  case  and  returned  at  once. 

When  I  opened  the  case,  containing  about  two 
dozen  empty  trays  and  only  three  trays  of  goods, 
Mr.  Clark  looked  rather  disgusted,  and  asked 
where  I  hailed  from.  I  reported  myself  on  my 
way  in^  and  was  closing  out  my  samples  and  de- 
livering on  the  spot. 

'"Oh,  I  see:  that  accounts  for  your  empw 
trays." 

*'  Certainly." 


222  MORE    HUS'LING. 

He  began  picking  out  a  few  pieces,  and  kept 
It  up  till  he  liad  selected  vrhsit  he  considered 
enough  for  a  fair  stock,  and  asked  me  to  make 
out  a  bill. 

I  did  so,  apd  billed  it  on  a  piece  of  brown  pa- 
per, calling  to  mind  my  jewelry  experience  of 
years  before.  The  amount  was  twenty-nine  dol- 
lars, which  he  paid  and  I  receipted  in  full. 

If  Mr.  Clark  reads  this  book  it  will  no  doubt 
be  the  first  intimation  he  l:a^  ever  had  that  he 
was  my  first  customer ;  and  as  he  is  still  in  busi- 
ness there,  and  has  a  large  show  case  full  of  jew- 
elry, which  he  takes  pride  in  keeping  replenished 
often,  and  always  favors  me  when  placing  his  or- 
ders, I  take  it  for  granted  that  he  has  never  had 
occasion  to  regret  his  first  investment  In  tha^ 
line. 

I  then  called  on  another  dealer  and  sold  eight 
dollars'  worth. 

When  I  returned  to  the  hotel  I  sjade  knovm 
my  success  to  my  ^vife,  and  declared  my  inten- 
tion of  sticking  to  it.  She  reminded  me  that  I 
had  always  contended  that  it  required  large  cap- 
ital ;  and  wond<jred  how  I  could  expect  to  snccec^i 
svith  a  fifty-dollar  stock  then,  when  I  was  iinabl^ 
to  get  along  with  several  times  that  amoira? 
vears  before. 


MORE   HUS'LING.  223 

r  told  her  I  thought  she  was  mistaken  about 
my  stock  in  trade,  and  assured  her  that  my  pres- 
ent stock  was  fifty  times  larger  than  when  I  tried 
it  before.  In  considerable  astonishment  she 
asked  me  what  I  meant. 

*'  I  mean  that  experie^ice  should  be  invoiced  as 
stock  in  trade ;  and  as  I  have  had  lots  of  it  since 
iny  first  experiment,  I  am  going  to  fill  up  two 
trays  in  my  sample  case  with  jewelry,  and  in 
each  one  of  the  empty  trays  I'll  put  a  card  with 
the  word  *  experience '  written  on  it ;  and  if  a 
merchant  laughs  at  my  goods  I'll  explain  that 
my  stock  consists  of  jewelry  and  experience,  but 
that  I  am  only  selling  the  jewelry,  and  keeping 
the  experience  for  my  own  use." 

This  plan  was  carried  out ;  and  in  every  in- 
stance when  I  called  on  a  merchant  and  displayed 
all  of  my  trays  on  his  counter,  he  would  take  the 
cards  up  one  after  the  other,  and  after  reading 
the  word  "  experience  "  on  each  and  every  one, 
would  ask  its  meaning.  I  always  explained  that 
I  had  more  experience  than  capital,  and  as  I  v^al- 
iied  it  very  highly,  I  considered  it  perfectly  legit- 
::aate  to  figure  it  as  stock  in  trade.  This  gen- 
erally brought  a  smile  from  them,  and  as  a  rule 
seemed  to  work  to  my  benefit.  At  any  r9*-e,  I 
c;r,i-5  i'f>--r  ••-,-  fp  ^Itj,  ..'  dealer  I  callrd  ttT)on 


224  MORE   HUS'LING. 

As  I  vnts  then  owing  my  wTiolesaler  fifty  dol' 
•ars  for  the  first  bill,  I  at  once  ordered  several 
small  packages  sent  on  ahead  of  me  C.  O.  D.  to 
different  towns,  and  as  I  came  to  them  would 
take  them  up. 

This  gave  me  a  chance  for  some  "  tall  hus'l« 
xng,"  and  I  made  the  most  of  it 

I  began  by  showing  up  my  jewelry  early  in 
the  morning  to  clerks  or  porters  at  the  hotel,  and 
in  the  evening  before  retiring,  to  the  hotel  girls. 

As  soon  as  the  stores  were  opened  I  visited 
every  merchant  in  town,  and  sold  to  Jewelers, 
Grocers,  dealers  in  Dry  Goods  and  Hardware, 
Druggists,  Restaurants,  Milliners,  in  short,  to 
every  one  who  had  a  show-case. 

At  noon  I  would  open  up  in  the  hotel  office, 
ostensibly  to  arrange  my  jewelry,  but  for  no  othei 
purpose  than  to  attract  the  attention  of  boarders 
or  guests  to  my  stock  of  goods 

Whenever  they  asked  to  buy  I  would  assume 
an  air  of  independence  and  indifference,  and 
quote  the  price  of  every  article  by  the  dozen,  and 
was  sure  to  mention  that  it  was  the  wholesale  price. 
Of  course  almost  every  one  was  anxious  to  buy 

wholesale,  and  I  had  no  trouble  in  disposing 


MORE    HUS'LING.  225 

When  at  the  depots  awaiting  trains  I  always 
got  into  the  good  graces  of  the  Telegraph  Ope- 
rator by  convincing  him  that  I  could  read  readily 
from  his  instrument,  and  usually  sold  him  an 
article  of  jewelry,  and  often  several  dollars' worth. 
I  might  add  here  that  in  traveling  about  the 
country  it  was  quite  entertaining  to  listen  to  ev- 
ery telegraph  instrument,  while  waiting  for 
trains,  and  consequently  I  kept  in  fair  practice. 
As  I  still  cling  to  that  habit,  I  find  little  diffi- 
culty, even  now,  in  reading  rapidly. 

When  going  from  place  to  place  on  the  cars,  I 
made  it  a  point  to  "  spot "  my  man  as  soon  as  I 
entered  the  car,  and  managed  to  either  get  into 
the  same  seat  with  him  or  one  very  near ;  and 
before  I  was  fairly  settled  I  would  find  it  neces- 
sary to  open  my  sample  case,  and  if  possible 
would  ask  my  would-be  victim  to  hold  some  of 
the  trays  while  I  arranged  a  few  goods  in  the 
bottom  of  my  case.  It  was  never  necessary  for 
me  to  offer  to  sell  to  them,  as  they  were  usually 
eager  to  look  through  my  stock,  and  very  anx- 
ious to  buy  when  informed  that  I  was  a  whole- 
saler. 

It  used  to  amuse  me  to  come  in  contact  with 
the   high-salaried  drummers,  upon    whose   per- 


226  MORE    HUS'LING 

sonal  sales  their  houses  solely  depended  for  suf*- 
cess,  and  see  them  spend  a  large  share  of  their 
valuable  time  in  "  getting  acquainted  "  with  some 
prominent  merchant  prior  to  inviting  him  to  the 
hotel  to  see  their  samples,  which  only  for  the 
disgrace  of  carrying  their  cases  from  store  to 
store  they  would  have  had  with  them.  It  was 
always  an  easy  matter  for  me  to  frustrate  this 
class  of  salesmen  in  their  schemes  of  getting  ac- 
quainted, as  I  always  had  my  sample  case  ready 
to  spring  open  at  the  very  first  opportunit}^ ;  and 
as  I  usually  managed  to  get  the  floor,  and  almost 
invariably  did  all  the  talking, the  "box," as  a  rule, 
was  opened  up  to  the  merchant  on  short  notice ;  and 
although  I  considered  a  sale  half  made  when 
this  was  accomplished,!  never  quit  talking  or  quit 
pushing  sales,  and  always  hurried  my  customer 
through  as  fast  as  possible,  and  as  soon  as  finished 
bade  him  good-bye  and  left  his  store. 

Many  a  good  sale  I  made  in  this  way  while 
my  modest,  sleek,  forty-dollar-a-month  friend 
stood  by  and  wondered  how  long  I  had  been  ac- 
quainted with  the  proprietor. 

We  traveled  through  Michigan,  \asiting  the 
same  towns  we  had  sold  auction  goods  in  the  yeai 
before ;  and  wherever  I  traveled,  the  moment  I 


MORE    HUSLING.  227 

would  step  off  the  cars  I  would  hear  sucli  re- 
marks as  these  from  men  and  boys : 

"There's  the  auction  man.  We'll  have  ar  cir- 
cus to-night ;  he  can  talk  a  man  to  death  in  five 
minutes.     Wonder  what  he's  got  in  that  box." 

In  about  thirty  days  from  the  da}^  I  made  my 
first  sale  of  jewelry  I  arrived  at  Cheboygan,  Mich- 
igan ;  and  upon  taking  an  inventory  of  stock 
and  cash,  found  I  had  cleared  just  six  hundred 
and  twenty-five  dollars  over  and  above  all  our 
expenses. 

On  calling  for  my  mail  at  this  p'.:ce  I  icceived 
a  letter  from  the  proprietor  of  the  wholesale  house 
I  had  been  dealing  with,  requesting  me  to  come 
to  Chicago  at  once,  as  they  bad  a  very  important 
proposition  to  make  to  me.  When  I  returned  to 
the  hotel  I  met  my  wife  in  the  hall  and  said : 
"  Flo.,  I  guess  G.  (2f  S.  want  to  take  me  in  part- 
nership with  them ;  at  any  rate  they  have  writ- 
ten me  to  come  to  Chicago,  and  I  think  we'd  bet- 
ter start  at  once." 

We  boarded  a  small  steamer  for  Traverse  City, 
where  we  took  the  steamer  "  City  of  Traverse," 
and  after  about  forty-eight  hours'  ride  arrived  in 
Chicago,  and  I  immediately  called  on  the  firm  with 
a  feeling  of  almost  absolute  assurance  that  thirty 


23B  MORE   HUS'LING. 

minutes  later  would  find  me  a  member  of  the 
concern.  After  shaking  hands  and  passing  the 
time  of  day,  one  of  the  firm  called  me  into  his 
private  office  and  informed  me  that  they  had  con- 
cluded to  put  me  on  the  road  at  a  stipulated  sal- 
ary. 

*'  But  I  never  work  on  a  salary.  It's  against 
my  principles  and  ideas  of  business." 

"  Yet  you  would  certainly  prefer  a  sure  thing, 
wouldn't  you,  Johnston  ?" 

"  No,  sir ;  not  a  bit  of  it.  I  wouldn't  snap  my 
finger  for  a  sure  thing.  There  is  no  fun,  excite- 
ment or  satisfaction  in  a  sure  thing,  and  worse 
still,  no  money  in  ito" 

"  Well,  you  wouldn't  refuse  au  extra  good  of- 
fer, would  you  ?" 

"  Yes,  sir,  I  think  I  would." 

"  Do  you  mean  to  say  that  money  wouldn't 
hire  you  ?" 

"  Oh,  no.     I  don't  say  that." 

"  Well,  now  just  stop  to  consider,  Johnston, 
how  many  years  you  have  been  working  for  your- 
self ;  and  how  much  are  you  worth  ?" 

"  Indeed,  Mr.  S.,  I  am  worth  more  than  yotj 
are,  to-day." 

'*  How  so  ?" 


1 


MORE  ru'^i'Ll:NG.  229 

"  Experience." 

"  Experience  ?  Do  you  claim  that  as  capi- 
tal ?" 

"  Indeed  I  do,  sir,  and  worth  more  than  all 
your  store.  I  have  been  several  years  getting 
ready  to  make  money,  while  you  have  been  mak- 
ing it  before  you  got  ready.  I  have  had  too 
many  ups  and  downs  in  my  early  life  not  to  be 
able  to  profit  by  at  least  some  of  them  sooner  or 
later ;  and  I  can't  afford  now  to  go  to  work  for 
you  on  a  salary,  and  give  you  the  benefit  of  all 
these  years'  experience.  Not  much,  sir,  and  I'll 
just  keep  '  hus'ling.'  If  I  can^t  win,  I  can  die 
in  the  cause." 

"  But  the  probabilities  are,  you  will  never  get 
enough  ahead  to  start  a  business  of  your  own, 
and  will  always  keep  in  the  same  old  rut." 

"  But  I  am  not  the  *  rutty '  kind,  Mr.  S.  Be^ 
sides,  I  dislike  to  work  for  any  one  but  John- 
ston." 

"  Well,  let's  see  how  much  it  will  take  to  hire 
you  for  a  year." 

"Very  well;  you  mark  on  a  piece  of  paper 
how  much  you  will  give,  and  I'll  mark  how  much 
ril  take." 

He  agreed,  and  assured  me  he  was  goiua  to 


230  MORE    HUS'LING. 

make  me  an  extra  good  offer  for  a  new-beginner 
When  we  had  both  put  down  our  figures  we 
threw  our  papers  on  the  desk.  He  had  marked 
six  hundred  dollars  a  year  and  expenses,  and  1 
had  put  down  seven  thousand  dollars  and  ex* 
penses. 

I  asked,  with  much  astonishment,  if  he  didn't 
mean  thousands,  and  he,  with  equal  astonish- 
ment, asked  if  I  didn't  mean  hTindreds. 

On  my  assuring  him  that  I  meant  just  what  I 
had  put  down,  he  asked  on  what  basis  I  figured. 
I  answered,  on  the  basis  of  having  cleared  over 
six  hundred  dollars  the  first  month,  on  a  capital 
of  fifty  dollars'  worth  of  goods  and  one  million 
dollars'  worth  of  experience. 

"  Great  Heavens !  have  you  cleared  that  much 
since  you  commenced  ?" 

I  convinced  him  by  showing  my  stock  and 
cash  on  hand.  He  said  he  knew,  of  course,  that 
I  had  been  selling  a  great  many  goods,  but  he 
supposed  I  had  done  so  by  cutting  prices. 

I  at  once  made  arrangements  to  start  out  again. 

The  firm  offered  me  a  limited  credit  of  one 
hundred  dollars,  which  I  accepted,  realizing  that 
some  day  I  would  find  it  convenient  to  have  some 
one  to  refer  to  in  case  I  should  c^*-  in  sh;^*^  *^ 
begin  business  fcvr 


MORE    HUS'LING.  23  1 

My  wife  again  accompanied  me,  and  we  re- 
turned to  Northern  Michigan  and  began  with  ex- 
cellent sales.  I  delivered  all  my  goods  on  the 
spot,  and  sold  exclusively  for  cash. 

We  continued  on  in  this  manner  till  fall,  visit- 
ing almost  every  town  in  Northern  Michigan 
and  Wisconsin,  when  I  had  increased  my  stock 
to  several  hundred  dollars,  and  was  making 
money  fast. 


232  MORE   HUS'LING. 


CHAPTER  XXXI. 

ROBBED  OF  A  TRUNK  OF  JEWELRY  —  ONLY  A  SMALL 
STOCK  LEFT  —  A  TERRIBLE  CALAMITY  —  COL- 
LAPSED  AN  EMPTY  SAMPLE-CASE  MY  SOLE  POS-  ^ 

SESSION PEDDLING  POLISH  AGAIN — MAKING  A 

RAISE UNINTENTIONAL    GENEROSITY    BREAKS 

ME  UP — MEETING  AN   OLD  PARTNER  THE 

JOBBER  SUPPLIES  ME  WITH  JEWELRY — HUS'LING 
AGAIN  WITH  GREAT  SUCCESS MAKING  SIX  HUN- 
DRED DOLLARS  IN  ONE  DAY — MY  HEALTH  FAILS 
ME — I  RETURN  TO  OHIO  —  A  PHYSICIAN  GIVES 
ME  BUT  TWO  YEARS  TO  LIVE  —  HOW  I  FOOLED 
HIM. 

As  cold  weather  was  approacliing,  my  wife  con- 
cluded to  return  to  Chicago,  and  I  proceeded  to- 
wards the  Northwest.  At  Duluth  I  received  two 
large  packages  of  new  goods,  which  came  C.  O. 
D.,  and  which  took  nearly  my  last  dollar. 

I  carried  with  me  a  leather  trunk  in  which  to 
keep  my  reserved  stock,  and  as  I  had  but  a  few 


MORE    HUSLINC.  23; 

moments'  spare  time,  after  receiving  the  goods  ;U 
Duluth,  before  the  train  left  for  Aiken,  Minne- 
sota, I  pnt  all  of  my  new  goods  in  the  leather 
trunk,  leaving  but  a  small  stock  in  my  sample 
case.  I  then  checked  the  trunk  to  Aiken,  where 
I  arrived  at  one  o'clock  in  the  morning. 

From  force  of  habit  I  had  become  accustomed 
to  stepping  forward  towards  the  baggage  car, 
whenever  I  alighted  at  a  depot,  to  see  that  my 
baggage  was  taken  off;  and  this  time  not  being 
an  exception,  I  remained  standing  by  till  I  saw 
my  trunk  taken  off  and  set  to  one  side,  when  I 
proceeded  to  the  hotel. 

I  expected  to  have  a  porter  return  to  the  depot 
and  assist  me  in  carrying  it  to  the  hotel,  but  on 
reaching  there  found  a  cheap  fourth-rate  house, 
with  not  less  than  fifty  or  sixty  drunken  woods- 
men, and  at  once  decided  that  the  jewelry  would 
be  safer  at  the  depot  than  there,  and  retired 
without  it. 

The  next  morning  I  presented  my  check  and 
was  informed  that  there  was  no  piece  of  baggage 
there  with  a  corresponding  numbei.  I  told  the 
baggage-man  that  I  saw  him  take  it  off  and  set 
it  on  the  platform. 

He  was  sure  he  had  never  seen  it,  and  at  once 


234  MORE    HUS'LING. 

accompanied  me  to  Brainerd,  where  the  general 
baggage-agent's  report  showed  that  the  trunk 
had  been  reported  taken  off  at  Aiken ;  the  agent 
at  this  place  then  produced  the  duplicate  to  my 
check,  and  stated  that  the  conductor  of  the  train 
on  which  I  had  come  from  Duluth  had  found  it 
on  the  rear  end  of  the  hind  car,  just  after  leav- 
ing Aiken.  The  superintendent  took  immediate 
steps  towards  having  the  matter  ferreted  out, 
and  very  kindly  gave  me  a  pass  over  the  road. 

It  was  plain  to  be  seen  that  the  baggage-man 
at  Aiken  had  gathered  up  some  other  pieces  of 
baggage  and  carried  them  inside,  and  left  mine 
on  the  outside,  when  a  couple  of  men  picked  it 
up,  and  putting  it  on  the  rear  end  of  the  car,  rode 
a  mile  or  two  up  grade  to  an  Indian  camp,  where 
they  threw  it  off  and  then  jumped  off  themselves. 
These  men  were  traced  to  the  head  of  the  Missis- 
sippi River,  where  they  took  a  canoe  and  started 
down  stream.  Nothing  more  was  ever  heard  of 
them  or  the  goods  ;  and  as  the  State  laws  made 
the  Railroad  Company  responsible  for  wearing 
apparel  only,  I  could  collect  nothing  from  them. 
But  as  the  trunk  happened  to  contain  a  small 
compartment  in  which  I  carried  my  shirts,  uu* 
derwear,  handkerchiefs,  socks,  etc.,  I  made  Mr, 


MORE    HUS'LING.  235 

Superintendent  smile,  a  few  weeks  later,  when  I 
handed  in  my  bill  for  them,  at  Fargo.  He 
laughed,  and  said  he  had  never  happened  to  meet 
a  man  before  who  wore  such  high-priced  shirts 
and  underwear. 

After  giving  up  my  trunk  and  goods  as  lost/ 1 
looked  over  my  stock  of  jewelry  in  the  case ;  and 
although  it  was  badly  in  need  of  a  few  extras  to 
make  it  complete,  I  considered  it  enough  to  com- 
mence with  again,  and  started  out  to  see  what  I 
could  do. 

I  was  unable  to  do  anything  at  Brainerd,  and 
concluded  to  visit  smaller  towns,  where  my  little 
stock  would  look  larger.  I  took  an  evening  train, 
arriving  at  a  small  hamlet  a  few  miles  west,  in 
time  to  work  the  town  that  evening.  But  fate 
seemed  to  be  against  me,  for  I  couldn't  make  a 
sale,  and  to  make  time  I  would  have  to  get  up 
the  next  morning  about  half  past  two  to  get  a  lo- 
cal freight  train  going  west. 

The  landlord  called  me,  and  after  making  my 
toilet  I  started  for  the  depot,  a  few  rods  distant 
across  the  track.  He  had  cautioned  me  about 
the  fast  express,  which  would  be  due  in  a  few 
minutes  going  west,  and  which  did  not  stop 
ihere,  but  passed  through   at  lightning   speed. 


236  MORE    HLfS'LlNG. 

On  passing  out  I  discovered  that  a  terrible  snow 
and  wind  storm  was  raging,  and  with  much/diffi- 
culty found  my  way  towards  the  depot.  Just  as 
I  was  crossing  the  Railroad  track  the  lock  on  my 
case  gave  way  and  the  side  lid  fell  down,  and  the 
top  cover  to  which  the  handle  was  fastened 
raised  up,  letting  every  tray  of  jewelry  fall  in  a 
heap  in  the  middle  of  the  track.  I  stopped  to 
pick  it  up,  but  at  that  instant  heard  the  engine 
whistle  close  by,  and  had  no  sooner  gained  a  foot- 
hold on  the  platform  of  the  depot  than  the  engine 
came  dashing  along,  with  its  bright  head-light, 
and  the  sparks  flying  from  it  in  all  directions, 
and  the  steam  whistle  blowing  and  screeching 
like  a  demon,  and  struck  my  pile  of  trays  and 
jewelry  and  sent  them  skyward  and  entirelj'-  out 
of  existence. 

A  million  things  ran  through  my  mind  in  an 
instant,  but  I  think  about  ih^.  first  I  thought  of 
was  the  "Incomprehensible." 

I  saw  the  utter  foolishness  of  trying  to  find 
any  of  the  jewelry,  as  the  storm  was  raging  furi- 
ously ;  besides,  it  was  long  before  daylight.  But 
I  decided  to  return  to  the  hotel  and  remain  till 
morning. 

^Vhen  I  walked  into  the  office  with  my  sample 


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UNIVtRSIB  Of  un NOiS 
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MORE   HUS'LING.  239 

case  still  in  the  shape  as  when  it  "busted,"  the 
landlord  gazed  at  me  a  moment,  and  asked  what 
in  thunder  I'd  been  doing  with  my  jewelry.  I 
explained,  and  he  said  he  supposea  the  jewelry, 
trays  and  all  were  still  flying  through  the  air, 
and  if  the  storm  kept  up  they  probably  would 
never  stop. 

His  idea  was  about  correct,  I  think.  At  any 
rate  I  never  saw  one  dollar's  worth  of  my  goods 
aftervi^ards.  Of  course  the  heavy  fall  of  snow 
would  very  soon  cover  it  up  any  how,  but  it  is 
very  doubtful  if  any  of  it  was  ever  found  any 
where  in  the  vicinity  of  the  depot. 

The  next  day  after  satisfying  myself  that  my 
stock  of  jewelry  had  vanished  and  that  I  was 
again  "busted,"  I  took  the  train  for  Brainerd, 
where  I  once  more  resorted  to  selling  furniture 
polish. 

While  at  this  town  I  called  at  a,  house,  lang  the 
door  bell  and  was  admitted  by  a  person  whom  I 
at  once  recognized  as  an  old  school  teacher  who 
had  taught  our  district  school  at  Galetown  Corn- 
ers years  before.  As  he  did  not  recognize  me  I 
thought  I  would  have  a  little  fun  with  him,  and 
after  introducing  my  polish,  I  produced  a  small 
book  containing  the  nnrrses  of  my  patrons  at 
Braiuerd.  ptti  =asd/. 


2^0  MORE    HUS'LING. 

"  Mister,  T  have  here  the  names  of  those  iaht 
have  been  buying,  which  I  will  read,  to  show  yais 
that  it  is  an  article  of  value  and  one  that  Is 
appreciated  b}''  almost  every  house-keeper." 

So  saying  I  began  to  read  off  the .  names  oi 
people  living  in  the  old  Galetown  school-district, 
such  as  Mrs,  M.  Keefer  Mrs.  John  Bartlett,  Mrs. 
Curt  Dirlam,  Mrs.  R,  E.  Betts,  Mrs.  Alfred 
Hutchinson,  Mrs.  James  Drown,  Mrs.  John 
lycfever,  Mrs.  Dave  Ramsey,  Mrs.  Sidney  Tuck, 
Mrs.  Calif  Luce,  Mrs.  Samuel  Chapin,  Mrs.  — — 

"Great  Scott!  Do  all  those  people  live  in  this 
town?" 

"Why  not?"  I  asked, 

"Why  not?  Caesar-ation!  I  used  to  teach 
school  in  Ohio,  in  a  neighborhood  which  con- 
tained the  sir  names,  given  names,  initials  and 
all,  of  every  person  you  have  mentioned." 

I  slipped  the  book  into  my  pocket  and  told  him 
I  could  not  help  that,  and  then  began  to  show 
the  polish  to  him  and  the  lady  of  the  house.  He 
was  too  much  excited  to  give  any  attention  to  it 
but  as  he  was  only  a  visitor,  that  did  not  signify 
much.  He  soon  asked  me  to  read  those  names 
over  again.  "^Vhen  I  had  finished  he  inquired  o! 
ais  bosl'jess  i^   ^hf  kno^'    -r;-     -^  tbos^  periple 


MORE    HUS'LING.  24  T 

She  said  no,  but  as  she  had  not  lived  there  long- 
she  would  not  be  likely  to  know  them.  He  be- 
came more  excited  than  ever,  and  putting  on  his 
overcoat  and  hat  declared  his  intention  of  calling 
on  some  of  them. 

Then  I  said  to  him: 

"Well,  this  Mr.  Keefer,  who  lives  over  here  on 
the  back  street  has  a  step-son  by  the  name  of 
Johnston.     Perry,  I  believe,  is  his  given  name." 

*'Yes  sir,  yes  sir,  that's  right.  He  was  a  red- 
headed lad  and  came  to  school  to  me.  Say,  show 
me  where  they  live." 

"And,"  I  remarked,  "another  name  I  re- 
member; the  son  of  one  of  these  families  is 
Willard." 

"Was  it  Willard  Luce?"  he  asked. 

"That\sit?" 

"  My ,  is  it  possible  all  those  families  have 

moved  here?" 

I  then  said: 

"Do  I  look  any  like  that  Perry  Johnston?" 

He  looked  me  over  carefully  and  said  he 
believed  I  did. 

I  then-  explained  that  I  had  recognized  him  at 
first  sight  and  decided  to  have  a  little  sport  with 
him.  After  a  short  visit  T  went  on  my  way 
-eioictngf 


242  MORE   HUS'LING. 

After  one  week's  time  I  left  Brainerd  foi 
^'argo,  Dakota,  wkere  I  liad  requested  my  mail 
to  be  sent.  I  liad  cleared  thirty-tliree  dollars 
over  and  above  expenses  during  that  time.  After 
sending  ten  of  it  home  to  my  wife  I  reached 
Fargo  with  twenty-three  dollars,  having  made 
the  trip  with  my  pass.  Here  I  received  a  letter 
from  the  wholesaler  expressing  sympathy  for  my 
loss,  and  saying  he  had  sent  me  a  large  package 
of  goods  on  sixty  days'  time. 

After  spending  two  dollars  for  a  few  neces- 
saries which  left,  me  just  twenty-one  dollars, 
I  accompanied  three  traveling  men  to  the  theatre, 
one  of  whom  had  a  pass  admitting  himself 
and  friends  to  a  box.  During  the  evening 
this  gentleman  mentioned  the  fact  that  an  actress 
who  would  shortly  sing  was  an  old  school-mate 
of  his,  and  as  she  had  had  all  her  wardrobe 
burnt  at  Bismarck,  a  few  days  before,  suggested 
that  we  each  throw  a  silver  dollar  on  the  stage 
v/hen  she  appeared.    We  all  agreed. 

I  had  forgotten  that  I  had  that  day  accommo- 
dated a  gentleman  by  giving  him  four  five-dollar 
bills  for  a  twenty-dollar  gold  piece,  and  when  the 
time  came  I  carelessly  reached  my  hand  in  my 
pocket  and  takinjr  out  the  aold  piece,  tlirew  it  ox? 


MORE    HUS'LING.  243 

the  stage  and  was  uuconscious  of  what  I  had 
done  till  I  saw  it  bound  and  heard  it  ring  and 
received  a  bow  of  recognition  and  thanks  from 
the  actress.  It  was  too  late,  however,  and  man- 
aging to  instantly  recover  mj^-self  from  the  shock 
of  having  fully  realized  the  awful  fact  that  I  was 
again  totally  collapsed,  I  shook  hands  with  my 
three  friends  who  were  very  enthusiastic  over 
my  generosity,  remarking  that  they  hadn't  the 
slightest  idea  of  my  intention  of  giving  so 
much.  I  told  them  I  didn't  believe  in  doing 
things  by  halves. 

At  the  hotel  the  next  day  I  was  introduced  to 
the  pretty  actress  who  thanked  me  for  my  gen- 
erous gift,  and  declared  that  success  was  sure  to 
reward  men  of  such  liberal  principles,  but  added 
that  she  had  always  noticed,  however,  that  those 
\^'ho  gave  the  most  freely  were  those  who  had 
the  most  to  give,  or  at  any  rate,  those  who  ex- 
perienced but  little  difiBculty  in  making  money 
fast. 

I  had  but  little  to  say  in  reply  to  her  asser- 
tion, but  took  special  pains  to  jingle  the  last 
three  twenty-five  cent  pieces  I  had  in  my  pocket, 
and  assumed  an  air  of  independence  sufficient,  no 
doubt,  to  convince  lier  that  I  possessed  my  share 
of  rhis  world's  goods^ 


244  MORE   HUS'LING. 

When  I  took  the  train  at  Brainerd  for  Fargo, 
who  should  make  his  appearance  as  conductor 
but  my  old  friend  Johnny,  whom  the  reader  will 
remember  as  being  my  partner  and  companion 
at  the  neat,  nice,  tidy  boarding-house  while  sell- 
ing auction  goods. 

The  moment  I  discovered  his  identity  I  pulled 
my  hat  down  over  my  eyes  and  turned  up  my 
coat  collar  so  he  would  not  recognize  me,  and  as 
he  approached  me  I  began  talking  very  loud  as 
though  in  conversation  with  some  one  near  me 
and  said:  "Well  sir,  the  place  where  I  stopped 
was  a  neat,  nice,  clean,  tidy  boarding-house,  the 
children  were  well-bred,  the  old  lady  a  good  con- 
versationalist, a  mighty  good  cook,  and  every- 
thing was  so  home-like." 

Johnny  seemed  almost  paralyzed  on  hearing 
these  remarks  and  instantly  began  to  scrutinize 
me  very  closely,  but  as  I  had  raised  quite  a 
moustache  and  goatee  since  our  dissolution,  he 
failed  to  recognize  me.  He  then  demanded  my 
ticket,  and  without  turning  my  face  towards  him, 
but  rather  turning  it  from  him  I  declared  I  had 
no  ticket.  He  asked  where  I  was  going.  I 
answered:  "Well  sir,  I  am  going  to  Fargo,  and 
if  I   can  prevail  upon  ray   wife  to  sell  another 


MORE    HUS'LING.  245 

house  and  lot  and  send  *n"  the  money,  I  am  going 
to  either  start  a  sta  -c  and  barrel  factory,  go 
into  the  auction  business." 

At  this  he  began  laughing,  and  taking  hold  of 
my  hat  and  raising  it  from  my  head,  said:  "Well 
you  infernal  vender  of  the  Incomprehensible 
compound,  double-distilled  furniture  and  piano 
luster,  what  are  you  giving  me?  Produce  your 
ticket,  or  off  you  go,  bag  and  baggage." 

We  had  a  nice  visit,  and  when  I  related  my 
experience  of  a  few  days  before  about  the  stolen 
trunk  and  the  final  collapse,  he  said  he  had  heard 
ail* about  it,  but  was  surprised  to  hear  that  I  was 
the  unfortunate  loser.  He  frankl}'-  confessed  that 
the  last  house  and  lot  had  been  sold  and  the 
money  spent  before  he  had  settled  down  to  busi- 
ness. The  last  I  heard  of  him  he  was  still 
holding  his  position  and  working  hard  for  a  pro- 
motion. 

A  few  days  after  my  arrival  at  Fargo,  1 
received  over  two  hundred  dollars'  worth  of 
goods  from  Chicago,  which  came  at  a  very 
opportune  time. 

The  few  da3^s  I  had  to  wait  there  I  put  in  with 
the  "Incomprehensible,"  with  good  results. 

The  holida}''  trade  was  now  approaching  and  I 


246  MORE    HUS'LING. 

made  money  fast.  I  again  adopted  my  old  tac 
tics  of  opening  up  to  every  one,  from  the  hotel 
porter  and  chamber  maids  to  the  merchant  of  the 
highest  standing ;  and  I  never  lost  an  hour  or 
even  a  minute  when  there  was  the  slightest  pros- 
pect for  making  a  sale.  The  result  was,  that 
after  closing  out  my  stock  just  before  Christmas 
and  returning  to  Chicago,  I  brought  back  over 
nine  hundred  dollars,  which  left  me  six  hundred 
clear  after  paying  the  wholesale  house  the  last 
bill  of  two  hundred  and  an  old  account  of  one 
hundred  dollars. 

A  few  weeks  after  my  arrival  in  Chicago,  I 
made  over  six  hundred  dollars  in  one  day  in  a 
way  that  will  perhaps  be  worth  relating.  An 
old  acquaintance  of  mine  who  was  in  the  auction 
business  was  in  the  city  buying  goods.  I  ac* 
companied  him  to  a  large  wholesale  house  to  buy 
notions,  and  while  picking  out  the  stock,  a  mes- 
senger-boy delivered  a  telegram  to  the  manager 
of  that  department.  After  reading  it  he  said  to 
us  that  it  conveyed  the  information  that  the 
manufacturers  of  cheap  shears  had  formed  a 
combination  and  had  advanced  the  price  nearly 
one  half  I  excused  myself  immediately  and 
started  on  the  run  to   the    different   wholesale 


MORE    HUS'LING.  ^47 

houses  with  which  I  had  previously  dealt,  and 
bought  all  the  shears  they  had  at  the  old  prices, 
and  after  making  a  payment  down  took  a  receipt 
as  payment  on  a  certain  number  of  dozen  shears 
at  a  certain  price  to  be  delivered  on  a  certain  day. 
I  made  the  rounds  as  rapidly  as  possible  and 
bought  out  several  dealers  before  they  had  re- 
ceived their  telegrams.  The  next  day  all  I  had 
to  do  was  to  call  at  their  stores  and  sell  out  to 
them  at  the  advanced  price,  receiving  my  money 
back  and  a  good  round  profit  besides. 

It  was  my  intention  to  start  out  on  the  road 
again  as  soon  as  the  dull  season  after  the  holi- 
days was  over;  but  I  began  having  chills  and 
fever  and  night  sweats  which  very  soon  reduced 
me  several  pounds  in  weight,  and  I  could  plainly 
see  was  fast  reducing  my  physical  strength. 

My  wife  and  I  then  visited  her  parents  at 
Bronson,  Michigan. 

And  now  I  am  obliged  to  make  mention  of  one 
fact  that  heretofore  has  not  been  necessary  to 
speak  of.  My  domestic  life  had  not  proved  a 
success,  and  a  separation  occurred  on  the  nine- 
teenth of  March,  1881,  my  wife  remaining  with 
her  parents.  Our  little  boy  had  been  living  with 
my  mother  at  Clyde,  during  the  preceding  two 


248  MORE    HUS'LING. 

years,  where  we  mutually  agreed  to  have  him  re- 
main ;  and  he  has  continued  to  reside  there  up  to 
the  present  time.  In  due  course  of  time  the 
Courts  annulled  the  marriage. 

I  reached  Clyde  on  the  evening  of  the  day  of 
our  final  separation,  and  was  so  ill  that  my  phys- 
ical system  seemed  about  prostrated. 

Our  old  family  physician,  Dr.  Brown,  was  at 
that  time  down  sick,  and  I  chanced  to  call  on  a 
physician  who  had  recently  moved  there.  He 
seemed  much  pleased  with  my  condition,  and  af- 
ter a  thorough  examination,  informed  me  that 
one  of  my  lungs  was  entirely  destroyed  and  the 
other  one  almost  gone  ;  and  if  I  had  good  luck  I 
might  live  a  couple  of  years. 

When  I  went  home  and  reported  my  bright 
prospects  my  mother  began  to  cry,  and  said  she 
always  thought  I  would  die  with  consumption. 
Mr.  Keefer  looked  sad  and  solemn,  and  said  ;  "  I^ 
does  beat  the  devil,"  * 


MORE    HUS'LING.  24'^ 


CHAPTER  XXXIl. 

a   FRIEND   LOANS   ME    TWENTY-FIVE    DOLLARS — 

MY  ARRIVAL   IN   CHICAGO FORTY  DOLLARS' 

WORTH  OF  GOODS  ON  CREDIT — I  LEAVE  FOR 
MICHIGAN — EFFECTING  A  SALE  BY  STRAT- 
AGEM— GREAT  SUCCESS  DURING  THE  SUM- 
MER—  ENFORCING  A  CREDIT  —  CONTINUED- 
SUCCESS — OPENING  AN  OFFICE  IN  THE  CITY. 
— PAYING  MY  OLD  DEBITS,  WITH  INTEREST 
— MY  TRIP  TO  NEW  YORK — BUYING  GOODS 
FROM  THE  MANUFACTURERS — MY  RETURK 
TO  CHICAGO — NOW  I  DO  HUS'LE — IMMENSE 
SUCCESS. 

A  few  days  later  our  old  Doctor  was  up  and 
around,  and  called  to  see  me.  He  diagnosed  my 
case,  and  pronounced  my  lungs  perfectly  sound  ; 
and  declared  that  if  I  should  live  an  hundred 
years  I'd  never  have  lung  trouble.  He  informed 
me  that  I  was  suffering  from  a  complication  of 
diseases,  and  general  debility  caused  by  over-work 
and  the  general  excitement  and  hus'ling  natu- 
rally attending  my  business :  and  assured  me 


250  MORE   HUS'LING. 

that  with  the  energy  and  determination  I  showed 
in  my  disposition  to  get  well,  he  would  bring  me 
out  all  right.  He  was  much  surprised,  however, 
when  called  a  few  days  later,  to  find  me  com- 
pletely floored  and  suffering  terribly.  His  action 
*  showed  that  the  case  was  more  serious  than  he 
thought.  But  he  brought  me  out  in  very  good 
shape  in  about  three  months. 

I  had  previously  used  a  part  of  my  money  in 
paying  old  debts,  and  part  in  supplying  my  fam- 
ily  with  suitable  clothing ;  and  after  paying  my 
doctor  and  druggist  bills,  found  myself  again 
without  a  dollar,  when  ready  to  start  out  on  the 
fifteenth  of  June. 

I  then  wrote  to  a  young  man  who  had  lived 
with  my  parents  several  years,  and  whom  I  had 
educated  in  the  polish  business  and  who  was  then 
selling  it  through  Indiana,  and  asked  him  to  loan 
me  twenty-five  dollars,  if  he  could  spare  it. 

He  immediately  sent  a  draft  for  that  amount 
and  stated  in  his  letter  that  he  had  just  eight}'- . 
five  cents  left,  but  was  glad  to  accommodate  me. 
In  reply  to  his  letter  I  assured  him  that  1  was 
certain  of  success  in  the  jewelry  business,  and 
that  as  soon  as  I  again  established  myself  in  it. 
and  could  see  a  chance  for  him.  I  would  send  for 
him  and  give  ~~    my  experience. 


MORE    HUS'LINO.  25  1 

About  a  year  later  I  brought  this  about ;  and 
having  established  a  fair  credit  ni3^self  I  had  no 
difficulty  in  also  establishing  a  credit  for  Albert., 
which  he  used  to  good  advantage  by  hus'ling  and 
selling  lots  of  goods. 

Later  on,  after  I  had  opened  a  store  of  my  own, 
I  supplied  him  with  goods  for  some  time,  extend- 
ing all  the  credit  he  needed.  This  same  young 
man  is  now  proprietor  of  a  wholesale  jewelry 
house  in  Chicago ;  and  I  dare  say  that  only  for 
his  prompt  and  liberal  action  in  responding  to 
my  request  for  a  loan  of  twenty-five  dollars,  there 
would  be  no  such  firm  in  existence  at  the  present 
time.  Therefore  it  illustrates  how  a  single  in- 
stance will  prove  the  turning  point  in  a  man's 
life. 

Albert  came  to  our  house  while  we  were  living 
at. the  old  homestead  on  the  farm,  when  he  was 
but  a  small  boy.  He  was  an  orphan,  and  had 
left  a  farmer  living  a  few  miles  away,  whom  he 
had  lived  with  for  some  time. 

The  night  he  came  there  I  happened  home 
from  one  of  my  speculative  trips,  and  after  talk- 
ing with  the  lad,  asked  my  folks  what  they  were 
going  to  do  with  him.  They  said  he  could  stay 
over  night,  and  after  breakfast  thev  "''^''■''''1  senA 
him  on  his  way  re5 


252 


MORE   HUS'LING. 


T  urged  them  to  let  him  stay,  convinced  that 
he  would  be  of  great  assistance  on  the  farm. 
The}^  concluded  to  give  him  a  trial,  with  the  sat- 
isfactory result  as  stated  above. 

If  the  reader  will  pardon  me  once  more  for  di- 
gressing from  the  subject,  I  will  here  relate  a  little 
incident  that  occurred  on  the  day  of  Albert^s  ar- 
rival in  the  city.  It  only  gcfes  to  show  how  the 
average  young  man  will  wriggle  and  tax  his 
brain  in  order  to  get  out  of  a  tight  box. 

It  often  afforded  us  much  amusement  wheu 
narrating  it,  as  being  his  initiation  into  the  great 
city  of  Chicago.  He  had  written  me  in  answer 
to  my  letter,  that  he  was  ready  to  start  at  an}' 
time;  and  as  I  had  received  an  invitation  to  attend 
a  ball  to  be  given  in  the  city  on  the  South  Side  on 
a  certain  day,  I  wrote  him  to  be  on  hand  at  that 
time  and  I  would  meet  him. 

By  this  time  I  had  begun  selling  goods  on 
credit,  and  very  often  run  a  little  short  for  cash ; 
and  it  so  happened  that  in  this  particular  in- 
stance I  arrived  in  the  city  at  seven  o'clock  in  the 
evening,  with  less  than  five  dollars  in  my  pocket 
with  which  to  visit  the  barber,  and  pay  for  oui 
suppers  and  tickets  for  the  ball. 

"Qe  had  written  iiie  that  he  .vould  have  about 


MORE    HUS'LIXG.  253 

seventy-five  dollars  cash,  and  I  felt  perfectly  se- 
cure to  start  out  with  him,  knowing  I  could  bor- 
row till  I  could  raise  it  the  next  day  iV  I  pay  him 
back. 

At  the  ball  we  met  a  couple  of  young  ladies, 
daughters  of  a  gentleman  I  had  become  ac- 
quainted with  ;  and  as  he  and  his  wife  were  talk- 
ing of  going  home  early  and  taking  the  girls  with 
them,  we^uggested  that  the}^  leave  them  in  our 
care  and  we  would  escort  them  home  later. 

This  was  agreed  to  all  around,  and  about  two 
o'clock,  when  ready  to  leave,  I  said  to  Albert : 

"  Let  me  have  five  dollars  to  pay  for  a  car- 
riage." 

"  I  haven't  got  five  dollars,  nor  even  fifty 
cents." 

"  But  a  told  nie  in  your  letter  that  yo!'  '  '"^ 
sevent     ^ve  dollars." 

"  So  I  have,  but  it's  in  a  draft," 

*'Well,  what  on  earth  are  we  tc  do?  I  navv 
spent  my  last  dollar.  Guess  we'll  have  to  take 
them  home  in  a  street-car." 

We  started,  and  reached  the  comer  of  Randolph 
and  Clark  just  as  it  set  in  to  rain.  Upon  inquiry 
we  learned  to  our  dismay  that  all-night  cars  were 
not  running  on  Randolph  slr'^^et,  and  that  tiont 
•vould  be  ninnittg  bef 


:54  MORE    HUbLlNG. 

Just  across  tlie  street,  standing  around  the 
Court  House  as  usual,  were  any  number  of  hack- 
men. 

I  was  completely  nonplussed,  and  I  don't  rec- 
ollect ever  having  been  placed  in  closer  quar- 
ters, or  in  a  position  whei'e  I  felt  more  humili- 
ated. I  thought  of  Albert's  draft,  and  stepping 
up  to  him  said  in  a  low  tone  as  quickly  as  pos- 
sible : 

"  Give  me  your  draft  and  I'll  get  it  cashed  at 
the  Sherman  House." 

He  replied  that  it  was  in  the  hotel  safe.  I 
came  near  fainting,  then  finally  said : 

"  Ladies,  please  excuse  me  one  moment.  I'll 
call  a  carriage." 

So  saying  I  stepped  across  the  street,  v/onder- 
ing  on  the  way  what  I  would  do.  I  had  no  watch 
to  leave  as  security,  nor  a  piece  of  jewelry  of  any 
kind.  Every  thing  of  this  sort  was  used  by  me 
as  stock  in  trade.  I  knew  better  than  to  ask  for 
credit,  and  realized  that  my  life  would  be  in  dan- 
ger to  hire  a  carnage  and  undertake  to  ''  stave 
them  off"  afterwards. 

So  the  reader  will  readily  understand  that  I 
was  at  my  wits'  end ;  but  at  the  last  moment  my 
seuvses  came  to  me.  and  I  instantly  thought  'jf  ^ 


MORE    HUS'LING.  255 

scheme  to  lielp  us  out.  I  asked  a  liack-man  what 
lie  would  charge  to  take  us  to  a  certaiu  street  i,nd 
number  ou  the  West  Side.  He  said  two  doll  ^rs. 
He  might  as  well  have  said  two  hundred.  I  at 
once  found  fault  with  the  price,  and  managed  to 
get  into  an  altercation  with  him  and  three  or  four 
others,  and  talked  loud  enough  for  Albert  and 
the  young  ladies  to  hear. 

As  I  approached  them  I  did  so  in  a  very  ex- 
cited manner,  with  my  hat  in  one  hand  and  a 
large  empty  pocket-book  in  the  other,  and 
roundly  cursing  all  the  cab-men  in  Chicago. 

"  What's  the  matter  ?"   asked  one  of  the  girls. 

"  Matter  ?  Great  Heavens  I  Do  you  suppose 
I'll  give  seven  dollars  to  one  of  these  robbers  to 
carry  us  over  on  the  West  Side  ?" 

"  Indeed  you  will  not,"  shouted  the  brave  little 
lady.     "  We'll  walk." 

"That's  just  what  we  will  do,"  I  cried,  as  I 
took  her  by  the  arm  and  hus'led  her  down  street, 
fearing  she  might  change  her  mind,  followed  by 
the  other  couple ;  and  we  made  a  rapid  trip,  patter- 
ing through  the  rain  and  mud,  congratulating 
ourselves  on  our  shrewdness  and  courage  in  get- 
ting even  with  the  Chicago  cab-men. 

And  now,  after  this  dig^ression,  to  resume  .* 


^56  MORE   HUS'LING. 

After  receiving  the  twenty-five  dollars  frotii 
Albert,  I  bouglit  a  few  necessaries,  and  a  ticket 
for  Chicago,  where  I  arrived  June  fifteenth,  1881, 
with  but  a  few  dollars.  I  called  immediately  or 
a  firm  I  had  dealt  with  a  little  the  year  before, 
and  of  whom  I  could  buy  goods  at  twenty-five  per 
cent,  less  than  from  the  one  I  first  began  dealing 
with. 

After  explaining  my  circumstances,  giving  ref- 
erences and  asking  the  proprietor  if  he  would  sell 
me  some  stock  on  credit,  he  said  he  would  limit  me 
to  fifty  dollars,  to  begin  with ;  and  would  increase 
it  as  my  capital  increased.  I  considered  this  rea- 
sonable, and  selected  forty  dollars'  worth.  I 
made  it  a  point  to  select  just  this  amount  on  ac- 
count of  it  having  been  exactly  the  amount  of  my 
very  first  jewelry  investment  years  before  at 
Columbus,  Ohio,  when  I  started  out  peddling. 

I  then  took  a  Goodrich  steamer  for  Muskegon, 
Michigan,  arriving  there  the  following  morning. 

I  started  out  with  a  determination  to  sell  a  bill 
of  goods ;  and  although  every  merchant  laughed 
me  in  my  face  when  I  showed  up  my  stock,  I 
kept  "  hustling,"  and  finally  struck  one  man  who 
bought  twenty  dollars'  worth.  This  enabled  me 
to  take  a  fifteen-dollar  package  from  the  express 


More  husling.  25- 

office  whicli  I  had  ordered  C.  O.  D.  from  the 
wholesaler,  after  buying  my  first  stock  on  credit. 

I  now  began  traveling  over  precisely  the  same 
territory  and  visiting  the  same  towns  and  mer- 
chants that  I  had  called  upon  the  year  before, 
when  on  my  first  trip. 

On  my  second  day  out,  at  Holton,  Michigan, 
while  sitting  in  the  hotel,  a  traveling  man  re- 
marked that  the  firm  across  the  street  was  the 
best  in  the  country  to  do  business  with,  if  a  drum- 
mer could  only  manage  to  show  his  goods  to 
them ;  but  as  they  visited  the  Chicago  market 
every  two  weeks  they  would  not  under  any  cir- 
cumstances look  at  a  drummer's  goods. 

Owing  to  the  fact  that  I  very  much  enjoyed 
calling  on  those  who  were  the  hardest  to  be  con- 
vinced, I  took  special  delight  in  making  this  firm 
a  visit.  I  carried  my  case  with  me,  and  after 
setting  it  on  the  counter  in  front  of  the  proprie- 
tor, asked  permission  to  show  him  my  goods. 
He  flew  into  a  rage,  and  declared  he  would  not 
buy  from  any  drummer.  I  still  persisted,  and 
he  continued  to  sizzle  around  at  a  fierce  rate. 
The  more  he  did  so  the  more  I  insisted  on  show- 
ing him  my  goods 

Finally,  seeing  the  titter  nselessness  of  trying 


258  MORE   HUS'LING. 

cc  get  his  attention,  I  very  quietly  pnt  the  key 
in  the  lock  of  my  case  and  unlocked  it,  and  re^ 
turned  the  key  to  my  pocket.  I  then  took  hold 
of  the  case  and  as  I  bade  him  good-bye  swung  it 
around  off  the  counter  as  if  to  leave  the  store. 
Of  course  the  top  raised  up  and  the  side  lid  fell 
down,  letting  the  trays  fall  cut  on  the  floor^  the 
same  as  occurred  on  the  railroad  track.  The 
jewelry  scattered  all  over  the  floor,  and  I  began 
to  apologize,  and  told  him  of  my  wretched  disas- 
ter once  before  with  the  same  case.  I  was  very 
sorry  to  annoy  him  with  such  an  accident.  He 
saw  at  once  that  I  was  to  all  appearances  very 
much  embarrassed,  and  in  a  sympathetic  manner 
assured  me  that  there  was  no  harm  done,  so  far 
as  he' was  concerned,  and  began  helping  me  to 
gather  up  the  goods. 

As  I  picked  up  one  piece  after  another  I  would 
call  his  attention  to  them,  and  say :  "  That  is  one 
of  the  best  sellers  I  ever  saw;"  "this  is  the 
latest  style; "  and  "  here  is  an  article  of  the  most 
peculiar  design  I  ever  saw." 

In  the  meantime  he  became  interested,  and  be- 
gan asking  prices ;  and  finally  gave  me  an  order 
for  from  one-half  to  a  dozen  each  of  a  nice  assort- 
ment of  goods.     I  at  once  saw  that  he  supposed 


MORE    HUS'LINa.  250 

I  was  selling  by  sample,  and  took  his  order  for 
about  three  times  the  amoun  of  my  stock  in 
trade.  I  sent  the  order  in  t(  tis*  house,  and  they 
filled  it  and  gave  me  my  commission,  which 
"   amounted  to  nearly  fifty  dollars. 

When  I  returned  to  the  hotel  and  informed  the 
gentleman  whom  I  had  gottet  my  information 
from  that  I  had  taken  such  an  oruer,  he  was  much 
surprised.  Of  course  I  was  not  so  indiscreet  as 
to  relate  how  I  had  accomplished  it.  After  I  had 
become  better  acquainted  with  this  firm,  and  they 
had  become  regular  customers,  I  related  the  facts 
to  them,  much  to  their  amusement. 

I  continued  to  hus'le,  as  before.  My  health 
was  not  first-class,  but  I  improved  rapidly,  and  was 
very  soon  in  a  better  condition  physically  than  I 
had  been  for  years.  My  success  was  fair  during 
the  summer.  I  visited  Chicago  frequently,  and 
succeeded  in  establishing  a  limited  credit  of  two 
hundred  dollars  with  my  new  firm,  but  found  it 
a  hard  matter  to  accomplish  that  much.  I  made 
good  use  of  it,  however,  and  when  the  busy  sea- 
son was  approaching  for  the  fall  and  holiday 
trade  I  determined  to  strike  for  a  larger  credit. 
This  was  not  only  with  a  view  to  extending  my 
business,  but  I  realized  that  at  the  rate   I  was 


26o  MORE    HUS'LING. 

progressing,  I  would  soon  want  to  establish  a  busi- 
ness of  my  own,  and  unless  tbere  was  some  whole- 
sale jeweler  to  whom  I  could  refer  the  Eastern 
manufacturers,  I  would  have  a  hard  time  to  get 
a  start. 

When  I  asked  the  manager  of  the  concern  for 
an  extension  of  credit  he  said  I  could  extend  it  a 
little.  I  therefore  began  selecting  a  stock  of 
goods,  which  I  insisted  on  having  billed  as  fast 
as  I  picked  them  out.  That  night,  when  I  had 
finished  and  had  the  goods  in  my  cases  (I  now 
carried  two),  and  had  them  charged  on  the  books 
and  the  bills  for  them  in  my  pocket,  and  was 
about  ready  to  start  for  the  train,  the  proprietor 
chanced  to  discover  that  I  had  bought  nearly  one 
thousand  dollars'  worth.  He  threw  up  both  hands 
in  holy  horror  and  declared  I  should  never  leave 
the  store  with  all  those  goods. 

I  informed  him  that  the  goods  had  been  prop- 
erly billed  and  charged  to  me,  and  I  had  legal 
possession  of  them  ;  and  as  my  train  was  to  leave 
soon  it  was  my  intention  to  take  my  departure. 

I  pointed  to  the  front  windows  and  reminded 

him  and  about  twenty  clerks  who  stood  looking 

on,  that  we  were  about  three  stories  up,  and  the 

'  first  man  who  laid  a  hand  on  me  or  my  goods 


MORE   HUS'LING.  261 

would  land  through  one  of  those  windows  on  the 
sidewalk  below,  if  I  had  to  go  down  with  him. 

Saying  which,  I  grabbed  rnj  cases,  and  with 
the  further  remark:  "Gentlemen,  make  room 
for  me  now;  I  am  ready  to  start,"  passed  out 
with  not  a  word  spoken,  and  everything  as  quiet 
as  death. 

Two  or  three  of  the  clerks  were  good  friends 
of  mine,  and  were  only  too  glad  to  see  me  force 
a  credit  for  myself ;  and  I  doubt  if  they  could 
have  been  induced  to  interfere  had  Mr.  Streicher 
demanded  it. 

The  first  town  I  visited  on  this  trip  was  Ocon- 
to, Wisconsin,  which  I  reached  the  following 
morning;  and  before  nine  o'clock  I  had  made  a 
cash  sale  of  one  hundred  and  fifty  dollars,  and 
went  immediately  to  the  express  office  and  re- 
mitted it  to  the  house.  And  as  business  was 
brisk  I  remitted  from  one  to  three  hundred  dol- 
lars per  day  to  them.  In  a  few  days  I  received 
a  letter  from  Mr.  S.  offering  me  a  credit  of  two 
or  three  thousand  dollars,  if  I  needed  it. 

I  congratulated  myself,  and  no  one  else,  for", 
this  much-needed  and  desirable  credit,  realizing 
that  had  I  let  him  have  his  way  I  would  have 
been  ten  years  gaining  his  confidence  to  this 
extent 


262  MORE    HUS'LING. 

I  now  began  to  "  turn  myself  loose,"  and  with 
my  nice  line  of  goods  there  was  no  such  thing  as 
failure.  I  found  it  as  easy  to  make  a  hundred 
dollars  now,  as  one  dollar  at  any  previous  time 
in  my  life.  I  visited  Chicago  often  to  buy  new 
stock. 

While  speaking  of  Mr.  Streicher  (pronounced 
Striker) ,  a  little  incident  connected  with  his  name 
occurred  about  this  time,  which  may  prc»ve  inter- 
esting to  the  reader. 

He  was  about  to  make  a  trip  to  New  York,  and 
as  Albert  and  myself  were  contemplating  a  visit 
home  we  concluded  to  accompany  him  that  far 
on  his  journey.  My  folks  had  often  heard  us 
speak  of  the  gentleman,  so  when  we  arrived  at 
Toledo,  Albert  said  he  would  telegraph  them  to 
meet  us  at  the  depot,  as  they  would  no  doubt  be 
glad  to  see  him.  He  therefore  sent  a  message 
as  follows :  "  Meet  us  at  the  noon  train  with 
Streicher." 

The  telegraph  operator  at  Clyde  "  bulled  "  the 
message,  and  copied  it,  "  Meet  us  at  the  noon 
train  with  stretcher." 

It  so  happened  that  I  met  some  friends  at  To- 
ledo who  persuaded  me  to  remain  there  till  the 
next  day.     Albert  and   Mr.  Streich'er  went  on, 


MORli   iiLb'LING.  263 

and  when  they  alighted  from  the  train  at  Clyde 
the  platform  was  packed  with  people.  It  being 
Sunday,  every  one  had  turned  out.  The  under- 
taker, Mr.  Terry,  with  his  ambulance,  and  a 
stretcher  placed  on  the  platform  near  where  the 
express  car  usually  stopped,  Mr.  Keefer  and 
my  half-sisters  greatly  agitated,  and  my  mother 
crying,  as  Albert  and  Mr.  S.  approached  them, 
both  wondering  at  the  unusual  excitement. 

"  Where  is  Perry  ?  What  has  happened  to 
Perry  ?     Is  he  dead,  or  only  hurt  ?" 

These  inquiries  were  made  hurriedly,  and  when 
informed  that  nothing  had  happened  they  asked 
why  he  had  telegraphed  for  a  stretcher. 

"  Stretcher,"  said  Albert,  "  you're  crazy !  I 
didn't  telegraph  for  ja.  stretcher,  but  said  meet 
Streicher  and  me  at  the  noon  train."  . 

When  the  facts  became  known,  the  assemblage 
seemed  to  look  upon  the  matter  as  a  good  joke 
upon  themselves,  and  wended  their  way  home- 
ward looking  disgusted  and  disappointed,  plainly 
showing  that  their  morbid  curiosity  had  not  been 
quite  satisfied. 

The  next  day,  when  I  arrived  and  had  been 
told  of  the  occurrence,  I  asked  Albert  what  my 
mother  said. 


264  MORE    HUS'LING. 

"Well,  she  said  she  expected  Perry  would  be 
killed  sooner  or  later  any  how," 

"What  did  Mr.  Keefer  say?" 

"Oh,  he  said,  'It  beat  the  devil.*  " 

We  spent  a  few  days  pleasantly  at  home,  and 
then  returned  to  Chicago  and  to  business. 

I  continued  to  travel  over  the  same  territory, 
visiting  my  old  customers,  whom  I  soon  became 
better  acquainted  with,  and  secured  as  regular 
patrons.  I  visited  them  about  once  every  sixty 
days,  and  at  the  same  time  worked  up  as  much 
new  trade  as  possible. 

I  will  here  tell  how  I  made  my  first  sale  to  a 
merchant  Vho  was  notable  for  "firing  agents 
out,"  and  who  has  been  my  customer  ever  since. 

I  was  traveling  through  Minnesota,  and  when 
at  the  hotel  in  a  small  town,  became  engaged  in 
.conversation  with  several  drummers,  who  were 
all  loud  in  their  condemnation  of  one  of  the  lead- 
ing merchants  there,  who  had  never  treated  any 
one  of  them  civilly.  I  remarked  that  I  believed 
I  could  sell  him  a  bill  of  goods.  One  of  them 
said  if  I  could  he  would  buy  me  a  new  hat. 

I  went  out  on  the  street  and  stepped  up  to 
the  first  country  fellow  I  m<^t,  a.nd  handing  him 
a  two-dollar  bill,  said ; 


MORE    liUS'LING.  265 

"  I  want  you  to  go  down   to   Mr. 's  stort 

and  wait  till  I  come  in,  and  as  I  am  about  to 
leave  the  store,  you  ask  me  to  sell  you  a  finger 
ring,  and  when  I  offer  to  do  so  you  select  one  and 
pay  for  it  with  this  money,  and  I  will  give  you 
the  ring  for  your  trouble." 

He  agreed  to  my  proposition  and  immediately 
went  over  to  the  store. 

With  my  two  cases  I  followed  directly  after 
him,  and  setting  them  down  stepped  up  to  the 
proprietor  and  asked  permission  to  show  my 
goods.  He  was  very  gruff,  and  refused  to  listen 
to  me  at  all.  I  picked  up  my  cases  saying, 
"  Good-bye  sir,"  when  my  country  friend  stepped 
up  and  said :  *'  Mister,  you  are  selling  jewelry,  I 
see.    Can't  you  sell  me  a  ring  ?" 

"  Well,  yes,  I  can  if  Mr. is  willing  to  let 

me  show  it  to  you  in  his  store." 

The  merchant  said  he  had  no  objection,  as  he 
had  no  jewelry  to  sell  and  never  expected  to 
have. 

I  then  opened  the  case  that  contained  all  of 
my  carded  goods,  and  spread  all  the  trays  out  on 
his  counter.  Not  finding  any  rings  in  that  case, 
I  was  obliged  to  open  the  other ;  and  as  the  rings 
were  at  the  very  bottom  I  was  compelled  to  take 


266  MORE   HUS'LING. 

out  every  tray  before  reaching  them.  These  I 
also  spread  out  on  his  counter,  and  finally  sold 
the  young  man  a  ring. 

In  the  meantime  nearly  all  of  his  customers — 
and  the  store  was  crowded — were  looking  at  my 
goods  and  handling  them  over.  I  stepped  up  to 
the  merchant,  and  thanking  him  for  his  kindness 
handed  him  one  dollar,  merely  mentioning  the  fact 
very  quietly  that  I  had  only  one  price,  and  that 
I  had  sold  the  ring  at  just  twice  the  wholesale 
price,  and  the  dollar  belonged  to  him.  He  cried 
out,  as  he  took  the  money : 

"Good  gracious!  I  hope  you  didn't  charge 
the  man  that  much  profit." 

I  assured  him  that  such  a  thing  was  a  very 
common  occurrence ;  and  to  further  satisfy  him 
I  made  several  sales  right  then  and  there,  and  in 
each  instance  gave  him  half  the  receipts. 

Again  thanking  him  for  his  kindness,  I  began 
packing  up  when  he  said: 

"Just  wait  a  moment,"  and  stepping  to  the 
stairway,  opened  the  door  and  called  to  his  wife 
to  come  down.  She  did  so,  and  in  less  than  twGl 
hours  I  had  sold  and  delivered  to  them  nearly 
three  hundred  dollars'  worth,  and  had  the  cash 
m  mv  pocket 


MORE    HUS'LING.  267 

Wlien  I  reported  this  sale  to  the  traveling  men 
at  the  hotel  thej^  could  hardly  believe  me,  and 
were  not  wholly  convinced  till  they  called  at  the 
store  and  saw  the  jewelry. 

My  trade  continued  to  be  first-class  during  the 
holidays,  clearing  me  considerable  money. 

I  lost  no  time  after  the  holidays,  but  kept  on 
traveling  while  other  drummers  were  laying  off 
for  the  dull  season,  and  succeeded  well. 

When  the  following  spring  trade  opened,  my 
business  increased,  and  continued  to  be  good  till 
late  in  the  summer,  when  I  began  to  think  some 
of  opening  an  office  in  Chicago,  and  buying  di- 
rect from  the  manufacturers,  who  are  almost  ex- 
clusively located  at  Providence,  Rhode  Island, 
and  Attleboro,  Massachusetts. 

In  July  I  was  at  Hscanaba,  Michigan,  and  hap- 
pened to  meet  Mr.  Weil,  of  Henry  Weil  &  Co., 
■  wholesale  jewelers  of  Chicago ;  and  after  half  an 
hour's  conversation  with  him  he  showed  me  a 
line  of  gold  rings,  and  sold  and  delivered  to  me 
right  on  the  spot,  nearly  five  hundred  dollars' 
worth  on  four  months'  time. 

I  then  made  known  to  him  my  anxiety  to  open 
an  office  iu  Chicago,  and  buy  direct.  He  said  he 
t'ould  and  would  helr>  me  to  do  so.  and  offered  me 


268  MORE   HUS'LING. 

desk  room  in  his  office  till  1  could  afford  to  rent 
a  room  of  my  own. 

The  following  month  I  visited  the  city  and 
called  on  him,  and  he  gave  me  a  letter  of  recom- 
mendation to  the  eastern  manufacturers.  I  also 
procured  letters  from  several  others,  with  whom 
I  had  had  either  a  business  or  social  acquaint- 
ance, and  started  for  New  York,  where  the  man- 
ufacturers all  had  representatives. 

On  my  way  there  I  stopped  at  Bronson,  Mich- 
igan, and  at  Clyde,  Ohio,  and  paid  all  of  my  old 
debts,  with  eight  per  cent,  per  annum  interest  for 
the  whole  time  I  had  owed  them.  I  paid  one 
man  two  hundred  and  nine  dollars  for  a  note  of 
one  hundred  and  forty  dollars,  and  another  man 
one  hundred  and  seventy-five  dollars  for  a  note  of 
one  hundred  and  twenty-two ;  and  still  anothei 
ninety  dollars  for  a  note  of  fifty,  besides  various 
open  accounts  for  merchandise  bought,  and  for 
borrowed  money  ;  in  all  amounting  to  nearly  one 
thousand  dollars. 

One  gentleman  I  called  on  had  almost  forgot- 
ren  me  as  well  as  the  debt  I  owed  him,  and 
when  I  said : 

"  I  believe  you  have  an  account  against  me,*' 
he  looked  up  over  his  spectacles  and  remarked, 
as  though  he  co  lish  to  refer  to  it 


MORE   HUS'LING.  j^q 

«'Ves,  but  it  has  been  'iutlawed  for  some 
time." 

"Did  the  law  balance  yotir  books?"  I  asked- 

"No,  sir,  but  it  canceled  the  debt." 

"Indeed  it  did  not,  so  far  as  I  am  concerned; 
and  for  once  I'll  prove  myself  more  powerful 
than  the  law  by  balancing  up  your  books,  which 
is  something  it  can't  or  at  least  won't  do." 

So  saying,  I  produced  a  roll  of  bills  and,  after 
figuring  up  and  adding  eight  per  cent,  per  an- 
num for  the  entire  time  the  account  had  been 
running,  paid  the  amount  over  to  him. 

He  said  he  had  often  censured  himself  for  hav- 
ing trusted  me  to  so  much ;  but  he  was  now  only 
too  sorry  that  it  hadn't  l^een  a  great  deal  more, 
as  it  was  the  first  and  only  money  he  had  ever 
drawn  interest  on,  and  in  consequence  had  never 
realized  how  fast  it  accumulated. 

After  settling  everything  up  in  full,  I  let  Mr. 
Keefer  have,  at  his  request,  one  hundred  and  fiity 
dollars,  and  proceeded  on  to  New  York.  I  called 
at  my  uncle's  store  immediately,  for  the  first 
time  since  my  three  weeks'  stay  with  him  when 
a  boy.  He  was  away  on  a  business  trip,  but  ''the 
old  stand,"  with  all  its  fixtures,  looked  exactly  as 
it  did  the  day  I  left,  seventeen   years  before 


270  MORE   HUS'LING. 

There  seemed  to  be  no  necessity,  however,  fbi 
any  change,  as  trade  appeared  to  be  more  brisk 
than  ever.  I  was  anxious  to  meet  my  uncle  and 
have  him  go  with  me  to  the  manufacturers'  offi- 
,ces  and  introduce  me,  but  as  he  v/ould  not  be 
'home  for  a  couple  of  days  I  considered  life  too 
short  to  wait,  and  concluded  to  introduce  myself. 

I  went  down  town,  and  the  first  man  I  met  in 
Maiden  Lane  was  a  traveling  agent,  a  Mr.  Med- ' 
bury,  who  visited  Chicago  regularly,  and  who 
recognized  me  while  I  was  standing  on  the  cor- 
ner, reading  signs  and  looking  for  numbers.  He 
came  up  and  asked  if  I  wasn't  the  fellow  who  car- 
ried off  the  bulk  of  Mr.  Streicher's  store  in  my 
endeavor  to  establish  a  credit.  I  told  him  I  was. 
He  then  took  me  into  the  of&ce  of  his  firm,  S.  & 
B.  Lederer,  and  after  introducing  me,  went  on  to 
recount  what  Mr.  Streicher  used  to  say  whenever 
I  visited  his  store. 

This  man,  Streicher,  was  a  little  sharp  Hebrew, 
who  was  always  looking  for  the  best  end  of  the 
bargain,  but  would  sell  goods  cheaper  than  an}' 
other  wholesaler  in  the  country.  I  saw  his  na- 
ture at  once,  and  immediately  became  as  aggress- 
ive as  possible,  and  always  ready  to  take  mf  own 
part     The  result  was,  it  seems,  that  I  succeeded 


MORE    IIUS'LING.  271 

in  making  it  very  unpleasant  for  him.  The  boys 
used  to  relate  that  whenever  my  name  was  men- 
tioned, he  would  throw  up  both  hands  and  say : 

''  Oh,  mine  Gott !  Every  time  dot  fellow  come 
in  mine  store  he  drive  me  crazy.  I  lose  my  head. 
He  carry  oflf  all  my  nice  goods  and  tell  me  tc 
charge;  and  when  I  say  I  don't  do  it,  he  say,  '  I 
trow  you  out  dot  tree-story  window ;'  and  if  my 
clerks  don't  suit  him  he  discharge  them  and  hire 
new  ones ;  if  I  don't  buy  to  suit  him  when  agents 
call,  then  he  buy  to  suit  himself  and  charge  to 
me.     To  the  devil  with  such  a  man !" 

After  recei-*.ng  an  introduction  to  this  firm,  I 
presented  my  letters,  and  explained  what  I 
wanted. 

They  assured  me  that  my  reference  was  per- 
fectly satisfactory,  and  they  would  be  glad  to  sell 
me  all  the  goods  I  needed  in  their  line,  and  there- 
upon sold  me  the  first  bill  of  goods  I  purchased 
from  the  manufacturers. 

During  the  interview  I  mentioned  that  John^ 
ston  the  jeweler,  on  the  Bower}^,  was  an  uncle  of 
mine.  One  of  the  firm  replied  that  that  was  in 
my  favor.  There-after  I  did  not  forget  to  men- 
tion him  to  every  manufacturer  I  called  upon  ; 
and   soon  learned   that  his    original   scheme  of 


t^i  More  hus'ling. 

buying  "  Duplicate  Wedding  Presents  "  had  made 
him  widely  known.  I  was  then  ready  to  forgive 
him  for  not  having  made  any  changes  in  his 
store  during  my  seventeen  years'  absence. 

I  found  no  difficulty  in  buying  all  the  goods  I 
needed  on  credit,  amounting  to  several  thousand 
dollars'  worth,  to  be  shipped  at  once^  and  to  be 
paid  for  in  from  sixty  days  to  four  months. 

After  receiving  my  stock  from  New  York,  I 
opened  up  with  headquarters  at  Mr.  Weil's  of' 
fice.  Number  57  Washington  street,  and  was  ready 
to  start  out  on  the  nineteenth  of  September. 
Now  came  the  necessity  for  greater  hus'ling  than 
ever,  as  I  must  be  prompt  in  the  payment  of 
my  bills,  if  I  expected  to  establish  myself  in 
the  confidence  of  the  manufacturers. 

With  this  thought  uppermost  in  my  mind  I 
worked  almost  day  and  night,  and  I  believe  X 
sold  as  many,  if  not  more,  goods  in  my  special 
line  in  one  month  than  was  ever  sold  by  any  one 
man  before  or  since.  At  any  rate,  later  on,"  when 
I  had  seven  agents  on  the  road,  not  a  single  one 
of  them  ever  sold  as  many  goods  in  a  whole  year 
as  I  sold  the  first  month  I  traveled,  after  estab- 
lishing business  for  myself. 

The  result  was,  that  before  my  bills  were  due 


MORE   HUS'LING.  273 

1  had  paid  up  half  of  my  indebtedness,  and  when 
the  balance  came  due  I  had  the  money  to  pay  up. 
in  full,  and  did  so.  There-after  my  trade  was  ca- 
tered for  by  the  best  of  manufacturers.  - 

To  give  the  reader  a  better  understanding  of 
the  hard  work  put  in  by  me  during  that  first 
month,  I  will  relate  one  instance  in  which  I 
called  one  of  my  customers  out  at  a  very  dubious 
hour  and  sold  him  a  bill  of  goods. 

It  was  at  Boyne  City,  where  I  had  arrived  at 
one  o'clock  in  the  morning,  after  having  worked 
hard  all  the  day  and  evening  before  in  selling  a 
couple  of  very  large  bills.  On  reaching  there  I 
learned  that  the  only  boat  leaving  for  Charlevoix 
within  the  next  twenty-four  hours  w^as  to  leave 
at  six  o'clock -in  the  morning;  and  as  I  must 
make  that  town  next,  I  determined  to  rout  my 
Boyne  City  customer  up  at  once,  sell  him  what 
he  needed,  and  take  the  first  boat. 

He  lived  over  his  store,  and  as  there  was  an 
outside  stairway,  I  went  up  and  called  and  rapped 
loudly  on  the  door. 

The  dog  barked  furiously,  and  judging  from  the 
noise,  must  have  knocked  the  cook-stove  down, 
and  t^  -e  cat  got  covered  up  in  a  tin  boiler  and 
tn?*^"     q     ternble    racket :    the    children    began 


2  74  MORE   HUS'LING. 

screaming,  and  uiy  customer's  wife  shouted  **  mur- 
der !"  at  the  top  of  lier  voice.  I  stood  my 
ground,  and  kept  rapping.  He  grabbed  the  old 
*6jiot-gun  ai?d  yelled : 

"Who  is  there?" 

"Johnston." 

"Johnston  the  fisherman?'^ 

"  No." 

"Johnston  from  the  lumber  camp  ?" 

"No  sir,  Johnston  the  jewelry-man." 

"From  Chicago?" 

"  Yes  sir,  from  Chicago ;  and  I  want  to  sell 
you  a  bill  of  jeweliy  right  away." 

"  Goodness'  sakes  !  Can't  you  call  to-morrow  ?" 

"  No  sir ;  business  is  too  brisk.  I  must  sell  to 
you  to-night  so  I  can  leave  on  the  morning  boat." 

The  whole  family  got  up  and  came  down  stairs 
in  the  store,  and  I  finished  up  with  them  about 
five  o'clock  in  the  morning,  after  selling  a  large 
bill  of  goods. 

On  my  arrival  at  Charlevoix  I  found  several 
traveling  men  at  the  hotel,  and  among  them  one 
who  was  traveling  for  a  wholesale  grocery  house. 
While  I  was  busy  arranging  my  jewelry  before 
calling  on  my  customers,  I  heard  this  man  say : 

"  I  had  big  sales  yesterday.     T  sold  a  car-load 


xMORE    HUS'LING.  275 

each  of  rice,  nutmegs,  cinnamon  and  pepper,  be- 
sides three  hundred  barrels  of  flour,  and  as  man}- 
chests  of  tea." 

On  hearing  this  statement  I  immediately  rec- 
ognized the  voice,  and  remembered  having  heard 
the  same  story  before,  somewhere.  Upon  look- 
ing at  the  speaker  I  also  recognized  his  face,  and 
turning  to  those  present,  said  : 

"  Gentlemen,  I  know  this  man  sold  that  many 
goods,  for  I  heard  him  tell  the  same  story  at  St. 
Mary's,  Ohio,  about  four  years  ago,  and  I  know 
it's  true  or  he  wouldn't  keep  telling  it." 

Of  course  he  was  offended  and  insulted,  ^d 
denied  the  charge ;  but  when  I  recalled  to  his 
mind  the  hat  trade  I  made  with  him  and  the  dol- 
lar he  paid  me  to  boot,  he  laughed,  and  said  he 
remembered  it ;  but  he  laughed  more  heartily 
when  I  told  him  it  was  a  put-up  job,  and  how 
glad  I  was  to  get  the  dollar.  I  then  gave  him  a 
nice  rolled-plate  vest-chain- — an  article  he  very 
much  needed,  and  which  made  him  feel  that  his 
dollar  had  been  well  invested. 

When  the  first  of  January  came  I  found  my- 
self in  very  good  shape,  with  a  satisfactory  profit 
for  my  year's  work. 

I  now  began  thinking  about  opening  an  estab- 


276  MORE  HUS'LING. 

lishment  of  my  own.  About  this  time  Mr.  Weil, 
with  whom  I  still  made  my  headquarters,  in- 
formed me  that  he  was  going  to  retire  from  the 
jewelry  business,  and  offered  to  sell  his  large 
safe,  all  the  office  fixtures  and  a  large  stock  of 
jewelry,  to  me,  and  give  me  all  the  time  I  needed 
to  pay  for  them.  As  his  prices  were  low  enough, 
and  terms  all  that  could  be  desired,  I  jumped  at 
the  chance,  and  in  a  few  days  found  myself  in 
his  debt  several  thousand  dollars. 

When  I  saw  his  shrewdness  in  picking  me  up 
— a  total  stranger — and  helping  to  push  me 
"to  the  front"  and  to  where  he  could  make  good 
use  of  me  himself,  I  could  but  admire  him  for  it,' 
and  felt  more  than  ever  likfe  patronizing  him,  as 
it  seemed  to  me  like  encouraging  enterprise  to 
do  so.  I  have  never  had  reason  to  regret  my 
dealings  with  him,  and  as  he  is  a  man  of  large 
means  and  wide  influence,  and  has  repeatedly 
given  me  to  understand  that  he  stood  ready  to 
back  me  for  any  amount,  I  have  reason  to  be- 
lieve that  he  has  no  complaints  to  make  of  my 
business  transactions. 

After  buying  him  out  I  rented  an  office  and 
store-room  of  my  own  at  243  State  Street,  where 
i  am  still  located,  and  began  9  genuine  v»?hole- 
sale  iewelrv  business. 


MORE   HUS'LING.  277 


CHAPTER   XXXIII. 

EMPLOYINf^  TRAVELING  SALESMEN — DEPRESSION 
IN  TRADE — ^ HEAVILY  IN  DEBT — HOW  I  PRE- 
SERVED MY  CRflDIT — I  TAKE  TO  THE  ROAD 
AGAIN — ^TRAVELlNG  BY  TEAM — DECIDING  A 
HORSE-TRADE — M\'  BOOK-KEEPER  PROPOSES 
AN  ASSIGNMENT — i  REJECT  THE  PROPOSI- 
TION— COLLECTING  OLD  DEBTS  BY  STRAT- 
AGEM. 

While  traveling  in  Northern  Michigan  I  came 
across  a  young  man  clerking  in  a  dry-goods  store 
in  a  small  iron-mining  town,  who  expressed  a  de- 
sire to  go  on  the  road  for  me  as  traveling  agent. 
His  employer  said : 

"  Oh,  Bert  is  thoroughly  honest  and  trustwor- 
thy, and  naturaPy  a  capable  fellow ;  but  I  think 
he  is  rather  too  unsophisticated  to  act  in  that  ca- 
pacity, as  I  don't  believe  he  has  ever  visited  a 
town  of  over  three  hundred  inhabitants  in  his 
life." 

I  replied  that  he  was  just  the  sort  of  chap  I 
was  looking  for.     I  wanted  a  man  who  wouW  be 


278  MORE  HUS'LINO. 

likely  to  listen  to  my  advice  and  instructions, 
and  a  man  of  wide  experience  would  not  be  apt 
to  do  so. 

I  made  arrangements  witli  the  young  man  to 
return  to  Chicago  with  me.  His  manner  at  once 
convinced  me  that  he  meant  business,  and  was 
determined  to  succeed.  But  for  all  that,  and 
with  the  most  kindly  feelings  towards  him,  I 
must  admit  that  every  move  he  made,  after  arriv- 
ing in  the  city,  reminded  me  of  myself  on  my  first 
trip  to  New  York.  In  fact,  with  the  exception 
of  the  difference  in  ages,  he  was  a  regular  Josh- 
ua Whitcomb.  I  felt  almost  obliged  to  lasso 
him  to  prevent  him  from  following  off  band  wag- 
ons and  chasing  fire  engines  around  town.  He 
was  particularly  fond  of  dime  museums  and  the 
*'  knock-'em-down  and  drag-'em-out "  Wild-west- 
ern plays ;  and  I  saw  the  necessity  of  getting 
him  started  on  the  road  as  soon  as  possible,  be- 
fore he  should  become  stage-struck.  I  had  two 
sample-cases  made,  and  took  him  on  the  road 
with  me  through  Michigan.  I  took  particular 
pains  to  impress  upon  his  mind  the  necessity  of 
curtailing  expenses,  and  often  reminded  him  that 
the  occasional  saving  of  'bus  and  carriage  fares 
from  the  hotel  to  the  depct,  when  he  had  pleutj; 


MORE   HUS'LING.  279 

of  time  to  walk,  would  be  no  disgrace  to  him  or 
his  House.  I  also  pointed  out  the  foolishness  of 
spending  money  with  merchants  in  treating,  or 
in  other  words,  attempting  to  bribe  them  by  treat- 
ing, as  that  was  something  I  had  never  yet  done 
myself,  and  would  not  be  responsible  for  any  such 
expense.  I  fully  believed  that  the  average  sales- 
man lost  as  often  as  he  gained  by  this  practice. 
(I  still  believe  it.) 

He  was  rather  inclined  to  rebel  against  this, 
and  said  he  was  certain  that  it  would  often  be- 
come almost  necessary  to  spend  a  little  money  in 
that  way  in  order  to  hold  trade.  I  persisted  that 
business  should  be  conducted  on  business  princi- 
ples only,  and  not  socially  or  on  the  strength  of 
friendship ;  and  it  would  only  be  necessary  to  call 
on  a  merchant,  introduce  his  business  at  the  very 
earliest  possible  moment,  get  through  as  soon  as 
possible,  and  immediately  take  his  departure; 
and  if  he  had  any  loafing  to  do,  do  it  at  the  ho- 
tel ;  and  above  all,  to  spend  very  little  time  in 
trying  to  become  better  acquainted.  By  these 
methods,  if  he  didn't  make  a  good  impression  he 
would  be  quite  certain  not  to  make  a  bad  one. 

His  penchant  for  telling  funny  stories  made 
him  known  to  those  with  whom  he  came  in  con- 


2  8o  MORE    HUS'LING 

tact  as  "  tlie  man  of  infinite  but  unpointed  jest,*^ 
so  as  a  matter  of  precaution  I  requested  him  to 
always  defer  telling  stories  till  his  next  trip. 

I  convinced  him  that  all  successful  salesmen 
worked  from  early  morning  till  late  at  night,  and 
that  a  dollar-a-day  hotel,  in  a  small  country  town, 
would  not  be  a  disgraceful  place  to  spend  a  Sun- 
day.  The  result  was,  he  traveled  the  first  year 
at  a  wonderfully  light  expense,  and  sold  more 
goods  than  the  average  high-salaried  salesman. 

He  was  not  long,  however,  in  becoming  sophis- 
ticated, and  was  soon  able  to  roll  up  as  nice  an 
expense  account  as  any  of  the  boys. 

The  second  year  after  I  began  business  for  my- 
self who  should  call  at  my  office  one  day  and  ap- 
ply for  a  position  as  traveling  agent  but  my  old 
friend,  Dr.  Frank,  who,  it  will  be  remembered, 
traveled  through  Ohio  with  me  selling  the  "  In- 
comprehensible," and  whom  I  dubbed  Doctor  af- 
ter we  set  the  old  lady's  aukle.  I  had  not  heard 
from  him  for  years,  but  he  had  been  in  Michi- 
gan all  the  time  since  he  left  me ;  and  in  conse- 
quence of  having  received  a  letter  from  me  ad- 
dressing him  as  Dr.  Frank  he  had  been  callea 
Doctor  by  every  one,  and  so  concluded  to  be* 
corr?  9.  physician,  and  had  '^pent  one  \nnter  9* 


MORE   HUS'LING.  28 1 

Ann  Arbor,  in  the  Medical  College,  attending 
lectures.  I  hired  him  at  once,  and  sent  him  011 
the  road.  I  also  engaged  five  other  men,  later  in 
the  season,  and  sent  each  of  them  out  with  a  large 
stock  of  goods.  They  weft  all  certain  of  an  im- 
mense holiday  trade,  and  were  extravagant  in 
their  demands  for  a  large  stock  to  supply  it. 

I  had  been  prompt  in  the  payment  of  all  bills, 
and  had  become  quite  well  acquainted  with  all 
the  manufacturers.  They  called  on  me  in  large 
numbers,  urging  me  to  buy,  and  wouldn't  take 
no  for  an  answer.  Bach  was  positive  that  I  could 
not  run  another  month  without  their  special 
styles,  and  as  I  could  buy  on  long  time  and  sell 
on  short  time  I  could  easily  see  my  way  out. 

About  two  months  before  the  holidays,  the  bot- 
tom fell  completely  out  of  the  fall  trade.  My 
agents  began  to  complain,  and  each  advised  me 
not  to  buy  any  more  goods.  They  were  too  late, 
however,  as  I  had  bought  goods  enough  to  supply 
a  dozen  agents.  Their  sales  amounted  to  simply 
nothing.  A  day  or  two  before  Christmas  the}' 
began  straggling  in,  one  after  another,  with  their 
trunks  and  sample-cases  full  of  goods. 

My  safe,  and  every  nook  and  comer  of  my  of 
6ce,  were  all   filled  with   goods ;  and   when    ray 


282  MORE  HUS'LING, 

bills  became  due  I  had  nothing  but  goods.  Two 
weeks  after  the  holidays  I  sent  my  men  out  again 
and  kept  them  hus'ling.  Of  course  they  were 
bound  to  sell  more  or  less  goods,  but  it  was  up- 
hill work.  • 

I  gave  my  particular  attention  to  satisfying 
Eastern  creditors,  and  managed  to  do  so  more  by 
writing  letters  and  acknowledging  my  indebted- 
ness, and  promising  fair  dealing,  than  by  making 
remittances.  As  fast  as  any  one  of  the  last  five 
agents  I  had  hired  would  sell  off  his  goods  I 
would  order  him  in  and  discharge  him.  In  this 
way  I  reduced  my  stock  without  having  to  buy 
but  few  new  goods,  and  very  soon  had  but  two 
men  on  the  road.  These  two  were  Dr.  Frank  and 
Bert,  who  were  both  good  men,  and  perfectly  re- 
liable. 

On  the  seventeenth  of  January,  this  same  year 
— 1884 — I  was  married  to  Miss  Anr.a  H.  Emmert, 
of  Chicago,  (my  present  wif3),La'Hrig  long  since 
been  legally  separated  from  my  first,  and  she  al- 
ready married  again. 

My  second  wife  had  received  a  thorough  busi- 
ness education,  although  but  eighteen  years  of 
age,  and  immediatel}^  began  taking  an  interest 
in  the  management  of  my  office  affafr.« ;  ''tid  fr  m 


MORK    HTTS'LING.  283 

that  time  until  the  present  has  been  of  incalcula 
ble  help  to  nie. 

I  had  no  knowledge  whatever  of  book-keeping, 
while  she  was  an  expert ;  and  since  my  force  of 
clerks,  book-keepers  and  type-writers  has  run  up 
to  between  thirt}^  and  fifty,  there  has  never  been 
a  time  Mdien  she  couldn't  more  than  acceptably 
fill  any  of  their  positions  ;  and  during  our  last 
holiday  trade  in  our  busiest  season  she  took  the 
place  and  kept  up  the  work  of  three  different  em- 
ployes during  their  temporary  absence.  And 
this  in  addition  to  a  general  oversight  of  the  en- 
tire force,  which  she  makes  her  regular  line  of 
duty. 

The  summer  following  our  marriage  my  wife's 
health  began  failing.  As  I  had  already  become 
convinced  that  it  was  necessary  that  I  should 
again  go  on  the  road,  I  decided  to  buy  a  pair  of 
horses  and  carriage  and  travel  with  them,  and 
let  my  wife  accompany  me.  Our  physician  said 
nothing  could  be  more  beneficial  to  her  than  such 
a  campaign. 

So  after  employing  competent  help  to  take 
charge  of  our  office,  we  were  ready  to  start  out. 
Soon  after  our  decision  to  travel  I  traded  a  dia- 
mond ring  for  a  horse,' harness  and  buggy,  an^ 


284  MORE  HUS'LING. 

not  being  able  to  buy  a  ma-;e  to  the  animai  m 
CiLicago  at  a  satisfactory  price,  we  shipped  oui 
stock  of  goods  and  horse  and  buggy  to  Grand 
Haven,  Michigan,  by  boat.  I  also  bought  a 
double  harness  in  Chicago  and  shipped  with  the 
rig,  and  we  crossed  on  the  same  boat. 

On  our  arrival  there  I  began  searching  for  an- 
other horse,  and  succeeded  in  finding  one  to  suit 
me,  which  I  bought  in  less  than  ten  minutes  af 
ter  fhe  owner  showed  him  to  me.  I  then  had  a 
pole  fitt-cd  to  my  carriage,  and  by  noon  of  that 
day  Ve  were  under  full  sail  for  Northern  Michi- 
gan. 

The  first  excitement  I  furnished  my  wife  on 
that  trip  occurred  about  an  hour  after  our  depart- 
ure from  Grand  Haven,  and  was  in  the  shape  of 
a  horse  trade.  We  were  traveling  through  a 
thick,  heavy  wood,  when  we  met  a  sewing-ma- 
chine agent.  I  saw  at  once  that  he  was  driving 
an  animal  that  exactly  matched  the  one  we 
brought  from  Chicago. 

I  bantered  him  for  a  trade. 

He  stopped,  and  after  looking  over  the  horse  1 
had  just  bought,  said  he'd  trade  for  seventy-fivc 
dollars. 

cm  g^ve  you  fifty  dollars." 


< 

en 
O 


ijRBANA 


MORE   HUS'LING.  287 

He  then  offered  to  trade  for  sixty.  I  still  of- 
fered fifty. 

"  Make  it  five  dollars  more,  and  it's  a  trade," 
said  lie. 

"I'll  tell  you  what  I'll  do.  I'll  wrestle  you, 
run  a  foot-race,  or  spit  at  a  mark,  to  see  whether 
I  shall  pay  five  dollars  extra  or  not." 

He  "  sized  me  up  "  for  a  moment,  and  said  iie 
guessed  he'd  wrestle  with  me ;  and  asked  me  to 
name  my  hold.    I  proposed  "rough-and-tumble." 

We  then  laid  off  our  coats  and  took  hold,  and 
in  much  less  time  than  it  takes  to  tell  it  my  heels 
and  hat  were  flying  in  the  air,  and  a  second  later 
I  found  myself  sprawling  in  the  middle  of  the 
road  on  my  back. 

After  rising  to  his  feet  he  was  about  to  put  his 
coat  on,  when  I  asked  if  he  was  going  to  give  up. 

"  Give  up?  Great  Caesar!  didn't  I  throw  you 
fair  and  square  ?" 

"  Yes,  you  did  that  time ;  but  the  best  three  in 
five  is  what  wins  where  I  came  from." 

"  All  right,  sir.     Three  in  five  goes,  then." 

By  this  time  we  had  gotten  rested,  and  took 
hold  again.  I  felt  in  my  bones  that  my  five  dol- 
lars was  a  goner,  but  determined  to  do  my  best, 
and  managed  to  make  it  pretty  lively  for  him. 


288  MORE    HUS'LING. 

Finally,  however,  he  landed  me  again  squarely 
on  my  back. 

While  taking  a  rest  he  remarked  that  '*  side* 
hold"  was  his  favorite  way  to  wrestle, 

I  told  him  that  I  also  preferred   "  side-hold.'* 

The  fact  was,  I  preferred  almost  anything  for 
a  change.  I  couldn't  see  that  I  was  likely  to 
lose  much,  at  any  rate,  and  was  glad  to  accept 
almost  anything.  A  moment  later  my  wife 
called  time,  and  we  took  "  side-hold." 

For  some  unaccountable  reason  I  felt  more 
confident,  and  in  less  than  two  seconds  I  had 
him  on  his  back.  I  then  began  laughing  and 
told  him  I  had  only  been  fooling  with  him,  and 
asked  how  he'd  like  to  divide  the  five  dollars  and 
call  it  a  draw.  He  was  extremely  good-natured, 
and  seemed  to  enjoy  the  sport  as  much,  if  not 
more,  than  I  did,  but  said  he  wasn't  the  "draw" 
kind;  and  if  I  expected  to  get  any  part,  or  the 
whole  of  that  five  dollars  I'd  have  to  do  some 
tall  wrestling.  I  have  often  thought  since  that 
the  fellow  must  have  known  what  he  was  talking 
about,  for  when  he  took  hold  of  me  the  fourth 
round,  one  would  have  thought  he  was  about  to 
decide  a  bet  of  thousands  of  dollars. 

I  took  in  the  situation  at  once,  and  the  thought 


MORE   HUS'LING.  289 

Uppermost  in  my  mind  was  to  try  to  save  my 
neck,  regardless  of  the  five  dollars. 

I  was  not  mistaken  when  I  thought  I  saw 
"blood  in  his  eye/  for  sure  enough  he  proved 
himself  a  terror,  and  in  less  time  than  any  pre- 
vious round  he  again  had  my  heels  in  the  air 
and  landed  me  on  my  back  the  third  time. 

I  acknowledged  myself  vanquished,  and  after 
paying  him  the  fifty-five  dollars,  we  exchanged 
horses  and  separated  on  the  best  of  terms. 

A  few  moments  later,  after  my  wife  and  1  had 
started  on  with  our  new  horse,  I  asked  her  how 
she  liked  traveling.  She  laughed  heartily  at 
the  absurdity  of  our  plan  for  deciding  the  trade, 
and  replied  that  with  the  recreation,  excitement 
and  change  of  climate,  she  thought  that  I  would 
improve  in  health  whether  she  did  or  not. 

I  soon  discovered  that  my  scheme  of  traveling 
oy  team  was  going  to  be  just  the  thing  to  help 
me  sell  off  the  large  surplus  of  goods  which  I 
still  had  on  hand.  I  had  always  done  the  bulk 
of  my  business  with  general-store  merchants. 

On  this  trip  we  learned  that  there  was  a  gen- 
eral stagjiation  in  trade,  and  especially  with  this 
class  of  goods;  and  to  undertake  to  push  more 
jewelry  on  those  who  then^^^  mor^  than  they 


290  MORE   HUS'LING. 

needed  and  more  than  they  could  pay  for,  would 
be  foolish  and  unbusiness-like.  1  also  found 
that  my  agent  who  had  been  traveling  through 
that  section,  had  sold  to  anybody  and  everybody, 
regardless  of  credit-standing,  or  responsibility. 

I  quickly  decided  to  adopt  a  new  system  of  op- 
eration. 

On  referring  to  my  map  and  commercial  book 
I  found  any  number  of  what  are  termed  Cross- 
Road  stores, — that  is,  merchants  residing  and 
doing  business  off  the  railroads,  and  in  very  small 
towns  where  traveling  agents  were  not  likely  to 
stop.  I  could  find  any  number  of  these  right  on 
the  lines  of  roads  where  my  agents  had  been 
traveling,  and  where  I  had  considerable  money 
due  me,  which  I  was  anxious  to  collect. 

I  began  at  once  by  calling  on  this  class  oi 
trade.  Business  was  exceedingly  dull  with  all 
of  them,  and  as  I  hardly  ever  found  a  single  one 
who  had  experimented  with  the  sale  of  jewelry, 
I  found  but  little  difficulty  in  convincing  the 
majority  that  the  only  thing  they  lacked  to 
boom  their  trade  was  a  stock  of  my  goods.  At 
any  rate,  I  found  my  sales  running  four  or  five 
times  as  high  as  any  one  of  my  agents  had  been 
making,     I  managed  to   keep  in  range  of  the 


MORE    HUS'LING.  29 1 

larger  towns  where  money  was  due  me  from  old 
sustomers,  and  would  make  it  a  point  to  call  on 
them  and  demand  an  immediate  settlement  of 
some  kind.  If  they  couldn't  pay  cash,  I  would 
take  notes,  which  could  be  used  as  trade  paper 
with  my  creditors,  by  endorsing  the  same. 
.  About  this  time  I  received  a  long  confidential 
letter  from  my  book-keeper,  saying  he  had  been 
looking  over  the  books  carefully,  and  found  that 
I  was  o\ving  twenty-six  thousand  dollars  which 
was  past  due,  besides  what  was  not  yet  due ;  and 
as  there  wasn't  a  dollar  in  the  bank,  and  the  ma- 
jority of  our  customers  were  not  prompt  in  the 
payment  of  their  bills,  he  couldn't  see  how  I  ever 
expected  to  pull  through ;  then  after  apologizing 
for  offering  me  advice,  suggested  that  I  return 
at  once,  and  make  a  clean  breast  of  it  by  making 
an  assignment;  and  after  settling  up  for  from 
twenty-five  to  fifty  cents  on  the  dollar,  I  could 
commence  on  a  new  and  firmer  basis. 

I  replied  to  this  letter  as  soon  as  I  could  get 
hold  of  pen  and  paper.  I  reminded  him  that  I 
had  never  thus  far  received  an  unpleasant  com- 
munication  from  a  single  one  of  my  creditors. 

In  other  words,  I  had  never  yet  received  what 
sni^ht  be  considered  a  dunning  letter,  but  on  the 


292  MORE  HUS'LING. 

contrary  nearly  every  one  of  them  had,  in  one 
way  or  another,  given  me  to  understand  that 
they  had  implicit  confidence  in  me,  and  were 
willing  and  glad  to  favor  me  all  they  cou'd.  I 
also  explained  to  him  my  new  sys!;em  of  operat- 
ing, and  showed  him  how  I  expected  to  sell 
goods  and  collect  money  too. 

I  then  closed  my  letter  by  saying  that  in  the 
future,  if  he  entertained  an  idea  that  I  had  got 
to  fail  in  business,  I  wished  he  would  kindly  keep 
it  to  himself,  as  there  would  be  time  enough  for 
me  to  consider  the  matter  after  my  creditors  had 
become  dissatisfied;  and  added  that  as  far  as  I 
was  personally  concerned,  I  intended  to  stick  to 
the  wreck  as  long  as  there  was  a  hand-hold  left; 
and  that  I'd  pay  one  hundred  cents  on  the  dollar 
if  I  had  to  collect  my  bills  at  the  muzzle  of  a 
shot-gun.  I  then  cautioned  him  about  keeping 
up  my  plan  of  letter-writing,  and  assured  him 
that  at  that  particular  stage  of  the  game  a  good 
letter  would  often  take  the  place  of  a  small 
check;  and  that  I  should  depend  upon  h'im  to 
**  hold  them  down,"  while  I  would  keep  hus'ling 
and  turn  our  stock  into  cash,  as  well  asfo  collect 
up  closely;  and  with  this  system  properly  man 
iDuiated  there  would  very  soon  be  a  perceptibif 
char^je 


'  "  MORE    HUS'Lm(^.'  2Q3 

In  answer  to  this  he  said  he  was  going  to  treat 
it  as  a  personal  letter,  and  intended  to  keep  it  for 
future  reference,  in  case  he  or  any  of  his  friends 
should  ever  get  in  close  quarters;  he  believed 
that  as  I  had  now  hit  on  a  plan  for  unloading 
our  large  stock  of  goods,  and  with  my  determi-^ 
nation  and  bull-dog  tenacity,  he  felt  certain  of 
success. 

This  was  the  last  time  I  ever  heard  the  word 
"assignment"  used  in  connection  with  my 
business,  and  I  hope  circumstances  will  never 
bring  it  up  again. 

My  wife  and  I  continued  on  through  the 
northern  part  of  the  lower  peninsula  oi  Michi- 
gan, and  I  must  say,  that  although  my  business 
affairs  were  considerably  muddled,  I  never  made 
a  more  enjoyable  trip  than  this.  After  my  sep- 
aration with  Flo.  I  had  often  declared  that  I 
would  never  marry  again;  and  I  now  saw  where 
I  might  have  made  a  serious  mistake,  had  I  ad- 
hered to  that  declaration.  With  a  wife  full  of 
hope,  and  a  determination  to  do  all  In  her  power 
for  my  comfort  and  happiness,  and  a  particular, 
faculty  for  working  hand  in  hand  with  me,  I 
could  see  a  bright  future,  even  in  the  darkest 
days  of  my  financial  trouble. 


294  MORE   HUS'LING. 

We  continued  to  trade  horses  occasionally,  o^ 
at  least  often  enough  to  break  the  monotony; 
and  after  we  had  been  out  a  few  weeks,  I  traded 
jewelry  for  a  handsome  pair  of  ponies,  harness 
and  carriage.  My  wife's  health  improved  rap- 
idly ;  she  found  considerable  amusement  at  first 
in  driving  this  team,  following  after  me.  Very 
often,  when  we  would  find  it  convenient  to  do  so, 
I  would  give  her  a  case  of  goods  and  let  her 
drive  to  some  distant  store  and  make  a  sale  while 
I  would  drive  to  another  town,  and  we  would 
meet  at  still  another  point  at  night. 

I  agreed  to  give  her  ten  per  cent,  on  all  the 
goods  she  could  sell  to  any  new  customer,  and 
on  all  they  would  buy  in  the  future.  She 
made  several  customers  in  this  way,  and  as  we 
are  still  selling  them  lots  of  goods,  they  are 
known  to  our  book-keepers  as  Anna's  customers, 
and  she  never  fail's  to  call  regularly  for  her  com- 
missions. When  she  became  tired  of  driving  the 
ponies  I  traded  them  off. 

We  had  some  queer  experiences  that  summer 
in  making  collections.  One  firm  had  been  owing 
me  one  hundred  and  twenty  dollars  for  a  long 
time,  and  at  last  the  entire  establishment  was 
turned  over  to  the  man's  wife  and  the  business 


-MORE   HUS'LING.  295 

carried  ou  in  her  name.  This  was  at  Farwell, 
Michigan. 

We  drove  up  in  front  of  the  store,  and  I  went 
in  to  see  what  the  chances  were  for  collecting. 

I  was  informed  by  the  wife  that  her  husband 
was  absent  from  the  store.  I  told  her  my  namey 
and  called  her  attention  to  the  fact  that  she  had 
in  her  show-case  a  lot  of  jewelry  my  agent  had 
sold  her  husband  on  credit. 

She  said  that  didn't  make  any  difference ;  she 
had  bought  him  out,  and  those  goods  were  hers. 

I  then  said : 

"  Madam,  I  am  going  to  have  you  arrested." 

"What  for?" 

"  For  grand  larceny." 

Her  clerk  laughed  me  in  the  face ;  but  she 
changed  color,  and  calling  me  into  the  back  room, 
said : 

"  Where  did  you  ever  know  me  before  ?  Were 
you  ever  in  Pittsburg  ?" 

"  Where  did  I  know  you  ?  Were  I  ever  in 
Pittsburg  ?  Well,  you'll  find  out  where  I  knew 
you,  and  whether  I  was  ever  in  Pittsburg,  before 
you  get  through  with  me.  I'll  have  you  locked 
ttp  inside  of  ten  minutes  if  you  don't  settle  with 
1K£,*''  saying  which  I  started  out 


296  MORE    HUS'LING. 

She  called  me  back,  and  in  much  agitation 
said: 

"Now  see  here;  there  is  not  a  soul  in  this 
town  knows  that  I  have  ever  been  married  before, 
tend  if  I  have  committed  larceny  by  not  getting-  a 
divorce  from  my  first  husband,  it  will  do  you  no 
good  to  have  me  arrested,  and  will  only  make 
me  lots  of  trouble." 

I  saw  that  I  had  her  cornered,  and  immedi- 
ately took  advantage  of  it,  and  said : 

**  Madam,  just  think  of  it !  a  woman  with  two 
husbands !  Don't  you  know  that  larceny  is  one 
of  the  worst  offenses  a  person  can  be  guilty  of, 
in  this  state  ?  I  am  surprised  that  a  woman  01 
your  intelligence  should  take  the  desperate 
chance  of  committing  larceny,  and  grand  lar- 
ceny at  that." 

She  asked  what  the  difference  was  between 
larceny  and  grand  larceny,  in  a  case.     I  replied; 

''Grand  larceny  is  a  case  where  a  woman 
Jeaves  her  first  husband  in  one  state  and  marries 
her  second  in  another  without  a  divorce;  and 
twenty  years  in  the  penitentiary  is  a  very  com- 
mon sentence  for  grand  larceny  in  Michigan/' 

By  this  time  she  was  trembling  with  fear,  and 
^aid  she  would  pay  me  in  full  if  I  would  agree 


MORE    HUSLING.  29; 

"jever  to  mention  her  name  in  connection  with 
tliat  larceny  affair. 

I  assured  her  that  all  I  wanted  was  my  pay, 
and  I  would  never  molest  her  again. 

She  then  returned  to  the  store  and  paid  me 
the  cash.  I  had  just  given  her  a  receipt  in  full 
when  her  husband  made  his  appearance  and 
asked  what  she  was  doing. 

She  replied  that  I  was  Johnson,  the  proprietor 
of  the  wholesale  jewelry  house  that  he  had  been 
dealing  with. 

He  turned  to-  me  and  said : 

**See  here!  I  paid  your  agent  for  those  goods 
when  I  bought  them  " 

"  Did  you?  Well,  your  wife  has  been  kind 
enough  to  pay  for  them  again,  and  I  guess  the 
receipt  I  just  gave  her  is  about  the  only  one  you 
can  produce." 

She  then  called  her  husband  and  myself  to 
the  adjoining  room,  and  quickly  turning  to  him, 
said  very  excitedly : 

"See  here,  John.  This  man  knows  me,  and 
knows  that  I  committed  larceny,  and  grand  lar- 
ceny at  that,  and  was  going  to  have  me  arres — " 

"Larceny,  did  you  say?"  he  interrupted, 
'  what  in have  vou  been  stealin'?" 


298  xMORE   HUS'LIiNG. 

"  Well,  I  hain't  stole  nothin',  Joiin ;  but  you 
know  I  hain't  got  no  divorce  from  Uriah,"  she 
answered. 

"Oh,    divorce   be   !    you    infernal    fool. 

That's  bigamy,  you  idiot :  not  larceny." 

I  then  began  to  laugh,  and  said  to  him  : 

"  Mr. J  do  you  remember  writing  me  a 

letter,  once  upon  a  time,  telling  me  to  go  to  the 
devil  for  that  account,  and  that  it  would  be  a  cold 
day  when  I  got  my  pay ;  and  I  answered  you, 
saying  that  I  would  some  day  catch  you  napping 
and  get  even  with  you  ?" 

His  wife  saw  her  mistake  at  once,  and  looked 
and  acted  silly  enough. 

He  ripped  and  tore  and  swore,  and  threatened 
to  throw  me  out ;  but  I  told  him  he  needn't  be  to 
that  trouble,  as  I  was  ready  to  leave,  and  would 
go  out  alone. 

The  next  hard  case  I  had  came  up  a  few  days 
later.  We  drove  into  Reed  City,  and  soon  learned 
that  our  customer  had  sold  out  three  days  before. 
We  then  went  to  the  hotel,  and  after  putting  our 
team  out  I  begfan  a  search  for  my  man,  and  was 
informed  that  iie  v/as  carrying  about  two  thou- 
sand dollars  around  in  his  pocket,  and  had  re- 
fused to  pay  any  one.     There  were  any  number 


MORE    HUS'LING.  299 

of  creditors  at  the  hotel,  who  had  been  trying  to 
collect,  but  were  not  successful. 

I  called  on  the  man  who  had  bought  him  out, 
and  was  assured  that  he  had  paid  him  eighteen 
hundred  dollars  cash,  and  furthermore,  that  he 
carried  that  money  in  his  pocket. 

Half  an  hour  later  I  met  the  delinquent,  and 
said: 

"  How  are  you,  Mr. ?     Come  into  the 

hotel  and  take  a  cigar." 

He  did  so,  and  I  said : 

"  It's  too  bad  you  have  had  such  poor  success. 
What  are  you  going  to  do  now?" 

He  looked  very  serious,  and  said  he  didn't 
know. 

I  then  invited  him  up  to  my  room,  where  I  was 
going  to  fix  up  some  trays  of  jewelry.  He  fol- 
lowed me,  and  as  soon  as  we  were  inside  I  closed 
the  door,  locked  it,  put  the  key  in  my  pocket, 
threw  off  my  hat  and  coat,  took  out  my  watch, 
and  holding  it  in  my  hand,  said: 

"  Mr.- ,  I'll  give  you  just  two  minutes 

by  my  watch  to  pay  me  ninety-nine  dollars,  and 
if  you  don't  do  so  within  that  time  I'll  not  prom- 
ise tha  there  will  be  a  grease-spot  left  of  you 
when  I  get  through.     I  want  you  to  distinctly 


300  MORE   HUS'LING. 

understand  that  I  am  out  on  a  collecting  tour, 
and  I  mean  money  or  blood;  so  now,  sir,  take 
your  choice;  Either  settle  or  take  the  consc' 
quences;  you  have  less  than  two  minutes  to 
decide  in. 

He  turned  pale,  and  became  much  excited, 
and  declared  he  hadn't  a  cent  with  him. 

'  Then  it's  your  misfortune,  sir.  I'm  going  to 
'do  you  jp'  or  collect  ninety-nine  dollars  right 
now,  whether  you  have  a  cent  with  you  or  not; 
you  deserve  it  anyhow." 

"Johnson,  what  can  I  do?"   said  he. 

"  Settle;  settle,  of  course;  and  you  now  have 
but  one  minute  to  do  it  in,  and  I'm  not  certain 
but  it  will  be  your  last  minute  on  earth  if  you 
don't. 

"  Well,  Johnson,  suppose  I  settle  with  you, 
will  you  agree  not  to  let  my  other  creditors 
know  it?  " 

"  No  sir,  I'll  not  agree  to  anything  of  the 
kind;  on  the  contrary,  I  shall  tell  every  one  just 
how  I  brought  you  to  terms,  and  you  have  but 
a  half  minute  left."  . 

He  then  produced  a  leather  pocket-book  filled 
with  bills  of  large  denomination,  and  counted 
me  out  ten  ten-dollar  bills. 


MORE    HUS'LIXG. 


301 


I  thanked  him,  and  told  him  I'd  just  "keep  the 
extra  dollar  for  interest,  and  then  wrote  him  a  re- 
ceipt in  full.  He  said  he  intended  to  pay  me» 
anyhow.  I  told  him  I  intended  he  should,  and 
•asked  how  he  liked  mj^  system. 

He  looked  foolish,  and  said  he  thought  I'd 
come  out  winner,  if  I  didn't  get  killed  some  day 
in  trying  to  collect  He  further  said  that  he'd 
bet  I'd  run  across  some  one  some  day  who  would 
give  me  a  good  trouncing. 

I  told  him  I  had  it  all  figured  out  that  I  could 
afford  to  take  one  good  threshing  for  every  five 
dead  beats,  provided  I  could  collect  from  th€ 
other  four. 


302  MORE   HUS'LING. 


CHAPTER  XXXI\. 

IU!70THER  HORSE  TRADE — A  HEAVY  LOSS— PLA¥ 
ING  DETECTIVE — MY  VISIT  HOME — A  RETRO' 
SPECT-— CALLING  IN  MY  AGENTS — ^A  NEW 
SCHEME — IT^S  A  WINNER — MR.  KEEPER  ANC 
MY  MOTHER  VISIT  CHICAGO—HIS  VERDICT, 
"rr  DOES  BEAT  THE  DEVIL." 

We  continued  to  travel  by  team,  and  my  greal 
stronghold  was  to  collect  bad  debts,  many  pi 
wbich  I  collected  almost  by  forces 

On  this  trip  one  of  our  horses  became  lame, 
and  one  morning  just  as  we  were  ready  to  start 
oui  f '.oE.'  the  hotel  a  gentleman  came  driving  up 
with  a  fin:2-looking  span  of  horses,  that,  although 
appearing  rather  green  and  awkward,  made  a 
very  handsome  and  stylish  pair.  He  stopped 
near  our  carriage,  and  I  inquired  how  old  his 
horses  were.     He  said  four  years.     I  asked : 

"  How  will  you  trade  learns  with  me  ?" 

After  looking  my  horses  over  carefully,  and 
without  leaving  his  carriage,  he  replied : 


2; 

o 

w 
-< 

> 


URBANA 


MORE    HUS'LING.  305 

*  For  one  hundred  and  twenty-five  dollars  to 
joot." 

"  All  right,  sir.  Here  is  your  money,"  and  I 
counted  it  out  and  handed  it  over  to  him. 

"  But  what  sort  of  a  team  are  you  trading  me?" 

"  No  matter,  sir.  You  have  got  your  money, 
so  unhitch,  and  I'll  do  the  same.'* 

He  hesitated  a  moment,  but  when  the  crowd  of 
men  standing  by  began  laughing  at  him,  he 
'commenced  to  unhitch. 

Before  leaving  him  I  remarked  that  I  had  too 
.auch  business  on  hand  to  spend  any  time  with 
a  lame  horse,  nor  did  I  care  to  dicker  a  minute 
on  a  horse-  trade. 

Ten  miputes  later  we  were  driving  off  with  a 
pair  of  colts  that  had  neier  been  hitched  or 
driven  but  three  times. 

We  finished  our  business  in  Northern  Michi- 
gan, and  drove  this  team  home,  where  I  broke 
them  to  drive  tandem. 

The  following  spring  I  started  on  the  road 
ivv4th  my  team  hitched  tandem  to  a  two-wheeled 
mrt  with  my  advertisement  on  the  side  and  back. 

A.  few  weeks  later  I  hired  a  Mr.  Rhodes  to 
travel  for  me,  and  he  took  charge  of  the  tandem 
•4-3TT1    Qti*1    t'TPvelef'    MHth    <-hem       TTiev    made    a 


306  MORE    HUS'LING. 

splendid  advertisement  for  my  business  and  it 
aras  looked  upon  by  our  customers  as  quite  a 
novel  way  to  travel, 

I  now  remained  at  home  and  liad  my  hands 
jtull  looking  after  the  failures  that  were  coming 
thick  and  fast  It  seemed  to  me  that  every  other 
man  who  failed  was  owing  me. 

Dr,  Frank  was  still  with  me  and  rendered  very 
valuable  .service  in  the  collection  of  hard  accounts. 
He  had  not  entirely  gotten  over  his  pugilistic 
propensities,  and  whenever  I  found  it  necessary 
tO  instruct  him  to  call  on  a  dead  beat  and  "  bring 
something  back  with  him,"  he  generally  returned 
with  a. wad  of  money  or  a  wad  of  hair. 

About  this  time  I  had  a  little  experience  my- 
self, at  a  town  in  Ohio,  which  might  be  worth 
mentioning.  One  of  my  customers,  a  retail  jew- 
eler, was  owing  me  over  eleven  hundred  dollars. 
As  we  could  get  no  word  from  him  in  answer  to 
our  request  for  a  remittance,  we  made  a  draft  on 
him,  and  were  informed  by  the  banker  that  the 
firm  had  "  gone  up  '*  three  or  four  weeks  before ; 
also  that  the  store  was  being  run  by  a  man  who 
'=;ad  bought  it  at  sheriff's  sale  to  satisfy  a  chattel 
fiiortgage.  Only  two  months  before,  I  had  re- 
a  statemetii     from     the    proprietor,    who 


MORE    HUSLIXG. 


307 


:iaiined  that  the  stock  was  free  from  incuin- 
biauce,  and  everything  in  good  shape.  So  I  con- 
cluded that  an  open  swindle  had  been  perpetra- 
ted. 

I  took  the  train  for  the  town  where  he  was  do- 
ing business,  and  on  my  anival  learned  thac  the 
other  creditors  had  been  there  ahead  of  n-.e,  and 
not  one  had  succeeded  in  getting  the  least  satis- 
faction. I  visited  the  store,  and  could  not  see  a 
single  article  in  the  show  cases  that  I  could  iden- 
tify as  goods  I  had  sold  him.  This  alone  con- 
vinced me  more  than  ever  that  I  had  been  swin- 
dled completely  out  of  my  goods. 

I  instituted  a  vigorous  search  for  a  clew  of  some 
kind  \\-hich  might  lead  to  their  discovery,  but 
without  success ;  and  was  just  about  tc  leave 
town  vv'hen-I  inquired  if  the  late  jewelry  firm  had 
employed  any  clerks  or  errand  boys  before  coj- 
kqjsing. 

Upon  learning  that  they  had  employed  a  small 
boy  then  residing  with  the  ex-manager,  and  re- 
alizing that  my  chances  for  getting  information^ 
from  that  quarter  would  be  pretty  slim.  I  inquired 
if  the  lad  had  any  relatives  living  there.  The 
hotel  clerk  told  me  that  his  father  and  sister  wqtq 
living  but  a  short  distance  away,  and  pointed  out 


3o8  MORE   HUS'LING. 

the  house  to  me.  I  called  at  once,  but  with  no* 
an  inkling  of  an  idea  of  what  I  would  say  or  do 
when  I  should  be  admitted ;  and  trusting  implic- 
itly to  the  inspiration  of  the  moment. 

When  I  rapped  at  the  door,  it  was  opened  by  ? 
tall,  lank,  angular  and  cadaverous-looking  young 
woman  of  about  eighteen,  who  by  the  way  was 
big  enough  to  peddle  grind-stones. 

I  was  surprised  to  learn  that  she  was  a  sister 
of  the  lad  referred  to,  as  I  had  gotten  the  impres- 
sion that  she  was  much  younger. 

The  instant  I  saw  the  style  of  person  I  had  to 
deal  with,  it  occurred  to  me  that  a  little  stratagem 
might  be  worth  several  hundred  dollars  to  me,  if 
properly  directed,  just  at  that  particular  time. 
Without  a  moment's  reflection,  and  before  she 
had  time  to  offer  me  a  chair,  I  stepped  back  as  if 
greatly  amazed,  and  said : 

"  Miss ,  I  never  was  more  surprised — I 

never  saw  anything  like  it — I  can't  believe  my 
own  eyes — it  seems  like  a  dream." 

*'  What  do  you  mean  ?" 

"  Why,  do  you  know,  you  are  the  exact  image 
of  a  young  lady  I  was  once  engaged  to ;  and  she 
died  on  the  very  day  set  for  the  wedding,  7 
never  saw  anything  like  it!" 


< 

o 

w 


UNIVERSITY 


MORE    HUS'LING.  31I 

I  then  told  her  my  name  and  business.  She 
had  often  heard  her  brother  speak  of  such  a 
wholesale  jewelry  house  ;  and  I  could  see  that 
she  was  on  her  guard,  And  probably  knew  more 
than  she  intended  to  convey.  Convinced  of  this^ 
I  felt  certain  that  I  had  made  a  good  beginning, 
and  that  the  first  thing  for  me  to  do  was  to  pour 
love  into  her  ear,  and  win  her  over  to  my  side  if 
possible.  So  I  returned  to  my  former  subject 
without  delay,  and  after  repeating  the  statement 
that  she  was  the  image«of  my  deceased  love,  I 
told  her  that  she  was  the  first  and  only  person  I 
^ad  ever  met  since  that  sad  day,  who  interested 
me. 

She  smiled  serenely,  and  did  not  seem  dis 
pleased 

I  next  asked  her  if  she  was  married. 

She  was  notj  and  declared  there  was  no  favor- 
able prospect. 

I  replied  that  perhaps  her  prospects  were  bet- 
ter than  she  supposed. 

She  smiled  again,  and  seemed  even  less  dis- 
pleased than  before,  and  moved  her  chair  nearer 
mine. 

I  then  "'^egan  talking  at  a  rapid  rate,  giving  hei 
no  chance  whatever  to  express  herself,  and  direct 


312  MORE   HUS'LING. 

ing  my  remarks  in  a  way  that  would  cause  hei 
to  think  I  was  matrimonially  inclined.  By  this 
time  she  had  finished  chewing  ofif  one  corner  of 
her  apron  and  had  tackled  the  other.  Her  eyes 
were  fairly  dancing  with  delight. 

Her  cheeks  had  flushed  considerably,  and  she 
seemed  at  a  loss  to  know  what  to  do  with  her 
brawny  hands  and  ponderous  feefc. 

I  quickly  observed  that  my  scheme  was  work- 
ing to  a  charm  and  continued  my  love-making, 
asserting  myself  boldljf ;  then  to  test  her  feeling 
in  the  matter,  I  asked  her  to  express  herself 
freely,  without  hesitation,  as  I  didn't  care  to  have 
my  affections  trifled  with. 

Then  drawing  her  chair  nearer  mine,  she  re- 
marked, in  her  most  fascinating  manner,  that  the 
only  feller  she  ever  did  like  had  red  hair  and  a 
large  red  moustache;  then,  having 'finished  up 
the  apron,  she  blurted  out : 

"  How  many  times  you  ben  married  ?  Mebbe 
you  got  one  or  two  wives  neow." 

"  For  gracious'  sake !  do  you  think  I  look  as 
though  I'd  ever  been  married?  I  guess  I'll 
leave." 

"Well,  I  don't  know 's  you  do;  but  you  look 
like  you'd  make  an  awful  iiice  man." 


MORI-:  iiL'si.i\(i.  313 

She  moved  her  chair  still  closer  to  mine. 

I  now  thought  it  the  proper  time  to  spring  a 
little  tragedy  on  her.  Suddenly  changing  the 
subject  by  referring  to  the  late  jewelry  firm's 
failure,  I  confidential! j-  informed  her  of  my  greai" 
loss.  Then  I  jumped  to  m}^  feet,  and  a  moment 
later  began  prancing  around  the  room,  raving 
like  a  maniac.  After  that  I  related  to  her  how  I 
had  placed  confidence  in  those  scoundrels,  and  as 
my  loss  was  so  severe  unless  I  should  be  fortunate 
enough  to  get  my  goods  back.  I  would  soon  be  a 
ruined  man  financially. 

Her  sympathies  were  at  once  aroused,  and  she 
began  to  show  signs  of  a  desire  to  say  or  do  some-  ■ 
thing  in  my  behalf,  when  suddenly  she  changed 
her  mind  and  became  silent.  I  talked  more 
love,  and  immediately  got  another  spell  on,  and 
pranced  around  but  a  few  times  when  she  made  a 
dash  for  me  ;  and  as  I  caught  her  before  she  had 
time  to  make  a  complete  fall,  she  straightened 
up,  and  placing  her  hands  on  my  shoulders,  said : 

"  Mr.  Johnston,  dare  I  tell  you  what  I  know  ?" 

''  Yes,  you  dare." 

"Well,  I'll  tell  you  something;  but  please 
don't  give  me  away." 

T  assured  her  that  her  name  would   never  be 


314  MORE    HUS'LING. 

mentioned.  So  she  told  me  that  I  would  find 
several  packages  of  jewelry  and  watches  in  the 
bureau  drawers,  at  the  house  of  a  certain  family 
then  in  town.  Her  brother  had  told  her  this. 
I  thanked  her,  and  would  have  kissed  her  had 
she  not  been  so  beastly  homely. 

I  bade  her  good-bye,  promising  to  return  soon, 
and  started  for  my  lawyer's  office,  consoling  my- 
self as  I  wejit  with  the  thought  that  an  hour  and 
a-half  courtship  would  not  be  likely  to  break  her 
heart  or  drive  her  crazy,  when  she  should  learn 
the  facts  of  the  case. 

After  detailing  to  the  lawyer  the  information  1 
had  gained,  we  decided  to  proceed  to  a  Justice  of 
the  Peace  and  get  out  a  search  warrant  for  the 
goods  and  a  State  warrant  for  the  arrest  of  the 
ex-manager.  My  legal  adviser  explained  to  me 
that  the  searching  of  a  person's  residence  without 
finding  what  we  were  after,  might  result  seri- 
ously, as  the  owner  could  enter  suit  against  me 
for  damages. 

While  I  was  not  desirous  of  gettiiag  into 
trouble  by  such  procedure,  I  was  nevertheless 
anxious  to  procure  my  goods,  and  determined  to 
risk  it. 

While   the   lawyers  were  making  out  the  pa 


MORE    M.rS'LIXC.  315 

oers  I  went  to  the  hotel,  and  while  there,  was 
called  upon  by  the  ex-manager,  who  apparently 
realized  that  there  was  something  in  the  wind, 
n.nd  showed  plainly  that  he  was  nervous  and  ex- 
cited. 

He  asked  ray  intentions,  telling  me  he  would 
aid  me  all  he  could  in  finding  the  former  propn- 
etor. 

I  requested  him  to  accompany  me  to  the  Jus- 
cice's  office ;  and  there  I  showed  him  the  war- 
■^ants,  and  told  him  they  would  be  ready  to  serve 
in  about  one  minute.  As  we  had  an  officer  pres- 
ent to  serve  the  papers,  he  began  to  feel  himself 
geXting  into  close  quarters.  So  calling  me  to  one 
side  he  .asked  if  I  would  be  willing  to  drop  the 
matter  if  he  would  turn  over  to  me  eleven  hun- 
dred dollars'  worth  of  goods. 

'' J'll  take  fifteen  hundred  dollars'  worth,  and 
drop  it ;  that  amount  will  pay  me  for  all  my 
trouble  and  expense." 

"  But  I  haven't  got  only  thirteen  hundred  and 
fifty  dollars'  worth.  I'll  give  you  all  I  have,  and 
the  stock  consists  o^"  the  choices-*"  line  of  solie 
gold  jewelry  and  watches.'' 

1  accepted  his  offei ,  of  course.  The  goods  were 
as  he  represented,  the  very  choicest  Hue  of 
watciies  and  lewelrv 


:;i6  Mori-;  his'ling. 

I  then  selected  a  handsome  present  for  ni_y 
new  girl,  and  returned  with  it  to  her  house.  Be- 
fore letting  her  know  just  how  I  had  fooled  her. 
I  determined  to  ascertain,  if  possible,  the  wherea- 
bouts of  the  former  proprietor  of  the  store,  as  I 
wanted  a  bill  of  sale  from  him  fearing  that  the 
ex-manager's  title  might  not  be  good,  and  the  ac- 
ceptance of  a  bill  of  sale  from  him  would  be 
taking  chances. 

Upon  arriving  at  the  girl's  house  I  told  her 
of  my  success,  and  asked  if  she  would  not  see  her 
brother  at  once,  and  try  and  get  the  information 
desired.  She  surprised  me  by  saying  that  he: 
brother  had  left  the  house  but  a  few  momeuis 
before,  and  had  told  her  that  the  man  I  wanted 
was  at  Salina,  Kansas.  I  then  surprised  her  b}' 
the  information  of  the  fact  that  I  had  been  play- 
ing detective. 

After  assuring  her  that  no  one  in  town  knew 
or  should  know  from  what  source  I  got  my  in 
formation,  I  atoned  for  all  the  deception  used, 
and  for  what  prevaricating  I  had  done,  by  hand- 
ing her  the  gift  of  jewelry,  which  made  her  eyes 
fairly  pop  out  of  her  head.  She  seemed  to  have 
instantly  forgotten  all  about  our  previous  love- 
making,  which  convinced  me  that  she  was  better 


MORE   HUS'LINPt.  317 

satisfied  with  the  present  than  she  would  have 
been  with  iiie. 

On  my  way  home  I  stopped  off  at  Clyde  to  visit 
my  folks,  staying  one  night.  I  carried  the 
watches  and  jewelry  with  me ;  and  having  tele- 
graphed that  I  was  coming,  Mr.  Keefer  met  me 
at  the  train  with  a  horse  and  carriage,  and  we 
took  the  goods  to  the  house.  I  had  a  nice  visit 
with  the  old  folks  and  my  little  son  ;  and  after 
showing  them  the  watches  and  jewelry,  related 
the  incidents  of  my  trip,  how  I  got  possession  of 
the  goods,  and  ''just  how  it  all  happened." 

My  mother  said  she  had  always  thought  I 
Would  make  a  better  detective  than  anything  else 
Mr.  Keefer  said  "  it  did  beat  the  devil." 

That  night  we  reviewed  the  past  eighteen 
years,  with  much  interest.  We  recalled  the  many 
ups  and  downs  I  had  met  with ;  and  my  parents 
congratulated  me,  not  only  on  the  pluck  and  en- 
ergy I  had  persistently  shown,  but  also  for  being 
able  to  stand  prosperity. 

Mr.  Keefer  repeated  what  I  had  often  heard 
him  say  years  before,  that  "  he  knew  I'd  make  it 
win  some  day."  He  said  he  had  always  con- 
tended that  as  long  as  I  kept  from  spending 
monej?'  foolishly,  and   onlj'-  lost   it  in   trying  to 

4] 


;;[8  .MURE   IIUS'LIXG. 

make  money,  that  I  must  certainly  some  day 
profit  by  my  expeiience,  and  come  out  ahead. 

He  evinced  great  interest  in  ni}-  affairs  by 
wanting  to  talk  continuall}'-  with  reference  to  my 
business,  and  would  converse  about  nothing  else 
the  whole  evening. 

My  mother  didn't  know  what  to  say. 

On  my  arrival  home  I  wrote  to  the  Salina, 
Kansas,  man,  telling  him  that  I  had  a  'ot  of 
goods  in  my  possession  turned  over  to  me  b]-  his 
ex-manager;  and  unless  he  came  on  to  Chicago 
within  five  days,  and  gave  me  a  bill  of  sale  for 
them,  I  would  have  him  brought  back  by  officers. 
He  came,  and  did  as  I  requested. 

This  late  experience,  iu  connection  with  sev- 
eral other  large  losses  I  had  sustained  through 
the  sales  of  traveling  agents,  convinced  me  more 
than  ever  that  my  business  was  being  constantly 
jeopardized  by  their  carelessness  iu  conducting 
sales. 

I  had  for  some  time  been  figuring  on  an  origi- 
nal plan  of  advertising,  by  which  I  felt  cerlaiu  of 
success.  So  I  decided  to  call  my  agents  in  and 
discharge  them.  Then  I  began  at  once  to  spend 
time  and  money  liberally  in  ad\^ertising.  The 
result  was   that  my  business  grew  rapidly,  and 


MORE    HUS'LING.  319 

to  such  au  extent  that  I  was  compelled  to  in- 
crease my  force  of  clerks,  and  to  keep  renting 
and  adding  on  more  room  every  few  months,  till 
at  present  I  employ  a  Ver}^  large  force  of  help,  and 
occupy  ten  times  as  much  room  as  when  I  first 
commenced  at  my  present  location,  and  am  sup- 
pljdng  jewelry  to  the  leading  merchants  in  all 
parts  of  the  United  States. 

When  I  called  my  agents  in  to  discharge  them, 
with  a  view  to  experimenting  with  my  advertis- 
ing scheme,  Bert,  (who  by  this  time  had  become 
thoroughly  sophisticated,  and  had  proved  himself 
a  competent  and  trustworthy  young  man,)  said 
that,  as  he  had  laid  up  a  few  hundred  dollars,  he 
would  like  to  buy  goods  from  me  and  sell  for 
himself,  the  same  as  I  had  done,  and  the  same  as 
Albert  was  then  doing.  I  agreed  to  sell  to  him 
on  similar  terms. 

He  began  at  once,  and  was. very  successful — - 
so  much  so  that  on  the  first  of  January  of  the 
present  year  he  also  opened  an  office  of  his  own 
in  the  same  building  where  I  am  located;  he 
buys  direct  from  the  manufacturers,  and  conducts 
a  wholesale  business  for  himself.  So  much. for 
the  unsophisticated  country  lad  who  had  pluck 
and  energy  enough  to  strike  out  upon  the  world. 


320  MORE    HUS'LING. 

and  aim  for  sometliing  better  than  a  clerkship  in 
a  country  store. 

Dr.  Frank  was  still  traveling  for  me  when  i 
ordered  the  agents  in,  and  wao  the  last  to  re- 
spond, being  about  three  days  late.  When  I  in- 
quired the  reason,  he  replied  that  the  last  man  he 
called  upon  to  collect  from  had  shown  a  disposi- 
tion to  get  out  of  paying  the  bill;  and  as  that 
was  to  be  his  last  chance,  he  concluded  to  stay 
till  he  got  either  the  fellow's  scalp  or  the  amount 
due  me.  He  got  the  latter.  He  then  remarked 
that  while  traveling  through  Dakota  he  had  found 
a  quarter-section  of  Government  land  which  he  had 
taken  as  a  homestead.    He  then  returned  there. 

The  following  fall  who  should  turn  up  again 
but  Dr.  Frank,  from  Pierre,  Dakota,  and  on  arriv- 
ing here  found  himself  "  broke."  He  called  on 
me  and  said : 

"  Now,  Johnston,  you  were  the  first  to  get  me 
mixed  up  in  this  Doctor  business,  and  but  for  our 
experience  in  setting  the  old  woman's  ankle  and 
your  dubbing  me  Doctor,  I  never  would  have 
thought  of  becoming  a  physician.  As  it  is,  I  am 
anxious  to  remain  here  during  the  wi.nter  and  at- 
tend medical  lectures  at  Hahnemann  College, 
and  I  know  of  no  one  better  able  to  loan  me  the 
money  to  do  it  with,  ** 


MORE    HUSLIXG.  32  I 

"  All  right,  Dr.  Frank ;  you  can  call  around 
ever}'  Saturday,  wrien  we  are  paying  off  our  help 
and  draw  enough  to  meet  your  weekly  expenses." 

It  is  not  necessary  to  say  that  he  never  missed 
a  pay  day. 

It  will  be  remembered  that  he  had  previously 
spent  one  winter  attending  lectures  at  Ann  Ar- 
bor. The  following  spring  myself  and  wife  by 
invitation  attended  the  commencement  exercises 
of  the  college,  and  had  the  pleasure  of  seeing 
him  graduate,  a  full-fledged  Doctor. 

As  I  witnessed  this  little  scene,  the  picture  of 
Frank  Avhile  pulling  the  old  woman's  leg,  and 
the  knowiiij^;  look  he  gave  her  after  the  ankle 
popped  back  into  its  socket,  came  vividly  before 
me.  It  seemed  more  like  a  dream  than  a  reality, 
when  I  shook  him  by  the  hand  and  congratulated 
him  on  being  a  genuine  M.  D.  He  is  now  a  suc- 
cessful practitioner  at  Baldwin,  Michigan,  and 
has  made  an  especially  good  record  as  a  surgeon. 
Experiencing  but  little  difficulty  in  building  up 
a  lucrative  practice,  he  was  not  long  in  re- 
paying me  the  amount  borrowed  for  college 
expenses. 

About  this  time  Mr.  Keefer  made  his  first  and 
only  visit  to  Chicago,  accompanied  by  my  mother 


32  2  MORE    HUS'LINO. 

and  my  son  Fraukie.  Mr.  Keefer  had  been  de- 
sirous for  some  time  of  visiting  the  city,  to  see 
how  ''  that  boy  "  managed  his  business.  On  their 
arrival,  I  escorted  them  to  my  store,  when,  after 
looking  over  the  several  clerks  and  book-keepers, 
Mr.  Keefer  asked  : 

"  Who  are  all  these  people  working  for  ?" 

''  Why,  they  are  working  for  me." 

Just  then  the  postman  came  in  with  a  large 
package  of  letters,  and  when  I  began  opening 
them,  and  extracting  money  orders,  drafts,  checks 
and  currency,  he  gazed  steadily  for  a  few  mo- 
ments and  said : 

"  Is  that  all  money,  Perry  ?" 

"  Certainly  ;  checks  and  drafts  are  as  .good  as 
cash." 

"  But  where  do  you  get  it  from  ?" 

"  From  Maine  to  California,  and  from  Mani- 
toba to  Mexico." 

He  looked  on  quietly  for  a  few  moments,  and 
turning  to  my  mother,  said : 

"  Well,  it  does  beat  the  devil." 

I  took  a  great  deal  of  pleasure  in  showing  him 
the  city,  and  escorting  him  to  the  many  places 
of  interest  and  amusement.  My  mother  had  of- 
ten visited  the  larger  cities,  and  was  not  so  much 
interested  as  he  t^-- 


III 


u 

8 


IS 


URBAN/ 


MORE    ilUS'LlXc;.  325 

Althougli  it  was  his  first  visit,  I  paid  him  the 
compliment  of  appearing  more  accustomed  to  city 
life  than  any  person  I  had  ever  seen  who  had 
never  before  been  away  from  his  own  neighbor- 
hood. From  his  cool,  unexcitable,  matter-of-fact 
way,  one  would  have  supposed  that  he  had  al- 
ways been  inured  to  the  excitement  and  bui^tle  of 
the  city. 

On  the  first  pleasant  day  after  their  arrival,  I 
took  Mr.  Keefer  a  whirl  down  the  boulevard,  be- 
hind a  handsome  pair  of  chestnut-sorrel  horses 
which  I  had  dealt  for  a  few  days  before.  As  we 
went  dashing  along  at  a  lively  rate  he  hung  to 
his  hat  with  one  hand  and  to  the  buggy  with  the 
other,  and  asked  what  such  a  team  cost  me. 
When  I  answered  his  question,  he  said : 

"  That  team  is  worth  more  than  all  the  horses 
we  ever  had  on  our  farm  at  any  one  time.  Well, 
I  always  said  you'd  *  get  there '  some  day.  Perry." 

A  few  days  prior  to  his  visit,  I  had  made  a 
trade  for  a  half  interest  in  a  livery  and  sale  sta- 
ble, owned  and  run  by  an  old  acquaintance  named 
Kintz,  who  is  mentioned  in  the  seventh  chapter 
of  this  book.  He  is  the  man  who  was  running  a 
bakery  at  Clyde,  and  whose  gold  watch  I  traded 
to  the  Telegraph  Operator,  receiving  five  dollars 


326  MORE   HUS'LING. 

to  boot  from  each  of  them,  which  I  placed  xo  my 
own  credit  as  middle-man. 

John  had  come  on  to  Chicago  and  opened  this 
stable,  after  several  years'  experience  in„a  Michi- 
gan town  in  the  same  business,  and  I  had  made 
a  deal  with  him  for  a  half  interest. 

After  Mr.  Keefer  and  I  had  finished  our  ride, 
I  drove  the  team  to  our  barn,  and  jumping  out, 
ordered  them  taken  care  of;  and  as  my  partner 
was  away,  I  also  began  giving  orders  about  the 
general  business,  and  reprimanded  one  of  the 
hostlers  for  neglecting  his  work. 

Mr.  Keefer  was  unable  to  understand  the 
meaning  of  this,  and  finally  asked  what  right  I 
had  to  be  ordering  those  men  around, 

I  told  him  I  owned  a  half  interest  in  the  busi- 
ness. 

He  gazed  at  me  a  moment,  and  in  his  usual 
good-natured  manner,  said : 

''  Well  it  does  beat  the  devil." 

The  recollection  of  this  visit  affords  me  a 
great  deal  of  satisfaction  now,  as-  he  died  about  a 
year  afterwards.  When  visiting  me  he  showed 
the  keenest  interest  in  my  success,  and  declared 
that  since  his  own  had  not  been  what  he  had 
desired,  he  was   uoaa'   onl}^  anxious  to  live  long 


MORE    UUS'LING. 


j-/ 


enough  to  see  what  the  outcome  of  my  business 
would  be,  and  he  continued  to  evince  this  same 
interest  up  to  the  very  day  of  his  death. 

After  the  Physicians  had  given  him  up  he 
requested  them  to  telegraph  me  at  once,  which 
they  did,  and  he  fought  for  forty-eight  hours 
against  falling  asleep,  fearing,  as  he  claimed, 
that  he  might  not  arouse  sufficiently  to  recog- 
nize  "that  bo}'^"  when  he  should  arrive. 

A  few  months  after  Mr.  Keefer's  visit  to 
Chicago  my  wife  and  I  were  out  riding  one 
Saturday  evening,  and  drove  to  Woodlawn 
Park  —  a  Chicago  subinb.  She  casually  re- 
marked that  she  would  like  to  own  a  home 
out  there,  and  go  to  housekeeping,  as  she  was 
tired  of  boarding.  Just  as  she  had  finished 
expressing  herself,  ive  met  a  gentleman  on  the 
street,  and  I  asked  him  if  he  knew  of  any  prop- 
erty for  sale  there. 

He  replied : "  My  name  is  W.  D.  True ;  I  am  a  real 
estate  man  and  have  three  houses  right  near  by 
for  sale,"  and  though  it  was  then  quite  dark,  he 
offered  to  sho-v  us  one  of  them  if  we  would  drive 
over  on  Shtridan  avenue. 

We  di'^*  so  and  he  showed  us  through  the  house, 
to  a  great  disadvantage,  however    as  Vv^e  had  no 


328  MURE    HLSLiX(;. 

light  except  an  occasional  match  which  he  would 
strike  when  calling  our  attention  to  some  special 
feature. 

I  asked  his  price  and  terms,  and  in  less 
than  fifteen  minutes  from  the  time  I  first  met 
him,  I  had  bargained  for  the  property,  and 
instructed  him  to  call  at  my  office  Monday  morn- 
ing with  papers  to  sign,  and  get  a  check  for  the 
amount  of  the  first  payment. 

He  appeared  rather  incredulous,  and  seemed 
doubtful  of  my  sincerity,  and  when  he  called  on 
Monday  morning  as  requested,  and  closed  the 
deal  as  agreed  upon,  he  looked  me  over  carefully 
as  though  not  quite  certain  of  my  sanit}^,  and 
finally  said: 

.  "  Well,  Mr.  Johnston,  I  have  been  in  the  real 
estate  busines  for  a  long  time  and  have  transacted 
business  with  many  different  men,  but  there  are 
two  things  I  have  done  with  you  that  I  never  did 
before." 

"  What  are  they  ?  "  I  asked. 

"  Well,  I  never  sold  a  house  in  the  dark  before, 
nor  have  I  ever  closed  a  deal  of  this  kind  in  fif- 
teen minutes  before,  and  never  heard  of  a  similar 
case,  especially  with  entire  strangers." 

We  took  possession  on  the  first  of  September, 


MORE    TIUSLIXO.  32a 

and  immediately  began  the  building  of  a  bani 
which  was  completed  in  due  time. 

We  very  soon  became  dissatisfied  with  subur- 
ban life,  and  anxious  to  return  to  the  city;  but 
having  expended  considerable  money  in  building 
the  barn,  and  other  improvements,  we  decided  to 
remain  at  all  hazards. 

Six  months  later  one  of  my  most  valuable 
horses  was  taken  sick,  and  died  on  a  Saturday 
morning.  On  the  following  Monday,  just  as  I 
had  gotten  settled  down  to  business  in  my  office, 
I  received  a  telephone  message  from  a  friend  at 
Woodlawn  Park,  to  the  effect  that  my  barn  was 
on  fire,  but  that  my  horses,  harnesses  and  "car- 
riages were  all  safe. 

I  immediately  said  to  my  wife; 

"Well,  you  can  get  ready  to  move  now.  A 
horse  died  Saturday,  the  barn  burned  Monday 
and  we'll  move  Tuesday." 

So  saying,  I  called  up  my  printer,  Mr.  G.  M. 
D.  Libb}^,  by  telephone,  and  dictated  a  hand-bill  to 
be  printed  immediately^  advertising  all  of  our 
household  furniture  to  be  sold  at  auction. 

The  bills  were  run  off  at  once,  and  before  the 
fire  engines  and  crowds  had  left  the  scene  of  the 
fire,  T  was  on  the  ground  distributing  circulars. 


330  MORE    HUSLIXG. 

The  question  was  frequently  asked,  -uho  was 
going  to  be  the  auctioneer.  I  would  reph^  that  I 
thought  of  tr3'ing  it  myself.  This  amused  the 
questioners  and  I  had  a  large  crowd  in  attend- 
ance,  many  of  w'hom  no  doubt  came  to  hear  me 
in  my  first  effort  at  auctioneering.  The  evening 
after  the  sale  I  called  at  one  of  the  grocery  stores 
in  the  town,  and  several  men  were  discussing  me 
as  an  auctioneer,  and  all  agreed  that  for  a- begin- 
ner I  did  mighty  well.  One  ma^  said  that  a  per- 
son would  naturally  suppose  that  the  fellow  had 
had  years  of  experience  as  an  auctioneer. 

We  moved  immediately  after  making  the  sale, 
and  found  a  tenant  for  the  house  w-ithout  au}^ 
trouble ;  and  as  I  have  been  offered  an  advance 
of  several  hundred  dollars  on  the  price  I  paid  for 
the  place,  I  have  had  no  reason  to  regret  my 
hasty  purchase.  I  lost  but  little  on  the  sale  of 
my  household  goods,  and  collected  insurance  for 
a  portion  of  the  loss  on  the  barn,  so  I  came  out 
pretty  well  after  all. 

We,  were  glad  enough,  however,  to  get  back  tcti 
the  city,  and  rented  a  suite  of  rooms  at  the  Pull- 
man Building,  which  we  still  occup}- ;  and  being 
/ocated  near  my  place  of  business,   we  find  it 


MORE    HUS'LING.  33  I 

much  pleasanter,  and  waste  no  time  running 
after  and  waiting  for,  suburban  trains. 

During  our  residence  at  Woodlawn  Park,  we 
became  so  accustomed  to  running  to  catcb  trains, 
that  through  force  of  habit,  no  matter  where  we 
were,  or  how  far  from  a  Railroad  track,  he  moment 
we  would  hear  the  sound  of  a  bell  ringing,  or  a 
steam  whistle  blowing,  our  first  impulse  was  to 
start  on  the  dead  run. 

I  will  here  mention  the  particulars  of  a  trade  I 
made  for  the  barber's  shop,  while  residing  in  the 
suburb. 

One  day  I  traded  for  a  small,  handsome  horse, 
and  the  following  morning  saddled  him  and  went 
out  for  a  horse-back  ride.  On  my  return  I  hap- 
pened ta  stop  in  front  of  the  barber  shop,  when 
the  tonsorial  artist  asked  how  I'd  trade  my  horse 
for  the  shop. 

"  I'll  leave  it  with  you,"  was  my  reply. 

"  I'll  trade  even." 

"All  right,  sir ;  it's  a  bargain.  Come  and  get 
the  horse,  and  give  me  the  keys." 

So  saying,  I  dismounted  and  took  possession. 
After  mounting  the  animal,  he  said  he'd  take  it 
to  the  barn,  and  return  in  a  few  moments  and 
•continue  to  run  the  shop  for  me  till  I  could  hire 


332  MURK    IIUS'LING. 

another  barber.  He  then  left  me  in  charge. 
No  sooner  had  he  done  so  than  a  well-dressed 
stranger  came  rushing  into  the  shop,  threw  ofi 
his  hat  and  coat,  took  a  seat  in  the  chair,  and 
said : 

"  Please  hurry  up,  Mr.  Barber,  as  I  want  to 
catch  the  next  train,  for  the  city."" 

Expecting  the  barber  to  return  at  once,  I 
thought  it  a  good  idea  to  try  and  hold  my  first 
customer  till  he  should  arrive.  I  therefore  threw 
off  my  hat  and  coat,  grabbed  the  mug,  made  a  lot 
of  lather,  and  began  daubing  it  on  as  thick  as 
possible  all  over  his  face.  I  then  wiped  it  off, 
and  lathered  him  again,  expecting  the  barber  in 
every  minute  to  take  the  job  off  my  hands. 

As  he  did  not  come,  I  was  obliged  to  resort  to 
the  towel  the  second  time,  and  lather  him  once 
more.  Then  stepping  to  the  door  to  see  if  the 
barber  was  visible,  and  discovering  that  he  was 
not  I  returned  to  my  customer,  and  wiping  off  his 
face  began  lathering  him  again.  I  now  saw  that 
he  was  getting  nervous  and  anxious,  and  con- 
cluded to  try  and  entertain  him  with  some  sort 
■jf  a  "ghost  story."  Just  as  1  was  trying  to  con- 
jure up  something  to  ''spring  on  him"  he  re- 
\iiarked  that  I  wasn't  very  sparing  <vf  mj^'  soap. 


More  ill-;- Li.\(...  333 

"  No,  sir.  I  am  not  stingy  with  soap  ;  and  by 
the  way,  this  soap  is  different  from  any  you  ever 
saw  before.  This,  sir,  is  the  homa-jona,  radical, 
tragical,  incomprehensible  compound  extract  of 
the  double-distilled  rute-te-tute  shaving  soap." 

I  then  went  on  with  my  auction  talk  on  soap 
alread}^  familiar  to  the  reader,  and  spun  it  out  to 
him  as  rapidly  as  I  could,  without  a  pause,  or  the 
least  hesitation. 

While  doing  so,  instead  of  making  my  usual 
gestures,  I  kept  the  bru.sh  full  of  lather,  and  with 
increased  enthusiasm  slashed  it  on,  first  on  one 
side  and  then  on  the  other,  till  I  had  gone 
through  a  large  part  of  my  auction  talk. 

Meanwhile  I  had  been  constantly  thinking 
of  a  story  told  me,  when  but  a  small  boy,  of  a 
3'oung  man  in  a  country  town  who  had  been 
placed  in  almost  exactly  the  same  predicament 
that  I  was  in  at  that  moment.  I  made  up  my 
mind,  if  worse  came  to  worse,  I  would  get  out  of 
my  scrape  the  same  as  the  other  fellow  did. 

Therefore,  having  nearly  finished  my  soap  talk. 
I  wiped  his  face  once  more,  and  had  made  up  a 
lot  of  new  lather  to  give  him  one  more  round 
when  I  squared  myself  in  front  of  him  in  a  con- 
fidential wav,  and  said  : 


334  MORE    HUS'LING. 

"And  another  thing  about  this  soap  that  1 
havenH  told  you  about,  is " 

"  Well,  by  Heavens !  man,"  he  interrupted, 
"  you  have  got  to  huiTy." 

I  saw  that  the  poor  fellow  was  fairly  paralyzed, 
and  didn't  know  whether  to  try  and  make  his  es- 
cape or  not. 

"  Sure  enough,"  I  replied,  as  I  lathered  him  up 
again,  and  went  on  with  more  talk  about  m}- 
soap.  I  felt  certain  that  the  barber  would  return 
before  I  could  finish  lathering  him  this  time; 
but  he  did  not  and  I  was  obliged  to  Avipe  off  his 
face  again,  and  had  succeeded  in  giving  one  more 
coat  of  lather,  when  he  raised  up  in  the  chair  and 
said: 

"  Great  guns !  ain't  you  ever  going  to  shave 
me?" 

"Oh !"  I  answered,  with  apparent  surprise,  "do 
you  want  to  get  shaved  ?" 

"Why,  of  course  I  do,  you  infernal  fool !  What 
do  you  suppose  I ?" 

Oh,  well,"  I  replied,  recalling  the  aforesaid 
story  to  mind,  "  you  get  shaved  across  the  street. 
We  only  lather,  here." 

He  jumped  from  the  chair,  snatched  a  towel 
from  the  rack,  wiped  off  part  of  the  lather,  seized 


MORE    HUS'lvlNG.  335 

Ms  hat  and  coat,  and  was  swearing  like  a  pirate, 
BS  he  rushed  out  with  his  ears  and  neck  full  of 
lather. 

Just  as  he  passed  outihe  barber  came  in,  and 
I  called,  *'  Next !"  at  the  top  of  my  voice.  After 
crossing  the  street  he  started  for  the  depot,  but 
continued  to  gaze  towards  the  barber  shop  with  a 
look  of  vengeance,  as  he  wiped  off  the  lather  with 
his  handkerchief. 

The  barber  was  at  a' loss  to  understand  the 
meaning  of  such  actions  on  the  part  of  a  custo- 
mer; but  I  readily  explained  to  him  that  the  fel- 
low was  mad  because  he  didn't  like  our  kind  ot 
soap. 

A  few  moments  later  one  of  the  regular  cus- 
tomers came  in,  and  had  just  taken  his  seat  in 
the  chair,  when  I  noticed  marked  on  the  mirror 
in  front  of  him,  "Shaving,  lo  cents.'* 

I  stepped  to  the  glass  and  wiping  the  cipher 
off,  made  a  5  in  its  place.  Our  customer  quickly 
asked  what  that  meant.     I  replied: 

"That  means  that  this  shop  has  changed 
hands,  and  from  this  time  on,  prices  on  all  work 
done  here  will  be  sufficient  to  warrant  success." 

He  jumped  to  his  feet,  declaring  that  he  would 
oof  allow  any  riiau  to  come  i^uch  q  gfame  on  hira, 


336  MORE    IIUS'LING. 

and  that  he^d  never  pay  fifteen  cents  for  a  sliave. 
He  left  the  shop  in  high  dudgeon,  and  the  bar- 
ber declared  I'd  ruin  the  business  in  less  than 
(ten  days.  * 

I  kept  the  price  up,  however,  and  after  hiring 
*^  man  to  run  it,  made  it  a  paying  investment. 
A  few  months  later  I  sold  out  to  the  man  who  now 
runs  it.  About  a  week  after  my  experience  in 
the  barber  shop,  my  horses  and  carriage  had  been 
driven  around  in  front  of  my  place  of  business, 
and  myself  and  wife  were  aboii'.  to  take  a  drive. 
Two  or  three  acquaintances  happened  along,  and 
we  conversed  with  ^hem  for  a  few  moments  be- 
fore driving  away.  1  noticed  my  late  victim 
standing  on  the  sidewalk  starinc  at  me  with  all 
the  eyes  he  had.  We  drove  away,  leaving  him 
still  staring. 

Not  long  after  this,  one  of  these  friends  just 
referred  to  came  to  my  office,  and  asked  if  I  had 
anything  to  do  with  a  barber  shop  at  Woodlawn 
Park. 

With  apparent  surprise,  I  asked  the  meaning 
ot  che  inquiiy.  He  said  the  day  we  went  out  for 
a  drive  a  strange  gentleman  stepped  up  to  him 
and  asked  what  that  man's  name  was,  and  what 
iae  was   doing  with   such   a   team.     My  friend 


MORE    iiUSLIXG.  l,T,y 

answered,  "  Why,  tliat  is  Johnston,  the  wholesale 
jeweler,  and  he  owns  that  team." 

'*  Wholesale  nothing  !"  was  the  reply.  *'  He  is 
the  barber  at  Woodlawn,  or  thinks  he  is,  at  least, 
and  I'll  bet  he  never  owned  a  dog,  to  say  nothing 
of  a  team  like  that." 

He  was  assnred  that  he  was  mistaken. 

He  became  excited,  and  offered  tc  bet  any 
amount  that  that  fellow  was  the  barber  at  Wood- 
lawn,  and  he  guessed  he  knew  what  he  was  talk- 
ing about,  and  that  he  would  know  that  fellow 
among  a  million. 


Before  bringing  this  volume  to  a  close  I  wish 
to  say  for  the  benefit  of  those  who  may  have  met 
with  reverses,  and  are  possibly  on  the  verge  of 
giving  up  all  hope  of  achieving  success,  that 
during  my  "  twenty  years  of  hus'ling''  I  found  the 
great  secret  of  every  success  I  met  with  was 
energy.  Never  quit,  never  give  up,  never  look 
on  the  dark  side,  and  no  matter  how  dismal  the 
prospects  seemed,  or  how  rocky  the  past  had 
been,  I  never  allowed  myself  to  become  dis- 
heartened  or  in  any  way  discouraged.  The  aver* 
age  man  is  too  willing  to  let  well  enough  alone. 
Instead  of  making  his  business  a  constant  stud'y 


338  .\xORK    HUbLiNG. 

witli  c  view  of  devising  some  new  method  of  con 
ducting  it,  lie  is  liable  to  sit  do\7n  with  a  self- 
satisfied  conviction  that  so  long  as  he  is  holding 
l^is  own  he  should  be  satisfied.  No  man  can 
Wake  a  greater  mistake  than  to  adopt  these  old- 
fogy  ideas.  The  idea  of  being  satisfied  with 
their  lot,  I  believe  has  kept  many  men- from  pro- 
gressing; it  requires  no  energy  whatever-  to 
conclude  to  let  well  enough  alone;  it  is  a  very 
easy  resolution  to  make  and  not  a  hard  one  to 
keep,  and  like  the  bad-luck  excuse,  is  likely  to 
afford  much  satisfaction  to  those  who  are  not  am- 
bitious to  push  ahead. 

I  believe  every  man  should  build  up  his  hopes 
and  aspirationSj  not  to  extremes,  but  so  far  as  to 
elevate  his  ideas  to  a  realization  that  a  mere  liv- 
ing should  not  satisfy  him  through  life,  and 
nothing  short  of  the  best  paying  and  most  prom- 
inent position  would  gratify  him. 

The  young  man  starting  out  in  life  who  for  a 
while  only  succeeds  in  holding  his  own  or  possi- 
bly meets  with  reverses,  should  be  manly  enough 
to  find  no  fault,  but  he  should  be  too  much  of  a 
man  to  remain  satisfied  with  a  bare  living. 

It  pays  to  be  reasonably  aggressive  in  al? 
'■hings.      The   man  who  sbows  3  dispositiori  '"c 


xMOPE    HUS'LING.  3:9 

look  out  for  his  owu  welfare  and  not  be  imposed 
upon  by  others,  mil  invariably  receive  the  most 
attention  and  be  taken  the  best  care  of  under  all 
circumstances.  He  should  not  allow  false  pride 
or  dudish  notions  to  interfere  in  the  least  with 
his  business. 

He  should  realize  that  the  mere  comforts  of  life 
with  a  respectable  appearance  is  sufficient  for  one 
starting  out,  and  that  a  few  years  hence  when 
he  has  established  for  himself  a  lucrative  busi- 
ness  with  a  reputation  for  honesty  and  business 
integrity,  there  will  be  no  likelihood  of  any  one 
ever  reminding  him  of  his«  former  humble  cir- 
cumstances. 

He  should  never  attempt  to  mingle  in  a  social 
way  Avith  those  whose  financial  standing  and  ex- 
pensive habits  of  living  far  '  exceed  his  own. 
While  he  should  cultivate  the  acquaintance  of 
business  men  of  the  highest  standing,  it  should 
only  be  done  in  a  business  way. 

When  his  business  shows  an  increase  of 
profits,  he  should  improve  in  his  mode  cf  living, 
ns  a  matter  of  social  advancement. 

The  young  man  as  a  beginner  should  avoid 
stingy  and  penurious  methods.  This  is  as  oftei? 
.in  acquired  habit  as  it  is  a  natural  one,  and  M'ill 


340  MORE    HUS'LIXG. 

always  work  more  or  less  detrimental  to  a  ousi- 
ness.  No  man  can  afford  to  be  close  and  tijfling 
in  liis  deal.  It  not  only  belittles  him  in  the  eyes 
of  the  world,  but  he  very  soon  recognizes  in  him- 
self a  person  of  narrow  ideas ;  and  the  man  withf 
a  poor  opinion  of  himself  will  surely  not  prove 
a  success  in  the  business  world.  While  I  be- 
lieve in  judicious  economy,  I  despise  penurious- 
ness. 

If  a  man  has  but  a  dollar  to  spend,  I  believe 
he  should  spend  it  in  as  princely  a  style  as 
though  he  had  a  million  left.  But  if  he  hasn't 
the  dollar  to  spare,  he  should  make  no  preten- 
sions whatever. 

Opportunity  has  no  doubt  frequently  played 
a  large  part  in  man's  success.  In  my  opinion, 
however,  the  most  acceptable  theory  in  the 
science  of  commercial  success  is  that  every  man 
takes  his  own. 

That  is,  the  man  whc  .s  the  most  sagacious 
and  energetic  will  never  lose  a  chance  to  take 
advantage  of  opportunities,  and  there  is  no 
doubt  that  what  many  complain  of  as  being  ill 
hick,  is  simpl}^  the  result  of  their  failure  to  grasp 
tlie  situation  that  a  shrewder  man  would  have 
taken  advantpg"e  of  and  t1icrch\-  ^^nined  success. 


IIBKARV 
UtilvBSlTV  Of  tUi! 
URBANA    ^ 


MORE    llL'S'LlXi'..  341 

The  average  young  man  in  starting  out 
usually  endeavors  to  form  a  co-partnership  with 
his  best  friend  or  nearest  neighbor,  regardless  oi 
capital  or  ability,  the  result  of  which  is,  that 
each  will  depend  on  the  other  to  make  the  busi- 
ness a  success,  and  neither  will  be  likely  to  de- 
velop  his    fullest   capacity  for   doing   business. 

The  man  who  has  force  of  character  enough 
to  assert  his  own  rights  and  to  carry  out  his  own 
independent _  thoughts  will  usually  be  the  most 
successful  without  a  partner. 

The  old  adage,  "A  rolling  stone  gathers  no 
moss,"  has  not  in  my  experience  always  proved 
a  true  saying.  Nor  have  I  found  it  to  be  so  in 
the  experience  of  many  successful  men  with 
whom  I  have  come  in  contact. 

My  observation  of  others  has  shown  me  that 
in  many  instances  men  have  lost  their  last  dollar 
in  the  vain  endeavor  to  successfully  carry  out  a 
business  that  a  short  experimental  trial  should 
have  convinced  them  would  be  a  failure. 

As  for  myself,  I  am  always  willing  to  investi- 
gate and  experiment,  but  not  to  the  extent  of 
.  risking  my  last  dollar  on  what  a  reasonable  test 
proves  unprofitable,  simply  through  fear  of  being 
considered  "a  rolling  stone." 


342  MUR1-:    JlL'S'Ll.Nv.. 

I  have  at  present,  and  have  had  for  some  timp 
what  might  be  considered  many  irons  in  the  fire 
and  have  thus  far  never  had  any  of  then! 
seriously  burned,  owing  no  doubt  to  the  fact  thai  * 
I  always  endeavor  to  surround  myself  with  com- 
petent help,  and  especially  with  a  good  lieutenant 
at  the  head  of  each  business. 

And  I  have  adopted  the  plan  of  pushing  to  its 
utmost  capacity  that  which,  after  a  reasonable  test, 
showed  elements  of  success,  and  dropping  as  I 
would  a  hot  coal  that  which  proved  the  reverse. 

My  latest  business  enterprise — although  still 
running  the  jewelry  business  with  more  force 
than  ever — is  my  connection  with  the  Johnston 
Car-seat  Company,  manufacturing  the  Bmmert 
Coach  and  Reclining  Car-seat,  «rhich  has  been 
-adopted  by  many  of  the  leading  Railroad  coHipa- 
nies. 

I  mention  this  to  show  that  I  do  not  believt 
in  the  old-fogy  theory  of  our  forefathers,  to  "let 
well "  enough  alone  ; "  and  were  I  the  possessor 
of  fifty  times  the  wealth  of  Croesus  I  wonld 
aever  quitj,  but  still  keep  hus'ling. 
THE  END. 


UNIVERSITY  OF  ILLINOIS-URBANA 

?WENTY  YEARS  OF  HUSTLlilSVHGO 


3  0112  025407047 


